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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–][deleted] 293 points294 points ago

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Six-year old boy

Transmogrify

[–]DeaderThanElvis 77 points78 points ago

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also: Duplicate.

Invert the box and BAM! Time Travel.

[–]NonstandardDeviation 35 points36 points ago

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Don't forget you can turn it on its side.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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And counterfeiting is just one of its many uses!

[–]fc3s 43 points44 points ago

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"Boink"

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]novembermike 9 points10 points ago

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Scientific progress goes "boink"?

[–]peecee23 3 points4 points ago

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Upvotes for ALL my fellow Calvin enthusiasts. Also, I just like to say "smock".

[–]Reginault 17 points18 points ago

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Infant + Lizard + 3 Perfect Amethysts ---> Transmute ---> Lizard <---

[–]Irvin82 4 points5 points ago

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You have quite a treasure there in that Horadric cardboard box

[–]islamisone 8 points9 points ago

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[–]radiosnob 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] 750 points751 points ago

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When opened, dog is like "HEY DUDE. WHAT'S UP. WHAT'S GOING ON. HOW ARE YOU? THAT BOX WAS AWESOME."

[–][deleted] 609 points610 points ago

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"HOW MANY YEARS WAS I IN THERE? IS IT TIME TO EAT YET? I LOVE YOU."

[–][deleted] 387 points388 points ago

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"I HAVE A TAIL?! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!"

[–]XavierMendel 98 points99 points ago

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"WOOF! WOOF BARK BARK WOOF."

[–]Lurking_Grue 102 points103 points ago

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I was hiding under your box because I love you.

[–]msmisfit138 65 points66 points ago

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Read in the dog from Up's voice.

[–]profsnuggles 26 points27 points ago

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SQUIRREL!

[–]msmisfit138 32 points33 points ago

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I do not like the cone of shame.

[–]dudeweiners 28 points29 points ago

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You've inspired me to watch UP again.

[–]edhornish 15 points16 points ago

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squirrel!!!

[–]plaguelocust 211 points212 points ago

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When opened, cat is like "fuck you."

[–]Reginault 545 points546 points ago

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When ______, cat is like "fuck you."

FTFY

[–]Sir_Meowsalot 16 points17 points ago

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Cee Lo Green cat says, "Fuck you."

[–]DimeShake 2 points3 points ago

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And fuck you, too.

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

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My cat, when put into a box and then let out, has the brilliant strategy of hiding behind a couch.

It kind of puzzles me.

[–]stfudonny 131 points132 points ago

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It is brilliant.

You likely cannot place a box on top of the cat behind the couch.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago

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But it's like hiding from a box by hiding in another box.

[–]youmadethatup 60 points61 points ago

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Oh no, there is plenty of space behind the couch, under the couch -- many escape routes! You just need to think of yourself as the size of a cat.

[–]doatdays 14 points15 points ago

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Inside the couch.

[–]skintigh 17 points18 points ago

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A box of it's choosing.

[–]hilo 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, but a box on its terms.

[–]vventurius 2 points3 points ago

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]> place box on top of cat behind the couch

You cannot do that. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

[–]LuiSP 30 points31 points ago

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"It kind of puzzles me."

The cat is doing it's job.

[–]joeycastillo 6 points7 points ago

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Contrast with cat's reaction to being placed in the box; back then, cat was like, "fuck you."

[–][deleted] 104 points105 points ago

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I tried to put an adequately sized box on my Border Collie. What I ended up with was a walking, clumsy box that immediately set out to hit every available corner in the living room.

[–]aikidont 39 points40 points ago

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For some reason I picture a very oddly shaped room with lots of corners.

[–]HeathenCyclist 2 points3 points ago

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I picture thump, slide, thump, slide...

[–]bobtheghost33 30 points31 points ago

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Metal Gear Border Collie

[–]zenarche 23 points24 points ago

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The look of sadness (which looks suspiciously like ಠ_ಠ) on the dog's face made me laugh.

[–]frozenfire 166 points167 points ago

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Squirrel!

[–]yianstrDAmonstr 45 points46 points ago

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What?

[–]GGatsby 48 points49 points ago

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[–]joss33 131 points132 points ago

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,dog?

[–]justincredulous 26 points27 points ago

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chillin'

[–]abagofdicks 29 points30 points ago

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in a box

[–]joss33 40 points41 points ago

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Lizard

[–]sahkuh 48 points49 points ago

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Lizard used Lizard! It's not very lizard.

[–]Ashley5ash 12 points13 points ago

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Lizard threw a lizard at Lizard... Lizard! Almost lizard!

[–]Pemby 15 points16 points ago

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"Say hi to your mother for me, ok?"

[–]divinesweetdivide 11 points12 points ago

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"A box? MY FAVOURITE THING!"

[–]LilGator[!] 14 points15 points ago

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Why did I read this in Mark Wahlberg's voice?

[–]ssavitsky 62 points63 points ago

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However, for Snake, it becomes an excellent hiding place.

[–]No_name_Johnson[!] 69 points70 points ago

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!

[–]Slackwise 49 points50 points ago

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Okay, so anyone else hear the alert noise in their head...?

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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?

[–]OptimusPrimeTime 15 points16 points ago

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My head just asploded trying to think of what that sounded like.

[–]k3mik 12 points13 points ago

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"Huh?"

[–]Ptylerdactyl 8 points9 points ago

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"Is somebody there?"

[–]V2Blast 3 points4 points ago

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Target lost.

[–]Ptylerdactyl 2 points3 points ago

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"Attack team return. Guard team, stay alert."

[–]ColonelJV 3 points4 points ago

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"It's just a box."

[–]sahkuh 4 points5 points ago

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I was just looking at it, and suddenly I got this irresistible urge to get inside. No not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box. And then when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can't put it into words. I feel... safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness.

[–]TimeForPancakes 12 points13 points ago

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!

[–]Iamametameta 10 points11 points ago

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Goddamn, that was hard to click.

[–]entcinoman 3 points4 points ago

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IT'S JUST A BOX!

[–]thewishmaster 289 points290 points ago

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At least link the original source :)

[–]Medeaa 41 points42 points ago

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Hey wishmaster, while I was upvoting you I remembered that I'd really like a pony, please. Thanks.

[–]Bloak 27 points28 points ago

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He is a master of making wishes, not granting them. (But he can wish you good luck on your mission to have a pony)

[–]thewishmaster 13 points14 points ago

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Thank you. At least someone understands the point of my existence 0:)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Thank you, I wish people would post things with the original source or some context more often.

[–]voreSnake 2 points3 points ago

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Master!

Apprentice!

Heartborne, 7th Seeker

Warrior!

Disciple!

If you know the next line, than double entendre be yours.

[–]servohahn 386 points387 points ago

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I like how what a lizard does when it's being passive is "lizard."

[–]Foghlai 504 points505 points ago

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What would you call what a Snake does when it's being passive?

http://i.imgur.com/9k2OJ.jpg

[–]Johnny_Blaze 187 points188 points ago

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!

[–]ryeguy 46 points47 points ago

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ALERT 99.99

[–]bendynachos 255 points256 points ago

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Lizard used Lizard!

... it's not very lizard...

[–]TheUrge 159 points160 points ago

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It's super lizard!

[–]Y_Ampersand 151 points152 points ago

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Lizard evolved into Lizard.

[–]kraemahz 246 points247 points ago

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Lizard has learned a new move: Lizard! But it already has four moves. Would you like it to forget a move?

  • Lizard
  • Lizard
  • Lizard
  • Lizard

[–]erixx 80 points81 points ago

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Difficult choice. Lizard is super effective against fire which you see pretty often. On the other hand, Lizard increases your defense by two stages, but he's supposed to be a sweeper so that doesn't help much.

I'd say replace Lizard.

[–]sahkuh 52 points53 points ago

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Are you sure you want to forget Lizard?

  • Yes
  • No

[–]Dafuzz 70 points71 points ago

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  • Lizard

[–]ThePengwin 8 points9 points ago

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1.....2.....3....pooof!

[–]whoawut 59 points60 points ago*

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Lizard has forgotten Lizard and learned Lizard!

[–]bitingmyownteeth 14 points15 points ago

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It's Lizards all the way down.

[–][deleted] 108 points109 points ago

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Lizards gonna liz.(ard)

[–]PicklesMcGee 25 points26 points ago

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I laughed much harder than I should have at this.

[–]Melonas 42 points43 points ago

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I'm lizzing.

[–]scoops22 51 points52 points ago

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I lizzed my pants.

[–]JohnMayerIsBest 35 points36 points ago

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Better drink my own lizzard

[–]Nashoo 14 points15 points ago

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Like a lizzard.

[–]respite 5 points6 points ago

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When we do it right, gettin' lizard.

[–]play3393 42 points43 points ago

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I also like jokes!

[–]NoAirBanding 8 points9 points ago

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Here lizard lizard lizard

[–]the_captain 6 points7 points ago

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Rock paper scissors lizard Spock is now: Lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago*

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lizards, & reptiles in general, also calm down & go to sleep when covered or in the dark.

[–]servohahn 31 points32 points ago

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So you're saying that birds lizard as well.

[–]MikePriceWrites 18 points19 points ago

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Umm, have you seen Jurassic Park?

[–]expo1001 8 points9 points ago

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Clever girl.

[–]vogon_poem_lover 3 points4 points ago

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I had a lizard once. That pretty much describes it's behavior.

[–]instant_street 4 points5 points ago

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He's not necessarily being passive. He's just doing whatever lizards do, i.e., walk aimlessly.

[–]creuter 12 points13 points ago

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annnnd now we're youtube.

[–]superwinner 16 points17 points ago

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I find your comment difficult to masturbate to.

[–]davidpardo 7 points8 points ago

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Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

[–]dbeta 5 points6 points ago

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Clearly these people have never seen a lizard addicted to nachos.

[–]superwinner 80 points81 points ago*

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[–]ChancellorFunnelcake 50 points51 points ago

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I feel like it is relevant to state that even in Japan's current state, Maru is safe.

[–]Baron_Grims 27 points28 points ago

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That is great news!! Where did you hear this?

[–]Kuborion 34 points35 points ago

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[–]RobotBuddha 2 points3 points ago

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I think Maru's the only living thing one never need fear for the safety of. I feel like there's nothing, nothing, that he couldn't escape from with a well timed jump.

[–]awesomeideas 24 points25 points ago

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I think it is very interesting that the cat still attaches the concept of box-ness to the obviously unsuitable boxes.

[–]kjgilla 19 points20 points ago

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Maru makes me want to return my cat for store credit.

[–]CAPTAIN_ALL_CAPS 19 points20 points ago

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HOW ELSE IS ARE CATS SUPPOSED TO KEEP THEIR EGGS WARM?

[–]sarais 8 points9 points ago

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At the end I thought Maru was trying to get out of the box...but no he was just trying to get in another box!

[–]PENISpasta 2 points3 points ago

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What type of cat is Maru?

[–]pastarific 8 points9 points ago

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[–]discdeath 423 points424 points ago

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Of course, the real question is if the Cat is alive, dead, or in a state halfway in between. Unfortunately, if you open the box to attempt to determine, the state of the cat will be fixed, and it will be furious, and leap out trying to rip your face off.

[–][deleted] 188 points189 points ago

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I came for the Schrodinger's cat jokes. I stayed because I'm stuck inside this damn box.

[–]joss33 16 points17 points ago

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Are you dead or alive or just in between?

[–]pytechd 29 points30 points ago

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Oh gods, just by asking the question you killed him/saved him, you monster/saint!

[–]Domian 4 points5 points ago

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Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, Catgirl Edition

[–]andan 12 points13 points ago

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Using "fixed" as a pun was the icing on Schrödinger's Cake.

[–]dragn99 3 points4 points ago

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Until you cut through the frosting, the cake is both chocolate and angel.

[–]andan 4 points5 points ago

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I want to have this cake and eat it, too.

[–]MrTonic 12 points13 points ago

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You especially do not put a cat called Greebo in a box...

[–]x2501x 2 points3 points ago

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Only read Discworld books last year. Thinking back, I now wonder of PWEI's song "Greebo Guru" was at all related, or totally something else.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago*

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Really this is a flaw with the whole Schrödinger's cat experiment (besides the problem of the cat being entangled with the system and thereby causing decoherence); there is simply no way you could put a cat in a box and be unable to tell externally whether the cat was alive or not. No matter how hard you try to seal the box, the cat is going to scrabble around and then find a way to poke his head out and give you the "O HAI!" face.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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I don't think you really understand the point of a thought experiment.

[–]FeepingCreature 73 points74 points ago

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I don't think you really understand the tenacity of a cat.

[–]RobotBuddha 5 points6 points ago

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Yep, reality or thought, that cat's head is going to poke out. If somebody says they can imagine a cat in a box, without having that happen? They've just proven themselves to be a filthy liar!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I do; I just like being a pain in the ass about them.

[–]sirmanleypower 47 points48 points ago

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I read this is Douglas Adams' voice.

[–]lobstah4 18 points19 points ago

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I read it in Bill Bryson's voice, as it sounds like something from 'A Short History of Nearly Everything."

[–]FHSolidsnake 19 points20 points ago

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i Read that in Stephen Fry's Voice

[–]myster0n 39 points40 points ago

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I read it with my inner voice. No moving lips or anything. Am I a big boy now?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Peter Jones's voice would make more sense.

[–]Harinezumi 7 points8 points ago

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Which would be particularly bad if the cat were in the halfway in between state. Congratulations, you're now patient zero in the newest zombie plague!

[–]ogami1972 8 points9 points ago

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This is known as Schrodinger's "To hell with this cat, I'm getting a dog" theory.

[–]wreckemtech 78 points79 points ago

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That infographic made me lizard my ass off.

[–]Mancalime 44 points45 points ago

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I'm lizzing!

[–]wreckemtech 38 points39 points ago

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Once, I lizzed so hard I snarted.

[–]AlexanderSalamander 21 points22 points ago

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Thanks Lemon.

[–]giantsfan97 14 points15 points ago

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I instinctively upvote all 30 Rock references.

[–]outisemoigonoma 3 points4 points ago

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I instinctively lizard

[–]underwearmodel 16 points17 points ago

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[–]layendecker 59 points60 points ago

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My dog preferes the 'use head as resistance testing device'.

[–]Munchroom 21 points22 points ago

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yes if it gives the slightest bit nothing but shreds of carton will remain

[–]derleth 28 points29 points ago

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Box is weak.

Box must die.

[–]CtrlShift7 43 points44 points ago

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I don't know about you, but I like to lizard all the time.

[–]bleedingoutlaw28 21 points22 points ago

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♫ My girl wants to Lizard all the time, Lizard all the time, Lizard all the tiiiiiiiime! ♫

[–]Dsilkotch 41 points42 points ago

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Feeling an irresistible compulsion to Melvin.

Okay, so birds never ever sleep on their sides. The do indeed fall asleep (go dormant?) when things go dark, but they always remain upright. When a bird looks like the one in this pic it's either dead or too badly injured/stunned to sit properly.

/Melvin

[–]grog_grows_own_tail 51 points52 points ago

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It's a Norwegian Blue. That's how they rest.

[–]thenorwegianblue 48 points49 points ago

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its true. Thats how I usually rest.

[–]k3mik 19 points20 points ago

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redditor for 2 months

Carry on.

[–]V2Blast 6 points7 points ago

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Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

[–]thenorwegianblue 3 points4 points ago

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But Im just pining for the fjords!

[–]Jafit 172 points173 points ago

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I agree with the idea of classifying infants as animals.

[–]dbeta 156 points157 points ago

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Humans are animals. Babies are very young humans. So babies are animals. Just as fawns, puppies, and kittens are animals.

[–]bimbles_ap 152 points153 points ago

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How are you so wise in the ways of nature?

[–]scuzzman 53 points54 points ago

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Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know.

[–]joss33 29 points30 points ago

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He studied at the University of Lizard

[–]airbubble 27 points28 points ago

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with a major in Lizard.

[–]wellboiledicycle 24 points25 points ago

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I for one am totally lizard with this becoming some kind of half-baked Reddit meme.

[–]airbubble 7 points8 points ago

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Um I think you mean lizard.

[–]1339 7 points8 points ago

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Don't you mean carrots?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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He was too busy lizarding around to get his degree though.

[–]big-o-notation 14 points15 points ago

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I went to Lizard's School of Lizards and Lizardry.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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"You're a lizard, Lizard."

[–]MrKrazybones 10 points11 points ago

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My dog just keeps running in one direction to get out. Usually hits a wall

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago*

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I have a Dragon, he just thinks I turned off the sun when its dark. He doesnt sleep, he waits...

[–]JabroniJohn 31 points32 points ago

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Wait back up. You own a mythical creature? Lets talk about that.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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Are you unaware of the dragons living amongst us?

[–]jaxspider 10 points11 points ago

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Did you catch it yourself? Is your name hickup?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I did not. And No. I got him from a breeder 2.5 years ago.

It is a red and citrus Bearded Dragon.

http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/fvukk/my_bearded_dragon_ampere_has_mad_pong_skills/

[–]hopstar 5 points6 points ago

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Dragons are such under-appreciated pets. Dude has been my silent companion for 9 years now, and yes, he abides.

[–]jaxspider 4 points5 points ago

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Cool, so who is the cutey in the background? I talkin' about the lamp.

I love lamp.

[–]JabroniJohn 6 points7 points ago

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Completely.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago*

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Chinese Water Dragon

Komodo Dragon

Bearded Dragon

Those are a few.

[–]silverwolf761 27 points28 points ago

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I think a more fitting caption for the infant is one of these 3 things:

  1. scream

  2. shit

  3. scream and shit

[–]imjustdownloadin 8 points9 points ago

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I used to have a bird

I can confirm this is true. Whenever it wouldn't shut the hell up, I would just throw a blanket over the cage and it would think it is night time

[–]Mlemac28 17 points18 points ago

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I think most animals think it's night time when they are in a dark room. The difference with birds is that they tend to be prey, so they shut the fuck up and stay still to avoid attracting predators, whereas cats and dogs are predators and will still prowl around.

[–]slipperyottter 3 points4 points ago

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What about owls?

What now Mr. Smartypants?

[–]toplexon 6 points7 points ago

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Night time... DAY TIME! Night time... DAY TIME! I'm playing the night time day time game!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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The interesting thing about my cat and boxes is that if the box is closed it's all "FUCK YOU AND YOUR BOX! RWOOOWWWRRR! Hiss!" and sticks its paw out and swipes at the air.

If the box is open, it jumps in the box and goes "yay box!" jumps around and does silly things.

The best was when my recycling box was sitting on the kitchen chair, and it jumped in the box thinking "yay box!" knocked the box over on top of itself, and then was angry at the world for this cruel twist of fate.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]The-Dudemeister 11 points12 points ago

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Solid Snake --> "I'm invisible"

[–]Anandfulness 8 points9 points ago

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Guard --> "!"

[–]lampost86 8 points9 points ago

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I can confirm, from my childhood, the tongue pondering.

[–]tigz 4 points5 points ago

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I am miffed that there wasn't a Schrödinger's cat reference...

[–]collin_ph 9 points10 points ago

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No "Dick in a box"? I'm surprised.

[–]KousKous 6 points7 points ago

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SNAKE:

Snake?

Snaaaaaaake!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Science!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago*

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Put a box on a redditor and he'll think he's a robot and wander off to the nearest cosplay convention

[–]instantjew 2 points3 points ago

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You forgot:

Snake ---> Solid Snake

[–]mattde 2 points3 points ago

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Animal reaction to cardboard box being opened

[–]prairiecanary 2 points3 points ago

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What about Snake?

[–]GaryWeNeedMoreCarts 2 points3 points ago

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What about the Honey Badger?

[–]Brownt0wn_ 2 points3 points ago

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When opened, cat is like "HEY DUDE, I"M GOING TO SCRATCH YOUR FACE UP BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SAVING ME I'M TERRIFIED AND ATTACKING YOU SEEMS TO BE THE RIGHT CHOICE"