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all 72 comments

[–]kaiken1987 39 points40 points ago

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the double stream: the bane of my bathroom existence

[–]Lampmonster1 32 points33 points ago

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And don't forget the 30 degree to the right malfunction aim that fixes itself right after you correct for it.

[–]Germanfries 4 points5 points ago

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If I move try to fix it, the stream of piss on the right starts to split. Almost a triple stream. EXTREMELY difficult to control.

[–]Gareth321 0 points1 point ago

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Don't cross the streams.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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The comic fails to mention the "not paying attention" wherein you end up peeing in the trash can next to the toilet.

[–]smellyfish 3 points4 points ago

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Or on your own foot, which happens to me more than I'd like to admit.

[–]akirapointOH[S] 2 points3 points ago

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I did this once parents didn't believe me. They said it was a way of me for getting back at them for not buying me a new batman toy. Go figure. I was also like 7.

[–]randomjew 0 points1 point ago

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TIL I was also 26

[–]mkicon 0 points1 point ago

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Proper post-ejaculate cleaning will prevent double streams.

I've never had one, but I also squeeze my dick like a tube of toothpaste every time after I... finish.

[–]hardman52 0 points1 point ago

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That usually happens to me because a pubic hair--either mine or hers--got pasted on to the end of my dick by some dried come from the night before.

[–]Lakario 0 points1 point ago

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Pro-tip: When a double stream is inevitable (morning wood), hold a piece of toilet paper just a few inches away from the tip; it will deflect most of the second stream properly into the toilet.

[–]Ran4 -2 points-1 points ago

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...for three seconds, until it sogs up. And stop using kindergarten units: you're a grown man.

[–]Bisyss 40 points41 points ago

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And again, a comic gets posted with the source removed. FFS.

This is where the comic came from, source intact. And since we're talking about Jamie Smart, go read (the NWS) Corporate Skull.

[–]aburm9113 7 points8 points ago

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Also, do not forget: Sharpshooter- between the seat

[–]runfromtheraptor 5 points6 points ago

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you forgot about "the long distance"

[–]CryWolf13 4 points5 points ago

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And the hands free

[–]runfromtheraptor 0 points1 point ago

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haha i tried the hands free long distance a while back... didnt turn out so well... unlike being great additions to cell phones... you dont want to attempt it when you pee

[–]linearcore 5 points6 points ago

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This is why I support the initiative to install fucking urinals in all private homes and apartments. Seriously, it's the 21st century, lets get on this. It's fucking ridiculous that I can't have a urinal in my own home.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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You can install or have installed any bathroom fixture you want in your home. Apartments are a different matter. They aren't your home, they're rented space.

[–]caks 0 points1 point ago

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Well, unless you own them.

[–]linearcore 0 points1 point ago

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I'm saying, that in first world bathrooms these should be a standard fixture, like sinks. Although I think landlords who provide a refrigerator without an icemaker, or a refrigerator manufacturer who sells the icemaker at ridiculous markup, should be dragged out into the street and beat. This is the 21st century. Ice ain't hard to make. And urinals should be standard affair.

[–]seatsniffer 2 points3 points ago

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it's a female-anti-urinal-conspiracy I'm telling you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Missing: So drunk you can't stand still and every time you sway back and forth you try to regain your balance but end up either peeing on the floor, all over the toilet, or just all over yourself. This stance includes you having to hold yourself up by bracing on the toilet cover or the wall.

[–]seatsniffer 2 points3 points ago

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the trick here is to lean with you head against the wall above the toilet so you're more stabilized and you'll have a better angle to aim unto the pot.

or....

sit your drunk ass down.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]MUSTARD_ENEMA 0 points1 point ago

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I can't make much sense of your post. Have an upvote.

[–]burketo 0 points1 point ago

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This is the reason there are little flies painted on to the urinals in many bars nowadays. It helps your aim.

[–]ohdoylerulez90 4 points5 points ago

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Number 10 = In the Dark

[–]TheManOnTheMoon 4 points5 points ago

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I'm surprised peeing with a morning wood isn't on there. That's just pressure washing for your toilet.

[–]jgzman 1 point2 points ago

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Also, a crash-course in contortionism, if you have a small bathroom.

[–]seatsniffer 0 points1 point ago

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yeah, and this one you can't even remedy by sitting down.

[–]Lakario 5 points6 points ago

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Forgot: "Didn't shake enough before putting back in pants."

[–]Hydris 0 points1 point ago

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Push up on your taint during the final shot and your problem will be solved.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I am not going to reach into my pants and massage my grundle in a public restroom, thanks

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Afraid someone is watching?

[–]Trowzers 3 points4 points ago

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The angle of the dangle is proportional to the matter of the splatter.

[–]DazednEnthused 2 points3 points ago

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Oh My God the Bathroom-Door-Open one is so creepy. I swear sometimes the cat will even peek into the toilet midstream just like, "Oh hey, check out your piss stream. Mind if I get a closer look?"

[–]humongous 1 point2 points ago

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This happened to me when I was a kid:

My parents left me with my aunt for the summer and one day my aunt went visiting a friend in town and took me with her.So we went there and there were like five or six people in the room and I went to the bathroom. So i pulled my thing out and released the pressure but instead of the toilet it went all over my pants.

I must have waited a long time there till my aunt realised something was wrong and came to check on me. Imagine me trying to explain and then her explaining to her friend why she needs a pair of clean pants.

fml

[–]Pwncake 1 point2 points ago

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Number 3 is called the twin-headed dragon.

[–]SmackadoodleJ 1 point2 points ago

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All the more reason to sit your ass down!

[–]seatsniffer 1 point2 points ago

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what's the fun in that?

[–]clazberri 1 point2 points ago

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It seems to me that the answer is in number 7.

[–]Konebred 1 point2 points ago

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Damn, am I the only one with an exaggerated lean on the wall with my head? Hell I even do it in the mornings when I pee and its a lot. Just lean on on the towel rack over the toilet.

[–]seatsniffer 1 point2 points ago

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is the best way to go if one was to during turbulence

[–]dragonetchedlasereye 1 point2 points ago

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7 made me break out laughing

[–]Velitatio 1 point2 points ago

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You forgot the "see how far back you can go"

[–]Aamon 1 point2 points ago

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Since the way I pee is not on there, I have to ask you guys.

Does anyone else keep backing up when they pee? - in public

For some reason, when I'm using a public restroom, I find it absolutely necessary to see how far I can back up. It's the long distance piss.

[–]takkatakka 0 points1 point ago

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Only when I'm the only person in the bathroom.

[–]TheUpwardSpiral 0 points1 point ago

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Sometimes the double stream starts spiraling. That's some Exorcism shit right there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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There isn't a day where I don't do the "Just Woken Up"

[–]takkatakka 0 points1 point ago

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I actually just pee sitting down now. I'm tired of the random double stream that happens every now and then, turning the seat into a slip and slide.

[–]tokeyoh 0 points1 point ago

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this missed the "still-drunk-in-the-morning-leaning-on-the-wall-with-your-arm-piss"

[–]chazmuzz 0 points1 point ago

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peeing on a train is also tricky

[–]lurkk 0 points1 point ago

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you forgot "the boner"

[–]shrapnel09 -4 points-3 points ago

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Here ya go, from 4 months ago:

http://www.reddit.com/tb/fo0hl

[–]MrBacon 5 points6 points ago

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Do you realise how many new people there are on reddit since 4 months ago?

[–]QuintonFlynn 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, hello there :)

[–]IAmMontreal -2 points-1 points ago

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so....sooo oooolllld

[–]Rooster1981 -1 points0 points ago

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Eight and nine were a bit uncommon.

[–]maddyb -1 points0 points ago

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Try having your period. Girls have it worse.

[–]BoatYeah -4 points-3 points ago

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the last one's a bit misleading in that men NEVER clean their pee off the toilet seat.

[–]Khalexus 1 point2 points ago

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Are you kidding me? I always clean the seat (even if it's just a couple of drops splashed onto the seat from the flush) out of fear someone will think I don't know how to pee properly. I assume most do the same, if they're not complete grots.

Case in point, my 20 year old brother still manages to get piss everywhere, and thus I don't believe he knows how to pee and I assume he stands there having pretend sword fights.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points ago

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If I had a dollar for everytime I saw this chart then I would have 10 dollars, If I got another dollar for everytime I saw this chart and didn't laugh then I would have 20 dollars. True facts.