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top 200 commentsshow all 306

[–]bsmiles27 174 points175 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You already have. He took a piss in your coffee this morning.

[–]cl0ne666 66 points67 points ago

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and licked the handle...

[–]xWINDYCITYx 227 points228 points ago

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[–]shitterplug 188 points189 points ago

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First it was funny... but after seeing that?

He must be stopped.

[–]Likes2PaintShit 84 points85 points ago

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He will be dead soon anyway.

[–]pandemic1444 42 points43 points ago

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Licked a fucking toilet seat cover. What is the point?!

[–]ChickenMcFail 75 points76 points ago

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Not a toilet seat cover. A PUBLIC TOILET SEAT COVER

[–]FruityPeebils 36 points37 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]monkeysoap 65 points66 points ago

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Are you wearing eye-liner?

[–]FruityPeebils 65 points66 points ago

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its guyliner

[–]shibbie03 7 points8 points ago

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[–]Iwantapetmonkey 7 points8 points ago

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A PUBLIC PORT-A-POTTY TOILET SEAT COVER to be exact..

[–]IntentToContribute 1 point2 points ago

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at BONAROO

[–]Deus_Ex_Mac 3 points4 points ago

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At the PRIDE PARADE

[–]hitlersshit 6 points7 points ago

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It tastes pretty good. Like a mixture of salty ass and dick sweat.

[–]pyrotechie83 5 points6 points ago

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If you're getting dick sweat on a toilet seat cover, you're doing something wrong.

[–]hitlersshit 4 points5 points ago

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Or you're doing something wrong.

[–]pandemic1444 8 points9 points ago

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I don't know what either of those taste like so your review is lost on me.

[–]mcreeves 7 points8 points ago

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Yes you do, come on.

[–]Sumido 65 points66 points ago

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This no fap testosterone thing is getting harder and harder.

[–]A_Mann 14 points15 points ago

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Keep your resolve stiff.

[–]madamimadamimadam 2 points3 points ago

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No, that's the opposite of what you want to do.

[–]ForgettableUsername 5 points6 points ago

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I'm out.

[–]HaterSalad 5 points6 points ago

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I am the master of my domain

[–]igacek 3 points4 points ago

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It's only been 12 hours and I'm ready to explode

[–]nomis_nehc 3 points4 points ago

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I don't even understand why you guys try. You're on the Internet for god's sake.

[–]foedufafa 2 points3 points ago

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I quit after 10 hours.

[–]xogie 20 points21 points ago

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I am surprised that he got away with it as much as he did - Most seemed to laugh at it. Thanks WindyCity for finding the video.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]RemyJe 2 points3 points ago

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It has to else it risks tearing.

[–]pschic_powers -1 points0 points ago

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I know him... He really does and he really is... He's fucked over his longtime friends bad. Asshole to the extreme. He deserves to be fucked by a dude in prison.

[–]jessi337 5 points6 points ago

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Most seem to laugh at it.. but then after the initial "haha, I'm at a gay pride parade, something mildly scandalous just happened, lol" they quickly recover and are like "What the fuck, that guy just licked me!"

[–]mad_disciple 33 points34 points ago

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Although funny, could this not be sexual assault? After looking, apparently it is in Scotland and probably other places as well.

edit: suppose it depends on the definition of 'sexually'.

[–]leHCD 20 points21 points ago

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A lot of the "victims" don't seem to mind, though.

[–]PlumberODeth 10 points11 points ago

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Are we watching the same video? Looked to me like the majority of licked had a 'ew' response once they realized what happened.

[–]capsrockbutton 10 points11 points ago

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Does anyone want to be known as the person who brought the equivalent of a backseat roadtrip fight between siblings to court?

"MAAAAHM! JIMMY LICKED ME!"

[–]mad_disciple 0 points1 point ago

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Backseat road trip involves people who know each other. This is a stranger invading personal boundaries.

[–]polynomials 3 points4 points ago

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You know, it is totally reasonable to disagree with me on this, but I just don't see this guy as doing something sexual. Like, the video is not produced in a way to suggest that it is sexual, nor does he seem to be seeking any kind of sexual gratification. I mean he's just fucking with people, which I don't think that should be illegal just cause he uses his tongue (which has non sexual uses). The people he does it to might interpret it that way, but clearly not everybody does, so its not like its something that is definitely harmful to them. I say he's in the clear.

[–]wecanhasit 2 points3 points ago

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I agree that i do not think it was harmful to anyone. However sexual abuse laws are all about how the "victim" interprets your actions.

[–]HaterSalad 1 point2 points ago

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maybe they had some chocolate on them or something

[–]mad_disciple 1 point2 points ago

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I do understand your point and the fact a camera is there and they are making a video as a joke does take away from the sexual nature of the licking. However, there are a couple of points that need to be made.

First, how is the licking perceived? Although some don't mind it there are clearly people in the video that are visibly upset and pissed off, not to mention the guy in the gif posted. The guy licking people might not be getting a sexual thrill from the act but the perception from some of those people looks like they're pissed off by it. They could easily perceive this as sexual in nature, regardless of camera.

Second, when is someone licking another person anything other than a sexual nature. Sure, some people may do that as a joke between friends occasionally but that's rare and infrequent. On the whole most times a tongue touches a body would be a sexual based thing and the places he licks people in this video could be perceived the same.

I don't know the right perspective on this but I'd apply an objective view on it. What if there was no camera there? Would that be sexual in nature? I'm sure it would be perceived as such. In that case I'd suggest this is a sexual assault.

[–]ozziegt 4 points5 points ago

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Even if it's not sexual assault it's still assault.

[–]fefo21 0 points1 point ago

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Sexual assault or not aside... he should be charged for potentially spreading disease and exposing people to other peoples germs.

I wonder if he has a girlfriend that will kiss him when he gets back home.

[–]Jackker 0 points1 point ago

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I thought it came seriously close to sexual assault/harassment several times though, even if the victims didn't mind.

Also, upskirt (almost). ಠ_ಠ

Don't you look at me funny!

[–]BurningLed 1 point2 points ago

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I like how he hit all of the ladies and the only one who noticed he did it was the unlicked one next to them.

[–]pyrotechie83 -1 points0 points ago

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Why is it sexual harassment? Would it have been different if he would have used his hand? I didn't realize tongue = sex.

[–]valleyman86 1 point2 points ago

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Bodily fluids... Its gotta be something.

[–]anklemeat 1 point2 points ago

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Spitting on someone isn't sexual harassment that I know of...

[–]mad_disciple 0 points1 point ago

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If a guy goes up and strokes a girls/guys leg/bum/shoulder it could easily be sexual harassment, why is licking not? Also, surely the camera just allows for this to be acceptable, I don't think it is, in increasing amounts.

[–]mad_disciple 0 points1 point ago

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Some clearly did, such a one with a costume who had his arm(pit?) licked. He was not a happy bunny!

[–]rawlyn -5 points-4 points ago

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I really don't like being touched. Even more so by strangers. Even more so with their tongues.

If someone licked me like that, I'd do my damnedest to have them nicked for assault. You can't go doing that shit to other people - it's a complete invasion.

[–]Tytru 8 points9 points ago

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Where are you I want a lick

[–]jennaberry 11 points12 points ago

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You're just no fun

[–]tomhodgins 4 points5 points ago

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I also reckon, with my vast powers of observation and deduction, that I would probably NEVER see you at a Pride Parade in the first place.

When you go to an event like that, getting licked by a stranger isn't out-of-the-question and you have to know that going in.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Can't believe you're getting so many downvotes, this is fucking insane.

[–]theghostofme 8 points9 points ago

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It takes a lot to make flamboyant drag queens looked shocked.

He managed to find many ways to do just that.

[–]leHCD 11 points12 points ago

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All I can think about watching that video is how unhygienic it all is...

[–]IkirysAtWork 10 points11 points ago

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huh. Never seen someone get herpes before.

[–]MollyNo-Longer 1 point2 points ago

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Bleh. And hepatitis. Licking toilets of any kind is not that great an idea, but a public port-a-potty is really bad.

[–]BlueBusDriver 4 points5 points ago

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He's a serial lickest.

[–]maxxspeed 2 points3 points ago

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It was pretty funny until the outhouse scene. Then I cut it off quick. I just ate breakfast.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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good thinking, because you could totally see he left a clean spot

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Hilarious. I can only dream to one day be wise enough to adopt his Zen like philosophy of licking strangers.

[–]ramm 1 point2 points ago

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TIL. There are a shit ton of hot chicks at gay pride events!

[–]ClemsonPoker 4 points5 points ago

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They're called lesbians.

[–]cactus_rape 1 point2 points ago

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[–]polynomials 0 points1 point ago

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Hmm...I suppose there is an argument for sexual assault here...but for some reason I am just not thinking of this as a sexual act. Its definitely something that will make a person possibly extremely uncomfortable, but there are lots of things that make people uncomfortable. The fact that he uses his tongue seems insufficient to call it sexual...probably the absurd dancing is what does it. So...kudos to this guy as one of the most dedicated trolls out there. What really creeps me out is the people who don't notice.

[–]nomis_nehc 0 points1 point ago

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I am so scared.

[–]yufice 0 points1 point ago

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Why did I and What the fuck did i just watch the whole thing

[–]slash_r_slash_trees 0 points1 point ago

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[–]wulululululuu 12 points13 points ago

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Why? Because of his huge dick?

[–]pyrotechie83 4 points5 points ago

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That's why I want to meet him.

[–]Centorz 11 points12 points ago

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"I wanna meet that Dad!"

[–]maxxspeed 45 points46 points ago

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I think his name is "Hugh Dick".

[–]lionelboydjohnson 0 points1 point ago

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Gotta love you Americans with your double entendre silliness.

[–]paradoksikal 8 points9 points ago

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Slurp "You taste like lullabies."

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points ago

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I heard about 'planking'. I thought how silly. I heard about 'cone-ing'. I thought, how stupid. Now, I can only hope 'balding' becomes an Internet craze. It would be incredibly hilarious to see videos (and gifs) from around the world in which bald men had their heads, in public, licked by strangers. Am I wrong?

[–]Neebat 7 points8 points ago

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I'd have to shave my head, because I sure ain't licking someone else's.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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This implies you've gone planking and cone-ing.

[–]Potchi79 2 points3 points ago

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So wait, you're going to lick your own bald head?

[–]Neebat 2 points3 points ago

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If I had that tongue...

[–]Potchi79 1 point2 points ago

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You just imagined yourself licking your own johnson, didn't you?

[–]Neebat 1 point2 points ago

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No. I was picturing myself in a 1980's rockband with makeup on my face.

[–]snarr 0 points1 point ago

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Upvoted for johnson

[–]quinbot 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Potchi79 1 point2 points ago

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[–]gbimmer 2 points3 points ago

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You go first. We're right behind you.

[–]pyrotechie83 2 points3 points ago

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I have a few bald friends. I'm going to start licking them.

[–]jiffwaterhaus 1 point2 points ago

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You'll really love this then.

[–]BaconChapstick 0 points1 point ago

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I just searched up coneing. Funniest thing I have ever seen.

[–]12characters 0 points1 point ago

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My shiny bald head is off-limits, you freaks.

[–]ThaSentinel 21 points22 points ago

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Quite the appropriate shirt.

[–]dudeitzchris 14 points15 points ago

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In Soviet Russia, huge dick licks you.

[–]4nonymo 6 points7 points ago

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As a bald man, this scares me.

[–]ThankYouDriveThrough 0 points1 point ago

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As a non-bald man, this scares me.

[–]d4rkstryder 13 points14 points ago

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You want to meet a guy that licks sweat off of random people?

[–]wbeavis 8 points9 points ago

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Depends, what does he charge?

[–]metaphase 9 points10 points ago

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There's another one where he licks a girl, so much funnier.

[–]theabacus 37 points38 points ago

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[–]SplurgyA 14 points15 points ago

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"What?!"

[–]theabacus 2 points3 points ago

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She was to tannedtalizing for him to resist.

[–]pyrotechie83 1 point2 points ago

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Orange you glad we got to see it online?

[–]oldaccount 8 points9 points ago

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That is not the same guy. The guy on the OP gif was a huge dick. This guys is just creepy.

[–]metaphase 1 point2 points ago

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The, WHAT?! is the funniest moment hahaha

[–]AdrenalineAddict 2 points3 points ago

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Hopefully someone will be filming the day he gets dick punched.

[–]madmanmunt 2 points3 points ago

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If you wanna meet him, you should make haste, cuz somebody is gonna kill him after one of these stunts.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]pyrotechie83 0 points1 point ago

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I guess anything passes for sexual assault these days...

[–]KikoSoujirou 5 points6 points ago

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and punch him in the face?

[–]dethbunny 11 points12 points ago

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I wanna see that guy get arrested.

[–]xthree 2 points3 points ago

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He should take his mugshot with his tongue sticking out.

[–]staanje 5 points6 points ago

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The writing 'Huge Dick', on his shirt just topped it off

[–]raggistan[S] 11 points12 points ago

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forever a troll

[–]BHSPitMonkey 12 points13 points ago

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[–]raggistan[S] -2 points-1 points ago

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haha

[–]TheWhyOfFry 4 points5 points ago

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forever a repost.

[–]screeching_weasel 1 point2 points ago

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He's licking his way through your circle of friends. Take a number.

[–]iSmokeTheXS 1 point2 points ago

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I just want to see him get caught and see how he reacts.

[–]hillgiant 1 point2 points ago

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At first I thought he rubbed his beard on the dude, which I think just makes it worse.

[–]norsurfit 1 point2 points ago

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That shiny bald head was practically crying out for a lickin'

[–]nagual20 1 point2 points ago

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His name is Jon Finerty, my friend used to work with him. Here's more: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/994b1e38e5/handjob-protest-song-from-jonathan-fin

[–]avrus 0 points1 point ago

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[–]brad0022 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ididntchoosetobehere 1 point2 points ago

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Young Hannibal Lector scouts a victim.

[–]meridious3 1 point2 points ago

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He looks like a huge dick

[–]jamescagney 1 point2 points ago

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I read somewhere that he's a huge dick.

[–]Deuteronjeremy 1 point2 points ago

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I warned him he'd get hooked licking sunscreen

[–]somewhatreticent 1 point2 points ago

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I don't want to meet him, but I'd sort of like to see what would happen if he did that to Howie Mandel.

[–]genetru 1 point2 points ago

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Dana White?

[–]uriman 10 points11 points ago*

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[–]crulwhich 18 points19 points ago

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I'd give you an upvote if each one of those were a different repost.

[–]101Airborne 5 points6 points ago

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wtf i dont

[–]MrTurkle 1 point2 points ago

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I don't want to meet anyone who has something "witty" on their tee shirt.

[–]akronpunk41 0 points1 point ago

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sexual assault is funny!

[–]sunsoutgunsout 1 point2 points ago

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not sure if serious

[–]redgamut 3 points4 points ago

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Sexual? Really?

[–]xplosivo 0 points1 point ago

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Now he knows what Dana White's head tastes like.

[–]SoCalDan 2 points3 points ago

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Like Chuck Liddell's balls?

[–]uncleswithbenefits 0 points1 point ago

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Why would you want to meet a guy just because he had his head licked?

[–]rafuzo2 0 points1 point ago

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The reaction of the guy on the right is priceless.

[–]the1theonlyfstone 0 points1 point ago

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That 'tuna' sandwich you got for lunch- cat food.

[–]trevorfiasco 0 points1 point ago

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The guy that got licked looks exactly. like. me. o__O

[–]BurningLed 2 points3 points ago

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-lick-

[–]MuEtaJenkins 0 points1 point ago

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[–]PipingHotSoup 0 points1 point ago

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You can read his lips: "...back of my head?"

[–]IWannaBeTheGuy 0 points1 point ago

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I wanna be this guy.

[–]DRbamboozled 0 points1 point ago

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Why? Because he licks heads?

[–]shlongadong 0 points1 point ago

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what if that was YOUR dad?

[–]PEILAM 0 points1 point ago

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he would wear that shirt

[–]atucker88 0 points1 point ago

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his shirt is just the cherry on top

[–]Jonesgrieves 0 points1 point ago

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You'll be in for a big surprise.

[–]Buglet91 0 points1 point ago

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Oh his shirt, I found his shirt to be the funniest part simply because it's so appropriate for this!

[–]superanth 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, I think he won that bet.

[–]wolfman863 0 points1 point ago

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repost

[–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point ago

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Why would you want to meet him? Do you have some sort of fetish about strange men licking your head?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Here is a video of his half cousin on the subway http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-1lao5UUac

[–]Vcookie 0 points1 point ago

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I liked his shirt.

[–]rataxes11 0 points1 point ago

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Lickitung used Lick.

He suuuuuuuure did.

[–]pschic_powers 0 points1 point ago

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He is a complete asshole. I know him... Don't bother. Seriously. He was funny for a minute. Then he shit all over the friends that supported and helped him...

[–]garbledina 0 points1 point ago

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So does his shirt state that he is a huge dick, or that he has a huge dick?

[–]NeOnD 0 points1 point ago

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Gross

[–]Parkimedes 0 points1 point ago

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Really, you want to meet him? Are you a man or woman?

[–]mateobus 0 points1 point ago

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I happen to know this dude. He is an amateur comedian and does stand up in Chicago. I've attended his shows, and he's hilarious. Interested in an AMA?

[–]baeb66 0 points1 point ago

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Truth in advertising.

[–]headlicker 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Marscet 0 points1 point ago

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Nah you don't, he's a huge dick

[–]juic3 0 points1 point ago

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Are you serious? I don't want to be anywhere near that guy.

[–]shaubugyk 0 points1 point ago

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that's a pretty accurate shirt

[–]1od1 0 points1 point ago

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i loved his shirt.

[–]RYuukiG 0 points1 point ago

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so he can lick you?

[–]douchebag_karren 0 points1 point ago

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He looks like Warren from season six of buffy

[–]highforchai 0 points1 point ago

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DAE notice that his shirt says "HUGE DICK"?

[–]lunch72 0 points1 point ago

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T-shirt Idea achievement unlocked.

[–]WHOWANTSBEEF 0 points1 point ago

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Really? I sure as don't

[–]beatvox 0 points1 point ago

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Nice....one day we'll see a post: Guy licking for a prank gets hit in the face and dies because his head snapped back

[–]akrams1 0 points1 point ago

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this has been posted before and made it to the front page the first time. if i weren't so lazy i'd go out and find it. maybe someone can help we with this...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Huge dick.

[–]borednessman 0 points1 point ago

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So, you want to be licked by a huge dick.

[–]lojiks 0 points1 point ago

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ofcourse you do, huge vagina

[–]schugi 0 points1 point ago

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The shirt says it all.

[–]collectiveofanimals 0 points1 point ago

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he appears to be trippin balls

[–]Jonah_Whale 0 points1 point ago

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His shirt should say "HUGE DICK" rather than "HUGE COCK".

[–]shortyjacobs 1 point2 points ago

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Ummm....it does.

[–]visplaneoverflow -3 points-2 points ago

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Good god those parades are disgusting.

[–]pyrotechie83 1 point2 points ago

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You should see what we do with each other AFTER the parades.

[–]youra6 -1 points0 points ago

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Lolli pop lolli pop lalala la LEEEE pop LOLLI POP..... badum dumm dumm

[–]LajGig -1 points0 points ago

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why? thats stupid