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490
491

"Get under the spout..." (i.imgur.com)

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[–]Penultimatum 53 points54 points ago

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Oral Roberts Ministries

Really now?

[–]stvart 25 points26 points ago

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What do you call two gay guys named Bob?

  • Oral Roberts

[–]PhilbertMcFilibuster 11 points12 points ago

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Are your names "Neil and Bob", or is that like, what you do?

[–]eternalkerri 2 points3 points ago

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really? (double checks image), Oh goddamn it, you're right! Does no one at these places stop to think at all?

[–]zombieterrorist 7 points8 points ago

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What would you have suggested for Oral Roberts to call his ministry?

[–]eternalkerri 3 points4 points ago

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Nothing that implies using your uvula as a penis punching bag.

[–]UnfittingToast 2 points3 points ago

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What a classy way to say this.

[–]Joshooa 0 points1 point ago

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Well look at what they believe in and you tell me....

[–]Johnny_sniper 2 points3 points ago

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Yep. Oklahoma at it's finest.

[–]_meshy 8 points9 points ago

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Actually, the finest we have are top notch meth labs serving the best crystal for the discerning stimulant enthusiast.

[–]Johnny_sniper 3 points4 points ago

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Oh yes. How could I forget about those fine ladies and gentlemen. After the local lab had to be relocated I haven't heard much from those upstanding citizens.

[–]mungd -3 points-2 points ago

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Oral Richards FTFY

[–]ljthompson87 20 points21 points ago

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Oh yeah she's totally asking for it- healing that is...

[–]faqnsht 66 points67 points ago

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Anticipating the second coming I'd say...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]LittleMissScientist 3 points4 points ago

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She's just trying to make it through hard times.

[–]faqnsht 1 point2 points ago

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Oral can cure ANYTHING

[–]deadleg22 1 point2 points ago

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My penis just shriveled up for the night at the thought.

[–]mrmyxlplyx 1 point2 points ago

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Sexual Healing.

[–]comox 0 points1 point ago

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Ya, that is a link to the 12 inch version.

[–]mrmyxlplyx 0 points1 point ago

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That's because everyone knows when Marvin brings healing, he won't stop short unless you're satisfied.

[–]Phiarmage 9 points10 points ago*

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As a native Tulsan, I approve of this message!

And yes it is a legit place. There is even a very large university. A while back Oral Roberts built a skyscraper, the CityPlex Towers that had three towers- One as tall as the great ark was long, one as tall as the great ark was wide, and the last as tall as the great ark was. Damn buckle of the bible belt.

[–]Nomikos 4 points5 points ago

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I half expected it to be phallus-shaped, with two globular buildings next to it.

[–]tldamian 1 point2 points ago

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Not to dispute what you're saying, but when I was working there, I was told by the current building manager that the lower section under the three towers was built to the size of the ark. It's entirely possible that the towers were as well, it wouldn't surprise me.

Citiplex Towers was actually built as a hospital originally. One of the stories I heard was that patients would show up at the Tulsa Intl Airport and just stand around outside waiting for someone to pick them up to take them to the hospital, because they genuinely believed that god would provide for them. Which, now that I think about it, if someone found them there looking bewildered, and then helped them get to the damn place, they would see that as god providing for them..... MIND = BLOWN. /brianmelt.

[–]tldamian 1 point2 points ago

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Oh damn, i need to find the picture I took of the fountain in front of the building as well from one of the higher floors. It was built as two fountains that merged into each other and then ran from the road to the building. then they decided to put a parking lot in and cut it short. Now, it looks very much like a penis.

Edit: Google maps to the rescue - http://maps.google.com/maps?q=oral+roberts&hl=en&ll=36.045523,-95.953568&spn=0.001178,0.003433&sll=36.153955,-96.124191&sspn=0.30105,0.878906&t=h&z=19

[–]bitter_cynical_angry 1 point2 points ago

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/brianmelt

I just thought this was funny. There's probably a Python joke in this somewhere but I can't think of anything at the moment.

[–]Phiarmage 0 points1 point ago

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More and less you are correct about the hospital reference. It was the site of the Cancer Treatment Center for America for a long time until they built the new one, to my knowledge. But, the towers also had apartments and classrooms too, and only until ORU started losing money due to a lack of tenants, did they ultimately sell it off and move the giant hands across the street to the ORU main entrance.

[–]youdontknowitsme 0 points1 point ago

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It was a hospital long before cancer center of America came along one of my siblings was born there. They shut down the hospital part for a long time though.

[–]Phiarmage 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, damn. Curiosity, when was this?

[–]youdontknowitsme 0 points1 point ago

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1985, the hospital part was shut down in 1989 due to financial problems

[–]justjoinedtopostthis 1 point2 points ago

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I never knew that about those towers. I pass by them driving down riverside everyday.

[–]Obi_Kwiet 0 points1 point ago

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We had our prom in there. It was actually kind of crappy.

I hated all that garbage that was so pervasive there. Any moderately objective person could easily see that it was doing a significant amount of damage to Christianity. I would not at all be surprised if Tulsa has significantly disproportionate levels of atheism in the next couple of decades.

[–]Phiarmage 0 points1 point ago

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Did you by chance go to Victory?

It wouldn't surprise me if a lot of Tulsan's are atheists soon either, although there are quite the few extremely devout people around. Not sure if it's ignorance, or naivety. I did see that we will be getting atheist billboards around...

[–]Obi_Kwiet 0 points1 point ago

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Nah, but honestly you don't need to. Many of my friends in Tulsa were "Tulsa Charismatic" and I knew others. I watched many, many kids give up on Christianity in disgust during high school. Socially, it's a system that demands that people become massive posers. You have to continually and competitively be dishonest with yourself. It's really tough trying to discuss it with high schoolers, because their feelings are too easily hurt.

And this is coming from a conservative Christian. We drove an hour to Bartlesville to go to a church that wasn't full of derp.

[–]cjcrashoveride 0 points1 point ago

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The ark would had to have been about the size of Rhode Island or larger to actually contain all those animals. I think they got their building calculations off.

[–]Phiarmage 0 points1 point ago

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Very true, but being a religious establishment they just took that extra step after believing the bible, and believed that 2 of all animals could A.) get to the ark and B.) fit on an ark under the prescribed definitions of the bible.

[–]cjcrashoveride 0 points1 point ago

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I guess if you're going to take a leap of faith you might as well go the whole 9 yards. Ohh well.

[–]Fraktul 0 points1 point ago

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Oral Roberts also built this spaceship. Obviously, to commemorate the fact that Jesus was an alien from the planet Nibiru. O_o

[–]Phiarmage 0 points1 point ago

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Either way, the architecture there is pretty cool.

On a side note, I have always wanted to "paint" (honey water spray with kool-aid powder on it the next night, after its just dry and sticky) or glove the hands as a prank, perhaps maybe glove only the middle and thumb?

[–]DipsomaniacDawg 36 points37 points ago

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There really should be more facefucking in church.

[–]wilc8650 4 points5 points ago

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If you believe what they say, I'd say you're getting facefucked pretty hard.

[–]AllNamesAreGone 1 point2 points ago

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Do we really have to take every opportunity needed to shit on Christians? We get it - you don't like Christianity. It doesn't mean you need to run into every thread you can find and shit all over it by being a dick.

[–]BuckeyeBentley 12 points13 points ago

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This is a thread about Christianity and face-fucking. Did you expect that joke to not be made?

[–]gid13 7 points8 points ago

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In fairness, evangelicals take every opportunity to preach to others... I realize that's not all Christians, but hey.

[–]hbarSquared 2 points3 points ago

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Not all evangelicals are Christians, either. I de-subbed from /r/atheism because I was tired of evangelical atheists trying to cram their blind, fervent faith that there is no god down my throat.

A lot of atheists take every opportunity to preach to others as well. No one ever changed their beliefs because someone was a dick to them.

[–]gid13 1 point2 points ago

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I was tired of evangelical atheists trying to cram their blind, fervent faith that there is no god down my throat.

While I respect your right to avoid atheist evangelism, I don't meet a lot of atheists with blind, fervent faith. I'm sure there are a few, but in my experience true blind faith mainly comes from desperately wanting something to be true. The lack of a God isn't terrible, but it's not something many people really desperately want. People give away tens of thousands of dollars to get millions from Nigerian princes. Imagine what they would do for an eternity in Heaven. A "what you see is what you get" life followed by a lack of consciousness just doesn't hold the same cachet.

No one ever changed their beliefs because someone was a dick to them.

It probably doesn't happen very often, no. That's actually a really sad statement on humanity, when you think about it. People can be a dick and still be right.

[–]wilc8650 4 points5 points ago

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My bad. I forgot Christians don't "shit all over" science and scientific evidence.

Oh wait...

[–]dirtymoney 0 points1 point ago

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its like bad cops. When they stop with the shit. We will leave them alone.

[–]facefuckedforchrist -5 points-4 points ago

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yes, yes we do, absolutely EVERY opportunity. the sooner Christianity is deemed socially unacceptable, the better. Christians have been shitting on everyone else for thousands of years, being a dick about it is a pretty normal reaction imho.

[–]allsecretsknown 15 points16 points ago

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Christians Human beings have been shitting on everyone else for thousands of years, being a dick about it is a pretty normal reaction imho.

FTFY

[–]TheSouthernThing 9 points10 points ago

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Christians have been shitting on everyone else for thousands of years, being a dick about it is a pretty normal reaction imho.

There are also Christians who gave up everything they had to go and help out in third world nations. You decide to choose the worst of a group and use them as an example of why you can be a judgmental and hate-filled. Flip it around and try to emulate the best Christian who ever lived and you will have more of a foot to stand on with this argument.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TheSouthernThing 5 points6 points ago

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Except facefuckedforchrist didn't say evangelical Christianity shouldn't be deemed socially acceptable, he made a generalized claim against all Christians. So while your point is valid and relevant to this post, I was discussing Christianity as a whole just like the other people in the comments above me were. You can't lump every Christian into this group of businessmen or any other Westboro Baptist Church type group that reddit loves to hate. That is what I was discussing and I still feel that I made a valid point.

[–]unwarrantedadvice 0 points1 point ago

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You guys should crosspost this to r/atheism and see what kind of response you get!!!

[–]edwardjpunani 0 points1 point ago

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Yet they try to block the one thing that would really help third world nations out the most: birth control. Besides, whenever they do go help anyone, they bring their evangelical attitude with them and all of their aid comes with a helping of religious indoctrination.

[–]TheSouthernThing 0 points1 point ago

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the one thing that would really help third world nations out the most: birth control.

Really? I understand the need for birth control and I don't feel like looking up any citations showing you that not every denomination of Christianity is against birth control because the point is invalid to begin with. Food, shelter, clean water and health care all seem like much more crucial needs of third world countries.

All of those things are provided by Christian missionaries and your idea of the amount of religious indoctrination and evangelical attitude is way off. Seriously do some research before you make a claim like that, missionaries across the world are helping people in areas that desperately need help. I've talked to missionaries and they don't go over to hand out saltines and preach for days on end. They do a lot of work and invest their own time and money into going overseas to help the needy. They do discuss Christianity to people who come to ask them about it, but that is in no way religious indoctrination.

Why don't you go to the third world nations yourself and then after you have helped the impoverished people there you can decide to discuss whatever you find important. Whatever you do don't continue to make ridiculous claims about people who are dedicating their lives to making the lives of other people better.

[–]bitter_cynical_angry 0 points1 point ago

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Somehow I suspect you both may not actually be telling the complete story.

[–]TheSouthernThing 1 point2 points ago

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One of my good friends from school will get very emotional if people start attacking missionaries like edwardjpunani did by describing what they do as religious indoctrination. His grandparents literally sold everything they owned in the world and moved to Haiti to help with relief efforts. Other missionaries I've talked to have similar stories, they continue to return to the same areas to help the people that they truly care about. These people quit their jobs and bring their families to the other side of the world to help people. Calling it religious indoctrination and downplaying the hard work these missionaries put into helping communities is atrocious.

[–]bitter_cynical_angry 0 points1 point ago

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And that's fine. But I think there is definitely some religious indoctrination that goes on as well, maybe not among people you know, but that's why anecdotal evidence is not evidence.

[–]Krantastik 0 points1 point ago

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A million upvotes to you, sir!

[–]problem_grin -3 points-2 points ago

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I tried to emulate all the best christians... George Bush, Larry Craig, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman... it was actually more difficult than you can imagine... pardon me while I go vomit.

[–]TheSouthernThing 3 points4 points ago

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I tried to emulate all the best christians... George Bush, Larry Craig, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman

So what you did was completely ignore any of the content in my post and make an attack on Republicans. You realize that Obama is also a Christian don't you? I guess you couldn't lump him in with your politicians because then you wouldn't be validating your biases. I'll try to make it more clear

Flip it around and try to emulate the best Christian who ever lived

was in reference more to this

There are also Christians who gave up everything they had to go and help out in third world nations.

than in reference to you emulating politicians who are Christian who you also disagree with their party affiliation. Nice straw-man though.

[–]jamwt 2 points3 points ago

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You realize that Obama is also a Christian don't you?

I realize Obama is a man who actually wants to be elected president, if that's what you're asking.

[–]problem_grin -2 points-1 points ago

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Ok... you got me... name the best christians that even lived... also, please name the best christians that ever lived that are not Republicans...

[–]Phraenk -2 points-1 points ago

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Emulating other Christians is like making a photocopy of a photocopy it doesn't work well for long. Christians are meant to emulate Jesus. That's why the word christian itself means "Christ like."

Then again, as good as Jesus was He still ended up on a cross. Trying to help others in the name of an invisible God is no way to win popularity contests. At best unbelievers will think you're crazy. At the worst they'll outlaw your religion and burn down your churches.

[–]cjcrashoveride -1 points0 points ago

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Because Evangelicals are the voice and representation of every Christian?

[–]Liberaloccident 1 point2 points ago

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I'd be there every Sunday morning.

[–]Hazelrat10 8 points9 points ago

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Hah, I don't know if any of you guys noticed this, but that picture can be taken in an extremely sexual way!

[–]lifeformed 2 points3 points ago

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Please explain.

[–]Sir_Scrotum 2 points3 points ago

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Well, apparently the caption "get under the spout, where the glory comes out" could be understood as a euphemistic double entendre where, in this case, there is a reference to receiving a facial, or to put it more bluntly, having semen sprayed across the face when a man ejaculates upon achieving orgasm. There is particular additional legitimacy given to this alternate meaning considering the photograph depicts a woman with her mouth open, head clasped, as if to receive the forthcoming ejaculate.

[–]Hazelrat10 0 points1 point ago

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They blurred out the background. Could there have been a porno back there? Probably. It's the things you don't know that hurt you. It's the things that you don't know that will cause your demise.

[–]UncensoredDerp 3 points4 points ago

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"I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!"

[–]Sanjuro79 8 points9 points ago

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Is this a religous thing, or the cover to a 70s porno?

[–]faqnsht 4 points5 points ago*

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Religious pamphlet...it's legit.

*Edit: Better link

[–]Sanjuro79 6 points7 points ago

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The pamphlet is from Oral Roberts.

[–]bw1870 2 points3 points ago

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This particular issue:
http://www.oralroberts.com/2010/magazine/august-2010-vol-3-no-3/

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I like living in Oklahoma, I just wish it wasn't apart of the bible belt so people weren't always trying to shove religion down my throat...

[–]bobcobb42 1 point2 points ago

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Always? Sure there are the crazies on the street holding the "Jesus is coming soon!" signs. And the Jehovah's witnesses constantly banging on the door. However as long as you don't intentionally go to Guts church or something there aren't that many folks soliciting religion to your face.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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ok so I may have exaggerated just a little... Although I was at McDonald's one day and an old lady came up to me and a friend and asked us where we thought we would go if we died at that exact moment. It was kind of creepy and random.

[–]justjoinedtopostthis 0 points1 point ago

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Last summer there was an old lady holding up religious signs everyday from 8am to 10am on the corner of 71st and riverside. Blows my mind that people actually do this.

[–]dubmedic 0 points1 point ago

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"religion"

[–]bluegirlinaredstate 2 points3 points ago

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And this is why I'm moving the fuck out of Oklahoma as soon as possible.

[–]jtunget 0 points1 point ago

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I got out too, but these wack jobs are everywhere.

[–]koorbhsal 0 points1 point ago

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Same here. I guess you could call me blueboyinaredstate.

[–]legalnola 2 points3 points ago

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Also in THAT PARTICULAR ISSUE (http://www.oralroberts.com/2010/magazine/august-2010-vol-3-no-3/):

The Job Only You Can Do – a Classic Message by Oral Roberts on Jonah

The Power of Seed-Faith Living – by Richard Roberts

[–]markjaquith 0 points1 point ago

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"Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs." — Butters

[–]eternalkerri 1 point2 points ago

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Am I the only one who thinks to themselves when they see stuff like this, "Did no one at [the location/the business] stop to think about what this looked like? And why the hell didn't anyone at the printers double check before they printed this out?"

[–]ebcreasoner 0 points1 point ago

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Nobody wants to be the one with the dirty mind pointing this out, I imagine.

[–]subv3rt 1 point2 points ago

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God bless Oklahoma... hangs head in shame

[–]SgtBanana 1 point2 points ago

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Nearly shat myself when I saw Tulsa, Oklahoma at the bottom. I live here and I rarely ever come across religious craziness like this.

[–]youdontknowitsme 1 point2 points ago

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I'm glad I moved away from there... oh wait, where I live is halfway under water... lame.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This should have been photoshopped 10.5 hours ago. The fact that it has not been photoshopped with both a dick and dick-in-mouth picture leads me to believe reddit is on a downward decline.

[–]ydobemos 1 point2 points ago

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Moments later...™

Squeamish shouldn't click it.

[–]Toking_Coder 2 points3 points ago

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That warning hyped it up way too much.

[–]ninjaso 1 point2 points ago

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I don't get it.

Is "spout" supposed to be a dick, penis, schlong with cum, sperm, jizz coming out of it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Bring on the shoops

[–]faqnsht -1 points0 points ago

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Sadly, It's not shopped

http://www.oralroberts.com/2010/magazine/august-2010-vol-3-no-3/

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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No, I mean, I want somebody to do terrible things to this picture.

[–]Nomikos 1 point2 points ago

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More terrible things? You'd have to make it animated with a soundtrack to make it substantially worse... >.<

[–]eternalkerri 0 points1 point ago

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you can't build on perfection like this. if you add any sort of obscenity it will only detract.

[–]iCommentTooMuch 0 points1 point ago

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That guy's sleeves bother me.

[–]PressureChief 0 points1 point ago

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The innuendo is made stronger by the quotation marks around the word spout. This has to be somewhat intentional, it's too obvious.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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There was one of these "healers" in the 70s who kind of exposed the whole industry as a joke (duh). They would talk just as dirty as the rest of us. I agree that it is obvious.

[–]kknight64 0 points1 point ago

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Of course, Tulsa.

[–]ShorttSirket 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, I went to Oral Roberts for two years.

It is an, um, interesting school.

[–]TaraMcCloseoff 0 points1 point ago

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I want to get on my knees and start pleasing Jesus, I want to feel his salvation all over my face!

[–]sgtpppr 0 points1 point ago

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You wanna get your lesson on? Wanna be smart in school?

[–]GDRomaine 0 points1 point ago

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Relevant

[–]Baralum 0 points1 point ago

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Ha. I got to Oral Roberts and I approve.

[–]Would_I_Tap_That 0 points1 point ago

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Yes.

[–]spazm 0 points1 point ago

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I hear that just around the corner from the spout is where fudge is made.

[–]anonymous-coward 0 points1 point ago

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She's gonna meet ... Jeeeeezus.

[–]justjoinedtopostthis 0 points1 point ago

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As a redditor from Tulsa, I am ashamed. We aren't all crazy, I swear.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This looks like a MILF porno DVD case.

[–]stumpystimpy 0 points1 point ago

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To the rest of the world, welcome to the people i share my fair city with... FSM help me...

[–]jguins13161 0 points1 point ago

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Tulsa spelled backwards

[–]neversummer23 0 points1 point ago

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Seems like we have a lot of Okies here, check out /r/Oklahoma and /r/Tulsa.

[–]terrapinbear 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like a still taken from a Candy Samples loop.

[–]joeyvesh13 0 points1 point ago

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Photoshopped versions coming in 3... 2... 1...

[–]toujames 0 points1 point ago

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TIL there are Tulsa Redditors.

[–]Sunless_Sea 0 points1 point ago

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They just don't think these things through.

[–]not_a_pervert 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you for this sir... I fapped... twice.

[–]Kulmac -1 points0 points ago

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Sperms.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]mambypambyland -1 points0 points ago

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I see the atheists over at /r/atheism were able to get out of their pens again today. Someone check them damn locks!

[–]NinjaBob 4 points5 points ago

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You really don't have to be an atheist to find this funny.

[–]the_silence -1 points0 points ago

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And for the lady preacher...Glory hole!

[–]Kutchyx -1 points0 points ago

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poop joke, I lold

[–]aerodynamix -2 points-1 points ago

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"Oral Roberts Ministries"

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