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all 105 comments

[–]kadmo722 70 points71 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Look, okay, truth is, I met this girl in day care... and she... she just takes care of me, you know?"

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]therongguy 5 points6 points ago

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She gives me her cookies, she takes naptime next to me, we share toys together...yes, that's right, Jill, WE SHARE TOYS, OK? EVEN THE DUPLOS!

[–]fadnessd 134 points135 points ago

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You told me you'd get it together. You told me you were off the binky for good!

[–]PissinChicken 15 points16 points ago

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quitter talk

[–]redman66 50 points51 points ago

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Get off the binky and get on my dinky!

[–]Delbaeth 0 points1 point ago

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Damn it Jill. It's me or Binky. You have to choose, I just can't live like this anymore.

[–]mercierj6 -1 points0 points ago

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Those jean diapers are for gaybys.

[–]whothecapfit -4 points-3 points ago

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Damn - saw this link in its first 5 mins - should've bet on riding this comment to the top of karma mountain

[–]angad19 29 points30 points ago

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Are those the new diapers that look like jeans? LOOKS GOOD MAN.

[–]boobscomefromrussia 43 points44 points ago

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His diaper is full.

Full of fashion.

[–]murphys__law 4 points5 points ago

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When it's a number two...he looks like number one.

[–]Sizenines 4 points5 points ago

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I poo...in blue.

[–]angad19 4 points5 points ago

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He gives a crap about fashion.

[–]HonkMafa 0 points1 point ago

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It used to say "full of chic." Maybe it sounded too much like "shit"? Relevant linky.

[–]BridgetC 10 points11 points ago

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For the never-nude babies

[–]golfjunkie 103 points104 points ago

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"You haven't been the same since you got those new diapers." - Jill

[–]Cinelli 18 points19 points ago

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"But, honey, they're 100% silk. They're almost as smooth as my bottom."

[–]dquizzle 7 points8 points ago

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"I don't need you anyway! I have toys that can do things you never could."

[–]LetMeFuckYourFace 36 points37 points ago

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"You just don't blow snot bubbles like you used to."

[–]jezebelhussy 10 points11 points ago

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[–]capt_slim 3 points4 points ago

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"You used to look at me before you started crying"

[–]buakaw 6 points7 points ago

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"Jill, I can't have you spilling milk on my $5000 diapers, come on!"

[–]StormtrooperDan 59 points60 points ago

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"I mean at least not for 7 days. I read it'll boost my testosterone by 45.7%."

[–]smoiniye 14 points15 points ago

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The joke that keeps on giving.

[–]Hybrid-Paul 52 points53 points ago

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"I'm a nevernude....it'll never work between us"

[–]geneyus 20 points21 points ago

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"why didn't i see you at the convention this year?" "I teleconferenced in"

[–]celticmagnum 7 points8 points ago

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"...there are dozens of us"

[–]Jey_Lux 0 points1 point ago

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This is all i can think of when i see these diapers at the store!!!

[–]witty_account_name 14 points15 points ago

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"It's not like I'm leaving entirely. We'll still see each other at the sandbox."

[–]enewarf1 10 points11 points ago

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"You just haven't grown up..."

[–]whothecapfit 18 points19 points ago

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"you'll always be my baby"

[–]heybrother 5 points6 points ago

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Dammit now I have that Mariah Carey song stuck in my head ... ಠ_ಠ

[–]loveslifelifeloves 1 point2 points ago

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doo doo uh doo doo doo da doo da daah

[–]ABlitz 24 points25 points ago

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"Jill, you're good. k? you're real good babe..but you knew when we started this thing it wouldn't last. u are soo young and have your whole life to live..me...."

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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This comment made me think about my own relationship, have an upvote.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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This comment made me think about my own relationship, have an upvote.

[–]SeanLOSL 7 points8 points ago

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Four's enough... that'll do.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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I get my internet connection from a potato.

[–]dydxexisex 2 points3 points ago

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That is what I call a quick save.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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I get my internet connection from a potato.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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I get my internet connection from a potato.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]dunker 5 points6 points ago

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Two's enough... that'll do.

[–]decavolt 20 points21 points ago

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Babies are so funny. Sometimes they almost seem human.

[–]warda10 11 points12 points ago

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Bateman: I don't think we should see each other any more.

Evelyn: Why? What's wrong?

Bateman: My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

Evelyn: What about the past?

Bateman: We never really shared one.

Evelyn: You're inhuman.

Bateman: No...I'm in touch with humanity.

[–]pjhollow 2 points3 points ago

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Patrick Bateman: I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over, us, this is no joke. I don't think we should see each other any more.

Evelyn Williams: But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I really don't think it would work. You have a little something...

Patrick Bateman: I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I've thought about that. You can have 'em.

[–]warda10 0 points1 point ago

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I have to return some video tapes...

[–]HeatherMarMal 2 points3 points ago

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We gave my daughter our old cell that still turns on and such, it just doesn't make calls. She always "talks" on it, and I believe you've found the mystery person on the other line.

[–]TrollyMcTrollster 1 point2 points ago

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It's all fun and games till the cops show up at your door for calling 911...

[–]HeatherMarMal 1 point2 points ago

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Hah, well thankfully it doesn't actually make any calls. She tends to dial 666-6776 a lot, though.

[–]TrollyMcTrollster 1 point2 points ago

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I thought even phones that are disconnected can make 911 calls...

[–]HeatherMarMal 1 point2 points ago

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Huh...I did not know this. Maybe I'll just let her use the toy one from now on.

[–]huxrules 0 points1 point ago

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Actually you should keep it. If you don't have a landline and the kid needs to call 911 the old phone will have to do. You can leave it plugged in and charged in case of emergency. Thats what we plan to do. Of course by the time my kid is old enough to use a phone it will probably be normal for kindergartners to own iphone 10s.

[–]HeatherMarMal 0 points1 point ago

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Well, yeah, she is only one so I'm sure she will have some sort of computer chip phone implanted in her hand when she's older.

[–]emjones91 0 points1 point ago

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My toddler was in our hotel room, picked up the receiver and pushed a button 4 or 5 times all within the amount of time it took us to get over to him. A few minutes later the front desk called back and said the police had called them, saying they'd gotten several calls from our room. That day I found out that hotels have emergency buttons.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]irish_toys 3 points4 points ago

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I think you took that just a little too far..

[–]Lampmonster1 6 points7 points ago

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Wow. Perfect caption. I've made that phone call too many times, and that pose is perfect for how you feel.

[–]andsheissmart 2 points3 points ago

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Tell me: How <i>do</i> you feel when you make the call?

Annoyed? Guilty?

I've always wanted to know.

[–]Lampmonster1 7 points8 points ago

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It depends, but usually guilty for hurting someone. Depressed because of another relationship ending that way. Tired

[–]_Noise 0 points1 point ago

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I just did this in person, recalling the whole time that the tears of females have some magical (hormonal) property that weakens men. I just kept fighting the urge to go over and put my arm around her and tell her it's okay, because I knew it had to set in that I wasn't doing that for her anymore. It sucked, it really sucked, I knew for her sake I had to not tend to her, be unmoving, unflinching, certain. And it was fucking killer.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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"It's that milkaholic Lindsay, isn't it?"

[–]gamergirl007 5 points6 points ago

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Milka-whaaaaa?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You rock my face off. :D

[–]armyofwires 2 points3 points ago

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I ain't havin' no douchebag baby breakin' ma heart over the phone, na mean'?

[–]jillycheesesteak 2 points3 points ago

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I just tensed up for a split second thinking that my boyfriend created a Reddit account and was breaking up with me via /r/funny. Anyone else get nervous seeing their name somewhere they wouldn't usually see it?

[–]Salkovich 2 points3 points ago

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"It's not you. It's me. I ate all of the animal crackers."

[–]Packofnoodles 0 points1 point ago

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Hey! He can't use "It's not you, it's me." That's my line!

[–]Nguyener 1 point2 points ago

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Denim diapers? That's one cool kid.

[–]suddenlyreddit 0 points1 point ago

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Like jorts for newborns.

[–]Jilleh-bean 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck You Jack....

[–]jimsnaps 2 points3 points ago

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"You gotta come bail me out. I'm cracking up in here."

[–]jillycheesesteak 1 point2 points ago

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I just tensed up for a split second thinking that my boyfriend created a Reddit account and was breaking up with me via /r/funny. Anyone else get nervous seeing there name somewhere they wouldn't usually see it?

[–]abolish_karma 2 points3 points ago

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I definitely do. only 6 people share my name across all of US, and two of those are father and son. I`d be creeped out like fuck!

[–]Godspiral -3 points-2 points ago

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Listen babe,

These times have been great and all, but your a pig fucking finger biting bitch, and I can't do it anymore.

[–]FindSkyler 1 point2 points ago

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99 Problems...

[–]spinozasrobot 0 points1 point ago

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"You can keep the damn pail!"

[–]morewetchicken 0 points1 point ago

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"Buy low, sell high!"

[–]august_first 0 points1 point ago

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God I hate those motherfucking diapers.

[–]ET_pwn_home 0 points1 point ago

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Mom and dad told me I am starting to have cooties...

[–]FudgeSociety 0 points1 point ago

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Babbys first phone call

[–]LeSpatula 0 points1 point ago

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Now, memesize it!

[–]lynzee 0 points1 point ago

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That is one crucial denim diaper.

[–]emericuh 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote for the caption alone.

[–]RelevantToMyInterest 0 points1 point ago

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"sorry jill, maybe in a week? I'm trying to get to 45.7%"

[–]SwirlStick 0 points1 point ago

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The denim look is always in.

[–]StormtrooperDan -1 points0 points ago

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Why is he on the phone when his hand is right there?

[–]iamBillCosby -1 points0 points ago

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i've gotta admit, this is inspiring.

[–]lovingmy3boys 0 points1 point ago

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Inspired to break up with Jill?? It's ok...just let her down gently...

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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looks like my son. how does he always know my phone number? where does he get the phones?? "HEH DADDY"

[–]fionnt -1 points0 points ago

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my name is luca, i live on the second floor.

[–]Explains-Jokes -5 points-4 points ago

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That is a baby, and he looks like he is breaking up with someone. It is funny because you would not expect a baby to have a girlfriend.

[–]mwanafalsafa -3 points-2 points ago

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downvote, I don't care about your kid

[–]ForgettableUsername -2 points-1 points ago

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It's a TV remote.

[–]defective2 -1 points0 points ago

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Did anyone else think he had only one leg at first?

[–]JoshuaLyman 2 points3 points ago

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I thought he was defective2.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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"At least the sex was good."

[–]MusicMagi -1 points0 points ago

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FFS take the phone away from your child's head you fucking idiots!!!

[–]wiz_khalifa -3 points-2 points ago

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aww this made me laugh upvoootes for youuu :D

[–]mungd -2 points-1 points ago

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... And... I don't know how to say this but... You might wanna get checked. I got it from a potty seat, I swear!

[–]sayrith -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm guessing his name is Jack?

[–]whatacad -2 points-1 points ago

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I've just really got a full load right now

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]andyjonesx -1 points0 points ago

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You're the reason some people don't give blood.