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1746
1747

How I feel at work. Everyday. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by jonnie5

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[–][deleted] 727 points728 points ago

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Honestly, I'd kill for an employee who said that.

No, really, I'd kill your fucking grandmother if that's what it took.

I can't begin to count the number of employees I've worked with (or supervised) who said that they understood something when in truth they had no fucking clue what the hell was being discussed, then went off to fuck things up because of said misunderstanding. Really, if you're "that guy" who asks the stupid questions than I've got a no-homo hard-on for you buddy; you may think that you're only clarifying things for yourself, but in reality you're actually doing that for 70% of the people at the meeting. The only difference is that you've actually got the guts to ask the 'obvious' questions, and therefore avoid disaster for all involved.

Me, and every other rational supervisor in the world, think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. We'd even be inclined to give you a nice blow job, if only the very idea didn't gross us out so much.

Honestly, you're the godsend of half-intelligent managers everywhere.

[–]ChokingVictim 440 points441 points ago

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Could you explain that a little better? I got a bit lost at the beginning.

[–]originalredditor 813 points814 points ago

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HE SAID HE'S GOING TO KILL YOUR GRANDMOTHER, AND THAT HE HAS A HARD-ON.

[–]mjhamilton 59 points60 points ago

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Killing a grandmother is easier with a hard-on. Everybody knows that.

[–]slhendrix 51 points52 points ago

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Usually killing the grandma is what gives me the hard-on in the first place...

[–]TitaniumShovel 37 points38 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]zjbird 6 points7 points ago

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Why did you post like every single Bo Burnham skit onto reddit 2 weeks ago? jw

[–]TitaniumShovel 4 points5 points ago

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Well, I noticed there was no Bo Burnham subreddit. So I started one. And I didn't know what to put on it, but with my new Reddit Gold, I could post more things per hour. So I went though his page and posted as much as I could. Just as a nice place to keep them all.

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      [–]dma1965 27 points28 points ago

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      I just got here. Whose grandmother are we killing? I already have the hardon.

      [–]jeroenemans 12 points13 points ago

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      killing the grandmother WITH the hard on... you know... for bonus points

      [–]igiarmpr 9 points10 points ago

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      Achievement get!

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          [–]webby_mc_webberson 4 points5 points ago

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          not sure if he's a homo though

          [–]Britzer 5 points6 points ago

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          You got it right the first time. You don't need clarification. Good job, son! You will have it right the first time every time. You will never need clarification.

          [–]jaytee26 1 point2 points ago

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          Thank you Loud Howard.

          [–]r-e-d-d-i-t 1 point2 points ago

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          John Boehner?

          [–]cbfw86 1 point2 points ago

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          It's ok. It's excel. It can't be that difficult anyway...

          [–]fouka 1 point2 points ago

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          http://i.imgur.com/0AwOn.gif

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            [–][deleted] 135 points136 points ago

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            Sure. Most employees don't want to appear "stupid", so they don't ask questions about Task A for fear of what their supervisors will think. Then they go on to do something really fucking stupid, screwing things up for everyone (and most likely blaming their supervisors for the fuck-up).

            The employees who actually ask questions - even the obvious ones - end up not only doing it for themselves, but also for the employees who are too spineless to admit they didn't understand what the fuck was going on in the briefing. Chances are they'll never know this (and will probably get shit from other employees for even asking the questions in the first place) but a smart manager know the real score.

            We managers love you guys - we really do, at least the smart ones among us. You're asking questions that the other employees are too afraid, too spineless, to ask themselves. You make things easier for us, easier for you, and even easier for all the fucking panty-waists who didn't have the guts to stand up and ask the question in your place.

            Honestly, if every employee was like you we'd fucking cream ourselves in joy every damned day of the week.

            [–]paolog 77 points78 points ago

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            One more time, for those of us who are still a bit confused?

            [–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago

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            I don't know what else to say. Essentially:

            • you ask a question. Regardless of what your coworkers say to you afterward (ribbing, etc.), you're asking the question not only for yourself, but for everyone else who didn't have your balls of brass. When you, personally, get the answer, everyone else who was too cowardly to raise their hand also gets the answer.

            • unless your manager is a real asshole (and I've been there, so I know this is sometimes true), your manager is grateful beyond belief that someone - meaning you - had the cojones to ask the question to begin with. No matter what shit your coworkers give you, it makes things easier for everyone. And, if your manager isn't a complete asshole, we remember that sort of thing when it comes time to give out bonuses or promote. By asking the 'obvious questions' you made our jobs ten times easier, avoiding some really nasty fuckups, and in some industries probably saved someone from personal injury. We like people like you, even the sociopathic sons-of-bitches among us, because you make our lives easier and you make us look good. Promotions for you, my friend!

            [–]paolog 19 points20 points ago*

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            It's OK... like the other guy, I was joking (or choking). But thanks for the thorough explanation. Everyone around the table should understand this completely now.

            And joking aside, the point is an excellent one. It applies equally well to classrooms and lecture theatres: everyone is silently grateful to the guy who puts his hand up and asks the teacher or lecturer for further explanation of a point that went over most people's heads.

            [–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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            You got it in a nutshell. Sometimes it backfires when you have an asshole boss, but most of the time it makes our job so much easier, and we remember you. Come promotion or bonus time, that's a good thing.

            [–]Rhoomba 14 points15 points ago

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            Except when it is that guy who won't stop asking dumb questions when everyone else got the point half an hour ago. Telling which you are is not trivial.

            [–]thecosmiccat 4 points5 points ago

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            I have some coworkers who are that guy. It's kind of tricky, because when they are as vague as Homer in the picture you might start explaining something they actually do understand and they think you're a condescending prick.

            But I still prefer them to the guy who just goes ahead with what he thinks needs to be done. When you tell him you just discovered he's been doing things the wrong way for the last week he just shrugs with no intention of correcting his mistakes as he believes it wasn't his fault as the instructions weren't clear. WELL THEN JIMMY, FUCKING ASK IF IT'S NOT CLEAR TO YOU.

            [–]paolog 1 point2 points ago

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            True, and there comes a point when you have to say "See me after the meeting/lecture if you want to discuss this further - we need to move on now". Then you spend more time with the guy going over the point or laying into them for being a dick.

            [–]UrusaiNa 56 points57 points ago

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            Can you go over the part of the stuff where you said all about the things again?

            [–]SergeiKirov 20 points21 points ago

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            And this is exactly why that kind of questioning gets old real fast...

            [–]WhiteMouse 6 points7 points ago

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            You're hired!

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              [–]chris3110 7 points8 points ago

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              and can't be bothered to scroll up a bit...

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                [–]Talonwhal 20 points21 points ago

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                tl;dr: Ask question, fool for a minute. Don't ask question, fool for a lifetime.

                [–]KibblesnBitts 20 points21 points ago

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                At first, I was going to make a snarky comment at how that went above your head. But then I realized you gave more information that seemed necessary to your point, which helped made it more clear....I'm one of the 70% ChokingVictim did a service to. Fuck...

                [–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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                There was a joke in there, but I really did mean what I said. Unless you've been a supervisor you can't imagine how frustrating it is to have all your employees swear up and down they understand what the fuck is going on, only to have them really screw things up down the line because they've all been lying in order not to appear stupid.

                I've had that happen a few times and I just can't understand why the hell people pull this shit. It certainly doesn't give them any sort of job security when I find out just how fucking ignorant they actually were all along....

                [–]Stuntsheep 9 points10 points ago*

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                Imo, you should tell them exactly this as soon as they start working. "ALWAYS ask if you didn't understand something. I'm the most relaxed and ease person on earth if you ask something you didn't understand, you can even ask the same thing several times if you still didn't understand it. But if you don't ask me and fuck up things, because you didn't want to seem stupid infront of me/other people, prepare to get fired immideatly." You have to create FEAR over losing their jobs, if they try to do it on their own without understand it at all. I have people in my office all the time asking the most stupid questions ever and i don't give a fuck, because it pays off in the long run.

                Educate well, delegate more, work less.

                [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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                Exactly. I'll spend all day in my office in front of fucking white board explaining what I think are the simplest things so long as someone asks. I don't really care if they get it, I take DAYS explaining what I really want so long as they have the balls to ask. Really, I damn near want to fucking cry when someone straight-up admits ignorance.

                I realize many businesses aren't like this and would fire your ass post-haste for asking any questions whatsoever. I get it - I've been on the shit-end of the stick in this regard before. But now, as a manager, I fucking cream myself when someone has the balls to say "um, I have no fucking clue what you're talking about". It not only helps them, it helps me too, because clearly I'm not doing as good a job explaining what I want as I think I'm doing.

                Yes, I understand that many bosses aren't like this, and would fire your ass for being inquisitive, but I'm not among them. I value employees who tell me flat-out that they don't understand what the hell I'm going on about, because they not only save me money but point out deficiencies in my presentations I'm not aware of. To me, such employees are gold in human form.

                [–]Thorbinator 7 points8 points ago

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                My father is a manager in government. If you work for him, think he is wrong (and are reasonably correct yourself), and do not tell him, you are fired. He is sick of yes men.

                [–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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                I worked for government for seven years. Government doesn't follow the rules that everyone else in the real fucking world does. Government is goddamn insane, and cares nothing whatsoever about rationality and efficiency.

                Maybe I should do an AMA on this. Working for government convinced me that the way we currently do things is completely and totally fucked, and apart from revolution there's no way to fix it. I know, I know, I sound like a paranoid loon - can't help it, really - but once you've been on the "inside" of things you realize just how fucking crazy things are.

                I sympathize with your father, and commend him. However, I can't see him holding his job for much longer so long as he continues to fire "yes men". Those sorts are the backbone of modern government and will eventually get your father rail-roaded out of is current position. It's only a matter of time (in America, at least).

                [–]Thorbinator 3 points4 points ago

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                He has lost important political fights, his department (under the DoD) is getting moved to bumfuck-nowhere, Alabama for no reason other than to stimulate the local economy. He is out of a job in October. So yes, you are right.

                In his department, the people taking over his job have decided to ignore the laws of physics and start chopping up and measuring bits of photons... somehow.

                I would actually be interested in an AMA.

                [–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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                I am truly fucking sorry. I really am. I can't begin to count the number of times I've seen good people rail-roaded out of government because they refused to subvert the law, even the government-centric laws we currently operate under.

                It's fucking heartbreaking. It's also why I, eventually, left.

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                    [–]schkfrldn 2 points3 points ago

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                    You must be so proud.

                    [–]Thorbinator 2 points3 points ago

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                    Eh, we don't talk much but he is helping with college. It's just a good policy.

                    I should call him. (cat's in the cradle)

                    [–]SoSpecial 6 points7 points ago*

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                    Something tells me you didn't get his joke.

                    Unless you are on a personal vendetta to completely expand a point you've already clearly made.

                    [–]Malicious_Mallard 26 points27 points ago

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                    Something tells me he did, and was just playing along.

                    [–]ExileOnMainStreet 2 points3 points ago

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                    If I was a ChokingVictim I would be trololing so hard right now.

                    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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                    No homo (har har!).

                    Take that whatever way you want.

                    [–]ENKC 4 points5 points ago

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                    Is there a no homo way of taking it?

                    [–]Black_Irish 2 points3 points ago

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                    This must be your first day on the internet.

                    [–]SoSpecial 1 point2 points ago

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                    Something tells me I didn't get the joke. Mind explaining it?

                    [–]ENKC 2 points3 points ago

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                    ChokingVictim asked maxpublic if he could explain that better, thus exemplifying the kind of behaviour maxpublic was discussing in his post.

                    [–]influXninja 1 point2 points ago

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                    I am the nervous one who hesitates to ask obvious questions. If I can find myself in a comfortable position to ask questions that I feel my boss won't mind, I can work more efficiently knowing my boss and I got a 'grounded connection'. I will remember this for my first day as an intern tomorrow. Thank You.

                    [–]gospelwut 1 point2 points ago

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                    Does this go both ways? Because, I've been in both positions. I can't tell you how many middle managers simply do not listen. There is nothing that makes me consider quitting (in the long term) more than carefully, politely, and simply explaining a caveat/problem only to have it come up again 3 weeks later -- at which point, then, it's situation critical and we have a 4h meeting about it because Asshole X couldn't take 5m of brainpower to have a real conversation. I'm a very considerate guy since I've been there. I wait til I think their mood is good, their workload has slowed down. If I know they like coffee I bring them that, etc.

                    It's... it's almost if they would prefer to have a fruitless meeting to take credit for being a "team builder" and/or didn't actually understand what I said.

                    I know it's easy as a supervisor to learn how to talk to people, but the real skill is knowing those who need to be talked to and those that don't -- and learning how to make the former feel like they gave valued input. So, even if I'm the former type of person and need to be placated, they do a shitty job of it (though I suspect I'm not -- I'm not motivated by praise, only results).

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                      [–]Ejvind 2 points3 points ago

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                      He really fucking loves people who ask the obvious questions, because otherwise people just head off and fuck it all up. And he'd kill your grandmother to get that person to work for him.

                      [–]Bandit1379 2 points3 points ago

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                      I don't understand what you don't understand.

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                        [–]TheJollyLlama875 14 points15 points ago

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                        You want to hire me, then? I can also drive a forklift, if you need that done, too.

                        [–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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                        You can drive a forklift? Now I'm getting the (yes-homo) sort of hard-on. That okay with you? Would you mind posing for calendar?

                        [–]TheJollyLlama875 5 points6 points ago

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                        You'll need to clarify. What type of calendar?

                        [–]dodgyc 29 points30 points ago

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                        Probably an Outlook Shared Calendar.

                        [–]tehjimmeh 1 point2 points ago

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                        He could probably find you some Sailors too.

                        [–][deleted] ago

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                        [deleted]

                        [–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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                        Remember, there are bosses that're cool - and bosses that suck dick. Just like employees. It's a crap-shoot, when all is said in done.

                        Personally, I feel sorry for you. I hate asshole employers and do my best not to be one of them (having experienced it myself time and time again). You want instruction? I'll go out of my fucking way, for hours, to explain the same damn shit to you over and over again, and I won't care, simply because you were smart enough to ask in the first place.

                        I know there are supervisors who aren't like that. I've been there and I've done that. Truly, I'm sorry. I wish every one of my employees was like you.

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                          [–][deleted] ago

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                          [deleted]

                          [–]whitegirlconfessions 12 points13 points ago

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                          the mental image of a handsome supervisor bending his adorably befuddled employee over a conference room table to give him a "thank you" blowjob in the middle of a meeting is gonna be my fap material for the next week or so. I sincerely thank you for that.

                          [–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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                          Having been in this position (when every employee is obviously befuddled but no one dares ask a question) I think I would give you a blow-job, if only to start things off. You have no idea how frustrating it is as a manager to have your employees assure you that they know what the fuck is going on, when in truth they have no clue.

                          Part of this is my fault, I know. But part of that is yours for not asking the supposedly 'obvious' questions in the first place. For gods sakes! Ask the fucking questions! No matter what anyone else says, if you thought of the question then a bunch of other folks have too, but they don't have the courage to actually ask because they don't want to appear 'stupid' or 'incompetent'.

                          I know, I know, it's a crap-shoot - you never really know what sort of manager you have until it's too late. But as a former teacher, you have no idea how happy I am when one of my employees says "well, that sounds nice, but I really have no fucking clue what it is you just said". It not only tells me that you're a stud, but that I, personally, am not doing my job as well as I should be doing it. How else am I (or you?) going to improve?

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                            [–]ENKC 5 points6 points ago

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                            I have a reputation for being 'Captain Obvious' on occasion, but in the workforce and especially in the accounting industry, being absolutely certain you're 'on the same page' is crucial.

                            I prefer to painstakingly spell out what I think we're talking about than waste time and money by proceeding on a misunderstanding.

                            This goes for communication with clients, colleagues and anyone else.

                            [–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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                            Yes. You are the bomb. Continue being "Captain Obvious" no matter what anyone else says. No matter what your coworkers tell you, you're not only clarifying things for yourself, but for a whole lot of other people who aren't as brave as you are as well. Hell, you might even be clarifying things for management.

                            You go, girl. Or guy. I don't care. You're the sort of person I dream of hiring.

                            [–]RandomFlirting 4 points5 points ago

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                            Damn, that's sexy. you sound very masculine and dominant. And handsome.

                            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                            I'm not. I hate competition, I hate dick-measuring of any sort, and I'm really big on teamwork. Honestly, I HATE the shit that many guys like. I'm more of a "why don't we all work together" sort of guy. Guess I sound like a stoner even though I don't smoke pot.

                            Also, I'm not handsome and because I love donuts and pizza I'm currently 40 pounds overweight (something my employees love to rib me about). I should work out, but I put in so many hours I'm usually dead-tired by the time I get home and only have the energy to do things like watch Fringe or Warehouse 13 or Burn Notice or something along those lines.

                            Honestly, I'm probably a heart attack waiting to happen.

                            [–]RandomFlirting 2 points3 points ago

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                            So you're smart enough to be the boss, but still laid back, you love good food, and you're not driven too much that you can't just chill and relax..... nice. Well, sounds like you need the kind of workout where you sit back and just let your woman do all the work.

                            [–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago*

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                            There is a limit to this, in my maths classes some people will ask some ridiculously simple questions that are so elementary it's clear that they don't have the required knowledge to even understand the conversation.

                            Sure, there are occasions when one might just not know a particular piece of information, I'm probably guilty of this more often than some of my friends, but in some instances (particularly with repeat offenders) it can be clear that the person just shouldn't even be involved.

                            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                            Usually that's the excuse of bad teachers or bad managers; they simply don't have the patience to teach the skills required.

                            In the real world, working a real job - not college - most folks can learn most skills. Some get it the first time, some take multiple attempts, but unless you're a neurosurgeon or a rocket scientist the skills required to do a job (and yes, this includes most computer-oriented jobs) are not beyond the average human being.

                            I've proved that time and time again, so anyone who makes claims to the contrary is a fucking asshole who thinks his particular skill set is beyond the 'sheeple'. It isn't.

                            I don't have any problem with instruction. I used to be a teacher, so perhaps this gives me more patience. In the end, though, I have an inordinately loyal group of employees who'd do damn near anything for me, and what more can I ask for? Those guys rock!

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                              [–]ma_laptop_got_jacked 3 points4 points ago

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                              Hire me, I'm that type of employee! But don't kill my grandmother, she's kind of awesome.

                              [–]ubboater 2 points3 points ago

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                              funke

                              [–]freireib 2 points3 points ago

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                              I love everything about this comment. You == awesome.

                              It's not just about underlyings asking their supervisors either. It's about anyone asking any question. Nothing frustrates me more than someone smiling and nodding when we both know that they have no idea what I'm talking about.

                              [–]malmac 2 points3 points ago

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                              As a retired manager, I will assume that you actively and consistently solicit their questions, and then, even if they fail to ask, you are in tune with them enough to recognize that slightly fogged look in their eyes and continue to do what is necessary to make your knowledge become theirs?

                              I say this not so much to you, oh wise maxpublic, but for the benefit of other bosses reading this who may not be of such caliber. I have seen soooo much fail from good employees with bad managers because of this one great fallacy: just because someone is really good at a particular job is in no way an indicator that they would be good at managing a group of people trying to do the same job. But that is so often how people get promoted to a management position.

                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                              I have no middle management; my own experiences with this abomination turned me off the idea early on. We have various departments and projects, and whoever seems to be the best suited for whatever we're doing gets put in charge. People seem to respond to that pretty well, actually. The ones who don't really don't last (e.g., the ones who need a rigid power structure).

                              Right now, a 17-year-old genius is in charge of the data center. No one - and I mean no one - disputes that he's a genius, nor that he should be control of the center. We all recognize that not a single one of us could match him in that regard. I just wish he'd graduate from goddamn high school so I could work him harder (har har!).

                              Really, the kid is like a stereotype from a hacker movie. "Here, give me some old parts from storage and I'll create you a killer fucking robot intent on destroying humankind!". Good christ, I wish I were a tenth as smart as he is.

                              [–]milkycratekid 3 points4 points ago

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                              Yeah, well I'm the pleb employee who bothers to engage their brain and understands things that clients say in meetings that my manager/producer constantly fails to clarify and just assumes someone will get. So when he glazes over I look forward to that blank panicked look around planning time when I know I'll get to step in and make him look good to his superiors while ensuring negligible credit to myself.

                              Ahhhh half-intelligent managers... Bless 'em.

                              [–]schkfrldn 6 points7 points ago

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                              You're so modest. It must be hard to only have the internets to vent your frustrations on. Especially when you is so smart.

                              [–]milkycratekid 4 points5 points ago

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                              Thanks, it's difficult going to work every day, hiding my light under a bushel and studiously avoiding even the sniff of a promotion. My plan to die an undiscovered genius (to all but the pixellated few), however, remains intact.

                              [–]zyedy 1 point2 points ago

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                              There's something very romantic about that. Not in the you're going to get laid and be happy forever sense, but in the old "watching a monk whip himself" sort of way.

                              [–]milkycratekid 1 point2 points ago

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                              That's EXACTLY the look I was going for. Flayed martyr. You can't tell me chicks don't dig self pitying celibates.

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                                [–]syberphunk 1 point2 points ago

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                                My supervisor's the opposite.

                                He gets really frustrated when you ask questions such as this and actually believes you're stupid for having to ask again and gets frustrated at repeating himself.

                                He then wonders why and how I make mistakes that aren't up to the standard he expects when he hasn't told me what that standard is.

                                [–]gospelwut 1 point2 points ago

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                                I'd also kill for employees that took 5s to slow the fuck down, think, and process. Really, I'm not sure what angers me more -- supervising people from your position, or dealing with the absurdity and stupidity which is internal QA/UX review. No, they can't do that. They have to open their mouth and let whatever noxious venom which resides in their throat at the moment spew forth.

                                Really, I think I imagine a huge issue is employers have lost their ability to use an ounce of dissection when it comes to hiring, firing, and anything in between. What I blame for that? HR.

                                Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of incompetent leaders out there that can't articulate their way out of a box, don't understand the values of different personality types -- i.e. value hyper-extroverted dickholes, etc. But, there certainly are a lot of incompetent, selfish, and inept employees out there. Sometimes, I wonder how this economy functions at all.

                                If the economy functioned the way it should, the inept would get fired. I know we'll never live in a meritocracy, but people that can't get past their ego to realize their limitations will never know their strengths -- and will never be a truly valuable asset to the company. There are so many rockstars in my generation it makes me sick.

                                @MaxPublic directly: I don't know what you do nor what situations you talk about specifically. But, if you work with people who do get it, please for the love of God do not sap the life from them with endless re-meetings, sub-meetings, six sigma training, and all that. I beg you to have the foresight to see those that don't need to be re-explained to -- or, at the very least, only need minor clarification and not a complete re-telling. This is more geared towards introverted, thinking types.

                                [–]jenniferjuniper 1 point2 points ago

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                                when I first started out in sales, the sales engineer I was working with told me to never lose my ability to ask questions. I still remember making him explain what a Static IP was and how it worked like 4 times, because I was just not getting it. Not being afraid to ask questions has got me further in life than I could imagine.

                                [–]dgermain 1 point2 points ago

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                                You do realize that half-intelligent managers are not exactly the most common sight around.

                                They will happily blame the employee for being stupid, in order to make themselves look more intelligent in comparison.

                                [–]AgentConundrum 1 point2 points ago

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                                We had a girl like this in college. She was always asking questions that a lot of us thought were pretty obvious, and it later became obvious she was one of the smarter people in class. I was confused by this until a friend realized what was going on and explained that she could have been asking for all the other students who were too afraid to ask (which made sense since it was a rather easy programming class, and there were a lot of folks that had been coding for years but a lot of other folks for whom this was all very new - quite the disparity in abilities in that class).

                                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                Actually, I learned this from a girl in seventh grade (junior high back then). She asked question after question in our algebra class (we were all advanced students) which made the other people in class groan, but she just ignored that and did her own thing. And she aced every single test - 100%, no mistakes, best student in the class.

                                We quickly realized she was on to something and started listening, intently, whenever she asked a question, writing down whatever the fuck the teacher said. I still remember her even now and realize that even though people thought she was an idiot at the beginning of the class, in truth she was smarter than any of us.

                                That example really made an impression on me. I think it might even have led me to become a teacher for part of my life.

                                Also, she was hot. ;-)

                                [–]kart64 0 points1 point ago

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                                I always wondered about this, but it always seemed like my old boss loved that I asked questions and for clarification in procedure for even mundane-seeming tasks. I just couldn't tell if she was humoring me or not.

                                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                Chances are she was not only answering the question for you, but for all the employees who didn't have the balls to ask the question themselves. Truthfully, there are employers out there who will think you're an idiot, but most of us think you guys are the bomb. We just don't say it out loud, because it would really fuck things up with regards to the people who don't have the balls of steel that you apparently do.

                                [–]goderickspiegel 0 points1 point ago

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                                I agree it's very hard for people to get things right first time if they don't understand what they just heard.... then try and say it was your fault for not explaining........ with pictures FFS

                                [–]q8iftw 0 points1 point ago

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                                I JUST DID THIS AT WORK AND HE LOVED ME FOR IT. Cheers maxpublic.

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                                  [–]qwertydvorak69 152 points153 points ago

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                                  How I feel at work everyday:

                                  Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

                                  Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

                                  Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

                                  Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

                                  [–][deleted] 90 points91 points ago

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                                  I actually enjoy my job. But we quote Office Space constantly here. It doesn't help that a major part of our job is to take the requests from the customers and give them to the engineers.

                                  Anyways, I posted the "worst day of my life" quote on Facebook without any attribution once. I found out later that my Mom almost broke down crying over it. She thought I was completely depressed about my entire life and she didn't know how to approach me about it. Fortunately, my sister straightened her out.

                                  [–]Seeders 109 points110 points ago

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                                  Wow, that's messed up.

                                  [–]UpliftMofo 47 points48 points ago

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                                  fuck I know, I cant stand people who don't attribute their quotes.

                                  [–]ImBored_YoureAmorous 3 points4 points ago

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                                  "I may not agree with what you say, but I'll fight to the death your right to misattribute it to Voltaire"

                                  -Voltaire

                                  [–]boss1000 1 point2 points ago

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                                  • Michael Scott

                                  [–]Jyvblamo -1 points0 points ago

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                                  - Michael Scott

                                  [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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                                  This is why you don't add your parents on Facebook...

                                  [–]hab136 7 points8 points ago

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                                  she didn't know how to approach me about it.

                                  "Hey squegie, I saw your Facebook post. You want to talk about it?"

                                  How is that difficult?

                                  [–]broden 21 points22 points ago

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                                  That isn't as difficult as actually talking about depression with a depressed person.

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                                    [–]saxasm 18 points19 points ago

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                                    Lisa: Today is the worst day of my life Homer: The worst day of your life SO FAR :D

                                    [–]tdashroy 10 points11 points ago*

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                                    i'm almost positive it was Bart who said the first part

                                    [–]sweetdisposition5 103 points104 points ago

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                                    Oh, that's Homer Simpson sir, one of our organ banks from Sector 7G.

                                    [–]tetrishg 49 points50 points ago

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                                    One of your chair moisteners from Sector 7-G.

                                    [–]the2belo 43 points44 points ago

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                                    Simpson, eh? Well I want him in my office first thing Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

                                    [–]NBAallstar 22 points23 points ago

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                                    It's impossible to not read that in Smither's voice.

                                    [–]rea1ta1k 21 points22 points ago*

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                                    What about the other way around?

                                    I hate when I ask for a single part of the instructions over again, and they go..

                                    sigh, "Starts all over"

                                    I swear every one of my bosses has done this.

                                    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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                                    They're passive aggressive assholes, call them out on it if you have the balls

                                    [–]lionelboydjohnson 1 point2 points ago

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                                    You're one of those guys that dares drunk people to jump of high structures at parties, amIrightOrAmIright?

                                    [–]sheepman21 3 points4 points ago

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                                    Wow, your job sucks.

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                                      [–]nuklz 54 points55 points ago

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                                      the thingsssss?

                                      [–]Flyinape 88 points89 points ago

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                                      I miss the old Homer...when he wasn't so obviously stupid.

                                      [–][deleted] 44 points45 points ago

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                                      One of my favorite episodes is Homer's Enemy where Homer invites his enemy from work over to make friends. Homer ends up showing him pictures of Homer meeting various former Presidents, his Nobel prize, and his trip into space. Homer Simpson is perhaps one of the singularly most impressive men you'll ever meet.

                                      Actually, I'm suddenly reminded of Forrest Gump - if you read the book, he does so much more than in the movie.

                                      [–]huvudfoting 37 points38 points ago

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                                      You mean Frank Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called?

                                      I liked the Forrest Gump book as well, but the sequel wasn't as good.

                                      [–]scsoc 1 point2 points ago

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                                      Yeah. Whatever happened to that guy?

                                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                      In the second book, their shrimping business went under (and one of the partners made off with all the money). So Forrest and his son started traveling around. His son was really smart and would come up with lots of new business ideas that would work great until Forrest messed it up creating a catastrophe. For example, at one town, they came up with an idea of using pig manure to produce electricity and got the town to build a methane power plant. Forrest was in charge of monitoring the pressure and relief valves. The resulting shitstorm wasn't entirely Forrest's fault, but the Mayor and townsfolk were less than pleased over the ordeal.

                                      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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                                      And yet, my favourite moment remains the time he created a rabbit snare out of a tree branch.

                                      [–]Zberry1978 1 point2 points ago

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                                      haha, doesn't he go into the bushes and comes out with all kinds of critters attacking him?

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                                        [–]Seriousity 2 points3 points ago

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                                        Upvotes for mentioning the Forrest Gump book!! It's amazing, with spelling errors to reflect Forrest Gump's accent, just pure brilliance.

                                        [–]wobwobwobbuffet 2 points3 points ago

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                                        When an author can get you to read the entire book in someone's voice and you've never even heard the thing, you know they did something fucking right.

                                        [–]neoncp 1 point2 points ago

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                                        "A Clockwork Orange" does this well. It has you reading obscure slang like it's part of your everyday vocabulary by the end.

                                        [–]allothernamestaken 1 point2 points ago

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                                        This is what's always bugged me about Forrest Gump - the same guy does all of these amazing things, yet no one seems to realize it's the same guy or even recognize him at the bus stop.

                                        [–]falconear 1 point2 points ago

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                                        Space? You've never been?

                                        [–][deleted] ago

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                                        [deleted]

                                        [–]alwayssunnyincp 2 points3 points ago

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                                        agreed. Homer of the old, he was stupid BUT exhibited genuine human emotions as a father figure much better than how the writers now fake to be.

                                        [–]falconear 1 point2 points ago

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                                        He was always stupid. He wasn't always brain damaged as he seems to be now. I guess you hit your head enough times, and, err...get it trapped in a drawbridge, and that will happen.

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                                          [–]satnams 35 points36 points ago

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                                          Dental plan.

                                          [–]byproxxy 23 points24 points ago

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                                          Lisa needs braces!

                                          [–]Hyperian 19 points20 points ago

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                                          Dental plan.

                                          [–]satnams 12 points13 points ago

                                          sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                          Lisa needs braces!

                                          [–]the_walrus_was_ringo 10 points11 points ago

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                                          Dental Plan.

                                          [–]dental-plan 36 points37 points ago

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                                          Yes?

                                          [–]2Deluxe 6 points7 points ago

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                                          Lisa needs braces!

                                          [–][deleted] ago

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                                          [deleted]

                                          [–]cawfee 3 points4 points ago

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                                          "Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! nothing at all! nothing at all! nothing at all!"

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                                              [–]Pravusmentis 24 points25 points ago

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                                              As head delegate for the committee that sees the cake and knows it it your birthday, I can't thank you enough for not announcing that it is your birthday in the title.

                                              [–]WaxyMoustache 8 points9 points ago

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                                              Every day. Not everyday.

                                              [–]abfgry 3 points4 points ago

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                                              One of the first things I learned from any job - if you don't understand what you're doing - ask questions. Ask until you are clear on what is needed from you. No one will look down on you for asking for clarification and it only makes your life easier in the end.

                                              [–]ivquatch 5 points6 points ago

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                                              "You know, the things..."

                                              [–]stillnotking 14 points15 points ago

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                                              Everyday? Your job makes you feel dull and ordinary?

                                              [–]rub3s 2 points3 points ago

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                                              Still works. Just not the as the OP intended, presumably.

                                              For the record, people:
                                              Every day = each day
                                              Everyday = ordinary or commonplace

                                              [–]awittypun 1 point2 points ago

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                                              Wow, TIL. And I was in Grammar Club. Thanks!

                                              [–]GangstaAnthropology 2 points3 points ago

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                                              Can't believe this post is so far down. I guess the difference between everyday and every day is not well known.

                                              [–]cesarjulius 2 points3 points ago

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                                              Hmmmm....is it everyday people go to work every day?

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                                                [–]emodro 3 points4 points ago

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                                                Too many God damn acronyms.

                                                [–]workingatm 2 points3 points ago

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                                                I feel you on that one, homeslice.

                                                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                                Why the fuck is this? As soon as I get to work I feel like I turn into a drooling idiot who can't take directions...

                                                [–]chikuu 15 points16 points ago

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                                                WHORE. MORE. KARMA.

                                                HAPPY BDAY!

                                                [–]FrenchFriedMushroom 1 point2 points ago

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                                                What? Im sorry, you were saying something?

                                                [–]jrmf 1 point2 points ago

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                                                You're obviously like me and put more thought into thinking of witty comments than actual work.

                                                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                                I can honestly say I am as stupid as this guy. That's just life I suppose.

                                                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                                Different context but I feel the same - Except for writing on a clipboard I write it down on a Starbucks cup!

                                                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                                hey guys, not too sure what's going on here...care to explain?

                                                [–]tazmanic 1 point2 points ago

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                                                If you're a fan of the simpsons in their prime seasons and quote them on an everyday basis, seriously consider subscribing to /r/TheSimpsons as part of your reddit front page. My day is that much brighter when I see a Simpsons quote with a relevant picture on the front page.

                                                http://www.reddit.com/r/TheSimpsons/

                                                [–]vampyprincess88 1 point2 points ago

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                                                oh yea sure...(charlie brown parent's voice)...wohh woahhh ......woahhh woahhh woahhh.. did you get all that?

                                                [–]Plutokoekje 1 point2 points ago

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                                                After reading this whole thread, I can only come to the conclusion that working takes too much of my free time.

                                                [–]mrreeb 1 point2 points ago

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                                                God I hope you're not a counselor/therapist!

                                                [–]Rideonitfoo 1 point2 points ago

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                                                I work in engineering at a well known aerospace company and when I first got hired on I used to be the guy saying "Yeah I got it" when really I understood probably 60% of what the scope of the project was.

                                                It really hurts you in the long run because eventually your going to hit a road block and sit there with your thumb up your ass and your boss is going to pissed about the project not being done (or done poorly) and its going to stress you out.

                                                Eventually I learned (very quickly) to ask questions, even "stupid" ones. Not only will you have a better grasp of the constraints and requirements of the project, it will lead you to be more creative and possibly allow you to come up with your own ideas that will improve the projects design (and your salary).

                                                [–]mcgoogins 1 point2 points ago

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                                                Rotate my office so the window faces the hills!

                                                [–]DoubleZero 1 point2 points ago

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                                                You're a software developer too, eh?

                                                [–]davie18 1 point2 points ago

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                                                Where is the 'any key'?

                                                [–]Zberry1978 1 point2 points ago

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                                                I'll just have a TAB

                                                [–]logically 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Well at least you're "alive". Need more input!

                                                [–]lapin0u 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I often feel the same ... as an auditor :)

                                                [–]althalus 0 points1 point ago

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                                                So true it hurts.

                                                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Let's not even go there. I have a much smaller attention span and taking directions from my boss usually means having to go back to his office 2-3 times.

                                                [–]LightSwarm 0 points1 point ago

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                                                SO MUCH!

                                                [–]binary_search_tree 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I swear - I work with a guy just like that. Robert, is that you?

                                                [–]maniaq 0 points1 point ago

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                                                quit

                                                [–]CuntBagFaceJerk 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I wish I had a job.

                                                [–]lord_khadow 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Wait... I saw a link the other day that talked about how people didn't know the shit they were supposed to know. I can't find it, so this adds nothing, except maybe a negative karma implosion or something, however things and stuff work around here.

                                                [–]travisco 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Wow! you work in IT. No question. I can tell by your calm demeanor that you are very good at explaining things about stuff and your underlings should have no reason to feign understanding. My advice is to be very aggressive and to frequently use the the phrase 'no-homo hard-on'.

                                                Now get back to work!

                                                [–][deleted] ago

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                                                [deleted]

                                                [–]JoshSN 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I'm kind of the opposite.

                                                [–]alwayssunnyincp 0 points1 point ago

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                                                internship for me actually. if I were to have a job, I'd be much better at knowing things but internship? you're just an inexperienced thrown into real life situation

                                                [–]zachatree 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I hope you are not a reporter.

                                                [–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I usually just feel that way on Monday.

                                                [–]ogles327 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Spot on how I feel every day as a technical support rep

                                                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Co-worker: These instructions are really hard, it just doesnt make sense.

                                                Me: Well tell the person that wrote them, you are supposed to be testing the instructions after all

                                                Co-worker: Nah I'll have another look on google, I don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing

                                                Me: TELL THE FUCKING PERSON THAT WROTE THEM YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TESTING THE INSTRUCTIONS

                                                Co-worker: Yeah I guess.... carries on googling for help

                                                [–]DaveRusso 0 points1 point ago

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                                                How others could feel at work. Everyday. I'm grateful to have a job.

                                                www.comicdaverusso.blogspot.com

                                                [–]errorflux 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Karma your way - may I, in lieu of times, suggest finding another job?

                                                [–]roger_ 0 points1 point ago

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                                                FYI: r/TheSimpsons.

                                                [–]free2care 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Sorry I wasn't paying attention! Can you repeat that?

                                                [–]citat3962 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I don't ask this all day at work. But I probably should. I have co-workers who think training is hanging over my shoulder and giving bad directions on how to fix something with no details or background info. They like to call fixing things "kicking the box, or "slapping it"

                                                I want to fucking strangle people... just use the fucking terminology. Sometimes I I think I'd hear more technical jargon in an auto shop.

                                                I don't ask because often the answer I get is completely unrelated to the question I asked. Or filled to the gills with analogies until the point is lost.

                                                I still get a ration of shit for fucking stuff up out of negligence. Sometimes the explanation just doesn't fucking help.

                                                [–]maiello 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Could you repeat whole speech in Spanish?

                                                [–]zdubs 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Webster's dictionary defines excellence as "the state or condition of being excellent." And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence...

                                                [–]Pearlsea 0 points1 point ago

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                                                They make drugs for that you know.

                                                [–]HerrVonStrahlen 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Karl Pilkington here, and eh, I'm lookin' for a job an' that.

                                                [–]IronMeghan 0 points1 point ago

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                                                Today I was asked if I knew what happened to that thing from last week.

                                                THAT THING FROM LAST WEEK.

                                                [–]tphollingsworth 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I find that a lot of what bosses say needs a tl;dl

                                                [–]Xell0 0 points1 point ago

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                                                You must have ADD

                                                [–]redthreadmagazine 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I'm sure this is how most people feel everyday, unless you enjoy your job, then you are one of the lucky ones.

                                                [–]LimeGreenFwooper 0 points1 point ago

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                                                That's me every time I talk to my old advisor. I understood what he was saying when I was talking to him but then I'd get back to my office and it would be a "What the fuck was he trying to tell me?" moment.

                                                [–]ShyHero 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I'm going into a job interview later today. In french. It's possible I overstated my french abilities in my resume a little.

                                                I expect I will feel like this for much of the interview.

                                                [–]BlazedAndConfused 0 points1 point ago

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                                                You know...the things? =)

                                                [–]Cerulilly 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I hope i am not the only one who noticed this quote SHOULD have said "can you repeat the part where you said stuff about the things"

                                                [–]Xenc 0 points1 point ago

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                                                REPEAT ALL THE THINGS!

                                                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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                                                you must work at a place you don't like

                                                [–]bolapara 0 points1 point ago

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                                                I think comparing yourself to Homer Simpson is a big CLM.

                                                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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                                                This is how I feel in any conversation not involving sex, music or food.

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