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[–]DipsomaniacDawg 439 points440 points ago

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"I'm a simple man. I like pretty dark haired women and breakfast food"

[–]thisheartsonfire 51 points52 points ago

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"I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed."

[–]MtHammer 44 points45 points ago

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When I walked in this morning and I saw that the flag was at half mast, I thought, "All right, another bureaucrat ate it!"

And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

[–]Ctrl-F-Guy 173 points174 points ago

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"You had me at meat tornado."

[–]Look_Sexual_Innuendo 78 points79 points ago

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meat tornado

[–]DrTornado 74 points75 points ago

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Doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist on that one.

[–]guinness_blaine 22 points23 points ago

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It's not exactly brain surgery, is it?

[–]osirisx11 1 point2 points ago

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if anyone else is glancing over this and doesn't know of Mitchell and Webb: It is awesome sketch comedy. Give it a try.

[–]trident042 46 points47 points ago

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Or a doctor, you hypocrite.

[–]ImAJerk 7 points8 points ago

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No, it takes a novelty account user

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Did someone say meat?

[–]twister6284 1 point2 points ago*

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:-S

I'm outta this thread before anyone gets any ideas.

[–]rational1212 9 points10 points ago

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"Negative, I am a meat popsicle."

[–]MetaphorFists 1 point2 points ago

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SMOKE YOU

[–]fishinthesky 57 points58 points ago

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and lil sebastian.

[–]OpinionGenerator 38 points39 points ago

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RIP

[–]Frank5 14 points15 points ago

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Great Season Finale

[–]dondrapist 6 points7 points ago

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SPOILER THAT SHIT!

[–]redtopfiend 1 point2 points ago

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It was weeks ago on a ota station. Get over yourself.

[–]Tobislu 14 points15 points ago

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[–]zanina 40 points41 points ago

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ron swanson is my soulmate

[–]correctBatman 14 points15 points ago

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Is this a quote from Parks and Rec? I like it.

[–]oldseacaptain 35 points36 points ago

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  • Ron "Fucking" Swanson.

[–]CharlesDeGaulle 8 points9 points ago*

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"Freaking" as Knope* likes to put it

*Edit: Thanks jampony

[–]jampony 3 points4 points ago

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*Knope

[–]correctBatman 1 point2 points ago

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Thanks, I have to properly quote it on facebook.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Shoulda taken a picture...

[–]Pravusmentis 13 points14 points ago

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I don't actually know the woman in this picture frame, but I bought it because she was cooking bacon in the picture.

[–]distortedtheory 2 points3 points ago

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"I've cried twice in my life, once when I was 7, and I was hit by a school bus, & then again when I heard that Little Sebastian had passed."

[–]stuipd 78 points79 points ago

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[–]Conde_Nasty 19 points20 points ago

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That's classic. I can't tell you how many steaks I've seen at diners where asking "why would you call it that on your menu?" would be appropriate.

[–]SolarEyes8 8 points9 points ago

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I can't thank you enough.

[–]daveysprocks 46 points47 points ago

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Leslie: What’d you bring?

Chris: I was in charge of the cake. To be fair, it’s not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf. You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach, and I had it sweetened with fruit reduction.

Ron: But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf or a cake?

Chris: No, a cake, but this is so much healthier.

Ron: So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake.

Best Ron Swanson line, IMO.

[–]JimHeine 2 points3 points ago

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"Ron, take a walk."

[–]TheDownvoteDefender 68 points69 points ago

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[–]nicksauce 25 points26 points ago

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Never heard of this show before. This clip has convinced me to start watching it.

[–]TheDownvoteDefender 35 points36 points ago

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Well worth checking out. The first season is generally considered pretty weak and you can tell they're still trying to find their voice, but if you stick it out for the second and third season you're in for some fantastic television.

[–]amoore12 7 points8 points ago

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Totally agree about season one, but I still think 2 and 3 are better if you see 1 first.

[–]parradise21 5 points6 points ago

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After this thread and watching several of this guy's clips on youtube, I may just give it another shot! I watched the season premier and a few episodes and just couldn't get into it.

[–]oniraikou 1 point2 points ago

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I'm with you. I almost quit watching it, but damn am I glad I kept going. If you like The Office, you'll find Parks and Rec is actually funnier than The Office is at the moment. One of my favorite shows.

[–]ArecBardwin 1 point2 points ago

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The first season is generally considered pretty weak...but if you stick it out for the second and third season you're in for some fantastic television

I occasionally watched some episodes during the first season and considered it a mediocre version of The Office. The newer episodes are very strong, though. One of the best comedies on TV right now.

[–]stega_megasaurus 2 points3 points ago

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After Jim and Pam married, the Office should have ended. Parks and Rec has put on much more interesting and funny episodes (if you skip some of the recent romance between Ben and Leslie. I can't watch that guy as anything other than the sleazy Sports Agent from East Bound and Down). It has fewer and higher quality characters, and doesn't rely on gags to move the plot.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]LoopyChew 2 points3 points ago

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Wasn't that the first episode of the second season?

[–]jerry111 1 point2 points ago

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y'know what, just start with the second season.

[–]CSharpSauce 21 points22 points ago

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WHAT THE FUCK JERRY

[–]jerry111 2 points3 points ago

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For my murinal, I was inspired by the death of my grandma.

[–]bfogarty27 5 points6 points ago

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watch season 1, there's enough character development and a few funny moments. but yes 2 and 3 are streets ahead

[–]Briscotti 1 point2 points ago

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Why? It's like six episodes long.

[–]mummerlimn 13 points14 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]fierytortoise 104 points105 points ago

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Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

[–]electrolemon 59 points60 points ago

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ARE THE SCISSORS BROKEN AT YOUR HOUSE SON

[–]sa_neasy 15 points16 points ago

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Skim milk. It's on there twice. Avoid it.

[–]Geno098 18 points19 points ago

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And when Lil Sebastian dies.

[–]rbreeze 4 points5 points ago

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Also: when you're struck by a bus at age 7 and at Li'l Sebastian's funeral.

[–]ShowMeUrrGenitals 130 points131 points ago

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[–]mrmackdaddy 72 points73 points ago

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That smile at the end ... I love you Ron Swanson.

[–]awall528 21 points22 points ago

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I love him more. He is the reason I watch parks

[–]mtlaw13 19 points20 points ago

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Everybody always shitting on Jerry is funny as hell too. Jerry is to Parks as Meg is to FG

But yea Ron Swanson kicks ass.

[–]P00pSh00tr 16 points17 points ago

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How about Kyle? Even Jerry shits on that guy.

[–]MrHorseWithNoName 1 point2 points ago

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Shut up Kyle and quit being so pretentious.

[–]whenmattsattack 3 points4 points ago

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FUCK YOU! I LOVE HIM MOST!!!

[–]awall528 6 points7 points ago

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I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!!

[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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The smile really tied the room together.

[–]capnmidnite 18 points19 points ago

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Tom, pull up a plate - this buffet is unstoppable.

[–]reactionGIF 29 points30 points ago

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[–]Ron-Swanson 9 points10 points ago

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I'm starving. I only had one breakfast.

[–]Mr_Repair_man_man_ 22 points23 points ago

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I'll just put this here.

[–]mynameisdave 1 point2 points ago

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Cool All That reference, bro.

[–]MANTIS_POWER 2 points3 points ago

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god that is a fucking bueaaaaaauuuuutiful bacon

[–]omnipotant 2 points3 points ago

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yes son... it certainly is.

[–]skitztobotch 2 points3 points ago

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THANKS RON!

[–]crantastic 2 points3 points ago

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This might be the best gif ever made ever

[–]mattmentecky 93 points94 points ago

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I present, the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness:

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/110120/park-recs-pyramid_1500.jpg

[–]bernardolv 12 points13 points ago

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And here's the youtube clip

[–]munchybot 13 points14 points ago

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I think I'm going to have to start watching this show.

[–]ours 12 points13 points ago

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You should but be aware that during the first few episodes the show seems to be looking for it's thing so it isn't as hilarious initially.

[–]benpatient 14 points15 points ago

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It's true. The whole "pit" concept isn't the best, but there are hilarious moments interspersed. Then after they finish with the "pit", things really take off from there. It's weird, because we liked the show, but it was in 2nd or 3rd place for NBC comedies for us, and then they lost the main driving plot of the show (the pit) and we thought...what are they going to do now? how can this show keep going?

And boy, were we wrong. This thing has really gotten its legs over the last 2 seasons, and I will say that this year has been much, much funnier than either The Office (not hard) or 30 Rock.

It's the funniest show on TV.

[–]chafe 3 points4 points ago

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It's the funniest show on TV.

Second only to Community.

[–]philote 2 points3 points ago

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This is now my desktop back ground, thank you.

[–]DeaconBlues 4 points5 points ago

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Old Wooden Sailing Ships...

They're beautiful.

[–]Sleepysloth 180 points181 points ago

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"It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on the taxpayers teat until they have sore, chapped nipples" hahahah the greatest

[–]electrolemon 59 points60 points ago

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"I'm gonna need a better metaphor to give this 9-year old."

[–]hanpan004 51 points52 points ago

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Why does government matter?

Ron Swanson would like to teach all, "It doesn't."

[–]oracle2b 7 points8 points ago

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When I saw that was all the little girl had written for her assignment, In a fit of laughter I fell out of my chair.

[–]Ron-Swanson 28 points29 points ago

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With current and projected deficits, we need to cut expenditures by 32%.

Let's make it an even 40.

Oh, that's not necessary.

Slash it! Slash it!

[–]rbreeze 5 points6 points ago

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Uh-oh, capital gains tax.

[–]GuruCam 24 points25 points ago*

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"Its a turkey leg wrapped in Bacon. They call it the Swanson."

http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk127/zzwanderer/ron-swanson.jpg?t=1306717870

[–]odriscs 57 points58 points ago

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Really he's the main reason to watch Parks and Recreation, what a guy!

[–]electrolemon 80 points81 points ago*

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Between Ron Swanson, Tom Haverford, DJ Roomba, and Andy Dwyer, I've got plenty of reasons to watch that show.

"I filled one of these balloons with poisonous gas, so if you pop it, you'll die."

"No, April, we'd all die. Gases fill the volume of the container they're in. School."

[–]itchylot 28 points29 points ago

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No love for Jean-Ralphio?

[–]electrolemon 26 points27 points ago*

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HOW COULD I FORGET JEAN-RALPHIO?!

"K to the N to the O-P-E, she's the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee, Indiana"

"Why didn't you stop at Pawnee?"

Goddamn, I have mad love for every single character on that show. None of them are dispensable to me.

[–]scottishfinn 2 points3 points ago

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"Swingers? Or Crashers?"

"Fred Claus."

[–]JohnGalt2010 9 points10 points ago

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Oh my god, that line from coming from Andy damn near killed me.

[–]jayme0227 30 points31 points ago

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Really, I think Ron Swanson, in a vacuum, would be a terrible character. But the way that all of the characters balance each other so well in that show is just fantastic. He is one of my favorites, but then again, picking a favorite from that show is like trying to pick out my favorite instrument in a great symphony.

[–]YesNoMaybe 1 point2 points ago

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Easy choice. The oboe.

[–][deleted] 102 points103 points ago

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Aubrey Plaza <3

[–]kidintheshadows 100 points101 points ago

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Rashida Jones :3

[–]meean 40 points41 points ago

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WHAT ABOUT CHRIS TRAEGER!?!

"Women's razors work better. For whatever reason men's razor technology hasn't figured out a way to properly contour the shin bone."

[–]ddrt 30 points31 points ago

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Aziz? really no one likes aziz?

[–]giunta13 16 points17 points ago

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I still submit suggestions and visit TomHaverfoods.com everyday.

[–]fleelix 1 point2 points ago

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TIL this exists. Thank you.

[–]giunta13 1 point2 points ago

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I will half pat my back on the shoulder for "Jello-O is Jiggle Jam." I suggested Jiggle Water, but Jiggle Jam is excellent.

[–]elerner 1 point2 points ago

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Oh my god, this website somehow exceeded my very high expectations.

[–]Awesomeade 1 point2 points ago

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Every character on the show is brilliant.

[–]radient 9 points10 points ago

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You know what, the whole cast is fantastic. Even the secondary recurring roles are hilarious.

[–]kidintheshadows 3 points4 points ago

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Meh. Ron is still the best and Ann is cute to look at. :3

[–]athennna 6 points7 points ago

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Aziz Ansari ;)

[–]giveitawaynow 8 points9 points ago

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Seriously, she's like a real hipster but in a completely sexy way (at least in the show).. words cannot describe the ways I want to bone her.

[–]ENKC 2 points3 points ago

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I'm fairly sure words could.

[–]supremespleen 3 points4 points ago

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I love her.

[–]tanplusblue 14 points15 points ago

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Leslie is the main reason to watch and rewatch Parks and Rec. That woman is like Jesus in her selflessness and dedication to public works. All hail the divine Knope, leader of manchildren, deliverer of fun and recreation, and lord of the hunt.

[–]ENKC 4 points5 points ago

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I'll admit it's nice to see a positive and well meaning character on a comedy for a change.

[–]saayed 2 points3 points ago

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Wrong. Jean-Ralphio

[–]joedrew 62 points63 points ago

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Ron Swanson is one of the best things about Parks and Re. I cannot get enough of him.

I was so happy the day I found the tumblr blog Cats that look like Ron Swanson.

[–]KillEmAll83 66 points67 points ago

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I literally cannot get enough of him.

FTFY

[–]kuphinit 51 points52 points ago

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My body is a microchip. A grain of sand could literally kill me.

[–]Dunbeezy 17 points18 points ago

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[–]kuphinit 25 points26 points ago

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STOP. POOPING.

[–]ddrt 16 points17 points ago

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Rob Lowe needs to stay on that show.

[–]rbreeze 2 points3 points ago

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Death is inescapable.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]ArbysMachtFries 3 points4 points ago

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Oh so that's Garfield

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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SNAKE JUICE!

[–]imdwalrus 28 points29 points ago

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In general I try never to speak with people, but I have been drinking this Snake Juice thing and it’s damn good. Son, you should know that my recommendation is essentially a guarantee.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/tumblr_ll44u06MGa1qzua91o1_500.gif

[–]GifForEveryOccasion 6 points7 points ago

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[–]derbearlaserbeam 33 points34 points ago

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This man is a king of men.

[–]GifForEveryOccasion 29 points30 points ago

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[–]Conde_Nasty 1 point2 points ago

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He's had enough snake juice to kill an entire city. And yet it actually functions like caffeine for him.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]night_owl 2 points3 points ago

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he would be a good representative caricature for /r/economics

[–]MrButterfield 18 points19 points ago

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Ron Swanson, he'll show the turkey burger who's boss.

[–]Ctrl-F-Guy 41 points42 points ago

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"It's a hamburger made out of meat on a bun with nothing. Add ketchup if you want I couldn't care less."

[–]mtlaw13 3 points4 points ago

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I like his points to ron

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Hi im the mod at /r/PandR come check the parks and rec subreddit out

[–]amazingmaximo 32 points33 points ago

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My god, I never laughed harder than I have at that line (well, except for arrested development). My mom just sat there poker face and said "now why is that funny?" I'm like bitch, learn to comedy.

[–]KillEmAll83 21 points22 points ago

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Your mom is like my girlfriend. She watches Jersey Shore and 16 and Pregnant, but when I show her Community or Parks & Rec she pokerfaces through it.

Accepting applications for new girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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How would you say Community holds up against It's always sunny/parks?

[–]Rodeopants 12 points13 points ago

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They're very different types of comedy. I don't laugh out loud as much at Community as I do Parks or Always Sunny, but the show does things most other comedies are afraid of. The best example of this was the the My Dinner with Andre/Pulp Fiction episode of Community, which was a near perfect display of Abed's character as well as an entertaining bit of comedy. Simply put most shows don't attempt in a season the boundaries Community pushes with almost every episode.

[–]coollettuce 1 point2 points ago

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Well.

[–]Windexdjd 7 points8 points ago*

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Reminds me of Rube from Dead Like Me.

Edit: This was the scene I was thinking of.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTIC6ihxNLc&feature=player_embedded#at=100

[–]endlive 6 points7 points ago

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"the fuck is a german muffin?"

[–]JimHeine 6 points7 points ago*

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You don't understand. He was under a moment of great duress; His favorite restaurant was boarded up like a cheap warehouse, Chris tried to feed him mushrooms and now this chef tried to serve him a pathetic excuse for a steak. He has taken a huge hit to his essential Swanson-ness, and now he needs to refuel the only way Ron Swanson can: a nutritious breakfast.

[–]JimHeine 2 points3 points ago

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On an unrelated noted, I'd like to thank you for posting this. There are so many great shows on the air like Parks and Recreation that deserve our support and attention but every redditor would rather continue stroking old cancelled chestnuts like Arrested Development or Firefly

[–]funcrusherplus 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit sir have more upvotes. No one has more perfectly articulated the hilarity of this scene quite like you. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thoguht this.

[–]zyzzogeton 1 point2 points ago

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Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there.

[–]elerner 1 point2 points ago

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What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? Do you think they were eaten?

[–]zyzzogeton 2 points3 points ago

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I call it Turf and Turf

[–]Radioactiveness 6 points7 points ago

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"Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor."

[–]jayhat 12 points13 points ago

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[–]nejdu 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MustStopMasturbating 5 points6 points ago

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"What do you want for breakfast?"

Bacon and eggs, dear.

"What was that?"

OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I SAID BACON AND EGGS!!!

[–]culdesaclamort 3 points4 points ago

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FUCK SALT

[–]Dunbeezy 4 points5 points ago

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You had me at "Meat Tornado".

[–]ddrt 5 points6 points ago

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I've been waiting a loooooooooooooong time for a good Parks and Recreation thread. This show doesn't get enough recognition for how funny it is.

[–]Shiggityx2 5 points6 points ago

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Two eggs, rack em, fuck the pig and fuck the toast! Waxlips, stupid, wake up the monkey and show him a dollar. Shave my back and slap my sister..and biscuits and gravy.

[–]pantiekeys 11 points12 points ago

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RON SWANSON FOR PRESIDENT

[–]rallion 17 points18 points ago

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He would veto everything.

[–]tekende 9 points10 points ago

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Exactly.

[–]ChuckMeager 5 points6 points ago

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Relevant

Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces

[–]Rgr_Dgr 4 points5 points ago

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[–]KevinMichaelMichael 1 point2 points ago

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Does reddit know Ron Swanson = Nick Offerman = Master Woodworker?

Rad canoe

[–]heroinahood 3 points4 points ago

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This was actually at a 24/7 diner after he found out his favorite steakhouse was shut down. He had been planning for a fine dinner and had starved himself beforehand; only to be knocked down by the disappointment. After that he wandered around, like a broken man, until he found this diner.

[–]Geno098 3 points4 points ago

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[–]jayhat 7 points8 points ago

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The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness > *

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIZ4ckmd9-I

[–]awesometakespractice 7 points8 points ago

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ron fucking swanson.

[–]kirkip 6 points7 points ago

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calling all parks fans... is there a subreddit? if not, why??

[–]DoShek 10 points11 points ago

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[–]SteveAM1 3 points4 points ago

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http://www.reddit.com/r/pandr

Not a very good subreddit name, as it's hard to find.

[–]Rounddance 2 points3 points ago

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What show is this? I cannot remember the name. Any help would be nice thanks.

[–]jerry111 1 point2 points ago

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parks and recreation

[–]nigel45 2 points3 points ago

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[–]frozenturkey 5 points6 points ago

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And he wasn't even ordering breakfast when he said that.

[–]Ericzzz 6 points7 points ago

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I went through the comments in this thread, and I upvoted literally every single one of them talking about Parks. That show brings me more joy than anything else in the world.

[–]thatsnotthemike 9 points10 points ago

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Ron. Motherfucking. Swanson

[–]robertolycus 4 points5 points ago

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Bacons makes the internets work.

[–]wildtabeast 2 points3 points ago

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~~ A series of tubes~~

A series of crunchy, tasty, strips.

[–]discontinuuity 1 point2 points ago

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A series of clogged arteries.

[–]wildtabeast 1 point2 points ago

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I dunno about you, but I would never even consider eating the internet. What would I do with out it?

[–]vammirato 1 point2 points ago

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[–]wheelinthesky 1 point2 points ago

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I've never even watched this show but I still agree wholly with this pyramid. I guess I'll have to throw this on my list of shows to see.

[–]isaaciaggard 1 point2 points ago

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Start w/season 2.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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TIL I can't read the word "breakfast" without immediately thinking of Ron Swanson.

[–]onecharmingschmuck 1 point2 points ago

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Replace eggs with more bacon and it's even better!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck that. Gimme all your bacon and maple syrup. You'll know when I'm done after i start rolling on the floor clutching my chest.

[–]PoppaGriff 1 point2 points ago

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Ron-fucking-Swanson is the man.

[–]i_eversaw 1 point2 points ago

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[–]iSmokeTheXS 1 point2 points ago

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TIL'd of Ron Swanson. Now to go look up this show so I can start watching is.

[–]giunta13 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Geno098 1 point2 points ago

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[–]sitsitsitonyou 1 point2 points ago

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ron swanson is the love of my life

[–]ghostbackwards 1 point2 points ago

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I just brought this scene up to some friends tonight.

[–]g0dard 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Bubblessss 1 point2 points ago

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AMA Request: Nick Offerman? :)

[–]WasteofInk 1 point2 points ago

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Sounds like someone straight out of /r/keto.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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God dammit somehow during the night I sleep-reddited and put this image as my phone's background.

Fan fucking tastic.

[–]kyew 2 points3 points ago

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Who's the white Neil DeGrasse Tyson?

[–]sarahgee123 1 point2 points ago

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fucking Parks & Rec.. gotta love Ron Ron

[–]SlightFigureOfSpeech 1 point2 points ago

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My favorite quote from the whole series.