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all 161 comments

[–]anexanhume 93 points94 points ago

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Finally, a Dance with Dragons is done.

[–]zyxwvutsr 14 points15 points ago

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Winter is not coming.

It is known.

[–]belandil 3 points4 points ago

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You know nothing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Winter is not coming.

Not after they cut down the trees for the first printing, it ain't.

[–]ChairGraveyard 5 points6 points ago

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Picture taken in 2025.

[–]RudeJokeExplainer 1 point2 points ago

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Holy hell, this joke is possibly the darkest most cynical comment ever posted in reddit's history. anexanhume knew he could have gone with War and Peace or even Infinite Jest, but he knows that most mouth breathing redditors will never read anything unless it involves laser guns or dragons and instead picked some shitty fantasy pot boiler with lots of pages. His dark commentary is cutting and openly dismisses the geek enabling internet culture that is slowly leading us to anti-intellectual depths so deep, it will someday be impossible to ever come back.

[–]jmk4422 7 points8 points ago

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most mouth breathing redditors will never read anything unless it involves laser guns or dragons

War and Peace or Infinite Jest would not have been funny. Both of those books, in case you don't know, have already been published. A Dance With Dragons, on the other hand, has been a work in progress for over five years now and still isn't done (but has a release date of 12 July 2011). That is what makes anexanhume's comment funny: the fact that Martin is writing a monster of a book that keeps growing and growing.

I contend that it's your comment that might be the most cynical in Reddit's history. Have you even read any of the A Song of Ice and Fire books? For that matter, have you read War and Peace or Infinite Jest? Do you know what the hell you're talking about?

You got a handful of easy upvotes for your cynicism and your Reddit-bashing "all Redditors are nerds" declaration. Good for you. But I ask you this:

Who but us nerds and geeks would read War and Peace in the first place?

You truly do know nothing, RudeJokeExplainer.

[–]TheGoshDarnedBatman 2 points3 points ago

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Upvoted for pissing me off, then making me lol at the name.

[–]wiseleyb 0 points1 point ago

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best comment i've read in ages

[–]Funnelcakes 0 points1 point ago

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He will probably die before he finishes it.

[–]down_vote_magnet 151 points152 points ago

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TL;DR

[–]glitterforbrains 13 points14 points ago

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The TL;DR of which is War and Peace, right?

[–]Felt_Ninja 5 points6 points ago

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Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

[–]ENTP -3 points-2 points ago

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Racist.

[–]Felt_Ninja 1 point2 points ago

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Only against whitey.

[–]Mister_Snrub 47 points48 points ago

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Somebody should tell this guy that the internet is on computers these days.

[–]Eccentrica_Gallumbit 16 points17 points ago

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Where's the any key?

[–]sixtythree 6 points7 points ago

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i think ill order a tab

[–]pbjohnson79 7 points8 points ago

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if you want a Tab, pal, you have to pay for it!

[–]arbitus 5 points6 points ago

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I can't give you a tab until you order somethin'!

[–]TheOpus 6 points7 points ago

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Then gimme a Pepsi Free.

[–]Osiris32 2 points3 points ago

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Too many puns, I must escape!!

[–]userlame 0 points1 point ago

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You are my density.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TheOpus 1 point2 points ago

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Look, just give me something without any sugar.

[–]lumpyg 1 point2 points ago

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All I wanted to do was not have that sip, but you persevered, and I had that sip, and thank Tab I did, because my previous life was just a dream, but now I'm awake!

[–]discobreakin 0 points1 point ago

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No time for that now - the computer is starting

[–]pearljamman010 -2 points-1 points ago

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Just make sure your table has enough space

[–]minche 41 points42 points ago*

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Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Aa to Ad

[–]footstepsfading 4 points5 points ago

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[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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This is the book in question if anyone cares. Horrible website, more informative article.

Jesus, that website is criminal. Unreadably scaled text in an image.

[–]cjdyal 4 points5 points ago

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The whole image is just a link to email him, as well.

[–]GeorgeLiquor 5 points6 points ago

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@aol.com

[–]ase8913 0 points1 point ago

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hahaha wow

[–]ringringbananaphone[!] 4 points5 points ago

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my company's proxy also blocked the first link as "suspicious", so click with caution.

[–]lskalt 0 points1 point ago

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I've seen it in person. It's built to be legitimately readable.

[–]Chili440 0 points1 point ago

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I can barely read this screen again after looking at that - got this whole weird trippy thing happening to my eyes (and not in a good way).

[–]EverGlow89 194 points195 points ago

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Hey, Canada needs Wikipedia too.

[–]FossilMan 24 points25 points ago

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Looks like a single volume of the tax code.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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That's not a book, its a paper slinky.

[–]SomeBug 0 points1 point ago

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Came here to send that bad boy down the stairs. Upboat!

[–]madamimadamimadam 15 points16 points ago

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Infinite Jest: the unabridged edition.

[–]tehnico 10 points11 points ago

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'Woman: user guide'

[–]artemisgoldfish 8 points9 points ago

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THE NEW DIGI-KEY CATALOG IS HERE YAAAAY!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And here I was thinking I had an original thought.

[–]genpfault 8 points9 points ago

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Is that the new Sword of Truth omnibus edition?

[–]Dioracat 5 points6 points ago

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Or the Wheel of Time omnibus edition. Also, upboat for Terry Goodkind reference.

[–]trimeta 8 points9 points ago

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I see they've collected the Wheel of Time series into one volume.

Yes, it's a bad joke, I know. The collected Wheel of Time would be much larger.

[–]zeclorn 8 points9 points ago

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I did not know your mother's little black book was in print.

[–]SoCo_cpp 13 points14 points ago

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This is the book I learned C++ from, oh so many years ago.

[–]merreborn 0 points1 point ago

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K&R is only 1/2 an inch thick :|

[–]SoCo_cpp 9 points10 points ago

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Mine was likely less than an inch, but it sure felt like it was this big at 13 years old.

[–]merreborn 11 points12 points ago

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Wow, did I ever misinterpret that, reading it in my inbox without context.

[–]SoCo_cpp 3 points4 points ago

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oh man. Reading that comment without context definitely was bad. I didn't realize.

[–]Misguided_Editor 1 point2 points ago

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It made the BEST booster seat in 5th grade

[–]sonofabitch 2 points3 points ago

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K&R is for C, no? Stroustrup is the (perplexing to a Freshman) C++ book. Though I haven't touched either in years...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Sneak in. Remove the last 10 pages. Hold to ransom.

[–]centurijon 6 points7 points ago

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I'd love to take that to a Kinko's to request 1000 copies & re-bindings.

[–]iMarmalade 2 points3 points ago

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That will be $200,000 sir.

[–]JerkInACircle 3 points4 points ago

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Just imagine how much coke that guy could hide in there if he hollowed it out

[–]DudeBroChill 4 points5 points ago

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The movie was better ...

[–]ggnetics 3 points4 points ago

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MOAB.

[–]gun_toting_catharsis 3 points4 points ago

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longbook is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

[–]awesomeideas 4 points5 points ago

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Encyclopaedia Galactica: The first edition.

[–]MAJORPOOPY 2 points3 points ago

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U.S. Tax Law

[–]ColonicIrritation 5 points6 points ago

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Why? Why not separate this large quantity of information into manageable and logical increments? for instance; volumes.

Why does this exist?

[–]Cgkfox 2 points3 points ago

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That's not a book, that's a slinky.

[–]paulrpotts 2 points3 points ago

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It's volume 4 of the Last Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, including the index of names and a guide to uncommon words.

[–]albinotron 0 points1 point ago

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I read the first six books, were the Last Chronicles any good?

[–]paulrpotts 0 points1 point ago*

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I have just finished Fatal Revenant and am waiting for #3 and #4 to come out in paperback. I am still kind of grappling with my opinion of them. They are extremely long. The plot is getting extremely complicated. Magical characters are popping out of the woodwork everywhere, and it's very talky, with hundreds of pages of anguished introspection between brief action scenes. He's made a truly jaw-droppingly half-hearted attempt to merge some of the present story into the past by saying "oh, some of the characters back then knew about X, but they didn't mention it in the first two trilogies because... well, no one ever asked about them." Whaaaat???

On the one hand, I love some of Donaldson's language and imagination, but on the other, this is really a punishing slog. If you like his internal dialogue and anguish and the excesses of his writing style a LOT, then this takes it to a whole new level and you'll love it. Otherwise... well, I'll write up a full review at some point.

[–]gonosis 1 point2 points ago

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Wikipedia: The Abridged Version

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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The first 1,000 pages were a bit of a struggle to chew through but after that it was a page turner that you couldn't put down!

[–]jbroderick 1 point2 points ago

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UNIX is hard to learn!

[–]mass922 1 point2 points ago

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This is how I feel when I start studying for my finals.

[–]MeltedTwix 1 point2 points ago

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Is that Val Kilmer?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Must be the budget.

[–]exitpursuedbybear 1 point2 points ago

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I don't get it, these hobbits have been walking for 300 pages so far!

[–]nihilat 1 point2 points ago

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Is that The Art of Computer Programming??

[–]Jappetto 2 points3 points ago

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I heard Kanye was working on his autobiography but i would've never thought he finished it.

[–]carlrey0216 0 points1 point ago

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it's his elementary school days... The less Deuchier years Volume I

[–]brettsmith18 1 point2 points ago

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It's The Very Hungry Caterpillar written in REALLY big letters.

[–]sakalamp 0 points1 point ago

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I want to cut it with a knife

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like a giant ass book slinky.

[–]Helix_van_Boron 0 points1 point ago

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Finally. I've been waiting for a printed copy of Marienbad My Love.

[–]WatchYourTone 0 points1 point ago

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i also own the Garth Marenghi collection

[–]grizzlebear 0 points1 point ago

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The father of all lies.

[–]Pwnzu_Sauce 1 point2 points ago

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And the uncle of all tricks!

[–]Felt_Ninja 0 points1 point ago

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The second cousin of all deception.

[–]lemoncholly 0 points1 point ago

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No, You're thinking of the epic of gilgamesh

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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No, Gilgamesh was the fifth king of Uruk, you're thinking about the X-Files.

[–]Felt_Ninja 0 points1 point ago

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No, just Gillian Anderson with my hand down my pants.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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that's not how you do that, dude.

[–]raydeen 0 points1 point ago

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It's the way I'd do it.

[–]rameninside 0 points1 point ago

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Arrabge two of those books with overlapping pages all the way and you mow have an indualstrial grade link!

[–]redlion81 0 points1 point ago

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So that is the book they throw at you when you screw up. Wow thought it would have been bigger.

[–]neanderthalman 0 points1 point ago

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Mother of all booksafes?

You know you want to.

[–]Planar3 0 points1 point ago

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It's kind of like a slinky. It would only go down one stair though. :(

[–]Ireland1206 0 points1 point ago

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So ebooks aren't entirely bad for the book industry.

[–]Causemos 0 points1 point ago

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XML specifications?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Why would he want to read Atlas Shrugged?

[–]Runding 0 points1 point ago

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It's probably "The History of 4Chan, Digg, and Reddit -- A Compilation of the Times"

[–]ThisIsMikeMaven 0 points1 point ago

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And only THAT guy would ever read it.

[–]carpxogh 0 points1 point ago

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Slinky!

[–]alphasmart 0 points1 point ago

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Seems like Inspector Gadget's user manual to me...(surprised nobody's mentioned it yet)

[–]TeddyJake 0 points1 point ago

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must be the TiVo installation manual

[–]el_gaucho 0 points1 point ago

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Isn't this why we invented the Internet?

[–]neztach 0 points1 point ago

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or you can purchase a hardback version of wikipedia.

[–]VollieV 0 points1 point ago

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Slinky!

[–]Hooded_Demon 0 points1 point ago

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That guy kinda looks like Tobey Maguire if he were really greasy and old

[–]Pepe__Silvia 0 points1 point ago

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Read and build muscles. All at the same time!

[–]cbfw86 0 points1 point ago

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that's the argos catalogue. (UK redditors will get that. probably still wont laugh)

[–]raydeen 0 points1 point ago

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Ah good, they finally published the large print edition of God Emperor of Dune.

[–]gburnaman 0 points1 point ago

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"Tha Book or: The History of the Multiverse"

[–]3PH 0 points1 point ago

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I believe that's the United States tax code.

[–]Bullislander05 0 points1 point ago

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Oh hey the US Tax Code!

[–]toy205 0 points1 point ago

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Just amagine the paper cuts you could get while reading this!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Its the Xerox manual

[–]Lannistar 0 points1 point ago

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that guy clearly had the biggest boner in the world when this photo was taken

[–]Beowolve 0 points1 point ago

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I love slinkies!

[–]guitarman90 0 points1 point ago

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This is the Go-Go Gadget book.

[–]Wapiti-eater 0 points1 point ago

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Mother?

Hell, that's the whole famn damily tree!

[–]morbidfriends 0 points1 point ago

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Volume 1 of the United States Tax code.

[–]Purp1e 0 points1 point ago

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Holy fuck does anyone know what this book is, or is it shopped?

[–]SmokeyTH3bear 0 points1 point ago

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tax codes?

[–]dddddddddddg 0 points1 point ago

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Thank God in our universe there's a character limit to Twitter posts.

[–]centurijon 0 points1 point ago

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I'd love to take that to a Kinko's to request 1000 copies & re-bindings.

[–]horseyhorseyhorsey 0 points1 point ago

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one-way slinky

[–]rakdosleader 0 points1 point ago

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must be the manual for the next microsoft operating system

[–]Felt_Ninja 0 points1 point ago

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Windows 95?

[–]rakdosleader 0 points1 point ago

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windows 5000 super elite edition. Still not as good as linux

[–]CosmnVtafp2 -3 points-2 points ago

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Hold on guys! I gotta look something up (takes out of pocket, slams on table)

[–]Divernon -1 points0 points ago

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obama care

[–]brettsmith18 -2 points-1 points ago

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It's The Very Hungry Caterpillar written in REALLY big letters.

[–]brettsmith18 -2 points-1 points ago

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It's The Very Hungry Caterpillar written in REALLY big letters.