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all 144 comments

[–]rsheahen 124 points125 points ago

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If it moves and it shouldn't: Ducktape. If it should move but doesn't:WD40. Words to live by.

[–]belzner 41 points42 points ago

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For the record, Duck Tape is a brand of duct tape, where duct tape with a "t" is the generic name for the product.

[–]MagicSchoolBusKid 7 points8 points ago

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According to my research, WD40 stands for "Water Displacement – 40th Attempt" and is composed of many hydrocarbons.

[–]d_rok 44 points45 points ago

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Yet you didn't point out WD-40 is a brand of lubricant...

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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WD-40 isn't a lubricant, it's a penetrating agent.

[–]d_rok 85 points86 points ago

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HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.

PENIS.

[–]toinfinitiandbeyond 28 points29 points ago

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Side note: Don't put WD-40 on your PENIS!

[–]mrpiratetoyou 49 points50 points ago

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Not on, in. That's what the straw is for.

[–]preliator 56 points57 points ago

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This made me shiver.

[–]matty348 10 points11 points ago

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Well next time you probably shouldn't do what mrpiratetoyou says.

[–]intensenerd 2 points3 points ago

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Why on earth? Dear hell. That just isn't right at all.

[–]silent_p 8 points9 points ago

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Also, would advise against putting duck tape on you penis.

[–]D__ 4 points5 points ago

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What about a duck?

[–]Chobeo 6 points7 points ago

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That's one way to get it to say Aflack.

[–]toinfinitiandbeyond 1 point2 points ago

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It may also start to tweet inappropriate stuff on twitter...

[–]unussapiens 5 points6 points ago

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Nope, it's a water dispersant that happens to be useful for other things. It was the 40th attempt at making such a product. The name is Water Dispersant - #40, or WD-40 for short.

[–]explodingzebras 1 point2 points ago

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TIL ^

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]MOLESTOTHESUPERAPIST 2 points3 points ago

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It's a water displacement agent.

[–]Ninswap 0 points1 point ago

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WD-40 isn't a penetrating agent, it's a water displacer (WD). It's both of those things as well. It lubricates. It penetrates. It displaces. It knows how to get the job done.

[–]hogger84 0 points1 point ago

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It's a water displacement agent, (40th trial formulation)

[–]Pravusmentis 12 points13 points ago

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No band aid for you, you get an adhesive cotton strip.

[–]cr3ative 4 points5 points ago

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Or a plaster, anywhere else in the world.

[–]danharibo 2 points3 points ago

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When I first heard "band aid", for some unfathomable reason I heard the words "band saw", and was confused as to how amputation was going to help.

[–]belzner 10 points11 points ago

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Just pointing out the duck vs. duct misconception. FUN FACT ALERT: Before it was commonly used on duct work, the original name of the product (when it was invented during WWII) was actually duck tape, because water rolled off it like water off a duck's back.

[–]d_rok 14 points15 points ago

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Well maybe rsheahen is a WW2 veteran and you should feel ashamed for calling him a stupid fucking liar.

[–]Qxzkjp 4 points5 points ago

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Interesting use of the word fact. There's disagreement as to what it was originally called, there are references to "duck tape" for venetian blinds circa 1890, but that was non-adhesive and actually made of ducks. Although J&J claim it was called "duck tape" by the military in WWII, there are no surviving contemporary accounts of what it was called. The first written reference to it post-WWII calls it "duct tape", but this may be folk etymology.

[–]keerf 6 points7 points ago

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Also, duct tape is not and can not be used for duct work as it does not meet fire building code.

[–]aproncat 8 points9 points ago

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Also unsuitable for repairing ducks.

[–]alettuce 0 points1 point ago

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How have I reached adulthood without ever hearing this joke?

[–]Qxzkjp 4 points5 points ago

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That's very true. It just didn't stop people in the 40s using it for that.

[–]hogger84 0 points1 point ago

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>actually made of ducks

Damn novelty accounts like "bulshittingyou" and "liar" I now have to keep looking if it is real

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]hogger84 2 points3 points ago

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The way you.stress not sounds like you have painful personal experience. My first thought is naturally you true it as a "personal Lubricant"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]nova20 0 points1 point ago

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Actually, that's not true.

Duck tape is a waterproof tape composed of a plastic sheet, loosely-knit cloth, and an adhesive. It's not very heat/cold resistant, and is actually not very good for repairing or joining metal ducts.

Duct tape is a heat/cold resistant tape made up of a thin metal sheet with adhesive on one side used for repairing and joining metal ducts for heating and air.

[–]Sniperchild -4 points-3 points ago

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the generic name is duck tape - as it has a water resistant backing

[–]Pravusmentis 3 points4 points ago

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no; it is duct tape, for air ducts etc

[–]Quinnigan -4 points-3 points ago

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No it is duck tape as he says, see belzner's second comment.

[–]Qxzkjp 4 points5 points ago

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Regardless of the disputed etymology of the product, the legal generic name for it is indeed now duct tape, duck tape being a trademark of J&J.

[–]vitamin_t 20 points21 points ago

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WD-40 is not a lubricant, and is considered by many to be very abrasive. While it is excellent at removing grease and lubricants, on its own it is a very poor lubricant. The rumors of WD-40 being some wonder-chemical are not as true as people would like to believe. Do yourself a favor and make sure all WD-40 has been removed from a surface before applying a real lubricant. Also, never use it on your bike.

[–]z3rb 47 points48 points ago

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You shut your whore mouth.

[–]regomodo 12 points13 points ago

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is considered by many to be very abrasive

WD40 isn't abrasive, it removes/thins any form of lubrication and leaves bare surfaces that will abrade due to no lube.

[–]TopAce6 4 points5 points ago

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Well I can say this don't use it on plastic or rubber.... I cringe when I see people ruining there equipment like that.

[–]SAWK -1 points0 points ago

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I agree. Their definitely going to fuck it up.

[–]lumberingJack 2 points3 points ago

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I see what you did they're.

[–]vitamin_t 2 points3 points ago

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Thank you for clearing that up. I was somewhat vague because I wasn't entirely certain of its properties in regard to abrasiveness. I have read similar things regarding its negative effects on plastics and rubbers as TopAce6 stated.

[–]Athegon 0 points1 point ago

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It's a pretty wonderful chemical, though. It removes grease, penetrates threads, helps remove rust, serves as a decent protectant (I use it on the outside of my steel firearms to prevent rust).

[–]IsntActuallyRelevant -1 points0 points ago

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[–]surfnaked 2 points3 points ago

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I've been fixing holes in my surfboards for years with it. Still the best instant fix.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Fooleo 0 points1 point ago

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Interesting, your philosophy is very similar to my own, except with duct tape, and a hammer.

Sweet Crackers, it is good to finally say those words.

[–]TehGogglesDoNothing 0 points1 point ago

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I prefer the pb blaster to wd40. It puts wd40 to shame.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Duck tape holds the world together and WD-40 keeps it moving

[–]amaefm 3 points4 points ago

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STOP SAYING DUCK TAPE

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Who the fuck gives a shit? I am aware of the generic term. But, unlike the rest of you, I am not an anal-retentive hard-ass. I will reword my statement for your ass-clenching pleasure: Duct tape holds the world together and water dispersant keeps it moving.

[–]amaefm -5 points-4 points ago

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Nah, ur dumb. It's duct tape.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Nah, you're dumb. It's either.

[–]amaefm -4 points-3 points ago

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Look... just because dumb people like you have misspoken so long that it has become a colloquialism doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make you any smarter for not saying it right. Dumb ass.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I used Duck because my interest was solely in replying to rsheahen and sharing the version I had always heard used and didn't feel like being a fucking dick and badgering him about the correct usage. I am sorry your ass is hurt use a fucking Kleenex to wipe your tears.

[–]SteelCity905 -2 points-1 points ago

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so true, so true. preach on.

[–]aye_priori 40 points41 points ago

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Perhaps Reddit's servers could benefit from some of this magical tape..

[–]Pravusmentis 5 points6 points ago

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I happen to have a rich uncle in Nigera who makes a brand of this tape; I could help arrange a sale perhaps?

[–]Lelldorianx 6 points7 points ago

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Nigera, eh? These scams are getting so good that I no longer recognize the names of the countries!

[–]315was_an_inside_job 1 point2 points ago

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In college my roommates and I would call it stability factor. When we were building tall things out of old furniture and smaller things, if it was wobbly we would say it needed more stability factor.

[–]Tripleshadow 1 point2 points ago

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Nay, their servers aren't working well because they already tried duct tape. Some WD-40 should do the trick.

[–]chromefox -1 points0 points ago

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This is how I picture Reddit's staff trying to fix the problems. They just haven't figured out that duct tape (whatever they're doing) isn't cutting it.

[–]Uncle_Sammy 11 points12 points ago

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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I assume that's to test if it's still moving. If the tape pulls off or stretches it's still moving.

[–]freakball 5 points6 points ago

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I agree.

Perhaps this is near a fault line, and a concerned homeowner was looking to see if the situation was getting worse.

[–]merreborn 3 points4 points ago

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I live 1/3 of a mile from a major fault, so I was doing a little research. Turns out USGS takes pictures of fault damage and publishes them. A lot of them look a lot like this.

Picture related: it's not just any old crack in the pavement. It's the motherfucking hayward fault

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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This is the simplest way to track where the movement is happening, how quickly and in which direction without survey equipment. If the whole thing is moving you need to reference something else nearby if you're measuring other ways.

[–]12characters 0 points1 point ago

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ಠ_ಠ

or it was a joke

[–]falafel1066 9 points10 points ago

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I think they tried that when there was Pangea. Didn't work.

[–]daveshere 10 points11 points ago

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i wondered why california hadn't fallen off yet.

[–]AddNine 0 points1 point ago

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He stopped it!

[–]timperry42 6 points7 points ago

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That is not Duct tape. It is an asphalt crack sealing tape which is extremely effective. You actually have to heatbond it to the road.

[–]iamplasma 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, this exact picture was submitted several months ago and the conclusion was that there is nothing wrong with what is seen in this picture. The tape is insanely strong and firmly affixed to the road, such that it can be used for minor repairs such as this.

[–]Victreebel 5 points6 points ago

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I think you just postponed May 21st.

[–]AssumeTheFetal 10 points11 points ago

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Thank god someone did something. The earth almost tore apart at the seams.

[–]spupy 1 point2 points ago

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It was the Doctor. He fixes the cracks in the universe.

[–]baked420 1 point2 points ago

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I'm doing this to the fault-line that's outside my door.

[–]Demonkid549 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Eden123 1 point2 points ago

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It's a shame that most kittens grow up to be assholes!

[–]max2grand 0 points1 point ago

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Nicely random

[–]cusoman 1 point2 points ago

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As my uncle always used to say: "If you can't duck it, fuck it."

[–]air_max 0 points1 point ago

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This should really be the top comment

[–]raaynes 2 points3 points ago

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Red Green would be proud.

[–]carlson_001 1 point2 points ago

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Is there anything it can't do?

[–]rshappy 4 points5 points ago

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[–]merreborn 0 points1 point ago

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Shhh. relevant_rule_34 might hear you.

[–]Pravusmentis 0 points1 point ago

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A picture of the elusive asphalt lightning bolt

[–]andrewsmith1986 0 points1 point ago

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Speed tape may help.

[–]architwat 0 points1 point ago

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Duct tape and Cable-Ties. Literally no other products are needed in life... ever.

[–]hogger84 0 points1 point ago

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Wd40

[–]newfie_hiscock 0 points1 point ago

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definitly...damn world moving apart!!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I think you just prevented the end of the world that was predicted to take place on the 21st. I just wish I didn't spend all of my savings.

[–]grumpywhenwet 0 points1 point ago

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Harold, I told you to call the repairman and quit trying to do everything yourself!

[–]NintyFanBoy 0 points1 point ago

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Billy May's told me that one should use Fix it!, to buff out those cracks.

[–]tatastrophy 0 points1 point ago

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You wanna come to NOLA and try your method :)

[–]legrandloup 0 points1 point ago

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The Doctor's solution to fixing the crack in the universe seems a bit...underwhelming.

[–]sariaslani 0 points1 point ago

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Great job Cal Trans!

[–]foxp3 0 points1 point ago

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this, if the GOP ran Japan.

[–]ropers 0 points1 point ago

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The tape is probably there to determine over time if there is still movement, not to fix it.

[–]12characters 0 points1 point ago

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  • already posted (multiple times)
  • only if the test is being performed by a 4th grader
  • not sure if trolling

[–]TheBilefulOne 0 points1 point ago

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There is a boring explanation: It's markers that needed to show, whether the crack become wider or not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Well if this is on the front page it's official, I just don't get it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Pictured: A third-world country or Alabama

[–]the_people_must_know 0 points1 point ago

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TEXAS!

[–]audiofreedom 0 points1 point ago

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looks foolproof!

[–]Oriza 0 points1 point ago

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I live in Michigan and this is what at least half of the streets look (and feel, when driving) like.

I wonder...if I actually did this, would city council do something about it?

[–]Fooleo 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you magicaldung. I now have a new and adorable hobby.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Taped it.

[–]bobskee 0 points1 point ago

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Troll Construction

[–]Childs_Play 0 points1 point ago

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There are specialized kinds of tape for this purpose. I saw tape, but they're woven fibers of types iircc. tldr: It might not be the kind of duct tape you think it is. Anyone in civil engineering that can confirm?

[–]notmyrealaccountlad 0 points1 point ago

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Close Enough

[–]wh3873 0 points1 point ago

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It would work better if it was Gaffers tape.

[–]bunnyfarts 0 points1 point ago

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"two parts of space and time that should never have touched"

[–]ISmokeForSagan 0 points1 point ago

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I've seen this posted before and some guy answering that this is a product developed by 3M. It is extremely strong and it actually DOES help to keep the road from slipping any more.

[–]MrFrenchTickler 0 points1 point ago

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"Anything is possible with enough duct tape"-Red Green

[–]CircumcisedSpine 0 points1 point ago

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Why aren't we using this technology on fault lines to prevent earthquakes?

[–]MindBonk 0 points1 point ago

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Duck-tape fixes everything but gorilla tape FTW!

[–]omnilynx 0 points1 point ago

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Don't be silly now, nobody thinks the duct tape is going to fix the road.

It's just to support any cars that go over it, as a temporary measure.

[–]toy205 0 points1 point ago

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Crap its breaking, get the glue

[–]ryokea 0 points1 point ago

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Can see the budget cuts are in full effect.

[–]opskiwla 0 points1 point ago

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They were not kidding when they say that the world will fall apart without duct tape.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This will show up on Jay Leno five months from now.

[–]aMANescape 0 points1 point ago

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Barack Obama's stimulus package :) Bet you forgot about that

[–]LoPhatt 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Metacortex92 0 points1 point ago

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If you can't fix it with duct tape, YOU ARE NOT USING ENOUGH!

[–]bigredirish 0 points1 point ago

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Missed a spot. Just saying.

[–]Faal 0 points1 point ago

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Hey-at least you tried.

[–]JoshuaReddit 0 points1 point ago

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[–]KeepJerseyDirty 0 points1 point ago

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If you can't Duct it, fuck it.

[–]devski 0 points1 point ago

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Damn those Japanese and their fancy repair techniques.

[–]pvdp 0 points1 point ago

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It has a dark and a light side, and it mysteriously binds the universe together.

[–]magicaldung[S] -3 points-2 points ago

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Here's another "that should fix it": LINK

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]magicaldung[S] -5 points-4 points ago

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I don't get it O_o

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: chec

[–]9ren 2 points3 points ago

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funny thing is, if the rip tie wasn't visible, it would be super effective (e.g. looking from the other side of the post).

security theater

[–]SAWK 0 points1 point ago

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Zip tie.

[–]9ren 1 point2 points ago

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unk. thanks, I'd actually googled for the right term, and the "rip ties" looked close enough from my cursory inspection. But now it seems that you're right, what the chain uses are "zip ties", and "rip ties" are a sort of velcro version of a zip tie.

At least, from this slightly less cursory inspection... who knows what ultimate truth lies deeper?

[–]Pravusmentis -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah but what happened when it rains?

[–]deuceexmachina -1 points0 points ago

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a few drops of super glue and you've got yourself one perfect redneck road repair.

[–]fuzzb0y -1 points0 points ago

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Duct tape seriously fixes everything. You can make wallets, slippers, clothing, bags out of duct tape. In Lost they fixed the plane with duct tape. Duct tape seriously fixes everything.