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all 120 comments

[–]brf4n 30 points31 points ago

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that's my dad right there

[–]canada432 31 points32 points ago

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Oi, mine too. He'll go to the grocery store wearing short shorts, cutoff sleeves, sandals and socks with a straw hat. I think its hilarious, my sisters are absolutely mortified to be seen with him.

[–]KousKous 23 points24 points ago

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my sisters are absolutely mortified to be seen with him.

Pretty sure that's why he does it.

[–]RelationshipCreeper 2 points3 points ago

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They see me trollin.

[–]canada432 1 point2 points ago

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I think he sees it more as a bonus. He'd wear it even if they weren't around (which since we're all either in college or graduated they usually aren't), but he gets immense enjoyment out of doing it while they're around.

[–]KousKous 0 points1 point ago

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That's true. My dad still wears the straw hats after I got stopped worrying and accepted that my dad was weird as all hell.

[–]BlackAcidDevil 2 points3 points ago

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my dad will wear these huge black orthopedic shoes with very light faded jeans. he also has this yellow baseball hat this summer that looks like its for a little girl or something.

[–]TheTexasHammer 2 points3 points ago

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We must have the same dad. My dad never goes anywhere with out his ridiculous floppy straw hat.

[–]Jackal_6 71 points72 points ago

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This is also why you're no longer married

[–]aryat1989 39 points40 points ago

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The whole "I'm married so my appearance no longer matters" concept has always bugged me. It's not fair to your spouse to just let yourself go.

[–]MutaschioedGentleman 2 points3 points ago

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I think this is referring more to the clothes he could wear and not weight or physical appearance.

[–]silenthero1 101 points102 points ago

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Upvote for LD. Always upvote for LD.

[–]gunface 11 points12 points ago

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my thoughts EXACTLY

[–]hero0fwar[S] 37 points38 points ago

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gotta get up in that ass Larry

[–]Fizzlerr 13 points14 points ago

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gotta leave candy wrappers all over and leave the door open so they know you were there!

[–]herrproctor 11 points12 points ago

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fuck his asshole up!

[–]kturtle11 7 points8 points ago

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Don't forget to leave it wide open when you leave, so he'll know you've been there!

[–]jayef 0 points1 point ago

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pretty, pretty, pretty....pretty far up that ass

[–]Thirsteh 0 points1 point ago

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Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good.

[–]bobsagetfullhouse 0 points1 point ago

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I agree. The only man who will actually speak what we are all thinking.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]tim3worx 1 point2 points ago

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Up vote for different view point. I like Larry though

[–]hero0fwar[S] 0 points1 point ago

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LD

[–]feigndad 8 points9 points ago

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Not in my house.

"are you going to wear -that- shirt?"

"Your t-shirt has a small hole in the armpit. Fix it or toss it."

[–]BenTev28 13 points14 points ago

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Yup.... that's my house too. And I honestly love my wife for it. I look SO much better now.

[–]deityofanime 8 points9 points ago

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Reply in italics if you need help. ಠ_ಠ

[–]vyleside 17 points18 points ago

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I feel like that. It's great.

When I go out with friends and I'm not wearing something particularly swish, or drinking anything fashionable/manly and they call me out on it, I can, with complete honesty reply:

"But I'm married. When I go home, I'm getting laid, are you?"

And they're not, and I laugh, and they die a little inside as I rollerskate out of the bar, my LED encrusted g string throbbing to the beat of the music as my batman cape waves a hearty farewell.

[–]lanbanger 14 points15 points ago

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You're not getting laid when you get home, you're married.

[–]Metal-Phoenix 27 points28 points ago

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The only thing I miss about being married is someone else doing the dishes. Goddamn I hate dishes but it's worth the price.

[–]hero0fwar[S] 25 points26 points ago

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Wife left. I installed a dish washer

[–]rocker5743 16 points17 points ago

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Wife left. I needed a new dish washer?

[–]Metal-Phoenix 4 points5 points ago

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I wish. Can't do that in my apartment... no space. So when my friends see my pile of dishes the first time, I tell them I try not to do dishes but it doesn't work since I live alone.

[–]hero0fwar[S] 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah. The ones that get really bad I now throw away

[–]ForgettableUsername 4 points5 points ago

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If you have a second-floor apartment and a kitchen window, you can just chuck them straight out.

[–]hero0fwar[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Oh thats fucking awesome

[–]fwaggle 1 point2 points ago

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I don't know what you mean by "no space", but if it's just "there's no under counter spot to put one" they make dishwashers that are free-standing for non-permanent installation. You just stand it someplace and run a water hose to it and you're set.

I think they even make them where you only hook them up when you want to use them (roll it out in front of the sink at night), but I'm married and poor so I don't get to think about these things. :(

[–]Metal-Phoenix 0 points1 point ago

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I know about those dealies.... the problem is that no matter where I'd put it, it'd be in the way. In any case, I'm a bachelor, broke college student, starving artist. They mix surprisingly well XD

[–]someguy945 -1 points0 points ago

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When I was in that situation, it was all paper plates and plastic cups. I had some real stuff but I wouldn't use it unless absolutely necessary.

[–]DeepRoot 6 points7 points ago

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Dude, paper plates and plasticware solves a lot dish issues. You can get a pack of paper plates at Wal-Mart of like 150 for $5.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ForgettableUsername 15 points16 points ago

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No... given up is when you actually own a full set of silverware but they're all dirty and you only actually use one knife, one fork, and one spoon that you briefly rinse and wipe on your shirt before use because whatever shirt you happen to be wearing is almost certainly cleaner than any of your dish towels and you can't get to them anyway because your disused kitchen is almost completely obstructed by empty beer bottles. THAT is given up.

[–]Metal-Phoenix 1 point2 points ago

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No, that's being a bachelor that doesn't really give a fuck, he's free to do as he pleases.

[–]bomber991 2 points3 points ago

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Don't know why you got the downvotes, but a recently divorced neighbor of mine does exactly this. We were talking about how the A/C's suck at these apartments, and I bring up how bad the dishwasher was too, and he tells me he doesn't even use his. He's just been using paper plates and cups for the past 6 months.

[–]mbinder 1 point2 points ago

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It's terrible for the environment though, right?

[–]SlyScorpion 3 points4 points ago

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I can't imagine the amount of trees being cut down just to make you some damn paper plates that you can throw away afterwards. Burn a couple of calories and wash them dishes, dude.

[–]Sir_Scrotum 0 points1 point ago

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If you flip a frisbee over, it makes a good plate and semi-bowl. Just run it under the water and it's good as new. Toss your forks and spoons into a big bowl you keep by the sink full of water. Just pull one out and run it under the water. The food doesn't stick this way. Good to go.

[–]spriggig 0 points1 point ago

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This is why it's so stupid to argue about housework, because who ends up doing ALL the housework when they leave--both of you.

[–]Metal-Phoenix 1 point2 points ago

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Considering she was legally blind and couldn't do most of the housework, I think it's a little different.

[–]Jay180 -2 points-1 points ago

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This. She was a dish washing machine. Now, all dishes done about once per season.

[–]ForgettableUsername 1 point2 points ago

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I'm pretty sure I haven't done dishes since 2008.

[–]colsatre 38 points39 points ago

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I'm single. I can wear whatever I want.

[–]madagent 57 points58 points ago

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That way, you can always be single, am i right? win/win.

[–]colsatre 6 points7 points ago

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That way I can be happy with myself, and anyone who likes me likes me for me.

[–]Thumperings 5 points6 points ago

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nice try lardass

[–]MutaschioedGentleman 0 points1 point ago

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She likes me for me!

[–]Vicinus 3 points4 points ago

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That just makes more sense

[–]SuperChocolateBear 10 points11 points ago

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Fuck everything, I don't need to impress nobody.

[–]logboy 4 points5 points ago

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My single friend tries to give me shit about this sometimes.

"Why are you wearing camouflage shorts, Crocs and an old basketball jersey to the bar?"

I no longer care. Why do you think I have this Grizzly Adams beard?

[–]opossumfink 6 points7 points ago

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I like it when some attractive woman says I would look better if my shirt wasn't wrinkled, jeans weren't stained, etc.

I say "Yeah, that's why I like being married, I don't have to impress you."

[–]sobri909 1 point2 points ago

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Good thing you stopped trying to impress your wife too. Once that ring's on, all the effort stops!

[–]opossumfink 0 points1 point ago

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Well, I only have to impress my wife when she's around. The rest of the time I get to be a slob!

[–]Big_Ern 2 points3 points ago

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that's an essential hat here in az. nobody gives a shit what you look like wearing one of those during the summer. its all about keeping cool.

[–]housesnickleviper 2 points3 points ago

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I'll never understand why people live in Arizona.

[–]Big_Ern 1 point2 points ago

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because there are 3-4 months where it is really hot and the rest of the time it is beautiful, sunny and cool. during those 3-4 months when you are in the shade the heat is not bad. sweating actually cools yourself here compared to a humid place. working outside in the sun, you cover your skin, wear a long sleeve shirt and a headband soaked in ice water. i moved to az from mn 6 months ago and frequently work outside. you get used to the heat. although its august, i can feel it starting to cool off.

[–]Zonked420 2 points3 points ago

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Longball Larry, gotta love him.

[–]erikgil 4 points5 points ago

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Heh. I miss having my laundry done for me. But not enough to ever go back.

Do you know why divorce costs so much?

[–]gringoj 2 points3 points ago

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they're worth it.

[–]erikgil 0 points1 point ago

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You got it!

[–]SlyScorpion 1 point2 points ago

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I'm not married yet I have a live-in girlfriend. I follow a simple set of rules:

If I am going somewhere with her, I try to dress better. No rock'n'roll t-shirts, no jeans with holes in them etc.

If I am going by myself I wear what I want.

I haven't had an argument about what I wear. It helps that I do like wearing nice clothes as much as I like wearing my band shirts.

[–]Le_Sparks 1 point2 points ago

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Wife: No you can't shut up...

[–]felixfelix 1 point2 points ago

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It's not all the blowjobs? HA HA HA!

[–]lanbanger 0 points1 point ago

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HA HA HA!

[–]kingoflimbz 1 point2 points ago

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Ever think about that may be one of the reasons (and all that it implies) that you were divorced?

[–]ItGotRidiculous 1 point2 points ago

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Hell yeah, I'm buying me some plaid shirts! Actually, I can just borrow some from my dad, who is also married.

[–]random_digital 1 point2 points ago*

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Really? Your wife would not have said anything about that hat? I would like to think my wife would have my back on this one.

[–]spriggig 1 point2 points ago

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The only thing I miss about being married:

[–]blacklily 1 point2 points ago

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Unless your wife STRONGLY suggest you what to wear and what not to wear.

[–]GeorgeOlduvai 1 point2 points ago

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No shit. Ask Russel Brand. Katie dressed him every day. Not a big fan of his but it was the first thing to come to mind.

[–]article134 1 point2 points ago

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i was married for a solid couple months before this realization struck me like a fucking lightening bolt. From then to now..... 0 fucks have been given.

[–]farceur318 3 points4 points ago

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That is a great thing about being in a long-term relationship; i have exactly one person that I care about looking good for as opposed to when I was single and had to make sure my hair and/or general ensemble looked super sexy for the cute cashier at the grocery store and the cute girl in my math class and the cute girls at the parties and the cute girl walking her dog in the park...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Go on....

[–]Polyether 1 point2 points ago

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Ha, and this is why I will never be married.

[–]DJanomaly 1 point2 points ago

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The thing you miss about marriage is being a slob? Dang dude, re-examine your life.

[–]ForTheBacon 3 points4 points ago

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So many sad people who have lost faith in relationships here. I hope you one day get your faith renewed.

[–]gb2digg 0 points1 point ago

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So you miss being cheated on, then?

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

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Wait, what? No.

[–]kristur 0 points1 point ago

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A repost has never been so appropriate.

[–]nippersanalecta 0 points1 point ago

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If you like then you find other great things here

[–]beershart 0 points1 point ago

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This so much. I started buzzing my hair because, as I told my wife, "I'm not trying to impress anyone any more"

[–]someguy945 0 points1 point ago

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i use this quote sometimes, thanks for the pic. it will be put to good use

[–]airwalker12 0 points1 point ago

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I just had this same thought as I am watering the rose bushes in purple adidas sweatpants and green sanoks with a wife beater on.

Oh, Im a 6'3 dude.

[–]s-mores 0 points1 point ago

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Also, the answer to "where's my clean socks?" isn't "on the floor" but "in the cupboard"

[–]osmigos 0 points1 point ago

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There might be a reason you aren't married anymore. The idea that you can stop caring about things after getting married is one reason I've remained single. I want to be really careful I don't end up with someone like that.

[–]RubyLuna 0 points1 point ago

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yeah you can always use the excuse that they dressed you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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god, i know how you feel

[–]LizzyBear 0 points1 point ago

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Dammit. Starting to miss my evil ex husband only because of that fact! And because he can cook better than I can...

[–]Khaki_Shorts 0 points1 point ago

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My mom has the same hat.

[–]dasbearjew 0 points1 point ago

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"You're saying I could drape myself in velvet and you wouldn't care?!"

[–]ForgettableUsername 0 points1 point ago

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I'm single and am currently wearing a silly hat at this very moment. It's not difficult.

[–]KevinDuBrow 0 points1 point ago

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You need to work at a camp then. Every day I'm rockin' an Amish hat.

[–]blooregard325i 0 points1 point ago

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Yup.

[–]Psht 0 points1 point ago

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Psht

[–]jgrex22 -1 points0 points ago

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Ditto. Also Ditto.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]jgrex22 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah I fucked up. It was supposed to re-direct you straight to the image, but it doesn't. I'm just far too lazy to try and fix it.

[–]radelaide -3 points-2 points ago

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My wardrobe for the last 15 years has consisted of: 1 oldschool transformers tshirts 2 welsh rugby club shirts 2 black bruins tshirts 1 Pierre Cardin suit 1 pair of camo pants cut into long shorts 2 pairs of target Tracky pants 2 pairs of jeans. 1 mushroom colored he other gray 2 pairs of dark slacks 1 pair of sandals 1 pair of black suede DC skate shoes 1 20 year old pair of black doc marten 16-up boots

The only thing I buy are socks and boxer-briefs. Everything else is old as fuck and faded. But they all fit perfectly and are comfy as fuck.

I've been married the last 10 years. I met my wife while wearing the camo shorts (which has fabric marker drawing all over them, pentagrams etc) and the black bruins shirt and sandals. She's never given me shit about what I've worn. It's who I am. I wear what's comfy. She never throws my gear away.

When I Nancy up and wear my suit, she's all over me. Loves it. But that's a rare occasion. Usually client related. When I buff up for a night out with her it's usually the jeans a black shirt and my doc martens.

Marry someone who digs you for who you are, not what you dress like. Just, now and then, make the effort to look good for them and it's all sweet.

I've never been a fashionable guy. Never a scenester. I've played bass in hardcore punk bands, sung in death metal bands. It used to piss me off to see people "non-conforming" yet conforming to how you're expected to look in those scenes. It happens everywhere in life and it's a damn shame everyone hides behind these social masks.

Just be yourself and wear what you want. If you're just yourself that's what people will see and expect. No need to hide it. You never know, you may just meet someone who digs you and not who you're hoping to present yourself as (but who you really aren't).

[–]notcaptainkirk 3 points4 points ago

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When I Nancy up and wear my suit, she's all over me. Loves it. But that's a rare occasion. Usually client related. When I buff up for a night out with her it's usually the jeans a black shirt and my doc martens.

I'm glad you let her know what your true priorities are.

Also, if you somehow think you're being non-conforming by dressing like a slob, you are not. You can "be yourself" without looking like a slob.

[–]radelaide 1 point2 points ago

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She knows where my priorities are. She's the most important thing in my life. The thing is, she feels just as I do about fashion and clothing. There's a time and a place for dressing to the nines. Her typical attire is just the same as mine. Except of course while at work - which given that she's a nurse, is scrubs. If she could, she'd wear scrubs all the time. It's laughable that you'd challenge our relationship over something as trivial as this.

And just because I don't have a brand new wardrobe, doesn't mean that all my clothes are atrocious. They may be old, but they're well looked after. It's not as if I have shit and slobber stains everywhere. I come from a family that had to make do with what they had. And that involved taking care of our possessions. Modifying it to meet needs, etc.

Perhaps I look like a slob to you. But I'm not dressing to impress you now am I? If my Wife were to turn around and say "I want you to dress neater" I would. We're both still madly in love after 11 years of marriage. We have a straight forward relationship with great communication. A lot more than could be said for a lot of other folks relationships. She knows I'd do anything for her, and I know she would for me.

So while we both dress like "slobs" (if you call an old shirt, slack jeans and sandals a slob) we're happy with who we are individually and as a couple. And that's what fucking counts. Not what you or anyone else thinks or says.

Don't presume to know how my wife feels about me, how I feel about my Wife or how well we function as a couple.

[–]turtlekitty30 -2 points-1 points ago

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Is your wife blind?

[–]radelaide 0 points1 point ago

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Heh. That would explain my good fortune in her sticking with me this long ;)

[–]the2belo -1 points0 points ago

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[–]r_spiders_link -4 points-3 points ago

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These girls don't miss it either, man.

[–]ZebrasKickAss 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck you man. You are the worst novelty account ever. I like your style.

[–]r_spiders_link 0 points1 point ago

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All of us got a little style.

[–]uidzero -1 points0 points ago

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awesome, I actually own that same hat.