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top 200 commentsshow all 247

[–]texticles 200 points201 points ago

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5) You believe in Santa.

[–]Flyingbuffaloman 50 points51 points ago

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:(

[–]Undergroundpyro 30 points31 points ago

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Dark. I laughed.

[–]allidoislietoyou 22 points23 points ago

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If you know the history of Santa, then you would only believe that he exists. On December 25, 1923, a Chinese village by the name of Xiandizou had the greatest Christmas of all time. Every house in the village had toys underneath every tree and there was no explanation. Not only were all of their doors locked, but the people were too poor to get those gifts for their kids. There were 2 photos taken that night of a mysterious figure wearing a red suit. The only explanation is that there was a Santa. Google "Xiandizou Santa" and decide for yourself.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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"We will not go quietly into the night WE WILL REMEMBER THIS DAY AS OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!" Homer Simpson

[–]CharonIDRONES 1 point2 points ago

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Every time you get me :P

[–]Makkyo 0 points1 point ago

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downvoted, but then upvoted for username

[–]FlyingSpaghettiMan 8 points9 points ago

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YOU?! AGAIN!? I BELIEVE I TOLD YOU, HERETIC SCUM, TO NOT SHOW YOUR FACE!

[–]Magnora 3 points4 points ago

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6) You take a ride in the big reindeer sleigh to the sky

[–]joanofarcade 3 points4 points ago

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7) you meet santa

[–]yarnto 1 point2 points ago

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5) You have no fucking clue who Santa is.

FTFY

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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5) you cease to exist like santa

[–]wildnaresh 0 points1 point ago*

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explain please

edit: "Explain the Joke Please"

thanks DiggerW and baumkramer.

[–]DiggerW 16 points17 points ago

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senility.

[–]neuroghost 4 points5 points ago

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Explain what?

[–]callmesurely 0 points1 point ago

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I took it as believing in Santa as a symbol. The mere idea of Santa inspires generosity and kindness, causing people around the world to undertake the joy-spreading responsibilities of Santa and, in a way, to collectively become Santa, as indicated in step three in the picture. Santa is a fictional person but a real concept with a real impact on the world, and that's not even considering the actual person St. Nicholas.

Of course, pessimistic interpretations tend to be funnier.

[–]VirgilCaine 0 points1 point ago

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Explain what?

[–]myoidenramre 0 points1 point ago

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[–]baumkramer 9 points10 points ago

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I think the joke is about senility.

[–]myoidenramre -1 points0 points ago

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I was joking too :)

[–]baumkramer 4 points5 points ago

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I was joking about thinking you weren't joking.

[–]myoidenramre 6 points7 points ago

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We have to joke deeper.

[–]ontopic 9 points10 points ago

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L O W H A N G I N G F R U I T

[–]myoidenramre 2 points3 points ago

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explain please

[–]nopokejoke 0 points1 point ago

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6) You're as real as Santa.

[–]bkoatz 0 points1 point ago

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I'm Jewish ....

:(

[–]joekunin 25 points26 points ago

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Wait... is that Mr. Gibbons, from Taft HS?

[–]smollaei[S] 15 points16 points ago

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yess

[–]decaf23 2 points3 points ago

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Apparently, he's a really cool teacher.

[–]screamingtree 8 points9 points ago

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Why does everyone from this highschool know about reddit?

[–]Prius 5 points6 points ago

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More importantly, why does everyone else from reddit know about this high school?

[–]NINJADOG 7 points8 points ago

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I had Mr. Gibbons in 05!

[–]joekunin 4 points5 points ago

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Me too! Which class?

[–]NINJADOG 0 points1 point ago

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AP Government. You?

[–]joekunin 0 points1 point ago

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Me too..Period 6 (if I recall correctly)?

[–]NINJADOG 0 points1 point ago

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It would be a different class. I only had four classes senior year, so no period 6. I believe I had the class second period.

[–]joekunin 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, close.

[–]brutaldrums420 5 points6 points ago

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me too!!!

[–]Ryz0n 22 points23 points ago

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Whaaat Mr. Gibbons?!?!This was my AP Gov teacher. Taft is on Reddit.

[–]annas789 7 points8 points ago

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haha yesssss

[–]christinaaa 3 points4 points ago

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did you guys take spanish with Serfaty? remember that substitute teacher she had that really DID look like Santa? but he was kinda mean.

[–]Miserlou57 3 points4 points ago

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A nice lady if she liked you, but if she didn't (like me)... may God have mercy. Plus she barked sometimes.

[–]NINJADOG 2 points3 points ago

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I had Serfaty!

[–]brutaldrums420 5 points6 points ago

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yo tambien!!!

[–]christinaaa 1 point2 points ago

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Ahh I miss her and stories of Mr. Cat. I remember being really sad when she left in the middle of the school year with no warning. My spanish skills went completely downhill after that.

[–]NINJADOG 1 point2 points ago

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Ya that lady was crazy. I like how she decided she was Argentinian (she was not) and we would all have to learn Spanish with an Argentinian accent. Jokes aside, I learned a lot in that class if only because she refused to speak a word of English.

[–]joekunin 4 points5 points ago

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Getting crazy Taft flashbacks now..What year? I had him for AP Gov as well.

[–]Ryz0n 1 point2 points ago

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'07

[–]joekunin 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, close. '05 here.

[–]jabb0 81 points82 points ago

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Stage 3 has been initiated for Jabb0

[–]Snow88 19 points20 points ago

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Congrats!

[–]C0debreak 7 points8 points ago

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Congratulations!

[–]actuallytwollamas 515 points516 points ago

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I need to buy this for my dad; he looks just like Santa. Anybody know where I can get this shirt?

[–]sleepingmartyr 185 points186 points ago

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oh you fucking...AARGH.

[–]ajd3886 36 points37 points ago

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It probably doesn't make you feel any better, but I didn't fall for it thanks to your comment. First time too.

[–]ThisIsYourPenis 5 points6 points ago

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oh shit, i have found the meaning of my life

[–]Urusai89 39 points40 points ago

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lol I fell for it. I'm like "hey I've seen these llamas before", then I checked the name.

[–]goodnewsjimdotcom 13 points14 points ago

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These are not the llamas you're looking for.

[–]kagneokami 0 points1 point ago

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[–]OleSlappy 20 points21 points ago

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Bu-But which one is your dad?

[–]OMGASQUIRREL 60 points61 points ago

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EVERY GODDAMN TIME.

I love you and hate you for being so awesome and cruel.

[–]Robertjordanforever 14 points15 points ago

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You magnificent bastard!

[–]GreenEggsAndBacon 25 points26 points ago

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I am laughing my ass off.

A+++++++ Would be trolled by again.

[–]Deep-Thought 12 points13 points ago

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every time!

[–]crime_and_oats 14 points15 points ago

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I'm mad but smiling at the SAME TIME.

[–]SmoothWD40 6 points7 points ago

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I too am experiencing this paradox.

[–]CaptLudwig 7 points8 points ago

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You have convinced me to tag you; NEVER AGAIN!

[–]JawsIsReal 20 points21 points ago

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Llama roll'd

[–]Jahonay 11 points12 points ago

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Alpaca roll'd

[–]binary 34 points35 points ago

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This is the best novelty account ever

[–]IThinkYouMeanAlpacas 4 points5 points ago

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[–]johnq-pubic 3 points4 points ago

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Do I have to check a goddam user name every time, before I click on a link? Upvote anyway.

[–]sgt_shizzles 4 points5 points ago

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This is exactly what you should be doing.

[–]dont-click-here 4 points5 points ago

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Wow I really need to start reading account names before I go and read their comments.

[–]Mysteryman64 1 point2 points ago

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I'm gonna award you the Title of new Nonsensical Analogy. You breed the same sort of reactions that he did.

[–]razzark666 1 point2 points ago

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Usually I add these novelty accounts to my friend list, but I enjoy being tricked by you so much that I refuse too...

[–]abbiistabbii 0 points1 point ago

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My dad actually looks like Santa AND plays Santa at the local library every christmas. For reals

[–]snappyshrimpboat 0 points1 point ago

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OMG YOU FUCKER

[–]GeminiCroquette 0 points1 point ago

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F7U12!

[–]tokeyoh 57 points58 points ago

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5) if you are asian you can never look like santa.

[–]Ffamran 6 points7 points ago

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Does this mean there are no mall Santas in Asia? T-T

[–]tmantran 22 points23 points ago

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[–]coolstorybroham 5 points6 points ago*

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Four Stages of Life for White Males

FTFH

Edit: changed people to males; added this note.

[–]SpaceWorld 1 point2 points ago

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...but when did you write, "added this note?"

[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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My irish friend will never grow more than some scraggily neck beard, but maybe it will be a new santa, of the future, who brings death.

[–]RainOnYourParade 6 points7 points ago

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There already is a santa of the future. Got the death thing covered too.

[–]broden 6 points7 points ago

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Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!

[–]aceysmith 11 points12 points ago

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I have a similar theory about Macaroni and Cheese. As a baby it's one of the few solid foods you can eat, you grow up as a child wanting to eat it all of the time, then when you are in college it is one of the few foods you can afford, when you become a parent you eat it again with your kids, and when you become old and don't have teeth (but can still hopefully stand dairy) you eat some more. But the Santa thing is much more concise =)

[–]Baaz 3 points4 points ago

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the single stage of life:

  1. you eat macaroni and cheese

[–]christinaaa 10 points11 points ago

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mr. gibbons!!!! i always did think he kinda looked like santa haha. and he always had the jolly personality to match. definitely one of my favorite high school teachers. this is great!

[–]joekunin 2 points3 points ago

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His 'Nam stories after the AP test were gold.

[–]christinaaa 1 point2 points ago

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I also had him for Life Skills. It was my first class at Taft (I took it during summer school before freshman year). It was also one of the best. He knew it was a pointless class, so all he did was tell us stories about 'Nam. It was awesome.

[–]joekunin 1 point2 points ago

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He really was great. What year did you finish? '05 here

[–]christinaaa 1 point2 points ago

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I was pretty lucky to have him for a teacher twice. I graduated in '07.

[–]partdinosaur 6 points7 points ago

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Taft is on Reddit!

[–]officerbigmac 7 points8 points ago

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mirror? got error 404

[–]boroksmash 7 points8 points ago

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This is Mr Gibbons, a high school government teacher, Viet Nam vet, and extraordinarily personable man. Every year he dresses up as santa claus and leads a group of students to a local elementary school where they deliver donated toys to less fortunate children who would otherwise have none. As you would expect, children accept this man as santa claus without any doubt. His stories of their reactions are incredible.

[–]smollaei[S] 2 points3 points ago

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amazing guy. amazing inspiration.

[–]joekunin 1 point2 points ago

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The man was an incredible story teller. His tales of Vietnam after the AP test had passed were captivating.

[–]stackered 9 points10 points ago

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gotta remember to facebook status this shit for Likes (facebook karma) around Christmas time

[–]Methionine 11 points12 points ago

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Ah Facebook karma, the validation for my existence for my acquaintances and friends.

[–]Burbl3s 16 points17 points ago

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5) You are then loved by everyone.

[–]hitlersshit 9 points10 points ago

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Everyone loves when you're dead?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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Yes. Unless you're Hitler.

[–]Lockski 5 points6 points ago

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I love Hitler. Then again, I guess I have to love my great grandfather.

[–]BlameArticuno 4 points5 points ago

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Dad?

[–]SonicSam 4 points5 points ago

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Son?

[–]HuruHara 6 points7 points ago

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Paw Paw ‽

[–]Lockski 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, my son?

[–]LET-7 0 points1 point ago

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YOU HAVE ANOTHER FAMILY?! That's it Lockski. I'm leaving you for good this time. And I'm taking the kids with me. And my half of the gold.

[–]Lockski 0 points1 point ago

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LET-7? What are you doing here? I've never met this kid in my life! WAIT UP, BABY!

[–]hitlersshit 0 points1 point ago

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It should be especially if you're Hitler.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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5) You think you're Santa

[–]cachexia 2 points3 points ago

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I thought the four stage of life were: Tri-weekly. Try weekly. Try weakly. Try.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I'm so jealous of old man beards...

[–]BannedINDC 1 point2 points ago

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I'm jealous of any beards. Mine comes in patchy.

[–]burritocmdr 2 points3 points ago

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But it's great for the homeless man look. So you got that going for you.

[–]BenCelotil 0 points1 point ago

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Be even more jealous of this old man - beard, fashionable hat, and a cape.

I spotted this post earlier and wished I could grow a beard worth a damn.

[–]wild9 1 point2 points ago

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I had this shirt when I was in middle school! I had to duct tape step 3 so the younger kids didn't get upset!

[–]Recamen 0 points1 point ago

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Same here, except switch middle school with undergrad college and take out the duct tape part. I think I still have that shirt, actually. That, or it got one too many holes in it and now it's sitting under the sink to be used as a rag someday.

[–]mesamunefire 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone else going to be bothered wondering what 4 articles are for extra credit?

[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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Man I really wish there was some witty comment I could make about this post which is sure to hit the front page.

[–]Geno098 1 point2 points ago

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Tim Allen knows this better than anyone.

[–]uhohhippos 1 point2 points ago

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I wish there was a female equivalent.

[–]incredibleting 1 point2 points ago

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Is that Gibbons?

[–]mcereal 1 point2 points ago

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tinypic = downvote

Sorry :(

[–]Miserlou57 1 point2 points ago*

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William Howard Taft High, 1st period AP Gov, 2005-2006... Epic Vietnam stories, epic coordinated cheating, and epic not giving a fuck

[–]ljokerl 0 points1 point ago

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amen.

[–]awesomedan24 5 points6 points ago

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Stage 5) You break into peoples houses and eat their cookies / judge their children.

[–]jasmaree 7 points8 points ago

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And if they wake up, you put pepper in their eyes. (Was anyone else told that this is what Santa does when you wake up? I was afraid of Santa when I was little.)

[–]MutatedGamer 20 points21 points ago

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Your parents are dicks.

[–]jasmaree 4 points5 points ago

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:(

[–]cjzoom 3 points4 points ago

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Judging by the white board behind this guy, I'm guessing he's a teacher. Why didn't I ever get funny teachers?

[–]tom93285 2 points3 points ago

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I currently have 2 teachers that look like santa and one that I am convinced is santa.

[–]munchybot 2 points3 points ago

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Looks like your entry into stage 2 is long overdue...

[–]wRolf 3 points4 points ago

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It should say "Four Stages of Life for White Men"

[–]SpaceWorld 6 points7 points ago

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I agree, OP should have tagged this NSFBK, Not Safe for Buzz Kills.

I kid, I kid.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Why do people always say "I kid" twice in a row? It's weird, it's weird.

[–]overthemountain 2 points3 points ago

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I'm not sure if this is the original source, but Triumph the Insult Comic Dog always said it like this. Or more accurately - "I keed, I keed!"

[–]renegade7879 1 point2 points ago

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You got something against Black Santa?

[–]The_Free_Man 3 points4 points ago

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It should say "Four Stages of Life for White Men Who Believed in Santa, Will Have Kids and Will Gain Weight When Older".

[–]biglazymoose 0 points1 point ago

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simple and makes sense. Awesome shirt!

[–]pinkmug 0 points1 point ago

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what a nice looking santa

[–]Psico1 0 points1 point ago

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I require a 2.5 option.

[–]burf 0 points1 point ago

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How dare he mock the childless!

[–]lleeeeeoo 0 points1 point ago

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Around 6 years ago my middle school teacher told us the same joke. He a was part veteran part bad ass substitute teacher who loved his job.

[–]michaelrohansmith 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah about 40 years ago when I was at primary school the school gardener filled in for an hour when a teacher was away for some reason. He taught us how to say thirty days hath september, april, june and november and so on, as well as other useful stuff which many of us are probably using every day even now.

[–]droden 0 points1 point ago

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am i being trolled?
shouldn't 3 and 4 be swapped?

[–]420boy 4 points5 points ago

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i was confused at first too, but i think 3 implies, "you are now an adult with children, and you dress up as and pretend to be santa every christmastime."

[–]tmantran 1 point2 points ago

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You are Santa = you buy presents for your kids

[–]Pravusmentis 0 points1 point ago

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What kind of teacher is he?

[–]uptwo 0 points1 point ago

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He looks like my high school history teacher. I'm about 80% positive. Op?

[–]joekunin 1 point2 points ago

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Mine too! Mr. Gibbons?

[–]smollaei[S] 0 points1 point ago

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yess you got it right ;)

[–]joekunin 0 points1 point ago

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Knew it! What year did you graduate?

[–]spike312 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, the old tshirt I saw in a catalog when I was 12.

[–]TXStateofMind 0 points1 point ago

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Where is this picture from? It looks exactly like a teacher from my HS

[–]joekunin 0 points1 point ago

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Mine too...Mr. Gibbons?

[–]Dse2012 0 points1 point ago

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Step 5) PROFIT $$$

[–]prmaster23 0 points1 point ago

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This reminds me of the 3 rings of marriage.

The engagement ring, The wedding ring and the suffering.

[–]Diet_Salt 0 points1 point ago

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My expectations for the day have just been met in about three seconds.

[–]ctskifreak 0 points1 point ago

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What if you aren't a male?

shrudder

[–]incoherant_reply 0 points1 point ago

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I believed in santa and then I ate a tooth because it was covered in delicious marmalade.

[–]MananWho 0 points1 point ago

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Tim Allen?

[–]sorrynametaken 0 points1 point ago

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Hahah so lame but still funny/true.

[–]kristianur 0 points1 point ago

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If your're lucky, you'll still have a smile on your face when you reach the fourth stage.

[–]javardo 0 points1 point ago

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I want to adopt him as my grandfather.

[–]Reflectionification 0 points1 point ago

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Four stages of breeders (for those of us not going there).

[–]bulletzing 0 points1 point ago

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Unless you're Asian then the 4th part doesn't count.

[–]lex99 0 points1 point ago

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tf2 font

(or close facsimile)

[–]Cheiftrain 0 points1 point ago

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My mind is blown

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Before he lost a load of weight, my dad used to give little kids santa sightings. It was really cute, and he always played along.

[–]mattboch 0 points1 point ago

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Yep my grandma looks like Santa

[–]xzorrox 0 points1 point ago

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BRILLIANT!

[–]chiggers 0 points1 point ago

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I have this shirt. My wife got it for me at Goodwill 3 years ago. I'm currently in stage 3.

[–]kidnotcool 0 points1 point ago

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OH HAI DAD

[–]lionelboydjohnson 0 points1 point ago

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Holly crap, so much depth.

[–]brutaldrums420 0 points1 point ago

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Holy Shit its Mr. Gibbons!!! Awesome teacher

[–]joekunin 0 points1 point ago

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Given the name, I think I may well be able to figure out who you are ;)

[–]straightuppro 0 points1 point ago

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haha great!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I saw a shirt like this at a store once and got in a ton of trouble with my beard-wearing, potbellied boyfriend for telling him he had jumped to stage four.

[–]vidyesh 0 points1 point ago

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5.) You meet Santa ;)

[–]PainusBrainus 0 points1 point ago

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Sounds like a bad Tim Allen movie.

[–]Big_Brain 0 points1 point ago

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Stage #2 achieved!

[–]Ishkabo 0 points1 point ago

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You kidding me? This pic just took me back to #1.

[–]chka 0 points1 point ago

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3) You pretend to be Santa

4) You are Santa

[–]WillyWillyP 0 points1 point ago

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my dad is 49 today, just posted this on his wall...didn't go down well...especially when i reminded him it's the big 5-0 next year.

[–]michaelochurch 0 points1 point ago

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Interesting bit of trivia: "natural" Santas (i.e. older men who have naturally appropriate beards) can command more than $100 per hour for a variety of engagements. They are just not very common. The work is highly seasonal, obviously, but there are a few retired men who supplement their income this way.

[–]jimmytruelove 0 points1 point ago

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tinypic

FUUUUUUUUUUUU

[–]Hasselbalch 0 points1 point ago

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I am 19 year of age and I'm only missing stage 4.

I suddenly feel old.

[–]strife25 0 points1 point ago

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Back in 2008, This American Life had an epic episode about two factions of Santas that had a major power struggle in their organized group. Well worth the listen. (Starts at 27 minutes)

[–]fmpeakbag 0 points1 point ago

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I have this shirt, but had to stop wearing it once my daughter could read.

[–]gingerbear 0 points1 point ago

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swap 3 and 4

[–]BassIck 0 points1 point ago

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I'm 8 isn't there a Santa?

[–]virendervk85 0 points1 point ago

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So true! i still believe in santa ..

[–]hiphophippopotamus 0 points1 point ago

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1st stage of death: click tinypic image 2nd stage of death: die of old age waiting for it to load

[–]pgomez 0 points1 point ago

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5) Your nerdy redditor students give you a funny shirt and force you to take a picture.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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After reading the first line, I was relieved to see that this wasn't going to be another atheism circlejerk.

[–]no-cake -1 points0 points ago

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Post to Atheism. They will find the humor in a lie, truth, falling prey.