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top 200 commentsshow all 280

[–]Meilos 240 points241 points ago*

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Twenty seconds of staring later ...OH I GET IT

Edit: And evidently I discovered how to make italic.

[–]hutchins_moustache 169 points170 points ago

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Does that make you sofa king slow?

[–]Meilos 43 points44 points ago

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I still laughed even though its true. :|

[–]the_lost_soul 1 point2 points ago

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wellp honesty is a policy...

[–]WretchedLocket 23 points24 points ago

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sofa king we todd did

[–]isleshocky 5 points6 points ago

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ID 10 T error

[–]MikeSD34 6 points7 points ago

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Have you checked for the PEBKAC condition? It might be a problem with your blinker fluid.

[–]lurkerinreallife 1 point2 points ago

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It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads, and I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.

[–]xtripzx 0 points1 point ago

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I just replaced my muffler bearings yesterday.

[–]MikeSD34 0 points1 point ago

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Are you using unilateral phase detractors? You should consider using a Turbo Encabulator.

[–]lurkerinreallife 0 points1 point ago

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Now that is interesting. Here is the cover of GE's datasheet from 1962.

[–]Caedus_Vao 0 points1 point ago

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This guy's trying to scam you. It's your rotator girder and high-speed weeblewobble shaft. They're both out of spec, and need stretched.

[–]Live-n-let-live 3 points4 points ago

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My boyfriend had to explain this to me (o.o)

[–]koviko 37 points38 points ago

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Look at this guy, he has a boyfriend!

[–]Live-n-let-live 11 points12 points ago

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I have a vagina. Maybe this is why I should stay in the kitchen where I belong. :b

[–]koviko 55 points56 points ago

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Look at this guy, he has a vagina!

[–]sprucenoose 9 points10 points ago

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I would in fact probably look at that.

[–]Selfishness 2 points3 points ago

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Look at this vagina, he has a guy !

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This man has noticed that as well

[–]isleshocky 0 points1 point ago

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Barefoot and pregnant.

[–]potterarchy 1 point2 points ago

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I worked in IT, and we used to use that sometimes when older clients were present. We'd make it sound like it was a serious problem when discussing it amongst ourselves. "Yes, I think this is basically your classic example of the ID-10T error. We'll just have to defragment the drive and reboot the whole system immediately. There's no other way."

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]electronicdream 15 points16 points ago

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Holy crap, I thought there was nothing to get... and then, after seeing your post... OH I GET IT

[–]loldan 2 points3 points ago

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It is with great shame and humility that I say it has taken me way too long to get that 'OH I GET IT' moment. I need to get better at the internets.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I don't and it's driving me crazy. what is there to get?

[–]supsaent 24 points25 points ago

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you're soda mmm.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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It's been 17 minutes .. how's it going over there?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I don't know; probably it's some cultural reference I don't get. I don't care(?)

[–]joeflux 49 points50 points ago

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"soda pressing" = "so depressing"

[–]Swampf0x 6 points7 points ago

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Where is the closest bridge in Broward county?

[–]JohnTrollvolta 1 point2 points ago

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You're joking right? Broward County is the flatest part of the earth. The biggest hills are the on and off ramps to the freeway. That and the garbage dump, a.k.a. Mount Trashmore.

[–]Swampf0x 0 points1 point ago

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True. I guess there are other ways to off myself

[–]CryoGuy 3 points4 points ago

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Back the way you came, stranger.

[–]californicat -1 points0 points ago

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HEY THAT'S WHERE I LIVE!

[–]Shadax 3 points4 points ago

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Aw man, now everyone's gonna know.

[–]bspielburg 6 points7 points ago

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Guess that means you can't like it anymore, hipster.

[–]HarryLillis 2 points3 points ago

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Oh.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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thanks! it was very obvious...I feel more stupid now =)

[–]eshinn 1 point2 points ago

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Wait a few minutes. Time works wonders.

[–]cos7a 0 points1 point ago

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Try saying it out loud.

[–]BigBadBastich -3 points-2 points ago

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Here's a hint: Look at carefully at his face

[–]bestnameofalltime -1 points0 points ago

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Here's a bigger hint: "Soda" is more than one word.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I love that we can't stand the idea of this guy missing the joke.

[–]superfusion1 5 points6 points ago

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Reddit cares.

[–]spatterjay 3 points4 points ago

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I love that most people won't just straight up give him the answer, either

[–]xPoncex 1 point2 points ago

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Try saying soda pressing out loud.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]fonster_mox 9 points10 points ago

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The policeman is from and in the UK. I'm in the UK. We don't call it Soda here, and yet I still got the joke.

[–]Rathum 0 points1 point ago

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I got it and I'm from Chicago, where it's also called pop.

It's just like the old "sofa king" joke.

[–]deliciousbrains 0 points1 point ago

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Canadian here, "pop" is generally the preferred term to "soda" in these parts. "Soda" seems to be far more popular in the states than up here.

Also, what's with people in the south calling it all "coke"?

[–]AnonymousJ 0 points1 point ago

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UK here where I am its either brand names (but coke for all cola) or flavor-ade.

[–]BlakeBurch 0 points1 point ago

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"as of March 2003"

I guarantee you, at least in Texas cities, Soda is more widely used. Calling it a coke causes confusion and more people want the locally made Dr. Pepper. :)

[–]OverinflatedEgo -1 points0 points ago

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I actually left home, went to work, read it again, went to the bathroom, and finally came back and got it. I am clearly not qualified to have any sort of gainful employment.

[–]gladd86 0 points1 point ago

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AMA Request: Soda Pressing Guy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I had to read it twice, several hours apart.

[–]r00x -2 points-1 points ago

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I had to read your comment before I even realised there was something to get.

I think my brain is deteriorating.

[–]frgn8r 314 points315 points ago

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[–]falcun 112 points113 points ago

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soda ya have a new line of work now?

[–]washburnian 51 points52 points ago

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nah he's just a cokehead now

[–]lushaq 38 points39 points ago

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He should go see Dr. Pepper. He's an addictions specialist.

[–]flabbergasted1 39 points40 points ago

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True. He'll Dew you right.

[–]Xenc 20 points21 points ago

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Get used to his dog, it barqs a lot when he's seeing patients.

[–]jbenz 26 points27 points ago

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Oh shit I almost mist a soda thread, phew!

[–]Xenc 33 points34 points ago

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And for that you get almost 7Up votes.

[–]WalnutSoap 12 points13 points ago

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Izze serious about giving that many upvotes?

[–]must_pet_kitteh_asap 26 points27 points ago

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this thread is Fanta-stic

[–]pulezan 7 points8 points ago

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DeSprite your negative attitude, I have given him an upvote.

[–]notabigtruck 1 point2 points ago

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This thread has a lot of Pep.See what a positive attitude can do?

[–]Yukfinn 0 points1 point ago

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Man now you having me jones-in for some puns

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]filmfiend999 3 points4 points ago

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He is the best. Always working to Crush the competition.

[–]eshinn 1 point2 points ago

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I went to see that Dr. Pepper. He just gave me a cup and said he wanted to analyse my MellowYellow

[–]carterknudsen 0 points1 point ago

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Just don't go see Mr. Pibb. Dude didn't even get his degree.

[–]MurdocGrim -2 points-1 points ago

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So I guess he does have a new "line" of work

[–]Fricktitious 0 points1 point ago

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soda ya have a new line of work now, eh?

[–]hometimrunner -4 points-3 points ago

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Can you tell me how you got such a job?

[–]Eminence120 9 points10 points ago

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Stop! You've violated the law!

[–]hetoan2 10 points11 points ago

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Stop right there law breaker!

[–]Poltras 6 points7 points ago

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STOP! Or I will say stop again!

[–]Redditsays 2 points3 points ago

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It proves: with a pun and a imgur link, you get to the front page.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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More like an homage.

[–]secretaffair 1 point2 points ago

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[–]k0mm13 46 points47 points ago

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Actually, it looks like a Fanta-stic way to spend your time!

[–]Arctic_ 16 points17 points ago

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It really does, desprite the dirty hands you get.

[–]zpcraft 15 points16 points ago

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I can't think of a cola job.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, that one fell flat.

[–]bonertr0n 0 points1 point ago

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lmao, I wouldn't even consider that a pun tbh. More like a face-plant. I think I'll have some pepsid for the heartburn you've caused me.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]I_Promise_Im_Not_Gay 4 points5 points ago

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This entire chain of puns is awful.

[–]boss1000 -5 points-4 points ago

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Wow. I think we're done with this pun thread, sweet-tea.

[–]Darus -5 points-4 points ago

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No just no, just stop this shit right here. I came here because i knew that the top thread was going to be another bloody pun thread circlejerk.

Enough is enough reddit ಠ_ಠ

[–]k0mm13 1 point2 points ago

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/r/funny: serious business

[–]Darus -1 points0 points ago

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/r/funny: filled with unfunny puns.

At least we have ironic comedy down.

[–]OneNineTwo 27 points28 points ago

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This was an aluminating post.

[–]I_Promise_Im_Not_Gay 8 points9 points ago

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I can not believe how much I laughed!

[–]JohnGalt2010 4 points5 points ago

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Took me a second, I thought the puns already fizzled out.

[–]I_Promise_Im_Not_Gay -4 points-3 points ago

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We should keep going in sprite of how bad it is.

[–]syuk 1 point2 points ago

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don't worry it will be recycled in a couple of days.

[–]kitchlol -1 points0 points ago

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This doesn't work if you say the word properly.

[–]ethomp 0 points1 point ago

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Aluminiating?

[–]NeverWaitOnline 2 points3 points ago

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Sodas that pay well?

[–]virgilturtle 13 points14 points ago

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Heddlu/Welsh policemen... yeah, that's about all they do.

[–]jonvox 11 points12 points ago

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That and calling Gwen Cooper whenever anything alien-y happens.

[–]MalaclypsetheMystic 2 points3 points ago

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To be clear, 'Heddlu; is Welsh for 'Police', not 'Welsh Policemen'.

[–]Theropissed 2 points3 points ago

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To be far I speak welsh wharrgarbl

[–]eshinn 0 points1 point ago

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Sounds like that guy from Plants vs Zombies. Oh so THAT's why there's plants on the rooftops.

[–]virgilturtle -1 points0 points ago

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[–]trshtehdsh 0 points1 point ago

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So, wait, lemmegethisstraight, police people crush cans in the UK/Wales???

[–]theXarf 2 points3 points ago

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That one does.

[–]internet_hobo 2 points3 points ago

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It really can crush your soul

[–]garrerobritanico 2 points3 points ago

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You need a CAN do attitude

[–]zorak303 7 points8 points ago

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thought it was Dave Foley for a minute

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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That's a British police officer, therefore it's not "soda" it's "a can of fizzy drink" or just "a can"

[–]CaptO -2 points-1 points ago

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Please, that's a Welsh police officer.

[–]goonjm 4 points5 points ago

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So, British.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, meaning he's British.

I never said English anywhere did I?

Plus, it's difficult to tell. I'm not nationalistic enough to give a flying shit. I just dislike Americanisms.

[–]mr_tgreen 0 points1 point ago

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word up

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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That actually was my job for a summer. I worked at a brewery here in Sweden which were a bit late on the machine revolution. Every time they got a faulty batch of beer/cider they put it out back near a little shed with a drain inside of it with two machines. One was similar to the one in the picture and the other one was some weird slow barley-automatic can-crusher. I had to line up 20 or so cans in a little pipe to the automatic crusher and it started its slow work on them and at the same time I had to cut a can so it started to drain, crush it and throw it in the collection cage. It smelled so bad in there the first week that I though I would never get the stench of bad beer out of my nose. The second week I didn't notice and after that it was easy sailing. I never got a date during that summer for some reason though. The hobos loved me though.

[–]Firstprime 1 point2 points ago

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Actually he's a British police officer. So depressing.

[–]CressCrowbits 8 points9 points ago

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We don't call soft drinks 'soda' in the UK.

JOKE RUINED

[–]AlternateKarmaSource 0 points1 point ago

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Soft drinks? I'll let it slide. At least you don't call it "pop".

[–]whowannawut 3 points4 points ago

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dont hate on the midwest!

[–]jasonsan3 0 points1 point ago

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Pop pop!

[–]J_Pinehurst 0 points1 point ago

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You, my friend, have a magnetic attitude. This comment contains such Magnitude.

[–]boraxx 1 point2 points ago

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A lot of older people in Britain do call it pop.

[–]Cacospectamania 0 points1 point ago

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Only midwesterners call it pop. Pop is for Shakers, sodas for movers. When you add the two together you get things done!

[–]MyOtherCarIsEpona 1 point2 points ago

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Is that a can of Orange Crush?

[–]ViscountShiningWit 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty sure it's Tango Orange. http://www.office365.co.uk/im/pim/460325.jpg

[–]AMostOriginalUserNam 7 points8 points ago

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Whoosh.

[–]syuk 1 point2 points ago

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I thought I recognised this guy, its Brit Vic.

[–]rocklicker 1 point2 points ago

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trying so hard to think of a soda brand with a joke.

can only think of Irn Bru

Fuck you all.

[–]kowalski71 0 points1 point ago

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That's a nice sweater.

[–]ron_howard_narrates 3 points4 points ago

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In fact, the sweater was standard issue, so he had no choice in the matter.

[–]Jzkqm 0 points1 point ago

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Oh god, this is actually my job. I work at a Pepsi factory and crush cans. :(

[–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point ago

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That would be a cool for like 5 minutes.

[–]mrsinsay 0 points1 point ago

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For god sakes man, show a little enthusiasm; the boss may enjoy Reddit, too.

[–]gerrard77 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Pomplamousse 0 points1 point ago

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Policing soda crushing.

[–]glassy125 0 points1 point ago

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excellent play on words!

[–]thmz 0 points1 point ago

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Do Brits throw soda cans into the trash bin? We get 0.2€ for a 0.5l bottle and 0.4€ for a 1,5l, 0.15€ for cans. I get like 10€ from the store when I save up a month worth of soda.

WHY?!

[–]verisimilarity 0 points1 point ago

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Didn't someone post this as a text joke, like, two days ago?

[–]metalsupremacist 0 points1 point ago

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HAHA, I had to read it out loud for the aha

[–]I_AM_VERY_ANGRY 0 points1 point ago

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THAT WAS FUCKING TERRIUBKE:!!!!!

[–]ProjektTHOR 0 points1 point ago

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[–]rlbond86 0 points1 point ago

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[–]googlemekyle 0 points1 point ago

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Is... Is this little contraption actually design solely to crush soda cans? I get the joke, but.. What's that black thing?

[–]jjmcnugget 0 points1 point ago

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Best pun I've heard all day!

[–]matchstiq 0 points1 point ago

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Today I saw a truck run over a sealed can of Stella Artois, spraying a woman and her dog.

[–]The_Auditor 0 points1 point ago

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"Don't crush the can, that's 10 cents!"

What every Michigander says to someone out of state.

[–]Dohr 0 points1 point ago

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Lame Pun Cop?

[–]tharizzle 0 points1 point ago

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Sucks.

[–]PH30NIX 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you police officer, you crushed my childhood dreams.

[–]smingleton 0 points1 point ago

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wasn't this on r/funny in joke form?

[–]jaikrishan 0 points1 point ago

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good job dude..keep it up

[–]th3historian 0 points1 point ago

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Had a bad day. This post made m smile. Thank you.

[–]Lotech 0 points1 point ago

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Don't get canned!

[–]Asykotv 0 points1 point ago

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This sums up my life

[–]bombaybicycleclub 0 points1 point ago

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Really? Front page?

[–]inkslave 0 points1 point ago

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Cheer up. Maybe you'll get canned.

[–]e_d_a_m -2 points-1 points ago

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Unfortunately, this picture is from the UK, where it's called fizzy pop (or just "pop"), not soda.

[–]crykyt 0 points1 point ago

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We call it pop in Buffalo, but none of the cities near us do.

[–]e_d_a_m 0 points1 point ago

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As in Buffalo, NY, USA? How strange. Is "pop" used as slang, or does everyone call it that?

[–]crykyt 1 point2 points ago

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Yep, Buffalo, NY. Everyone here calls it pop or asks by brand name. We can tell a visitor/newcomer by their use of the word soda.

http://popvssoda.com:2998/

[–]blubloblu -1 points0 points ago

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Incorrect.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Funny Jokes app on the android devices, well played sir, well played.

[–]jenv729 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, how I love a good pun.

[–]SphincterNuts 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know how you set your priorities... it's quite a pressing situation.

[–]LeCoseBella 0 points1 point ago

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Didn't know the existence of this job! Sounds fun ;) Maybe better than mine although

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]nikmisnikmis -1 points0 points ago

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Maybe he can

[–]ravemaster7 -1 points0 points ago*

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I used to use that type of can crusher all the time when I was young. I actually looked forward to this chore. I was the destroyer of cans.

Edit: To the downvoters, IDGAF about karma, but I'm genuinely curious as to your reasoning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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They had these at the baseball fields when I was in little league. Not really that hard to believe that crushing soda cans at a baseball game was a lot more exciting than playing baseball.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Pick up that can! ...

...so I can crush it like my crushed dreams

[–]Funkit -1 points0 points ago

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Man, that joke is FANTAstic

[–]Henos -3 points-2 points ago

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You see the thing that annoys me about this is, that is obviously not his job, he is a policeman, see it says so right there on his jumper. What a misleading statement.

[–]the_hiveminder -1 points0 points ago

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Thats not soda. Its fizzy pop.

[–]HipsterWaldo -1 points0 points ago

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har dee har har

[–]behaaki -1 points0 points ago

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A pun! To the top with you!

[–]tacomaaan -1 points0 points ago

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I hope you realize that the next week of reddit will be shitty job related puns in image macros.

[–]TheMuffinDragon 0 points1 point ago

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nah, there's too much effort to think of them. people won't attempt to think that much

[–]woyteck -1 points0 points ago

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I want one. (the press, that is)

[–]woohoo -3 points-2 points ago

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at least you don't have the pop-arazzi all over you

[–]guenchy -4 points-3 points ago

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I instantly thought about the Seinfeld episode and the michigan bottle return scam.

[–]ThePopemobile -1 points0 points ago

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i wonder what the job title is - chief aliminium deformer specialist?

[–]Realworld -1 points0 points ago

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Roundabout story:

I recently cleaned up a mechanics shop that was being misused as a party house by depressed young heirs. Tools, beer cans and trash covered shop floor and outside. Gathered tools up into a big pile, swept beer cans & trash outside. Cleaned and sorted tools into proper cabinets & chests. Bagged trash & disposed of.

That left an outside carpeted in beer cans. I tried using an old beer can compressor like one shown, but it was too slow and fussy. Finally settled on standing 50 or so cans upright and stepping from can to can compacting them. Gather flattened cans into upright plastic barrel and repeat the process.

Filled two 50-gallon barrels to brim and left for unemployed owners to reclaim. It was months before they realized aluminum could be cashed in. How much is 100 gallons aka 13.4 cubic feet of scrap aluminum worth? How much did that much beer cost?

[–]Hughtub 1 point2 points ago

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Aluminum is probably something like 22.53lb/gallon (just guessing), but well-crushed cans might be 1/3 of that density (estimate), so 7lb/gallon makes 700 lbs of aluminum, with the value currently over $1/lb makes those barrels of cans worth $700.

[–]Realworld 0 points1 point ago

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You really caught my attention. I looked into it myself and found a commercial can compacter that compresses 45 lb of aluminum cans into a 6.2 cu ft bale. Backing these numbers out, my compacting effort probably involved less than 97 lbs of aluminum. More than I expected, but not as bad as giving away $700.

I also found empty aluminum cans are 34.2 cans per pound, so there were over 3,000 beer cans strewn around. That's a lot of money spent on beer.

[–]Toxic-Popsicle -1 points0 points ago

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insert suicide here.

[–]jigby61 -1 points0 points ago

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Iv seen worse

[–]dextergirl247 -1 points0 points ago

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hehehehehe sooo funny

[–]TheIcelander -1 points0 points ago

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Here I am, brain the size of the planet. And there's a pain in the diodes down my left side.

[–]Aragatz -1 points0 points ago

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Salary??

[–]SlotCarSteve -1 points0 points ago

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slowclap.gif

[–]PullOutBoy -1 points0 points ago

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This guy is going places

[–]plealoveme -1 points0 points ago

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sofa king......

[–]thatsillyguy -1 points0 points ago

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press that shit....like a boss.