this post was submitted on
568 points (53% like it)
4,434 up votes 3,866 down votes

funny

subscribe2,680,420 readers

5,135 users here now

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 146 comments

[–]Gibson_88 138 points139 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.

[–]old_righty 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's... poetic. Sort of the kind of poetic that could get some English teacher somewhere to teach a pornography course.

[–]Aww_Shucks 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

OH HELL YEAH SIGN ME UP.

Homework? Fuck yeah! Tests? Fuck yeah! Watching a movie tomorrow? Fuck yeah! Am I going a little overboard? Fuck yeah!

[–]demon_ix 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Alright students. Today's topic is Gay Porn. Homework assignments will include... erm... hands-on experience"

[–]mynoduesp 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Okay, everyone pick a partner!"

/left alone as always

[–]buckX 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You win!

[–]Cinelli 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Aww_Shucks. You're absurd.

[–]Weakness 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My pornography

Is literature I think

though read with one hand

[–]IWANNAUPVOTE 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

see what you did there...I can count!

[–]Tayto2000 1 point2 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I remember this from her "America's Porn Stars Demand to be Fucked Harder" rally.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-porn-stars-demand-to-be-fucked-harder,205/

Emotional stuff.

[–]SIRjimmypage 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Poetry. Sheer poetry.

[–]Stormshark 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Trance is the pornography of music.

[–]Bradburn777 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Nah, I'd still read it with my eyes.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Did anybody else try to read this slower and with more emotion than it was probably originally said?

[–]JohnOO 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As slow as a glacier...freaked me out a bit!

[–]timelighter 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I tried to read it like it was the chorus to a pop song.

[–]Lancey 97 points98 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Morgan Freeman's voice.

[–]rathead 47 points48 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

and on that day... the pizza boy... became... the pizza man.

[–]quotesthewrongmovie 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Mr. Brown, I can't flunk this subject... I'd do anything for an A..."

[–]swubaka 30 points31 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Christopher Walken's voice.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this is Jenna Jameson's voice.

[–]dhaft88 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Jerry Stiller's voice.

[–]aheinzm 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Helen Keller's voice.

[–]Cheeknuts 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I imagined Marlee Matlin signing this.

[–]coolcocoboy 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I can't read.

[–]my79spirit 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have no internet connection.

[–]retrospects 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in your mom's voice.

[–]mbg98 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Gilbert Gotfried's voice.

[–]ajr901 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I didn't read this. I watched Jenna as she read it for the camera.

[–]unconscionable 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Diane Rehm's voice.

[–]chain83 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this in Gordon Freeman's voice.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So you're blind.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

to be fair, Gordon does grunt when hurt

[–]CynicalWalrus 9 points10 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Where is 'relevant_rule34' when you need him?

[–]JakMon777 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sometime I like to think he reads certain comments, but just thinks to himself, 'Nope. Not even going to try here.'

[–]CynicalWalrus 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Wishful thinking dude.

[–]JakMon777 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Stop being so cyni- Oh. Carry on.

[–]CuteSheep 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, like, srsly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read it in Jack Handey's voice.

[–]UselesNoveltyAccount -5 points-4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

LOL! YEAH, I WENT BACK AND READ IT IN HIS VOICE AND IT WAS EVEN FUNNIER. FUNNY POST, PLEASE KEEP AT IT.

[–]zeritor 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

ಠ_ಠ

[–]KindBass 19 points20 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Did anyone else see that and immediately remember "Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy"?

[–]MC-Master-Bedroom 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's a shame that families are torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

[–]kev2600 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I did

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So deep...

[–]the_peanut_gallery 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Very deep from the sound of it ;)

[–]lordmycal 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

balls deep no doubt...

[–]finerrecliner 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

that's what she said

[–]Duckman_Drake 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If I had a dorm room, this would go in a frame and on the wall.

[–]TheMediaSays 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Anyone know what movie this quote's from?

[–]GinNMiskatonics 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think it's the notebook

[–]TheMediaSays 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh yes, how could I have forgotten?

[–]smileshigh 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I actually was expecting to see someone having an answer for this when I checked the comments. I feel like there must be a redditor with that kind of knowledge.

[–]ZebraHunterz 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Internet quotes are so hard to verify.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Internet quotes are so hard to verify." Martin Luther King Jr.

[–]Cirilom 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Internet quotes are so hard to verify." Martin Luther King Jr.

--Michael Scott.

[–]gwot 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

'"Internet quotes are so hard to verify." Martin Luther King Jr.

--Michael Scott.'

Oscar Wilde on Michael Scott

[–]bingblondie 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's been paraphrased, it was actually

'The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity' Abraham Lincoln

[–]johnnygrant 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"What you won't do, do for love" - Paris Hilton

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" - Vanilla Ice

[–]neversleep 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"No I won't do that" -Carl Sagan

[–]skier69 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

saving this for later so I can print it out and put it up at work.

I love my workplace

[–]finalxnoodles 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

cause its a sexy workplace?

[–]skier69 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no

but all my coworkers are dudes in their 20s-early 30s

[–]pull_my_finger_ 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

army

[–]skier69 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

na

[–]kcell -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why did this get downvoted. He was just answering a yes/no question. Shame reddit, for shame.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

bots, always the bots

[–]skier69 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

she

ftfy

[–]flutesmurf 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sausage fest.

[–]skier69 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

hahahahha just what I thought when I started there...

[–]Imreallythatguy 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm anticipating the rage comic that will be made later after your boss pulls you into his office to have a talk about this.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think it was Emerson who said that, actually.

[–]2Wrongs 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What oft’ was thought but ne’er so well expressed

[–]WoodsMD -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma Watson?

[–]crookedhat99 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actions speak louder than words.

[–]stownd 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That was my wallpaper for the longest time

[–]en_alm 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You have a tiny monitor.

[–]Hoobleton 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Jenna is coming

[–]jhonbob3 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]holodog 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Should have superimposed this over a picture of Jenna looking vacantly off into the distance.

[–]HanoverGimp 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Can she look anything other than vacant?

[–]holodog 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She has a huge acting range that runs the gamut from "vaguely interested" to "why are men cumming on me."

[–]wonkothesane1986 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Source video?

[–]Downvoted_Defender 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That is sooo deep if you know what I mean.

VAGINALLY.

[–]crunklepat 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Is there a higher resolution available? Id like to set this to my younger brothers background.

[–]desquibnt 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FW: RE: RE: RE:

[–]AliceDiana 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This was on the front page about a month ago. Repost.

[–]WoodsMD 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I actually tried to post this a couple months ago, and saw that had already been done so no less than 5 times.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Thank you for not posting it anyway.

[–]bw1870 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Thanks for the update.

[–]sub-t 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Understandable, and I am grateful for knowing that. Still, the post isnew to me and a few others it would seem.

[–]kamiheku 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is the third time I've seen this. I'm not complainin', though.

[–]thefarkinator 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah I just think that this one is missing some context. The first time I saw it was when a bunch of misquotes were flying around reddit (Like the fake MLK quote). This was pretty damn hilarious considering the situation. At least it reminded me of it! I'm still upvoting it.

[–]sparkymonroe 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm on here almost daily and I've never seen it, so I'm glad it was posted.

[–]ggk1 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm glad you let us all know. Seeing as how it made it to the front page again, there are quite a bit of people that missed it.

Next time downvote and move on please. Your "repost" comments are becoming the biggest pollution of reddit.

[–]down_vote_magnet -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read this like that scene in Family Guy where the two handicapped people have sex in wheelchairs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWbLk7BVsDg#t=0m50s

[–]johnmcawesome 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Two handicapped people

Are you not aware of who Stephen Hawking is?

[–]pwncakesneggs 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Words cannot describe the joy this just infused into my day

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Chemical_Scum 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Helvetica?

[–]5spoke 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Im a little turned on.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

it probably be but who know

[–]BourbonJungle 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't remember from where I got them, but I have this and a bunch of similar images. All in 1920x1080 with weird quotes.

Potatoes trigger my gag reflex

It is a little known fact that staplers and lamps enjoy flying

Be nice to police.

Show me your genitals

If your last name is Blue, you are more than likely a pornstar.

I hate horses. And everything.

I'm guessing some community had an awesome time putting funny random text on beautiful nature wallpapers, but I can't find it/them.

[–]mathandchem 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This was on 4chan a solid week ago. Re re re REPOST!

[–]turnleftdale 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Thanks for posting this again bro!

[–]BantamBasher135 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Somebody should put this on Tito's Twitter.

[–]SatinHandyWipe 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Is it weird that I have a boner now?

[–]montrealcowboyx 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That is the funniest thing I've seen in r/funny in a while.

[–]dunnyvan 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Source?

[–]coe4514 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This was lame the first time it was posted....

[–]Jafit 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Glad it's not a Sasha Grey quote.

[–]JerrySun 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is so epic

[–]Rabble_Arouser 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"My shit tastes so good on your cock." - Sasha Grey (from Sex Slaves #2)

[–]hot4belgians 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

inspired me to go on findtubes...

[–]neversleep 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

-Carl Sagan.

[–]3R1CtheBR0WN 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A dark and *insightful background can make any quote deep and meaningful

[–]salmanj1 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It inspired me to

[–]salmanj1 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

and then there was snow

[–]gam3rgirlskill 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i know her................... :(

[–]touchd0wn 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

literally made me projectile coffee at my monitor. excellent start to the day!

[–]Jepuliz1 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Repost, but still good.

[–]pogowhat 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I lolled.

[–]bedmot 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well done OP, now I'm hitting the torrents hard and getting me some Jenna.

Might get some Tera Patrick while I'm at it...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

you mean so old

[–]brainflakes 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Le old

[–]Funkit 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So reposted.

I guess this is a repost of the comments on reposts saying how it's a repost

[–]originalcuntscabs 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

r...

[–]NippleThief -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hah! That was my wallpaper when I hit LSD, man, and the forest came alive!

[–]ispeakspam 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A forest of Jamesons! Enjoy the sound of many limbs happily snapping with flowings of sap! Nature lover, oh to be!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ahh some /wg/ up in this bitch

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I actually believe it's r/funny.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I guess you didn't see it the last 90 times it was posted

[–]filthgrinder -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Was funny a few weeks ago too.....

[–]The_Ticker0 -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[98]