Michael Caine - Roight, so dis family o' circus performers walk into a talent agent's and say 'Listen up, 'ave we got an act for you' and the agent goes 'I don't usually do these family types'. The mum begs 'just give us a go, please' and the agent says, 'ok, you've got 2 minutes.' The mum grins and points to the son, who hits play on a boombox. Thrilling circus music starts to play as the dad spins his brick and mortar around, bends her over, lifts up her skirts and starts licking her Morris Minor.

Liam Neeson - What..

Michael Caine - Den the boy lays down on the floor and opens his north and south, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and takes a two bob bit all over him.

Morgan Freeman - I don't think...

Michael Caine - 'old on, 'old on. The ol' man den grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his blackpool rock, roight? While the lad, still with his mum's english lit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little niagra falls.

Morgan Freeman - Ok, come on now...

Michael Caine - 'old on, Morgan. Now the mum lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts taking a hit and miss all over. Then the dad and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's morris minor, while the daughter's gypsy kiss rains down on all of them.

Liam Neeson - I think I'm going to be sick

Michael Caine - Dey get the- 'old on, Liam. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are stickin' out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's top ten hit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his Ayers rock in the baby's jam roll and shags it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the boy and the girl.

Morgan Freeman - That poor family...

Michael Caine - Morgan, please! Den the dad gets up and says, 'and now, 'eres my impression Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson and Miachel Caine telling jokes in a bar' and then he performs a very passable impression, and the talent man says..'bloody hell, that's a hell of an act. What do you call it?' And the father says, 'the Aristocrats!'