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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]MegainPhoto 217 points218 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]DrMonkeyLove 108 points109 points ago

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Which apparently for some reason feels the need to change the size of my browser?

[–]Nickoladze 55 points56 points ago

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Sounds like somebody needs to upgrade to Google Chrome.

[–]DrMonkeyLove 76 points77 points ago

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I'm happy with Firefox, thank you. I'd consider that a lateral move.

[–]buo 104 points105 points ago

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Edit -> Preferences -> Content -> Enable JavaScript (click on Advanced button) -> deselect "Allow scripts to move or resize existing windows".

[–]ShamanSTK 9 points10 points ago

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That's some hot shit right there.

[–]spensaur 9 points10 points ago

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Or in Firefox4 w/out chrome: Firefox->Options->Content Tab-> Enable JavaScript (click on Advanced button) -> deselect "Allow scripts to move or resize existing windows"

[–]DrMonkeyLove 13 points14 points ago

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Huh, wonder why that's not the default.

[–]yarnage 21 points22 points ago

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Because it's, unfortunately, part of the ECMA and HTML standards so you should be able to expect it to work unless someone has modified their system.

Terrible.

[–]phormality 1 point2 points ago

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The worst part is that it is a fixed width page so there is no benefit for it when it expands out across the screen.

[–]samiblam 20 points21 points ago

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Cool, thanks.

Did anyone contact [John McMonigle](mailto:info@mcmoniglegroup.com?subject=Request from Portabello.com for password.) for a password for the "View Layout" feature?

[–]Andyrew 49 points50 points ago

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nautilus06

[–]SchieveZot 2 points3 points ago

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nice, it works

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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LOL, fuck that guy.

[–]Uriniass 28 points29 points ago

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I didn't know the mushroom business was booming like that.

[–]MadCowWithMadCow 1 point2 points ago

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Those on mushrooms usually are booming.

[–]joshwoodward 12 points13 points ago

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For such an insanely expensive estate with an Italian name, you'd think they'd at least take 2 minutes to run it past a speaker of the language. "Portabella".

[–]sweetcommunist 1 point2 points ago

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I was wondering why the adjective and noun genders didn't match, and I don't even speak Italian. Come on, people-who-named-this-place!

[–]godsdog23[S] 6 points7 points ago

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thanks, really I have this photo as wallpaper but I didn't know where is it

[–]KNVB 18 points19 points ago*

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This estate is about 15 minutes from where I live. It's in Newport Beach. I've shown many people the front of the house. It's incredible.

edit. I'm going to take a picture of the front of the house and show you how crazy it is.

[–]theineffablebob 30 points31 points ago

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WHere rthe fuck is the picture

[–]icedtia 2 points3 points ago

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This was my experience looking through that gallery:

"Oh my gosh, they have a whole lagoon."

"Shit, it's massive."

"OMG it's RIGHT on the beach!"

"Oh. My. God. It has a classic car garage. And a mall. And a theater. And a bowling alley. WHAT THE FUCK."

"WATER SLIDE!!!"

[–]chizzle 2 points3 points ago

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You know a house is nice when it has a whole fucking website.

[–]elvisliveson 1 point2 points ago

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fuck. a house that has it's own multimedia website.

[–]jun2san 1 point2 points ago

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Anybody know the password to view the interactive layout?

[–]blatant-disregard 2 points3 points ago

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ahemnautilus06ahem

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points ago

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"Someone" = every real estate agent with Photoshop

[–]getthefuckoutofhere 37 points38 points ago

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LOOK HOW THIS HOUSE WOULD LOOK IF IT WERE DUSK

AND YOUR EYES COULD SEE IN HDR

[–]argv_minus_one 44 points45 points ago

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My eyes can see in HDR. ಠ_ಠ

[–]darkf 1 point2 points ago

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IT WILL MAKE YOUR WHITES WHITER AND YOUR BRIGHTS BRIGHTER!

[–]ThisIsNotRelevant 4 points5 points ago

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Still, It is a pretty impressive house.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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If we apply the hipster filter after the real estate filter, does that get us pretty close to reality?

[–]fictional_one 2 points3 points ago

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[–]ecrw 2 points3 points ago

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Looks like they found the HDR slider :|

[–]rromanchuk 41 points42 points ago*

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I've stayed there for a week when I was in college. Mutual friend, fantastic family. Unfortunately, they sold it. Fun fact, crazy Worldcom Broadcom CEO used to live next door.

Edit: Broadcom, not Worldcom. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Nicholas

Edit2: This photo doesn't give the house justice. I'll try to post the pictures (and videos) I have that don't include people.

[–]rromanchuk 21 points22 points ago

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There were some good cars to learn how to drive manual :)

http://imgur.com/9Q01P

[–]candyman420 35 points36 points ago

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it must be hard to drive with that black box over your face

[–]RedditTr0ll 9 points10 points ago

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it must be hard to see with inverted color syndrome

[–]skydivingdutch 1 point2 points ago

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Z8?

[–]alsimone 1 point2 points ago

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Bill McGowan?

[–][deleted] 504 points505 points ago

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I don't even know what to say. I'd fuck that house so hard

[–][deleted] 178 points179 points ago

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I dunno...it'd probably be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway

[–]24hourdelivery 159 points160 points ago

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a hallway that leads to a fucking courtyard with palm trees and a pool

[–]monkeyvselephant 67 points68 points ago

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a hallway that leads to a fucking courtyard with palm trees and a pools

Don't cheapen the moment

[–]jonathan5150 27 points28 points ago

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a hallway that leads to a fucking courtyard with palm trees and pools.

Don't cheapen your proper grammar.

[–]MitchsLoveSmilyFaces 24 points25 points ago

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It would probably be like throwing a penis down a hallway.

[–]SexySorcerer 1 point2 points ago

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That is actually a lot more fun than you would expect. I highly recommend it as a recreational activity.

[–]why_hello_there 1 point2 points ago

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Ever thrown a toothpick into a volcano ?

[–]UberSeoul 1 point2 points ago

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I dunno...it'd probably be more like fucking a house.

[–]vandykjd 15 points16 points ago

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Me too, I would be like this to that house.

[–]iFrostyB 1 point2 points ago

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saw this a few months ago, i still just don't get it.

[–]Sarah_Connor 1 point2 points ago

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So considering that she shall never get pregnant from making love to that piece of the Golden Gate bridge... does that make it a Bridge over Frigid waters???

[–]Gambit1022 39 points40 points ago

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yeah, I'd do it.

[–]tytotabuki 35 points36 points ago

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Then I call sloppy thirds.

[–]double1 47 points48 points ago

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What the fuck, I'll take flappy fourths on this bitch.

[–]Killshot78 29 points30 points ago

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Funky ass fifths.

[–]Argheyegee 10 points11 points ago

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I would plunge its big green whole sixth

[–]MosaicM80 20 points21 points ago

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Dibs on nasty nineteenths!

[–]Tannerlicious 7 points8 points ago

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Torn-up twentieths.

[–]ittehbittehladeh 6 points7 points ago

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You should be able to cut in line because it's your reddit birthday!

[–]pmac135 7 points8 points ago

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DAT FOUNDATION

[–]KMFDM781 33 points34 points ago

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I'd pee in this house's butt.

[–]filipstine 10 points11 points ago

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i wanna take this house to the back of the middle school and get it pregnant.

[–]tyranasaurussex 61 points62 points ago

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remember when there use to be porn porn

[–]Bladez 30 points31 points ago

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You mean with like, people?! Weird.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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House porn is porn about houses.

Porn porn is porn about porn.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Gone too deep!

[–]Xian_G 4 points5 points ago

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Hey, I love that movie "Gone too Deep: Underground Sluts"

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Hipster porn of choice.

[–]r4gnar0k 21 points22 points ago

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I didn't see Hugh Laurie anywhere in this photo.

[–]chuckDontSurf 9 points10 points ago

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Or Cuddy. :-(

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Or Olivia Wilde.

[–]MortalFarmer 108 points109 points ago

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Fuck that, imagine coming home pissed. Fall in a pool think WTF then fall in a pool again and drown and I'm dead.

No thanks.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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Because you just got the electric bill.

[–]henstep 21 points22 points ago

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He means lashed

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Gemini4t 20 points21 points ago

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He means shitfaced.

[–]test_alpha 27 points28 points ago

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Why would you smear shit on your own face?

[–]tinfins 16 points17 points ago

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He means wasted.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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Why would someone who has such a nice house be wasteful?

[–]plusimhungryforshit 9 points10 points ago

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He means hammered

[–]HipsterAsShit 17 points18 points ago

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Why would someone want to be hit with a hammer?

[–]amaefm 2 points3 points ago

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Because people at the party were using slang you didn't understand and you felt left out.

[–]chuckDontSurf 6 points7 points ago

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I'd take my chances.

[–]lilhurt38 6 points7 points ago

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Come home with a entourage of girls because you're filthy rich and take turns having sex with every one of them. FTFY

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This is the same kind of rationalization you do when a chick is so unreachably hot that you complain it would be no fun because the sex would be over in 30 seconds.

[–]jamzzz 133 points134 points ago

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[–]noweezernoworld 64 points65 points ago

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Is it weird that I expected a drawing of one home having sex with another?

[–]crashjames 19 points20 points ago

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No I thought the same this is reddit

[–]seanbyram 5 points6 points ago

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I expected Wilson to be catching.

[–]railmaniac 46 points47 points ago

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Shit he's looking right at you!

[–]the_walrus_was_ringo 10 points11 points ago

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With those dreamy eyes... swoon

[–]NavyBiscuit 7 points8 points ago

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It's more like "I'm coming for you because it's never lupus."

[–]mobyhead1 18 points19 points ago

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OK, now that's what I was expecting from that headline.

[–]Sarah_Connor 9 points10 points ago

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I almost cane.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Uhm, do you have more?

[–]Sacharified 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Sc2RuinedMyLife 1 point2 points ago

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ok NOT what i was expecting

[–]munchybot 1 point2 points ago

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The only reason I checked out the comments section was to see if this would be here.

[–]gdrydenc 41 points42 points ago

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I read "Horse Porn"... Very confused.

[–][deleted] 69 points70 points ago

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BUT YOU STILL CLICKED YOU FILTHY BASTARD!

[–]Spongetoe 13 points14 points ago

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i'm pretty disappointed too

[–]bottom_of_the_well 21 points22 points ago

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As an older married guy, I can only think about how long it takes to maintain the nice look.

[–]AimlessArrow 21 points22 points ago

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If you can afford the house, you can afford the Mexican ladies to keep it clean (and possibly cheat on your wife with).

You don't buy a car if you can't afford gas.

[–]bottom_of_the_well 1 point2 points ago

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As an american when you say that I think "How many slaves it takes to maintain the plantation."

[–]fungwahbus 9 points10 points ago

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Can we create a subreddit for house porn? I think its such an intriguing subject, many would subscribe. Any one else like this idea?

Edit: Should have checked before posting, but I guess there is one... /r/houseporn. Not very many posts or readers though...ಠ_ಠ

[–]WaterFireAirAndDirt 8 points9 points ago

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New Minecraft idea

[–]nihilanth41 1 point2 points ago

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This was my first thought.

[–]DrZippy 26 points27 points ago

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It's only 75 million if you want to live there.

[–]ThisNameIsOriginal 28 points29 points ago

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How could such an expensive house have such a shitty video.

[–]mr_jim_lahey 134 points135 points ago

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Does your house have a video?

[–]instantresponse 91 points92 points ago

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Fuck off, Lahey.

[–]johnq-pubic 15 points16 points ago

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Lahey's trailer home has had a lot of video.

[–]indierockclimber 1 point2 points ago

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careful boys, could be a samsquanch!

[–]harumpf 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]penciledin 12 points13 points ago

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For a second I thought "ahh damnit! that's so much less! I totally missed out!" ... Then I realized that's still a shit ton of money and thought about how poor I am for a while.

[–]johnq-pubic 14 points15 points ago

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I'm going to put an offer down, can I get 74,999,999 redditors to donate $1 each ?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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I will donate 500 bucks if I can have a couch on the porch and can come inside when it rains

[–]johnq-pubic 6 points7 points ago

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Done. All we need is another 150,000 couch surfers.

[–]Asseyes 11 points12 points ago

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That seems outrageous until you consider the net worths of the richest people in the world. Carlos Slim could buy 986 of these houses while Bill Gates has to make do with only 746.

Yep...

[–]rromanchuk 7 points8 points ago

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The family built it for 90 :(

[–]timster 8 points9 points ago

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It seriously cost 90m to build? Holy smokes. Losing 55m on it must sting, regardless of how rich you are.

[–]bhrgunatha 1 point2 points ago

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Now I know what I'm doing with my next 100 million or so.

[–]aphomet 8 points9 points ago

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Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

[–]ChaChaBolek 1 point2 points ago

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I still jerk off manually

[–]excaliburxvii 64 points65 points ago

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FUCKING SUPER RICH PEOPLE

[–]ReallyAmazingPersUN 26 points27 points ago

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its the only type i Fuck...

[–]fuckdapopo 2 points3 points ago

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that's why you're a virgin amirite

[–]DrAnachronist 6 points7 points ago

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I would do terrible, terrible things to get to live here.

[–]EllaL 10 points11 points ago

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I actually just made r/ArchitecturePorn. Please submit this!

[–]PostPostModernism 7 points8 points ago

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r/archiporn already exists.

[–]chuckDontSurf 28 points29 points ago

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Oh, I thought that was Archbishop porn, which is why I'd been ignoring it. Now that I now what it stands for, I'll check it out.

[–]PostPostModernism 5 points6 points ago

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Ahh, no no, you're thinking of Archporn, without that middle 'i'. A common mistake. It makes for a lot of unfortunate crossposts.

[–]semantic_satiation 10 points11 points ago

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We had a post-Winter Formal party in that house when I was a sophomore in high school. If you look at the bottom floor you can see a two lane bowling alley (there's a mirror that makes it look wider) that we rolled a few games on. This picture doesn't even start to show off the amenities of the house (private theater, huge vintage car collection, faux mall stocked with all sorts of boutique items).

[–]poubelle 9 points10 points ago

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The gallery has pictures of that stuff. The weird fake mall is... weird.

[–]stfuirl 5 points6 points ago

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There is indeed a r/houseporn. Sadly it has 14 subscribers.

[–]scottperezfox 5 points6 points ago

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... and just like human porn, that shit is way over the top, packed with all sorts of artificialities and clever, computer-enhanced lighting. I prefer a more humble setting.

[–]cunnilinguslover 9 points10 points ago

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I'd like to check out its back door, if you know what I mean.

[–]ladron121 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah, it probably leads to the kitchen or laundry room or something. That would be awesome.

[–]nympheas 37 points38 points ago

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Does anyone else find this house unappealing? It looks like a nice hotel for a tropical getaway, but I prefer my homes more lived-in and cozy feeling.

[–]bartleby 13 points14 points ago

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I agree with you. There's a sterility of luxury to this house that, as you described, is common in hotels. It has a California-style heartlessness to it.

I'd have fun staying there for a couple of nights, but I would never want to live there. And that's not just sour grapes -- I can identify tons of funky urban lofts, cozy Alaskan lodges, and classic brownstones that I'd fawn over and rather live in than this.

[–]rooktakesqueen 7 points8 points ago

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This place would be a great super-rich bed and breakfast kind of deal. I can't fathom actually living there permanently.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

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I'm pretty sure I could manage living there

[–]Phallic 24 points25 points ago

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I think this could be one of those things where you'd discover a huge gulf between fantasy and reality.

I just watched the documentary "Lucky", about lottery winners, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot. There's one guy in that doco whose persistent fantasy while buying lottery tickets was to own a Lamborghini. He absolutely loved them.

When he actually won, however, he soon realised that no Lamborghini would be able to make it up his steep, rocky drive and that he didn't really want to move away from his neighbours. 6 months later he bought a Volvo and the Lambo never came to pass.

When you see a picture like this house you think "Oh my God" and the initial impression is that living there would be amazing. Sure, for the first week or so you could throw huge parties for everyone you've ever met and everyone would be suitably wowed, but then what?

You'd probably end up using one bedroom, one kitchen and one lounge area to hang out, out of convenience and habit. There would probably be large sections of the house you'd never even walk through on a weekly basis, and pretty soon, in my mind at least, the place would feel like a massive pain to maintain when I didn't use most of it anyway. When the glitter faded, I think living in a place like that would just feel excessive and unnecessary.

Just my 2 cents.

[–]pr0nster 4 points5 points ago

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You realize there is a good chance that this may be just one of many homes the owner lives in, right? Some people with homes like this only live in them several months out of the year...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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It'll be difficult, but I'll try my best.

[–]ridethelightning 3 points4 points ago

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And do you ridethelightning take this house, to have and to hold, through richer and poorer, through sickness and in health, till the day you die?

I DO.

[–]DoctorPopular 3 points4 points ago

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I read this as "house OF porn" and clicked the pic expecting to see various hot sex going on in the pools, verandas, under the palm trees, etc. Shit.

[–]Honestly_ 2 points3 points ago

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I want to have its house-baby!

[–]nicktherat 2 points3 points ago

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brink?

[–]Navae26 2 points3 points ago

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is there a subreddit for that yet?

[–]Ghost29 2 points3 points ago

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I came.

[–]raynbec 2 points3 points ago

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I think this house was the Police station in The Fast and the Furious 2

[–]wellthatdoesit 2 points3 points ago

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What is that? Is that a house? That's a silly house.

[–]SMFishbone 2 points3 points ago

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[–]lag051183 2 points3 points ago

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That house has too much natural light. How are you supposed to start gaming when you wake up at noon?

[–]FANGO 2 points3 points ago

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Except that house is actually the most gaudy piece of crap ever. The only cool part is the pool in the middle, but even then it's sort of not cool, because it's a big plastic monstrosity.

Basically, though, the rest of the house looks like a hotel or something, and not in a good way. There's random stupid art everywhere, and the whole downstairs is a super-cheesy false street scene, with a fake café, fake movie theater (complete with ridiculously tiny projection screen which I would imagine is terrible), and fake jewelry store. The house is the biggest monument to terrible, gaudy, conspicuous consumption above all else that I've ever seen.

It was built by a guy who has a history of taking neat old houses and demolishing them and putting up faux-modern stucco pieces of crap and overcharging for them, and who wants to create a "Californian riviera" with all kinds of overpriced houses, and this is the cheesiest one of them. It went on the market like 4 years ago at like 70 million and now it's selling for less than half that and still hasn't found a buyer. Apparently people have more taste than I give them credit for, and I thank them for that.

And it even has a stupid name.

[–]FruitBeef 1 point2 points ago

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What happens when it rains?

[–]dethbunny 5 points6 points ago

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It never rains in Southern California.

[–]cuteman 2 points3 points ago

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it does occasionally, but mostly it s a light dew in the mornings

[–]bumchoda 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me of the house from Peter Sellers "The Party"

[–]puckhead 1 point2 points ago

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Some day, someone will be murdered in this house.

Hopefully it's in a movie.

[–]DespertaFerro 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like the architect is a fan of Gaudí

[–]bwillb 1 point2 points ago

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Oh cool they updated the graphics engine in Brink

[–]duffmanhb 1 point2 points ago

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That's from Newport Beach. I know the contractor who built that house. He said it was the most difficult task he ever completed. The two hardest parts were building the underground mall/basement in sand and ensuring NOTHING had an edge.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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To me, that is just gaudy looking.

[–]das_thorn 1 point2 points ago

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I came here looking for Olivia Wilde, and was disappointed.

[–]ArrestedForTrolling 1 point2 points ago

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Post this in r/houseporn as well so that subreddit can get official

[–]Giott 1 point2 points ago

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What a terrible house! Imagine all the screen glare you would get from all the lights.

[–]Japanties 1 point2 points ago

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Some people have Playboys stashed under their beds...and some people have Dwell.

[–]shazambo 1 point2 points ago

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whats wrong with me? I look at this and all I can think of is how long itd take me to clean it.

[–]BALTIM0R0N 1 point2 points ago

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Meh. Seems kind of impractical.

[–]dchi 1 point2 points ago

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That is a "single" house? im so glad shes available

[–]waskliewbt 1 point2 points ago

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This is Portabello Estate in CDM. its a bitchin house but its weird because its in a non gated community and actually not one of the most desirable beach spots in town. It look likes a completely normal hose from the road with the exception of the roof that really says something. meh. went there once while i still lived there.Wish i could have gone in. has a fake mall just to display your jewlry and collectibles and the garage is like a legit shop. no parking for entertaining either. i think thats why it was on the market for so long.

[–]Briighteyes16 1 point2 points ago

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We need a house porn subreddit.

[–]CriticalHippo 1 point2 points ago

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Wait, you call this "House porn" and it doesn't involve Olivia Wilde and Hugh Laurie? Not interested.

[–]ezalbrozar 1 point2 points ago

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"Someone just peed in your pool."

"Oh yeah? Which one?"

[–]867-5308 1 point2 points ago

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Speaking of porn, I'd be spending most of my free time hanging out under that bubble window of the upper pool and watching the gals above. It wouldn't be pathetic, because I'd be filthy rich.

[–]xoites 1 point2 points ago

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I don't need to live in or even be a guest in that house to be happy.

In fact i would go so far to say that a house like that would not have a chance of making me happy.

I would go so far to say that anyone who thinks a house like that would make them happy will never be happy.

[–]djepik 1 point2 points ago

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This looks like a Halo map.

[–]victore992 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe one day I'll be rich enough to buy one of those rocks.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Geaux 1 point2 points ago

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New subreddit please!!!

[–]sirgrrbrr 1 point2 points ago

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Consumership. Woohoo!

I think I'll build myself one of these mini houses. I can't be inside all day doing jackall. It'll force me to explore the world.

[–]kasmith2020 1 point2 points ago

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[–]stuffums 1 point2 points ago

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I think this counts as house porn as well:

http://i.imgur.com/tVhBE.jpg

[–]DreadPirateHenry 1 point2 points ago

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House rocks, but the HDR is painful.

[–]OMGBeez 1 point2 points ago

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I prefer something more strong and rugged... like this

[–]kmoneybts 1 point2 points ago

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Its cool, but with all the windows made of glass it would be pretty awkward to jerk off when you lived here.

[–]OnRocks 1 point2 points ago

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I'd make porn in that house any day.

[–]unclebender 1 point2 points ago

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[–]damngravity 1 point2 points ago

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I was going to say "fuck that I wouldn't want to maintain that and keep it clean"and then I realized the people who live in this kind of house don't clean their own anything.

[–]Cehrlichman 1 point2 points ago

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Total house porn!

[–]worddoc 1 point2 points ago

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My life is now meaningless. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

[–]evo3rs 1 point2 points ago

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Isn't that the house from Fast and Furious??

[–]mschiebold 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, that looks like the house that was in the Fast and the Furious.

[–]gregco3000 1 point2 points ago

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I think you meant "Porn House"