this post was submitted on
2,255 points (57% like it)
8,908 up votes 6,653 down votes

funny

subscribe2,445,971 readers

8,683 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

Added because /r/funny is viewed by users who may be underage, at work etc. Users Submitting Dick Pics etc and Racist submissions or comments and Inappropriate content will be BANNEDInstantly, No If's and or but's. - Those submissions belong in /r/nsfwfunny or elsewhere on reddit - Not here.

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 314

[–]ConsummateK 141 points142 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My ex walked in on me. "WTF ARE YOU DOING"

"Uh...The fuck does it look like? You mind?"

Only option is to embrace it my friends. Stare her in the eyes and finish.

[–]Uncle-Dads-Whistle 265 points266 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And then she's like "GTFO I broke up with you like 4 months ago!"

[–]ConsummateK 48 points49 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not too far off point, and the sex has never been better.

[–]crackshot91 35 points36 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

...wait a second. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Eustis 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Welcome to the world of today.

[–]skcusloa 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no one can make love to me like me

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, your gay, but only for yourself!

[–]central_marrow 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And that's when you realise you're on the bus.

[–]Ark6476 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's when you realize you're in a dream.

[–]IveMadeA_HugeMistake 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And that's when you realize they blew it up! Damn them! Damn them all to hell!

[–]masterofTHUMBS 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And then the cops get called and restraining orders get issued but make sure to steal her linens on your way out. Your towels are too scratchy.

[–]xyroclast 36 points37 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Reddit needs to get in the habit of saying "girlfriend at the time" instead of "ex". "ex" doesn't make it clear whether or not she was an ex at the time of the incident

[–]ConsummateK 17 points18 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Mah bad. My girlfriend at the time walked in on me.

[–]adrianmonk 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Or "then-girlfriend".

[–]eyeofthecodger 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

MGATT?

[–]Jerakeen 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If she gets pissy just tell her that you weren't thinking of her.

[–]elegylegacy 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Don't ask, "Do you mind?"

Instead ask, "Care to join me?"

[–]ConsummateK 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Eh, we had been together for awhile at that point. I was more interested in what was on the screen >.>

As I mentioned though, once we broke things off the fire was right back. Oh human sex drive, you so silly.

[–]Neebat 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"In or out? I can't hold this all day."

[–]nmezib 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Stare her in the eyes and finish.

Hey at least you'd be thinking about her. She should thankful!

[–]Scorpius289 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My ex walked in on me. "WTF ARE YOU DOING"

"Uh...The fuck does it look like? You mind?"

I guess she did mind it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Like a BOSS!

[–]f1gm3nt3d 242 points243 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd think the correct answer would be: "Finish it for him."

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Uncle-Dads-Whistle 40 points41 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

** BABALITY **

[–]trippingchilly 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

** ORGASMALITY **

[–]drolltroll 51 points52 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

LAME-ASS-QUOTALITY

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I GOT NOTHINALITY

[–]nopokejoke 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

/end

FATALITY

[–]feureau 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

FRIENDSHIP!!

[–]nopokejoke 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

NO

[–]ajgator7 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

REALITY

[–]ReallyAmazingPersUN 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

FAPTALITY

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 35 points36 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

FRIENDSHIP

[–]SenorZorro2000 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Friendship? Again?

[–]shadowguise 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

YOU WILL NEVER WIN!

[–]rootlinuxusr 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Potential 'babe'ality.

[–]ThatGirl_Tasha 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's polite to offer to lend a hand.

[–]colonelhiggins_MD 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

emma doesn't KNOW shit. her answer should have been "suck him off, you lazy bitch"

[–]hayden_evans 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Or, "put out more"

[–]ReverendSinatra 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

it went ok...

[–]hahaheeheehoho 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think it would end okay

[–][deleted] 226 points227 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Do not worry, wives of the world. Men masturbate. It is simply what they do, and you should not be worried if they do this even when married - it is natural. In fact, I'm masturbating right now."

-Pope John Paul

[–]eightiesguy 69 points70 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

-Martin Luther King Jr.

[–]unknownsoldierx 253 points254 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ah, the less famous "I have a wet dream" speech.

[–]JGoody 23 points24 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Laughing uproariously in the stacks during final weeks, angry stares. I'm not even sorry.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just yell out the joke

[–]Taibo 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

AHAHA I HAVE A WET DREAM HAHAHA

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I should really create extra accounts just to give this comment more upvotes.

[–]Rehef 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I see you've stumbled upon Gary Larson's winning formula.

[–]Zeppelanoid 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

-Michael Scott.

[–]wtfisflapdoodle 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

-Thomas Jefferson

[–]coup 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Only a day old and a great karma strike rate! You've captured the zeitgeist well

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think your comment would have been just as funny if it came from some regular account. What's with this influx of novelty accounts?

[–]alexanderwales 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

By having it be a novelty account, you're less likely to run into people who go "Wait, did he actually say that?" And while the answer is obviously no, we have some gullible people on reddit, and an even larger number of people who have a compulsion to correct false information.

[–]faulks 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

WHICH ONE? If you're gonna do something, don't half ass it, Made-up_Quote!

[–]annoyedatwork 679 points680 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If you put Emma in the title, it'd better be Emma Watson.

[–]wilsonics 298 points299 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's exactly WHY I clicked on it :(

[–][deleted] 133 points134 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 164 points165 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Katnipz 32 points33 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]TheGiantPanda 37 points38 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll be in my bunk.

[–]Aww_Shucks 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll be in TheGiantPanda's bunk.

[–]TheGiantPanda 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Few requirements for people entering my bunk that aren't me. 1. Be a girl 2. Be hot. 3. Put a bag over your head with emma watson crudely drawn on it.

[–]trippingchilly 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The rules for my bunk are similar and simpler:

  1. Be not me

[–]bumblingbagel8 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What happens if you show up to share your bunk with you?

[–]IamSparticles 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Does it count as masturbation if time travel is involved?

[–]TheGiantPanda 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That was mine at the beginning, but after that one night where a guy showed up in the middle of the night and snuck in....

[–]trippingchilly 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

WE'RE HERE!

WE'RE NOT QUEER!

BUT AT LEAST SOMEONE PAYS ATTENTION TO ME!

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]lordspidey 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

FAPfap FAPfapfap FAPfapfapfap FAPFapFapFapFap FAPFapFapFapFapFap FAPFapFapFapFapfap

*edit on second thought that text doesn't actually translate to echo as well as I thought. :/

[–]toxicFork 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You see, FAPFapFapFapFapfap is enough to simulate an echo.

FAPfap FAPFapfap ... means you're moving one step per fap from a normal room towards an echo chamber. Or you're fapping one fap level higher per fap.

And that's how I came up with the fap level meter.

[–]cinofx 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I read that as one single fap stroke that echoes far and beyond.

[–]Dragon_DLV 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oboe, the official sound of Fapping.

[–]XoYo 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Pink oboe?

[–]sigma_noise 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think you meant "batecave".. unless you have some weird shit going on

[–]StudsUp 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He is implying that Emma Watson is Jailbait.

[–]Illadelphian 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just wondering but could you honestly masturbate to a picture like that? I know you were probably joking but I'm just curious if people can actually get off to pictures like that.

[–]TheGiantPanda 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes. It's Emma Watson that's all the reasoning you need.

[–]Uncle-Dads-Whistle 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I didn't find her amazingly hot in that picture. Name rang a bell but I didn't know who she is. Googled her to see what she's known for, now I see why so many redditors love her...

[–]central_marrow 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't know what all fuss about Emma Watson is suddenly. I've been saying she was hot since the first film.

[–]oboewan42 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why don't you have a seat over here...

[–]TheGiantPanda 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]bsilver 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

TIL there's an Emma Watson subreddit...

[–]TheGiantPanda 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Your welcome.

[–]Illadelphian 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Huh, interesting. See for me I would never get off on that. I mean I could make myself I suppose but it wouldn't really do anything for me.

[–]TheGiantPanda 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You have put way to much thought into this.

[–]CuntSmellersLLP 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I must agree with the fellow water pipe enthusiast. If a fully clothed upper torso and face got me off, I'd have to live in complete isolation for fear of priapism.

tl;dr: She needs to be crying in pain or covered in shit or something, or it's not doin it for me.

[–]TheGiantPanda 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's the last time I read a tl;dr

[–]Illadelphian 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Really? I wrote a grand total of 5 sentences in 2 replies, all of which were very short and not complicated at all. If this constitutes a lot of thought to you then I'm sorry.

[–]DubiumGuy 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma cleavage.JPG

Picture title is misleading. :(

[–]Vole85 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Doesn't it show ALL of her cleavage?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

shhh! Quite! No one here apparently knows what cleavage is and your going to get down voted for pointing it out!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That made it better! AH HA!

[–]hett 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The Emma photo is shopped.

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 43 points44 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma Watson: Hold on, I've just got to freshen up.

[She opens the bathroom door to reveal annoyedatwork standing, fully nude, and masturbating furiously. Every muscle in his body flexes and throbs along to a hypnotic rhythm; the air is electric with raw sexual power. He is briefly startled by the intrusion and stops to meet Emma's gaze.]

Emma: Oh gosh. I'm sorry. I didn't know, I mean, sorry, I thought, um...

[Beat. annoyedatwork remains still, neutral.]

annoyedatwork: It is what it is.

Emma: Er, yes, quite. It, um... what?

annoyedatwork: It is what it is.

[–]Aww_Shucks 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I would imagine he accidentally ejaculates onto Emma just as she opens the door.

[–]Mr_Big_Stuff 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Comments like this are the reason I keep coming back to Reddit.

[–]pdclkdc 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

slow fap

[–]rel1sh 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

coming back to Reddit

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Mr_Big_Stuff 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sorry, I meant "on" instead of "to"

[–]ordinia 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually that's worse.

[–]toxicFork 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, one should come into reddit, not on.

[–]bumblingbagel8 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Who do you think you are?

(how many times have you gotten that response?)

[–]Mr_Big_Stuff 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At least a dozen. But I still smile every time.

[–]carpedisaster 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It went okay.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And then suddenly dick attack

[–]APiousCultist 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why is there not a RelevantErotica throwaway?

[–]DharmaTurtleSC 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Heh, I don't think anyone is catching the day9 reference.

[–]xiipledge 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

/screddit is leaking

[–]had3l 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I will accept Emma Roberts.

[–]Krillin -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]woofers02 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Could be worse, coulda been "Emma gives great masturbation advice."

[–]superGreatAwesome 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Guess you shoulda knocked.

[–]danxmason 54 points55 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Can we set up some sort of world-wide advertising campaign telling women that it's NORMAL for guys to masturbate?

[–]stumptowngal 82 points83 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's okay, secure women already know and accept this.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

why dont we just set up some sort of a world-wide advertising campaign telling PEOPLE that its okay to masturbate. gender/sex doesn't matter.

[–]danxmason 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm pretty sure every man already knows that women masturbating is awesome.

[–]Neebat 17 points18 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Remind me again that women masturbate. It helps me visualize.

[–]TheCommentAppraiser 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Women masturbate.

[–]meganphetamine 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Only retarded girls think boys don't masturbate. Most know and dont give a shit.

[–]ThatGirl_Tasha 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think a high ratio of Reddit users have dysfunctional girlfriends.

If you've ever heard a woman use the term "Jillin' it" or "Jill off" well, now you know the rest of the story.

[–]rel1sh 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

TIL a slang term for masturbation used by women.

[–]opskiwla 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

[–]rel1sh 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Take that, childhood!

[–]a_can_of_solo 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

sort of like 'It gets better' for self love ?

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Remember how before the internet, people would troll newspapers, good times!

[–]Daxx22 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh how I wish this was trolling, but this seems to be all too common for wives/girlfriends to have this opinion towards masturbation :(

[–]daleok 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Knock? Hell, why not join him and help him get off.

[–]RazorBarrage 17 points18 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It went okay

[–]ZeppelinJ0 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sometimes I think I'm getting sick of this comment. Then I see it again out in the wild and it's just as funny as the first time.

Truly a masterwork within the reddit community.

[–]RazorBarrage 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Plus it's kind of full circle from the original post

[–]aqwin 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Can you possibly send me back to the original post? I want to re live the love.

[–]ZeppelinJ0 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Here ya go

You kind of have to follow what's happening he blows up this huge story, does his little edit then vanishes.

Also, the comments are brilliant.

[–]Delbaeth 21 points22 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This post is not about Emma Watson. Take it back.

[–]DamselUnderStress 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So much worldly wisdom hides behind that silver-fringed brow...

[–]woofers02 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The sooner all women just accept this, the sooner we'll take a big step forward in humanity.

[–]GlorifiedNewt 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Did anyone else click this hoping to see Emma Watson?

[–]Coloneljesus 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I clicked hoping to see shit.

[–]lifelurker 5 points6 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If a man ever caught his wife or GF masturbating, what would he do? a) Be disgusted. b) Thank God. She has a libido after all. c) Ask if he could watch. d) Ask if this is the part where he whips it out and she finishes him off with her mouth. e) All of the above (well, except a).

[–]absurdistfromdigg 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The correct answer would be (b).

[–]aureliano_babilonia 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma looks a lot like John Malkovich.

[–]masterofTHUMBS 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I was thinking maybe John Travolta with an old lady wig.

[–]longshot 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes! I would agree. It's glorious!

[–]Rain12913 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Um, also, Emma has a mustache.....? Am I the only one to notice this or is something going right over my head?

[–]moothemagiccow 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

got a problem with mustaches, bru?

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]ghanima 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So you plan on ceasing all masturbation upon receiving frequent-enough sex? Honestly, getting enough sex to sate my libido might just mean that I masturbate less frequently.

[–]princess2sarah 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Surely he should have learnt the first time she walked in to lock the Fuckn door! My boyfriend occasionally locks the door for quality time with himself that is ok by me.... Although I do enjoy finishing the job for him!

[–]dubplate 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma John Malkovich knows his shit.

[–]loyalone 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What puritanical crap. The answer should have been "Honey, you ain't givin' him enough! Now, suck that dick!"

[–]Musselhead 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma looks like a man...

[–]7aji88 39 points40 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's how she knows the answer.

[–]Musselhead 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That would explain.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She explain.

[–]alexgeek 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She's emman

[–]Germanfries 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh lawd.

[–]xyroclast 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

*Oh lawld

[–]MysterManager 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

TIL, John malkovich puts on a wig and answers questions under the alias Emma.

[–]vitaminwateryum 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Malkovich malkovich malkovich, malkovich.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]cboogie 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

uhoh I have not seen this. but the repost police are on high alert. man I gotta stay on reddit like all day to be able to be cool like the repost police.

[–]danr2c2 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm sorry, but could someone please add more arrows so I know what to laugh at? I just don't feel like it's pointed out enough.

[–]Denex 0 points1 point ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This image needs bigger and more conspicuous arrows. How else are we supposed to know what to look at?

[–]ProFail -5 points-4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Repost alert.

[–]ProbabilityOfWhining 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

1

[–]Zomoco 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Bring lotion

[–]Lightpollution 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Join in?

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Shadowin 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not allowed to masturbate? You know, there are plenty of women out there.

[–]oc192 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Dude, unless you are having serious issues reaching the finish line during regularly occurring sexy time with your GF, she should NOT be dictating your private alone time EVER!

[–]Gul_DuKat 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What the hell are you doing?! Don't obey crazy! Jizz on crazy's face while she's sleeping! Or, I dunno, dump crazy. Shit man, BOTH.

[–]teems 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

sweet jesus, do yourself a favour and spank your monkey.

no woman should have control over your wank sessions...

[–]nmezib 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As a man who has not been allowed to masturbate in 5 months by my girlfriend

Really? I'd think it'd be pretty easy to sneak some masturbation time in there, since you're not the one wearing the pants anyway.

[–]StickR 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Fuck, 5 months? You must be turned on by the slightest of touches!

[–]login_or_register_ 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Somebody help poor Bob.

[–]unclenewman 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

hahah.

[–]cjnkns 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Put out more would have been my response.

[–]Alertness 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Knock on what? O.o

[–]aMANescape 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Perhaps offer a hand?

[–]pottos 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i want her to be my wife/mother

[–]grandom 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A+. Would take advice from again.

[–]rossiFan 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma doesn't, in fact, know her shit. She should should have said: "knock or give it up more than once a month."

[–]birdablaze 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I love watchin' dudes masturbate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Emma is hot

[–]climbsrocks 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Lose weight"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Don't make any sudden moves, that thing could go off at any time and without warning!