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top 200 commentsshow all 271

[–]lplp00 615 points616 points ago

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I am so glad I did not have a digital camera or internet access as a child.

[–][deleted] 177 points178 points ago

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I did but I didn't put pictures of myself on the internet.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Veeoh 115 points116 points ago

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and THEN I checked the username. I love you.

[–]ThePerdmeister 183 points184 points ago*

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Why is every other account a bloody novelty account now? Remember when you could read comments with some confidence that they wouldn't turn out to be the Reddit equivalent of the Bel-Air bait-and-switch copypasta?

[–]SidViciious 18 points19 points ago

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What i don't get it how people possibly manage to always be there when their username is relevant. I'm absolutely certain there is a ton of comment karma I'm missing out on because I can't find all the dead celebrity/punk/sex pistols comments

[–]Dickyw 12 points13 points ago

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This was pointed out to me yesterday as one way of doing such a thing. http://metareddit.com/monitor

[–]poonahny 2 points3 points ago

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Oh Lordy there goes another major part of my productivity. Thank you so much, unknown fellow redditor.

[–]happybadger 0 points1 point ago

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Protip: Setting this up for your subreddits makes it super easy to respond to posts concerning them across the site. BAM.

[–]DungeonMasterofLife 9 points10 points ago

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You spent too many skill points in perform and drug use, and not enough in perception. Might I suggest deleting yourself and rerolling a new person. Oh, good, I see you've taken the first step.

[–]SidViciious 2 points3 points ago

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That wasn't very nice

[–]appropriate-username 2 points3 points ago

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I'm always relevant.

[–][deleted] 166 points167 points ago

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Oh geez you are right....

[–]dahud 12 points13 points ago

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You've been at this for 5 months. Keep up the good work.

[–]hunteriam 11 points12 points ago

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Don't Anger Them

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]didihearthatright 13 points14 points ago

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Did you just call the mother fucking safety dance pathetic...? Edit: Oh God, I swear, this isn't a novelty account.

[–]safetydance 1 point2 points ago

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I challenge you to a duel.

[–]levirules 1 point2 points ago

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I could keep this going... Remember when you could read something on the internet that didn't include words like "copypasta", sentences like "This.", and links with the preface "I'll just leave this here"?

[–]Absentprofessor 1 point2 points ago

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Hahahaaa great username.. wait, I don't get it.

[–]fashizzIe 2 points3 points ago

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i loathe novelty accounts...

[–]DrMAttMD 0 points1 point ago

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My diagnosis: Karmawhoreussyphalidus.

[–]pandemic1444 0 points1 point ago

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This is a story all about how my life got twist turned up side down...

Not that?

[–]eric-tile 1 point2 points ago

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He... is... FUNNYBOT!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Arnakin 14 points15 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]IZ3820 4 points5 points ago

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Not as terrible if female...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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The problem was you needed something bigger than pencils and drumsticks.

[–]byleth 3 points4 points ago

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No wonder your drummer sounded like shit.

[–]bmart444 1 point2 points ago

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awwkward

[–]INEXCUSABLE 2 points3 points ago

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wat

[–]dick_long_wigwam 5 points6 points ago

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Neither did I, but I still found pictures of myself on the internet.

[–]pepitawu 5 points6 points ago

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TRUE THAT.

[–]PfionaBW 6 points7 points ago

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This is something that I tell myself every day.

[–]koki 0 points1 point ago

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My little cousin (14ish now) added me on FB, and everytime he posts that's what I keep thinking of. Thank mighty FSM I only had the combination of these two after 18.

Not that I didn't do plenty of stupid shit, but still.....

[–]The_Old_Regime 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote for a fellow pastafarian

[–]VelvetSunset 67 points68 points ago

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I always imagined him putting this up on facebook and saying he was a drug dealer.

[–]passing_ruffian 90 points91 points ago

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I think you meant m y s p a c e

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points ago

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My [_________________]**

[–]Lurk_Long_Time[S] 29 points30 points ago

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How dare you.

[–]thatoneguy5000000 13 points14 points ago

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This is an 81 Honda!

[–]millionsofmonkeys 31 points32 points ago

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I own a Dodge Stratus!

[–]Absolutedisgrace 9 points10 points ago

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I'm own a ford airbag.

[–]theredlight 7 points8 points ago

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You got killed by a Daewoo Lanos motherfucker!

[–]mehrlicht 5 points6 points ago

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I wish you weren't a liar.

[–]BDaught 2 points3 points ago

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You don't talk about my Dodge Stratus that way!

[–]ilikemustard 327 points328 points ago

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BITCH I GET HIGH... biscus.

[–]LOLSTRALIA 57 points58 points ago

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BITCH I GET HIGH..biscuits.

[–]enjoiglobes2 43 points44 points ago

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brb making high biscuits

[–]herbalpirate 12 points13 points ago

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Bitch I want extra biscuits.

[–]Felt_Ninja 8 points9 points ago

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I'm Rick James, biscuit!

[–]bebeschtroumph 2 points3 points ago

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Why the hell would you complain about that!? I could see still wanting your extra biscuits, but, honestly, reporting the guy to the police? What a dick!

[–]smokebudsmoke 2 points3 points ago

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[6] now I want biscuits.

[–]HijodelSol 144 points145 points ago

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I'm pretty sure that's not any variety of hibiscus.

[–]HeroicJeff 59 points60 points ago

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That really bothered me. I thought to myself, "That looks nothing like hibiscus." to search the comments about it not being hibiscus... And yours is the only one.

[–]Lurk_Long_Time[S] 141 points142 points ago*

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[–]SnappyTWC 42 points43 points ago

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But the leaves are totally different. The one you just posted has somewhat serrated leaves with mostly diffuse lighting, whereas the ones the kid's holding are smooth and kinda waxy looking. Also, the trunks of the plants are completely different colours and the branching structure is nowhere near similar.

[–]nickapvikes 47 points48 points ago

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That will never be said again

[–]HerpthouaDerp 47 points48 points ago

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[–]nickapvikes 2 points3 points ago

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Touché...

[–]farceur318 12 points13 points ago

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We don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalists, do we?

[–]gaijin80 2 points3 points ago

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Nicely done Sir, Nicely done.

[–]sunburnt 2 points3 points ago

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Winston: Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.

Willie: What do you mean?

Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah!? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That's what I mean Willie.

[–]ellipses1 4 points5 points ago

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You know what they say about horticulture... you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think

[–]VTFD 1 point2 points ago

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you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think

-Dorothy Parker

[–]ellipses1 1 point2 points ago

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Why did you just reply to my 87 day old comment?

[–]VTFD 0 points1 point ago

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Woops... there was some thread necromancy at work here... came here today when someone called out a repost from today's frontpage.

[–]filthysavage 0 points1 point ago

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Happy 87 day anniversary of your comment!

[–]Chiiiiill_Winston 0 points1 point ago

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see user name^ totally not a throwaway either, lol

[–]Vertyx 9 points10 points ago

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Clearly not the same plant.

[–]ci5ic 1 point2 points ago

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You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

[–]punsman 8 points9 points ago

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Well duh, it's marijuana. I mean just look at him!

[–]pinknezumi 1 point2 points ago

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There are others like me?!?

[–]blitzwig 47 points48 points ago

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[–]krautsourcing 12 points13 points ago

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It is. OP probably just came up with something to be funny, and if he left it at that, it'd be fine. His defense is flat out incorrect. Lurk_Long_Time should lurk more on r/gardening.

[–]zombierobot 0 points1 point ago

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It's what is known as a "money tree".

[–]therzr16 97 points98 points ago

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Hard. As. Fuck.

[–]swampnuts 51 points52 points ago

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I thought I was the only hibiscusphile. You wanna get together later and...you know...look at some plants?

[–]therzr16 33 points34 points ago

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Like you wouldn't believe.

[–]Jabberwockey 9 points10 points ago

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You'll love Knut, my hibiscus. He's 4 years old, now, and alive and kicking. And he's fine with me forgetting to water him for some time. Good pal, that plant.

[–]JazzlasterBoris 4 points5 points ago

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You're gonna love my Knut.

[–]spork22 1 point2 points ago

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You pull off a flower and suck the nectar from the base.

[–]Daisho 8 points9 points ago

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Hibiscus? Shit's weak, son. I'm all bout dat chamomile.

[–]AwesomeThunderbolt 1 point2 points ago

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ALPHA. AS. FUCK.

[–]TCal72 1 point2 points ago

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The second picture. Sex. Eyes.

[–]phatspasm 22 points23 points ago

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That is a FIG tree, my whore-tea-culturalists, not hibiscus or marijuana. KA-BOOM!

[–]raymendx 6 points7 points ago

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Hibiscus sounds funnier.

[–]njosnari 1 point2 points ago

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No it doesn't, FIGNUTS!

[–]bobmystery 43 points44 points ago

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Pics like that always remind me of these kids.

[–]pink_mango 19 points20 points ago

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kid on the right always reminds me of the little critter books, "just a mess" in specific

[–]DJ-Douche-Master 19 points20 points ago

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[–]TheIrishToker 5 points6 points ago

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when money and acne meet at an awkward age.

[–]newisalwaysbetter 5 points6 points ago

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Holy shit. It's been too long.

[–]hissho 0 points1 point ago

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I came in here looking for this, i am not disappoint

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points ago

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[–]Down_with_consoles 46 points47 points ago

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Special Ed schools have drug dealers? That dude's mom drank when she was pregnant.

[–]jojojowah 38 points39 points ago

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I could totally see that guy jumping around his room all spastic like. swinging those weapons around like a retard thinking he's a badass.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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You mean like this?

[–]DoTheDew 13 points14 points ago

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I thought for sure you were going to link to this.

[–]Thrasymachus 8 points9 points ago

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I kinda like watching this ... because right now, in his head, he is a samurai.

Good for him.

[–]perpenderpular 0 points1 point ago

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Okay someone please lightsaber this biotch up.

[–]DoTheDew 3 points4 points ago

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I found this and this.

[–]perpenderpular 1 point2 points ago

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aww yeah.

[–]Seeders 4 points5 points ago

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[–]metalmutt 1 point2 points ago

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I love what George says at the end of that clip.

[–]glenwood 1 point2 points ago

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He's got nunchuck skills...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Either that or cruising around in his 97 Accord in "L" cos it's louder...to impress the bitches.

[–]misermiser 8 points9 points ago

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So... Is it my imagination or is he holding $91?

[–]psilokan 0 points1 point ago

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Why does he need for nunchucks? So he can give two to his opponent for an evenly matched battle?

[–]Luckycheater 20 points21 points ago*

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My wife married me because of my vast tracts of hibiscus

[–]MileHighBarfly 45 points46 points ago

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Bitches love hibiscus.

[–]spruce_goose 24 points25 points ago

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hibitchcus

[–]illegal_deagle 13 points14 points ago

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Smokin fake plastic trees

[–]misermiser 9 points10 points ago

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Sounds like a Sublime/Radiohead mashup.

[–]psilokan 1 point2 points ago

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If I were a fake plastic tree, tell me, would you smoke me?

Mmmhhmmmmm...

[–]GrahamCoxon 0 points1 point ago

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He dreams of a green plastic watering can

[–]OperIvy 10 points11 points ago

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On my high school football team there was this black kid who always tried to act hard. One day the entire team was sitting in the stands (cant remember why) and this kid is showing everyone his bag of weed he's carrying around under his hat. The dumbass bends over when one of the coaches is walking by and the bag falls out. The coach picks it up, opens the bag and takes a sniff of it. He said, "It's oregano" and handed the bag back to the kid and walked away.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TurdNugg 8 points9 points ago

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My most favorite picture that I've ever seen on reddit.

[–]mynameispaulsimon 7 points8 points ago

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Fatsia japonica

[–]teslaandme 8 points9 points ago

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I got leaves on my head, but don't call me a leaf head!

[–]selfawaregoo 3 points4 points ago

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I put baloney in my left pocket!

[–]Willie_Main 3 points4 points ago

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I put cream cheese in my gold locket!

[–]zeppoleon 5 points6 points ago

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It's even funnier when you think he is lying on the ground.

[–]generalchaoz 9 points10 points ago

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I want to kick him in his prepubescent nuts

[–]kodutta7 6 points7 points ago

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And then make him smoke a whole bag of marijuana to teach him that it's not cool to do drugs... wait a minute.

[–]homergonerson 0 points1 point ago

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Smoking makes you look really cool, I don't see how this will work.

[–]throwthisidaway 0 points1 point ago

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If that's who I think it is, he's going into 10th grade now and not so so prepubescent anymore...

[–]lostrock 5 points6 points ago*

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Sippin' on that weed, smokin' on that liquor...

[–]NeddieSeagoon 5 points6 points ago

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I once had a housemate who used to keep some plants on prominent display in his bedroom window that kind of looked like cannabis but weren't. For plausible deniability if the cops came looking for his real plants.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Corey & Trevor must have fucked up again.

[–]nathan_w 0 points1 point ago

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Fucking Trevor and Corey

[–]ss1809 6 points7 points ago

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He's goes H.A.M.

[–]cwckc7 19 points20 points ago

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Hibiscus as a motherfucker

[–]Fjordbaanger 3 points4 points ago

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this picture never ceases to make me laugh my ass off, and then wonder who told him that it was weed

[–]Fucks 5 points6 points ago

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BITCH, I got 2 Blue-eyes white dragons, don't fuck with me.

[–]Shargrosso 2 points3 points ago

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All the crack his mummy did during pregnancy :O

[–]flawlesslylogical 2 points3 points ago

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This is painfully retarded. I mean... I know that's why it was posted, but really. I'm actually hurting right now.

[–]Pizzadouglas 2 points3 points ago

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This dude needs a Scumbag Steve hat

[–]CrazyCatLady108 12 points13 points ago

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и ковёр на стене!

[–]mrb10nd3 3 points4 points ago

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No?

[–]CrazyCatLady108 10 points11 points ago

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its a thing on the russian internet that take pictures in front of rugs hanging on the wall (as is customary in some places) and then for the whole internet makes fun of them for doing so. think of it as a redneck reference would be here in the states.

example 1 example 2 example 3

somewhat nsfw sorry all i could find on short notice. links are from the site fishki.net i do not know original sources, i think they are from a russian facebook site called vkontakte.

[–]_Freedom_ 5 points6 points ago

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your links appear to not work

[–]BTMPL 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, witchcraft! Paste them into a new browser window (not tab!) - should work.

[–]Browniemac85 2 points3 points ago

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Aw. Not on the rug.......man.

[–]mrb10nd3 1 point2 points ago

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Informative AND NSFW. You win.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 1 point2 points ago

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i think its more nsfl cuz you know shudder

[–]rudeandcrude 2 points3 points ago

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I came here to point out the same thing. But of course the hivemind has got me covered.

[–]alskdef 10 points11 points ago

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[–]CrazyCatLady108 4 points5 points ago

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Тысячу upboats и пару интернетов в придачу!

[–]Felt_Ninja 5 points6 points ago

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Co za asy!

[–]Spappy 4 points5 points ago

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братан!

[–]CrazyCatLady108 4 points5 points ago

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Гыыыы нас здесь до-фига! Русские редиты всех стран соединяйтесь?

[–]MonsterIt 29 points30 points ago

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uuuuuhhhh umm, I'll take a Khlav Khalash and a crab juice?

[–]jmcdon290 4 points5 points ago

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Anything but mountain dew

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Da.

[–]racewar 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, let's unite!

[–]Juris_LV 0 points1 point ago

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pochemu v soviet-russia kover vsegda na stene?

[–]CrazyCatLady108 2 points3 points ago

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because in soviet russia there were crappy choices for wallpaper and when there was a good choice it was hard to get the super exclusive ones. rugs were easier to find and buy and you got to show off wealth and stuff.

[–]tinwhistler 5 points6 points ago

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My mom used to grow hibiscus. Once she grew a 5 leaf variety that looked just like the one in the middle left of this picture, and some neighborhood kids stole it thinking it was weed.

A day or two later, I heard a couple of my friends talking about how home grown weed didn't seem to get you high, and I knew who stole my mom's hibiscus from the back yard. I whipped their asses for robbing from my family and then mocked them hard about smoking hibscus for the next two years until we all finally graduated. Dumbasses.

[–]happybadger 2 points3 points ago

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I was working at a rave and some idiot was selling shady pills out in the open. When he saw that I was coming at him with a doorman, he gave me a baggie of freshly-picked Japanese maple leaves and told me that it was all good. It was not all good.

[–]vivian_darkbloom 3 points4 points ago

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W O R D.

[–]DivinusVox 4 points5 points ago

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[–]fuzzylettuce 0 points1 point ago

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LOL!

[–]BenCelotil 1 point2 points ago

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Shit's got nothing on Aloe.

[–]BlakeYo 1 point2 points ago

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Questioning whether or not that is a Hibiscus.

[–]beebopboobee 1 point2 points ago

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actual laughing at this, doesnt happen often on the computer.

[–]sdubois 1 point2 points ago

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420, take the bus home from school er'day

[–]perna 1 point2 points ago

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what's that plant? it sure ain't hibiscus.

[–]ilostmyoldaccount 1 point2 points ago

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Slavic gangster? Tough as fuck. Owns a hibiscus plant. Likes tapestries. His fat little fingers will destroy food in nanoseconds.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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He soooo got grounded for tearing off that leaf.

[–]RepostJesus 4 points5 points ago

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[–]donttakemywordforit 4 points5 points ago

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damn, nigga keepin it real

[–]KramitDFrog 1 point2 points ago

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Idk what's funnier, him thinking this was a good idea or his pudgy fingers

[–]RepostedContent 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, no fancy pink 'LEGALIZE IT'? D:

[–]Clint0nBukowski 0 points1 point ago

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just sad

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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lmao

[–]smbeeds 0 points1 point ago

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made me think of this.. ah crazy kids

[–]MasterGolbez 0 points1 point ago

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damn this kid is so hard...

[–]mrcwise 0 points1 point ago

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what a runt

[–]slapded[!] 0 points1 point ago

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damn ive been trying to find this pic forever.. it has resurfaced!

[–]sunnybrookmusic 0 points1 point ago

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Ahhh hahahahha. Good morning, and thank you

[–]eagleblueblood 0 points1 point ago

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Bitches love hibiscus.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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320 reppin, smokin bowels