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all 142 comments

[–]npa6600 25 points26 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Hello? Hello!? Dammit I never get any reception on this thing!"

[–]clarkcb 4 points5 points ago

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Wait ... this isn't my telephone!

[–]silenti 4 points5 points ago

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ring ring ring ring ring ring ring... melon-phone!

[–]FairlyGoodGuy 2 points3 points ago

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[–]bualsvilla 6 points7 points ago

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Then who was phone?

I'm ashamed of myself for using this meme, won't happen again.

[–]xFaded 1 point2 points ago

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My watermelon's not a phone... DUH!

[–]I_Anagram_Comments 0 points1 point ago

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Why not hit melee pit stains?

[–]SystemOutPrintln 0 points1 point ago

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My bird talks into bells as if they are telephones.

[–]tcct 44 points45 points ago

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All the best things have red wet centers.

[–]ReesesForBreakfast 10 points11 points ago

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Pimples? Suicide bombers? Re-think this theory pal! ಠ_ಠ

[–]tcct 109 points110 points ago

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I said all the best things have red wet centers. NOT all things with red wet centers are best. And i'm not your pal, friend! ಠ_ಠ

[–]down_vote_magnet 36 points37 points ago

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Upvote for actually understanding rational logic.

[–]guttsy 6 points7 points ago

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"You know when someone calls you 'pal' and you're not pals? Yeah, fuck that."

[–]TheSemiTallest 8 points9 points ago

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I'm not your friend, buddy!

[–]reddit_user13 16 points17 points ago

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I'm not Buddy Guy.

[–]caffiend2 5 points6 points ago

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Too bad...Buddy Guy is phenomenal!

[–]redditallreddy 1 point2 points ago

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Are you Buddy Cole?

[–]CodexAcc -1 points0 points ago

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No! Just no.

[–]ReesesForBreakfast -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm not your friend, buddy. Hot tubs.

[–]tcct 2 points3 points ago

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Clearly I don't like hot tubs as it would conflict with my statement and make me wrong!

Fuck, I do like hot tubs. ಠ_ಠ

[–]ReesesForBreakfast -1 points0 points ago

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We all do. Good game.

[–]tcct 2 points3 points ago

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(obligatory ass pat.) Good game.

[–]TedFromTheFuture 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah! Screw those blueberries!

[–]ReesesForBreakfast 1 point2 points ago

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Right? I mean, no can dosville babydoll

[–]SuperNullSet -1 points0 points ago

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upvote for beating me to it.....by a lot

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Except apparently OP doesn't even know how to properly cut a watermelon.

[–]cycophuk 83 points84 points ago

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There is this version as well.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

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I like this one better.

[–]Scarmasu 2 points3 points ago

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same I only wish the original was in higher resolution.

[–]doughyjoey5 0 points1 point ago

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second that

[–]dnbVice 4 points5 points ago

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the OP's one is a lot funnier imo

[–]cycophuk 1 point2 points ago*

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I never said one was funnier than the other. You are welcome to your opinion though.

[–]redditallreddy 1 point2 points ago

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If he's welcome to his opinion, why is he being dv'd?

[–]cycophuk 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck if I know. I'm not the one doing it.

[–]BreanaKathleen 24 points25 points ago

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parrots are awesome :)

[–]Christopherzilla 14 points15 points ago

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Front page needs more parrots and less cats.

[–]sleepingmartyr 3 points4 points ago

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i concur.

[–]invalidfunction 7 points8 points ago

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i conure.

FTFW

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SometimesAllTheTime 5 points6 points ago

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uhm no.

[–]mericaftw 0 points1 point ago

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What did he say? >.<

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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as you wish.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Ecstasy Parrot has a new best friend

[–]Featherbeard 10 points11 points ago

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As a parrot owner (Timneh African Grey), I'd like to thank you for making me spit water out my nose onto my keyboard. SO damn funny!

[–]ParrotLad 8 points9 points ago

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Parrot owners, UNITE!

[–]trickybird 1 point2 points ago

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lineolated 'keet. cuddles with just about anything including my computer screen, attacks my feet, tries to talk a lot for such a little bird, awkwardly attempts to sing along with just about anything.

of course... most of what comes out of her beak sounds like a garbled mess, but she tries.

[–]Vehshya 0 points1 point ago

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What kind of parrot do you own? I've got a Monk Parrot called Buzz.

He purrs and attacks people for me.

[–]treeslashtrees 1 point2 points ago

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I HATE quakers. I have one and he is the biggest asshole ever. Hilarious, but still an asshole.

[–]Vehshya 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah, mine is a asshole to everyone that isn't me. He does all of the following and more:

  • Scream over you while you are talking. But only when talked.

  • Fly into different rooms of the house only to attack someone.

  • Steal food from my plate.

  • Toss half his food outside his cage.

  • Shit on everything and make me clean it up.

[–]treeslashtrees 3 points4 points ago

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That last bullet point made me laugh. My quaker can catapault his shit a few feet. He did this recently and shit all over the door. I silently walk into the room and start scrubbing, and he just hangs on to the front of the cage and laughs at me. He knew.

[–]elephantx 1 point2 points ago

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Ever worry about him flying into something? Mine just ran into a door and chipped her beak but the vet said it will grow back to normal.

[–]Vehshya 0 points1 point ago

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Naw, he has been flying around my house since he was a baby. I trimmed his flight wings a few times, but it became dangerous for him.

As far as I can recall, he hasn't crashed into anything. Right now he is about 15 years old.

[–]elephantx 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, mine is 1 years old and when she hurt her beak I freaked out so I consistently keep her trimmed. One day I'd like to put perches randomly around the house so she can fly wherever she wants.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My Congo African Grey does all of that. And she mimics the smoke alarm.

She's a monster.

[–]Atroacious 0 points1 point ago

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I have a Sun Conure, she is the nicest parrot I have ever owned. I bother her constantly and she never bites.

[–]ParrotLad 0 points1 point ago

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We've got a Hahns Macaw and an african grey :D

[–]874runner 0 points1 point ago

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pineapple conure!

[–]Howisdiscool 8 points9 points ago

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So, if I didn't own a parrot, I wouldn't be able to understand the joke?

[–]Resilience 34 points35 points ago*

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I can't speak for that. But I own a watermelon and found it hilarious.

[–]TKTorch 3 points4 points ago

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I own a keyboard and I got really worried.

[–]anderpson[S] 2 points3 points ago

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You can spit out of your nose?!?!

[–]Featherbeard 0 points1 point ago

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Sure! I just use my neti pot. ;)

[–]LineOfSight 5 points6 points ago

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Green cheeked Conure owner here. It's hilarious when the little bastards "pet" themselves with inanimate objects.

[–]SparkitusRex 1 point2 points ago

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I have an Orange Wing amazon. This made me giggle like a crazy person.

My orange wing (Picasso) does some crazy things, though. He is a rescue bird so he gets a little bitchy sometimes about hands. He'll step up but sometime he reaaaaaaalllyyy doesn't want to be pet. He won't bite, thankfully, but the closer your hand gets, the further away he gets, until he's fully upside down hanging on your hand like a bat, squaking to get your other hand away from his head/back.

He also wolf whistles but he usually does it in situations where it would be appropriate. I was cleaning the baseboards the other day and bent over to wipe them while wearing my cleaning shorts (which are super short, maximize prevention of bleach stains) and as soon as I'm fully bent over wiping the baseboards, he wolf whistles. I turn around and look at him and said "really?" and he bobbed his head at me in a way that looked like a nod. What a charmer.

[–]AboutLastNight___ 0 points1 point ago

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what type of parrot is in the picture? and where does one go about purchasing such an animal? i've wanted one for a while.. anyone know?

[–]Featherbeard 0 points1 point ago

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Wings of the World in Bothell is a fantastic place. (http://www.wingsoftheworld.net) Ask for Joan or Ron if you head over there. (Ron works on Weekends). I've been buying my supplies there ever since I moved here, and Joan (and her Husband Malcolm) and Ron are all extremely knowledgeable and very nice people!

[–]TedFromTheFuture 0 points1 point ago

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Are you going to try giving your parrot half a watermelon? If you do, please post pics!

[–]LionHeart717 2 points3 points ago

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[–]AboutLastNight___ 1 point2 points ago

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what type of parrot is this?

[–]LionHeart717 0 points1 point ago

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Mitred (Red-crowned) Conure.

[–]pipeep 0 points1 point ago

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I have the same type of parrot!

[–]SparkitusRex 0 points1 point ago

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I'll take your word on it, as I am certainly no bird expert, but he almost reminds me of a Red Lored Amazon, just not enough red on the face.

[–]TedFromTheFuture 0 points1 point ago

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I would feel bad feeding parrots any poultry or chicken eggs. Isn't it like cannibalism? Then again, humans taste of chicken.

[–]bilalhusain 5 points6 points ago

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the other half is forever alone

[–]SuperiorToBoth 0 points1 point ago

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The other half of the watermelon is a gooseberry.

[–]karmakat 2 points3 points ago

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I've seen this image posted about seven times and yet it makes me laugh and "awwwww" every single time! I want a parrot.

[–]Sheep-Goats 5 points6 points ago

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[–]deltaSuniverse 1 point2 points ago

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Until the parrot realizes the mysterious lover is delicious.

[–]dd_123 1 point2 points ago

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That's a beautiful bird.

[–]jigby61 1 point2 points ago

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Watermelons.the understanding fruit.

[–]MigratoryCoconut 1 point2 points ago

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The caption should read "love is rind".

[–]Maelkoth 1 point2 points ago

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Narcoleptic Parrot: So the macaw comes up to me, the prick, and this is what I says to him. I says... yawn... I says... This is what I says... thump... snore...

[–]Toribor 1 point2 points ago

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The watermelon whisperer....

[–]I_Have_Bipolar 0 points1 point ago

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Parrots aren't red. Oh wait...

[–]rdouma 0 points1 point ago

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I hear this in the voice of Sid from Ice Age.

[–]momadance 0 points1 point ago

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I think the bird is a Pionus. Which is the kind of parrot I've always wanted!

[–]Mammoth_Jones 0 points1 point ago

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Watermelon is muthafuggin delicious. If you don't love it, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, son....

[–]St_Dymphna 0 points1 point ago

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In before racism.

[–]874runner 0 points1 point ago

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haha my pineapple conure loves watermelon

[–]trickybird 0 points1 point ago

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birds cuddle with the weirdest shit...

[–]MillJeffer 0 points1 point ago

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DROPSHADOW!

[–]mmmmmsushi 0 points1 point ago

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I probably read that three times thinking it said "You underst me". I think I need some caffeine.

[–]theBelvidere 0 points1 point ago

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I believe that's a Patagonian Conure.

[–]midir 0 points1 point ago

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sooo kewt

[–]Maelkoth 0 points1 point ago

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You are all unwittingly laughing at a parrot-stroke. Dicks.

[–]_pra 0 points1 point ago

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Must have been denied tenure

[–]ItGotRidiculous 0 points1 point ago

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So I guess that half of the melon is going to the birds.

[–]catatat 0 points1 point ago

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The bird in the picture is a blue headed Pionus. They're pretty awesome birds; mostly quiet and very sweet.

[–]slartbarg 0 points1 point ago

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-headed_Parrot

Definitely this. looks similar to a hawkheaded without the plumage and a blue face instead of grey.

[–]RetlaOge 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, repost.

[–]AnaPelotas 1 point2 points ago

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Indeed, at least the Portable Shower guy was original.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Because it made me laugh.

[–]magicbullets -1 points0 points ago

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The last time I saw this recurring meme I mentioned something about the dead parrot sketch in Monty Python.

[–]moonlite83702 -1 points0 points ago

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back to the actual photo, i think its funny. especially because its a bird!

[–]mr_sir -1 points0 points ago

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Is this a black joke?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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that parrot is dead. the seeds are poison to them.

[–]SallyMacLennane 1 point2 points ago

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a. Seedless watermelon.

b. wat.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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no, it's eaten all the seeds. my diagnosis must be correct

[–]marsmedia -3 points-2 points ago

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[–]PrideDemon -2 points-1 points ago

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Wish I could find my other half :( ...of watermelon that is

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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yea, we're like about to toast these watermelon slices..