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top 200 commentsshow all 396

[–]kris_lace 386 points387 points ago

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"Take a knife to a gun fight - stab them while they laugh"

[–]DarthDoody 401 points402 points ago

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-Gandhi

[–]kingtrewq 99 points100 points ago

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-The goddamn batman

[–]CaptainArab 35 points36 points ago

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-Ricky and Julien

[–]Caleb666 16 points17 points ago

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-Romeo and Juliet

[–]Noodlypriest 19 points20 points ago

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-Jesus Christ, Trolls 24:12

[–]Recamen 16 points17 points ago

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And upon the third day, Jesus returned to the world of the living, and the Romans were amazed; and Jesus, bringing his lower jaw forward, said, "Problem"? And the Romans said unto him, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

The word of the Lord.

[–]kore464 1 point2 points ago

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-Capulets and Montagues.

[–]TheGoshDarnedBatman 7 points8 points ago

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Yes?

[–]RedditTr0ll 13 points14 points ago

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-Michael Scott

[–]thcobbs 20 points21 points ago

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[–]diggro 6 points7 points ago

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  • O.J. Simpson

[–]Tasboo 28 points29 points ago

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-Insanity Wolf

[–]Zachums 32 points33 points ago

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-Eleanor Roosevelt.

[–]McVader 17 points18 points ago

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-Michael Scott

[–]yousername 0 points1 point ago

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-Mykill Tastesgreat

[–]CorrosiveMonkey 9 points10 points ago

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-Oscar Wilde

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]bdog2g2 7 points8 points ago

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what a bargain!

[–]radiationshield 5 points6 points ago

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"Then love them violently while you're #winning" - Charlie Sheen

[–]ishbuggy 4 points5 points ago

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-V

[–]infamous4d 3 points4 points ago

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France is Bacon

[–]flexmyrex 534 points535 points ago

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I see knifing isn't just overpowered in Call of Duty anymore.

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 389 points390 points ago

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Knives make you run faster too.

[–]the_scarecrow 266 points267 points ago

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Everybody runs faster with a knife!

[–]powercow 415 points416 points ago

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thats because you can cut the wind with a knife. You run with it in front of you, you stab a few air molecules and they get out of the way and you lose all wind resistance.

[–]raptosaurus 218 points219 points ago

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troll science

[–]I_Know_Physics 379 points380 points ago

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It is not troll science. It is real science. This simple diagram may help you understand it better.

[–]KingofDerby 192 points193 points ago

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looks at username

I trust him.

[–]allidoislietoyou 44 points45 points ago

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Do you guys know that "Libya" is Spanish for magazine cover?

[–]Im_a_gringo 51 points52 points ago

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TIL

[–]the_scarecrow 19 points20 points ago

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his username makes me doubtful...

[–]pandemic1444 5 points6 points ago

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Did you guys know "Gringo" is Spanish for a white man?

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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Then what does he breathe?

[–]blackjackel 16 points17 points ago

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shut up, you're ruining it!

[–]powercow 50 points51 points ago*

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This is a question I get a lot, especially when Neil Armstrong said it was just like fighting in space except the air and gravity.

Try this little experiment, while being alive, hold your hand up to your mouth nose area. That wind like sensation you feel is called breath. That's your breath. Or your wind. We can only cut it when it is outside of your body. That is without cutting you open first.

IT doesnt feel very strong does it? compared to the tornado scale it is below an f0, even at full speed, it never even gets close.

it is actually an f0.1, it isnt shown on the scale because the media wouldnt stop reporting tornadoes every time you breathed unless we kept it off.. your breath comes out of you at about 5.5 kph(3.5mph) while you can run about 13kph(8mph), as you can see the air cant get out of you before you breathe it back in, so it never even gets out to get cut. This is also how rebreathers work, they simulate running while you are swimming. But it only lasts for so long, this is why you get tired while running, you run out of oxygen in your breath and have to stop and let it out, so you can get a fresh one.

TL:DR When running full speed forwards the only way to breathe is out your butt.

[–]Renwallz 5 points6 points ago

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Just highlighting you do need to be alive to try this. I tried it while dead and unfortunately nothing happened.

[–]SergeiKirov 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty sure I can run faster than 13 km/h. Just sayin.

[–]the_cereal_killer 4 points5 points ago

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sheldon?

[–]sonofrasmus 4 points5 points ago

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Wow, one can't argue with irrefutable facts. I tip my hat to you, sir.

[–]mylittleprincest 5 points6 points ago*

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You can really get a feel for the scale on which particle physicists work within in this diagram.

[–]AnonymousFan9 27 points28 points ago

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ah yes, the subtle knife

[–]puffymonster 5 points6 points ago

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Which can also cut through dust

[–]Gauntlet 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah it can cut through dust but that's only because dust is bigger than the fabric of space and time.

[–]Seabizzl3 1 point2 points ago

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That's funny that this comes up, i had a dream last night that i was reading The Subtle Knife.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]archiesteel 4 points5 points ago

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I cut wind just now.

Wait, broke, not cut.

[–]coldacid 4 points5 points ago

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This is also why you shouldn't sleep with a fan on in your room. The fan blades will chop up all the oxygen molecules and you'll suffocate.

[–]yul_brynner 1 point2 points ago

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Is this like diving in water?

[–]theswedishshaft 1 point2 points ago

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The phenomenon you describe is correct, but your explanation is incorrect. By waving in front of you while running you scare away the ozone molecules in the air, thus lowering the wind resistance. Under pressure - you're waving at them with a knife after all - ozone molecules break down from O=O-O to O_O and :O .

[–]PartyMark 3 points4 points ago

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That's why adults tell children not to run with a knife in their hand, they know they will just bolt and become impossible to catch

[–]Houli 6 points7 points ago

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RIP Pure Pwnage.

[–]UpThere 7 points8 points ago

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Who cares when you have a car.

[–]Logan_Jennings 21 points22 points ago

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Yeah, guys with the tank said the same thing.. Look at them now.

[–]blazingsaddle 4 points5 points ago

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Actually the fastest running speed is with the Scout, I don't know why.

[–]quantum_guy 2 points3 points ago

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Especially in a shower full of guys.

[–]Woozilbub 1 point2 points ago

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Unless you are using scout, which is even faster.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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And I see you've already played knifey spooney.

[–]WalkyTalkyMan 5 points6 points ago

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fucking commando

[–]kook321 3 points4 points ago

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I bet he used commando. What a n00b.

[–]JasonZX12R 4 points5 points ago

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He could have been a chariot unit in civ 4 vs a tank. High probability of winning!

[–]jazzyy 1 point2 points ago

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I'd hate to be a grammar nazi but although your sentence is correct, it would look much better this way:

I see knifing isn't overpowered in just Call of Duty anymore.

[–]laller 143 points144 points ago

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I can't stop laughing at the fact that he's telling another car to drive him closer than the one he's sitting in.

[–]connard 123 points124 points ago

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You can't see it in the picture but it's actually a giant war chariot being drawn by eight cars hooked together.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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Yeah I think we need a close up.

[–]snoogansomg 32 points33 points ago

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This is the close-up. What you want is a wider shot.

[–]BioCal 2 points3 points ago

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He's so fuckin awesome on so many levels!

[–]trainmaster611 37 points38 points ago

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So he took a knife to a tank fight and won?

[–]jorgesum 38 points39 points ago

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Tank beats gun.

Gun beats knife.

Therefore, knife beats tank.

It makes sense if you think about it.

[–]Juliano94 9 points10 points ago

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So really war is no more than a game of rock paper scissors, but with tank gun knife instead.

[–]Sykotik 18 points19 points ago

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I see you've played knifey tanky before...

[–]juvibec 92 points93 points ago

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Best use of meme of the day.

[–]thecastorpastor 21 points22 points ago

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Which particular meme is that?

[–][deleted] 150 points151 points ago

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[–]propaglandist 53 points54 points ago

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[–]FLYBOY611 11 points12 points ago

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You just convinced me to buy this game.

[–]Jivlain 1 point2 points ago

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I just tried that and he really does say that (not every time, but it is one of the things he says!).

[–]agentmirrors 44 points45 points ago

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oh how the tables have turned

[–]ApolloXLII 7 points8 points ago

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into turntables!!

whicca whicca wwoooaaerreeerrerr TURN UP THE BASSBASSBASS

[–]jesal 6 points7 points ago

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[Fixed]?

[–]jabo27 29 points30 points ago

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next will be fighter pilot taken out by throwing stars.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]DrMoreau69 14 points15 points ago

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I don't understand, who needs a knife in a karma fight anyway? All you gotta do is push a button.

[–]Kennethnoisewasser 17 points18 points ago

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Throws knife, sticking hand to wall

You cannot push a button, if I disable your hand.

[–]dudeperson33 16 points17 points ago

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Top rated YouTube comment: The enemy cannot fuck your girlfriend if you disable his dick.

[–]Aldoux 5 points6 points ago

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TIL Courage Wolf posts on Youtube.

[–]tylo 4 points5 points ago

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Medic!

[–]I_Know_That_Person 18 points19 points ago

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I gave him that knife. I said, "one day this blade will help topple dictators"

[–]Sykotik 14 points15 points ago

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"It's dangerous to go alone, take this."

[–]AAAAAAAAAAAAA13 16 points17 points ago

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I can't help to remember Trunks killing Frieza.

[–]kingtrewq 9 points10 points ago

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Frieza was a tank?

[–]The_Magical_Amount 31 points32 points ago

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Every major character in DBZ was.

[–]kingtrewq 16 points17 points ago

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I think they were more than a tank. In one of the first episodes of dbz, vegeta destroyed a planet with 1 finger.

[–]craftyj 29 points30 points ago

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And then later could not do that for some reason

[–]PillowfortSG 35 points36 points ago

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it wasn't that he couldn't. He could have, but would have destroyed the dragonballs.

Melvin'd.

[–]Faryshta 6 points7 points ago

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...and himself.

[–]PillowfortSG 1 point2 points ago

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Could have done it from space.

[–]billbillbilly 1 point2 points ago

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One bullet. One kill.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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He used all his cooldowns.

[–]impatspence 25 points26 points ago

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Omg, i was thinking something along the lines of this in the original post: http://www.madhouseinc.org/Graphics/Modern%20Jousting.jpg

I'm madly impressed :P

[–]SamWhite 10 points11 points ago

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What. The. Fuck.

[–]rroseselavy42 1 point2 points ago*

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EVERYONE LOVES MICKEY EYE

[–]MuffinTopSamurai 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote for Seaguy reference.

[–]denim-chicken 57 points58 points ago

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Car knight is FUCKING METAL \m/ -_- \m/

[–]verdammt 12 points13 points ago

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\m/ _____^ \m/

[–]eatsthepoo 56 points57 points ago

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\m/ ಠ_ಠ \m/

[–]Im_a_gringo 34 points35 points ago

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I like how your metal guy looks as if he's not sure why he's doing the horns.

[–]Illadelphian 2 points3 points ago

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Kinda like all the metal guys doing the horns.

[–]S7evyn 3 points4 points ago

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OH GOD WHERE DID MY MIDDLE AND RING FINGERS GO.

AND MY THUMBS.

[–]Corsaer 13 points14 points ago

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He would do a Comissar proud.

[–]gorchitza 61 points62 points ago

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pffft, he just respawned behind the tank crew member.

hax0r$

[–]endomandi 10 points11 points ago

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Tanks are notoriously vulnerable to infantry attack.

There was a quote from one of the WWII generals to the effect of "The primary weapon of the tank is the machine gun, not the main gun." I think it was Patton but I can't find it.

[–]diuge 9 points10 points ago

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During the Winter War, the Finns destroyed tanks just by walking up to them and tossing fire in the gas tank, or immobilizing the wheels with logs.

[–]jarno_niemela 4 points5 points ago

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That's where Molotov coktail comes from.

Finns named it during the war, the original name is Molotovin koktaili. The accurate translation would be cocktail for Molotov, who was USSR minister of foreign affairs at the time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molotov_cocktail

During the Winter War, the Soviet air force made extensive use of incendiaries and cluster bombs against Finnish troops and fortifications. When Soviet People's Commissar for Foreign Affairs Vyacheslav Molotov claimed in radio broadcasts that they were not bombing, but rather delivering food to the starving Finns, the Finns started to call the air bombs Molotov bread baskets.[6] Soon they responded by attacking advancing tanks with "Molotov cocktails" which were "a drink to go with the food". At first, the term was used to describe only the burning mixture itself, but in practical use the term was soon applied to the combination of both the bottle and its contents. This Finnish use of the hand- or sling-thrown explosive against Soviet tanks was repeated in the subsequent Continuation War between the two countries.[1]

[–]saddat 9 points10 points ago

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Machete's Libyan brother

[–]Faryshta 1 point2 points ago

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This guy is more like the Death Metal version of Darth Vader.

[–]ndt 9 points10 points ago

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Dude is fighting with a roman gladius?

[–]lediablerouge 4 points5 points ago

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Still one of the most practical weapons ever designed, apparently.

[–]zzorga 4 points5 points ago

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When in Rome...

Kill fucking tanks with a sword!!!

[–]DawnRunsAmok 2 points3 points ago*

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The Gladius really is a well designed sword. The crossguard is a bit small; however, due to the need to counterbalance the wide V point, and general heaviness of the blade, the pommel is typically large & heavy...very useful for defense, or in a smash & slash attack. Though it lacks the elegance of some designs, the Gladius is a lot of fun to fight with.

Although I don't anymore, I fenced for years; and in my foolish youth was active in the SCA at Renaissance Fairs. Wearing homemade armor, we fought with real, but dull as shit, swords, etc. Those weekend warriors were pretty serious though. We'd come out of a "demonstration" bruised to hell and back, and broken bones were common. Sounds stupid, I know, but damn it was fun...

[–]lediablerouge 1 point2 points ago

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I won't lie, that sounds pretty awesome.

[–]IamZAN 7 points8 points ago

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This is absurdly epic.

[–]XEN1TH 7 points8 points ago

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Guns for show, knives for a pro.

[–]Hipster_Comments 20 points21 points ago

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I was into Libya back when it was Ottoman

[–]ptsaq 6 points7 points ago

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How old are you?

[–]ServerOfJustice 2 points3 points ago

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Check the name...

If anyone's curious, Libya was taken from the Ottomans by Italy in 1911.

[–]Donitee 6 points7 points ago

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Drive By Arab Style!

[–]DoctorStrangeLover 29 points30 points ago

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The tank can't shoot when the enemy is close.

[–]verisimilarity 42 points43 points ago

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That was my strategy in ARMA 2 and BC2 for quite a while. Run up to the tank while it's facing the other way, then while you're inside of its "peace zone", drop some C4 or whatever and sprint and detonate. Then I realized tanks can run you over, too.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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This was also a strategy in this game called WW2. Tanks would be pretty vulnerable if they went into an urban environment first, especially with these campers.

[–]KingofCraigland 8 points9 points ago

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Oh yeah...totally imba.

[–]rmm45177 4 points5 points ago

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Here is what I learned from Bad Company 1. You need to run up behind or to the side of the tank. Stay back some feet though in case he lags or it glitches or something. DO NOT JUMP ON TOP OF THE TANK, YOU WILL DIE!!! As long as you're close and on its side, you're invincible.

[–]Silky_89 16 points17 points ago

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Can we expect the UN to nerf Libya in an upcoming patch?

[–]renesisxx 4 points5 points ago

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No more Mr Knife Guy.

[–]boywizard 4 points5 points ago

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Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?

[–]afphreak 6 points7 points ago

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shit just got real...

[–]conorreid 7 points8 points ago

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Win level... OVERWHELMING.

[–]donttakemywordforit 7 points8 points ago

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How does a sword win a tank fight? You can't explain that.

[–]mexicodoug 10 points11 points ago

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Sword goes in, sword comes out. The moon waxes, the moon wanes. A mighty force is at work.

[–]ptsaq 4 points5 points ago

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That is flawless logic, explains everything for me. Thanks you

[–]levin88 2 points3 points ago

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This is some Mad Max shit right here

[–]Athianity 2 points3 points ago

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Fear the blade. Always.

[–]RetrospecTuaL 2 points3 points ago

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[–]MattSoRaven 2 points3 points ago

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I want to hit them with my statue of the Washington Monument.

[–]migrego 2 points3 points ago

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Is that Sean Penn playing a Libyan?

[–]buddamus 5 points6 points ago

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LIKE A FUCKING BOSS!!!!!!!!!!

[–]Carraz 3 points4 points ago

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That's clearly not a hunting knife?

[–]brianbrianbrian 2 points3 points ago

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Yeh mate, THEES ees a noif!

[–]I_Quote_Simpsons 2 points3 points ago

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That's not a knife, that's a spoon.

[–]gabe2011 1 point2 points ago

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There is no spoon.

[–]coldacid 1 point2 points ago

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There is only Zuul.

[–]BloodRedSumo 1 point2 points ago

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That'll make a good bar story.

[–]dafones 1 point2 points ago

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Funny?

[–]atlaslugged 1 point2 points ago

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That hunting knife must have been pissed.

[–]hellboi 7 points8 points ago

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umm...how many people here think the next CoD or BF should take place in libya? Have him in the game as a playable character and Gaddafi as the villain....Headshot!

[–]nationalism2 12 points13 points ago

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modern warfare? in the desert? woo can't wait!

[–]ocularsinister2 2 points3 points ago

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If this is true then... wow. Just... wow. Either that guy needs a psychiatric nurse or a medal. I'm not sure which. Maybe both.

[–]herpasaurus 2 points3 points ago

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I see you've played tanky knifey before.

[–]izeuz 1 point2 points ago

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RAMIREZ!!!

[–]ericthecro 8 points9 points ago

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Well, I see everyone seems to be conveniently forgetting the fact that you're fucking laughing at someone's death.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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Do we have to go over this every time something funny happens that is related to something tragic, reddit?

Just because there is death involved, does not mean we are laughing at someone's death.

In this instance, we are laughing because the circumstances of someone's death is similar to a popular humorous meme. That's where the humor comes from. Not "Haha, someone died!"

Learn how humor works.

[–]Seawolf87 9 points10 points ago

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He's not in MY monkeysphere

[–]Edman274 10 points11 points ago

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"Now that's what I call breakneck speed!"

"Mom, a man just died"

[–]LoganCale 51 points52 points ago

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Someone fighting for an evil regime.

[–]alletta 82 points83 points ago

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The enemy? His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is, where he came from. And if he was really evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home. If he would not rather have stayed there ... in peace. War will make corpses of us all.

[–]cylon_agent 66 points67 points ago

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Nice try, Faramir

[–]B_is_for_Buddha 6 points7 points ago

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This...only really works when the sides are split among mere national boundaries.

Not deep moral conflicts like this current one.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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What is this from? Did you write it?

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Faramir says it in Lord of the Rings.

[–]BrendanTheNavigator 1 point2 points ago

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It's by Faramir in The Two Towers movie.

[–]Confucius_says 6 points7 points ago

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You do realize that to the "evil regime" that the protestors are the "evil regime" while they are the honorable soldiers protecting what it is right.

I don't think too many people go into battle thinking that they are the bad guys and that their enemy are the good guys.

[–]dirtyfrank12 2 points3 points ago

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FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR'D

[–]ericthecro 13 points14 points ago

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You have no idea what his story is. And you fail to realize that much of the world sees "us" as evil. It's all relative. Life and death is not.

[–]raptosaurus 22 points23 points ago

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Yeah, but Gaddafi is actually evil. Bombing his own people? Hitting them with artillery? Vowing to spill the blood of every Libyan before he surrenders? An elitel guard of bodacious females? Hell the man is a real life evil villain. Although some of the things America does is evil too. But saying that we can't definitively say what is evil is what lends power to religion's perceived moral high ground.

But I do agree that this particular person may not have been evil, just following orders.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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An elitel guard of bodacious females?

Actually that one part is real life awesome.

[–]Confucius_says 2 points3 points ago

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he's like the charlie sheen of presidents.

[–]zzorga 1 point2 points ago

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[–]OfficerMudkip 5 points6 points ago

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Libyans are all vampires. WHERE IS YOUR MORALITY NOW.

[–]LoganCale 4 points5 points ago

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When the person agreed to follow those orders, he became complicit in the wrongdoings of the regime. If he was misinformed by the regime and truly believed Gaddafi's lies about defense against foreign invaders, etc., then it is unfortunate that he was killed, but still morally justified.

[–]raptosaurus 2 points3 points ago

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If this were the case, a lot of American deaths in Iraq would have been morally justifiable.

He may well have just been following orders so that he and his family weren't killed.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]strangeanatomy 1 point2 points ago

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To every comment above this one: Thus is war.

[–]erichiro 2 points3 points ago

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his story was he decided to get in a fucking tank to fucking kill some people, not that complicated

[–]ericthecro 6 points7 points ago

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So did many, many Americans...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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So they're evil fuckers too... not complicated

[–]rmm45177 1 point2 points ago

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Aren't you curious as to what would have happened if he refused to do that?

[–]ericthecro 1 point2 points ago

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Imagine if someone wrote a "My father or husband died in the Libyan civil war AMA".

Then reddit would be all "I'm sorry for your loss" and "First let me say how brave you are to blah blah".

[–]mexicodoug 4 points5 points ago

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Depends on the Redditor and the situation described.

Reddit includes more than one person, and one of the more interesting things about the comments section is that many of us disagree.

In other words, you're totally wrong and need to start actually reading the goddamn comments sections instead of making these blanket assumptions about what I would say.

[–]LoganCale 1 point2 points ago

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It's possible to console family members, who are not bad people by association (they could be bad people too, but they're not bad just because someone they know or are related to is) without supporting the person in question.

Additionally, your statement could apply to either someone on Gaddafi's side or the rebellion, or just a civilian caught up in the middle. So it would really depend what side said hypothetical dead person was on.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Why can't death be funny?

[–]Sophophilic 1 point2 points ago

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Quite likely he was a merc brought in for the specific purpose of killing the civilians.

[–]NitWit005 1 point2 points ago

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And? What bad thing will occur as a result? Will someone be harmed somehow?

You do realize that humor is partly a way to cope with how much the world sucks right? It's natural that a lot of jokes have to do with suffering and violence. That's not a bad thing. Get over it.

[–]Mass_Impact 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, yes I am.

[–]kinjelly 1 point2 points ago

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comando pro unlocked like a boss

[–]ptsaq 1 point2 points ago

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What are you hunting with that sword, The ancient Gauls?

[–]TheGoshDarnedBatman 2 points3 points ago

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I hope somebody said "HUMILIATION" after he did it.

[–]eMan117 0 points1 point ago

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i went through a rush of different emotions after seeing this, i first thought it hilarious, then crazy, then sad. :s

[–]Nirosu 0 points1 point ago

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Drive by knifing what's next.

[–]supersavage 0 points1 point ago

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best [fixed] i've ever seen. usually I am radically against this type of karma whoring, but job well done.

[–]NASA_Cowboy 0 points1 point ago

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Not fixed. Just a follow up.