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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]seanmharcailin 796 points797 points ago

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Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

[–]H_E_Pennypacker 162 points163 points ago

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Look, this is very hard for me but I am going to give you my best man. You may have Toby. ... You know, I can't do it. Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff.

[–]dudie 119 points120 points ago

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I hate so much about the things you choose to be.

[–]camuzak 31 points32 points ago

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No one, uh asked you anything ever so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull?

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 16 points17 points ago

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That one is my favorite quote. It just cuts to the core of somebody and it so accurately sums up some of the people I personally hold an irrational hate for.

[–]clydefrog9 31 points32 points ago

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This one's much better.

[–]BlameArticuno 43 points44 points ago

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"I didn't hire an ex-convict...Unless they mean Toby....Convicted Rapist."

[–]KibblesnBitts 353 points354 points ago

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Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton - Creed Bratton

[–]DJBJ 373 points374 points ago

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Creed: I want to set you up with my daughter.

Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.

Creed: I thought you were gay?

Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with you daughter?

Creed: I don't know.

[–]majoogybobber 23 points24 points ago

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[–]BlameArticuno 23 points24 points ago

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The guy was just hanging brain, I mean what's all the fuss? If that's flashing then lock me up.

[–]volatilevisage 6 points7 points ago

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There's a good chance every episode of The Office has been cut up into 10-20 second clips and uploaded on the internet. New game: find every second of The Office using only clips and recreate the entire series.

[–]Whiskey_Tango 2 points3 points ago

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[–]tikor07 149 points150 points ago

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Creed: A number of years ago, I was telling a friend an idea I had for a restaurant where kids could play games and watch shows. Sounds a lot like Chuck E. Cheese right? Well, the guy who invented Chuck E. Cheese was sitting at the next table. I have evidence, affidavits, and documents that they locked me out of the deal. And someday his day will come. And the craziest part about all this, the restaurant where it took place: Chuck E. Cheese.

Man: Was your idea also called Chuck E. Cheese?

Creed: Nope, it was called Woodstock's Freakout Zone.

[–]Specnerd 24 points25 points ago

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Holy crap, what episode is that from? I usually remember everything about Creed.

[–]ichrono21 3 points4 points ago

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S7E14 - The Seminar Deleted Scene

[–]mthmchris 61 points62 points ago

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Dwight Schrute: [showing Creed the picture of a pile of marijuana] Can you tell me what this is?

Creed: Yes. That is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica.

Dwight Schrute: [disappointed] No. It's marijuana.

[–]ieatstickers 89 points90 points ago

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When Pam gets Michael's new chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.

[–]myuglyapple 57 points58 points ago

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Creed: Cool beans man, I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there!

Jim: ................ definitely we should.

[–]identityseeker 65 points66 points ago

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Kevin: I love fake boobs. Often times you find them on strippers. Creed: I find it offensive. Au naturelle, baby. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots.

[–]kokocostanza 16 points17 points ago

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If I can't scuba dive, what's this all been about?

[–]phormality 72 points73 points ago

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[–]notic4lyf 33 points34 points ago

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I've read some of it. Even for the internet, it's pretty shocking...

[–]BlameArticuno 10 points11 points ago

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http://blog.nbc.com/CreedThoughts/

is the link to the blog.

[–]marla_singer 25 points26 points ago

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"I've never owned a refrigerator..." (After winning one in casino night)

[–]RoG623 34 points35 points ago

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The best quote by the best character.

[–]DrMonkeyLove 89 points90 points ago

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"There's been a murder!"

"Oh...I'll be right back, I left something in my car."

[–]sthrmn 19 points20 points ago

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Peels out of parking lot

[–]nicbourbaki 11 points12 points ago

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[–]jennfrog 9 points10 points ago

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Definitely my favorite character. It blew my mind when I learned he was singing over himself in "A Benihana Christmas." Spinnin' N Reelin

[–]Burgerbot 5 points6 points ago

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[–]phrakture 7 points8 points ago

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He plays himself? Epic

[–]alanzeino 22 points23 points ago

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A few episodes back Pam gets the office to make public their new years resolutions; when someone else in the office accomplishes Creed's resolution before he does he flips the fuck out. I laughed for ages with that reaction. Creed ftw!

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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It was a cartwheel. Watch this and then this

[–]sje46 10 points11 points ago

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That is hilarious.

"Fuck you FUCK YOU! GOD!"

EDIT: he actually does it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZTOqY7Ssts&feature=player_detailpage#t=24s

[–]lenniebaby 6 points7 points ago

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during the murder mystery episode

Michael: CREED! There's been a murder and YOU'RE the suspect! Creed: Alright! Perfect, I'll be right back, I just left something in my car.....

[–]kiwi342 4 points5 points ago

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"Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples, a butt, two knee kneecaps, a penis. I just described to the Loch Ness monster. And the reward for its capture, all the riches in Scotland. So i have one question for you, why are you here?"

[–]fixedzero 93 points94 points ago

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"If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides." - Dwight Shrute

[–]nosebleed_yay 9 points10 points ago

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"Did you really think I would hide my primary recording device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane."

[–]dinod8 63 points64 points ago

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I love the part after it. Michael asks how they (other office members) would do it. Dwight Shrute says "Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together. Ready? One bullet, and, boom!" The office bursts into applause

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]PixarLamp 55 points56 points ago

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Future Dwight is my favorite

[–]americanpegasus 7 points8 points ago

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I remember seeing this clip online years ago; it was actually the clip that got me to watch Office in the first place.

[–]NinetiesGuy 168 points169 points ago

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"Daryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?" - Kelly Kapoor

[–][deleted] 172 points173 points ago

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"I bet you get pulled over a lot because of your race, right?" - Dwight

"Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right." - Kelly

Kelly is an underrated character.

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

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She writes many of the episodes, along with her boytoy Ryan

[–]chu2screwed 28 points29 points ago

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Gookie Gookie gook ah gookie goo-SLAP

[–]CMYKyle 23 points24 points ago

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Have you notices in the pilot she's dressed very conservatively? Sometime in the first season the character turned into the flashily-dressed ditz.

[–]joooonyer 18 points19 points ago

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In an interview with Erin and Angela they mentioned that for the 2nd season Kelly refused to come back dressed like that. Ever since then they made her character more "fashionable"

The interview is on HULU Sorry for those outside the US

[–]alexanderwales 10 points11 points ago

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In the episode commentaries, they joke that she had a mild stroke that completely changed her personality.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Yep, from what I understand Mindy would write Kelly to fit more of the things she'd personally like. Such as getting Kelly hair extensions so that she would have to get them for herself.

[–]gizza 15 points16 points ago

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Most of the characters changed a lot after the first season. The first season was basically just copying the UK version. After that they started to go their own way. You'll also notice that in the first season Michael looks about 20 years older, with slicked back greying hair etc.

[–]StaticHorizon 7 points8 points ago

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I also thought that Michael looked kinda chubby in the first season, too.

[–]moistrobot 34 points35 points ago

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I don't talk trash; I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, "Your mama's so fat she could eat the internet", but smack talk is happening like right now, like, "You're ugly and I know it for a fact cause I got the evidence right there." - Kelly Kapoor

[–]TentacleFace 2 points3 points ago

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you need the hand movements for that one.

[–]pacmantwo 53 points54 points ago

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"I hate so much of the things you chose to be" Love this one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5d5jxJ5vbM&feature=related

[–]funkminister 157 points158 points ago

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"R is the most menacing letter in the alphabet. That's what it's 'murder', not 'mukduk'." - Dwight Schrute

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points ago

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I actually think mukduk sounds more menacing.

[–]yousername 24 points25 points ago

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A local area man was mukduked early this morning. Authorities say he was brutally butt fucked, mukduked, and someone took a dump on his chest. Police are looking for someone black.

[–]rntksi 5 points6 points ago

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/hides under table

you guys are not scaring me with your menacing Rs in your usernames!! definitely not, definitely not.

[–]DesCo83 9 points10 points ago

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How long have you been waiting for an opportunity to demonstrate that you know what that is?

[–]rntksi 6 points7 points ago

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Actually... had a tab open on this page because I was curious as to why Japanese mixed up their Rs and Ls...

So... not very long.

[–]philosoraptocopter 3 points4 points ago

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In fact, it's the only menacing letter in the alphabet. It's the sound of growling.

[–]heartbeats 51 points52 points ago

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"There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, 'What if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?' He said, 'if I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.'"

[–]dvsbastard 149 points150 points ago

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When it comes to office quotes, Dwight's words of wisdom wins hands down:

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

[–]alexandrathegr8 5 points6 points ago

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This fucking quote makes me laugh uncontrollably.

[–]quellcrist 3 points4 points ago

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Love that one as well. Nothing I read better in Dwight's voice without actually hearing him! here is the link

[–]MikhailsModernLife 534 points535 points ago*

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*Ryan: Did this happen on company property?

*Michael Scott: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.

*Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.

*Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?

[–]daftpunkfunk 183 points184 points ago

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Michael Scott: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

[–]S7evyn 5 points6 points ago

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Press enter twice to add line breaks.

[–]SirCadburyWadsworth 164 points165 points ago

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You can all stop trying... Nothing beats Dwight's Hannibal moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pQdaMKTmUw

[–]buckeyemed 23 points24 points ago

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That whole scene is my favorite in the entire series.

[–]siist3m 10 points11 points ago

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This scene will never leave my head.

[–]Pokemen 2 points3 points ago

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I could barely breath after first watching that scene. I was laughing so hard I actually fell off the couch and hit my head. It's just amazing.

[–]tidder112 34 points35 points ago

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Michael: Can't talk, saving the planet.

Pam: Oh, we don't recycle.

Michael: ...we don't? Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Pam: I'm sure no one asked you to do that.

Michael: Eight years...

[–]alkaline810 71 points72 points ago

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Michael: I like colored greens

Stanley: Collard.

Michael: What?

Stanley: They're called "collard" greens.

Michael: No, no. That's offensive. They're not called "collard" people.

[–]DJBJ 32 points33 points ago

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I don't see blue collar or white collar. You know why? I'm collar-ed blind. -Michael Scott

[–]feedmestraycat 63 points64 points ago

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Boom roasted.

[–]DrSarno 16 points17 points ago

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Cornell called, they think you suck

[–]feedmestraycat 13 points14 points ago

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And you're gayer than Oscar!

[–]flipityfloppity 2 points3 points ago

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Your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom roasted.

[–]notfeelingthat 62 points63 points ago

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Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry.

[–]brianbrianbrian 57 points58 points ago

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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be...

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Such an epic put-down. Truly soul-crushing.

[–]ahladun 16 points17 points ago

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You know what toby, this is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.

[–]SnakeVanPotamus 29 points30 points ago

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Michael: There's no criminals in this office. Except for Toby, convicted rapist!

[–]AestheticDeficiency 49 points50 points ago

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Personally I like the dialogue between Dwight and Stanley about the Schrute Bucks. I searched youtube for the video, but to no avail. If someone finds it, or if you know what I'm talking about it's hilarious.

[–]naturalcauzes 170 points171 points ago

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Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Shrute bucks?

Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.

Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?

Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

[–]RSQFree 47 points48 points ago

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Before that (from memory):

Dwight: Then you are deducted 10 Shrute bucks

Stanley: Take a hundred

[–]barbizon 17 points18 points ago

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The best Stanley scene has no dialogue.

[–]azncookiecutter 9 points10 points ago

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[–]tcquad 6 points7 points ago

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The only thing I could find was an educational (?) video. It's good quality, but has some writing over it.

[–]infested999 3 points4 points ago

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WTF kind of educational video is that? "OK class today we will be watching The Office and we will learn about how the writers make their jokes!"

[–]PapaAlphaTango 233 points234 points ago

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Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

[–]BearsBeetsBattlestar 300 points301 points ago

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What?

[–]nothing_clever 46 points47 points ago

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How long have you been waiting for this moment?

[–]sastrone 24 points25 points ago

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About 1 year I would say.

[–]iBS_PartyDoc 24 points25 points ago

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Or about every other day, when 'The Office' is referenced in some way.

[–]NinjaVaca 5 points6 points ago

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484 days

[–]RSQFree 26 points27 points ago*

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I used to hear that as "Bears beats Battlestar Galactica", as in "bears are better than BG"..

Edit: I realize that it would be "beat", not "beats", but still..

[–]beatskin 11 points12 points ago

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Yeah me too, I think the version we thought it was is funnier. Especially with Dwight's response "Bears do not... what is going on?" As in he's outraged and is saying bears are not better than BG. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XboUKBkrMwk

[–]popson 5 points6 points ago

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No. Dwight was going to say "Bears do not eat beets", in response to Jim's first statement, but stopped once he realized he was being trolled.

[–]nandryshak 6 points7 points ago

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Edit: I realize that it would be "beat", not "beats", but still..

But still WHAT?

[–]iacfw 111 points112 points ago

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I think that whole STD scene was better.

"I have h.. i..."

'OH GOD'

"r p e e s"

[–]Superfishul 22 points23 points ago

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[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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[–]DarqWolff 5 points6 points ago

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I think you really have to hand it to the two actors and the cinematographer involved for that one. They probably didn't get to do it in multiple takes, since they were spilling coffee, but they completely nailed it there.

[–]ufsandcastler 8 points9 points ago

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Pretzel day Stanley is my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGUTf3KtMnQ

[–]TheRiff 2 points3 points ago

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[–]SlyCurado 2 points3 points ago

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Source?

[–]chafe 2 points3 points ago

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It's in the newest season. They played it last week.

[–]phormality 3 points4 points ago

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Last week was where Packer came back, the STD episode is from a while ago.

[–]Bthulhu 7 points8 points ago

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Las week was a bunch of re-runs wasn't it?

[–]phormality 2 points3 points ago

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Just looked it up, apparently it was re-runs. I only watch the new stuff and don't count re-runs as a time when something aired when referencing it. I figured it was on in syndication and it was on last week...

It looks like they are taking a month off before the last episode of the season where I am assuming Michael leaves since he is done with the show.

[–]poorbanker 61 points62 points ago

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[–]PMan1 5 points6 points ago

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OK haven't seen the US office, but have seen this loads and do not get the context?

Please explain.

[–]brianbrianbrian 42 points43 points ago

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Michael hates Toby. Toby was gone. Toby came back. Michael very sad.

[–]PMan1 21 points22 points ago

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PMan1 like explanation.

More than other explanations.

Thank you Thag.

[–]brianbrianbrian 8 points9 points ago

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Me not rape you now, you nice. Want hunt mammoth together?

[–]originalnutta 16 points17 points ago

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Michael hates Toby, the HR rep. Toby goes away for awhile and this is what happens when he comes back. Michael didn't expect his return.

Its a running gag that Michael hates Toby.

[–]nocheckers 4 points5 points ago

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I mean, you get that Michael hates Toby cause everybody said that, but I don't think you understand how much Michael hates Toby. This clip illustrates that.

[–]kanyezi 5 points6 points ago

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Michael hates Toby the human resources guy. Earlier in the season (or the previous one) Toby moves to Costa Rica. Eventually he comes back but Michael has no idea. This is him discovering the person he hates the most in life is back

[–]ghostchamber 21 points22 points ago

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Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!!

[–]granola_brother 18 points19 points ago

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Jan: Michael, you can't fire Toby without cause.

Michael: I have cause. It's be-cause I hate him.

[–]BeingAwesomeInstead 18 points19 points ago

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My philosophy is basically this – and this is something that I live by, and I always have, and I always will. Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where or who or who you are with, or…or where you are going, or…or where you’ve been, ever, for any reason whatsoever....

[–]maccam912 18 points19 points ago

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Michael: "How long does it take for you to do something simple, like, say, brush your teeth?" Handicapped man: "I don't know, like 30 seconds?" Michael: "See! That's three times as long as it takes me!"

[–]qvindtar 19 points20 points ago

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Abraham Lincoln once said that "if you are a racist, I will attack you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

[–]mumbles_gh 16 points17 points ago

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Season 5 Episode 13 when Dwight sets fire to the office: "Today, smoking is gonna save lives" Personal favourite.

[–]MrDamBeaver 14 points15 points ago

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That entire scene is one of my favourites, specially when Angela throws the cat to Oscar in the ceiling and then you see the cat falling on the other side.

[–]AnUnusualAnimal 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Hsudoku 14 points15 points ago

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Michael: Stanley, your heart sucks and you crush your wife during sex.

[–]thecaseyjames 31 points32 points ago

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Holly: Lifts up ring finger Kevin: Right back at you bitch! Flips her off

[–]TwwIX 16 points17 points ago

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[–]duckwizzle 54 points55 points ago

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[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7IVFea0yEc mine

because it's so sad :( and yet so funny :)

[–]phormality 17 points18 points ago

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I felt so bad for him, but couldn't help but laughing.

Kevin is highly under-rated.

[–]thisiswhatyouget 7 points8 points ago

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I saw him so many times when I went to clubs in LA.

It's really funny because you would not think he spends his time partying with girls half his age.

[–]sje46 2 points3 points ago

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[–]blitzed 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, it's kind of a mindfuck, until you re-watch season 1. He uses his normal voice in season 1, he changes it to the cookie monster voice starting in season 2. Completely threw me off when I realized.

[–]Forensik 12 points13 points ago

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I'd shoot Toby too after watching this

[–]smplejohn 12 points13 points ago

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Really? No one's brought up William Buttlicker? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT3IYkkWYiQ

[–]angryoungman 2 points3 points ago

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I like the sound of your voice. I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper from you!

[–]citizen_lame 12 points13 points ago

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Darryl: "Tell them your story Heday." Heday: "In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. On day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza died. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!"

Video Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQDIbfIpFyw

[–]Teflonscribe 11 points12 points ago

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"No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around, fighting crime. Those are the real heroes."-Dwight Shrute

[–]Teflonscribe 2 points3 points ago

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When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word "failure".-Dwight Shrute

[–]originalnutta 21 points22 points ago

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Gareth: I can read women. You've got to know their wants and their needs. And that can be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.

[–]analogkid01 15 points16 points ago

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They had Michael Scott meeting David Brent...why not Dwight Schrute meeting Gareth Keenan?

[–]thisiswhatyouget 4 points5 points ago

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Look at this - "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs". Now you do not punish a girl, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.

[–]originalnutta 7 points8 points ago

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Jennifer Taylor-Clark: I just can't believe their total lack of respect.

David Brent: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not only did they undermine you in an authoritative sense, but they left an image in my mind of you.... naked on all fours literally being done doggy style.

[–]i_got_this 17 points18 points ago

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The best part is that Toby is a lead writer on the show, meaning his probably wrote that line about himself

[–]gradyp 8 points9 points ago

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Not at all the best line. I've heard that one since high school.

Not that it's not a great line, there are just so many better ones. Tonight the Dinner Party episode was on, one of my favorite subtle lines from that is when Pam gives Jan a bottle of wine and Jan says something to the effect of "oh thank you, this will be great for cooking." I love those little subtle lines, such an incredibly bitchy thing to say, especially in the context of the episode where Jan was inconsiderate enough to need several hours to "braise the ossobuco."

[–]SGT_756 7 points8 points ago

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[–]CHAMPANERIA 7 points8 points ago

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I declair bankrupcy!!!

[–]Nine_Inch_Nailed_IT 19 points20 points ago

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Clearly the office's best moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC7v01Om9yQ

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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If I can't scuba, then what has this all been about?!

[–]brianbrianbrian 4 points5 points ago

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Creed is full of awesome.

[–]Deep-Thought 11 points12 points ago

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[–]pimpybra 8 points9 points ago

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I love:

Pam: Michael, 5K means five kilometers, not five thousand miles.

Makes me laugh every time I hear or see something about a 5k race.

[–]ramerica 6 points7 points ago

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Fool me once, strike one.

Fool me twice, strike three.

[–]Dforlife 16 points17 points ago

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I hate so much about what you choose to be. -Michael Scott to Toby

[–]brentywat 5 points6 points ago

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My friends call me toby. They say it's because i look and act like him but part of me suspects they just all hate me and keep me around for this really funny long term joke.

[–]Bthulhu 10 points11 points ago

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This always gets me.

Also when Karen thinks Phyllis's perfume stinks.

Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in metropolitan Orlando. It’s made from real pine.

Karen: Who’s Bob Vance?

Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town sweetie.

[–]imperialxcereal 3 points4 points ago

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Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration...Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration..

[–]Fc2300 4 points5 points ago

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so Bob, what kind of work you do?

[–]tidu 4 points5 points ago

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Michael vs. Toby has always been my favorite part of the show. Michael's concealed threats in the exit interview in Goodbye Toby are perfect. And Michael's reformed delivery of his questions is great too.

[–]ju2tin 4 points5 points ago

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Michael's decision makes sense, since Hitler and Bin Laden are already dead.

[–]ieatstickers 3 points4 points ago

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[–]ShapesforSounds 10 points11 points ago

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Deleted scene. Michaels hunting trip. I can't understand how this wouldn't make the cut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz9qoMCQPEc

[–]Iron_Boy 11 points12 points ago

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Dwight Schrute: So anyways she said that is the biggest penis I have ever seen, and I said I know! That's why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a "thousand" dollars. Oh hello Danny.

The Sting

[–]Phallic 33 points34 points ago

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It's... a pretty old joke.

[–]PMan1 8 points9 points ago

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It's a very old joke

[–]ashwilliams 4 points5 points ago

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Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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[–]drewchebag 4 points5 points ago

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Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?

Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

[–]IthinkIthink 6 points7 points ago

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I like it when Jim gets Dwight to beat himself up.

[–]aceace1 6 points7 points ago

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Even though I prefer the UK version, the American version has gems like this

[–]javier23 2 points3 points ago

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"So, what if the moon was your car and jupiter was your hairbrush??" - Andy Bernard

the more the series goes on, the more i'm convinced he's a huge stoner, no joke.

[–]tidu 6 points7 points ago

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The more the series has gone on, the more each character has become a ridiculous caricature of themselves.

[–]Ooxman 13 points14 points ago

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It's almost like it's a successful TV show!

I am inclined to agree, although I still love it.

[–]redlig 2 points3 points ago

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Just looking at this image of Dwight, Michael and Jim in the car wearing mustaches cracks me up.

[–]arsenal09490 2 points3 points ago

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For those of you who don't know... there is an r/DunderMifflin

[–]OldSchoolIsh 2 points3 points ago

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"Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them."

David Brent.

[–]lyrrad16 2 points3 points ago*

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Dwight: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work. But from the moment, as a child, when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you, and you will understand, that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Salesmen of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you, once more, rise and be worthy of this historical hour.

No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself!

Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesmen...and women...of the world, unite.

We must never acquiesce. For it is together! Together that we prevail! We must never concede control of the motherland, for it is... Together that we prevail!

video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duZ4VSDmwNo

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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This was THE quote that made me laugh, spit smoothie out my nose, then choke on it. All in a public restaurant on a blind date. Lets just say I never saw the guy again.

[–]pawnzz 2 points3 points ago

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You were watching The Office at a restaurant while on a blind date?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You ask it like it's a bad thing lol. If I was on a blind date with a girl, and she wanted to watch the Office, AND found it that funny, she would get a second date. And I'm boring enough for her to want to watch the TV while on the date so it all works out! Right?

[–]treitter 3 points4 points ago

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I hear that saxophonists have the same joke but with Kenny G.

[–]fase 4 points5 points ago

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Zoidbort, you ignorant slut.

[–]bdelgado 1 point2 points ago

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Michael: "Why did the convict have to be a black guy. It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy. Who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake."

[–]rrearleii 1 point2 points ago

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here I was expecting "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."

[–]FeminineOdor 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Teflonscribe 1 point2 points ago

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"Of course cage matches work, if they didn't, everyone would still be in the cage".-Michael Scott

[–]messiahbastard 1 point2 points ago

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Incorrect. Best quote is,"Boing." Gets me every time.

[–]analogkid01 1 point2 points ago

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"Everyone knows how funny Cheech & Chong were. But just think how much funnier they'd be if they weren't high all the time."

[–]Rirobuge 1 point2 points ago

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I'm not superstitious... But I am a little stitious.

[–]LuckyXIII 1 point2 points ago

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[–]BestCommentWinnerIs 1 point2 points ago

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Michael: "No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull."

[–]imadeathing 1 point2 points ago

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My favourite... Dwight: "Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so you are succeeding. Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's."

Crappy shakycam clip I found: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctEs_7AoMFs

[–]daftpunkfunk 1 point2 points ago

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Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day.

Michael Scott would fit right in with Reddit.

[–]and_the_winner_is 1 point2 points ago

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“The joke’s on you, Goldenface. That man was a wanted animal rapist.”