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all 34 comments

[–]SamuraiStormtrooper 21 points22 points ago

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Go for Paulina. Peach never puts out.

[–]AlphaRedditor 5 points6 points ago

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Seriously, all you get is cake. Risk life and limb, time and coins, and drag your brother into this shit and all you get is cake? Let her fall.

[–]sp00ked_yuh 1 point2 points ago

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She's just doing it on purpose too, "oh hey i'm going out of town, oh no i've been kidnapped!" This is all in the same letter, premeditated if you ask me.

[–]PabstSmear 1 point2 points ago

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The cake is a lie.

[–]markthegoth 1 point2 points ago

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Don't start that please, portal 2 isn't out yet, lets enjoy our final days where everyone doesn't say the cake is a lie at every single mention of cake, portal or cubes.

[–]sil3ntgh0st 0 points1 point ago

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There is no cake.

[–]klobbermang 2 points3 points ago

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Came here to post the exact same thing. Reddit is like a machine that shows me how unoriginal I am.

[–]CHEEZYSPAM 0 points1 point ago

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wow... I thought I knew everything about Mario, but for some reason I never knew the damsel in distress in DK was named Pauline... I always assumed her name was Daisy from the later sports games. I never played the gameboy games so I missed her introduction. Thanks Wikipedia!

[–]delti90 3 points4 points ago

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Daisy isn't just from the sports games. She was the princess in Super Mario Land. But I think that was her only damsel in distress role.

[–]easlern 0 points1 point ago

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You never actually get to Paulina though- the game bugs out on the kill screen.

[–]markthegoth 0 points1 point ago

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Kill screen coming up

[–]delti90 -1 points0 points ago

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Pauline? I thought it was Daisy :\

[–]liberal_texan 22 points23 points ago

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[–]liveryowl 10 points11 points ago

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got 99 problems and bitches are all of them.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Tiger woods?

[–]mikeytrend 1 point2 points ago

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Ahh! Seriously, I saw their faces and immediately thought, "bitches."

[–]15ferret 0 points1 point ago

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"I got 99 problems, but they all bitches" -cudi

[–]DefaultPlayer 10 points11 points ago

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TIL that Peach wasn't in the original Donkey Kong.

[–]archetypalgrey 3 points4 points ago

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Why choose? From down there he can see up BOTH their dresses.

[–]Countryb0i2m 3 points4 points ago

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fuck em both..

[–]drakeypoo 3 points4 points ago

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DK and Bowser. They're way hotter anyway.

[–]footle 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck Mario. He deserves everything he gets from Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong was Mario's pet; and he mistreated him. Donkey Kong only kidnapped Pauline to teach that animal-abuser a lesson.

[–]Meeruman 2 points3 points ago

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Princess peach is always in another castle. So go for the chick on the left. The one on the right is a fake.

[–]pircio 2 points3 points ago

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Mario's gettin some nice upskirt action he'll probably wait it out a few.

[–]batcountry 1 point2 points ago

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Stay home and masturbate....

also..."go away, batin'"

[–]wtfczar 1 point2 points ago

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save both = threesome

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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He'll go Peach. Mario's been a sucker for blondes ever since the late 80s.

[–]DaedalusJacobson 1 point2 points ago

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You've got Pauline & Peach, but what about Daisy? She was kidnapped by Tatanga, if I recall correctly.

[–]interbutt 3 points4 points ago

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She's been cast as Luigi's girlfriend in game like mario party, mario tennis, mario kart, ect.

[–]enemycrab 1 point2 points ago

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I feel like mario should keep standing there admiring the great upskirt he's getting

[–]AlphaRedditor 1 point2 points ago

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At some point you have to think to yourself, "Why did I choose plumbing school over dentist school?"

[–]Zeuswashere13 0 points1 point ago

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And I have found myself a new lockscreen.

[–]godisbacon 0 points1 point ago

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Definitely Pauline. Peach is just going to get kidnapped again.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Obviously the best choice is to keep standing their looking up both their skirts.

Only after you are done masturbating can you make a rational decision.