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all 133 comments

[–]crawsome 169 points170 points ago

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Steve Jobs?

I knew it all along.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ImHereToReddit 47 points48 points ago

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iWalrus.

[–]Lavernius_Tucker 16 points17 points ago

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iAmTheWalrus

[–]elasticCollision 13 points14 points ago

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Shut the fuck up, Donny!

[–]cr101 1 point2 points ago

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You're out of your element! The world does not start and stop at your convenience!

[–]MyrddinEmrys 0 points1 point ago

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Wrong Apple...

[–]mynoduesp 49 points50 points ago

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iEggman

[–]BadKitty420 2 points3 points ago

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iPaul

[–]Itsthewrongway 3 points4 points ago

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[–]giveuptheghost 4 points5 points ago

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Must be. I don't see flash playing.

[–]puremessage 0 points1 point ago

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or David Tennant with a bear.

beard. I meant beard.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Well, such a revolutionary idea HAD to come from Steve Jobs and no one else.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]illvm 0 points1 point ago

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Should've seen the username...

[–]ChadT84 0 points1 point ago

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Luckily I'm at home. I'll have to watch out for you.

[–]Cairbear -2 points-1 points ago

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Can't say you didn't warn us.

[–]gt_9000 88 points89 points ago

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Walruses fight and get stabbed with other walrus' teeth all the time. That's why they have such fat layers of blubber. So this wont kill the walrus.

/melvin

[–]gesucazzo 28 points29 points ago

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Curse your sciences!

[–]Dangger 12 points13 points ago

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So what was first the blubber or the teeth?

[–]gt_9000 10 points11 points ago

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The blubber I think, which would help them handle the cold environment. Then, the teeth can evolve since they are are now non fatal and hence wont cause extinction of the species.

/melvin :P

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Don't make us repeat it! Curse your sciences!

[–]MananWho 0 points1 point ago

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The blubber is still a useful survival trait without the teeth. The teeth is not a useful survival trait without the blubber.

So the blubber came first, most likely.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Without a gun I sure as hell don't want to fight one of the beasts.

[–]atomiic 73 points74 points ago

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That's how the saber-toothed cat became extinct fyi.

[–]CthulhusPetals 40 points41 points ago

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Confucius say: Those with giant fangs should not lick their own genitals.

[–]vivomancer 10 points11 points ago

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Life finds a way

[–]Damogran6 0 points1 point ago

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Goo goo ga choob.

[–]OmegaVesko 9 points10 points ago

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-Abraham Lincoln

[–]golfjunkie 9 points10 points ago

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  • Michael Scott

[–]MetalKev 0 points1 point ago

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God bless America.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Assumed they just became so badass they left to find a new, more hardcore planet.

[–]Devils_Advocado 4 points5 points ago

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Nah they were trying to lick themselves.

[–]Andyklah 0 points1 point ago

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I love how you didn't call it a saber-toothered tiger.

[–]JustHere4TheDownVote -2 points-1 points ago

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No.. They died out because of how big they were and how small their prey were, combined with being hunted.

[–]MetasequoiaLeaf 2 points3 points ago

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No, they died out due to an inability to distinguish between jokes and legitimate attempts at explaining natural phenomena.

[–]skameeto 1 point2 points ago

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No, they died supporting the rebels on their attack of the Death Star, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

[–]beardyjim 14 points15 points ago

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Goo-goo g'joob, bitch.

[–]imdwalrus 3 points4 points ago

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;_;

[–]hain 0 points1 point ago

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Best read in the voice of Jesse Pinkman.

[–]Blandis 10 points11 points ago

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Test this on Mythbusters; Jamie puts his life on the line.

[–]u83rmensch 26 points27 points ago

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thats not very nice :( poor mr.walrus

[–]the_hobgoblins 7 points8 points ago

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yeah, who is that guy? let's get him!

[–]pokeylope 8 points9 points ago

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Next I'd like to see "How to kill a Rhinoceros". Not as easy!

[–]Devils_Advocado 8 points9 points ago

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"Hey you have a hemorrhoid."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Come at me bro.

[–]yapsalot00 2 points3 points ago

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He'd use a gun. Ta-dah!

[–]rab777hp 7 points8 points ago

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This kills the walrus.

[–]fuzzyjedi 5 points6 points ago

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the guy in the picture is like a mixture of a young George Lucas and a young Steve Jobs

[–]NotTheWalrus 10 points11 points ago

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Now this I can get behind!

[–]MonsterAddict 4 points5 points ago

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I was going to make an anal joke...then I saw your username.

[–]imdwalrus 2 points3 points ago

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I can't. ;_;

[–]NBAallstar 0 points1 point ago

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I believe beardyjim has something he'd like to say to you.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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oh so thats the sound it makes when a walrus stabs its self with its tusks.

[–]petedawes 9 points10 points ago

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Thanks Steve Jobs?

[–]ILikeBigBiblesAndIC- 7 points8 points ago

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Why is this so depressing...

[–]mooprankster 8 points9 points ago

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This reminds me of Maelstrom by Peter Watts:

Lubin stopped a couple of meters from the animal, holding a length of driftwood as thick as his forearm, carefully splintered to a point at one end. The stink was appalling. Maggots squirmed in every sore.

Lubin laid the point of his weapon on the back of the animal's neck.

"Hi," he said softly, and jammed it home.

Amazingly, it still had strength to fight. It reared up, roaring, caught Lubin in the chest with the side of its head, knocked him effortlessly into the air. Black skin, stretched across the twisted ruin of the lower jaw, split on impact. Pus sprayed from the breach. The bull's roar slid across the scale from defiance to agony.

Lubin hit the shore rolling, came up safely outside the sealion's attack radius. The animal had hooked its upper jaw around the shaft embedded in its neck, and was trying to dislodge it. Lubin circled, came up from behind. The bull saw him coming, wheeled clumsily like a battered tank. Lubin feinted; the bull charged weakly to the left. Lubin spun back, jumped, grabbed: the wood sent splinters into his palms as he jammed it down with all of his weight.

The bull rolled screaming onto its back, pinning one of Lubin's legs under a body that—even at half its normal weight—could still crush a man. A monstrous face, full of pain and infection, lunged at him like a battering ram.

He struck at the base of the jaw, felt bone tearing through flesh. Some deep pocket of corruption burst in his face like a stinking geyser.

The battering ram was gone. The weight shifted from his leg. Thalidomide limbs flailed at the gravel by Lubin's face.

The next time he got the spear he hung on to it, pulled from side to side, felt the deep scrape of wood over bone. The bull heaved and bucked beneath him; in a confusion of agony from so many sources, it didn't seem to know where its tormentor was. Suddenly the point slid into a groove between cervical vertebrae. Once more, with all the strength left to him, Lubin pushed.

Just like that, the heaving mass beneath him went limp.

It wasn't completely dead. Its eye still followed him, dull and resigned as he circled the animal's head. He'd merely paralyzed it from the neck down, deprived it of breath and motion. A diving mammal. Adapted over how many millions of years to survive extended periods without breathing? How long would it take that eye to stop moving?

He had an answer. Sealions were just like other mammals in any number of ways. They had that opening at the base of the skull, that place where the spinal cord climbed up into the brain. The foramen magnum, it was called; such anatomical tidbits were always coming in handy to people in Lubin's line of work.

He pulled his weapon free of the flesh and repositioned it near the back of the skull.

The eye stopped moving about three seconds later.

[–]gojirra 1 point2 points ago

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What is going on in that scene? Is he fighting an undead sealion?

[–]mooprankster 1 point2 points ago

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Umm, he's injured on an island. While there, a sea lion washes up on shore from an apparent battle with another sea lion.

Lubin (the character) recovers. The sea lion does not, so he puts it out of its misery. The book has something of a "innate survival-mechanism" theme going, so despite the pain, the sea lion does not want to die.

So to answer your question, rotting/infected-wounds sea lion.

[–]trevanian 0 points1 point ago

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Wow.

[–]Airmaverick11 2 points3 points ago

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Flawless victory.

[–]bookbikebabe2 4 points5 points ago

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That's horrible.

[–]StochasticOoze 0 points1 point ago

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Horribly amusing!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I don't like it... It's too sad ._.

[–]Mintz08 1 point2 points ago

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Fool me once... is enough.

[–]NeoSniper 1 point2 points ago

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The "szock!" is a sure tell this wasn't in English originally. So now I'm curious, what's the original language?

[–]sedaak 1 point2 points ago

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Croatian

[–]FruityBlergs 1 point2 points ago

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Closely related to how you can get a narwhal to kill everyone around it. "Hey is that Selena Gomez over there?" "OMG WHERE!?!?"

[–]Smarag 2 points3 points ago

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Aww my post of this is one hour older. Reddit - can't explain that.

I believe funnyjunk is the source of this translation (No, I'm not out of my mind.). I couldn't find the original Croatian comic though.

[–]NBAallstar 2 points3 points ago

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Submit it to the wrong subreddit, methinks.

[–]rage_quit20 1 point2 points ago

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This is the source!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I do apologise for that... no it wasn't funnyjunk. I found it whilst browsing the web

[–]moikey 0 points1 point ago

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SixMoreVodka?

[–]kattevoer 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Smarag -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, but I mean that the translation was first posted on funnyjunk before it started traveling the web. The poster there claims:

I did not make this so I don't take credit for it, Just found it and translated from croatian to english. Found it funny and decided to share !

[–]walrusvonzeppelin 1 point2 points ago

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I do not like this comic.

[–]RambiTheRhino 0 points1 point ago

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Well, this is why we don't send Walrus to school anymore. Problem solved.

[–]gesucazzo 0 points1 point ago

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This is also the only way to kill a Wilford Brimley.

[–]imanuuU 0 points1 point ago

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clever my friend ,very clever -___-''

[–]duxup 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think that will work.

[–]BobdaWalrus 0 points1 point ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]thatcrazywalrus 0 points1 point ago

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not cool...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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for a second i actually thought it would work

[–]Racerturken 0 points1 point ago

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Can someone please draw a mythbusters version of this.

[–]SirStonedAlot 0 points1 point ago

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i feel sorry for that Walrus.

[–]mihaidxn 0 points1 point ago

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better yet: How to make a walrus kill itself

[–]walrusryan 0 points1 point ago

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I can confirm this.

[–]LurkerBR 0 points1 point ago

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That strategy would make for some very short Woddy the Woodpecker shows...

[–]PoopityLoops 0 points1 point ago

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his name's Pokey

[–]donna_hayward 0 points1 point ago

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why would you kill a walrus???

[–]WalrusofDeath 0 points1 point ago

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I will have my revenge...

[–]imdwalrus 0 points1 point ago

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I DISAPPROVE.

[–]Charizarddd 0 points1 point ago

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This isn't funny at all.

[–]Cokemonkey11 0 points1 point ago

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Wouldn't work on a Narwhal :)

[–]AdmStevens 0 points1 point ago

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slow clap

[–]theslyder 0 points1 point ago

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Judging by the color, the jpg artifacts, and the low resolution of the image, I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that picture was made in the mid 90's. Am I right?

[–]plumpchump 0 points1 point ago

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too bad Paul's already dead.

[–]furtive_junglewalrus 0 points1 point ago

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I find this to be incredibly insensitive.

[–]btnheazy03 0 points1 point ago

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random steve jobs

[–]rocker5743 0 points1 point ago

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This kills the walrus

[–]hasavagina 0 points1 point ago

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This made me very sad.

[–]erer44 0 points1 point ago

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This is how John Lennon really died.

[–]pass_over 0 points1 point ago

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Mitch Clem??? Is he drawing again??

[–]figureinplastic 0 points1 point ago

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Dick move!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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me after reading this comic: "lol babe, wanna know how to kill a walrus?"

disapproving gf: "No! ಠ_ಠ"

me: "oh, ok"

[–]arkhound 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed harder than I should have

[–]snarkmarkshark 0 points1 point ago

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Man, you cant stop laughing on such a fantastic comic. It just visualizes what we all are thinking, and leads to creative thinking. a gold piece of intelligent humor that needs to go straight to the frontpage. Classy beyond believe.

[–]thevalrus 0 points1 point ago

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:(

[–]Aretak 0 points1 point ago

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YESSSSSS

[–]memphisraines 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know why, but that question mark looks like the work of Hergé (and the walrus a bit too).

[–]palehorse864 0 points1 point ago

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[–]mantisx3 0 points1 point ago

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there's an app for that

[–]nydiarod 0 points1 point ago

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Lol cheese & rice

[–]liveat60fps 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And now I can't breathe. Thank you!

[–]newsteamassemble 0 points1 point ago

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challenge accepted.

[–]MetalGearFoRM 0 points1 point ago

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His bow is hilarious.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I've noticed a disturbing trend. A while ago people were upset about how Funny Junk was stealing Reddit content. Now it seems to be the other way around. Many comics such as this one were submitted on the website Funny Junk just a few hours before it was submitted on reddit. I say since technically we steal most everything it shouldn't matter what site we get it from as long as we stop whining about how reddit somehow owns these pics or comics. If its made for reddit however that is a different story.

[–]Ejvind 1 point2 points ago

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Shhh, this goes down badly. Reddit doesn't like the truth, that the internet is free domain.

[–]SeantotheRescue -1 points0 points ago

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Please link the cartoon instead of posting it as your own. Give credit where credit's due.

[–]EnjoyMyDownvote -3 points-2 points ago

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Die.

[–]fallenazn -2 points-1 points ago

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Not quite sure why I thought of Steve Jobs presenting this.

[–]davie18 4 points5 points ago

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Because you read his name in the comments.

[–]sedaak 1 point2 points ago

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Because something died.

[–]Primebeef -1 points0 points ago

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Lmfao.

[–]treeofsoulz -1 points0 points ago

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that made me 'awww' :(

[–]Vayren -1 points0 points ago

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I'll be sure to try this out on my next seal cub clubbing club weekend.

[–]kingofthething -1 points0 points ago

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anyone seen a walrus poop at the zoo?

[–]notasexyfemale -1 points0 points ago

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This is terribly funny.

[–]pineappleassortment -1 points0 points ago

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Walrus is Walrus. You cannot kill Walrus.

[–]david622[!] -2 points-1 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]StochasticOoze 1 point2 points ago

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This is a work of fiction. No actual walruses were harmed in the making of it.

[–]SMAAASHING -2 points-1 points ago

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I went to high school with a guy that made this! Sweet! :) Here!