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all 179 comments

[–]spawn2105 49 points50 points ago

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Hey, at least there wasnt any friction between you two

[–]Seichu 7 points8 points ago

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So that's what kids call it these days.

[–]Magoran 5 points6 points ago

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/slowclap

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I heard there was no friction at all.... /massive vagina clap

[–]HorribleBastard 0 points1 point ago

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/massive vagina clap

I think the proper term is "queef"

[–]cowpuncher 152 points153 points ago

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"Q: What do a woman and a tornado have in common? A: They scream when they come and take everything when they leave."

[–]elementus 53 points54 points ago

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Let's not forget the financial burden involved with each.

[–]Paravel 66 points67 points ago

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I am the financial burden to my girlfriend, so HA HA!..... :(

[–]Jafit 57 points58 points ago

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HEY EVERYONE! THIS GUY HAS A SUPPORTIVE GIRLFRIEND!

[–]Paravel 23 points24 points ago

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This April, I flunked a few classes in my 2nd year of University, and really thought about what I wanted to do. She offered to foot the bills while I write my first novel, and I was floored. We'll be married in November.

[–]1Avion1 20 points21 points ago

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Are you an author or a novelist? The difference is a novelist never finishes.

[–]Paravel 5 points6 points ago

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Haha! Honestly it's too early to tell. I've never sat down and written anything more than short stories or the odd poem. So far I've made all my deadlines and have three of my proposed eleven chapters done (in first draft quality).

[–]RaptorJesusDesu 13 points14 points ago

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So your girlfriend is financing your hoop dream (essentially the equivalent of trying to "make it big" in music, sports, painting, etc.) after you bunked one year of college. That's very nice and naive of her, I hope she makes a ton of money to be supporting two people in college!

Just fyi, most authors have jobs on the side, and still try to write. My former advisor was an author, imo a damn good one, he would get articles published in magazines and had numerous novels published. Actually you can look him up: William G. Tapply. He died of leukemia a few years ago, however he had a very long-running and professionally published series of detective novels ("The Brady Coyne series"). Getting published is a MONUMENTAL BITCH and so to have the success he had is really quite impressive. And yet he still had to supplement his income by working as a full-time professor at a private university, teaching creative writing/english/etc. courses.

So I hope you are working 8 hours a day on this novel shit broseph, and not just falling into whatever habits got you to fail that year in the first place. Unless you are JK Rowling or Stephen King, writing is not something to bank your life on. It's a hobby, it can be a very serious hobby, but if you try to just "be a writer" unless you are extremely prolific AND in the right places at the right times, it is just a recipe for delusion and disaster.

Your listed experience with writing is like mine when I started, which isn't a good sign for somebody full-timing it. The people who really flourish are the people who are obsessed; writing is a craft honed by practice and observation. And, sometimes, somebody just has that perfectly delicious mind that can just talk and everybody will listen, but that's less common. So anyway if you want to do this, really do write like it's your job, and READ like it's your job.

[–]Paravel 1 point2 points ago

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I appreciate your honesty and realist viewpoint, though I am slightly confused as you first advise me to find a career, then advise me to work 8 hours a day at writing. For further depth into what I'm doing; this isn't a life-changer, more of a life-goal. I'm not seeking to become the next big author. I had a desire to write a story, something I'd talked about in the past with my special lady, and she offered me a non-permanent solution completely of her own volition (she makes more than enough to support us both in a very comfortable lifestyle, regardless of my line of work). When I am finished, I will return to the corporate machine feeling refreshed, knowing that I've done something many people couldn't.

[–]I_give_insults 19 points20 points ago

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As writers like to tell each other: You will most likely fail.

[–]Deeterific 18 points19 points ago

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That's support group quality advice right there.

[–]tttt0tttt 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, but it's true. A guy who hasn't written anything of note, sitting down to write his great novel? Not a hope in hell.

[–]Richeh 2 points3 points ago

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Seriously. Authors can be such cunts about supporting peers. I'm convinced it's because they're scared that since there's so little actual technical knowledge needed, if people realized then the market would be flooded and their mealticket will be diluted. I don't know if that's true or not, but I think that's what a lot of unsupportive authors are scared of.

I'm a web developer, so yeah, I know this is the pot calling the kettle african-american.

(Fuck off, kids, new media's full)

[–]ClemsonPoker 2 points3 points ago

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It's actually because they will most likely fail.

[–]tttt0tttt 1 point2 points ago

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I'm convinced it's because they're scared that since there's so little actual technical knowledge needed, if people realized then the market would be flooded and their mealticket will be diluted.

So little technical knowledge needed? Hmmm. That must be why it takes from five to ten years for a talented writer to lean how to do it.

[–]Jafit 6 points7 points ago

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It tends to be the case with authors that their first 10 novels (or 10 years of writing) are just for practice.

[–]tttt0tttt 1 point2 points ago

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And that's only the writers who can actually write. The guys with no talent never learn how.

[–]JabbrWockey 1 point2 points ago

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What's it about??

[–]Paravel 0 points1 point ago

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It's about two friends, five immortals, France, China, and multiple states of consciousness.

[–]JabbrWockey 1 point2 points ago

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Sounds a bit like the Long Price Quartet, which used a bit of Asian lore incorporated into elemental gods who were forced into human form.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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So the downfall of these two friends, will it be unbridled enthusiasm like Billy Mumphry? Or more like the totally naive enthusiasm of your girlfriend?

[–]ducttape36 1 point2 points ago

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enjoy /r/writing

[–]dhaft88 6 points7 points ago

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Post pics so people can hit on your financé and troll you. :{D

I love seeing failure, chasing dreams, love, and money poured into a smooth cocktail of a comment.

[–]icantfeelmytoes 2 points3 points ago

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I want to kiss you right on your beautiful moustachioed face for that pun, and I don't care who knows it.

[–]dhaft88 2 points3 points ago

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:{*

[–]Akiyo 2 points3 points ago

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Sounds like a keeper. Congratulations =3

[–]sgtpppr -4 points-3 points ago

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In other words, she is purchasing a dependent man-child.

[–]Paravel 3 points4 points ago

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She is purchasing a part time writer and full service butler, to be more precise. ;)

[–]JabbrWockey 2 points3 points ago

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She's not purchasing you.

[–]SovietPoland 0 points1 point ago

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HEY EVERYONE! THIS GUY TYPES IN CAPS CAUSE HE'S SO COOL! Lol, just kidding. You're not cool :P [Insert Trollface Here]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You must be a drummer.

[–]m4rauder 2 points3 points ago

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Have you considered the possibility that YOU are the girlfriend?

[–]fisco130 0 points1 point ago

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And death, don't forget death.

[–]fisco130 0 points1 point ago

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And death, don't forget death.

[–]Dream_the_Unpossible 5 points6 points ago

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Never stick your weather vane in tornadoes.

[–]Sorenmatica 7 points8 points ago

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[–]Magoran 3 points4 points ago

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There's a whole lot of sucking and blowing, and when it's over, your house is gone.

[–]FormattingLessons 3 points4 points ago*

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My friend, your answer and question appear to be on the same line! I have no doubt that this was unintentional. But fear not, this is a common error.

If you wish to put a line break in your text without starting a new paragraph, simply add a pair of spaces at the end of the first line before pressing Enter.
This is equivalent to adding a <br/> tag in HTML. Pressing Enter twice will insert </p><p>, thus starting a new paragraph.

[–]cowpuncher -1 points0 points ago

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It apears on two lines on my phone but thanks for the heads-up.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]DoctorNose 2 points3 points ago

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Tornadoes aren't wet. You probably heard the joke with hurricane.

[–]uncbulldog420 0 points1 point ago

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tornadoes scream, and that was a totally separate joke from the weather channel picture

[–]DoctorNose 0 points1 point ago

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Unfortunately, Mr. can't handle bad karma deleted his post. I wasn't referring to yours. Your joke is fine.

[–]FreeDirt -1 points0 points ago

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What does a woman and an airplane have in common?

They both have cockpits.

[–]Varyter 30 points31 points ago

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Hey-o!

[–]TheresAnApeForThat 6 points7 points ago

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Totally came here to say that!

[–]Chakks 4 points5 points ago

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[–]DoctorNose 10 points11 points ago

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That depends. Was her name Georgia?

[–]LettersFromTheSky 17 points18 points ago

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It was probably Katrina.

[–]Lavatis 1 point2 points ago

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Great timing. Great username.

[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 25 points26 points ago

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Doesn't look like it's going down south, so I'm pretty sure it's not about your ex-girlfriend.

[–]__WOMAN__ 21 points22 points ago

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As a woman, I must say that I find this slightly offensive and vastly overgeneralized. This map is clearly only referring to the southeast (Southern Belle types). Here in Denver, we are dry and unstable.

[–]Letsgetitkraken 4 points5 points ago

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Well if you were to come down south we'd be more than happy to change that.

[–]MC-Master-Bedroom 2 points3 points ago

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Did she trap you in a high pressure system?

[–]Saac 5 points6 points ago

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Did she storm out when she left you?

[–]LyricalLie 6 points7 points ago

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Italics would have been a better choice, karma-wise.

[–]Saac 1 point2 points ago

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Noted. I'm new to this karma whoring thing. Be gentle.

[–]raisinbrand 12 points13 points ago

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never put your dick in crazy, son. it ain't worth it.

[–]poonahny 21 points22 points ago

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Crazies tend to be crazy in the sack too, though. So you might want to stick your dick in them but afterwards run as fast as you can.

[–]tkr2099 37 points38 points ago

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YES. It ruins you! Once you've had crazy chick sex, there just ain't no goin' back.

P.S. Hi Jessica.

[–]Just2UpvoteU 12 points13 points ago

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I completely agree. This is why I've rewritten the quote to read:

"Never cum in crazy".

[–]webby_mc_webberson 10 points11 points ago

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E.g. redheads.

[–]raisinbrand -1 points0 points ago

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Yes, this. My last crazy was a redhead, and she was NUTS!

She was a beast in the sack, she would claw up my back regularly and loved to be choked.

[–]Devotia 0 points1 point ago

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You dated Emma too?

[–]raisinbrand 0 points1 point ago

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Mine was a Kendra.

[–]solinv 2 points3 points ago

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It's okay to stick your dick in crazy as long as crazy doesn't know your name or where you live.

[–]ralcal 1 point2 points ago

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Crazy girl sex is amazing. Although the crazy chick got herself pregnant and lied about it being mine, she was a grrreat fuck. And now I trust women even less. On a side note, a fellow reddit gent kleinbl00 summarizes crazies extremely well... all the better to fuck and run!

[–]Warpedme 0 points1 point ago

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The phrase you are looking for is "Crazy in the head, Crazy in the bed"

[–]Lunarblu 1 point2 points ago

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One use only!

[–]raisinbrand -1 points0 points ago

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True. It's not easy to avoid the inevitable DramaBomb detonation, but it's possible.

[–]flawlesslylogical 0 points1 point ago

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This phrase should be re-iterated to, never fall in love with crazy. If you fuck them and run, you're safe.

[–]Flyboy 1 point2 points ago

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until they hunt you down.

[–]flawlesslylogical 1 point2 points ago

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Okay how about, "if you're gonna stick your dick in crazy, be crazier than they are."

[–]sgtpppr 2 points3 points ago

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So, be willing to dissolve the body in a bath tub full of acid and have at least some practical experience with a hack saw.

[–]icantfeelmytoes 1 point2 points ago

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Sure about that bathtub? Oh, and spoilers.

[–]Richeh 0 points1 point ago

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Don't even need to watch it. I know exactly what it is.

...bathtub scene from Game of Thrones, right?

[–]HookDragger 0 points1 point ago

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nope

[–]HookDragger 0 points1 point ago

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Lye would be better.

[–]sgtpppr 0 points1 point ago

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It was a joke.

[–]HookDragger 0 points1 point ago

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Oh.... yeah...

Hahahahh! Good one!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Roll on snare. Curtains.

[–]OneMillionTroops 1 point2 points ago

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HEY O

[–]Tesseraktion 1 point2 points ago

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Like ice She's just a temperature and a shape, temp: cold, shape: ugly.

[–]BeJeezus 1 point2 points ago

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Moist today, maybe, but a cold front tomorrow. Count on it.

[–]crank20 1 point2 points ago

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That's what she... forecast?

[–]CallmeSirBoy 1 point2 points ago

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Mine it's more like

Hot & Dry

[–]Awkward-Truth 1 point2 points ago

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we've all had that "moist but unstable" ex gf. they're the ones that's hard to forget.

[–]lamqta 2 points3 points ago

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Heyoo!

[–]Rarg 0 points1 point ago

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Yaaaaa-ZING!

[–]jgoette 0 points1 point ago

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read this in MNC announcers voice...

[–]RashRenegade 1 point2 points ago

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She was just temperature and a shape. Temperature, cold shape, ugly.

[–]FrankMorris 0 points1 point ago

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ctrl+f upvote.

[–]theresaviking 0 points1 point ago

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I found it hard to upvote this due to my pointer shaking all over the screen due to my laughter.

[–]Paravel 0 points1 point ago

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You require better mouse control if you ever hope to win the WCG.

[–]theresaviking 1 point2 points ago

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Wrist Co-ordination Games?

[–]webby_mc_webberson 0 points1 point ago

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At least the weather makes sense, mathematically.

[–]recursive 0 points1 point ago

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to who?

[–]webby_mc_webberson 0 points1 point ago

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Mathematicians. And computers.

[–]redmonster8 0 points1 point ago

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DOH!

[–]HaterSalad 0 points1 point ago

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my digestive system

[–]samzdaman 0 points1 point ago

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I'd tap--wait, wait... NO!

[–]Ski360spin 0 points1 point ago

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Thought the EXACT same thing this morning when I checked my weather...

[–]heracleides 0 points1 point ago

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Your ex-girlfriend really is moist, I'll give you that.

[–]WomenBeShoppin 0 points1 point ago

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I see what you did there.

[–]blew_nitro 0 points1 point ago

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OH SNAP!

[–]wallstop 0 points1 point ago

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Just moist? I don't know what you're doing wrong, but mine are sopping wet.

We're talking about rain, right?

[–]P-Rickles 0 points1 point ago

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ZING! Awesome.

[–]katb1111 0 points1 point ago

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damnnnnn

[–]badavila20 0 points1 point ago

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wow and the weather has been PMSing lately

[–]miked4o7 0 points1 point ago

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If Walken and Bowie got married, I'm pretty sure a black hole would be created from the density of awesome.

[–]MacLam5 0 points1 point ago

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EX ?

[–]furmat60 0 points1 point ago

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ZING!

[–]confusedsquirrel 0 points1 point ago

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Am I right?

[–]BenjiBlakeway 0 points1 point ago

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This applies to my ex so much I'm honestly a bit scared.

[–]daldo 0 points1 point ago

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Nice looks stormy

[–]RaDeus 0 points1 point ago

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Remind me of the my present girlfriend... and by coincidence she lives by the coast :P

[–]angelmusikal 0 points1 point ago

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That's what she said.

[–]nadeemo 0 points1 point ago

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hey-oh!

[–]heriman 0 points1 point ago

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shit brah how they know

[–]superfreak77 0 points1 point ago

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jaja funny. now where's that other one that says "get the family out". lol op captioned that one with "does the weatherman know something I don't?"

[–]SnuggleBunni69 0 points1 point ago

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I wanna make more accounts so I can upvote this more times.

[–]jjandre 0 points1 point ago

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Blowing across the midwest wrecking homes?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I know this all too well.

[–]gangy86 0 points1 point ago

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At least she's not variable and gusty with a light drizzle!

[–]telalwall 0 points1 point ago

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ZING

[–]Sirtet 0 points1 point ago

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Pfft talking about GF's and whether, My o'lady was so cold that when she opened her legs the furnace would kick on.

[–]dahabit 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks for making me laugh out loud to the point where my dog came over and started to whine.

[–]pandemic1444 0 points1 point ago

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One out of two ain't bad.

[–]YeOldeHairBandWalrus 0 points1 point ago

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Moist is one of my favorite insults thanks to Hitch.

[–]CaidaVidus 0 points1 point ago

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[–]sadsongsandbeer 0 points1 point ago

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You can't post words like moist on day 7!!!!

[–]soupahkoopah 0 points1 point ago

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bah dum ching! Ayyy!

[–]splatterpants 0 points1 point ago

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Heyyyoooo!!!!

[–]Arxl 0 points1 point ago

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Unfortunately the weather channel doesn't have something for "Smells like a trout in the sun."

[–]Captain_Obvi0us 0 points1 point ago

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It should really say "Dry and Barren" that pretty much sums up my gf.

[–]weird-oh 0 points1 point ago

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Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody fucks it.

[–]weird-oh 0 points1 point ago

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Dry and unstable is worse. Trust me.

[–]donkeytime 0 points1 point ago

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Heyoooo!

[–]rugratsallthrowedup 0 points1 point ago

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It's called the dirty south for a reason

[–]Karibou 0 points1 point ago

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Smacks lips ggewww. Moist.

[–]evelution 0 points1 point ago

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I really don't understand why so many people have a problem with the word moist. I think it's a great word.

[–]53504 0 points1 point ago

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Ba. Fucking. Zing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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HI-OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

[–]SickZX6R 0 points1 point ago

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Truer words were never spoken.

[–]vibrate 0 points1 point ago

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Or the leaning tower of pizza?

[–]snakesandstuff 0 points1 point ago

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Damn you, I saw that this morning and thought the same thing... Perhaps I should've cashed it in!

[–]neightdog 0 points1 point ago

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your GF is a Jet Stream

[–]Honztastic 0 points1 point ago

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BAZING!

[–]The_password_is_000 0 points1 point ago

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Heyooo!

[–]kingnutter 0 points1 point ago

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I always feel the same when its Wet and Windy.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]kingnutter 1 point2 points ago*

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Mine is Gail

[–]Shagmire 0 points1 point ago

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now that's comedy

[–]ell0bo 0 points1 point ago

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Judging from my experience with women down south, I can see where the confusion comes in.

[–]fallingshoes -1 points0 points ago

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Was her name Katrina?

[–]Farrion -1 points0 points ago

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I like my women like i like my weather.........

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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... moist and unstable!

[–]drakeonaplane -1 points0 points ago

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At her most badass, she'll make people feel like they need to take a shower.

[–]dopamine621 -1 points0 points ago

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Moist

[–]bounce7 -1 points0 points ago

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made my morning good sir

[–]SteveZIZZOU -1 points0 points ago

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Nope. definitely ex-gf.. my bed smell after last night can attest to that

[–]koew -1 points0 points ago

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Bitchin' and unpredictable? Yeah, sounds like an ex.

[–]dpee -1 points0 points ago

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Given the past couple days here, I'd say the weather :(

[–]LunchMasterFlex -1 points0 points ago

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[–]Firefox64 -4 points-3 points ago

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yours was moist?