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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]duffman_oh_yeah 387 points388 points ago

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  • fast food bag = trash can
  • video games = long novels
  • mom's basement = castle

[–]toxicityj 112 points113 points ago*

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I live in a castle. It's majestic.

[–]necrophelia 63 points64 points ago

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You like what in a castle? A handsome set of turrets? A moat? I must know!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]UberAce 15 points16 points ago

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Yeah bro. Outdoor moats are so last year. Lame.

[–]stringaline 21 points22 points ago

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ancient hipster

[–]Jokrmein 29 points30 points ago

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Feudal hipsters.

[–]UberAce 15 points16 points ago

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I had chivalry before it was cool.

[–]Jokrmein 27 points28 points ago

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Yeah I've got the Noir plague. It's an import, kind of obscure. You probably haven't heard of it.

[–]Iggyhopper 4 points5 points ago

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Bronze age is so last year.

[–]stringaline 2 points3 points ago

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ah! i knew "ancient" was wrong. thanks for the ftfy.

[–]pyx 13 points14 points ago

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beer can = ashtray

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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McDonald's napkins = future toilet paper

[–]coveritwithgas 18 points19 points ago

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This is the only one that's made me feel fancy for never having sunk so low.

[–]hysro 3 points4 points ago

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You're not experiencing true bachelorhood

[–]pyx 9 points10 points ago

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toilet paper? don't you just shower after your poop?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Matlock_ 14 points15 points ago

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waffle stomping.

[–]skelfatron 3 points4 points ago

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McDonalds napkins are weird, there like, laminated or something. I doubt you could pull of a clean wipe with one of those bad boys.

[–]rufifi 635 points636 points ago

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I feel bad for relating to every single one.

[–]DelendaEst 157 points158 points ago*

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I feel bed for relating to every single one, minus the bachelor part :( edit: I feel quite BAD too, my bad. Should probably go to bed.

[–]EnragedByAquaFresh 211 points212 points ago

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De facto bachelor here with the wife travelling for a few weeks. Regression to nocturnal caveman status was achieved in <24 hours of alone time. Also, I haven't said a word outside of work for nigh on 7 days.

edit: I have spoken to the employees at Taco Bell twice in that week, so technically I have socialized, I guess. :\

[–]EtchSketch[!] 283 points284 points ago

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  • Talking to Taco Bell employees = Socialization

[–]sprucenoose 25 points26 points ago

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Restriction to those operations with online ordering capability is essential for full bachelor reversion.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]smokecat20 9 points10 points ago

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Talking to Taco Bell employees = Social Butterfly

FTFY

[–]alphanovember 1 point2 points ago

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Yerp, it is all there is for me when I have to go to class. Taco Bell in university campus center = win. Though I wish there was a McDonald's.

[–]Mybrainmelts 1 point2 points ago

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Going to best buy to surf the internet = computer time

[–]Klinky1984 1 point2 points ago

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[–]deadlyfalcon89 4 points5 points ago

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Relevant username.

[–]diamonddate 2 points3 points ago

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De facto bachelor here too. Wife doing a masters program on the opposite coast for the entire summer. It didn't take me long either. As it is, my clean laundry has been in the dryer for 5 days.

[–]Raz_Aquato 1 point2 points ago

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How long before you began masturbating openly to internet porn in your underwear?

[–]Frydafly 5 points6 points ago

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I feel beds.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You're living the dream. Usually you have to choose between relaxed cleanliness and sex.

[–]racergr 11 points12 points ago

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I feel just fine for relating to every single one, except the one with the socks which I did not get.

[–]gordigor 15 points16 points ago

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Spill something but to lazy to get off the couch, use the socks you took off.

[–]Mattius555 12 points13 points ago

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Took off?

[–]cherry_ghost 23 points24 points ago

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Fap socks my friend, fap socks...

[–]Provid3nce 7 points8 points ago

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If by bad you mean AWESOME, then I agree.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Don't feel bad man, it's a great honor to be a bachelor. Men who live and act just like their mothers aren't really men at all.

[–]trumann 7 points8 points ago

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Eating vegetables = acting like your mother?

[–]Tallanasty 5 points6 points ago

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Seriously...what is the point of ironing a shirt if you can just throw it in the dryer? Nice pants I can understand.

[–]lasagnarodeo 14 points15 points ago

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I have a hispanic friend who calls that the mexican iron.

[–]dannygoon 6 points7 points ago

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I worked with a mechanic originally from Cabo San Lucas who referred to adjustable wrenches (thumb wrench, crescent wrench, shifter) as "The Mexican Socket Set" and flip flops as "Mexican Safety Boots"

[–]starphish 3 points4 points ago

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I had a hispanic roommate that was a mechanic. He called himself "The Hispanic Mechanic". He had $50,000 of Snap-On tools though.

[–]poubelle 2 points3 points ago

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This is barely relevant, but I've heard of the denim-jacket/jeans combo described as a "Canadian Tuxedo".

[–]Hermeias 1 point2 points ago

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I feel bad cuz i just moved from student (bachelor) house, to house where those expectations are met. Winning.

[–]dbtc 121 points122 points ago

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I always eat at my desk

[–]Uncoolio 582 points583 points ago

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I don't understand people who confine their eating to tables. We invented plates to be portable tables. Plates are the wi-fi of eating. Embrace the technology.

[–]wheezyninja 77 points78 points ago

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you sir are a genius

[–]kaini 8 points9 points ago

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Just make all your food in taco form. Tacos are the 3G of tables.

[–]iamnotatroll 10 points11 points ago

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I relogged in (after having cleared my..err browsing history) to upvote you. Except for me paper towel= plate. And for wet/greasy stuff it's wax paper. Just don't micro in wax paper.

[–]Johanu 25 points26 points ago

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If you're buying a close relative some gifts, you should really use Incognito Mode in your browser, saves you the hassle of erasing your browsing history.

[–]robotnixon 14 points15 points ago

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I'm pretty sure I'm at a Santa Claus level of gift giving by now.

[–]tacoliquor 9 points10 points ago

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Hoe Hoe Hoes

[–]iamnotatroll 2 points3 points ago

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Oh I do enough giving alright.

[–]Cameleopard 3 points4 points ago

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I felt a great disturbance in the Force...as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

[–]Johnofthewest 2 points3 points ago

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I have a portable table thingy with a cushion on to fit on my lap.

[–]bureX 2 points3 points ago

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The revolution... it starts now, my friends!

No longer will we be confined to our kitchen walls, away from the comforting glow of our majestic computer screens, but we will thrive! We will thrive with our crumbs in our keyboards and our crusted up sauce drops on our desks! We will let our beverages slowly spill over our mouths and stream down our necks until we can feel their cool touch on our chests! We will feast, and we will be entertained! Unite! Hoorah!

[–]igeekone 2 points3 points ago

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It's mainly for socializing, but if you're alone then it's not needed. A dining table is a huge waste of space. They are only used a couple times a year.

[–]CaptainMeowMeow 41 points42 points ago*

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I don't understand why eating on your desk is frowned upon. I don't want to sit at the dinner table alone, looking at the wall feeling dumb. If I do actually eat at a table I'll eat faster so I can relax on my desk and get back to the internet. If I eat in front of my computer, I'll eat slower since I'm browsing the internet, I won't feel silly, I'll be happy and enjoying my meal. I have napkins on my desk, hand sanitizer and natural decomposing wipes to keep my desk clean.

[–]doombot813 36 points37 points ago

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Yeah, the wipes and napkins at your desk are for when you're eating ...

[–]CaptainMeowMeow 8 points9 points ago

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what else would they be for?

[–]illiterateninja 18 points19 points ago*

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Oh right, you're a cat. I'll explain. Humans can't lick their own genitalia so generally use something to wipe up after their done masturbaiting. I know its barbaric compared to your refined feline ettiquette, but please bear with us.

edit: like -> lick :(

[–]ItzInMyNature 3 points4 points ago

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I don't know where you learned this, but I do like my genitalia. So much so that I play with it every day.

[–]alphanovember 1 point2 points ago

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Just eat with one hand. Put all that fapping to use. I've already honed my single-hand-computing skills already anyway.

[–]aldld 1 point2 points ago

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How about the hand sanitizer?

[–]JimmyCrackCrack 12 points13 points ago

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Yeh, and also I don't like being away from the computer much I start shivering and feeling a little bit scared. Luckily I have a laptop so I can eat at a table which is transforms in to my desk until I take the laptop off and then it's my table again

[–]eyearena 3 points4 points ago

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Hey it's okay we can actually multitask. I'm actually to the point where I feel silly sitting and eating at my dinner table.

[–]saladpower 1 point2 points ago

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I always feel a tinge of guilt when I cook something really nice for dinner and start walking towards the living room to eat it, and turn into my room and sit at my desk instead. But the same thought goes through my mind every single time: "what is the point of sitting down and just eating when I could be getting something done at the same time?"

[–]manbra 1 point2 points ago

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So that's why you suck when we play BC2? Eating as we play?

[–]CaptainMeowMeow 2 points3 points ago

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hahaha - nah, i don't eat and play. more like watch shows and eat. then clean my desk, then play.

[–]johnnygrant 2 points3 points ago

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I eat at my bed

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

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Yeah, I wish my sink only had that many dishes in it.

[–]francis_goatman 6 points7 points ago

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Nope, you're not. It makes me wonder how "foul" my current lifestyle truly is.

[–]pandieburr 74 points75 points ago

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I would replace the pic of salt and pepper with hot sauce. That's all you really need...

[–]busted0201 26 points27 points ago

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Exactly, bottle of sriracha

[–]ajpilot22 9 points10 points ago

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Cock Sauce!

[–]lopl 7 points8 points ago

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Sriracha !

[–]impersonalbias 1 point2 points ago

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Or Tapatio. Or drawer of taco bell packets. Hem.

[–]JimmyCrackCrack 5 points6 points ago

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Did you know that in addition to Salt and Pepper there was until as late as the 1850's a 3rd shaker commonly found in most homes but somehow despite how recently people had this, there's no evidence to tell us what it was and nobody knows. Some people reckon it's powdered mustard. I want some of that in my kitchen just so I can be really hipster about it.

'Oh this seasoning? Yeh it's rather obscure you probably haven't heard of it, I use it on everything'

[–]AlmightyFuzz 2 points3 points ago

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Put Tobasco sauce on...puts on chef's hat grilled cheese.

[–]evitagen-armak 1 point2 points ago

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Sweet and sour sauce. mmmmm

[–]Golameister 1 point2 points ago

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Frank's Red Hot. I really do put that shit on everything.

[–]buddha89 134 points135 points ago

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what this needs is a beer can that is then equal to water.

[–]sexualSAVANT 181 points182 points ago

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Beer is always superior to water. I haven't drank water from a tap since 1985. My only intake of water is when I brush my teeth and I haven't done that since 1985 either.

[–]emptyvoices 43 points44 points ago

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Yeah, beer is like a whole meal.

[–]illegal_deagle 35 points36 points ago

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Wheat/barley is at the base of the food pyramid, correct?

[–]bebeschtroumph 18 points19 points ago

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It's a plate now.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Man cannot live by beer alone... or can he?

[–]away8907 2 points3 points ago

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18 lbs? Holy shit I just found my new diet.

[–]Ali_2m 2 points3 points ago

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You've got to be so fucking dehydrated

[–]soggy_cereal 8 points9 points ago

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You're my new favorite Redditor.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]orange_jooze 3 points4 points ago

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Nice one, soggy_cereal's dad!

[–]fawker 67 points68 points ago

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water? that stuff in the toilet?

[–]iishmael 31 points32 points ago

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water: fish fuck in it

[–]LikeABoss 14 points15 points ago

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This message is brought to you by Brawndo the thirst mutilator!

[–]flargenhargen 4 points5 points ago

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[–]millidooms 6 points7 points ago

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Yea, that stuff that doesn't have no ELECTROLYTES.

[–]Uncoolio 11 points12 points ago

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Or just a can of Miller High Life next to a bottle of champagne.

[–]emptyvoices 10 points11 points ago

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Well it is "the champagne of beers."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You bet your ass it is.

[–]SwirlStick 5 points6 points ago

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You can never trust the water. Beer is safer.

[–]joeflux 14 points15 points ago

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That is, btw, the whole reason that beer was invented.

[–]gimli666 1 point2 points ago*

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drinking water? like a fucking animals?! who does that?!!

[–]Nerdster 42 points43 points ago

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Hey, guy! Check out Mr Fancy over here with his pepper!

Salt is the only seasoning.

[–]NineteenthJester 13 points14 points ago

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[–]AngryafricanRW 41 points42 points ago

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My room is spotless.

In Minecraft.

[–]Rozzienlo 3 points4 points ago

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My room in minecraft has a prretty bad mushroom infestation.

[–]YeahIWillRapThat 150 points151 points ago

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I sleep on the couch 'cause my bed aint made

Burger King is better, you can have it your way

Cleaning apparently makes you look real gay

Ironing, heh, not even if I'm payed.

I smell like a dead buck with B.O.

Reddit with EasyMac? Ready to go!

Closets are for bitches and high class hos

The sink's still clean if it don't overflow

(Whoa Whoa, hold up, hold up)

Socks have many uses beyond their niche

Cleans the dirty mess that got on your hitch

Kept Lt. Dan's feet dry in a ditch.

Even polish off your knob, if there aint a bitch

(Word, now that we got that straight)

Microwaves are ovens with no knobs to turn

Meat is what a grown ass man yearns

They forgot Cayenne, for that "subtle" burn

Dishwashers and Cabinets: Hard to discern.

B.S., we brush our teeth (almost) every day

Men watch porn? What hearsay!

This shit was written by an uptight broad

Be it a sister, a girlfriend, of even a mom

While the bitches in the house might applaud

I hope the men in the house at least guffawed

[–]Plattast 15 points16 points ago

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Wish I had a dishwasher to leave my plates in.

[–]DelendaEst 57 points58 points ago

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Hey, this could be a bachelorette version too!

....right? :(

[–]pickledpepper 79 points80 points ago

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Pretty much. They just think we're neater and cleaner because we frantically shove our trash under the rug before they arrive.

[–]Shadoblak 41 points42 points ago

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Not my ex. She was proud of her messy apartment. She called it an obstacle course.

[–]evitagen-armak 53 points54 points ago

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Ex you say? Spits in hand and fix hair

[–]onecharmingschmuck 7 points8 points ago

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Hey! Take a number and get in line buddy. No seriously, we got a gangbang going on.

[–]itsnormal4us 13 points14 points ago

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Now that's what I call charming... Vol. 5!

[–]JimmyCrackCrack 51 points52 points ago

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No way! You can't fool us, we know that you keep your rooms painted pink and immaculately clean so you have room for your giggly make over sessions with the girls, where you call your girlfriends over and talk about boys and kissing and then maybe one of you suggests you practice kissing and you try once in a cute little peck, it feels a little bit weird at first but you know you also kind of like it. Then you try again this time concentrating a bit more, you feel a little bit nervous this time though but when you're old friend and companion's lips touch you can't help holding them there for a little longer this time. Suddenly you feel a tongue in your mouth that isn't yours, you're shocked but you don't seem to want it to stop. You pull on your friend's loose fitting nightgown just a little bit, you know just for a joke, she does the same but it goes just that little bit too far. Then your other friend who was watching everything nervously in the corner suddenly pulls a massive double sided dildo out of her bag and all you all have an amazing night but agree never to talk about until the next make over session and also that it doesn't make you lesbians because it was just a joke that got a little bit out of hand and you were just experimenting anyway.

And you don't fart

[–]AlmightyFuzz 12 points13 points ago

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Excuse me for a second, I need to go make use of the internet. I need to get rid of this... I mean research. I need to do some research. For science.

[–]orange_jooze 14 points15 points ago

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I think your writing style is familiar. I've seen it on some...literature websites.

[–]illiterateninja 3 points4 points ago

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No, they certainly do not fart.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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guys do that too. the mess you see when you arrive at a guy's place is their idea of clean, not an indication that they were too lazy to clean.

[–]eyearena 7 points8 points ago

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Yup all my shit gets thrown in the closet. I can always clean up within 15 minutes of someone arriving.

[–]trigen 10 points11 points ago

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the vegetables may have other, additional uses...

(a least, as a guy, thats what I've learned from "some" discussions here on reddit)

[–]reneemonet 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, yes it can. I am a bachelorette and I related to a few of them. My couch is my bed 90% of the time, even though I have a perfectly good bed & mattress.

[–]NothingReallyEnds 9 points10 points ago

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I've never bought salt. I have two kinds of pepper, though.

[–]NineteenthJester 5 points6 points ago

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[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I don't get it? It's just 8 pairs of identical pictures? What am I missing?

[–]squigglez 2 points3 points ago

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From most of the other comments that I see, it seems that we are some of the only bachelors around, I don't see any difference either. The non-bachelors must see something we don't.

[–][deleted] 139 points140 points ago

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well TIL i'm a 16 year old female foul bachelor

[–]toxicityj 241 points242 points ago

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you should probably get a new account and never reveal that information ever again. For your own safety

[–]AQUA2 4 points5 points ago

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Start a new life on an island with no internet access

[–]AmIKawaiiUguuu 120 points121 points ago

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CHAAAARGE

[–]wheezyninja 26 points27 points ago

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It's a trap!

[–]misfitlove 67 points68 points ago

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why hello there baby

[–]pillage 50 points51 points ago

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to young pull out!

[–]Simnol 53 points54 points ago

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Not, in the UK!

[–]jamie1414 21 points22 points ago

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You, sir are correct.

[–]contrary-wise 11 points12 points ago

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Or Australia.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Kerblaaahhh 15 points16 points ago

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Or most US states.

[–]Fenris_uy 18 points19 points ago

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Hello there Mr Hansen, how is the weather in Connecticut?

[–]Simnol 10 points11 points ago

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How you doin.

[–]Shadoblak 2 points3 points ago

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Best Friend's 17 year old sister related to more of these than me.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Nawara_Ven 27 points28 points ago

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By your speech impediment.

[–]aalabrash 9 points10 points ago

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Last one got me.

[–]twitch135 10 points11 points ago

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Its posts like this that inspire an 'Operation:Sort Your Life Out' that lasts for maybe 2 days before I fall back into the same pattern. I mean, housework is hard.

[–]fatalerrrpr 25 points26 points ago

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My eyes lit up when I saw the ironing board and I thought, other people do that too?

[–]hunterg567 47 points48 points ago

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I was actually unaware that people still ironed their clothing. I thought they just threw them in the dryer for a few minutes...

[–]Jigsus 6 points7 points ago

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You've gone too far man! Snap out of it!

[–]Pravusmentis 3 points4 points ago

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I just ignored that one because I refuse to believe that anybody not even has a clothes iron, but also uses it. It helps me sleep at night.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I own an iron and use it frequently.

[–]AlyoshaV 16 points17 points ago

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Somebody add a vacuum = doctor

Bachelor? Yeah, maybe.
Disgusting?? Oh fuck yeah.

I've had a boil on my taint for a few days and its been bugging the fuck out of me. It hurt to sit, it hurt to shit, it hurt to do a lot of things.

I tried scrubbing the area with alcohol, and then poking a pin through it, but it wasn't working. First squatting over a mirror and then propping the mirror up on a hamper full of dirty laundry.
I tried the boiling bottle technique, but I don't think I was patient enough.

So, today I had a great idea. I got out the antiseptics, and disinfectants, and the alcohol, and the vacuum. Its a Hoover wind tunnel since someone will ask.

The first shot I didn't quite get it centred where I wanted it but it was still over the mark. Even though it was on that spot for maybe half a second there was still evil juices flowing from my taint. When I got it centred properly, and left it for several seconds I could practically feel the magic as the juices were flowing from my body and into the vacuum hose, coating the inside of it. I'm going to have a hard time making my vacuum not look like a crime scene. But relief is upon me!!

[–]somestranger26 25 points26 points ago

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Wow, wtf did I just read.

[–]Wormhog 3 points4 points ago

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I think this is a Chuck Palahniuk story that ends badly. Maybe he did respond to the AMA.

[–]itsfloppy 5 points6 points ago

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I used to show apartments to future potential occupants and the majority of them were occupied. 99% of the boys/bachelors apartments were spotless. The girls are the slobs. I couldn't believe the filth.

[–]Darrian 21 points22 points ago

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Two things are incorrect.

One - the vegetable = death one. Every bachelor has gone through at least one or both of these phases, and that's being poor, or just plain lazy or forgetful so that you end up with no food in the house. During these phases you could give me a carrot and that would be a meal to me.

Two - the salt/pepper = spice cabinet one. Any seasoned bachelor knows spices are your friend. You can find all sorts of kinds relatively cheap, they last forever, and can turn the blandest of foods into glorious meals fit for a king. Tired of that chicken flavored Ramen? Crack open some of your favorite spices and sauces and cover that shit.

[–]abernathie 9 points10 points ago

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I think the first one is crisper = vegetable coffin. You buy vegetables, fully intending to use them, and then they rot away in the refrigerator, forgotten or passed over (possibly after having used some portion of them within the first day of buying them).

Also, of course any seasoned bachelor knows about spices. The salt and pepper bachelors, on the other hand...

[–]Tredward 5 points6 points ago

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Nailed it.

[–]TheMarshma 4 points5 points ago

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Looks dangerously similar to weed vision.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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I don't get the coffin one.

[–]CannibalCow[S] 98 points99 points ago

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It's where vegetables go to die.

[–]petedawes 41 points42 points ago

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everyone else seems to have seen the vegetables whereas you and I saw the crisper. Apparently these guys have never pulled 20 matted bags of green slime out of the bottom of their crisper.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

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Eventually you just know that there is something in your crisper but fear opening it lest you unleash some sort of horror.

[–]stringaline 3 points4 points ago

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I would buy veggies if a girl was coming over and she was going to cool us a meal. she'd use whatever she wanted and the rest would go bad until....the next time i was going to have a girl over to cook. throw out green slime, shop for new fixings.

[–]evitagen-armak 3 points4 points ago

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I usually heat my food.

[–]hangOverture 15 points16 points ago

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I keep my beer in those things. They can each hold about 15 cans

[–]toxicityj 16 points17 points ago

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What's a vegetable? Is that where vegans eat?

[–]loonyloopylupin 5 points6 points ago

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I imagine the veggies in the produce section screaming "NO! Not me! I'm supposed to be a salad! Don't put me in the crisper! Nooooooo!" as I walk by. I've killed much produce that way...

[–]Shadoblak 2 points3 points ago

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I get it!

It's where vegetables go to die.

Ooooooooooooooooh. NOW I get it.

[–]FoolsRun 3 points4 points ago

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My wife and I refer to it as the Vegetable Graveyard. Our old fridge had an opaque drawer and it could be months before whatever we put in there was discovered again.

[–]ThaddyG 17 points18 points ago

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Sometimes food items are bought by the foul bachelor with the intention of eating them or cooking them into an actual meal. Oftentimes, however, due to sheer laziness and the availability of fast food they are forgotten about and left to rot in the crisper or meat drawer.

Exhibit A

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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TIL my fridge has a crisper drawer. Never looked that far down before.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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YouPorn isn't exercise unless you put on wrist weights.

[–]Glenners 2 points3 points ago

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Using the dishwasher as a cupboard is actually a pretty efficient use of space if you want a dishwasher.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]revolutionsnow 6 points7 points ago

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I was expecting your username to be something like "MADEYOUREADIT!" or something.

[–]JimmyCrackCrack 3 points4 points ago

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Everything except the microwave=oven and the salt and pepper=entire spice rack

Got to have standards man, cook yourself a good, well prepared meal before you work up a sweat strenuously masturbating and jizzing in to your socks

[–]TacoMcD 1 point2 points ago

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To be fair, a cook uses salt and/or pepper in everything.

[–]Decatf 1 point2 points ago

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[–]internetsuperstar 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone else look at the delicious cheeseburger and immediately expect some shittier food to be on the right?

[–]JasoneBourne 1 point2 points ago

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This is like those Senior humor emails my grandma forwards to everyone, except seemingly targeted at 20 somethings?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What if you relate more to what's on the right than the left?

[–]Fenris_uy 1 point2 points ago

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what is that next to the salt?

[–]Erectwhenhappy 1 point2 points ago

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It' sad and disturbing exactly how close to reality it really is, yet I'm weirdly proud if it.

[–]Avengerr 1 point2 points ago

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The further I got down that list, the expression on my face became much more sad.

[–]KillWithFire 1 point2 points ago

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Bachelor? Nay, good sir, this is the eye of the college student, very poor, and/or the lazy.

[–]OG-Eazy 1 point2 points ago

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Nah you're just a mess..or maybe I'm too tidy.

Who's to judge?

[–]sethky 1 point2 points ago

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Good to be happily married!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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bachelors want to be buried in a bin of vegetables?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This. Is. Prefect.

[–]Allurex 1 point2 points ago

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You can afford both salt and pepper?

[–]clemka3 1 point2 points ago

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I'm a teenage girl who lives with her dad. This is pretty accurate... Also, this chart doesn't apply to men only.

[–]helicopterindian 1 point2 points ago

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Can I get a link to the wardrobe? That looks classy.

[–]living_404 1 point2 points ago

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oh shit, i lost it at the socks. i didn't know this was such a common thing.

[–]d70 1 point2 points ago

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you porn pretty much sums in up.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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took me a second to register what you're trying to say about the socks, but yeah, it's true.