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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]jewbus 188 points189 points ago

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I guess someone's found out how to get the basilisk into the chamber of secrets.

[–]MacEnvy 7 points8 points ago

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Butterbeer.

[–]spindrive 340 points341 points ago

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Mischief ménage'd.

[–]motteandbailey 65 points66 points ago

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You've got to trois harder than that you know.

[–]atcoyou 16 points17 points ago

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Sounds like this will take a group effort.

[–]hymen_destroyer 594 points595 points ago

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Oh my God! They showed this movie to CHILDREN!! Won't somebody please think of the children?

[–]Thy_Curious_One 762 points763 points ago

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Says the hymen destroyer.

[–]kurin 544 points545 points ago

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Oh, he's thinking of the children.

[–]SergeiKirov 141 points142 points ago

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Just "thinking" is ok right?

[–]ziusudrazoon 180 points181 points ago

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Think about having a seat right over there.

[–]Foxsbiscuits 21 points22 points ago

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Someone please explain this meme.

[–]pogeymanz 52 points53 points ago

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Chris Hansen from "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC(maybe?) catches pedophiles from the internet who come to meet someone who they think is a 13 year old girl.

Hansen then pops out of nowhere and tells them to "have a seat" where he asks them about what they intended to do with the girl and they usually admit everything to him.

[–]Foxsbiscuits 14 points15 points ago

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Coming from the UK this is incredible. I'm surprised the DailyMail haven't picked up the rights to do something similar.

[–]Visti 10 points11 points ago

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[–]Foxsbiscuits 16 points17 points ago

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Poor guy... What's a dude to do to get in with some young fillies these days without 4 armed cops jumping out of the bushes.

[–]zephyr952 6 points7 points ago

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One reason they stopped airing it here is because it turned police sting operations into a reality tv show in which there was great legal concerns regarding the legality of it at all. Also a dude killed himself which was speculated if he wasn't on tv he might of not of done that. Also it just plainly became harder because more people knew about it. If you want to read about it check out the wiki page here

[–]Mdb8900 6 points7 points ago

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"In the United Kingdom, columnist and television critic Charlie Brooker wrote of the show that "when a TV show makes you feel sorry for potential child-rapists, you know it's doing something wrong"

[–]tortured_brain 7 points8 points ago

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[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ

[–]Shaper_pmp 67 points68 points ago

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You know who else thinks of children?

Paedophiles. Paedophiles think of children.

[–]neurohero 58 points59 points ago

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And they drive slowly past schools. I think that they're grossly under appreciated.

[–]Shaper_pmp 14 points15 points ago

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Not to mention helping the economy by driving sales of lollypops, puppies, panel vans and chloroform...

[–]XoYo 15 points16 points ago

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And Werther's Originals.

[–]Y0tsuya 23 points24 points ago

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Last time I drove fast past a school, I got a $350 speeding ticket. Rock and hard place... I now drive past schools at EXACTLY the speed limit.

[–]mark_nb 40 points41 points ago

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$350 is a small price to pay to guarantee you're not a pedophile.

[–]wallychamp 8 points9 points ago

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Well, your honor, I know that the evidence against my client is pretty damn strong. But let me ask you, what kind of pervert gets a speeding ticket in a school zone? The defense rests.

[–]JustHere4TheDownVote 132 points133 points ago

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It's actually Hagrid walking over the dwarf teacher.

[–]hazardous69 31 points32 points ago

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Flitwick.

[–]Wiki_pedo 93 points94 points ago

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Clitflick?

[–]WouldYouTurnMeOn 10 points11 points ago

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Flitwick.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]christophski 3 points4 points ago

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Flitwick.

[–]nathism 20 points21 points ago

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except that it is in the corner against a wall...

[–]SenorToucan 29 points30 points ago

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rule 34...

[–]nathism 25 points26 points ago

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with Hagrid...I think I just vomited a little.

[–]railmaniac 4 points5 points ago

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Don't worry, with practice you can overcome the gag reflex.

Er... so I've heard...

[–]aegicat 507 points508 points ago

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Dohoho! Excellent find, dear Redditor!

[–]kactus 239 points240 points ago

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Please be Hermione, please be Hermione

[–]Partheus 88 points89 points ago

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Please be Luna and Hermione, please be Luna and Hermione

awwww yeah

[–]FreeBribes 22 points23 points ago

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Don't stick your wand in crazy, bro.

[–]st_gulik 12 points13 points ago

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Luna ain't crazy, just misunderstood.

[–]flojito 194 points195 points ago

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I think this is from the third movie, in which case....

[–]demon_ix 138 points139 points ago

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I'm already sitting down... Now what?

[–]Iggyhopper 162 points163 points ago

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fap

[–]killergazebo 202 points203 points ago*

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If I ever ended up on To Catch a Predator, which I won't partially because I'm not a pedophile and partially because that show is no longer on air, but if I did I would calmly sit down for the interview with Chris Hansen and just start stroking my cock while looking him in the eyes lovingly.

I could argue that I only contacted young girls online to get a chance to share that moment with Mr. Hansen.

Why did I just write that?

[–][deleted] 102 points103 points ago

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[–]AwesomeThunderbolt 27 points28 points ago

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TIL about Fleece Johnson

[–]machzel08 5 points6 points ago

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Awesome pornstar name

[–]wonderingpossum 18 points19 points ago

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I would watch that. No homo.

[–]MetaKarmaWhore 19 points20 points ago

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I'd watch you watching that. No homo.

[–]wonderingpossum 14 points15 points ago

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[–]bigfartsoo 14 points15 points ago

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Why don't you go ahead and stand up.

[–]jagumbo 25 points26 points ago

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The crowd goes absolutely BIZONKERS!

[–]sophalope 16 points17 points ago

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I'm Harry FUCKING potter!

[–]mizzermike 21 points22 points ago

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The internet centipede is usually 4chan>Reddit>Tumblr

I'm starting to get worried that I'm seeing a lot of content on Tumblr before Reddit.

[–]sexlexia_survivor 3 points4 points ago

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I thought the same thing. My roomate showed this to me on Tumblr Yesterday morning :/

[–]realaccount 34 points35 points ago

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"Ronnie tells Harry that he’s a pot of coffee by day, bottle of wine by night type of guy.

Harry says, “Triple that, and you got me.”

[–]schtvr 16 points17 points ago

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Ragtime RoastBeefie!

[–]Einarath 17 points18 points ago

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"I am a beautiful animal! I am a destroyer of worlds! I am Harry Fucking Potter!"

[–]achingchangchong 11 points12 points ago

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Harry Potter, the Near Perfect New God!

[–]krustykrabpizza 4 points5 points ago

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Well, just Harry, I imagine then that lions are just lions, and gods are just gods.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Ta-dah, ta-dah, ta-dah forever!

[–]adrianmonk 125 points126 points ago

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Obviously two ballerinas with their feet in fifth position.

[–]omgdonerkebab 83 points84 points ago

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TIL that torture is enumerated.

[–]novemberrrain 19 points20 points ago

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well as long as the two ballerinas are making out, then I guess I'm satisfied :/

[–]thecat12 159 points160 points ago

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[–]brunt2 169 points170 points ago

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Girls don't need to spread their legs to kiss.

[–]imaunitard 269 points270 points ago

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depends on which lips you are kissing with...

[–]Anonymous0ne 83 points84 points ago

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slowclap

[–]Spit-wad 16 points17 points ago

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slowfap

[–]OneDeadPixel 2 points3 points ago

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Good, that still works...

[–]TeddiRevolution 20 points21 points ago

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I've been doing it wrong all these years then, they always do that with me.

[–]Minim4c 57 points58 points ago

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Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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All the feet are on the ground

[–]poopyonyobumski 27 points28 points ago

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Dont have sex because you will get pregnant and you will die! Dont have sex in the military position, dont have sex standing up, just.. dont have sex. Now everybody take some rubbers.

[–]infinitypanda 28 points29 points ago

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Ooh, what is this military position?

[–]Scypio 27 points28 points ago

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Surprise attack from behind?

[–]BHSPitMonkey 7 points8 points ago

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Preemptive strike.

[–]novamaster0 4 points5 points ago

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You don't ask, and you don't tell!

[–]emsharas 10 points11 points ago

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Yeah, with some crotch grinding that is. Otherwise there's no reason for the spreading of legs. That, or they were having stand up sex.

[–]Sluhzer 76 points77 points ago

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It looks like owls arent the only ones at Hogwarts that stand and deliver.

[–]leflings 7 points8 points ago

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I see what you did there. Bravo

[–]jimdoescode 268 points269 points ago

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10 points to red-idor.

[–]jennix1 132 points133 points ago

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Well we know it's not Dumbledore...

[–][deleted] 275 points276 points ago

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[–]Xenc 54 points55 points ago

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Subtle.

[–]GonnaRideIt 65 points66 points ago

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Not to hurt your brain, but men have penetrative sex facing each other.

[–]spikey666 49 points50 points ago

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Go on...

[–]youRheaDiSoNfirE 29 points30 points ago

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Oh, man, I think I just peed myself. 10 points for remembering he's a homosexual! Question: Do we really believe that the character was always written as gay or that she only decided that later in the series?

[–]aegicat 60 points61 points ago

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For what it's worth, I've always had the suspicion that she'd decided that later - Though I think that opinion is... frowned upon amongst our Potter-loving peers.

[–]youRheaDiSoNfirE 37 points38 points ago

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For what it's worth, I'm right there with you.

[–]ArcaneAmoeba 58 points59 points ago

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For what it's worth, I'm right there behind you.

FTFY

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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We gotta Spy around here!

[–]MooseBear 7 points8 points ago

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Red spy is sapping tapping your mom.

[–]Spocktease 4 points5 points ago

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For what it's worth, I think it doesn't matter at all. I love you guys.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Grindlewald? It's a very...close bond.

[–]freeall 3 points4 points ago

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Yeah, I think even when reading it you start to wonder what the deal is. And it may be one of the reason that Dumbledore went so long with Grindlewalds idea. That he got blindsighted a bit.

[–]lucidswirl 14 points15 points ago

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She probably came up with that later in the series. She did slide a note to the screenwriter Steve Kloves during a meeting regarding the HBP film after he has DD mention a girl in his past.

Here is the article when she outted him at Carnegie Hall after the Deathly Hallows book release.

[–]youRheaDiSoNfirE 14 points15 points ago

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I remember when she did it, and it definitely made sense given the last book, but I've always wondered why she did it. Like, not that I'm complaining or anything, but I've always been super curious about what her actual reasons were. Was it because she felt like she had to justify him never having found a mate? Or was it a slap in the face to all the fundamentalists who find fault not only with homosexuality but with her stories, as well?

[–]foedufafa 43 points44 points ago

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Maybe she always pictured him being played by Ian McKellan.

[–]youRheaDiSoNfirE 17 points18 points ago

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I know I did. Oh, and upvote for the username. I fucking love that song.

[–]stuman89 15 points16 points ago

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Richard Harris did a great job, he was brilliant. After his untimely death, they should have gotten Ian instead of Michael Gambon. Gambon is just too... high energy? He's not grave enough.

[–]DrunkInTheTrunk 6 points7 points ago

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I agreed after the first one or two movies, but I liked him more as the movies progressed. The somber tone started in the first movie would've gotten old quickly. Dumbledore's character could be high energy, times.

Plus, McClellan can't play ALL wizards.

[–]Eminence120 8 points9 points ago

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Ian McKellan isn't a real wizard though.

[–]lucidswirl 22 points23 points ago

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I think it was less a slap in the face but more just a character detail, a detail which she didn't even think was important enough to include in the written canon.

But when you find out it does make sense, he was just a young man in love over a summer and never really found it again. Plus had to pay the consequences for not stepping up to his friend and decided it would business only from then on out. I also sort of think it was more a DD attraction to G rather than a mutual attraction to each other.

Hell, I thought it would wind up that he and McGonagall were married.

[–]aegicat 13 points14 points ago

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I always was a fan of Dumbledore and McGonagall together, myself... Alas, it was not to be. And I do agree that it was definitely one-sided on Albus's part; I can't see Grindelwald reciprocating anyone's feelings like that.

[–]stuman89 9 points10 points ago

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Fanfic: Imagination is barely a limit!

[–]westhe 19 points20 points ago

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BLOW JOB IN THE DUNGEON!

[–]railmaniac 3 points4 points ago

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...Just thought you'd want to know.

[–]bkoatz 170 points171 points ago

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Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

[–]elementus 152 points153 points ago

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I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[–]MooseBear 16 points17 points ago

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I feel like an old person because I know where this is from.

[–]sastrone 44 points45 points ago

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I'm 16 and I know where this is from.

[–]brycedriesenga 44 points45 points ago

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I'm 12 and what is this.

[–]not_wasting_time 33 points34 points ago

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just wait until you're 16

[–]masala_salada 198 points199 points ago

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Actually, that's my erection but thanks for asking!

[–]lovetape 75 points76 points ago

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Erectous Enormalis

[–]TallMidgets 106 points107 points ago

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Engorgio!

[–]MARKERL 93 points94 points ago

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It's all fun and games till you get the hogwarts.

[–]iliveinabucket 107 points108 points ago

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Yo Imma put my basilisk in your chamber of secrets.

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points ago

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I prefer it slytherin in my hufflepuffs.

[–]Spectralhook 10 points11 points ago

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All the upvotes. Take them.

[–]MARKERL 7 points8 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]bobawesome 16 points17 points ago

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Forgeticus!

[–]StuartGibson 22 points23 points ago

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Forgeticus!

Obliviate. FTFY.

[–]TheNightCat 8 points9 points ago

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[–]TimeAndMotion 6 points7 points ago

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It's called the down-low, Ron.

[–]inanutshell 7 points8 points ago

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Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4?

Well, I know of something else with the exact same measurements. ;)

[–]JinxPutMaxInSpace 4 points5 points ago

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9¾ centimeters is less than four inches. How disappointing.

[–]goerz 12 points13 points ago

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EXPECTO BONERUM!

[–]1point 5 points6 points ago

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[–]Torquemada1970 14 points15 points ago

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Visited the set of HP when they were making the last/ about to be released one.

The level of detail was utterly astonishing - in Dumbledore's office, the books that line the walls are all telephone directories; but each one has a different, authentic-looking jacket - each with their own title. 'Muggles and Magical Law', etc. The only other series where they go that crazy for detail (that I can think of) is LOTR.

Emma Watson was back in the US studying, but Draco was there (so my Wife, at least, was happy), but I did find a lifesize 'mortified' Hermione in the creature workshop, in her school uniform. Tried to get the Wife to create a distraction so I could make off with it, but failed.

[–]LuckyCanuck13 2 points3 points ago

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lifesize 'mortified' Hermione in the creature workshop, in her school uniform.

I suspect that it is anatomically correct underneath the skirt to help some of the film crew satisfy their fantasies.

[–]Sewermutt 13 points14 points ago

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Which film was this from?

[–]yesyesindeed 29 points30 points ago

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From a cursory glance, I believe it is the credits for the third movie.

[–]UrbanDryad 13 points14 points ago

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Time to go verify this...

[–]Bixby66 14 points15 points ago

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Just checked it. it's legit

[–]sturmeh 5 points6 points ago

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I just double checked it. it's certainly legit

[–]doyoulikeworms 25 points26 points ago

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Didn't check. Not sure if legit.

[–]AristotleStatus 5 points6 points ago

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Cursory glance my ass.

[–]Silentnite85 19 points20 points ago

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I'd rather not. ಠ_ಠ

[–]felimz 55 points56 points ago

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Why are the outside feet wiggling?!

[–]LuckyAmeliza 151 points152 points ago

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mid-thrust I'd imagine.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points ago

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They're doing a dance, a dance only adults can do.

[–]Zeppelanoid 14 points15 points ago

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Well, when a man loves a woman.....

[–]IrritableGourmet 12 points13 points ago

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There's a dark side to Harry Potter. Consider: freely available "love" potions, memory and willpower alteration spells, rooms that can be hidden, body alteration spells, conjuring spells, little to no surveillance (but undetectable remote viewing), and teenagers. Hogwarts would be a statutory rape castle if the books weren't marketed to kids.

[–]NiceGuysFinishLast 8 points9 points ago

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I think you just described Japanese Harry Potter.

[–]WhereAreThePix 24 points25 points ago

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[–]AshsToAshs 52 points53 points ago

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Had to bust out the bluray just to see if thats legit... http://i.imgur.com/wIFro.jpg

Yep... totally legit.

[–]COPE_V2 120 points121 points ago

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THIS GUY HAS BLURAY

[–]RangerGeet 58 points59 points ago

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I bet his GIRLFRIEND bought it for him too!

[–]not_to_be_bothered 5 points6 points ago

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UPVOTE HIM NOW

[–]comox 4 points5 points ago

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blueray: how retro!

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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Do you always tell people the platform in which you look things up?

[–]Einarath 42 points43 points ago

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Yes.

  • Sent from my Sony Bluray Ipad Android

[–]StupidLorbie 18 points19 points ago

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Doesn't everyone?

  • Sent from my Compaq nc6320 with included Qwerty Keyboard

[–]waltbomb 29 points30 points ago

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Looks like somebody has a Snape up her skirt!

[–]Vertigo666 51 points52 points ago

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The only thing I got out of that was "There's a Snape in my boot!"

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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"Someone's poisoned the watering hole!"

Magic is no substitute for safe sex.

[–]mancusod 67 points68 points ago

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I think SOMEBODY found the chamber of secrets!

[–]ryancarpenter 25 points26 points ago

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Accio vagina!

[–]geek0rama[S] 12 points13 points ago

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Is it weird to think of this when you hear Accio Vagina! ?

[–]Sinkytown 27 points28 points ago

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Both pairs of feet are on the ground, so that's only wizard make-outs, I guess. No need for abortio.

[–]CursedCarolers 13 points14 points ago

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[–]JVinci 13 points14 points ago

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worst. spell. ever.

[–]tWoolie 6 points7 points ago

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fetus deletus!

[–]doyoulikebread 37 points38 points ago

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Based off of the positioning of the feet, it would be physically impossible for intercourse to be occurring here, unless the wizard had utilized the Penilius Engorgio spell. It is more likely that this is a simple case of snogging between two young wizards. Notice the slight twitch of excitement in the female's feet, which more closely relates to the casting of Lingua Parisenna than it does Penilius Insertiate.

That or Hagrid is just banging the shit out of Olympe.

[–]pissedoffredneck 10 points11 points ago

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Mostly that last part.

[–]cole1114 9 points10 points ago

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I think you're wrong here. Her feet could be hanging the air while he bangs her on a sink or something.

[–]thcobbs 4 points5 points ago

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Based off of the positioning of the feet, it would be physically impossible for intercourse to be occurring here

Oh you of little imagination.

[–]Actual_Intercourse 17 points18 points ago

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Looks like it.

[–]bradwasheresoyeah 6 points7 points ago

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somebody is getting shown the Elder Wand.

[–]ebalec 14 points15 points ago

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nobody will believe me, but when i saw that movie in theaters i noticed that, but when i told people, nobody believed me.

[–]Nunaya 40 points41 points ago

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Hmm. I don't believe you.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]dfactoblaster 4 points5 points ago

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Trippy about the first part...

[–]Boodelijre 4 points5 points ago

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Next thing you'd make us believe is that you watched that movie with Bill Murray

[–]Iraelyth 5 points6 points ago

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I think it's even funnier that somebody is swiftly walking away in the other direction.

[–]Creepwood 4 points5 points ago

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Adolescents fucking? Whodathunkit?

[–]Mcnichs 7 points8 points ago

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Hmmm two feet together between two spread, wiggling feet. What is this wizardry?

[–]pianobadger 5 points6 points ago

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I think it has something to do with magnets.

[–]JudasCow 7 points8 points ago

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a midget just uppercutted someone's balls. shoryuken!

[–]1point 8 points9 points ago

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http://www.bash.org/?111338

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book <JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. <JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." <JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok <JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof <JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all <JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? <melusine > O_______O <JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

[–]damienp 7 points8 points ago

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I put on my robe and wizards hat...

[–]DrunkenHero 3 points4 points ago

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Professor McGonagall and Snape? Ewwwwww

[–]bloomie107 1 point2 points ago

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Am I really the only one that questions why this would be a gif? Wouldn't it be so much easier to look at if it was just a screencap?

[–]flukshun 3 points4 points ago

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this feet wiggling is important.

also, if you dont recall exactly what this is the lack of animation might leave someone confused. they might the the feet indicate a path or soemthing, rather than tracking actual movements.

this is actually one of the better examples of gif usage i've seen

[–]Skunk_Rock 24 points25 points ago

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Inb4 a shit-ton of wizard innuendos.

Nope, not even close...

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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What am i looking at/trying to decipher?

[–]Floor_ 6 points7 points ago

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As much as I want to believe other-wise, wouldn't a perfectly pg-13 explaination for this be that someone is holding someone up by the shirt collar, i.e. bullying them?

[–]ThatThereBear 21 points22 points ago

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Funny that violence is considered the PG-13 appropriate explanation.

[–]niggelniggly 7 points8 points ago

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Holding someone up by the shirt is pretty weak violence.

[–]cheesyflam 2 points3 points ago

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I was going to say they must be part of the map border, but the outer feet move ever so slightly.

Toe curling good.

[–]riguy724 2 points3 points ago

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titticus exposicus

[–]conbrn 2 points3 points ago

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He's playing with her Hufflepuffs.

[–]invitedtotea 2 points3 points ago

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Mischief Managed indeed!

[–]aMANescape 2 points3 points ago

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Holy shit thankyou! I haven't laughed that hard all day

[–]rowan92 2 points3 points ago

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SIRIUS AND REMUS.

[–]gosp 2 points3 points ago

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Snogging!

[–]superyay 2 points3 points ago

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Classic blowjob footies