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top 200 commentsshow all 426

[–]SergeiGolos 210 points211 points ago

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it would have been better if he was 41... then it would really just be a honest mistake of a dyslexic.

[–]hitlersshit 189 points190 points ago

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Maybe she actually meant to put 04 and she's the pedophile.

[–]Tweed_Jacket 180 points181 points ago

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Directed by M. Night Shyamfjjsnxjsbajlan

[–]RUNxJAKExKILL 8 points9 points ago

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Directed by Punjab Sindeep

[–]Ruzzle 7 points8 points ago

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Plot twist!

[–]hoodatninja 45 points46 points ago

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lysdexic

YFTF

[–]asdfman123 493 points494 points ago

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Not if he says he loves you. Guys in that position only say that if they really mean it.

[–]rib-bit 282 points283 points ago

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especially if he says it right after sex

[–]asdfman123 293 points294 points ago

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Or, more appropriately in this case, says it to encourage you to have sex.

[–]birkoph 156 points157 points ago*

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Bonus points if he owns a van with "candy" written on the side.

Van means he's ready to have kids, and candy because he's a sweet guy.

[–]Pravusmentis 132 points133 points ago

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What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid?

Wanna buy some candy.

[–]I_Have_Candy 74 points75 points ago

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We should talk.

[–]crotchfruit 10 points11 points ago

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Snot flew out of my nose when I read that.

[–]drwormtmbg 15 points16 points ago

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crotchfruit came out of my vagina when I read it.

[–]Psuffix 1 point2 points ago

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[–]GoGoGadge7 3 points4 points ago

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Why am I turned on by that?

Want to grab a cup of coffee?

[–]Leadpipe 1 point2 points ago

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I'd always heard the punchline as "Kid, take it easy on the candy."

[–]brad0022 11 points12 points ago

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That must be how they met.

[–]feureau 24 points25 points ago

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true dat. Also,that's how I met your mother.

[–]BoSoxFan815 22 points23 points ago

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Finally. I've been waiting to find out since September 19, 2005.

[–]AwesomeThunderbolt 1 point2 points ago

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Upbeat as I'm watching HIMYM right now!

[–]atcoyou 9 points10 points ago

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bah-bah bah-bah bah, bah-bah bah bah, bah-bah, da da da da da da da da da-ah

[–]EmoTheripy 3 points4 points ago

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Bonus points if he has a mustache and gets a tatoo of your name.

The tatoo makes him cool and you should introduce him to friends and family. The mustache means he's been interested in you for years before you even knew he existed.

[–]MrBlockOfCheese 7 points8 points ago

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"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

[–]mrsgarrison 1 point2 points ago

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"Have kids" cringe

[–]BroJSimpson 11 points12 points ago

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especially if he says it right BEFORE sex

FTFY

[–]TheBakedPotato 5 points6 points ago

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"It's just part of health class, honey."

[–]usedtowork 2 points3 points ago

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what's wrong with being 14 years old and having a 40 year old dad?

[–]Stregano 10 points11 points ago

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nothing, unless you are dating your dad

[–]KrazyA1pha 5 points6 points ago

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You probably shouldn't be sleeping with your dad.

[–]AssumeTheFetal[!] 357 points358 points ago

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Ok guys its not THAT big of a deal. Backstory: When we first met she told me that she was 19 (you know the chicken has been doing crazy things to girls nowadays) And I was just ABOUT to turn 40. only about 2 decades difference when you think about it (besides, 39 is the new 15). But when I found out she was 14 we were already madly in love. PLUS shes 14 1/2, not 14. As soon as she gets her permit I'm gonna teach her how to drive safely, so Im not that bad of a guy. I'm even going to let her use my car! So its cool now right? Right?

[–]milkycratekid 217 points218 points ago

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totally cool. has she got a younger sister? i'm only 35...

[–]kihadat 122 points123 points ago

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35....ah yes, the new 14.

[–]AskMeAboutMyWiener 48 points49 points ago

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14? Pffft. Try 11.

[–]Essar 58 points59 points ago

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How's your Weiner?

[–]milkycratekid 46 points47 points ago

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Wiener. Fuck I'm only the new 11 and I can copy better than you.

[–]sleepingmartyr 5 points6 points ago

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wiener? i don't even know her!

[–]milkycratekid 11 points12 points ago

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Wiener. Fuck I'm only the new 11 and I can copy better than you.

[–]Essar 5 points6 points ago

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Oh trust me, I saw what it said. What's your point? I wanted to ask about Weiner.

[–]deebeeoh 2 points3 points ago

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Double post better too!

Ninja Edit - I gave you double karma for it :)

[–]egat 23 points24 points ago

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your name wouldn't happen to be Leon would it?

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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Come on man, try to be a little more professional.

[–]philolsophy 1 point2 points ago

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sorry I should probably take my clothes to the cleaner

[–]iamkorean 32 points33 points ago

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Pay for her college education. Then it's all good

[–]IHaveSeenTheSigns 113 points114 points ago*

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Do not do this unless you feel like finding a new woman.

College does truly awful things to perfectly good women.

They learn things which might cause them to question the all-encompassing weltanschauung you've so carefully crafted for them.

Some of them, although this trait is quite rare among women folk in general, will start thinking for themselves.

If you are foolish enough to let your female go to some school of higher learning, and you don't have a local, community college, you have no choice but to prevent her from taking any classes of the following sort:

  • maths
  • sciences
  • the humanities
  • anything with the word "women" in the title (with the possible exception of "Women Writers Obediently Supporting the Patriarchy," the course I teach at True America University).

Pro-tip: If she cuts her hair after starting college, you might as well starting cruising the schools again.

[–]Cuba_Libre_Jr 19 points20 points ago

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TIL the german word Weltanschauung made its way to the english language.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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Well, no.

The word "Worldview", which you'll note has exactly the same meaning and structure (Protip:not a coincidence) however, has.

[–]QFlux 4 points5 points ago

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No it didn't. -_-

[–]oober349 1 point2 points ago

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But all the classes with the word "women" in them are the easiest to pass!

[–]DroppaMaPants 1 point2 points ago

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thinking for THEMSELVES?!! AAAGGHHHH!!!!!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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No joke. My parents have 19 years of an age difference between them and they raised a somewhat normal child. Enjoy it and anyone who says shit can go fuck themselves.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I'm even going to let her use my van!

FTFY

[–]narancs 74 points75 points ago

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Yeah, I mean, what's next? Gay robosexual marriage?

[–]cdigioia 66 points67 points ago

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Marrying your own clone. I'm a huge supporter of gay rights to marry, but 40 years from now I'll be the conservative old guy: "Well, why shouldn't people marry their clone?" "...it just ain't natural!", is all I'll say.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 128 points129 points ago

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I don't know, I'd say you're just full of yourself.

[–]Pravusmentis 11 points12 points ago

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Well maybe after sex

[–]JSsmitty 1 point2 points ago

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This post gave me hopes for humanities future.

[–]MrBlockOfCheese 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote, my friend. I couldn't help but slow clap when I read this.

[–]milkycratekid 18 points19 points ago

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all that and pure narcissism too.

[–]Inductively 8 points9 points ago

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I would say pedophilia, unless your clone was born at the same time as you.

[–]ojiisan 5 points6 points ago

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it's perfectly OK; fun and rewarding even

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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well since an identical twin is a naturally born clone i'd have to say GROSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssss

[–]evenside 8 points9 points ago

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Twincest is win...cest.

[–]TheStatusFoe 5 points6 points ago

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Oh yeah, lesbian clone porn will be amazing. I can't wait

[–]MrDubious 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ChaosDesigned 2 points3 points ago

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WHAT IF... You could take your DNA, and clone yourself, but (Since we're talking advance human genetic manipulation here) you can alter the sex to make it the opposite sex of the parent DNA provider, but the same DNA (pretty much). Would it still be masturbation OR incest? (And accelerated aging, so that they can age to a decent age quickly)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ChaosDesigned 5 points6 points ago

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[–]nurta 3 points4 points ago

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Are you sure you're not a female copy of you?

[–]Brobert_E_Lee 2 points3 points ago

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Ok, so I don't know if anyone's told you this before, but you look kind of like Jim Butcher.

[–]Konet 3 points4 points ago

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Clone, clone of my own, With the Y chromosome changed to an X Oh when I'm all alone just with my little clone We will both think of nothing but sex. -Isaac Asimov

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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yes

[–]2a0c40[!] 1 point2 points ago

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Inhomobation

[–]Cutsprocket 2 points3 points ago

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people have been telling me to go fuck myself for years, ill finally be able to

[–]skippy619 65 points66 points ago

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That dude's gonna have a blast at the next middle school dance.

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 10 points11 points ago

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That too shall pass.

[–]rlbigfish 35 points36 points ago

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That too, Hall Pass.

[–]Spleen_Muncher 3 points4 points ago

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Pancakes.

[–]locotx 1 point2 points ago

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"...today's not your day pancakes ?"

[–]Social_Experiment 1 point2 points ago

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But the Balrog shall not.

[–]rhbast2 6 points7 points ago

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A shotgun blast from her dad.

[–]hipcheck23 24 points25 points ago

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not if he's been in cryo-freeze, waiting for her for 26 years.

[–]molrobocop 8 points9 points ago

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In space, love is infinite.

[–]logicalnoise 4 points5 points ago

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back on earth, it's really tight

[–]Technoslave 4 points5 points ago

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40 / 2 + 7 = 27

27 - 14 = 13

He'd only have to wait half that time ... assuming of course you consider the cryo-freeze to halt his aging and not call him 53 when he got out.

[–]hipcheck23 4 points5 points ago

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uh, she's still jailbait unless he's under 18 in most states (and many countries)

[–]shunt110 18 points19 points ago

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SILENCE. The half, plus seven rule bypasses any of your silly little 'laws'

[–]LarrySDonald 1 point2 points ago

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It think he's been subtracting 7. Last GF he forgot to carry the one so he switched to her once he realized.

[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 75 points76 points ago

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Oh, violentacrez. You and your crazy antics.

[–]autocorrector 36 points37 points ago

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I worry about him sometimes all the time.

[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 34 points35 points ago

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I worry about his victims romantic interests.

[–]greengoddess 26 points27 points ago

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You called?

[–]violentacrez 36 points37 points ago

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Hey, sugarplum.

[–]greengoddess 31 points32 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]violentacrez 18 points19 points ago

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:(

[–]nikipinz 12 points13 points ago

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Ooo, shot down.

[–]violentacrez 36 points37 points ago

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She has a secret place in her heart for me, and I have a secret place in my basement for her.

[–]nikipinz 1 point2 points ago

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Psychopathy just makes everything better, doesn't it? -^

[–]autocorrector 28 points29 points ago

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[–]whitelightbrown 28 points29 points ago

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Chris Hansen unavailable for comment.

[–]govmule84 15 points16 points ago

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Just got off the phone with him. Evidently, they have the chat logs.

[–]whitelightbrown 36 points37 points ago

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Chris Hansen: "What are you here for?"

Man: "Just to mentor."

Chris Hansen pulls out logs: "I want to blank you in your blank-hole. That doesn't sound like mentoring."

[–]govmule84 17 points18 points ago

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"You are free to go."

[–]alettuce 3 points4 points ago

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My favorite part is always the laundry basket.

[–]hodgie 1 point2 points ago

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he is still recovering

[–]litlmutt 4 points5 points ago

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Why does a 14 Y.O have a user name of "KushKrazy"?

[–]JoeMikeGent 23 points24 points ago

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She told me she was 15, this is BS!!

[–]GZAgenius 9 points10 points ago

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She told me she was 14, but I could see it in her eyes that she was really 22

[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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Ben Affleck from Mallrats?

[–]Evilton 37 points38 points ago

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"YOU SPELLED DAD WRONG" I peed a little.

[–]i4ybrid[!] 15 points16 points ago

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Peed a little by accident; time to drink it.

[–]rottenborough 1 point2 points ago

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Stop peeing on the little. It's bad enough that you had sex with her.

[–]Armbyants 4 points5 points ago

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I too thought this was hilarious.

[–]martincles 13 points14 points ago

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Never mind that, what dating site did you meet on? I need the name of it!

[–]fross 10 points11 points ago

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Nice try, FBI agent.

[–]Votskomitt 12 points13 points ago

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Does any of this help explain your username?

[–]flapjackvagina 5 points6 points ago

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What's wrong with that username?

[–]RonaldFuckingPaul 8 points9 points ago

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no

[–]Jarkeler 7 points8 points ago

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.. Unwashed_Vagina?

[–]sumdog 2 points3 points ago

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I've started to pay attention to the usernames more myself too...

[–]gutupio 5 points6 points ago

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I'm guessing she isn't talking about their Serta Sleep Number®.

[–]kez420 2 points3 points ago

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I find this post very fitting as I watched an episode of "To Catch a Predator" last night.

[–]master_baiter 2 points3 points ago

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No, not in Hawaii...

[–]abusementpark 2 points3 points ago

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is it bad that i say obvious bad thing and pretend i don't know?

[–]alewar 2 points3 points ago

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You need to have a little patience, like Denis Kucinich or Hugh Hefner, then it will be ok.

[–]Antonskarp 2 points3 points ago

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Generally speaking, if he won't be in a relationship with you on facebook.. It's bad.

[–]GeorgeForemanGrillz 2 points3 points ago

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Brown chicken brown cow.

[–]chka 17 points18 points ago

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It's funny cause we all want a young girlfriend but society looks down on it so we have to condemn it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago*

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Whenever I see an argument on Reddit about the age of consent, I always get confused... who the hell over the age of 20 wants to date someone in highschool? Talk about the most dramatic and shallow relationship possible. I understand the "principle of the situation," but realistically that just sounds awful.

[–]StochasticOoze 2 points3 points ago

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Nobody said anything about dating...

[–]gigitrix 5 points6 points ago

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14? Erm no. No we don't.

[–]beingblunt 1 point2 points ago

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I agree with the sentiment of this statement. Though some might NOT want such a thing, I think the amount of disgust shown by many is played up to fit in and not be viewed as a freak, especially for the males. There are attractive 14 your olds, there, I said it. Don't agree? I don't think you have been around enough of them or been on the internet long enough. There just isn't some switch that goes off when a person reaches 18 that prevents them from being attracted to young teens from that point on. There is also the possibility that two people that are years apart might just click. I just don't see the harm in it. Sex is a physical/emotional act that lets two people be closer, it doesn't necessarily hurt anyone.

I do think that a bad relationship can harm a person and it may be harder on a younger person, but I don't think it's something that's orders of magnitude worse. I do think it's possible for a person under the AoC and someone over the AoC to have a good relationship. That said, it's hard in a society that looks down on such things with such disdain/hatred.

The question for me really is, why does age matter and how does consensual sex hurt a person? Does it hurt a person to be lied to and taken advantage of? Sure. Is that more of a likelihood in a situation involving people who are quite different age? Well, certainly in this society. No moral person would ever get involved with a younger person if it is illegal, so you will almost never hear about a good guy only wanting to truly love a girl under 18.

I did happen to go out with a 14 year old when I was 17. It turned out that, for most of the year, I would be breaking the law by having a normal sexual relationship with her so we had to quit seeing each other. Was she hurt my the relationship? When it ended, sure, but that's normal. Would it have been soooo different if I was 27? Nope.

tl;dr: I'm a sicko.

[–]lewystud 3 points4 points ago

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by "looks down on it" I assume you mean 'views it as an illegal and heinous crime'

[–]PicklesofTruth 13 points14 points ago

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if there's grass on the field, play ball

[–]meUncensored 25 points26 points ago

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If not, play in the mud!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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*gags

*upvotes

[–]Konet 12 points13 points ago

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Women are like squaring numbers. If they're under 13 just do them in your head

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I'm pretty that at that age, the guy is the "manfriend", not the "boyfriend".

[–]I_tend_to 23 points24 points ago

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You are pretty. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[–]Social_Experiment 11 points12 points ago

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Don't be silly. You're only as young as the women you feel.

[–]alettuce 3 points4 points ago

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I'm pretty you accidentally a word.

[–]hyperrex 3 points4 points ago

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Finally, a reason for you to begin washing your vagina, Unwashed_Vagina

[–]staffell 4 points5 points ago

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Yes, because anonymous questions asked on tumblr are ALWAYS real. This is bullshit.

[–]nlov 6 points7 points ago

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She probably lied about her age.. It's true, girls are developing in funny ways these days..

[–]ChaosDesigned 12 points13 points ago

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I blame the rap music and the MTV.

[–]orange_jooze 3 points4 points ago

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Dem kids and their Pokeman.

[–]ChaosDesigned 5 points6 points ago

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Back in my day it was all about the Jazz! But now you have these kids with their rap music and the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin'

[–]rainman_104 1 point2 points ago

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I recall in junior high where I went there was girls who dated guys quite a bit older than them. (I graduated in 1993). I recall the mullet-topped boyfriends showing up in their Trans-Am's picking up these girls from school. These girls seemed off-limits to many of us guys because we figured they had a certain taste for older cock we couldn't fulfill. Many of these girls were 14 and 15, and some seemed to be dating grown men...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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14 is the new 18.

[–]wolfsktaag 5 points6 points ago

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its just natural, baby

[–]Moustachiod_T-Rex 3 points4 points ago

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No, go back to Tumblr.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Great. Facebook status updates, now this.

[–]purzzzell 3 points4 points ago

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WTF networking site is this from anyway?

[–]validus77 1 point2 points ago

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not if her birthday is on Feb 29th

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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14 yo dude.

[–]another_brick 1 point2 points ago

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Bad for whom?

[–]serrit 1 point2 points ago

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I would like to define "bad" before any further debate.

[–]kbox 1 point2 points ago

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Antigood

[–]scartol 1 point2 points ago

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I'm alarmed that a clandestine group of secret internet hackers (who crashed Bank of America and PayPal) is made up of people who are only 14 years old!

[–]whatisyournamemike 1 point2 points ago

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It depends on which southern state you live in...so I heard. Or does that just apply to relatives?

[–]ps02210 1 point2 points ago

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Oh, you're just jealous....

[–]cuddlypervert 1 point2 points ago

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It is pronounced stepfather (ˈstep-ˌfä-thər), not boyfriend. 14 year old girls always get this mix up.

[–]luckyjinxer 1 point2 points ago

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I believe you misspelled dad

I ROFL'ed. Just a bit.

[–]bioscape 1 point2 points ago

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Well.. when you're 14/(15) and someone tells you they love you, you have to believe them right?

[–]i_strongly_approve 9 points10 points ago

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I don't know what's worse the fact you're quoting Taylor Swift, or the fact that I recognised it.

[–]bioscape 1 point2 points ago

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I hesitated, but it felt appropriate.

[–]Kaneida 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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I thought she was 36!

[–]TheBigMost 1 point2 points ago

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Damn spelling nazis are at it again!

[–]gneissone 1 point2 points ago

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I'm going to be honest here. It's probably on par with cutting open a fresh avocado, only to reveal a sea of brown on the inside. That fucking ruins your day.

[–]uRprobablyagay 1 point2 points ago

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Not for that stud.

[–]dkim1386 4 points5 points ago

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Man, if I was 40 i'd hit dad.

[–]morobishi 5 points6 points ago

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Millions of men rage... cause dey jelly.

thanks for the laugh.

[–]s0nicfreak 3 points4 points ago

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Nothing wrong with that, she fits into the age divided by 7 plus 2 rule.

[–]sgibson12 1 point2 points ago*

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you have the worst screen name of all time. Of ALL TIME!

[–]bag-o-tricks 5 points6 points ago

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The worst thing about a relationship like this (if it is real), besides the social stigma and the obvious pedophilia, is that he would be robbing a child of her youth. I suppose physically, nature says OK but a man and a child is what it boils down to. There can't possibly be any mutual interests that a couple like this share.

[–]rotll 15 points16 points ago

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Technically it's Ephebophilia, since a 14 yr old would most likely be well into puberty. Pedophile is used incorrectly most of the time in the news, it seems.

[–]Bazarov 4 points5 points ago

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There can't possibly be any mutual interests that a couple like this share.

I'm pretty sure /r/gaming proves you wrong on that one.

[–]thealliedhacker 5 points6 points ago

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obvious pedophilia

The whatnow?

This is not pedophilia; you only think that because of the way the media always tries to spin this shit.

[–]ChaosDesigned 1 point2 points ago

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What if he's really immature? Like, plays video games, hangs out at the mall, can't really grow up, like Peter Pan complex.

[–]bsilver 15 points16 points ago

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There are guys who don't do this?

[–]ChaosDesigned 4 points5 points ago

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Haha.

[–]andreasvc 4 points5 points ago

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Then he's obviously got more problems than she can deal with.

[–]ChaosDesigned 1 point2 points ago

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On that note, that sparked a thought. It is socially more acceptable for a man to date a woman who is stupid, attractive, immature, and pretty much lazy, (IE. No Job, no higher education, no future plans other than being supported.) but frowned upon if a male is the same.

[–]explodingzebras 1 point2 points ago

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nice try, zombie Michael Jackson

[–]ChaosDesigned 1 point2 points ago

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Win!

[–]Furbylover 6 points7 points ago

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It is not "wrong" by human standards but it is wrong by society values. Who are we to say what is right and wrong?

[–]Stregano 13 points14 points ago

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Nice Try 40 year old dude who dates 14 year olds

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Its wrong because of the effect is has on the child.

[–]qbslug 1 point2 points ago

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Not sure what you mean by "wrong by human standards". Did you mean it is not biologically wrong?

[–]ISmokeCigars 2 points3 points ago

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A 14 year old is still a child.

[–]RichTea 3 points4 points ago

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She isn't 14, unless she's had a rougher life than Maddy McCann http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/187240_100001030608583_1419191_n.jpg

[–]usiopkgy 1 point2 points ago

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maybe she is maddy

[–]yul_brynner 2 points3 points ago*

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Must have caught some rays in Portugal.

[–]Zoidberg16244 1 point2 points ago

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Just a little illegal

[–]Stingray88 1 point2 points ago

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(40/2) + 7 > 14

Yup

[–]Klink_Dink 1 point2 points ago

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Her dad isn't 40 yet.