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top 200 commentsshow all 331

[–]savageboredom 133 points134 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]hotgirlontheinternet[S] 99 points100 points ago

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That would be so much better if the quality of the tattoo was actually decent.

[–]monathebeatnik 18 points19 points ago

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Truth

[–]UncleMadness 21 points22 points ago

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It looks salvageable to me. He should do that. Salvage it.

[–]Underthefigtree 16 points17 points ago

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How exactly? Talk to me like I'm stupid.

[–]klackity 33 points34 points ago

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Not that I'm an expert on these things, but...

A talented artist who is creative enough can turn a bad, sketchy piece of art into a good one. For example, this guy can turn what look like drawings of penises into anything he likes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j19Aoe9EUVY

In this case, perhaps a good tattoo artist can turn his mediocre shark into an awesome shark. Of course it would take creative vision to even imagine how to fix it, which we simple-minded folk don't have.

[–]LT_Dangle 9 points10 points ago

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I can't watch youtube at work, but how many people are getting tattoos of penises?

[–]catvllvs 12 points13 points ago

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[–]eta_carinae_311 2 points3 points ago

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who gets into an argument with someone and then lets them give them a tattoo??

[–]klackity 4 points5 points ago

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They are just penis doodles on pen and paper. He turns them into birds, people, and other things, and you can hardly tell there was a penis there in the first place.

But a good tattoo artist can do something similar with skin.

[–]Ble_h 1 point2 points ago

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Yea...once you see the penis, you can't unsee it >_>

[–]hdcs 5 points6 points ago

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Indeed. Just as in nature, dolphin bests shark.

[–]higherme 1 point2 points ago

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Note: despite the dolphin you're still an asshole!

[–]xampl9 2 points3 points ago

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We're gonna need a bigger up-boat.

[–]Pravusmentis 312 points313 points ago

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And that's why you always leave a note.

[–]NothingHasBeenFixed 330 points331 points ago

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And that's why you always leave a note.

FTFY

[–]blackjeezus 141 points142 points ago

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Took me a while. Well done.

[–]Kentyfish 9 points10 points ago

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I'd even seen him twice before...always gets me

[–]petrobonal -1 points0 points ago

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Is it really? I know r/pics isn't exactly the bastion of intellectual discussion, but still.

[–]castellammare 83 points84 points ago

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It took me a shockingly long time to see what you did there.

[–]autumnrayne464079 16 points17 points ago

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I still cant see it.

[–]Cavemencrazy 40 points41 points ago

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If you take your dog to get neutered... than bring him home and he starts pumpin' out puppies. What has been fixed?

[–]TheDeanMan 52 points53 points ago

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he starts pumpin' out puppies

Well, somethings been fixed to cause a boy dog to be having puppies.

[–]DoctorMidnight 30 points31 points ago

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Well shit now I'm really freaking confused.

[–]TheMojoHand 10 points11 points ago

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Males are neutered, females are spayed.

[–]DoctorMidnight 10 points11 points ago

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But it's still a he pumping out puppies. (not a she)

[–]TheMojoHand 3 points4 points ago

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Then perhaps I am confused about what has confused you.

[–]grindoc 21 points22 points ago

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note his user name

[–]danimalplanet 3 points4 points ago

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nothing was ...oh never mind

[–]rtothewin 7 points8 points ago

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So glad yall exist, I would still be looking.

[–]FuQuam 1 point2 points ago

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Dammit. Every. Time.

[–]gyelle9 1 point2 points ago

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getting a little bit used to reddit. it only took me two rereads.

[–]lilmac 3 points4 points ago

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Son of a bitch, I fell for it again!!

[–]vspazv 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you! I have trouble reading without the indentation.

[–]jgonzalf 3 points4 points ago

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You get me every single time, on every single thread. Good use of novelty account. ::thumbs up::

[–]evolve18 5 points6 points ago

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Holy shit. Yes. Everything about this, yes. This made me so happy, I blue myself.

[–]theresaviking 2 points3 points ago

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[–]LT_Dangle 3 points4 points ago

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Last time is was balls. I wish it was balls 8/

[–]Prooffreader 260 points261 points ago

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I'd give my right arm to have a tattoo like that.

[–]ryanvsrobots 38 points39 points ago

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That can be arranged...

[–]joetromboni 14 points15 points ago

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trade arm for a bottle-nosed bitch pleaser

mission accomplished

[–]ryanvsrobots 1 point2 points ago

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Or a bottle-opener!

[–]CommandZ 27 points28 points ago*

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At first glance I thought I had been tricked into staring at a penis...

[–]LT_Dangle 1 point2 points ago

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I'm still kind of convinced that I was.

[–]fundamental 57 points58 points ago

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If I could get any animal it would be a dolphin. I want one so bad. Me and my mom went swimming with dolphins and I was like, 'How do we get one of those?' and she was like, 'You can't get a dolphin. What are you gonna do, like, put it in your pool?' Miley Cyrus

[–]Look_Sexual_Innuendo 101 points102 points ago

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Me and my mom went swimming

and she was like

put it in

or

I want

my mom

and she was like, 'You can't

put it in

or

What are you gonna do

put it in

Miley Cyrus

[–]TheMauveAvenger 29 points30 points ago

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Ahh, she's just bein' Miley.

[–]turtlegirl42 1 point2 points ago

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LOL I was wondering what you'd been up to lately, Look_Sexual_Innuendo. This one is a three-part and I approve.

[–]Pravusmentis 23 points24 points ago

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[–]StochasticOoze 1 point2 points ago

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I'm sure she has enough money to build a dolphin habitat.

That said, it's not really fair to the dolphins.

[–]anexanhume 529 points530 points ago

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I admire this man. He recognizes everything happens for a porpoise.

[–]MechaCanada 12 points13 points ago

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correction: *Beaches** love dolphins.

[–]frozenfire 25 points26 points ago

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[cetacean needed]

[–]junolife 161 points162 points ago

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That tattoo came out very whale.

[–]smheee 167 points168 points ago

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It definitely gets my seal of approval.

[–]snarkinator 105 points106 points ago

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You otter know that he is thankful.

[–]AlexTheLion 173 points174 points ago

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Manatee shirt would not fit well on that.

[–]davideo71 82 points83 points ago

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think this suits him better than a turtleneck

[–]joebobfrank 87 points88 points ago

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Now we're just crabbing at straws.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Tattered69 62 points63 points ago

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This man is a true boss. Do we nemo proof?

[–]imbiber 36 points37 points ago

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We could use more proof. Try coming at it from a different angler.

[–]Ninjaxcore 9 points10 points ago

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I would like to seagulls who like this.

[–]mxchickmagnet86 7 points8 points ago

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O now your just fishing for answers.

[–]piray003 9 points10 points ago

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maybe he's just angling for a laugh.

[–]grasseffect 7 points8 points ago

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Do you think he chose a dolphin because bitches love them orcas he has always been a Lisa Frank fan?

[–]vincent21212 1 point2 points ago

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It give it my walrus of approval

[–]radtechphotogirl 19 points20 points ago

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I sea what you did there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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That tattoo is so gnarr.

[–]loneworker 2 points3 points ago

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Stop sea-horsing around and get back to reddit !

[–]buncle 49 points50 points ago

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If the bitch doesn't like it, he can flipper off!

[–]Hurlz 17 points18 points ago

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No he can't :(

[–]feureau 5 points6 points ago

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Well, he can flip 'er off with the nose thingy.

[–]squashbanana 14 points15 points ago

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This just made my evening. Thank you.

[–]bobbybusche 2 points3 points ago

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I dont know why you were downvoted, this is probably the best and non cliche pun comment I have seen on Reddit.

[–]IfoundItForYou 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]DriftThruTime 5 points6 points ago

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I most certainly Ecco this sentiment.

[–]Kerns_Nectar 14 points15 points ago

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I wonder if that dolphin eats tuna.

It might only be a 2 inch nub, but It can stay hard for days.

[–]ENKC 4 points5 points ago

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I'm slightly disturbed at what kind of innuendo you could be implying.

[–]sggrant323 13 points14 points ago

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I'm slightly aroused at what kind of innuendo you could be implying.

[–]Diabolic67th 45 points46 points ago

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MY NUB IS A DOLPHIN!

[–]Reaction_On_My_Nub 196 points197 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]mrsande 14 points15 points ago

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You are so awesome in so many ways

[–]bean_curd 10 points11 points ago

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CTRL + F

"Nub"

YES!!!

[–]enigmamonkey 6 points7 points ago*

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Whale, I'm stumped. Still, a wonderful summation of cetacean sensation, nonetheless.

[–]Atario 3 points4 points ago

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I must know: what kind of markers are you using that you can wipe them off at will without rubbing yourself raw?

[–]AppleAtrocity 1 point2 points ago

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Eyeliner? That is my guess.

[–]Diabolic67th 1 point2 points ago

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Is that a derpy narhwal?

[–]enigmamonkey 34 points35 points ago

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Where's Reaction_On_My_Nub when you need her?

[–]Moldybooks 3 points4 points ago

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Thats the first thing I thought of, so I scanned the list and found your post. Close enough , Im sure she will show up, I think all nubs have a built in radar or something.

[–]enigmamonkey 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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FYI Reaction_On_My_Nub just replied to the parent post!

[–]OGB 1 point2 points ago

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If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though, it's Hambone.

My favorite from Jack Handy

[–]akrominii 23 points24 points ago

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He made that stitch a dolphin... stitches love dolphins.

[–]hotgirlontheinternet[S] 8 points9 points ago

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You sir, are more clever than I.

[–]oligobop 4 points5 points ago

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Wait a second. That chest hair... That beard... There's no way you are even remotely on the internet.

[–]hotgirlontheinternet[S] 3 points4 points ago

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I never said the picture was me.

[–]the_infinite 17 points18 points ago

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Nice! I'd like to hear this little lady's reaction though.

[–]No-Shit-Sherlock 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]mogggsta123 8 points9 points ago

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That's awesome dude! a 3D tatt!

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

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Removing your arm just so your dolphin tattoo looks more realistic. That's incredible dedication.

[–]kyrodes 2 points3 points ago

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maybe some bitches enjoy bottlenose penetration too

[–]WackMachine 1 point2 points ago

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It's just another form of cunninglingus

[–]WarPhalange 11 points12 points ago

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You and Reaction_On_My_Nub should get together.

[–]grandballoon 3 points4 points ago

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Bitchin'.

[–]steimes 5 points6 points ago

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I know about 3 girls that would be down with this is it was done in the style of Lisa Frank

[–]Spatulamarama 8 points9 points ago

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Google Lisa Frank. Throw up a little.

[–]steimes 4 points5 points ago

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She is the female Thomas Kincade of our generation

[–]snarkinator 4 points5 points ago

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...on acid.

[–]aakaakaak 4 points5 points ago

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There's something missing here. I can't put my finger on it: http://vision02.com/wp-content/uploads/Audacious_Amputee_Tattoos_1.jpg

[–]BAXChamp 3 points4 points ago

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My hand is a dolphin!

Oh, wait...

[–]Anticonformism 3 points4 points ago

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Now he ca't go to japan without being speared to death.

[–]Pravusmentis 2 points3 points ago

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They say you gotta have a sense of humor about these things; although that eye kinda freaks me out

[–]j50n 2 points3 points ago

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Can you make a video of you wiggling the nub? Thanks.

[–]Boredpotatoe2 1 point2 points ago

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The way you phrased that sounds like you actively look for videos of amputees wigglin...uhh...forget I said anything. Carry on...

[–]zeuxo 2 points3 points ago

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it took me a few seconds to figure out where that tatoo was...

[–]giraffe_giraffe 1 point2 points ago

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it took me a few minutes to figure out what body part that was...

[–]strangerdream 2 points3 points ago

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WTF is the nipple doing there?

[–]liberalwhackjob 2 points3 points ago

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came here to say this... why is this the only nipple related post???? obviously it's not a nipple and we're crazy or it is an nipple and the rest of the world is crazy,.

[–]CodyPhoto 2 points3 points ago

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Any chance that his arm was bitten off by a shark and then he was saved by a group of dolphins?

[–]cellodude530 2 points3 points ago

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I can't believe you cut off your arm just for this tattoo!!

[–]karlbarx 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry you lost your arm, at least you gained a bottle nose.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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It looks like Alf. An Alf dolphin.

[–]BraveRutherford 1 point2 points ago

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I'd like to see a reaction on some girls nub...

[–]KissMyAsthma98 1 point2 points ago

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they told me I could become anything...

So I became a dolphin.

[–]trixt0r 1 point2 points ago

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Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

[–]EvilHom3r 1 point2 points ago

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MY HAND IS A DOLPHIN.

[–]buckleybuckeroo 1 point2 points ago

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Whats wrong with your Shoooooooulder?

[–]Mopsicle 1 point2 points ago

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I want to see a video of him moving his arm really fast

[–]reeksofhavoc 1 point2 points ago

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That is so creepy. D:

[–]VeggieBLT 1 point2 points ago

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BITCHES LOVVE WWHALES

[–]FriedMattato 1 point2 points ago

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Does it say something bad about me that my first assumption was that it was a dick?

[–]timothygruich 1 point2 points ago

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You're gonna regret it in 40 years when it looks like an elephant.

[–]Skwiggity 1 point2 points ago

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I was impressed until I realized he could have just as easily turned his stub into a fucking Yoshi. Dammit.

[–]civicman 1 point2 points ago

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MY hand ARM IS A DOLPHIN!

[–]goatfucker 1 point2 points ago

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creeeeeepy

[–]a_w_y 1 point2 points ago

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I wasn't sure what that was for a while, had me stumped...

[–]stirfried 1 point2 points ago

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I always figured if this happened to me I'd get Kuato from Total Recall.

[–]npersons274 1 point2 points ago

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Important question: did it hurt alot on the scar tissue? I'm thinkin of gettin one to cover up a scar...

[–]bh3nch0d 1 point2 points ago

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omg for a sec I thought it was a penis

[–]MaximusQuackhandle 1 point2 points ago

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[–]xervesk 1 point2 points ago

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.... Am I the only female redditor that would be turned off by this?

[–]marchingpigster 1 point2 points ago

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.... Am I the only male redditor that gets turned on by this?

[–]Surprise_Buttsecks 1 point2 points ago

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[–]AbheekEB 1 point2 points ago

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OMFG. 1- I didn't get what that was for like 20 seconds.

2- That's fucking awesome. Mad respect.

[–]pianistenvy 1 point2 points ago

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Wait a minute, this guy's not a hotgirlontheinternet!!

[–]ripple024 5 points6 points ago

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I went to Florida several months ago. I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

[–]ireland123 8 points9 points ago

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What. The. Fuck.

[–]enigmamonkey 2 points3 points ago

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Where's Reaction_On_My_Nub when you need her?

[–]phineas_t_lodepauper 1 point2 points ago

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personally, i would have gone with yoshi

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I clicked this link expecting an actual Yoshi tattoo. Disappointment.

[–]Pravusmentis 4 points5 points ago

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Considering that he is one handed, he probably doesn't game much.

[–]D14BL0 3 points4 points ago

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[–]castellammare 5 points6 points ago

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The gentlemen is correct in proving him wrong.

[–]TheCannon 0 points1 point ago

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It was either the dolphin or Jimmy Durante.

[–]dudecooler 0 points1 point ago

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My hand was a dolphin...

[–]Crochetniac 0 points1 point ago

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Amputee win.

[–]thepizzadeliveryguy 0 points1 point ago

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this is too fucking awesome

[–]J_Ringo 0 points1 point ago

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Correct. Bitches do love dolphins!

[–]Mrsteddyruxpin 0 points1 point ago

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That is the coolest thing i have ever seen! AWESOME.

[–]TedW99point1 0 points1 point ago

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whys the dolphin on fire :*(

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Better do what he says...he's a dolphin biologist.

[–]woofers02 0 points1 point ago

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Your meme-ing needs work.

[–]bobafoote 0 points1 point ago

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"Wookin' Pa Nub in all da wong paces. Wookin ' Pa Nub."

[–]LudwigLobsters 0 points1 point ago

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OP is awesome, These puns are awesome, these posters are awesome, this is thread of the month.

[–]CEverii 0 points1 point ago

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Should have made it into Squidward.

[–]TheSmallThingsInLife 0 points1 point ago

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i've never seen anybody embrace their imperfection to this degree

[–]lotsamozza 0 points1 point ago

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OH GOD THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR ARM

[–]Vyder 0 points1 point ago

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We need a reaction on a nub to this. Can someone hit that guy up?

[–]Kennethpowers 0 points1 point ago

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When he gets with a lovely lady, I wonder how he'll flipper over.

[–]longshot 0 points1 point ago

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They'll call it flipper, flipper, flipper.

[–]RenoRanger 0 points1 point ago

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Took me 3 sec to figure out where that was on the body. I took longer to appreciate the uniqueness.

[–]rabblerabble2000 0 points1 point ago

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That's dedication...cutting off your arm for the sake of art. Amazing.

[–]hi_im_nick 0 points1 point ago

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Cant....stop...staring...

[–]GJNUB 0 points1 point ago

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[–]balaklavaman067 0 points1 point ago

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DAE look at that in horror, thinking it was some horrible growth on his shoulder with a dolphin tattooed on it, only to realize it was the stump of his arm and be relieved?

[–]goonsack 0 points1 point ago

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That is amazing. If I were him I would waggle my nubbin around while making high-pitched whistles and clicks.

[–]Ih8MySlutEx 0 points1 point ago

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rule 34?

[–]pgriffin9 0 points1 point ago

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i love dolphins.

[–]T1K1 0 points1 point ago

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I think an elephant seal would have looked more realistic.

[–]bomherb 0 points1 point ago

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CAN'T BE UNSEEN

[–]MrDanger 0 points1 point ago

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I hate tattoos, but that is fucking cool.

[–]evolve18 0 points1 point ago

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Best. Fucking. Tattoo. EVER. This just made my day...and I had a shitty day, so thanks.

[–]lorax108 0 points1 point ago

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that is awesome and creepy....

[–]curteman20 0 points1 point ago

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oh wow that is crazy!yeah quality tat should be better.

[–]Incalite 0 points1 point ago

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Stub of a man.

[–]itsHIMM 0 points1 point ago

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Or Yoshi.. bitches love Yoshi.

[–]RandomSikh 0 points1 point ago

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That means u had to jackoff with your left hand :|

[–]Jaleon 0 points1 point ago

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Upvotes for positivity!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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yum

[–]JohnBradlelum 0 points1 point ago

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I thought "it" was going to be his wang.

[–]phroxen 0 points1 point ago

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Coolest (and most creative) tattoo design I have ever seen. Props.

[–]Argospanoptes 0 points1 point ago

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Dick he tattoo his dick like a moray eel?

[–]ithunk 0 points1 point ago

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Umm, I'm confused. A dolphin ate his arm?

[–]wolfzero 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like Dr. Biber is still doing dolphinoplasty.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154792/dolphinoplasty

[–]Camileah 0 points1 point ago

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I think it took me a full minute to realize what part of his body it was.