When I was around 9 or 10 I wiped my ass with poison sumac.

I lived in rural Tennessee growing up and we were allowed to roam about. Well, me and an older friend decided to walk a few miles through the woods to go to the town pool because it was hot. It was a great time and on the way home we stopped in a gas station for a bite to eat. I believe I got some tater wedges and fried gizzards, along with a coke.

Well, on the way back through the woods I had to go. Grease just moved it right through me I suppose. Oh, and it was hot outside. Real fucking sticky hot with no breeze. Not sure why that's important, but I remember it vividly so I suppose it is. Anyhow, my buddy just tells me to shit in the woods. At first I thought I could make it and decided to try, because I had never shit in the wild and was concerned, but was soon swayed by the urgency of my bowels.

By the time I had to shit, it was already past the point of being prepared with finding proper leaves and a good spot. "I GOTTA GO!", was followed by squatting by a tree and trying to get my pants off before the ass-cano explosion. When I was done I wiped with leaves that I grabbed from down. ALWAYS GRAB LEAVES FROM UP! I had to wipe good, it was such a mess. I wiped so good.

I ended up having to go to the doctors and get a shot and some prescription cream. Because of the location, all in my asscrack and under my balls, it had to be applied a couple times a day for like a week. It's a very awkward thing to have your mother rub cold cream on your button at that age (or any I suppose).

For the first few days I just laid on my stomach. I couldn't sit or anything. Plus you can't wipe good because toilet paper feels like the roughest grit sandpaper.

I still remember it all pretty clearly. I suppose its things like this in our younger days that develop us as adults.

Oh, and my buddy for the longest time called me "Poison Kayak".