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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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all 200 comments

[–]Eustis 112 points113 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Vijchti 115 points116 points ago

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HI, BABY MAYS HERE WITH THE ORIGINAL POOPY DIAPER™! THE FASTEST, EASIEST, CLEANEST WAY TO RELIEVE YOUR BOWELS OR YOUR BLADDER WHENEVER YOU NEED!

AS A SPECIAL BONUS, WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE OUR BABY BINKY™ PACIFIER, ABSOLUTELY FREE!

[–]PartyBusGaming 24 points25 points ago

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Epic reply, so I decided to add some Orange Glow to the upvote arrow next to it.

[–]cmb81 5 points6 points ago

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you shut your mouth while Billy Mays is talking!

[–]Tohst 0 points1 point ago

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[–]armanesti 9 points10 points ago

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Reincarnated!

[–]micah1_8 11 points12 points ago

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WITH THE POWER OF OXYGEN!

[–]Shadax 4 points5 points ago

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That is one handsome man.

[–]Aww_Shucks 3 points4 points ago

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LOL, AND THE CHRISTIANS ARE STILL WAITING FOR JESUS.

Religion is some funny shit.

[–]juke_the_stats 30 points31 points ago*

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[–]Epic_baconnage 4 points5 points ago

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Such an awkward man. I have mixed emotions regarding this.

[–]Flaiware -5 points-4 points ago

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Can someone tell me what's funny about this?

[–]juke_the_stats 17 points18 points ago

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The 5 year old has a beard. And it hurts. Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

[–]theformer 14 points15 points ago

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There's a few things here I think that make it funny.

The initial humor I think comes from the fact that usually when comedians do impressions they are usually impressions of either A: famous people or B: people everyone has seen/can relate to. The absurdity of the impression being a 5 year old with a beard, which is not a normal thing makes it funny.

The second thing I think that makes it funny, is the image it brings to mind. A five year old child with a beard like Zach Galifinakis.

The third thing that makes it funny is the unexpected direction he goes with the impression. Most people, when someone suggests that image, would not immediately think about the 5 year old complaining about his itchy beard. The fact that he thought it out so much makes it amusing. Again, the absurdity of it.

The final thing that makes it funny is the impression itself, which you watch and think "That is what a five year old with a beard would sound like."

[–]BigRedRobotNinja 4 points5 points ago

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Astute. Thank you.

[–]thejournalizer 24 points25 points ago

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Full bodied. He will do well as a lumberjack.

[–]cjdyal 8 points9 points ago

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Or as a dwarf.

[–]gyarrr 7 points8 points ago

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or as a hockey player

[–]snapperh3ad 8 points9 points ago

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Dwarf lumberjack hockey player. If you manage to get past his block, he'll chop off your shins with an axe.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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TIMBERRRRR!!!!!

[–]theramennoodle 16 points17 points ago

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there's my chippy!

[–]WarmWasabi 10 points11 points ago

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Good for him! I think it's absolutely disgusting how society treats baby facial hair. Clean shaving them is not only harmful to them but it's also just unnatural. I really hope more parents decide to stop shaving their babies every day.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Got some grays in there. He's distinguished.

[–]schoko84 5 points6 points ago

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Number One, is that you!?

[–]Tesseraktion 4 points5 points ago

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i'm 18 and i can't even grow half of that.

[–]Just_brew 3 points4 points ago

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stop using the cat as your razor

[–]Tesseraktion 1 point2 points ago

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D: how did you know?

[–]Just_brew 1 point2 points ago

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i could smell milk

[–]Tesseraktion 1 point2 points ago

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fucking milk always gives it away.

[–]Just_brew 1 point2 points ago

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You should use soy milk, easier for the cat to digest and it wont make your face sticky.

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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fucking milk

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Tesseraktion 0 points1 point ago

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i love milk, it's obviously just a joke.

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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Really? My receptors did not process this information, carbon based lifeform. No but really, I understand. I just like fucking with sentences, is all

[–]lazerusking 0 points1 point ago

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and I got some bad images off that...

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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It's all good

[–]Failhulk 5 points6 points ago

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Fear the beard.

[–]Mattron2021 10 points11 points ago

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The mustache looks good...but you should have blended it better into his real hair. Awkward gap is awkward.

[–]Domestica[S] 18 points19 points ago

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I wasn't shooting for perfection. One night, after hanging out with my brother, I realized that a bearded baby was the funniest thing I have ever thought of, ever. I was pretty drunk at the time, so what you see is what you get

[–]Mattron2021 5 points6 points ago

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Haha, the story makes me like the picture more.

[–]JessieNtoons 8 points9 points ago

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He looks better than my nephew.

[–]Domestica[S] 3 points4 points ago

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There's my chippy!

[–]poopinmysoup 1 point2 points ago

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Your nephew = what nightmares are made of.

[–]TheBiGW 1 point2 points ago

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By the looks of it, this is who he will turn into when he grows up http://i.imgur.com/Ltv3k.jpg

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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It seems to me that you are indeed doing it right.

[–]haltedconfusion 2 points3 points ago

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Beards always help with buying liquor if you're underage.

[–]Shadax 1 point2 points ago

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He's already like 30 though.

[–]WarPhalange 2 points3 points ago

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Manly as fuck.

[–]Vee_Vee 2 points3 points ago

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Downvote sleeping puppy, upvote baby with beard.

[–]DrMaturin 2 points3 points ago

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Your nephew has an orange nose, due to eating too many carrots. Most commercial baby foods have a high carrot content and it causes babies and young children to get a condition known as "orangenoseitis." Also it causes beard growth.

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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He actually had just finished eating baby food, it's smeared all over his cheeks if you look closely.

[–]demengrad 2 points3 points ago

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Someone contact Wheezy Waiter.

[–]occasionally 2 points3 points ago

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Get him a monocle.

[–]Miles3 2 points3 points ago

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First it's botox and waxing and now fucking beards too?

[–]Domestica[S] 2 points3 points ago

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Hey, he grew that shit on his own. We didn't pressure him about it.

[–]wckb 2 points3 points ago

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BRIAN WILSON?

[–]eromitlab 0 points1 point ago

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Giants will need a new closer once his ninja skills begin to fade. By then, his protege here will be ready, firing off fastballs and keeping The Machine in check.

[–]chiron1 2 points3 points ago

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Fear the Beard!!

[–]xxkatyladyxx 2 points3 points ago

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Reminded of Zach Galifianakis' bit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLD6m7u0qG0

[–]Trusk_Fundz 2 points3 points ago

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I don't wyke having a be-ord, it hoits!!

[–]xxkatyladyxx 0 points1 point ago

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My favorite bit. Or his line about how he can't get a table for 1 at Chuck-E-Cheese's.

[–]hehmonkeys 2 points3 points ago

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BEN BERNANKE!!!!

[–]SpeakMouthWords 1 point2 points ago

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Do not speak the devil's name in this place.

[–]eromitlab 0 points1 point ago

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Who, Lloyd Blankfein?

[–]TIffanySF 2 points3 points ago

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FEAR THE BEARD

[–]nme91 2 points3 points ago

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Billy Mays does not die

He just transfers entities

[–]chockZ 2 points3 points ago

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Good job spreading your hipster disease to those who know no better.

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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my job here is done, then!

[–]McBurger 9 points10 points ago

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you glued pubes to your nephew's face?!

[–]Epic_baconnage 1 point2 points ago

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Oh McBurger, you son of a silly person :)

[–]iateyourbees 2 points3 points ago

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he's a lumberjack and he's okay... he sleeps all night and he works all day!

[–]Epic_baconnage -2 points-1 points ago

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So he is destined to be a crossdresser?

[–]vitaminmary 1 point2 points ago

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Manly at such a young age. He will surely get all the ladies

[–]Hawkeyes89 1 point2 points ago

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He clearly gets it from his dad in the background

[–]yousless 1 point2 points ago

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Aw cute, he looks just like his dad

[–]zombiebunnie 1 point2 points ago

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Manliest baby ever.

[–]KlingonDeathYell 1 point2 points ago

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Notch, is that you?

[–]the-pan-man 1 point2 points ago

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Good god, he has more of a beard than I do!

[–]ddchasek 1 point2 points ago

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It's GLORIOUS!

[–]Drugba 1 point2 points ago

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Wayne Rooney!!!

[–]Projekt_Mayhem 1 point2 points ago

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Little gray in the 'stache... already?

[–]Domestica[S] 4 points5 points ago

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It's a hard life when you're a baby.

[–]Projekt_Mayhem 1 point2 points ago

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I think I started about that age too...

[–]MarsTraveler 2 points3 points ago

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It's cool, he just needs some of this

[–]one_wicked_element 1 point2 points ago

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After seeing this, I've decided more babies need beards.

[–]Epic_baconnage 1 point2 points ago

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Start up ye olde gene modifier.

[–]one_wicked_element 0 points1 point ago

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I like how it's an "old timey" gene modifier. =)

[–]lazerusking 0 points1 point ago

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That's because it has a hand crank.

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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Indeed, not guaranteed to work, though. But worth a shot!

[–]goonerredandwhite 1 point2 points ago

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looks more manly than i Do

[–]TheGreatPastaWars 1 point2 points ago

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That baby only drinks breast milk from men with hairy chests.

[–]CornFedHonky 1 point2 points ago

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My thoughts are there should be a little more definition between what is your facial, and chest hair. Just one man's opinion.

[–]JusticeLeagueOfWeed 1 point2 points ago

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Awww! That is awesome!

[–]EnsErmac 1 point2 points ago

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It is NHL playoff time...

[–]IgnoreAmos 1 point2 points ago

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Does he play for the Canucks?

[–]Five4Five 1 point2 points ago

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Hi, I'm TV's Jon Dore.

[–]originalnamesarehard 1 point2 points ago

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Did he grow it using sheer willpower?

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Yes. He's the coolest nephew an Aunt could ask for, he actually walked out of his mother's womb as opposed to just wiggling his way like a wuss.

[–]pickleeye 1 point2 points ago

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Get this baby to a meetup!

[–]ts87654 1 point2 points ago

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grey hairs already? tough break

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Like a BOSS!

[–]jallenscott 1 point2 points ago

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He sure do got a purdy mouth.

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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Why don't you sit over here, sir?

[–]CheshireGrin 1 point2 points ago

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David the Gnome!

[–]dwoman 1 point2 points ago

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He is adorable

[–]alettuce 1 point2 points ago

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Bearded babies are hilarious. This is just fucking weird.

[–]Bladle 1 point2 points ago

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I wish mine was just as magnificent !

[–]hawtfabio 1 point2 points ago

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Just for men shades of grey. Your nephew is clearly a man of taste.

[–]crackshot91 1 point2 points ago

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WTF THAT IS NOT NATURAL. ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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i dont think so tim.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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BABY, Hey BABY!!!! Why'd you go and grow that beard?

[–]Hamstadam 1 point2 points ago

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And people say hormones in food are bad for you.

[–]gben 1 point2 points ago

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Gluing pubes to an infant is not okay.

[–]JTp_FTw 1 point2 points ago

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I wouldn't card him

[–]goldjerrygold 1 point2 points ago

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Oh god, it's spreading!

[–]borracho_muchacho 1 point2 points ago

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kinda reminds me of this.

[–]Bigmada 1 point2 points ago

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I'm 28 and jealous

[–]indeeder 1 point2 points ago

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Indeed.

[–]iamfuzzydunlop 1 point2 points ago

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This could only be better if he had a monkeytail, but it would be oh so much better.

[–]dman24752 1 point2 points ago

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Amazing photoshop job!

[–]BanksKnowsBest 1 point2 points ago

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Son Of Chuck Norris.

[–]Nothing_Impresses_Me 1 point2 points ago

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It's just a beard on a baby... so what

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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exactly

[–]OrlyTheOwl 1 point2 points ago

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I wish I had the power to 'decide' when to grow a beard...

[–]VonBrewskie 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like Kevin Smith's mini-me. Cute kid.

[–]larcast 1 point2 points ago

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[–]runonsentencemaster 1 point2 points ago*

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Somethings not quite right...Aha, I know! FIXED!

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I don't even know how to reply to that but great job, regardless lol

[–]Mikuta 1 point2 points ago

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Some fucking willpower.

[–]m4n715 1 point2 points ago

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[–]TheEllimist 1 point2 points ago

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The cave dwarf invasion has begun.

[–]FrabriziovonGoethe 1 point2 points ago

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He reminds me of Al's brother from the show Home Improvement but way to go for the full beard, have some major mojo going on there

[–]shelby3161 1 point2 points ago

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its good, but he would look much better with a monkey tail

[–]KyleLoskutoff 1 point2 points ago

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Are you sure this isn't just a baby picture of Brian Wilson?

[–]NeOnD 1 point2 points ago

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HANGOVER - 2

[–]skullk1d 1 point2 points ago

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"Baby Mays here!!!"

[–]velouria123 1 point2 points ago

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He looks like a young Paul Krugman.

[–]iswyattimperfekt 1 point2 points ago

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baby joe rogan

[–]i_reply_in_haiku 1 point2 points ago*

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Your nephew grew a
beard on his baby face. A beard
of epic cuteness

[–]heyfatkid 0 points1 point ago

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8 syllables in line 2. try again

[–]i_reply_in_haiku 0 points1 point ago

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He questioned how I
wrote my haiku. So I sent
him a wiki link

[–]heyfatkid 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah but that applies to japanese words. Baby does not apply here. But the second haiku works.

[–]ifiwasntintherapgame 2 points3 points ago

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It's a real beard. I can tell by the pixels.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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super creepy.

[–]rosesauce 1 point2 points ago

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Brian Wilson is fucking your sister

[–]Domestica[S] 2 points3 points ago

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Nephew by Brother. I'm the sister. and Brian Wilson isn't fucking me. good guess tho

[–]romerom 3 points4 points ago

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that is TOTALLY photoshopped! FAKE!

[–]Domestica[S] 9 points10 points ago

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NO WAY! you're telling me a picture of a bearded baby is a fake? I thought everything on the internet was real!

[–]romerom 2 points3 points ago

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it seems the downvote brigade didn't get my sarcasm. or maybe they did get it and found it dumb? :P either way, i'm sad.

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Aw. here have an upvote cookie. it'll make you feel better.

[–]queen8612 0 points1 point ago

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Are you related to Fidel Castro?

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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He has an excellent talent for picking great cigars (for a baby), so he could be.

[–]lisabadcat 0 points1 point ago

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All your body parts are just like a baby's.

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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only freakishly smaller?

[–]lisabadcat 0 points1 point ago

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Smaller than a baby's? I was giving you a little credit. ;)

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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No, I thought you meant like an adult with body parts the size of a baby so basically an adult person with freakishly small limbs. I guess we were on different tracks hah

[–]unreasonableproofguy 0 points1 point ago

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There's no way this is real.Send me a sample of the facial hair in question to confirm authenticity.

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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I'll contact CSI for ya. But rest assured: That beard is legit. It's actually his father's beard photoshopped onto his son. My bro's beard is epic.

[–]lazerusking 0 points1 point ago

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They will bring it up on the plasma. Then the pixels shall be revealed.

[–]omnibot80 0 points1 point ago

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Pics of your beard for reference.

[–]vakeraj 0 points1 point ago

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Like father like son (I presume that's his dad holding him)?

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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correct! The beard is actually his father's, from a separate picture, Photoshopped onto the one you see now. My bro's beard is epic.

[–]SwirlStick 0 points1 point ago

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The beard makes the man I'm told.

[–]MC-Master-Bedroom 0 points1 point ago

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Does the carpet match the drapes?

[–]anarchyz 0 points1 point ago

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Brian Wilson?

[–]christopherologist 0 points1 point ago

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looks like...david bazan

[–]gokylego 0 points1 point ago

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brian wilson?!?

[–]Travis-Touchdown 0 points1 point ago

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That's a REALLY convincing beard.

[–]IAmLaughingMan 0 points1 point ago

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Chillin' with a beard...Like a Boss

[–]myheadissmall 0 points1 point ago

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well, that's cute too, I guess.

[–]jediknickers 0 points1 point ago

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That looks like what my boyfriend's beard would look like.... if he were man enough to grow an actual mustache.

[–]heyfatkid 0 points1 point ago

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There's my Chippy!

[–]sprgtime 0 points1 point ago

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That is so adorable! How did they do that? I'd love to put one on my son! I wanted to for Halloween but couldn't figure out a good way to do it. Would love any details. :)

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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I did it the old fashioned way with Photoshop :)

[–]sprgtime 0 points1 point ago

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oh man! That's so cheating! :) My husband has a giant full beard so I've always thought it would be a great costume for the little boy. Nice work with the photoshop, though.

[–]ZombieBroad 0 points1 point ago

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Sorry to tell you, you should warn the parents. Your nephew has joined the infamous Yard Gnome Gang. They're dangerous.

[–]GrokLobster 0 points1 point ago

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Just remember when it has to go... monkey tail.

[–]d5g 0 points1 point ago

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I didn't know Gimli had a son!

[–]LurkingPolarBear 0 points1 point ago

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Didn't we throw that guy in the ocean?

[–]thatsyriandude 0 points1 point ago

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This is fake .. I am specialist and I can tell . FAKE. pixels .

[–]AnalBumCovers 0 points1 point ago

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'salright.

[–]PARSLEYsage 0 points1 point ago

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Better get him started on PBR right away.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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dont even joke about that. people drinking shitty beer is a huge problem in this country.

[–]bruce_notice 0 points1 point ago

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NEPHEW, YOU ARE A BABY. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BEARD. THIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE AS IT SIGNIFIES A HORMONAL IMBALANCE OF SOME SORT.

[–]KingtotheKong 0 points1 point ago

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Having seen many shops in my time and studying the pixels I can confirm this is definitely 100% real!

[–]wineobot -2 points-1 points ago

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SHOOOOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]Domestica[S] 2 points3 points ago

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But I thought everything on the internet was real!! :(

[–]OnlyALittle 2 points3 points ago

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What do you mean? Looks legit to me.

[–]Joke_Getter -2 points-1 points ago

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I have a thought about karma whores. Want to hear it?

[–]Domestica[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Nope.

[–]Joke_Getter -2 points-1 points ago

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Too bad, here it comes: you're killing Reddit. Filling site with terrible shit like this may get you precious karma, but you and everyone else posting pictures of toys and kids are making it unreadable.

I actually think posting pictures of idiotic stuff is fine but it should come with the following requirement: the poster's account is immediately deleted. Let's see how many pictures of toys we get once the karma incentive is removed.

[–]BrianRCampbell 1 point2 points ago

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Dude. You are subscribed to /r/pics.

[–]Joke_Getter -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, that's why I get to criticize posts like this one. There are things other than kids and toys everyone played with to take pictures of.

[–]BrianRCampbell 1 point2 points ago

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That's like going into /r/politics and asking everyone to please stop talking about Obama and Boehner because there are things like trout harvesting regulations that legitimately need to be discussed. You're right, but you're going to be pushing that boulder for a loooong time.

[–]Joke_Getter -1 points0 points ago

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That's okay. You still get the precious karma for your dumb pictures, you just have to also put up with people pointing out how terrible they are.

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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It's pretty obvious that you care more about karma than content if that's all you talk about. Other folks, like myself, don't care. I've been here 3 years. Why would I care about karma? I'm more interested in sharing new content by either creating it myself or finding it brand new. If that's "killing reddit" then you are asking for a world of nothing but reposts.

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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... a baby isn't a toy. I think posters who complain about having to see stuff they don't want to see on a community site should be immediately deleted, amirite? Plus, I don't give a fuck about karma. I was just sharing some awesome because sharing is caring.

[–]Joke_Getter 0 points1 point ago

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Prove you don't care about karma. Start a brand new account.

[–]Domestica[S] 0 points1 point ago

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What does that prove? I won't have my reddit gold (i really enjoy the bonus features I get with it, especially in reading comments) and i'm not paying for two accounts. Besides, I've been Domestica for 3 years, why would I need to change that? That's my identity.