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all 58 comments

[–]zeb1[S] 31 points32 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Wade_W_Wilson 8 points9 points ago

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Why would a shark be afraid of a diver with a knife? That's like Georges St Pierre being afraid of Shia LaBeouf in the octagon. Colossal mismatch.

(Hello Canada)

[–]daliminator 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Wade_W_Wilson 2 points3 points ago

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I guess that Shark knows the knife industry better than I do...

[–]plasma_rifle 1 point2 points ago

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Oh wow. I just wasted so much time on that website.

[–]Unsolved_Mysteries 0 points1 point ago

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[–]preston159 0 points1 point ago

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Am I the only one who read all of these in an Australian accent?

[–]billmalarky 0 points1 point ago

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Why is this necessary? Apparently the source is Phil.

[–]SpiritoftheTunA 39 points40 points ago

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suck my diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick

[–]EnjoyMyDownvote 10 points11 points ago

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im a shaaaaarkkkk

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SpiritoftheTunA 2 points3 points ago

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google "the singing shark"

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Hypersapien 0 points1 point ago

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No, youtube Jabberjaw

[–]SlyScorpion 0 points1 point ago

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Google "Land shark"

[–]GoogleThinksYouMeant -5 points-4 points ago

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[–]Toadee 2 points3 points ago

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My curiosity of why he chose 3 a's in his domain name led me to the shaark website. It's actually pretty cool (and minimalist at the moment).

[–]TheBoyOfSteel 2 points3 points ago

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Reminded me of The Simpsons

[–]Door_Knob 6 points7 points ago

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COMMMMEEEENNNNTTT!

[–]Stop_Sign 0 points1 point ago

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UPPPVVVOOOOOOTTEEE

[–]sk84life0129 0 points1 point ago

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CATCH PHRASE

[–]J_O_N -2 points-1 points ago

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NOOOPPPEEE

[–]anexanhume 1 point2 points ago

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It's me, Steve. I taste like peanut butter snickers.

[–]VideoVamp 1 point2 points ago

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JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[–]swellsurfer 1 point2 points ago

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I've got to say sharks are way more chill than most people think, I've seen like 10 before and not a single fuck was given by any of them.

[–]TheMadMule 0 points1 point ago

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That's probably because they weren't hungry at the time.

[–]TheBawlrus 2 points3 points ago

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[–]mikekearn 2 points3 points ago

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What the fuck?

[–]aTOMic8 0 points1 point ago

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The shark and the swimmer had some tea and cucumber sandwiches a little later in the day.

[–]Flyingbuffaloman 0 points1 point ago

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That shark should really stop playing with his food.

[–]jwiener 0 points1 point ago

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Somewhat relevant:

I was at a picnic and some people who were nearby apparently just saw their friend, and one guy in the group yelled JAMES!! They were quite close to us, so I yell back "WHAT!". Then everyone stared at me for what felt like an hour (closer to 5 seconds I imagine).

[–]zerozoom 0 points1 point ago

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The name "Phil" looks like the wireless signal strength icon.

[–]MustStopMasturbating 0 points1 point ago

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Sharks are such misunderstood creatures; literally and figuratively.

[–]dnlslm9 0 points1 point ago

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Took me a second to get this. I feel dumb.

[–]unclesharky 0 points1 point ago

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Whaaaaaat?

[–]LessLikeYou 0 points1 point ago

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Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail fin. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark will go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

[–]EagleEyeInTheSky 1 point2 points ago

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You know, that's actually a true story.

[–]LessLikeYou 0 points1 point ago

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nod

[–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point ago

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Funny. Upvote for you!

[–]feloniusmonk 0 points1 point ago

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A shark named Shark? Those were some unoriginal parents.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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The shark should be the one screaming "human" in fear.

[–]eodp3 0 points1 point ago

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Khaaa'aak!

[–]usualsuspects 0 points1 point ago

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This reminded me that my official Shark Week towel will be here soon. I got really excited and tried to say "shaaark!" but it came out really garbled and creepy-sounding since I haven't spoken at all since I went running a bit ago. /coolstorybro

[–]Archontes 0 points1 point ago

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I guess I'm the only person who thought, "Taaaaaank!"

[–]TheWhitCat 0 points1 point ago

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aaa haa

[–]polluteconversation 0 points1 point ago

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For whatever reason, I'm reading the shark in Adam Carolla's voice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I read that without the 'r', in a Bostonian accent.

A WICKED SHAAAAAAAAAAK

[–]jigby61 -2 points-1 points ago

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Just watched bridesmaids an hour ago walked in expecting a B+ walked out...A- (a small one but an A none the less)

[–]CatDad19 0 points1 point ago

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I feel ya.

[–]CatDad19 -2 points-1 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]recursive 1 point2 points ago

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I would. Are you a dog?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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If some other species yelled "human" at me in a way I could understand (and not just a dog barking or some such), I would respond. If a giraffe yelled "Hey you!" at me, I would respond.

[–]seva2010 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on