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2396
2397

Yeah, that's why i don't have a girlfriend. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by tweek17

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[–][deleted] 782 points783 points ago

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90% of the time naturally hot girls don't acknowledge my existence. I'm that good looking.... Yeah, that must be it.

[–]UkranianLimbs 149 points150 points ago

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The other 10% of the time they're augmented and good looking...and don't acknowledge your existence.

[–]Soldano 85 points86 points ago

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My vision is augmented.

[–]Pinhedd 24 points25 points ago

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You might have copper wiring to reroute your pain but I have nerves of steel

[–]Sylense 20 points21 points ago

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At least we will have a way to tell when it's not Paul

[–]wiz3n 38 points39 points ago

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My augmentation is visible. ಠ_ಠ

[–]smegroll 13 points14 points ago

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Good thing the scanner can read retinal patterns right through your sunglasses.

[–]JSHADOWM 6 points7 points ago

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i vanted owaang. it gave me Lemon Lime.

[–]EonOmega 5 points6 points ago

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Are you sure you pressed the right button?

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      [–]darthluke 56 points57 points ago

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      lol this is what I have to resort to console myself on lonely nights.

      [–]sliigh 133 points134 points ago

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      xbox?

      [–]gerryn 17 points18 points ago

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      Barking up the wrong tree, pal

      [–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

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      You talking to me?

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              [–]Swanzy_Style 1342 points1343 points ago

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              The fact that he imagined the scenario in Anime just makes this so much better.

              [–]El_Sloth 793 points794 points ago*

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              AHEM! THE PROPER TERM IS MANGA.

              Baka gaijin.

              /Shawn Elliot voice

              [–]headphonehalo 886 points887 points ago

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              The proper term is cartoons.

              [–]halogenf 565 points566 points ago

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              Chinese cartoons

              [–]Beararms 78 points79 points ago

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              he was talkin about the backwards comic books

              [–]Oceat 62 points63 points ago

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              We prefer the term japanimation.

              [–][deleted] 90 points91 points ago

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              Or afghanistanimation.

              [–]GaryOak37 36 points37 points ago

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              I prefer the term pix elated genitalia

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                  [–]nonstopcynic 19 points20 points ago

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                  I know this probably isn't the same guy, but I remember a video with some extremely nerdy guy obsessed with japan. I know he was trolling, but I found it hilarious. Can't find the video right now. Anyone know who I am talking about?

                  I remember the words: "glorious Nippon". That's about it, though.

                  [–]happybadger 116 points117 points ago

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                  Anyone know who I am talking about?

                  Every mid-20s hyper-introverted self-diagnosed Asperger Syndrome-suffering misogynist who only listens to viking metal and J-pop while calling anyone who doesn't some form of the word "faggot" before hyperventilating and dying of an asthma attack when an Xbox fan says that PC gaming is dead?

                  [–]ShouldIClickThis 33 points34 points ago

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                  Damn, that was extremely specific...

                  [–]AquaSource 54 points55 points ago

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                  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

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                      [–]Irishsmurf 24 points25 points ago

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                      I believe this is the video you are looking for: Link! And yes, it is the same guy.

                      I miss GFW ._.

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                        [–]frycicle 6 points7 points ago

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                        I think that is his Ralphie voice.

                        [–]Major_Major_Major 5 points6 points ago

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                        I think you mean Ralphie voice.

                        [–]BohmaJenkins 51 points52 points ago

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                        YEAH, it's short for mangazine.

                        [–]Sels 41 points42 points ago*

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                        Upvoted for Shawn Elliot. God, I miss GFW.

                        Edit: Redownloaded the entire archive. I know what I'm doing tomorrow.

                        [–]ExiledVip3r 21 points22 points ago

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                        Pour one out for the Brodeo :(

                        [–]TehEwok 13 points14 points ago

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                        I miss Shawn Elliott too. "Huddle Up!"

                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcwes0-77iY

                        [–]Major_Major_Major 15 points16 points ago*

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                        I listen to the entire run of GFW Radio once a year or so. It was the greatest podcast ever made.

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                              [–]monstrado 266 points267 points ago

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                              That's when you break out your phone and start texting your make believe friends so things don't get awkward. After a few minutes of making it look like I'm smiling at cool photos my friends are sending me I look up to see if she thinks I'm a badass...except she appears to have a disgusted look on her face.

                              tldr: don't forget to turn flash off on your phone when taking photos

                              [–]the_index 21 points22 points ago

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                              What a twi---! Ah, I guess that was actually not much of a twist.

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                                [–][deleted] 523 points524 points ago

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                                God damn this gay-ass Earth! With all its lesbian mountains and transsexual peninsulas!

                                [–][deleted] 79 points80 points ago

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                                magic knight gayearth?

                                [–]koalapanda 46 points47 points ago

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                                More like Neon Genesis Evangayleon.

                                [–]vactuna 12 points13 points ago

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                                Gaylor Moon.

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                                  [–]Cptn_Janeway 215 points216 points ago

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                                  lesbian mountains

                                  Me Gusta

                                  [–][deleted] 60 points61 points ago

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                                  The titty ridge lane, pussy caverns, boobie lookout point. That would be amazing :)

                                  [–]DeFex 27 points28 points ago

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                                  Here you go

                                  [–][deleted] 57 points58 points ago

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                                  I've never been so disappointed in clicking a link before in my life.

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                                    [–]vhagar 22 points23 points ago

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                                    Too bad no men would be allowed.

                                    [–]guizzy 32 points33 points ago

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                                    But could we watch?

                                    [–]rmm45177 34 points35 points ago

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                                    Only on the internet.

                                    [–]sonar1 16 points17 points ago

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                                    live stream?

                                    [–]rmm45177 29 points30 points ago

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                                    Only if you pay.

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                                            [–]Dream_the_Unpossible 23 points24 points ago

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                                            From sea to flaming sea.

                                            [–]Grimueax 41 points42 points ago

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                                            transsexual peninsulas

                                            I knew there was something strange about Florida...

                                            [–]januszeal 9 points10 points ago

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                                            :(

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                                                [–]lamqta 200 points201 points ago

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                                                I wanted a reason to post this.

                                                [–]asiik 8 points9 points ago

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                                                im pretty sure that's this guy called gingy who went to my hs... he sounded like the gingerbread man from shrek

                                                [–]lamqta 18 points19 points ago

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                                                Was he the same ball of erotica that he is today?

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                                                  [–]Squidilus 720 points721 points ago

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                                                  Any girl who would start crying because some random guy wouldn't talk to her is most likely crazy anyways.

                                                  [–]gaog 376 points377 points ago

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                                                  that sounds like perfect for me

                                                  [–]majorgooseturd 114 points115 points ago

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                                                  Nothing like a girl with a case of the crazies.

                                                  [–]bboytriple7 146 points147 points ago

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                                                  I can't stand the whole "don't stick your stick in crazy" thing.

                                                  That's the #1 thing I look for in women.

                                                  Also, I am crazy.

                                                  [–]Manwichs 109 points110 points ago

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                                                  Amazing twist ending.

                                                  [–]cbrandolino 73 points74 points ago

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                                                  Directed b--- ok, sorry.

                                                  [–]nml5566 23 points24 points ago*

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                                                  Haha don't you mean car--- I'll just let myself out.

                                                  [–]orbat 14 points15 points ago

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                                                  I bet I could eat a hundr... I'll get my coat

                                                  [–]Takteek 7 points8 points ago

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                                                  If you guys keep up like this the footman will be out of a job.

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                                                        [–]sirisaacnuton 5 points6 points ago

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                                                        Good point. My dick is the #1 I look for in women too.

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                                                            [–]MIXEDGREENS 195 points196 points ago

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                                                            See, the thing you poor bastards don't realize about crazy is it's called crazy for a reason.

                                                            That girl who would cry because a guy won't talk to her? The one who's so relieved to have someone, anyone to give her companionship? Crazy means she lives in her own head. Her worldview is immune to external evidence.

                                                            One night, you don't go to bed with her because your raid is going real well and they need you for a little bit longer. But that's not what she hears. You've abandoned her. How could you do this? It must be someone else. THAT WHORE on vent that's actually a prepubescent kid? You're leaving her for him, and if she can't have you, fucking nobody can. Enjoy awakening to the rhythm of your rustiest serrated kitchen knife removing the same testicles she was so enthusiastically draining perhaps only moments prior.

                                                            DON'T. FUCK. CRAZIES.

                                                            [–]ScientiaEstPotentia 131 points132 points ago

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                                                            I'm done with the internet for a while

                                                            [–][deleted] ago

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                                                            [deleted]

                                                            [–]ScientiaEstPotentia 71 points72 points ago

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                                                            locks door. puts on tin foil hat

                                                            [–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago*

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                                                            Tin foil amplifies alien signals. If anything, you should put a condom on your head.

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                                                                  [–]c3powned 77 points78 points ago

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                                                                  Crazygirl mini story:

                                                                  Agreed. I was recently dating a girl that turned out to be a crazy and it's still affecting my life.

                                                                  She started becoming very disrespectful when I was helping her get her car running and was offering her a place to crash for a few days with me at my parents house on the couch. She basically informed me that if I did not help her get her car running by begging my parents to let her crash for a few days and then begging my father to help fix the vehicles issue that she would not be able to work her Friday and Saturday shift and would lose her apartment. She was a control freak and basically wanted me to be around helping her so I wouldn't go out and party with my best friend on his bday. Wouldn't be surprised if she fucked up her own car on purpose.

                                                                  I told her she was acting like an ungrateful jerk and she told me she didn't need my input only my parents help. So I asked her for some sort of respect and thankfulness and she basically spit in my face telling me I don't deserve any respect even though I was buying her parts and helping her.

                                                                  I told her I wouldn't talk to her or help her anymore and she went to stay with some dude she met at a bar, only to have her 100s of phone calls and texts ignored by me. Then showed up at my parents house two days later begging me to drive her to work and when I refused, broke into my truck, slashed her wrists, and rubbed blood all over my headliner, steering wheel, seat cover, and door panels.

                                                                  There is A LOT more to this but basically, Yeah, avoid these types of red flag relationships. Bitches be crazy.

                                                                  [–]flaim 46 points47 points ago

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                                                                  broke into my truck, slashed her wrists, and rubbed blood all over my headliner, steering wheel, seat cover, and door panels.

                                                                  ಠ_ಠ

                                                                  [–]Welshie95 23 points24 points ago

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                                                                  I've known girls nearly this crazy. I know it's Reddit (creative writing central), but this story isn't hard for me to believe.

                                                                  [–]Saephon 15 points16 points ago

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                                                                  People can be intelligent, attractive, and mentally stable. But only ever two of them at a time.

                                                                  [–]flyinthesoup 16 points17 points ago

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                                                                  Attractive only lasts for some years, after that it goes away anyways. I'll take intelligent and mentally stable every time. I'll enjoy the "attractive" from far away. Like in a zoo.

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                                                                          [–]letdogsvote 108 points109 points ago

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                                                                          "Please, please, don't go! I'll do everything! I'll hold you and touch you and love you like you want a woman to love you!

                                                                          Then, we'll go to meet my mother. But first, you'll need to meet all my dolls. They're my best friends and I tell them all my secrets!

                                                                          I've told them all about you for years! I didn't think I'd ever meet you, but they told me! They told me you'd come and here you are! I can believe them again!

                                                                          They want me to be happy, and now you're here and you're happy, too? Right? And now we can never, ever leave each other!"

                                                                          [–]Boredpotatoe2 82 points83 points ago

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                                                                          I've actually met girls like this.

                                                                          [–]Indoorsman 79 points80 points ago

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                                                                          What if her dolls really were magic, and could speak and they had the foretelling ability and told her you would one day enter her life? You totally missed out on your ticket into the wizarding world you noob.

                                                                          [–]Elriond 24 points25 points ago

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                                                                          If her dolls really were magic and could speak to me, I think I would shit and jizz myself at the same time. Then I'd probably black out.

                                                                          [–]Sir_Meowsalot 39 points40 points ago

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                                                                          Then you wake up dressed as a doll with buttons sewn into your chest, your genitals removed, your clothes stitched into your body and your mouth sewn shut. And you can't move because she's cut all your ligaments...and now she's preparing the final step...buttons for your eyes.

                                                                          [–]Deadmirth 6 points7 points ago

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                                                                          That's when the dolls steal your teeth.

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                                                                                [–]GottaLottaOttas 6 points7 points ago

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                                                                                Or any guy that'd "do anything" for a girl because she's hot. Even scarier is the number of guys I know like that.

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                                                                                  [–]krunchitize 1233 points1234 points ago

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                                                                                  Didn't expect the Gabe Newell cameo at the end.

                                                                                  [–]ababjibijo 988 points989 points ago

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                                                                                  you've just delayed half-life 3 another day. thanks.

                                                                                  [–]jumbopanda 675 points676 points ago

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                                                                                  It costs 400,000 sandwiches for Gabe Newell to work on HL3...for 12 seconds.

                                                                                  [–]Wreckn 201 points202 points ago

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                                                                                  Now EA doesn't look nearly as greedy.

                                                                                  [–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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                                                                                  His thirst it must be satisified.

                                                                                  [–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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                                                                                  TIL Gabe Newell blends his sandwiches into a sandwich smoothie. \outfield joke

                                                                                  [–]Kimokik 13 points14 points ago

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                                                                                  Every single time. http://i.imgur.com/w8NRZ.png

                                                                                  [–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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                                                                                  Its okay lol I'm not in it for the karma.

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                                                                                      [–]cpnHindsight 74 points75 points ago

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                                                                                      *sandviches

                                                                                      [–]flyco 35 points36 points ago

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                                                                                      **SANDVICHES^*

                                                                                      ** heavy russian accent***

                                                                                      *** heavy, heh

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                                                                                        [–]Hazasoul 91 points92 points ago

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                                                                                        Does a day matter? We've still gotta wait 50 years.

                                                                                        [–]ImADouchebag 139 points140 points ago

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                                                                                        I created a sub-reddit in the attempt to delay it into infinity. You're all welcome.

                                                                                        [–]isaacarsenal 120 points121 points ago

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                                                                                        username

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                                                                                          [–]iamkorean 25 points26 points ago

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                                                                                          I have hope though. Even Duke Nukem Forever came out.. even though it was shit..

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                                                                                            [–]gospelwut 78 points79 points ago

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                                                                                            Come on now. This is becoming an unfair boogyman. Half-Life3 is indefinitely postponed; your comments imply that somehow we can change this. Imagine when your children are waiting for Half-Life3 and you chide them for doing something wrong and exclaim, "Bobby, this is why Half-Life3 isn't out yet."

                                                                                            It is painful and scaring--much akin to saying, "This is why your mother and I are getting divorced." Look, your parents would have got divorced no matter what, and Half-Life3 will be delayed no matter what.

                                                                                            You monster.

                                                                                            [–]Zyxil 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                            Daddy drinks because you cry.

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                                                                                                [–]cpnHindsight 222 points223 points ago*

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                                                                                                Pfft, that's not how Gabe rolls:

                                                                                                http://i.imgur.com/H0IKl.jpg

                                                                                                [–]blackdoglicorice 171 points172 points ago

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                                                                                                I expected a picture of him literally rolling.

                                                                                                [–]ThePTouch 134 points135 points ago

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                                                                                                You mean like this?

                                                                                                [–]nml5566 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                That's the one.

                                                                                                [–]BillyBatts83 6 points7 points ago

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                                                                                                That has made my day. Suppressing tears of laughter here...

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                                                                                                  [–]Rahlyn 69 points70 points ago

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                                                                                                  Notice the fact that he doesn't have hover hands. Gabe knows he's the man.

                                                                                                  [–]cohrt 61 points62 points ago

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                                                                                                  he's also very fucking rich

                                                                                                  [–]JJTizzle 10 points11 points ago

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                                                                                                  Yes. Yes he does.

                                                                                                  Now only if he'd hover those hands on some sequels...

                                                                                                  [–]HittingSmoke 7 points8 points ago

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                                                                                                  No, Gabe knows what he's paying for.

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                                                                                                      [–]branners 87 points88 points ago

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                                                                                                      I'm pretty sure the reason that Gabe Newell doesn't have a girlfriend is that he's married.

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                                                                                                        [–]Dusk_v731 422 points423 points ago

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                                                                                                        Fuck this gay earth

                                                                                                        [–]Jyvblamo 114 points115 points ago

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                                                                                                        I have no idea why this made me chortle.

                                                                                                        [–]MIXEDGREENS 32 points33 points ago

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                                                                                                        If Squirtle and Charizard mated, would the offspring be a chortle? Chirtle? Chipotle?

                                                                                                        Fuck me I want a burrito.

                                                                                                        [–]varemia 58 points59 points ago

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                                                                                                        I had no idea anyone on Earth used the word chortle. It sounds like an involuntary body noise.

                                                                                                        [–]LoganCale 187 points188 points ago

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                                                                                                        …it is.

                                                                                                        [–]varemia 46 points47 points ago

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                                                                                                        I think I just shat myself.

                                                                                                        [–][deleted] 101 points102 points ago

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                                                                                                        squirtle?

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                                                                                                          [–]zersch 16 points17 points ago

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                                                                                                          That's exactly what it is.

                                                                                                          [–]LaserDinosaur 7 points8 points ago

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                                                                                                          Perhaps Jyvblamo made an involuntary body noise.

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                                                                                                              [–]lumcetpyl 25 points26 points ago

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                                                                                                              Now the Earth's gay? Jesus, what's this country coming to!?

                                                                                                              [–]TigerTrap 81 points82 points ago

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                                                                                                              Gay porn, apparently.

                                                                                                              [–]Indoorsman 14 points15 points ago

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                                                                                                              Next thing you know the Earth will want to marry the Sun and then all the moons are going to be raised by homospacespheres.

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                                                                                                                [–]tushibu 3 points4 points ago

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                                                                                                                I have been laughing at this singular line for hours.

                                                                                                                [–]Radicality_ 4 points5 points ago

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                                                                                                                Those four words make the comic. Well, that and the really fat guy.

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                                                                                                                  [–]lionleaf 547 points548 points ago*

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                                                                                                                  Glad I opened it full-size, so the ending wasn't spoiled. I got really into it, starting to get really sad, before the ending made me laugh out loud!

                                                                                                                  [–]Matt__ 76 points77 points ago*

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                                                                                                                  The ending made me feel sad for that poor deluded lonely fat man

                                                                                                                  [–]ShellOilNigeria 198 points199 points ago

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                                                                                                                  http://i.imgur.com/llUC9.jpg

                                                                                                                  [–]happydude742 52 points53 points ago

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                                                                                                                  I would absolutely buy self-help CDs of Dr. Phil talking shit at you.

                                                                                                                  [–]test_alpha 19 points20 points ago

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                                                                                                                  I would buy them, so long as all profits went toward destroying Dr. Phil.

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                                                                                                                      [–]Tofufile 51 points52 points ago

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                                                                                                                      you are using that word wrong. Disillusioned means to "Have the veil pulled from your eyes, to see with eyes unclouded, eyes not fooled anymore, not under an illusion." The correct answer is the poor deluded fat man.

                                                                                                                      [–]Matt__ 23 points24 points ago

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                                                                                                                      fuck I got those two confused again

                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

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                                                                                                                      would you say you are now.. disillusioned?

                                                                                                                      [–]OilySalmon 22 points23 points ago

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                                                                                                                      More like disconfused.

                                                                                                                      [–]toshmaytol 32 points33 points ago

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                                                                                                                      and everyone else is disinterested

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                                                                                                                        [–]TheKorovaMilkbar 117 points118 points ago

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                                                                                                                        Yeah same here, I expanded that shit with RES, and the ending was actually funny.

                                                                                                                        [–]gaog 341 points342 points ago

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                                                                                                                        yeah yeah we are all awesome

                                                                                                                        [–]L-L-Lame-J 149 points150 points ago

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                                                                                                                        I am getting the biggest upvote right now

                                                                                                                        [–]RedPanther1 63 points64 points ago

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                                                                                                                        OOOooohhhh, my upvote is pointing THAT way! We should follow it!

                                                                                                                        [–]Dr_fish 32 points33 points ago*

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                                                                                                                        I'm going to ram my upvote deep into your comment karma.

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                                                                                                                                [–]BlibOrBlab 85 points86 points ago

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                                                                                                                                Double the chins, double the fun!

                                                                                                                                [–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago

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                                                                                                                                looks like triple chins to me.

                                                                                                                                [–]BlibOrBlab 25 points26 points ago

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                                                                                                                                True, mistook one chin for a neckline. Should never deny the hard work of accumulating chins.

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                                                                                                                                    [–]burntcookie90 73 points74 points ago*

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                                                                                                                                    reminded me of this

                                                                                                                                    EDIT: Original Source

                                                                                                                                    [–]everythingevil 57 points58 points ago

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                                                                                                                                    Wow this was depressing. Till the end, where I laughed heartily, then cried as I shoveled ben and jerry's down my throat.

                                                                                                                                    [–]mgowen 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                                                    Don't give up pal.

                                                                                                                                    Any man who can afford to eat 10 ben and jerry's in one sitting is wealthy enough to attract some kind of female interest!

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                                                                                                                                      [–]Jorgeragula05 138 points139 points ago

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                                                                                                                                      psst, she probably writes in Comic Sans.

                                                                                                                                      [–]WarRedditor 84 points85 points ago

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                                                                                                                                      "fuck this gay earth" will be my quote of choice for every life situation

                                                                                                                                      [–]Yavetill 15 points16 points ago

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                                                                                                                                      Agreed

                                                                                                                                      ATM doesn't work : "fuck this gay earth"

                                                                                                                                      Hit my toe : "fuck this gay earth"

                                                                                                                                      Bid shat on me : "fuck this gay earth"

                                                                                                                                      Killed in TF2 : "fuck this gay earth"

                                                                                                                                      It's the perfect phrase!

                                                                                                                                      [–]the2belo 16 points17 points ago

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                                                                                                                                      FUCK THIS GAY EARTH

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                                                                                                                                          [–]coderedmountaindew 166 points167 points ago

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                                                                                                                                          I like the part where he's fat.

                                                                                                                                          [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                                                                                          [–][deleted] 66 points67 points ago

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                                                                                                                                          that's TRIPLE the CHINOSITY!!!

                                                                                                                                          [–]DANMEGA 32 points33 points ago

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                                                                                                                                          But only double the cleft.

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                                                                                                                                              [–]Privatebrowsingatwrk 39 points40 points ago

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                                                                                                                                              I lost it at "ANIME PRO."

                                                                                                                                              [–]form_wrestle_account 17 points18 points ago

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                                                                                                                                              I want an anime pro t-shirt...

                                                                                                                                              [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                                                              That's a tent.

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                                                                                                                                                [–]Threxx 32 points33 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                The whole time I was reading the comic I was thinking "wow, this guy (probably) has a really inflated ego and doesn't really understand how (most) women think."

                                                                                                                                                As I continued to scroll down I felt more and more compelled to make a comment about how unlikely a scenario this was and how delusional you must be.

                                                                                                                                                Then I saw the end and laughed at myself, hard.

                                                                                                                                                [–]FapFappington 39 points40 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                She is clearly unstable.

                                                                                                                                                [–]Japanties 85 points86 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                Haha, I'm glad someone else said this. "Please don't go! I'm lonely! Please hug me. I will do anything!"

                                                                                                                                                Co-dependent much? Oh wait, this is a loser-nerd's fantasy we're talking about..of course she's co-dependent.

                                                                                                                                                [–]SolInvictus 24 points25 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                I don't get why anyone would want someone so horribly insecure. Oh wait, I guess it's because they don't want that person to ever leave them. Such is the nature of insecurity.

                                                                                                                                                [–]januszeal 13 points14 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                they don't want that person to ever leave them.

                                                                                                                                                This doesn't work. Trust me. Trust me.

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                                                                                                                                                      [–]Indoorsman 16 points17 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      "Fuck this gay Earth" is such a great line to end such an emotionally intense situation.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]CaCtUs2003 14 points15 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      Reddit: The Movie

                                                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] 223 points224 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      DEAR MEN EVERYWHERE, IF YOU SEE A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX SMILE AT YOU ANYTIME, WHENEVER, IT MEANS SHE WANTS YOU TO SAY HI! STOP BEING A PUSSY!

                                                                                                                                                      [–]colonelmatto 92 points93 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      For clarification, the opposite sex of a male is a female.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]PurpleRoo 33 points34 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      For clarification, a female is a girl, woman, and/or lady.

                                                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                                                                                                      [–]Sense1ess 25 points26 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                      Yes, instead yell "I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE" in her face and then run away as fast as possible.

                                                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                                                                                                              [–]crackshot91 129 points130 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                              Just make sure she's smiling at you and not someone next to or behind you.

                                                                                                                                                              :(

                                                                                                                                                              [–]bigmoneyhat 27 points28 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                              You always wave first.

                                                                                                                                                              [–]TheDentite 47 points48 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                              Or at least do the thing where you cast an imaginary fishing pole and reel her in.

                                                                                                                                                              [–]MadHOC 9 points10 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                              I have a feeling that this isn't nearly as effective as I'd like to believe it is.

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                                                                                                                                                                  [–]phormality 18 points19 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                  I was walking down the street a week or so ago and this hot girl said "Hi" or something. She was with someone else and it was a fairly busy area. I assumed there was someone behind me she was talking to so I just kept walking. As I pass her she made a cat hiss noise and made some comment. I looked back and sure enough there was no one else there. She smiled, said hi, and I was the ass hole.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]catvllvs 17 points18 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                  As a very short sighted person I cannot emphasise this enough.

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                                                                                                                                                                    [–]dangerous_beans 52 points53 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                    Unless she's just smiling in passing because it's more polite than giving everyone on the street a poker face. In which case a nod and a smile back will suffice.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]gospelwut 71 points72 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                    Most studies indicate people generally smile because they feel uncomfortable or to defuse the situation rather than a genuine expression of happiness.

                                                                                                                                                                    Also, you might want to caveat this bold text, because I'm fairly certain the barista, cashier at the local grocery, and various other females in retail employment have zero desire for me to have an outside-of-work conversation.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–][deleted] 39 points40 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                    Sometimes a girl will smile at a guy because they are creeped out by him and are told it's the best way to diffuse a situation when a person who is a potential rapist is involved. Yes, if a girl smiles at you, she might think you're a rapist.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]gospelwut 15 points16 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                    It's also so they can see your face. They say that direct eye contact decreases the chances they will rape you and aids in facial recognition later.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]war_whale 63 points64 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                    Reddit: Where normal social interactions are shown to be obvious rape-avoidance tactics.

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                                                                                                                                                                        [–][deleted] 388 points389 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                        DEAR WOMEN EVERYWHERE, IF YOU SMILE AT A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ANYTIME, WHENEVER, STOP BEING A PUSSY, INSTEAD, JUST SAY HI!

                                                                                                                                                                        [–]internetsuperstar 401 points402 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                        DEAR WOMEN EVERYWHERE, I JUST WANTED TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT MEN WILL NOW BELIEVE SMILING IS AN EXCUSE TO HIT ON YOU. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM IMAGINING HUMOROUS OR ENTERTAINING MEMORIES ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION LEST YOU BE ACCOSTED BY SOCIAL RETARDS.

                                                                                                                                                                        [–]shapechanger 55 points56 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                        Excuse me. The correct term is socially handicapable.

                                                                                                                                                                        [–]porh 165 points166 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                        DEAR REDDITORS EVERYWHERE, I JUST WANTED TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT USING BOLD MEANS YOU HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY.

                                                                                                                                                                        [–]another-work-acct 26 points27 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                        DEAR EVERYONE, MY SHIFT BUTTON IS STUCK.

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                                                                                                                                                                          [–]hahatimefor4chan 14 points15 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                          i think we all learned something important from this thread

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                                                                                                                                                                            [–]itsafunnyname 33 points34 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                            You may be on to something here.

                                                                                                                                                                            [–]Minimiscience 75 points76 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                            DEAR WOMEN EVERYWHERE ... STOP BEING A PUSSY

                                                                                                                                                                            No, you fool, that's the whole point!

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                                                                                                                                                                              [–]catvllvs 27 points28 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              A lot of women smile just to be polite - they often want to get out of the way as quick as possible.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]YummyMeatballs 9 points10 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              Well it entirely depends on the type of smile. I'm a very polite person so when women smile at me it's an acknowledgement of the politeness coated with a "oh my god, in the nicest possible way please get the fuck away from me".

                                                                                                                                                                              Life is complex :/.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]clockworkzebra 49 points50 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              Seriously. I'm super shy and I have trouble approaching guys so I do the 'smile and hope he looks my way' thing.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]OilySalmon 90 points91 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              I want to meet one of you.

                                                                                                                                                                              We can have a shy-off.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]BovineHunter 73 points74 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              It's like a staring contest in reverse.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]clockworkzebra 16 points17 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              I'd win.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]OilySalmon 13 points14 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              Yeah, probably... sigh I don't even know why I bother. I'd probably just run away.

                                                                                                                                                                              wait...

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]clockworkzebra 15 points16 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              Not if I ran away first.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]OilySalmon 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              I wouldn't even show up.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]clockworkzebra 13 points14 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              I'm going back in time and sitting at the computer, being too shy to respond to your posts.

                                                                                                                                                                              [–]OilySalmon 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                              I was never here.

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                                                                                                                                                                                [–]herdyderdy 8 points9 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                                damn that's shy

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                                                                                                                                                                                  [–]Indoorsman 31 points32 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                                  Stop it with the damn games, just pull up your skirt in our general direction and shout, "Love me violently!"

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                                                                                                                                                                                    [–]guizzy 56 points57 points ago

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                                                                                                                                                                                    We had portable CD players back then.

                                                                                                                                                                                    And Walkman before that.

                                                                                                                                                                                    And portable radios before that.

                                                                                                                                                                                    And before that, girls either stayed home or rode the train accompanied by their father or husband.

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