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all 181 comments

[–]mynameiskarl 55 points56 points ago

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There's a saying in Belgium "Een echte schipper vaart ook door de Rode Zee". Which translates to something like " A real captain also sails the Red Sea".

[–]kungtotte 50 points51 points ago

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It takes a man to swim in the red sea, but it takes a hero to drink from it.

[–]FairyCross 8 points9 points ago

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It takes a hero to drink from it, but it takes a legend to bathe in it

[–]nyxin 1 point2 points ago

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You sir have taken it to the next level, and I applaud you for it.

(Slow clap)

[–]sky58 2 points3 points ago

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Oh god, I think I threw up a little...

[–]MrLister 2 points3 points ago

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No, that's a different meme.

[–]Kabuki_Harlequin 9 points10 points ago

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"You're not a real knight until you've bloodied your sword."

[–]Bedeone 1 point2 points ago

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I live in Belgium (Flanders) and I have never heard of this saying, but I will now blatantly use it at any opportune moment.

[–]bebeschtroumph 0 points1 point ago

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A Norwegian woman told me they called it riding the firetruck, which always makes me smile.

[–]TheStoof 0 points1 point ago

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I love it.

[–]angelicroyalty 47 points48 points ago

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I wish MY period was only 72 hours. :|

[–]Megaspore 13 points14 points ago

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I know right? And mine is fucked up so it lasts like 7-8 days.

[–]mynameismagenta 6 points7 points ago

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At least a week here too, sister. I feel your pain.

[–]Lennox 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit, I haven't had a period that long in like two years. Mine usually last 3-4 days.

[–]GutterMaiden 3 points4 points ago

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... it's supposed to last that long.

[–]Megaspore 0 points1 point ago

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Well see mine was usually 4-5 days ever since I was really young, so now that it's been days longer it doesn't feel right.

[–]71NZ 1 point2 points ago

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Mine is once a year at 2 days tops. Sup BCP's.

[–]xnormajeanx 0 points1 point ago

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I came here to say that :(

[–]Silvani 2 points3 points ago

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Came here to say this.

[–]testmuffin 0 points1 point ago

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Was just about to say the same! Although since I got on a new birth control late last year it's been closer to around 4 days instead of the usual 5 or 6 so that has been pretty ideal.

[–]stevesonaplane -2 points-1 points ago

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I don't trust anything that bleeds for 3 days and doesn't die.

[–]testmuffin 16 points17 points ago

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How original!

[–]stevesonaplane 3 points4 points ago

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Well shoot, people reference stuff from tv shows all the time on reddit. :(

[–]testmuffin 2 points3 points ago

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Sorry, couldn't resist. My ex-boyfriend used to say this line literally every month when that time rolled around...I suppose I'm just bitter when I hear it lol. Carry on good sir!

[–]tylerjames 0 points1 point ago

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How fickle!

[–]tibbers 19 points20 points ago

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girls love sex on their period... you just need to convince them ...and yourself, it's just a little blood

[–]nimbletoes 8 points9 points ago

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If my guy is successful in convincing me that he's not grossed out by that, I'd be all for it...

[–]5foot3 4 points5 points ago

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I'd suggest brining it up. The first year of my current relationship was spent thinking that the other person was grossed out by it. When we discussed it, there was a palm-forehead moment for sure...followed by sex. Win, win.

[–]tylerjames 2 points3 points ago

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brining

I read this whole comment wondering how salty water was going to come into play.

[–]testmuffin 1 point2 points ago

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Exactly, I'm just as worried about it the gross factor as the guy would be, if not more so. They have to realize it could make for potentially very embarrassing situation for us girls.

[–]x1049 2 points3 points ago

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To be honest, I find that my periods are noticeably shorter when I have sex during. They're pretty light to begin with, though, so a condom does wonders for "mess prevention." Win, win, ... win?

[–]5foot3 5 points6 points ago

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It is for this very reason that his penis is referred to as the "roto-rooter" during that time of the month.

[–]MasterGolbez 0 points1 point ago

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condom don't keep your bed clean

[–]x1049 8 points9 points ago

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A towel does. Derp. Also, shower sex.

[–]danteferno 0 points1 point ago

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OXYCLEAN does! buy now!

[–]LittleToast 1 point2 points ago

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I find it super uncomfortable, physically, so not for me! But I would certainly suggest experimenting, everyone's different!

[–]TheBobYouKnow 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, but Leviticus 15:19-30 encourages us not to stick our dicks in period blood.

[–]Simlish 0 points1 point ago

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Meh. My gf and I do it while there's a white mouse in residence and there's no blood at all :) And she can have heavy flows, she says.

[–]cakehoggingcoward 0 points1 point ago

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I absolutely refuse to have sex while I'm on my period. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

[–]beatles910 0 points1 point ago

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it's just a little blood

...and a lot of smell.

[–]kingofbigmac -1 points0 points ago

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I was at my girlfriend's house this weekend and she did all the molesting. Usually I do the sweet talking but not this time. Sometimes she says she is tired and she will make it up. Well she was tired and didn't care and made up for every time she has said im tired all in one weekend.

[–]necrophelia 28 points29 points ago

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[–]bears-bub 8 points9 points ago

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Ugh, tell me about it. The first 48 hours are exactly like this.

[–]nixing 27 points28 points ago

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Her period is only three days? I hate her

[–]snowbirdie 3 points4 points ago

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Talk to your ob/gyn. Most birthcontrol will reduce the flow and length of your period, or eliminate it all together. If it's not, just ask for a different brand. You want hormonal stuff. Educate yourself, there's plenty of documentation on the Internet as well.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 0 points1 point ago

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idk about the eliminating thing, considering 1st sign of pregnancy usually is a missed period, so that would be a minus. also, some women cannot deal with the hormones that the birth control pills deliver to the system. also some men cannot deal with women on birth control. there is no 'answer', google is not really a solution.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm kinda wondering this too, it's more like 7 days of bitching followed by 4 or so days of whining followed by a few days of me apologizing for everything she thought I did followed by make up sex.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Get her on birth control. It will regulate her hormones and reduce her period length.

[–]nichole123 7 points8 points ago

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and make her infertile. BONUS!

[–]deakster 2 points3 points ago

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yep, that's just a handy side-effect!

[–]interbutt 0 points1 point ago

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That did not reduce the length of my wifes periods. While on birth control 5-6 days was normal.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 0 points1 point ago

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or it could turn her into a bitch.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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It's my wife, and she has weird stuff going on that prevents it.

[–]sta1ker -1 points0 points ago

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Your all lucky... My SO rides the cotton pony for about a month at a time every other month. When that red sea rises all men and small animals get out of they way....

[–]IntergalacticOutlaw 8 points9 points ago

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I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but she's just faking three weeks of it.

[–]TheBobYouKnow 0 points1 point ago

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Yep, because she doesn't want to have sex with him.

[–]IntergalacticOutlaw 2 points3 points ago

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I DIDN'T SAY THAT

[–]sta1ker 0 points1 point ago

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Could be that, We are a few months away from getting married so now is as good of time as any to stop getting it i guess... She must go through a lot of trouble. Im more curious where she is getting all the blood from to make it convincing.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 1 point2 points ago

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take her to a doctor. that is not normal and could be a symptom of cysts or hormonal imbalance, or dare i say it some forms of cancer.

[–]sta1ker 0 points1 point ago

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Apparently its normal-ish. She was in the military for 8 years and with the working out and the things they shoot you up with it threw it off... now on depo and the flood gates appear to be holding. But thank you for the info.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 1 point2 points ago

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=( i am happy to hear that it is under control, however it still sucks, if you know what i mean. let her know the girls of reddit (or at least one) feel for her and offer support .^

[–]Stillnotreddit 0 points1 point ago

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Nobody dared you. You're just morbid, etc :)

[–]CrazyCatLady108 0 points1 point ago

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i just used web md its what it said! =) but yeah irregular periods and unusual pain can be a symptom of cancer, cysts, etc. so get yourselves checked out girls!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]snowbirdie 0 points1 point ago

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This is absolutely false information. The pamphlet that comes with any type of daily oral BC explicitely states that you will have shorter, lighter periods (and sometimes even skip them). I've been on the "regular 28 day kind" for many years and each period is only 2-3 days long.

[–]Jupichan 0 points1 point ago

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Man, mine is only 2-3 days long to begin with. What'd happen if I started on the pill? Just a few hours? haha

[–]testmuffin 0 points1 point ago

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It depends on the pill. The last three brands I tried still left me with periods averaging 5 or 6 days. I'm finally on a new type (Microgestin) and have found it lasting closer to 3-4 days in length.

Ironically the first 3 pills I tried were brand names prescribed by my doctor & somewhat expensive...now I'm on a generic brand through Planned Parenthood that costs me $10 a month & it works better than any other I've tried.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 0 points1 point ago

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high five for planned parenthood! and please accept my happiness that you found something that works!

[–]testmuffin 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, after being charged $70/mo to take name-brand Yaz (before that it was $30/mo and $25/mo) , I said 'fuck this' and went to check out PP after a friend told me she gets her prescription there. Cut my costs by an insane amount AND I found a pill that works great for me, win/win!

I truly hope they can work out a system to save the funding though. It kills me to think girls in the future may not have the same great options & education that we do with PP today. It's vital.

[–]CrazyCatLady108 0 points1 point ago

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last i heard Obama said he is unwilling to take even a single penny from PP funding. i hope that is true and i hope he stands for that without caving in. the whole "there is no room in the budget for it" is bogus, i just hope some men in congress have the choneys to stand up for women's rights.

[–]laughingGirls 36 points37 points ago

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Ugh, tell me about it. I hate Shark Week.

[–]Dekadmer 0 points1 point ago

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This is the single greatest thing I have read on the interweb this morning. I tip my hat to you.

[–]mucifous 7 points8 points ago

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Man up and grab a towel.

[–]leo-nidas 3 points4 points ago

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As a girl I second this fo' sure!

[–]staticfish 6 points7 points ago

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I once heard a wise person say that you're not a real man until you've got blood on your sword.

[–]bloodsugarsexmagik 2 points3 points ago

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I thought that was in reference to devirgining a girl? Which, by the way, is the most overrated idea in history.

[–]staticfish 0 points1 point ago

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I've never heard it in that context, but I suppose it makes sense.

[–]jeffh102082 5 points6 points ago

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my girl is pretty good when it happens... She doesn't get bitchy, I feel bad for her really cause the first day or two she is in pain but by day three I can usually swim the red sea... never drink the water tho.... that's just not healthy.

[–]GeorgeForemanGrillz 1 point2 points ago

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Baby wipes on the clitoris which usually doesn't have blood on them.

[–]GeorgeForemanGrillz 4 points5 points ago

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I've earned my red wings for girls I actually love and have bathroom sex.

Apparently orgasms on their periods are great for relieving menstrual cramps.

[–]Stillnotreddit 0 points1 point ago

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Sex with your bathroom?

[–]fargin_ice_hole 4 points5 points ago

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Stop being a wimp and fuck your girlfriend on her period.

[–]xavyre 2 points3 points ago

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You don't have sex just because she's on her period? Strange.

[–]dimsi 3 points4 points ago

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oh com'on it's not bad at all... just get a towel and dive in. it is only messy at the start of each session. on the plus side, her cramps are not as bad and it stimulates flow which leads to shorter periods...

[–]realityisoverrated 3 points4 points ago

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I don't mind the crimson slipgate. Free lube!

[–]le-comment 12 points13 points ago

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This guy never has any problems with periods.

[–]mehughes124 12 points13 points ago

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No, this guy never has any problems with periods.

[–]ColumW 0 points1 point ago

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It's funny because he is homosexual.

[–]mehughes124 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MysticJAC 6 points7 points ago

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Only real pirates sail the red sea!

[–]mehatch 2 points3 points ago

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why you should REDit: 1. girls are hornier during their period 2. girls are less likely to get pregnant on period, infact, girls on pill at this time are just on placebo....no condom...better sex...problem? (get tested first) 3. menses isnt bad for you like poo is 4. you get to look like a boss for not being bothered by the sight of blood.

[–]http_status 6 points7 points ago

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305 Use Proxy

[–]fkin_know_it_all 1 point2 points ago

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You just have to sail the red seas.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You can acquire your Red Wings.

[–]crazycarl1 1 point2 points ago

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You can't call yourself a man until you've had your sword covered in blood

[–]MelonJelly 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck that. You know how I feel when my GF is on her period?

It's the most wonderful time of the month. Mister Bluebird is actually, satisfactually on my shoulder.

"But MelonJelly," you might ask, "why are you happy when your GF is on her period?"

Because it means the contraception has done it's job, that why. We've talked about it, and would like a family at some point, but neither of us want to start one right now.

"But MelonJelly, what does this mean?"

It means that I don't get my boxers in a knot over my GF's emotional state. A period will invariably be harder on her than it is on me, so she is the one who gets my support.

[–]c0leman 7 points8 points ago

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I always thought that was referred to as head week.

[–]rwhittak3 4 points5 points ago

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You are obviously not married.

[–]MasterGolbez 6 points7 points ago

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And you stay married.... why?

[–]TheBobYouKnow 1 point2 points ago

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I'm married and my wife offers me head. I usually decline because I've always been a bit nervous when it comes to putting my dick near teeth.

Maybe when she's older.

[–]FairyCross 0 points1 point ago

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Mmmm a good ol' fashioned gum job

[–]TheBobYouKnow 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[–]5foot3 1 point2 points ago

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It is in my house!

[–]zorbix 3 points4 points ago

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My hand also bleeds after too much fapping. I use Vaseline now.

[–]TheBobYouKnow 0 points1 point ago

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Either way, blood.

[–]cereal_cheater 2 points3 points ago

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My favorite time of the month. I get to take care of her, and we can fuck like rabbits without protection.

[–]smeasles 7 points8 points ago

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Terrible idea - women sometimes ovulate during their period and yes, they can get pregnant. I know this is true because one of my friends got knocked up on her period. She was married and was fine with having a kid, but still.

[–]21Celcius 4 points5 points ago

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Or the fact a super sperm could live

[–]Silverwake 6 points7 points ago

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Dude... did you ever hear about spontaneous ovulation?

[–]LadyBlues 0 points1 point ago

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See also: "what the fuck was I thinking?"

[–]PeriodBlood 1 point2 points ago

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What about me, brah?

[–]GooBerryCrunch 0 points1 point ago

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Bad idea, a friend of mine had unprotected sex on her period and now has a daughter. When she told me that she got pregnant on her period I joked that the kid would be a red head. I laughed my ass off when she told me that the baby did in fact have red hair upon birth.

[–]MasterGolbez -1 points0 points ago

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without protection

gross... the period is the only time I would even consider wrapping my shit up... I hate condoms but I hate blood more

[–]mehatch 1 point2 points ago

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oh man, ur missing out big time.

[–]specialkake 3 points4 points ago

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I actually keep track of mine's using an Android app. Her mood swings last for about a week and a half.

[–]thejameswoods 1 point2 points ago

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There's an app for that.

Do you care to share the name of the app? Also does anyone know of a way to hide or even rename apps on iOS.

[–]specialkake 0 points1 point ago

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The one I use is called "mydays."

[–]ireland1988 0 points1 point ago

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Jesus I'm sorry.

[–]Stillnotreddit 0 points1 point ago

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Don't blame yourself. He fucked up, showing off with his powers n stuff- and God punished him for it

[–]formergamer -2 points-1 points ago

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mine's?

[–]specialkake 0 points1 point ago

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How are you supposed to say that? "My girlfriend's," I guess.

[–]formergamer 0 points1 point ago

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You only say mine's when you want to say "mine is", but "mine is" would not work in that case.

[–]cwstjnobbs 1 point2 points ago

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I love it, I can whack off guilt free for a week.

Sex is great and all, but sometimes a man needs his alone time.

[–]Tokugawa 2 points3 points ago

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You should never feel guilty about needing your alone time. Nor should she.

[–]cwstjnobbs 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, but when it negatively impacts your sex life it's bad.

She has a much higher sex drive than me so it's a bit unfair of me to waste ammo on target practice when she's open for business.

[–]Tokugawa 2 points3 points ago

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She may want your ammo every time, but sometimes it's better for your emotional well-being to just fire your gun into the air than to have to worry about hitting a target.

[–]AngryHippy 0 points1 point ago

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Is this meme from Zelda? Was there a show or movie that used this too?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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It's from Majora's Mask.

[–]XxPantherxX -4 points-3 points ago

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Dead Rising, a video game

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Your girlfriend's period only lasts 3 days? You lucky bastard.

[–]Finn_Fatale 0 points1 point ago

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72 hours! Only! Consider yourself lucky.

[–]stalksprout 0 points1 point ago

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You've met a terrible fate haven't you?

[–]kinderlicker 0 points1 point ago

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I rode that all day yesterday. Sooo many showers ;)

[–]Stillnotreddit 0 points1 point ago

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Google translated your username...

[–]stevesonaplane 0 points1 point ago

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It's kinda like Dead Rising 2.

[–]jp007 0 points1 point ago

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"I've covered wars, ya know."

[–]Locutus-of-Borg 0 points1 point ago

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[–]sircarp 0 points1 point ago

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So at the end of these 72 hours does she drop the moon on you?

[–]frozetoze 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks for the reminder, I stepped on my majoras mask this morning and broke it T_T

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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More like:

Dawn of the First Day

2 weeks remain

[–]Ghost33313 0 points1 point ago

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Hey if it is really like that for you just play The Song of Double Time 6 times! > > A A / / > > A A / / x6 Problem Solved _^

[–]cutsomeat 0 points1 point ago

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When my wife gets her period I get happy! No more PMS!

[–]zakattak 0 points1 point ago

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How your girlfriend feels: "72 hours to make up a new 'heavy flow' excuse so she doesn't have to have sex with you for the rest of the week"

[–]stratocastification 0 points1 point ago

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Man the fuck up

[–]pashafisk 0 points1 point ago

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Just 72 hours? Lucky bitch.

[–]judithpriest 0 points1 point ago

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3 days? that's it?..lucky girl.

[–]SoMuchForSubtlety 0 points1 point ago

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Oh please - no warrior should ever be afraid of getting some blood on his weapon!

Seriously, what is it with all the men who get skeeved out about sex with menstruating women? Everything is pre-lubed, she's hornier than usual, she's safer than usual, her breasts are swollen and more sensitive and orgasms cure cramps better than midol. Throw down a brown or red towel (I've got some burgundy ones) and go to town. Believe me, your woman will thank you for it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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72 hours only?! That lucky bitch...

[–]testmuffin 0 points1 point ago

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I'm always most horny when on my period. I'm sure part of it is wanting something you can't have, but I know a lot of it is also hormones. If you are willing to get past the initial "ick" factor, then most girls will thank you endlessly...possibly in more frequent bj's.

[–]Not_A_Meme 0 points1 point ago

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Dude, just go for it. Put down the period towel, where a rubber, take a shower after wards. Now you don't even need to warm her up with your face/hand.

[–]superfusion1 0 points1 point ago*

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According to ancient law, as stated in the bible, Leviticus 15:19-30

Whenever a female is menstruating, she is unclean. You are not to have sex with her, lest ye incur the wrath of God. She is to be shunned and ostracized and take refuge in The Red Tent

When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting. The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the LORD for the uncleanness of her discharge.

So, how many of you females are doing this? If not, I guess you are going to hell.

TL;DR God hates menustration /sarcasm

[–]ooorgh 0 points1 point ago

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[–]backthenlifesucked 0 points1 point ago

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Try 9 days of agony ... 216 hours. If it weren't for birth control, I'd be checking in to the ER every month from the pain of it.

If you think just having to wait is bad, try severe dysmenorrhea.

[–]UnreachableDreams 0 points1 point ago

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i'm with you, except i rarely get to the bleeding part. PMS lasts months with me - cramping, mood the whole bit, then unexpectedly I'll get the 9-10 days of hell... yea, I need to get birth control, except the last one made it worse :(

[–]washburnt 0 points1 point ago

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my GF loves sex on her period, I dont mind it much. I try to stay away on days 1 and 2 but sometimes I sail the red sea.

[–]DUmpy-Pillow 0 points1 point ago

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you feel like you have to time travel over and over to prevent it from ever happening?
You sir, are a noble soul

[–]thugmonkey 0 points1 point ago

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[–]redditalready22 0 points1 point ago

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RRREEEEPPPOOOSSSSTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all.

[–]superfusion1 1 point2 points ago

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and it will get reposted every month. (actually, every 28 days, right girls?)

[–]moogull 0 points1 point ago

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I'm probably gonna get some flak, but that is the best zelda game! (IMO)

[–]Simlish 0 points1 point ago

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You can still do it while she has a white mouse present without any redness happening :)

[–]auviana 0 points1 point ago

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It's funny because sex is great during that time, sex makes it disappear, and sex takes away the pain. :D Sex is MAGICAL.

Also, once had it twice a month for several months before. Twas a raging bitch 24/7. I lost many friends during those months. o.o

[–]d4v1drc0n 1 point2 points ago

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will you assholes stop posting stupid fucking threads about your goddamn girlfriend, nobody gives a shit

[–]Smoking_Gnu 2 points3 points ago

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[–]monochromatic_oeuvre -3 points-2 points ago

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Oh, you mean BJ week. Maybe you need a new girlfriend if that's not how shit goes down.

[–]GaryOak37 0 points1 point ago

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I'm a dude, yet I could never really get why men feel victimized when chicks have their period. I mena sure it sucks you cant bang but how would you like blood dripping from your dick like some sort of tremors sequel. shiiittt I don't mind fapping instead of that, fuck that shit.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I mena sure it sucks you cant bang

Except you can.

[–]poo-poo 0 points1 point ago

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She won't let me :(

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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u jelly?

[–]poo-poo 0 points1 point ago

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Strawberry jelly.

[–]GaryOak37 -1 points0 points ago

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if you like blood on ur dick sure mang go for it

[–]Hansibaldo -2 points-1 points ago

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BJ or Anal

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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72 hours? My last one was 2 weeks... :(

[–]snowbirdie 0 points1 point ago

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Get yourself to the hospital, NOW. You might have a tumor or cyst.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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It's probably due to the fact that I tri-cycle, but I'll bring it up with my GP tomorrow, thanks for your concern.

[–]Czechmate_iii -3 points-2 points ago

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What would you do if you wanted in your house but the front door was covered in blood? Yep, use the back door.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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This is the correct answer.

[–]cgiall420 0 points1 point ago

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Down the chimney. Ho ho ho, open wide.

[–]bloodsugarsexmagik -1 points0 points ago

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A thousand times yes.

[–]Arbel -2 points-1 points ago

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I only think: BLOW JOBS!

[–]pefyeah -3 points-2 points ago

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BLOWJOB WEEK!!!

[–]Dolewhip -3 points-2 points ago

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I don't see why guys give their girls a pass to act mean and bitchy when they're on their period.