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top 200 commentsshow all 379

[–]SigZer0 990 points991 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]tysstang 230 points231 points ago

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Never Forget

[–]cylon_agent 107 points108 points ago

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So say we all

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points ago

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This has happened before, and it will happen again.

Oh shit. That applies to reddit in so many ways.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Nice try, Cylon!

[–]RobotBuddha 9 points10 points ago

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Robots, on the internet? Pft, illogical.

[–]CylonOven 1 point2 points ago

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So say we all.

[–]embrigh 313 points314 points ago

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That brought a tear to my eye.

[–]dik-dik 259 points260 points ago

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mine too, but mostly cause that fucking spider bit it.

[–]RoboCrash 104 points105 points ago

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[–]cole1114 47 points48 points ago

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Wait, you're a rapist?

[–]BucketHelmet 31 points32 points ago

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He just has a rapist's wit.

[–]fuzzygreenslippers 5 points6 points ago

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And the tool kit. It's really just for show, though.

[–]alexandrathegr8tell me how lame my flair is 1 point2 points ago

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He's as sharp as a rapier.

[–]I_DATE_RAPE_CATS 13 points14 points ago

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Technically, no.

[–]moogle516 2 points3 points ago

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I cried till I couldn't cry again .

[–]tnecniv 3 points4 points ago

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That was...touching.

[–]hoboto 113 points114 points ago

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[–]flyinthesoup 17 points18 points ago

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I actually said "awwww" at loud. Upvote.

[–]johndoev2 28 points29 points ago

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I like to imagine that the spider took on 500 roaches at once who were trying to invade the man's home, and died in an epic last stand

[–]Camranauchi 75 points76 points ago

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God, I hope that is a true story

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

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Yes, Camranauchi, there is a Spiderbro.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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Silent Assasin: Not even any collateral damage for the clean up crews to deal with.

[–]Apocalyte 25 points26 points ago

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A promising novelty account. There is a new target in Burma. He's a convicted cat rapist. You must kill him, but it has to look like an accident. When you're done, retrieve his remaining karma from a safe in his bedroom.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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Sounds like a job for an RU-AP mine stuffed in a stray cat. I'll make sure the gas is left on.

[–]I_RAPE_CATS 15 points16 points ago

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I'm on to you.

[–]I_DATE_RAPE_CATS 15 points16 points ago

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Mittens was asking for it. Always so coy and sexy rubbing up against my leg and "cleaning" herself on the kitchen table.

[–]I_RAPE_CATS 5 points6 points ago

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I can't figure out if you rape cats that you go on a date with, or you date rapecats.

[–]I_DATE_RAPE_CATS 12 points13 points ago

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It really depends on my mood. They both have their pros and cons and hell, who am I to judge.

[–]Furfagitron 2 points3 points ago

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I just got it. I read I date rapecats. As in you only date cats that had been raped. But it is really I daterape cats. As in you only daterape cats.

[–]I_DATE_RAPE_CATS 1 point2 points ago

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I certainly do love it when my stupidity turns out to have layered meanings. Hooray, me.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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Why the hell is it a picture of Dean Winchester?

[–]Ostrichman 1 point2 points ago

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I saw that too. Took me back a bit.

[–]tim-the-KABOOM 1 point2 points ago

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The dear ducts he and the crying Indian have are limited to producing only one teardrop at a time which is about 1000x more touching

[–]ResidualDouche 8 points9 points ago

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I want this to be true so bad

[–]Nerethos 2 points3 points ago

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Some might say, he was the best of us.

[–]broden 22 points23 points ago

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This should be top comment. Fake stories are fair game but you've been easily rumbled OP. And most importantly - not as good as the original.

[–]supdog26 28 points29 points ago

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What makes you think the story is fake? Spiders are notoriously good marksmen.

[–]blitzed 22 points23 points ago

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[–]atlanticblue 14 points15 points ago

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everybody gets one... bullet to the head.

[–]blackholedreams 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, and they always lug around an M-95 in case they have to bust a cap in some ass.

[–]mr_jim_lahey 46 points47 points ago

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I like the absurdity of the OP. I was definitely not expecting the spider to have a sniper rifle, but the 4chan story was semi-predictable.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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thats what got me, at first i was like what? when i saw the legs on the face i just started laughing like a hyena mixed with a cackling witch.

[–]datmunchkin 8 points9 points ago

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Fuck you, Lahey!

[–]Foliot 14 points15 points ago

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Shut the fuck up, Lahey.

[–]Geometric_Tiger 10 points11 points ago

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Get out of here you drunk bastard

[–]munchybot 3 points4 points ago

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Poor guy must get "shut the fuck up" replies all the time

[–]mr_jim_lahey 3 points4 points ago

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Yep. At first I was all every time I got one, but now my reaction is just

[–]dik-dik 22 points23 points ago

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This should be top comment.

It is.

[–]SexualHerAssment 1 point2 points ago

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He forever lives in our arachnophilic hearts :'(

[–]HoverJet 1 point2 points ago

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why the hell did that actually make me sad?

[–]TheThrill85 82 points83 points ago

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"Glad I called THAT guy." - Billy Madison

[–]flea_17 13 points14 points ago

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Genius. Please [fix] the comic with a frame of the OP saying that line and Steve Buscemi as the spider.

[–]Pravusmentis 2 points3 points ago

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This movie i just filled with great quotes, I feel like I should watch it now.

'stop staring at me swan!'

[–]Brokenomics 2 points3 points ago

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HE CALLED THE SHIT POOP.

[–]tytotabuki 247 points248 points ago

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Is this based on a true story?

[–]mtree 219 points220 points ago

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i don't know, i think the pictures may be shopped, they look sort pixelated.

[–]Pravusmentis 75 points76 points ago

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enhance

[–]flabbergasted1 109 points110 points ago

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Yeah it's totally shopped, I found a pixel.

[–]YourDad 147 points148 points ago

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That's because you just used 'enlarge', when you really should have used 'enhance'.

[–]Pravusmentis 47 points48 points ago

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Annnd, let the nightmares commence.

[–]darksober 1 point2 points ago

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That only happens if you sleep, Helllooooooo caffeine!

[–]FoxtrotBeta6 8 points9 points ago

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I will name him George, and I will hug him, and pet him...

[–]MarcusAurellius 1 point2 points ago

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What a friendly sniping spider.

[–]Doctor_Beard 1 point2 points ago

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Dad?

[–]LOL_Dat_Photoshop 1 point2 points ago

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All jokes aside I can confirm that this is indeed a true story through photographic evidence. Don't ask me how I got it, the reality of everything I went through to obtain this photograph is simply staggering.

[–]chizzle 13 points14 points ago

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Fuck..do you have to be that guy..

[–]wkb 15 points16 points ago

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I'm almost done with my GUI interface.

[–]4luoro4 13 points14 points ago

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Can you track their IP address?

[–]griffiw 13 points14 points ago

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Only if his GUI interface is written in Visual Basic.

[–]TehInterwebs 12 points13 points ago

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backtrace.vb

[–]RESET-REWIND 12 points13 points ago

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I think he just forgot the 'True Story' tag.

[–]SirPrize 28 points29 points ago

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Of course

Why would someone lie on the internet?

[–]secondpolarbody 11 points12 points ago

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ya seriously redditors are so damned cynical all the time

[–]SnakeEart 7 points8 points ago

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This actually happened to me once.

[–]TehInterwebs 2 points3 points ago

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Of course. That's what the movie trailer said.

[–]Tatterdemallion 293 points294 points ago

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Bill to clean up blood spatter, brain matter, and body removal: $2000

New window: $75

New pair of jeans: $12

Having a friend who is a spider and a sniper: Priceless

[–]DoubleBlindStudy 324 points325 points ago*

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Doesn't your* homeowners cover that? ///ಠಠಠಠ_ಠಠಠಠ/\

Edit: Spiders can't spell.

[–]Travis-Touchdown"Save Us" 114 points115 points ago

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Spider of disapproval may be my favorite thing ever.

[–]Tatterdemallion 23 points24 points ago

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Only if their sniper pulls the trigger. That's what you get for not reading the fine print.

[–]DoubleBlindStudy 33 points34 points ago

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Let's see how the fine print stacks up against a .50 caliber at 300 meters ///ಠಠಠಠ_ಠಠಠಠ/\

[–]Tatterdemallion 6 points7 points ago

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Make sure you get their sniper first.

[–]DoubleBlindStudy 27 points28 points ago*

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Wait they have a... \/\xxxx_xxxx//

[–]Tatterdemallion 9 points10 points ago

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- gasp They- they got me. Tell my wife- tell my wife that I- I love her. Dies

[–]DoubleBlindStudy 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Tatterdemallion 21 points22 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Nyquil_Coolatta 3 points4 points ago

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You will be avenged.

[–]Ridesabike 17 points18 points ago

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If you're paying $2000 for a body removal you're being ripped off.

My man Tyrone will do it for 20 bucks.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Tatterdemallion 15 points16 points ago

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Okay, okay, you got me. Goodwill: $6

[–]aclem14 43 points44 points ago

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A spiper!

[–]megadesk 20 points21 points ago

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Snider

[–]bautron 17 points18 points ago

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Spniper.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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This isn't working.

[–]metalchem 7 points8 points ago

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SHUT IT DOWN

[–]iamthesnidepiper 5 points6 points ago

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"pipe-snipper foxtrot to pine-spinner bravo. tango spotted... on my mark" 'octofocal alignment primed, sir'

[–]bautron 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah, the words are teasing us with their similarity, knowing that a good pun can't be formed by the union of the both, sniper and spider continue to provoke us.

[–]Clarkek 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit it's like you're in my fucking head.

[–]formlex7likes to steal names 5 points6 points ago

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Schneider?

[–]thedrizzle43 9 points10 points ago

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I only wear Dry Denim jeans bro so that will be $100

[–]Tatterdemallion 8 points9 points ago

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Oh, that's cool. I guess I'll just be over here spending the 94 dollars I just saved on WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. It will probably be food.

[–]Liberalguy123 2 points3 points ago

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APC for life.

[–]spicymeataballa 1 point2 points ago

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What about the mess all over the floor?

[–]vaskemaskine 27 points28 points ago

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Was expecting Spiderman in the last panel...

[–]jettrscga 31 points32 points ago

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[–]xSwiZZChEEzx 24 points25 points ago

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Yeah, thumds scare the shit out of me.

[–]ArchAuthor 46 points47 points ago

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Spiderbros.

[–]GrapeJuicePlus 21 points22 points ago

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steve buscemi in billy madison

[–]Bobfress 41 points42 points ago

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A watchful protector, a spooky guardian

[–]EffortlessGenius 42 points43 points ago

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...The Dark Fright

[–]unknownpoltroon 33 points34 points ago

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Sir or madam, that is the first thing that has made me actually laugh outloud in weeks.

[–]Thejointaccount[S] 38 points39 points ago

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I'm glad I could positively affect your life

[–]klparrot 33 points34 points ago

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It's the face in the last panel that garnered my upvote.

[–]ferallife 5 points6 points ago

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It was the in the third panel that did it for me.

[–]alextonne 8 points9 points ago

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i think this is funny as hell but what does, "today you, tomorrow me" mean?

[–]Xitras 22 points23 points ago

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[–]edubation 1 point2 points ago

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There's no spider snipers there.

[–]trollinDC 14 points15 points ago

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everybody gets one

[–]Bones_17 1 point2 points ago

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Tell 'em, Peter.

[–]redditforgotmeagain 11 points12 points ago

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"Glad I called that guy..."

[–]Subjective 5 points6 points ago

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I thought the table legs were your legs and the laptop was a penis :\

[–]basilect 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Y_Ampersand 9 points10 points ago*

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This is my favorite type of rage comic. Awesomeness. ALWP

[–]SecretJedi 4 points5 points ago

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just browsing reddit not doing anything special

...everyday on reddit is special

[–]atlanticblue 3 points4 points ago

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tonight... you

[–]intensenerd 1 point2 points ago

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"Boy am I glad I called that guy!"

[–]nemoomen 4 points5 points ago

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[True story]

[–]drolltroll 3 points4 points ago

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Happened to a friend of a friend.

[–]n1njapanda 2 points3 points ago

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I spared a spider's life last night. It's good to know I have someone looking out for me.

[–]snooprob 2 points3 points ago

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Everybody gets one.

[–]dave256hali 2 points3 points ago

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The reminds me Steve Buscemi on Billy Madison...

[–]chazferrari 2 points3 points ago

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DAE mistake his computer for his dick in that first frame?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Every time I see "today you, tomorrow me" I suddenly get Rent stuck in my head

[–]Shadowkit 2 points3 points ago

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So I'm not the only one...

[–]montrevux 2 points3 points ago

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This begs the question of why the spider was sitting outside your window and watching you with a sniper rifle in hand.

[–]Messrsmoony 11 points12 points ago

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[TRUE STORY] [JUST HAPPENED] [FIRST POST]

[–]Redcorns 4 points5 points ago

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You missed the frame where the spider reclines in his apartment, applying lipstick.

[–]Todo88 5 points6 points ago

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[–]ePrime 3 points4 points ago

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Nicely done sir.

[–]Aruvax 1 point2 points ago

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SPIDER BRO!

[–]johnq-pubic 1 point2 points ago

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Nice try SPIDER surfing the internet.

[–]Ampatent 1 point2 points ago

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The "d" and "p" keys aren't even close to each other...

ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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fucking brilliant. I laughed out loud.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You forgot the frame where the spider sucks all of the insides out of the burglar.

[–]SoyFood 1 point2 points ago

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you only get one

[–]eien_geL 1 point2 points ago

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Reddit should have a theme to cure people from arachnophobia.

[–]Atheizt 1 point2 points ago

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Everybody gets one.

[–]omgdonerkebab 1 point2 points ago

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So the spider was like Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison?

[–]superlack 1 point2 points ago

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I'm overcome with sorrow and guilt reading this because I killed a spider 20 minutes ago. It was the good kind of spider.

[–]souldonkey 1 point2 points ago

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I've never wished for a [True story] tag more in my life.

[–]briantehpirate 1 point2 points ago

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All I can think of is the scene with Steve Buscemi from Billy Madison where he saves him.

[–]GrowingSoul 1 point2 points ago

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Holy crap I wish this was real.

[–]verymuchn0 1 point2 points ago

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That's a really heartfelt sto- OH GOD SPIDERS

//(';..;')//\

[–]Pac0_Seiei 1 point2 points ago

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[–]ACE_C0ND0R 1 point2 points ago

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Boy, am I glad I called that guy.

[–]EpicRageGuy 1 point2 points ago

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That's adorable, I never kill spiders either.

[–]roninzzz 1 point2 points ago

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this is rly great, thanks for almost curing my arachnophobia

[–]Hawkman10016 1 point2 points ago

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This reminds me of Billy Madison when Steve Buscemi saved the day at the end.

[–]maxburg 1 point2 points ago

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boy am i glad i called THAT guy.

[–]whitmell 1 point2 points ago

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Maaan, I'm glad I called THAT guy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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on the upboat for spider sniper

[–]kwago 1 point2 points ago

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tonight this comic encouraged me to stop someone from killing a crab spider. i stepped in, tissue in hand and took it outside.

[–]Torbolt 1 point2 points ago

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Everybody gets one

[–]danhxcore 8 points9 points ago

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Runs to the nearest pet store to buy a spider

Runs to nearest gun store to purchase a sniper gun

Runs to the nearest police department to bail out a thief and order to rob my house

Re-enact

-Fail... Hey man what the fuck. Now I'm out $5000 and that scumbag steve stole my iPod, what gives?

[–]Aww_Shucks 11 points12 points ago

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Whoa danhxcore, look down the street!

sees running thief collapse all the sudden

danhxcore and Aww_Shucks run over

both examine small spider bite on thief's nose

[–]danhxcore 6 points7 points ago

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"Whoa thanks Aww_Shucks for bringing that to my attention... hey wait a minute do you have my iPod?"

Aww_Shucks says he does not

Looks down the street to see the spider running away with my iPod

[–]Aww_Shucks 3 points4 points ago

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"danhxcore! Where's that sniper?!"

[–]danhxcore 1 point2 points ago

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Hands Aww_shucks sniper rifle

PING-miss

PING-miss

Aww_Shucks says it's his last bullet

PING-DEAD ON!

"Hey man great shot, I can't believe you got him, now I can finally listen to Friday and know what day of the week it is"

[–]Aww_Shucks 2 points3 points ago

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[–]danhxcore 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Zeppelanoid 1 point2 points ago

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...AAAAAAAAAAnd scene.

[–]JaymesJB 1 point2 points ago

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CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT! I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "All the world's a stage, and you are crap!"

[–]Zeppelanoid 1 point2 points ago

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No, that was Rush.

[–]QueenNavy 1 point2 points ago

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this is true. i should know because i am the spider.

[–]halomomma 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Satros 1 point2 points ago

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[True Story]

[–]Indiv0 2 points3 points ago

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[True Story]

[–]puppy22 2 points3 points ago

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[True Story]

[–]TuriGuiliano 0 points1 point ago

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Great job on the Black MS paint. Upvote

[–]lolragerf7u12 0 points1 point ago

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HAHAHA! This is awesome! Thanks for making my day...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You my friend, are awesome. That was great

[–]FukkenMelvin 0 points1 point ago

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[–]guthcomp 0 points1 point ago

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Very similar to the plot of the movie Ghost Dog.

[–]BirdsTheWurd 0 points1 point ago

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Sappy, Sappy love story.

[–]rdssassin 0 points1 point ago

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All this needs is a [True Story] tag.

[–]Aero93 0 points1 point ago

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Fucking hirrarious

[–]KevRose 0 points1 point ago

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All the time!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I HEARD A THUMD.

[–]poopyonyobumski 0 points1 point ago

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true story?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Ahaha nice comic

[–]smapte 0 points1 point ago

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this was a true story, right?

[–]joot78 0 points1 point ago

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I must have an army of karma spiders. Now I understand why I see so many green eyes.

[–]Seiesnalli 0 points1 point ago

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This just perpetuates the false idea that spiders are respectable creatures.

[–]chizzle 0 points1 point ago

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That's a cool fucking spider.

[–]tmorel 0 points1 point ago

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much love to spiderbro...

[–]bunnygurl 0 points1 point ago

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Spider kill other insects. They are good to have around the house.... unless it's like a massive infestation or something....

[–]sambadpasmal 0 points1 point ago

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life's karma

[–]dead_ohio_sky 0 points1 point ago

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Nice try spider... You know we are all going to stomp you out regardless.

[–]bamcanfly 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of that scene in kick ass

[–]Galnik 0 points1 point ago

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Epic