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all 76 comments

[–][deleted] 92 points93 points ago

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Cats, being obligate carnivores, naturally feed on nothing but other animals. Animals that they murder. Their fur, like the rest of their body, is grown from nutrients derived from wanton slaughter.

[–]Lampmonster1[!] 61 points62 points ago

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No way man, we like, taught this lion to eat tofu.

[–]NLDcerex[S] 31 points32 points ago

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[–]ringmaster_j 10 points11 points ago

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You can't own property, man!

[–]the_onanist 14 points15 points ago

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I can, because I'm not a penniless hippie.

[–]blacksteyraug 4 points5 points ago

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Top news tonight: Lions officially on the endangered list

[–]NBAallstar 10 points11 points ago

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I've seen some things, maan.

[–]cynognathus 5 points6 points ago

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And some stuff. I wouldn't recommend it.

[–]bgrape 3 points4 points ago

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They're into ALIENS man.

[–]zoidbergonacross 2 points3 points ago

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Delicious wonton slaughter

[–]lisabadcat -1 points0 points ago

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Hooray!

[–]DoWhile 23 points24 points ago

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[–]Chroncraft 9 points10 points ago

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That is one proud-ass cat

[–]alpharaptor1 9 points10 points ago

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That is one proud ass-cat.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]suspiciously_calm 1 point2 points ago

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That is one proud ass scat.

[–]newredditsucks 1 point2 points ago

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That, is, one, proud, ass, cat.
(/shatnercommas)

[–]UDNTNOME 0 points1 point ago

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that is a one pound ass cat

[–]mflux 4 points5 points ago

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That is one noble looking, not-a-fuck giving cat.

[–]Scottrick 25 points26 points ago

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That cat's not an asshole because of the fur. He's an asshole because he probably just finished peeing on your furniture and pooping in your bathtub.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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You're confusing cats with dogs. With cats, it's usually the puke that ends up all over, but that isn't the reason they're assholes.

Cats are assholes because they fucking enslave you and are neither gentle nor appreciative masters. They basically have the same behavior as the super rich.

[–]doatdays 8 points9 points ago

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No no, I lived with a crazy cat lady. Cats pee on your furniture, poop right outside of the litter box and vomit everywhere. They leave half dead mice for you to step on, claw up all the woodwork, and rip open your couches so they can hang out in them. They walk exactly one step ahead of you on the stairs to try and trip you, they wake you up by pawwing at your bedroom door and meow nonstop for food they don't even want. That is just a few reasons why they are assholes.

[–]JPong 6 points7 points ago

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Just so you know, the mice thing is your cat telling you that you are too weak to feed yourself.

[–]CitizenCopacetic 6 points7 points ago

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I think that was just a bad cat.

I got mine from the shelter and he is awesome. He has never missed the litterbox (including the rare occasion when he has to travel to a new place), he has never killed anything bigger than a bug, and has only thrown up once in the 2 years I've had him.

My sister's dogs, however, are shitbags. When the come to visit, they think it's cool to run downstairs and eat catshitsicles from the box, and lift their leg onto shelves full of valuable antique books.

[–]doatdays 2 points3 points ago

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You mean bad 13 cats. I like cats, I just think they should be outdoor animals. Or if they are indoors the cats shouldn't outnumber the people more then 2:1.

[–]yellekc 4 points5 points ago

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It really has nothing to do with cats and more to do with that lady. I don't think having that many of any animal free roaming a house would be that sanitary. I doubt she was able to train them properly.

[–]doatdays 4 points5 points ago

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You are correct. But it really does have to do with amount of cats vs people. These cats who had grown up seeing only one person in their life did become slightly socially better as they got use to living with two humans and were also socialized with my friends. Also I was able to convince the crazy cat lady (my sister) that cat hoarding wasn't healthy, and she is now down to two cats. Those two cats are better cats now that it is just the two of them, yet my sister's behavior really hasn't changed. I really do miss those two cats and enjoy visiting. Lucky for me my sister calls me and has me talk to them on the phone.

And it was not sanitary. It was NOT NOT NOT NOT sanitary. I still have nightmares.

[–]CitizenCopacetic 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah that makes sense. Even though my cat is the shit, I wouldn't want 13 of him running around my house.

[–]juicedoobie 0 points1 point ago

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I have to agree. I grew up with 5 cats, all of them were really cool and very well behaved. One of them was a mad hunter though, she would bring birds in, which sucked. Usually they would still be alive and I'd have time to save them. Aside from that, cats are cool. Give em a chance, but raise it yourself.

[–]libraotron 1 point2 points ago

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I am a crazy cat lady and I concur. They are the fruit of the devil. But I must have moar!

[–]the_onanist 1 point2 points ago

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They do all that shit because they are owned by a crazy lady who can't take care of them properly. The cat is in an environment where he isn't able to take care of himself. He needs you to take care of his needs.

Give them the right food, attention, and keep the litter box clean. If you do all that, they won't have any bad behaviors. They'll sit in your lap and cuddle with you, that's about it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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exactly, just like rich people

[–]doatdays 0 points1 point ago

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Yup, without the money to back it up.

[–]BadKitty420 -1 points0 points ago

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Not all cats are assholes.

[–]doatdays 4 points5 points ago

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I don't believe you, stoned bad kitty.

[–]SirMinisterIVEsq 5 points6 points ago

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Cat: "you're so fucking funny for putting this on me....cunt"

[–]libraotron -3 points-2 points ago

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Upboat for the C word.

[–]BlazmoIntoWowee 0 points1 point ago

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I'll leave when I'm good and ready, Michael.

[–]redawn 1 point2 points ago

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somehow that is the cutest thing and makes me lol.

[–]MacaulayMcCulkin 1 point2 points ago

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Furdur.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Too bad the term 'murder' only pertains to humans killing each other.

And groups of ravens yadda yadda...

[–]FuckThatsMetal 1 point2 points ago

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A group of crows is a murder because they congregate around corpses. A synonym for murder is "homicide". A "buffet" is a large amount of food enjoyed by many... So a murdered man is a Homicide Buffet.

[–]Jellyfishkisses 1 point2 points ago

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Your kitty looks JUST like my kitten that was stolen away from me a year ago..:*( http://i.imgur.com/ox9E9.jpg

[–]AimlessArrow 5 points6 points ago

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[–]arzthaus 0 points1 point ago

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what sort of black magic is that?! EDIT: I just spent the last minute trying to click all the nyan-cats.

[–]AimlessArrow 0 points1 point ago

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Hint: Look at the URL.

[–]TheClerksWell 1 point2 points ago

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This is a repost.

[–]FightingAmish 1 point2 points ago

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Cats are assholes by nature, irregardless of their fashion sense.

[–]Obligator 11 points12 points ago

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irregardless

ಠ_ಠ

[–]fapstradamus 0 points1 point ago

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You Amish have a great fashion sense, irregardless of your nature.

[–]baconatedwaffle 2 points3 points ago

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Cats are assholes, come to think of it.

[–]imakitty 4 points5 points ago

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:3

[–]motophiliac 2 points3 points ago

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mew

[–]jeanleo 2 points3 points ago

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Cats are pussies

[–]NBAallstar 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of this speech.

[–]DrNitr0s 0 points1 point ago

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Repost more!

[–]Atheist101 0 points1 point ago

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this actually made my giggle hysterically

[–]motorwerks 0 points1 point ago

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You have my cat's long lost brother. At least, it looks that way. I went to go get him a few days after I got mine, but he was gone...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Hipster Cat.

"Technically, I'm wearing fur before it's murder."

[–]pepperink 0 points1 point ago

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It's worse than murder, this cat is wearing the innocent skin of a LIVE cat.

[–]allofit 0 points1 point ago

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What a purrfect piece of comedy...

oh'dear.

[–]PhantomGenocide 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck PETA.

[–]LolaSays 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, that's why my cat is an indoor cat now. I got tired of having to wash him everyday because fucking PETA wouldn't stop spraying paint on his suit.

[–]misnamed -1 points0 points ago

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NIFY ≅≅≅[+]ôτô

[–]mightystu 0 points1 point ago

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WHY IS IT GOING BACKWARDS?

[–]RussianAccent -1 points0 points ago

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Just look at that pompous son of a bitch.

[–]astogs23 -1 points0 points ago

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Cat pictures on the internet piss me off

[–]Trashcanman33 -4 points-3 points ago

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Fuck everyone that post a cat on Reddit, more fing cats on here than the Humane society website!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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hipster cat.

[–]rubynibur -1 points0 points ago

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Hilarious.

[–]spooky_noodle_girl -1 points0 points ago

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And not a single fuck was given that day...

[–]Tulki -1 points0 points ago

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Better get this outta the way.

-20 FOR AMINAL ABUSE OMG!!!!!11!!!!

[–]bulletv1 -1 points0 points ago

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My dog's fur is multi colored. I hate to think of how many animals it murder to achieve that.

[–]Draegur -1 points0 points ago

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yes, just think of all the delicious fish and chickens that died to become part of its processed food which it used to molecularly manufacture the fur growing out of its skin. OH THE HORROR! :p

[–]dydxexisex -1 points0 points ago

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Should we downvote this off the frontpage sense it is No pics day?

[–]jigby61 -5 points-4 points ago

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Then why did get a pet in the first place