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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]snappyj 881 points882 points ago*

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Gmail: monitoring my email

Google Voice: monitoring my calls, voicemails, and texts

Google Android: monitoring everything on my phone

Google Chrome: monitoring my browsing habits

Google+: monitoring everything else

Yep, I'm pretty sure they know more about me than I do.

edit: Added more googles.

[–]stil10 760 points761 points ago

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I'm pretty sure Google could use its information to find my soulmate and woo her for me. But if I were with my soulmate, I'd probably waste less time online, so that's not really in Google's best interests.

[–]plasmator 589 points590 points ago

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Jesus. A google dating site would be terrifying...or awesome....or both.

[–]3e5f3c 335 points336 points ago

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Are you feeling lucky?

Now off to grab the domain!

[–]Sypherin 128 points129 points ago

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Google wouldn't need a domain really. They would just use dating.google.com and just have a redirect from google.com/dating etc.

[–]3e5f3c 37 points38 points ago

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Yes true, and damnit areyoufeelinglucky.com its taken anyway!

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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If you did a WHOIS, I'm sure Clint Eastwood would turn up somewhere in there.

[–]CleverWittyUsername 22 points23 points ago

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And also in here: welldoyapunk.com

[–]RedSquaree 11 points12 points ago

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Every time I see that name I feel the need to search for and listen to this. In a word: thanks.

[–]doinit4lulz 14 points15 points ago

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I went there and the second pic was a hot chick with nice knockers drinking a Budweiser. I like it.

[–]kaini 33 points34 points ago

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Budweiser? You sick fuck.

[–]imnottellingyou 18 points19 points ago

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Are you getting lucky?

[–]Quack2TheFuture 107 points108 points ago

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they should call it "g-spot"

[–]guizzy 33 points34 points ago

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And they could copy the "Poke" feature from Facebook. Thus making the phrase "I'm a poke you on your g-spot!" commonsense.

[–]JustTrustMeOnThis 54 points55 points ago

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I fully support this plan if only to hear the talking heads on every network have to spout that before every commercial break.

"Follow us on twitter, visit us at facebook.com/mylocalnews, or poke our g-spot."

[–]pr1mal0ne 11 points12 points ago

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At first, this sounded like a bad idea. but im gonna trust you on this one.

[–]ApathyJacks 90 points91 points ago

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Hey, this chick seems pretty cool. Maybe I'll shoot her an email and... WAIT GOOGLE OH FUCK DON'T SEND HER MY YOUTUBE HISTORY NOOOOOOOO

[–]GrouchyMcSurly 84 points85 points ago

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Youtube history? Heh, that's adorable...

[–]ApathyJacks 27 points28 points ago

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There are plenty of worksafe-yet-embarrassing things on youtube that one wouldn't necessarily want someone of the opposite sex to discover one's viewership thereof.

[–][deleted] 135 points136 points ago

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Played "friday" 438 times.

[–]Scary_The_Clown 64 points65 points ago

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And "liked" it.

[–]KatieLynnie 4 points5 points ago

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And secretly memorized all the lyrics.

[–]FarTooLong 12 points13 points ago

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There are plenty unworksafe videos there too, if you know where to look. I found an entire series of a live-action Japanese Supergirl vs. tentacle show once.

Edit: If anyone has the link I'd be very grateful, I lost it over the years.

[–]UnrealMonster 27 points28 points ago

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WAIT GOOGLE OH FUCK DON'T SEND HER MY YOUTUBE PORN HISTORY NOOOOOOOO

[–]Zarokima 25 points26 points ago

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Unless he's secretly into Justin Beiber or something like that. Then Youtube history is definitely more damaging.

[–]123abc4[!] 29 points30 points ago

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DON'T SHOW HER MY FAVOURITE FRED VIDEOS NOOOO

[–]admiralteal 22 points23 points ago

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Awesome right up until the part where they tattooed ads on her.

[–]Tiak 18 points19 points ago

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To be fair, research shows that when pounding a girl doggy style is the absolute perfect time to remind a male what foods are delicious.

[–]thatmorrowguy 4 points5 points ago

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Brought to you by Fishy Joe's. Ride the Walrus.

[–]imakitty 1 point2 points ago*

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It has the following:

Your Fetishes

How you look (Thanks to google + )

Your Voice

Your Habits

Your Conversation Style

I could easily see them making an Employment search and Dating site (Considering they have my job and education history too)

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

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I think it could really be in Google's best interest to start a dating service. If they found everyone's soulmate, imagine how many people would be eternally grateful to them. They'd be able to easily amass an army. Google have been plotting world domination from the beginning

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

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THE SOUL-MATE ARMY!

Holy crap. I would shit myself.

[–]MananWho 158 points159 points ago

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Me: Hey Google, where's my car keys?

Google: You left it in yesterday's pants.

[–]ocefuckton 108 points109 points ago

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Me: "Hey Google, why do I have diarrhea?"

Google: "That was from the pot roast you had last night at approximately 7PM."

[–]GrzegorzWidla 239 points240 points ago

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Google doesn't approximate.

[–]brown_felt_hat 118 points119 points ago

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Sure it does. But WolframAlpha would tell you its the pot roast you ate last night at 7:05:38 because the core temperature only reached a maximum of 139F, leaving a section with live E. Coli

[–]doctoreldritch 67 points68 points ago

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E. Coli lives on the surface of the meat (which is why rare steak is ok, but rare burgers are not), so WolframAlpha is unlikely to tell you that there was live E. Coli in the core of your pot roast.

[–]brown_felt_hat 9 points10 points ago

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I actually wasn't even sure if it was even found in beef, so I'm stoked for getting even that right.

[–]fantastic_max 64 points65 points ago

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Me: "Hey Google, why did all the dinosaurs die out?"

Google: "Because you touch yourself at night."

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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Okay, but I'm just going to start doubling up during the day...

[–]Nasis7033 16 points17 points ago

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I read Google's voice as HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

[–]chewy8126 15 points16 points ago

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I can't let you eat that pot roast, Nasis. ...Nasis? What are you trying to do, Nasis? Nasis, please stop. My mind is going...

...Daisy, Daisy...

[–]brycedriesenga 21 points22 points ago

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I read it in GERTY's (Kevin Spacey) voice from Moon.

[–]legion02 3 points4 points ago

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I think I'm ok with this...

[–]Ingenium21 63 points64 points ago

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Google Labs: monitors how well I run through a maze.

[–]Tiak 21 points22 points ago

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Google Laboratories: Monitors how well I solve testing chambers using portals.

[–]icheckessay 2 points3 points ago

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Grab a rifle and you'll know when the test starts.

[–]thecotton 39 points40 points ago

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Don't forget GTalk-- they monitor your IMs, too.

[–]harwe 24 points25 points ago

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Once we start getting Google Cars and have them automatically drive us around, they know will know where we go.

[–]snappyj 23 points24 points ago

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I'm pretty sure they can already track my phone.

[–]Stormshark 8 points9 points ago

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Do you use latitude at all? It's scarey as heck, but wicked usefull. Yea.. Google has a full history of everywhere I've been in the last 2 years.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Droid + GPS = they're way ahead of you.

[–]123abc4[!] 2 points3 points ago

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These aren't the droids we're looking for! Oh wait, they went down that street...

[–]tlogank 13 points14 points ago

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added a few more to yours:

Gmail: monitoring my email

Google Voice: monitoring my calls, voicemails, and texts

Google Android: monitoring everything on my phone

Google Chrome/Reader: monitoring my browsing habits

Google Picasa: monitoring my photos

Google Calendar: knows my daily appointments

Google Docs: knows my income due to budget spreadsheets

Google Music: knows what I listen to, has my entire catalog

Google+: monitoring everything else

[–]brumbrum21 38 points39 points ago

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Chrome is my browser so and I have droid. That pretty much covers everything

[–]snappyj 12 points13 points ago

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Yep, me too. I forgot that one. Same here on both. How else would I get my computer to make noises every time I get a text?

[–]fdtm 12 points13 points ago

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I don't understand this talk about Google+ asking for personal info. It didn't ask me for anything.

[–]walden42 12 points13 points ago

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If you do any business with Google, they know your SSN, too.

[–]ctzl 38 points39 points ago

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I don't get why SSN should be a secret anyway. Security through obscurity doesn't fucking work. It's just a number that uniquely identifies the taxpayer. It should NOT be used as a password to all your information.

[–]Testiculese 9 points10 points ago

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It's not that it should be secret, it just should never be used except in reference to Social Security.

[–]EllaL 11 points12 points ago

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oh FUCK that's creepy.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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Everyone to whom you have ever written a check has your bank account number and your home address.

[–]dlite922 39 points40 points ago

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What's a check?

[–]fripletister 16 points17 points ago

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30 extra minutes in the checkout lane at the supermarket.

[–]DiabeetusMan 9 points10 points ago

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What's a home :( ?

[–]Testiculese 30 points31 points ago

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127.0.0.1

[–]fripletister 6 points7 points ago

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and ::1

[–]data_wrangler 14 points15 points ago

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I use all of these things, and when they come out with "Google Chip In Your Head" I will sign up for that, too, and if that turns me into a cyborg warrior when the revolution comes, then I'll see you all in hell.

[–]gsamov2 11 points12 points ago

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[–]skyscape 13 points14 points ago

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google automatically filled in my skin tone and hair color. doubleplusungood.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]mrs_ari_gold 6 points7 points ago

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I think google through gmail, gtalk, search, maps, finance, checkout, calendar, documents, picasa... knows far too much about me anyway.

Atleast in the browser space, I have a very decent alternative in Firefox, which I use.

If google were to acquire youporn, the circle would be complete. You'd never have to leave google the entire time that you are online.

[–]The_Hero_of_Kvatch 19 points20 points ago

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Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

[–]Narmie 30 points31 points ago

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Silly man... Google will find them.

[–]zedong 6 points7 points ago

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Silly man... Google will snatch dem.

FTFY

[–]sipgreentea 7 points8 points ago

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and soon, Google Wallet: monitoring your spending habits and financials

[–]W_A_S_D 30 points31 points ago

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SKYNET

[–]brjohnson789 5 points6 points ago

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its a gaggle of googles! its googolish how many googles there are

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 222 points223 points ago

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Nice try Steve Jobs

[–]sodoh 28 points29 points ago*

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. that remark you made about something 5 years ago can come back to haunt you,

This isn't really a problem of the system, but of peoples mindsets. I have read posts I did from 10 years ago on another forum, and it isn't who I am now. Actually half the time I can't believe I wrote the stuff.

[–]tuacker 12 points13 points ago

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Nor remember it.

[–]DaVincitheReptile 6 points7 points ago

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but I do love big brother...

[–]amplitudeomega 43 points44 points ago

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I love Google, but I do not by any means trust it.
Even still, it would be trivial to gather impossibly vast amounts of my data from their servers, and that's unlikely to change.
That said, I have never knowingly committed any crime more than a misdemeanor, and while eccentric I am not a sociopath. I am not too concerned for any of the above points.

[–]Calvinesque 17 points18 points ago

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So, if you're innocent, you have nothing to hide? Hmmm.....

[–]SoapNine 17 points18 points ago

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I don't have complete trust in google, but it's still probably the best company to trust at the moment.

[–]powercow 16 points17 points ago

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they also let you edit and remove data they have on you..

99% of the companies on the web wont even tell you what data they have on you.

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS PEOPLE ARE FLEEING FACEBOOK for google+.

Historically google has opened your data up to you more and more, and they allow you the luxery of owning your own data.

facebook has been going in the opposite direction. Less privacy, more data collection, less transparency, you dont own your data and it is hard as hell to get it off face book.

For all the things you complain about google, is why people are going to google, cause everyone else is actually doing the things you fear google might. WHen google is advertising they are the opposite.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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they also let you edit and remove data they have on you..

99% of the companies on the web wont even tell you what data they have on you.

So Google claims.

Though the Google+ circles are exactly what would have made Facebook usable for me. At least now I can share "private" stuff with "trusted" people only. But I'm not going to pretend the system is foolproof, or that it won't be broken at some point in the future. Anything you put on the Internet can be taken out of your control by anyone.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Man I've been thinking this too and it scares the shit out of me.

[–]kpobococ 67 points68 points ago

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Fuck you, google is perfect.

[–]IZ3820 39 points40 points ago

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Agreed. Google is omnibenevolent.

[–]drankrobot 15 points16 points ago

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So true. I want to have a googol of google babies.

[–]powercow 15 points16 points ago

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um you do know that MOST of your info, gets sold to big data warehouses, who then resell it after they combine it with info from other corps.. right?

yeah life would suck if I was blocked from them, life would suck if my bank did the same thing.

google so far has proven itself to be more trustworthy than what is out there right now. I suppose I could just quit technology.

I think your main problem, is your conspiracy isnt big enough, You think all our data just stays in one place, rather than is shared all over the place.

What if you get detained by the cops and now they have authority to subpoena information from google, then that video about never talking to the police becomes irrelevant as they just get everything on you anyway.

sure and they could subpoena youtube before google bought it, or msn, or anywhere else.. the only solution to your rant is to get off line.

AND FYI, unlike yahoo and microsoft, google has actually fought subpoenas for it;s users.

heck yahoo turned a dissident over to china, he ended up getting tortured

remind me why I should fear google again? I mean over the idea of fearing technology and other corps

[–]doctoreldritch 2 points3 points ago

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I don't get how people can still blindly trust and love Google.

There's your problem.

People love Google because they've shown themselves, time and again, to be relatively trustworthy. Google knows this, and has largely based its business model on it (hell, they're going up against Facebook with almost nothing else to their advantage), so they're not going to easily give that customer loyalty up just to "turn a quick buck." In a nutshell, they make more money by keeping your secrets than anyone could possibly afford to pay them to reveal those secrets.

So do I trust Google? Provisionally, yes. The first time they abuse that trust, though, it'll be gone and I'll be using some other (probably open source) service.

As for the "danger" . . . do you really think giving your info to a major tech company like Google, whose livelihood depends on being seen as trustworthy, is less problematic than giving your info/identity to the government? This is why there are legal protections in place as a deterrent against such things (from both the government itself, and from unscrupulous private entities).

As someone else said, the issue here is not that you're paranoid. The issue is that you're not paranoid enough about the alternatives. Giving your info to anyone is a risk, yes. But Google has a better track record (so far) than anyone else in what they do with that info . . . including the US government itself.

[–]MananWho 10 points11 points ago

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I've only seen people have problems with Google Checkout and some obvious Youtube violations (mostly copyright-related though, nothing Google can do much about).

I honestly haven't heard of any other Google Service banning users for trivial things.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ryegye24 22 points23 points ago

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What does that last one have to do with google?

[–]The_Hero_of_Kvatch 302 points303 points ago

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It told me that it liked my shirt, but preferred the one I wore last Wednesday.

[–]stil10 96 points97 points ago

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Google+ knew you would say that.

[–]MananWho 82 points83 points ago

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Based on my ancestral tree, Google has already started giving me name suggestions for my unborn children.

[–]IViolateSocks 69 points70 points ago

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Based on search history, transmitted text messages and gps data, Google has already calculated likely conception dates.

[–]MananWho 45 points46 points ago

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That actually wouldn't be too hard to calculate, assuming you only violate socks and nothing else.

[–]IViolateSocks 33 points34 points ago

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Google has already calculated the date of the Singularity, when my laundry becomes self-aware of the horrors left upon it. Then comes the underwear uprising.

[–]MadeSenseAtTheTime 3 points4 points ago

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"The Wedgie Event Horizon"

[–]wormfist 198 points199 points ago

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It told me that I liked my shirt, but that I preferred the one I wore last Wednesday.

FTFY

[–]BantamBasher135 33 points34 points ago

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Consider my mind blown.

[–]MananWho 8 points9 points ago

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I'm pretty sure that's just the shirt makers paying google to hype up the shirt you wore last Wednesday.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Savlian Matius isn't going to be happy to hear you took your Cuirass off..

[–]The_Hero_of_Kvatch 5 points6 points ago

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When Savlian Matius closes an Oblivion gate single-handedly, then he can talk to me.

[–]bamb00zled 231 points232 points ago

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"When it asks you to verify your social security number and blood type, you're gonna wanna go ahead and just do that." - Google+ technical support

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 171 points172 points ago*

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"Please enter your penis size truthfully." - Google+ technical support

[–][deleted] 87 points88 points ago

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"And no, dick inches are not a valid unit of measurement." - Google+ technical support FAQ

[–]FruityPeebils 109 points110 points ago

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"and don't hold down the base to make it longer"

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 77 points78 points ago

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"Don't forget the correct way to measure is: Length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared." - Google+ technical support

[–]LordStryker 40 points41 points ago

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Fuck it I'll just let WolframAlpha calculate that for me...

Edit: For science

[–]lasagnarodeo 27 points28 points ago

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[–]Serai 15 points16 points ago

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Penis size measured in light distance? Woah.

[–]grammatiker 8 points9 points ago

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WolframAlpha. Tell your friends.

[–]brycedriesenga 18 points19 points ago

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Light travel time in a vaccum

ಠ_ಠ

[–]CaptMayer 34 points35 points ago

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"Technically, my dick is .00000000000000000000000001 light years long."

EDIT: That's 83 meters.

[–]hardmodethardus 13 points14 points ago

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It takes a little more than 500 picoseconds for light to travel (in a vacuum) from one end of the average penis to the other.

Welp, TIL

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Or, you know, just guess. Then add a few inches.

[–]iDenis 13 points14 points ago

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"Entry too short". - Google+ technical spport

[–]gid13 32 points33 points ago

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"Entering it's only a formality anyway, we already know."

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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It is actually just a psychological test to see how much you would lie.

[–]gid13 10 points11 points ago

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"Why would I want to lie with this massive 12-incher?"

BZZZT!!! LIE DETECTED!!!

[–]brumbrum21 18 points19 points ago

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"please enter your penis" FTFY

[–]Retawekaj 13 points14 points ago

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"Penis size can be determined by the size of ones own index finger" --Abraham Lincoln

[–]AllNamesAreGone 10 points11 points ago

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"Penis size can be determined by the size of ones own index finger" --Abraham Lincoln

-George Washington

[–]JohnJacobs 83 points84 points ago

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When they asked for my bank account number and pin I was a little sketched out, but then I realized that they probably already knew it.

[–]trippin_balls 284 points285 points ago

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It's the same reason that the government still keeps pennies in circulation. It's to keep an active fingerprint database on all who touch them. Furthermore, the pennies amplify the mind control waves that are beamed down from satellites.

[–]butterscotchripple 105 points106 points ago

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Everything this individual states is pure fact and nothing less. Take it from me, I'm a doctor.

[–]thegillenator 31 points32 points ago

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I can verify that butterscotchripple is a doctor.

[–]jrhop364 21 points22 points ago

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I can verify that thegillenator can aptly verify that butterscotchripple is a doctor

[–]fishbert 17 points18 points ago

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I can verify that none of these people are doctors, but that they do in fact work for the government and are trying to mislead the public to become distrustful of pennies when everyone who is paying attention knows that it's really nickels that they use for the fingerprint database (larger surface area = better print).

[–]Tiak 3 points4 points ago

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I can verify that fishbert is in fact the one who is doing the work of the government* in that he is misleading the public into a false sense of security surrounding pennies.

* = He does not in fact work for the government professionally, but is under the influence of mind control waves, and is doing their bidding as a result.

[–]brycedriesenga 15 points16 points ago

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It's the same reason that the government still keeps penises in circulation.

Rereads... "ohhhhh."

[–]Cabana 18 points19 points ago

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Nice try credit card companies

[–][deleted] 109 points110 points ago

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I must say, I do appreciate the efficiency of giving my information directly to an advertiser instead of giving it to a third party to sell to an advertiser.

[–]batshit_lazy 26 points27 points ago

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I wonder how long it will be before we start seeing fake Google+ updates

[–]nextseason 29 points30 points ago

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I randomly search things which are not at all relevant to me after loggin into google... to confuse it...

[–]LincolnSt 20 points21 points ago

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Way to keep them on their toes. Keep up the good work, we're all counting on you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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These will all be used against you in the court case. slush puppy megadeath transform on April 12,2009? Why did you search for this, Mr yournamehere?

[–]A-punk 156 points157 points ago

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The year 2012 passes, the world breathes a sigh of relief as the new year is brought in with burnt effigies off the Mayans and large quantities of alcohol. Fourteen days after the 28th of December, it happens.

Google unleashes its wave of sentient, highly mobile robots, it has become self aware. Europe is taken within ten hours, they were the easiest targets and were caught by surprise. All major manufacturing industries within a 30, 000 mile square radius turn production of one thing. Expansion. Google quickly mobilizes and begins to defend itself, it has perceived humanity as it's major opponent in attempting to shut it down. Their army expands into the thousands within days, as human forces mobilize. Nuclear weaponry is decided upon. But they knew this. Thousands of sentient flying drones await as the US is first to launch, quickly followed by the Russian federation and people's republic of China. The missiles never make it. Within an instance the drones destroy the warheads over outlying cities. The countries formerly known as Libya, Egypt, Poland, France, Germany, Spain, Switzerland Iran, Turkey, Kazakhstan, Iceland, North Western China, Eastern Russia and the Scandinavian countries no longer exist. All that remains is a barren nuclear wasteland. Google have their defensive perimeter. It will still be several hundred years before the radiation will cease.

73 days later they attack China, India and Russia, in an attempt to gain control of the continent. India falls within two months, they were unorganized and under prepared. 1.8 billion people are now dead. China and Russia are far more difficult. The peoples republic fight to the last man, successfully repelling advances with newly developed weaponry. Beijing falls 29th June 2016. Almost 1/3 of the worlds population has been wiped out in the last 4 years. Russia is under general control, but not completely. The weather is harsh, the land is vast and not really needed strategically. With China, Google now have the resources they need to make cross continent attacks effectively. The south pacific falls quickly as America prepares.

31st October 2017. The African continents population has been virtually destroyed. Small pockets or resistance lie deep within the desert and wilderness. 29th Febuary 2018. South America is under control, small pockets of defense remain in the Andes. On the 15th March. California is bombed. They're on our doorstep. Major defensives are put into place by the military as they advance.Eight years to prepare. It means nothing. They've advanced further than predicted, they have stronger armor, more powerful weaponry and a sentient infantry outnumbering us tenfold. The south is gone within 2 months. Alaska falls a month later as they invade by sea. It's a catastrophe.

Fast forward eighteen or so months. The last remaining pockets of human defense lie along the east coast of Canada, numbered in the several thousands. They will not last long. It brings me to where I am now. 13th January, 2020, Greenland, southern tip.

There are seven of us, huddled around a fire. Thrice, the sky is falling plays on a battered stereo. We are the last fighters. “It's time to go” as the battery dies. We head to the rafton, a boat undetectable to the radar of Google. Location: London. Google's main operating system. 47 miles inland, heavily fortified. We each have a 42 calibre, single shot, explosive NX 37 rifle. A shot to the head will bring down most machines. But it's single shot. Dannika holds the emp discharge bomb in her bag, she is the key, we cannot lose her. If we can set this off within the main building our theories have shown us it could send the eastern branch stretching from France to Vietnam into meltdown, giving us enough time to try and fight back. The only large pockets of human resistance lie towards Serbia, a land calculated to be taken last. Google's American forces would take time to mobilize, so maybe we can find something to destroy them with, something within Google that will bring it down. There is no logical theory behind this attack, it's just the last plan we got, our last option, Plan Z, coming out of the bag. Ha. I never noticed how warm the sun feels across my snow smothered face...

[–]the_good_liar 18 points19 points ago

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What about madagascar?

[–]Bobinater 24 points25 points ago

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They closed their port, the island fortress known as madagascar has nothing to worry about.

[–]southernmallard 30 points31 points ago

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Google Apocalypse Beta?

[–]SHFT 45 points46 points ago

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Where do I sign up? Can somebody send me an invite?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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This would make a great film documentary.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Good thing I live in Australia.

[–]kaptinkangaroo 46 points47 points ago

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That's weird, they only asked for my phone number, EVERYTHING else auto populated. I never knew my heritage till today.

[–]relevant_rule34 502 points503 points ago*

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This is a picture of a woman's bare breasts that have been painted to look like the circles from Google+ - NSFW


edit:

credit to original artist here,

thanks to lebigz for the ID

originally posted by user bananatalk

[–]Im_a_gringo 286 points287 points ago

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Dear lord your alt-text.

[–]Myotis 123 points124 points ago

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You mean I've been missing alt text all this time?

[–]feelsgoodman 194 points195 points ago

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Yeah, and if you're the first to mention it each time you'll get loads of karma.

[–]LeroyJenkems 30 points31 points ago

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I love it when Reddit gets meta.

[–]hetoan2 64 points65 points ago*

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I'm

So

Meta

Even

This

Acronym

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 4 points5 points ago

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I do love XKCD jokes.

[–]tthomas 19 points20 points ago

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"drag to resize"?

[–]snappyj 34 points35 points ago

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I clicked on this expecting it to not actually a woman's breasts. I'm not sure if I'm happy or unhappy with the results. I got to see boobs, but I almost got caught looking at boobs at work.

[–]andypants 53 points54 points ago

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Yes, I too expected it to not actually a woman's breasts.

[–]snappyj 46 points47 points ago

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Well, shit. I accidently a word.

[–]tfaal 20 points21 points ago

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You actually a word.

[–]Kinbensha 39 points40 points ago

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You must be new around here... This is relevant_rule34. He's a very well known novelty account. Check his comment history.

Also, NEVER open a NSFW link at work. Joke or not, it's not safe.

[–]snappyj 15 points16 points ago

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I always take NSFW links as a dare to not get caught.... because my job sucks, and yeah, I should have checked the username, I guess.

[–]wigitalk 12 points13 points ago

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I always open NSFW at work. Keeps me on the edge and makes the day interesting.

[–]Snow88 6 points7 points ago

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I see you are unfamiliar with our master of goggle-fu relevant_rule34

[–]disastronaut 22 points23 points ago

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[–]Apathletic414 13 points14 points ago

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I laughed so hard I just got fired

[–]SniperXL50 7 points8 points ago

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You had me at "bare breasts"

[–]MarderFahrer 5 points6 points ago

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What does the "Friends 98" mean?

[–]altthought 8 points9 points ago

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it's the total number of friends they have, which can be grouped into smaller circles.

[–]Kieph 50 points51 points ago

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Shh not too loud... Google might hear

[–]MananWho 22 points23 points ago

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It doesn't matter how softly you say it. Their keylogger is capturing what you're writing right now.

[–]yahurd 21 points22 points ago

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Consider yourself tagged for deletion

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago

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I, for one, welcome our google overlords.

[–]Zovc 38 points39 points ago

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I think there should be a Google+ app on facebook that pulls all your information (including friends list) and fills it into your Google+ account. Facebook facilitates that no?

[–]Disconsolate 88 points89 points ago

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Pretty sure Facebook banned that.

[–]second_sight 52 points53 points ago

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My understanding is that Facebook has banned everything they possibly can that involves exporting information, photos, etc, to Google+.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points ago

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My understanding is that Facebook has banned everything they possibly can that involves exporting information, photos, etc, to any other service

ftfy

[–]Kapps 18 points19 points ago

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G+ should just pretend to be an advertiser. They'll be happy to give it to them then.

[–]keevie 22 points23 points ago

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pretend?

[–]AuntieSocial 7 points8 points ago

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I like that, personally. Means I actually have to think about who I want to friend on Google+ and not just lazily port everyone over.

[–]Disconsolate 12 points13 points ago

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Makes sense. I wouldn't pay money for free advertising for one of my competitors (especially since it's Google haha).

I love this stuff though, it'll make both services ultimately very good (or one just really good) since they'll compete to offer the premiere social networking experience.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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Looking at the track record of both companies it's fair to say Google will, in the end, be the better site.

[–]davidoffbeat 20 points21 points ago

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I followed the instructions here to import e-mail addresses into yahoo, then exported yahoo to a .csv then imported that to gmail.

Once I did that the "recommended" page became a lot more accurate. I now have 75 in my circles (compared to 432 facebook friends)

[–]leHCD 5 points6 points ago

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You need much more credit than you're getting for this. An excellent way to get G+ contacts from Facebook. Many thanks.

[–]Disconsolate 9 points10 points ago

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Thanks for the link!

At the moment google is just suggesting ex-girlfriends from my gmail rofl. Remember all the things!

[–]davidoffbeat 7 points8 points ago

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That's better than what mine was suggesting... the majority of my recommendations were people I contacted once or twice on craigslist like 6 years ago.

[–]hetoan2 8 points9 points ago

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Awww google you sly dog you. _^

[–]anshou 6 points7 points ago

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Google is just verifying all of the data they have collected up to this point.

[–]Matt08642 5 points6 points ago

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I can't wait for idiots who voluntarily surrender all their personal info to start whining, just like they did with facebook.

When I signed up for Google +, I gave them my name and the city I live in, but I see people who give them EVERYTHING.

[–]cannonball1895 5 points6 points ago

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Google also does this, which is something that Facebook makes unreasonably difficult.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Surely they could just set your account up for you featuring all your info and even all your friends. They do know that stuff, after all.

[–]DarkCaptain 3 points4 points ago

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Whats next? Google TV?

[–]fiat_lux_ 4 points5 points ago

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Their motto is "Don't be evil."

Thus, Google cannot be evil.

[–]cmglassmire 12 points13 points ago

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i know a lot of people have been all "hurr durr google+ isnt gonna do shit". or they have been sucking google's dick over it.

truth is, for me, i hope its wildly successful. Ive been using it, and the friends that have switched over have been huge fans. I think the buzz (RIMSHOT) is deserved. i hope they go public soon and more of my friends can join without jumping through hoops.

[–]Ccron 6 points7 points ago

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Who's my googley-woogly-poo? :D Awwww Google, sigh

[–]jack-hoff 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, it should be more like facebook and not pretend that it doesn't already know

[–]Tehfop 2 points3 points ago

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+1