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851
852

I'm pretty sure English isn't this comic artists first language, but the message is universal. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by operator_isaac

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[–]parley 252 points253 points ago

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I read that joke on reddit some time ago. But it was a college professor teaching a redneck student logic thinking. And instead of a dog, it was a tractor.

[–]ThaddyG 16 points17 points ago

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IIRC it was a "what's your favorite joke" thread, maybe two months ago?

I told that joke to a few people, they liked it.

[–]ricktencity 18 points19 points ago

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I posted it to r/funny 2 months ago

[–]DasPossum 2 points3 points ago

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But this one's a picture! Upvotes for the both of you!

[–]DiggRefugee2010 16 points17 points ago

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Here's the link for anyone wanting to read the joke "Parley" is speaking of.

[–]grimblegromble3 64 points65 points ago

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Exactly. It wasn't funny to me because I knew it was just a rip off from a much better joke.

[–]ChiefNugs 33 points34 points ago

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I agree although the panel at the end did elicit a chuckle from me.

[–]journey333 8 points9 points ago*

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As a newcomer to this subreddit, I couldn't care less that someone reposted something from last month or year. It was still funny enough for me, having never heard it before.

Edit: n't n't n't (its a dance party) I must be getting tired.

[–]tchebb 8 points9 points ago

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could care less

ಠ_ಠ

[–]journey333 1 point2 points ago

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thanks...

[–]explodingzebras 4 points5 points ago

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same here, at the end panel, real laughter was produced!

[–]nfloorida 0 points1 point ago

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I still found it funny though. Yeah, the joke really is an old joke, but it's in comic form!

[–]playingnice 1 point2 points ago

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I was thinking the same thing... heard it years ago... I just don't understand the title of the post

[–]saucemoney 2 points3 points ago

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Because the english in the comic is bad...?

[–]InvaderSkooge 0 points1 point ago

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Me think english fine

[–]pppihus 0 points1 point ago

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Bad? He got the you're and your right. That's better than most native English speakers in the Internet.

[–]saucemoney 0 points1 point ago

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Sure, but I quote, "I never know exactly what a consultant do?"

[–]Mattho 1 point2 points ago

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I've read it years ago; before I knew about internet. But again with different roles. It was two policemen; one reading some smart book of logic and one, well, not so smart. They used fish as the object defining your sexual orientation.

[–]Eldorian 1 point2 points ago

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This exact comic was on the front page of Reddit just a month or two ago.

[–]RanRanRuu 0 points1 point ago

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When I heard it, it went like this

Goldfish -> Pond -> Large yard -> large house -> Large family -> Lots of kids -> Plenty of sex with the wife -> No masturbation.

"Do you have goldfish?"

"No."

"You're a wanker!"

[–]obylix 0 points1 point ago

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Yea I heard the proffessor tractor version on a joke thread on 4 chan like 2 years ago...iv told it numerous times since

[–]ZipperLove 0 points1 point ago

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In the version i heard it was a lawnmower. Lawnmower=lawn=house=kids=wife=heterosexual

[–]Star_Bellied_Sneetch 26 points27 points ago

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I read this joke about 15 years ago and it was a neighbor talking to the guy moving in next door, and he taught deductive reasoning. Makes a little more sense than logic thinker.

[–]I_know_that_movie 0 points1 point ago

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That's the way I heard it as well.

[–]NameTak3r 76 points77 points ago

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None of that was even logical.

[–]jasmaree 90 points91 points ago

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Yeah, I can see why he got fired.

[–]zarraha 3 points4 points ago

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This is one of the few times where NONE, literally none of it was logical. It's not like that dumb proof that 1=2 where it's all good except for one step. No. Every Single Step is wrong.

[–]gizza 0 points1 point ago

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Most of the statements have some level of logic. But the one that really got me was the jump from loving animals to mean he really loved his kid, with no logical link between loving a dog and even having a kid.

[–]slireddit -1 points0 points ago

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So the thing is: None of those inferences actually used correct logic. a counter example could be provided for each. Meaning there exists a possible world where the premise(in the case the preceding claim) and the conclusion(the following inferred claim) is false.

[–]Bilibond 123 points124 points ago

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This whole comic was just an excuse to have that last panel.

[–]bradcar 47 points48 points ago

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and it worked (for me anyway)

[–]thumbsdown 2 points3 points ago

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You don't have a dog and you're gay? Or it worked for you meaning it made you laugh?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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If you don't get it, guess what?

You're gay. (points at you)

[–]Victawr 3 points4 points ago

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Have you heard the "Better Nate than lever" joke?

[–]CanORiceSoup 1 point2 points ago

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I'm still working on putting it in the style of this comic. It's coming along nicely, so I should be done in a year or two.

[–]BobbyDash 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, the punchline was pretty funny within the context but the guys so called logic was awful.

[–]toxicFork 1 point2 points ago

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Upvoted for cakes

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, most set ups are an excuse for the punchline.

[–]dnrchy1 0 points1 point ago

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you know what that means... http://imgur.com/HW92v

[–]furnaceofambition 16 points17 points ago

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Norm Macdonald telling this joke on Conan

[–]foot-in-mouth 3 points4 points ago

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Norm is the only comedian who can get 11 thousand views on youtube with 0 dislikes.

[–]TheSeaCow 5 points6 points ago

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now it does have one.....thanks asshole

[–]foot-in-mouth 0 points1 point ago

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Norm? Is that you? Sorry man.

[–]elshizzo 2 points3 points ago

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OP should've just linked here

[–]numperski 0 points1 point ago

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Pwn

[–]ci5ic -1 points0 points ago

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This. Came here to say it.

[–]Tickles_for_you 54 points55 points ago*

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I wouldn't be able to do this. I'd be too busy worrying about the alternatives and having a conversation like this:

Me: Do you have a dog?

Him: Yes.

Me: Then you must like animals!

Him: No, I don't even like this animal, I inherited him after my father died.

Me: Oh. Well do you have a kid?

Him: Yes.

Me: Then you must have a wife!

Him: No, just a pregnant ex. We separated after she found out she was a lesbian. I get to see him on weekends.

Me: Was the sex that terrible? If it was that terrible then you must be gay!.

Him: It was the best sex I ever had.

[–]villin609 -5 points-4 points ago

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so his argument was un-sound, not invalid logically. There is a difference.

[–]h4rpur 15 points16 points ago

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did you read any of this? none of it is logical, and it relies solely on fallacies.

[–]villin609 0 points1 point ago

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all his premises are false, which makes his argument ridiculous, but assuming they were true his argument would be logically valid. Its a simple A=>B B=>C and C=>D and A is true therefor D is true. The only logical flaw in the whole comic is the guy behind the counter saying if A is not true then D is not true.

[–]BZenMojo 0 points1 point ago

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Did you miss the part where it relies solely on fallacies? The only sound part of his argument was that he must like an animal.

[–]mershed_perderders 2 points3 points ago

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something something post hoc ergo propter hoc

[–]villin609 4 points5 points ago

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All I'm saying is that assuming that all the premises he put forth are true then his argument is valid. I fully understand that his premises are not true and therefor his argument is unsound.

[–]skrapasor 0 points1 point ago

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Not really. You could have a dog without liking animals. You could like animals without liking your kid. You could have a kid and no wife. You could have a wife and be gay.

[–]villin609 0 points1 point ago

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yes and that falls under "assuming that all the premises he put forth are true." For an argument to be valid it needs to be impossible that the conclusion is false when the premises are true, so saying the premises aren't true doesn't make the argument invalid, we have another term for that in logic, and its called unsound. This is an example of an unsound argument.

[–]skrapasor 2 points3 points ago

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The premise is that the man owns a dog. The conclusion is that he likes animals. The conclusion does not follow from the premise. That makes it invalid logic.

[–]Gawdzilla 0 points1 point ago

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I love your screenname. That is all.

[–]justaverage 14 points15 points ago

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A consultant is driving along in his brand new 750i along a rural road. He spots a sheep farmer along the side of the road and decides to have a bit of fun with him. He hops out of the car and says to the sheep farmer...

"If I can guess EXACTLY how many head of sheep you have, will you let me take one with me?"

The sheep farmer thinks it over, and figures why not. What are the odds that this guy is going to be able to guess exactly how many head of sheep he had?

So the consultant whips out his laptop, connects to a real time satellite feed showing video of all the farmers land. After a bit of calculation the consultant announces....

"You have exactly 379 sheep at this exact moment"

Impressed the farmer responds with "Well, a deal is a deal, take whichever sheep you want."

As the consultant is climbing into his car, the farmer shouts out to him "Hey, if I can guess what you do for a living, can I have my sheep back?"

The consultant thinks it over, and figures why not? Even if this country bumpkin could guess what he did, he still won't be out anything.

The farmer announces "You're a business consultant!"

Perplexed, the consultant asks "How did you know that?"

The farmer calmly replies "Well, you showed up here without me asking, charged me for information I already knew, and if it's all the same to you, I'd like my dog back."

[–]ngregge 7 points8 points ago

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Now repost this in the form of a crappy MS Paint comic in broken English for a karmic tidal wave.

[–]skrapasor 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, please do! It would be funnier than this shitty text joke.

[–]Dandroid 0 points1 point ago

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Originally heard this as a blonde who dyed her hair. Farmer cam back guessing she was blonde.

[–]JATION 4 points5 points ago

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I think the author may be from Croatia(especially considering the bad English, as OP has pointed out) or somewhere around, because I've heard this thing told as a joke here.

[–]PumaZ 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, I heard it from a Bosnian coworker of mine.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Personal_Detective 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, I heard it from a Colombian coworker of mine.

[–]skrapasor 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, I heard it from a guy down in Columbus too.

[–]Becer 3 points4 points ago

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This joke has got to be older then the internet.

[–]stevo_knevo 2 points3 points ago

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Nothing is older than the internet!

[–]flinxsl 2 points3 points ago

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For some reason I wanted to read that in a russian accent. I think it is the way it is so minimalist with the amount of words.

[–]ThaddyG 6 points7 points ago

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LOGIC THINKER?!

[–]3dpornAdPlacement 1 point2 points ago

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im more of a drinker of logic.

[–]UnicornKnight 2 points3 points ago

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Why do i seem to remember reading this comic on reddit but with perfect English?

[–]spikebaylor 0 points1 point ago

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I was thinking the same thing. I swear that exact comic was just up, and i don't remember the english being that bad, but maybe I wasn't paying attention.

[–]johngaden 4 points5 points ago

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LOGIC THINKER?

[–]ProPuke 1 point2 points ago

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LOUD NOISES

[–]DayMares 9 points10 points ago

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lol i thought that was seriously funny. good job i have three dogs then

[–]dclowd9901 22 points23 points ago

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Did you just tell yourself "good job"?

[–]DayMares 17 points18 points ago

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No I told Reddit

[–]RanchWithEverything 19 points20 points ago

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http://i.imgur.com/FcbiC.jpg

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]explodingzebras 2 points3 points ago

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yo dawg...

[–]twonx 1 point2 points ago

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hey man that's not xzibit

[–]webbitor 3 points4 points ago

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In some English dialects, "good job" means "fortunately".

[–]throwaway2481632 0 points1 point ago

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overcompensation

[–]Darkblitz9 2 points3 points ago

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Could you wait more than two days to repost something?

[–]mul4mbo 1 point2 points ago

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what site is this from? Cite.

[–]NJDevils30 6 points7 points ago

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reddit.com

[–]lol_fps_newbie 1 point2 points ago

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Why can everyone else seem to read this comic but I can't? :(

[–]skrapasor 1 point2 points ago

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You must be gay!

[–]Darkenvail 1 point2 points ago

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There was an old mathematician on youtube that did this joke but started with a lawnmower instead. He really told it well, I wish I could remember his name or what the video is.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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By tomorrow this face will be all over /r/f7u12.

[–]Peglegsteve265 1 point2 points ago

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This has been done before, with a lawnmower. Still amusing though, so upvoted.

[–]spirited1 1 point2 points ago

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laughed for a full five minutes.

[–]NeuralNet 1 point2 points ago

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Wrong. Mustache makes him gay.

[–]Dutch8az 1 point2 points ago

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repost, bitch

[–]mac_user_1783349403 1 point2 points ago

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In Soviet Russia, logic thinks you!

[–]nickv123 1 point2 points ago

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id anyone else notice the very small little guy with a jesters hat on at the bottom of the last pannel?

[–]studmuffffffin 4 points5 points ago

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Guess I better get a dog.

[–]PoshyX 17 points18 points ago

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And a kid.

... On second thought, I'd rather just be gay.

[–]slinkymaster 0 points1 point ago

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laughing way harder than i should be

[–]VelocitySteve 2 points3 points ago

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Ancient joke reposted in a poorly drawn c/p'd comic? 1200 UPVOTES!

[–]raphamuffin 2 points3 points ago

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Not that funny, but the last panel alone made me crack up. The face. Oy.

[–]operator_isaac[S] 6 points7 points ago

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You know, that's really what did it for me as well.

[–]RWYAEV 0 points1 point ago

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Isn't that generally the point of punchlines?

[–]raphamuffin 0 points1 point ago

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No, but just the last panel out of context would have been as funny.

[–]aazav 2 points3 points ago

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It's "comic artist's", not "comic artists". It's possessive, not plural.

[–]operator_isaac[S] 0 points1 point ago

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You know, I have the hardest time with that and should have taken the time to check my work, but didn't think it'd blow up like this. So the apostrophe s is to be used when it is plural or it's a conjunction?

[–]jimmux 5 points6 points ago

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Ye's.

[–]skrapasor 0 points1 point ago

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Contraction, but yes.

[–]operator_isaac[S] 2 points3 points ago

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Who needs an education when you have reddit? Am I right!? haha...haha...guys?

Guys?

[–]InvaderSkooge 1 point2 points ago

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Get off the stage!

[–]aazav 0 points1 point ago

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AHA! Glad you wrote back. You only use the apostrophe when it's a conjunction OR is indicating possession. But when in doubt, the conjunction wins. It's = it is.

So here ya go:

The cats = more than one cat.  Plural
The cat's whiskers = one cat, who has many whiskers. Possessive
The cats' whiskers = more than one cat and these cats have whiskers.  Plural possessive

Don't bend the cat's whiskers, it's not cool = don't bend the whiskers of that cat. Possessive
Don't bend the cat's whiskers, that's not cool = the same thing. Possessive
Don't bend the cats' whiskers, it's not cool = don't bend the whiskers of those cats. Plural possessive

It's = it is
Its = The thing that belongs to it.

That's mostly it = that is mostly it.

[–]procrastinationwin 0 points1 point ago

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And the universal message is: If you don't own a dog you're gay. That's just logic.

[–]IFellinLava 0 points1 point ago

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Im gay and my dog is a pitbull. Dogs are actually really popular with gay guys so this comic makes no sense.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Dogs are really popular with all sorts people. That's [part of the reason] why this comic makes no sense.

[–]IFellinLava 1 point2 points ago

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exactly

[–]supercoolguy37 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCRCd0r4ZIQ

[–]Alexis_ 0 points1 point ago

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It was better with a lawn mover instead of a dog :)

[–]Elumako 0 points1 point ago

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My God, it's the Uncle Touchy face.

[–]TwhiT 0 points1 point ago

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At least he used "You're" correctly, wish I could say the same for some of my other fellow English-speakers.

[–]collapsethelung 0 points1 point ago

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Your move, f7u12.

[–]Kidderboots 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote for the bartender calling that guy gay while holding an ?egg?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I know a joke just like that except the sequence goes: 1. Do you like fishbowls? Then you must love fish. 2. If you love fish you must love the beach. 3. If you love the beach you must love girls in bikinis. 4. If you love girls in bikinis then you're not gay! Been telling that joke to my friends for years, it's great :)

[–]Iamthetophergopher 0 points1 point ago

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I couldn't take my eye off the hitler stache though...

[–]Silentio 0 points1 point ago

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"Cartoonist"

[–]GunRaptor 0 points1 point ago

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That was amazing.

[–]BPhair 0 points1 point ago

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My dad raised me, and we had a dog. He didn't have a wife, though. Is my dad gay?

[–]FranMan32 0 points1 point ago

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I still liked it some.

[–]vinfx 0 points1 point ago*

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If anyone is interested, a TL;DR version

http://i.imgur.com/RDOzd.png

(And because multipage comics with fluff chitter chatter are irritating.)

[–]FaKeShAdOw 0 points1 point ago

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I lol'd

[–]originalnutta 0 points1 point ago

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I literally lol'ed. Not that fake "oh, lol" bullshit. No sir. I actually opened my mouth and guffawed a slight bit.

[–]omnilynx 0 points1 point ago

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Actually, I'm pretty sure that English is the artist's first language.

[–]handygrl90 0 points1 point ago

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The joke has been around for a while, the comic not as long.

[–]joke-away 0 points1 point ago

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It was funnier as a newfie joke.

Newfie: Lord Tundrin' Geeses Bye, What do you do for a livin'?

Mainlander: Well, I'm a Psychoanalyst.

Newfie: Psychoanalyst, What the Heck is that?

Mainlander: It's hard to explain so I'll give you an example.

Mainlander: Do you own a Fishtank?

Newfie: Yes, I got a tank.

Mainlander: Well, I bet you like fish then?

Newfie: Yeah, I like fish.

Mainlander: Well, if you like fish then you probably like the water.

Newfie: Yeah, I love the water.

Mainlander: Well, if you like the water, then you probably like to go to the beach.

Newfie: I love to go the beach.

Mainlander: I bet you like to look at girls in bikinis while you're at the beach.

Newfie: You betcha.

Mainlander: And as you're looking at girls on the beach I bet you think about taking them home and having your way with them.

Newfie: Gosh, How did you know that?

Mainlander: Well, that's what a Psychoanalyst is.

Newfie: Oh.

The Newfie was goin back to St. John's and started to talk to another Mainlander on the plane.

Newfie: Hi, How ya doin?

Mainlander: Oh, fine I guess.

Newfie: I'm a Psychoanalyst.

Mainlander: You're a Psychoanalyst?

Newfie: Yeah, let me explain it to ya.

Newfie: Do you own a fishtank?

Mainlander: No.

Newfie: What are ya!? Some kind of faggot?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I heard it as: this guy goes to take classes at a community college, his classes are english, math, psychology, physics and logic. "Logic?" the man says, "whats that?" "Here I'll show you," says the administrator. Do you have a lawnmower?" "Yes." "Well logic tells me that if you have a lawnmower than you have a yard." "Yes that's true." "And logic also tells me that if you have a yard you have a house." "Yes that's true as well." "And if you have a house, logic would tell me that you probably have a family." "Yes i do have a family." "And by that i can tell that you have a wife." "Yes, yes i do, she is beautiful." "See and by that logic tells me that you are a heterosexual." "Wow, thats incredible you were able to tell all that by the fact that i had a lawnmower!"

Excited about what he had learn the man goes to tell his friends about the new classes he is taking. He tells his friend his list of classes. His friend asks, "Logic, what's that?" "Ok, Ok, it works like this... Do you have a lawnmower?" "Nope." "You're gay."

[–]brickaney 0 points1 point ago

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I've heard almost the same exact joke but with a tractor and it's an old Ole & Sven joke.

[–]Raseth84 0 points1 point ago

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Old joke is old.

[–]nusmesa 0 points1 point ago

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repost

[–]brianm314 0 points1 point ago

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This is older than the internet.

[–]xyroclast 0 points1 point ago

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There's a logic gap between the love of animals / love of kid part, though... Nothing indicates that he has a kid...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Same thing with kid / wife, as there are plenty of single dads out there.

[–]xyroclast 1 point2 points ago

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True that. This comic would be funnier if somehow the original logic were airtight.

[–]benjamari214 0 points1 point ago

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brilliant.

[–]sevendarkdays 0 points1 point ago

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I have 20 dogs, it's true, and i was just on my way to adopt another 5.

[–]stlouisbrowns 0 points1 point ago

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BRILLIANT

[–]tendeuchen 0 points1 point ago

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When did we start making bad comics out of bad jokes?

[–]77d7c587534dc32f83fd 0 points1 point ago

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"having a dog" "having a family"

these statements have no direct correlation.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I know how this will sound, but I really knew this joke since before reddit even existed.. I think. my grandfather told me a similar one with peasants or farmers..

[–]shenpen 0 points1 point ago

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I've heard this joke in Hungary at least 20 years ago, although with a fish tank and not a dog.

[–]Rivilan 0 points1 point ago

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Oh shit dude, this was made by someone from FunnyJunk. All hell is going to break lose if they find out..

[–]sosopurple 0 points1 point ago

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As a management consultant, i lol'd hard and am forwarding this to a couple guys in the office.

[–]NoDude 0 points1 point ago

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I'm not sure if it's original material, but I've seen this joke on the Bulgarian show Tuturutka about 15 years ago.

[–]Feodalherre 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed out loud!

[–]cmha-yes -1 points0 points ago

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haha, actually lol'ed

[–]Envy_This -5 points-4 points ago

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hhhaahhhahahaah

[–]glazeeblazen -1 points0 points ago

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Bravo.

[–]3dpornAdPlacement -1 points0 points ago

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who doesn't like animal?

[–]weighted_companion -3 points-2 points ago

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I'm at the barber shop right now. Now everyone is looking at me like I'm an idiot as I laugh hysterically by myself. IDGAF! Lmfao! XD

[–]terriblecomic -2 points-1 points ago

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shut up forever

[–]petitepoupee -1 points0 points ago

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I read that in a German accent, because my German ex-boyfriend used to make some of the same mistakes when speaking English.

[–]puadxe -1 points0 points ago

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Your ass needs to learn how to place word bubbles.

[–]VoxNihilii -1 points0 points ago

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-shitty art

-barely coherent

-punchline can easily be guessed several panels early

-joke is basically "lol GAY"

-front page

[–]jguins13161 -2 points-1 points ago

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TL;DR

[–]InvaderSkooge 0 points1 point ago

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Guy's gay

[–]jguins13161 -1 points0 points ago

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ask your mom if im gay

[–]InvaderSkooge 0 points1 point ago

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Dumbass, I wasn't calling YOU gay

[–]jguins13161 0 points1 point ago

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y u no more specific who u call gay????

[–]InvaderSkooge 0 points1 point ago

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Read the damn comic

[–]jguins13161 0 points1 point ago

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do u have a dog?

[–]InvaderSkooge 0 points1 point ago

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Theere ya go :P And yes, I have 2. but I don't think the rest of this comic applies to teenagers

[–]misterhand02 -2 points-1 points ago

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That could have been done in four panels. I mean. Seriously. But at least the text was small enough to be barely readable. How the fuck does this horse shit make the first page?

New rule? Any comic with more than... oh... let's be generous and say... FIVE PANELS? Any comic over five panels let's please downvote to oblivion.

And here comes the downvote brigade on this comment, if past precedent is to be a predictor.

But I don't care. Comics are meant to be quick and witty. Not long and, "Why am I still looking at these shitty little drawings?" That is the antithesis of funny.

[–]Harleynator -1 points0 points ago

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I actually laughed [=

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