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top 200 commentsshow all 230

[–]zigzagofdoom 205 points206 points ago

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Spongebob is 25?!

[–]hippity_dippity 213 points214 points ago

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TIL: My sexual attraction to Spongebob is totally appropriate.

[–]ticklecricket 137 points138 points ago

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No, no it's not.

[–]feureau 6 points7 points ago

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The dude's 25. What? is he like, should be old enough to qualify for ultraporn for that sexual attraction to be totally appropriate?

[–]tybris2 20 points21 points ago

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Absorbing > Swallowing.

[–]eltommonator 6 points7 points ago

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Where's relevant_rule34 when you need him.

[–]cresteh 6 points7 points ago

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At work.

[–]KillerChicken48 1 point2 points ago

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[–]cspeed 1 point2 points ago

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By that logic my sexual attraction to Bart Simpson is totally appropriate, we're the same age actually.

[–]might-be-a-dog 2 points3 points ago

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You ever reproduced with spores?

(no)

...Do you want to?

[–]Applegiraffe 7 points8 points ago

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But sponges don't reproduce with spores...

[–]GreatestWhiteShark 70 points71 points ago

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Nope. By budding. Can you reproduce by budding? Can you?Canyou?Canyou?

[–]might-be-a-dog 0 points1 point ago

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I actually knew that, but "you ever reproduced with budding?" doesn't make sense.

[–]might-be-a-dog 44 points45 points ago*

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Spongebob has had a job, since the first episode, which aired in 1999. 12 years ago, means he was 13 when he got the job.

[–]snailboy 87 points88 points ago

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Mr. Krabs is totally the type to hire children.

[–]Lokonopa 16 points17 points ago

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I've always found this supposed age questionable seeing as it was revealed in the movie that Spongebob was the employee of the month 374 times. That's 31 years and 2 months. Just how old is he really?

Also, he's 13 when he first got the job, but he's been sans parents with his own house this entire time while working fast food? Where does he get that extra scratch? I'm just asking questions.

[–]talitus 14 points15 points ago

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It's all to keep spongebob thinking he's important so krabs doesn't have to do things like raise his wage.

Also, pineapples are cheap.

[–]poo-poo 3 points4 points ago

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Didn't he have one where he won it twice in one month or something? I can't remember, it's been too long. Love spongebob and I felt special to be born in the same year.

[–]Oswyt3hMihtig 2 points3 points ago

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Well, he's a sponge, so maybe he ages slowly and was born in 1886.

[–]Gyvon 2 points3 points ago

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Spongebob's such a badass fry cook, that he won multiple Employee of the Month awards simultaneously.

[–]GracefulxArcher 24 points25 points ago

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And never a promotion in sight.

[–]mindbleach 5 points6 points ago

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The fact that Spongebob has been on for 12 years should make me feel old, but mostly it makes me wonder how the hell I didn't hear about until ~2005. I watched just about every cartoon on television around that time. How did I miss it?

[–]pinguinxxx 3 points4 points ago

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Yes, but what is that in sponge-years?

[–]Fatvod 3 points4 points ago

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Nothing in the show ever indicated each season was a year passing in bikini bottom.

[–]contradictsEverythin 0 points1 point ago

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He was obviously 18

[–]TheThoughTofu 5 points6 points ago

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False. Spongebob is ageless.

[–]zerbey 3 points4 points ago

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Well you figure, the show has been around for 10 years and he's always come across as a dorky teenager to me.

[–]playslikepage71 2 points3 points ago

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Relevant: He now gets cheaper car insurance.

[–]TheRealZoggbot 1 point2 points ago

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TIL I am younger than Spongebob

[–]alwaysnude 81 points82 points ago

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Shit's expired, yo.

[–]lazydictionary 117 points118 points ago

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[–]MrAffinity 66 points67 points ago

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My question is, why do you have these pictures?

[–]lazydictionary 264 points265 points ago

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Because if I didn't, who would? That's right, without me, you would have 3 less Spongebob Squarepants License Photos in your life.

You're Goddam Welcome.

[–]MrAffinity 70 points71 points ago

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Goddamn thank you.

[–]Foxter34 7 points8 points ago

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Now where can I get some damn bait?

[–]Appleofdisarray 0 points1 point ago

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You wouldn't happen to be looking to kill Vido Santiago, would you?

[–]speekEnglish 11 points12 points ago

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Don't ask questions bro, he's Bikini Bottom cop.

[–]Vertigo666 17 points18 points ago

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Damn, those things are pretty detailed for the amount of air time they get.

Also, I like how What Zit Tooya's hair is listed as n/a when he's really the only one with hair

[–]Chris-T 0 points1 point ago

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Crabs has a mustache, that's hair. However he is also listed as n/a.

[–]neoterik 8 points9 points ago

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Mr. Krabs is almost 70?

[–]Sylverstone14 27 points28 points ago

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Spongebob: You want your dime back? (takes one out) Take it! Now Squidward can come back right? (Mr Krabs checks the dime through a telescope)

Mr Krabs: Wrong. That's not my first dime.

Spongebob: Then have some more dimes. (throws out more dimes) I've got plenty of them.

Mr Krabs: You can't put a price on me first dime. And I can't forgive that thieving Squidward for taken it.

Spongebob: (grabs Mr Krabs and chokes him) Listen you crustaceous cheap-skate, Squidward's been living at my house and he's driving me crazy and you're not going to hire him all because of a stupid dime? (a pre-historic dime falls out of Mr Krabs back pocket) What's that?

Mr Krabs: (gasps) Me first dime. Oh, dimey, I'll never lose you again.

Spongebob: This is a dime?

Mr Krabs: I've been in business a long time, boy.

(Quoted from the episode "Can You Spare A Dime?")

[–]xpickles 18 points19 points ago

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So Patrick is 120, Spongebob is 124, and I guess Squidward is 122...

THEN WHO WAS ODDNUMBERSONOTHERSIDEOFCONCHSTREET?

[–]lazydictionary 64 points65 points ago

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Smitty Werbenmanjansen before he died...He was NUMBER 121!

[–]xpickles 28 points29 points ago

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Aw jeez I can't believe I get this.

[–]p1ll0wp4nts 6 points7 points ago

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Be glad you get it.

[–]spencer102 2 points3 points ago

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It's like the opposite of the "this makes me feel old" posts.

[–]_Delacroix 6 points7 points ago

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You accidentally a "Jager"

[–]KashmirKnitter 0 points1 point ago

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That's the only way to Jager.

[–]panda_burgers 5 points6 points ago

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Why the hell does Patrick weigh less than What Zit Tooya? None of this adds up at all!

[–]Kryhavok 3 points4 points ago

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There also seem to be two different licenses. Spongebob's and Krab's have their DOBs on them, but Patrics and What Zit Tooya's dont.

[–]notpolite_notcap_guy 0 points1 point ago

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On top of Patrick's picture is his D.O.B.

[–]thincolnlincoln 1 point2 points ago

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Not quite- That's the expiration date. Also, if that were his DOB, he would have been born 4 years after the show started.

[–]Sasquatch99 0 points1 point ago

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Often time the expiration date is the same as you birthday. Different year obviously. I don't know how prevalent this is but mine and most of my friends' are like this.

[–]lazydictionary 1 point2 points ago

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Expiration dates on licenses usually are exactly X amount of years from the day they were issued. You probably got your first license on your birthday when you were 16, and you keep renewing it. Yada yada yada they don't usually expire on your birthday unless you renewed it on your birthday :D

[–]KashmirKnitter 1 point2 points ago

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That's incorrect. I got my license in October but my birthday is in April, it expires on my birthday. Your driver license (in California) expires on your birthday 5 years from the time you get it, no matter what time of year you actually go to the DMV.

[–]lazydictionary 0 points1 point ago

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While this may be true in California, it is definitely not true in my state.

California doesn't represent the rest of the nation. Notice how I said usually :D

[–]Kryhavok 1 point2 points ago

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derp

[–]radioactivesheep 9 points10 points ago

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[–]michaelcantu93 5 points6 points ago

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i got the angelbob Link

[–]icytash 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Strategist01 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Not_Invited 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Guard01 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Guard01 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Gyvon 0 points1 point ago

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That's not Derpbob. That's Trollfacebob.

[–]AlllDayErrDay 1 point2 points ago

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Hah, no one has this picture yet!

[–]bearsa113609 -1 points0 points ago

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[–]nameofthisuser 2 points3 points ago

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I like there part where it includes their weight.

[–]fswmacguy 2 points3 points ago

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I'm more impressed that they kept the drivers license design consistent in each episode.

[–]DroogyParade 0 points1 point ago

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I share my birthday with Mr. Krabs!

[–]cmaxim 0 points1 point ago

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wow mr. Krabs is 69 years old??

[–]contradictsEverythin 0 points1 point ago

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things don't expire in bikini bottom

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago

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I thought of something funnier than 24... 25!

[–]Beepzoo 10 points11 points ago

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[–]might-be-a-dog 65 points66 points ago

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Via Wikipedia:

Although SpongeBob's driver's license says his birthdate is July 14, 1986, which would make the character 13 years old at the time of the series' "official" premiere on July 17, 1999, Hillenburg joked that he is fifty in "sponge years". He explained that SpongeBob actually has no specific age, but that he is old enough to be on his own and still be going to boating school. The decision to have SpongeBob attend a boat driving school was made due to a request from Nickelodeon that the character attend a school

[–]auraslip 14 points15 points ago

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People that quote wikipedia, but don't link to the article will burn in hell. Under the sea!

[–]wetshrinkage 17 points18 points ago

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Sandy must be an extremely tiny squirrel.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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never realized that, will never look at her the same now, especially since shes from Texas

[–]DarkBlueAnt 2 points3 points ago

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Its the pressure of the water compressing her body.

[–]frakkingcylon 0 points1 point ago

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She's a spinner

[–]squashers 35 points36 points ago

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Spongebob and I have the same bday!

[–]The_Adventurist 31 points32 points ago

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Another way to think of this: You shall forever live in the shadow of Spongebob.

[–]HungryMoblin 5 points6 points ago

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That's not so bad. My birthday is the same as Hitler's, which is a shadow I'll probably never crawl out from under.

[–]ToxiJuice 1 point2 points ago

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[–]SecretFaceHead 0 points1 point ago

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Same here! We also are born on the same day the Columbine shooting took place...pretty dark day, eh?

[–]Demotic -4 points-3 points ago

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420? Duuuuuude, uptoke!

[–]BoseRud 3 points4 points ago

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You and I have the same bday!

[–]tonytwobits 2 points3 points ago

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As do I!

[–]squashers 1 point2 points ago

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happy birthday! :)

[–]WolfpackVolunteer 6 points7 points ago

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Spongebob was born one day before me! Well, 2 years and one day... semantics

[–]BedTrees 3 points4 points ago

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And my bday is the day after yours... 21 in 21 hrs. woo!

[–]chase_the_dragon 2 points3 points ago

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Hey mine too, happy birthday to us!

[–]JPong 1 point2 points ago

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Hey. You stole my birthday. Give it back.

[–]CrimsonFlash 2 points3 points ago

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Same here! Happy birthday, buddy. :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Happy birthday! Have an upvote as your present from your local fellow Redditor.

[–]SnackieOnassis 2 points3 points ago

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Me too! Happy Birthday!

[–]NatureDaddy 2 points3 points ago

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me too! happy birthday! it was my thirtieth this year.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]NatureDaddy 0 points1 point ago

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Basically the same as 29 except people have been even nicer to me this time around. I think they feel like I should be having a mini crisis of meaning.

[–]knilob 2 points3 points ago

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You and me both, my friend. We'll forever be eclipsed by all the greatness he hath wrought in this world.

[–]hired_goon 1 point2 points ago

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no way! me too.

happy Bastille Day.

[–]squashers 0 points1 point ago

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haha yes! HBD = Happy Birthday or Happy Bastille Day? :p

[–]hired_goon 0 points1 point ago

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both :-)

[–]OatmealPowerSalad 0 points1 point ago

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us three!

[–]jrhoffa 0 points1 point ago

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Mine, too. Now my life has meaning!

[–]mildxsalsa 6 points7 points ago

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Hot damn! Spongebob and I have the same birthday!

[–]evitagen-armak 2 points3 points ago

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Have you considered that you in fact are Spongebob?

[–]mildxsalsa 1 point2 points ago

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On more than one occasion. I can do his laugh well enough that people will look around for the life-size sponge.

[–]evitagen-armak 0 points1 point ago

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Do you perhaps live under the sea in a pineapple, sir?

[–]OatmealPowerSalad 2 points3 points ago

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Us 3!

[–]VitalInformation 21 points22 points ago

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If you see someone drowning, it's rude to stand there trying to throw popcorn into their mouth.

[–]slashbringinghasher 2 points3 points ago

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I do not know what relevance this has to anything in this post this post, but it his hilarious. Have an upvote

[–]cocoaccino 4 points5 points ago

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It's vital information

[–]Its_all_23 24 points25 points ago

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License number:1 3 5 6 0 2 1

13 + 5 + 6 + 0 - 2 + 1 = 23

Expires 12-11-03

12 + 11 - 0 * 3 = 23

Address: 124 Conch St.

24 - 1 = 23

Height: 0.04 Wt: 1 oz

(10 in base 4) + 0! = 23

DOB: 07-14-56

(0 + 7 - 1) * 4 + 5 - 6 =23

It's a conspiracy

[–]evilhankventure 5 points6 points ago

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Upvote for using base four, 0!, and just changing numbers to fit

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Its_all_23 0 points1 point ago

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13 + 5 + 6 + 0 - 1 ^ 2

13 + 11 - 0 * 2

24 * 1

(0 + 7 - 1) * 4 * (6-5)

IT'S ALL 24

[–]obrysii 0 points1 point ago

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And until yesterday he was 23 years old.

[–]IronicFiretruck 9 points10 points ago

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Weight - 1oz Height .04

I never knew he was that small... Woe

[–]snailboy 13 points14 points ago

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[–]slams 7 points8 points ago

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Spongebob authorized to drive a school bus huh?

[–]AllisonFaye 4 points5 points ago

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I HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS SPONGE BOB?!

[–]kidzbopfan1 4 points5 points ago

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hey me too!

[–]The_Adventurist 14 points15 points ago

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Is it everyone's god damn birthday today?!

[–]nanowerx 2 points3 points ago

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This day will live on in infamy as the day 20% of our population was born.

[–]AllisonFaye 1 point2 points ago

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I have never met anyone with the same birthday as me.. I just turned 18 You my friend... are awesome

[–]kidzbopfan1 1 point2 points ago

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Dont forget France (unless you want to), it's French Independence Day on the 14th, so it's their birthday as well.

[–]Sarria22 1 point2 points ago

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Now, I'm not to huge on my european history here, but french independence from WHAT day?

[–]SoullessDayWalker 1 point2 points ago

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Themselves.

[–]NimbusBP1729 0 points1 point ago

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odds are you have.

[–]OatmealPowerSalad 1 point2 points ago

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me too! :D

[–]coraleaterlinda 1 point2 points ago

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I'm only 1 week off! My username was actually inspired by spongebob.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Spongebob's 25?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I loved the Spongebob movie. I thought it was a delightful adaption of the Odyssey.

[–]woofa_q 2 points3 points ago

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But its already the 15th on the East Coast :(

[–]Chadversary 2 points3 points ago

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more like congratulations! how many times has Spongebob tried for his drivers license? about fucking time, Spongbob, kudos to you man.

[–]rap3point0 0 points1 point ago

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He has actually obtained his licence on multiple occasions only to lose it shortly thereafter. Once in a dream, Mrs. Puff then flew by and told him not even in his dreams. Once after taking control of the largest boat in history, it was actually being towed by a tug boat. Once when every person in bikini bottom inexplicably vanished; it was national no Sponge-Bob day.

[–]zippo24 2 points3 points ago

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then who was conch?

[–]chinchill0r 2 points3 points ago

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TIL Spongebob is the same age as me.

[–]poopymcfarts 2 points3 points ago

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A Class S license! TIL Spongebob is really good at Crazy Taxi.

[–]ProximaC 2 points3 points ago

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Uh... What happened to not posting personal information?!?!? That has his address and everything on it!

[–]alliha 8 points9 points ago

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I don't get it, how can he have a birthday in the 14th month?

[–]evilhankventure 21 points22 points ago

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You have exposed yourself, non-American! You will never defeat us with your "in the most logical order" date format. Next you will have us using the devil's metric system.

[–]BrowsOfSteel 6 points7 points ago

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You will never defeat us with your "in the most logical order" date format.

That’s because they don’t use the most logical order date format

[–]poo-poo 0 points1 point ago

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You have exposed yourself, non-Windows user! You will never defeat us with your "in the most logical order" date format. Next you will have us using the devil's metric system.

[–]describe_the_picture 1 point2 points ago

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It is a screencap taken from the popular children's show and cult hit Spongebob Squarepants. A blue hand holds a driver's license from Bikini Bottom, the fictional home of the protagonist, Spongebob. Coincidentally it is also his driver's license being shown here. A portrait of the sponge himself takes up the bottom-left corner of the picture, whilst other details including his full name, address, sex, hair and eye colour and signature are also present. The intention of the picture, however, lies in the date of birth. It is seen on the picture to be 07-14-86, precisely 25 years from today. From this, agentdom has clearly realised that today is Spongebob's birthday, and is using the picture as some sort of proof. Pure brilliance.

[–]danthemango 1 point2 points ago

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how do you tell if a sponge is male?

[–]snailboy 9 points10 points ago

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Because he wears pants.

[–]ferenthos 1 point2 points ago

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See if he's got a duck.

[–]TJFadness 1 point2 points ago*

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Holy shit! We share birthd- Oh, his was yesturday. Close enough.

[–]NinjaBear77 1 point2 points ago

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Thats my birthday to :D

[–]Yahoosakie 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone else notice that if you tilt your laptop screen back there is a white box around the year of his birthday as if it were edited?

[–]Justamouse 1 point2 points ago

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TIL spongebob and I are the same age..

[–]Gordondel 1 point2 points ago

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Silly americans! His birthday is actually the 7th of ... of..

[–]freethinkaa 1 point2 points ago

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Spongebob has the same birthday as me?? :-D (Except I'm 1988)

[–]joshuazed 1 point2 points ago

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Awesome, his birthday is the day before mine!

[–]finnyG 5 points6 points ago

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Stole this post from earlier. Shame shame

[–]agentdom[S] 7 points8 points ago

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Actually, saw it on a Facebook post first and thought "that's funny, I want to share with reddit." Only after I submitted did I think that I should have checked if someone else posted it. I will admit my bad for that, but I did not steal it from an earlier reddit post.

[–]finnyG 5 points6 points ago

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Fair enough. Here's some karma

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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the way i see it is, it gets seen, both saw it and found it interesting, both posted here, just happens one was quicker than the other

[–]Teddyjo 0 points1 point ago

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lol my status yesterday was "Happy birthday you magnificent sponge you" but i stole it from reddit anyway :p

[–]joeylou 0 points1 point ago

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I share a birthday with Spongebob?! Awesome!!!

[–]IClimbStuff 0 points1 point ago

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The realization that this fictional character is older than I am by a few months upsets me more than it should.

[–]raeboyz 0 points1 point ago

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Spongebob and Ingmar Bergman have the same birthday

[–]aenox 0 points1 point ago

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Sympathy karma is better than none, no?

[–]Tigeroovy 0 points1 point ago

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I had no idea Sponge-Bob was a month older than me.

[–]MrBabune 0 points1 point ago

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He should probably get his license renewed...

[–]taggedtoaster 0 points1 point ago

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I would have never guessed that I shared my birthday (down to the year) with spongebob.

[–]eifersucht12a 0 points1 point ago

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His license expired on my 12th birthday.

Just uh... Throwing that out there I guess.

[–]baconisgoodforme 0 points1 point ago

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TIL I'm the same age as SpongeBob.

[–]LostRealist 0 points1 point ago

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TIL; I share a birthday with a fictional sponge. Also, he is older than me by 2 years. Poop.

[–]t3yrn 0 points1 point ago

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WA State Drivers Licenses always expire on your birthday -- is this different in different states?

Or just in Bikini Bottom?

[–]georgewashingtonIV 0 points1 point ago

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TIL I share a birthday with Spongebob!

[–]Th4t9uy 0 points1 point ago

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Funny, looks he was born on 7th November to me

[–]zosofrank 0 points1 point ago

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Hey, him and my wife have the same birthday. This must be from the one where everybody has a no spongebob day.

[–]tommygunnzzz 0 points1 point ago

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That is the most immature, yet one of the most bad ass 25 year old cartoon characters I mean come on It's the final countdown

[–]CheezwizBrosef 0 points1 point ago

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OMG Spongebobs birthday is a week after mine. I feel special now

[–]Mavrikson 0 points1 point ago

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born yesterday....imma go see if that guy will give me his house.

[–]honky_mcgee 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure in the episode that the driver's license was fake because Mrs. Puff didn't want to teach him in driving school anymore so that might not be his real birthday. Not that I watch Spongebob that much...

[–]EntangledMess 0 points1 point ago

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TIL Spongebob is 2 months older than me.

[–]jigby61 0 points1 point ago

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...and many more

[–]Drook 0 points1 point ago

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Nice catch

[–]IdiotRedditor- 0 points1 point ago

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Happy birthday!

[–]sk714 0 points1 point ago

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apparently spongebob is exactly one year younger than me

[–]Swilcan 0 points1 point ago

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Happy 25th! You like crappy patties don't ya Squidward?

[–]stripper_junky 0 points1 point ago*

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I don't know about everywhere else, but in Texas, your license expires on your birthday. I think the birthdate was changed and he was actually born on December. Mr. Krab's expires on his birthday.

Edit: after looking up several pictures of his license, they all show it as July. Bikini Bottom... You're a weird place.

[–]PartyOnAlec 0 points1 point ago

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TIL I have the same birthday as Spongebob, and he is 3 years my senior.

[–]Boko_ 0 points1 point ago

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He's 25?! WHAT THE FUCK?

[–]eedok 0 points1 point ago

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how the hell did he finish boat-o-cross without flipping? It's so hard

[–]ThumbWar 0 points1 point ago

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TIL spongebob has the same birthday as me

[–]tfshields 0 points1 point ago

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FAKE!

[–]Shadow14l 0 points1 point ago

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That's the date his license was issued, not necessarily his birthday. My license was issued weeks after my birthday.

[–]AllisonFaye 0 points1 point ago

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Well according to this Spongebob is not only 25, but has the same birthday as me.

[–]Toothpowder 0 points1 point ago

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This show was fucking gold when it first came out in '99 (I was 8). Watched it until I was maybe 11 or so. I saw an episode recently and dear god has it gone downhill.

[–]gt12a 1 point2 points ago

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The writers and voices changed after season 3 I believe.

[–]garyp714 0 points1 point ago

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Holy fuck - not only do I share a fucking birthday with sponge bob, my name is Gary like the freakin' snail.

I'm living a cartoon...

[–]humanmanguy 0 points1 point ago

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omg spongebobs birthday is the same day as mine?!?!? dude please tell me this isn't fake >:O

[–]OatmealPowerSalad 0 points1 point ago

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I apologize in advance for the caps...

I SHARE MY BIRTHDAY WITH SPONGEBOB! :DDDDD