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all 167 comments

[–]Klause 61 points62 points ago

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I watched a show on Discovery channel a while ago where they were investigation baby dolphins and porpoises that had been beaten to death. In the end they established that bottle nosed dolphins were committing infanticide by ramming into them with their noses, for unknown reasons.

Scientists theorize that dolphins can sense where vital organs are with echolocation (usually a spot on the neck) and quickly kill their victims by targeting them and ramming them with their strong "beaks."

Sorry if I ruined the humor of this .gif for you, but in all likelihood the attacking dolphin was attempting to kill the dolphin it rammed, or injure it and exile it from the group, which is known dolphin behavior. To me, it looks like the dolphin goes unconscious after it is hit in the neck.

[–]IsJoke 19 points20 points ago

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What the humans fail to realize, is that dolphins have been locked in combat since the dawn of their species. The prophecies foretell of the day when the last two dolphins battle to the death. The victor will transcend the sea, to become ruler of all above it. He will rule the tallest mountain tops, he will become the...

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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...the fresh prince of bel air

[–]BigLlamasHouse 1 point2 points ago

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either that or The Highlander

[–]essendoubleop 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Suckage 1 point2 points ago

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Please, go on.

[–]IsJoke 5 points6 points ago

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No more post, there can be only one.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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GASP! He's been killed... and there's BEAKMARKS!

[–]shizitz 0 points1 point ago

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your comment reminded me of this ucb

[–]splicerslicer 25 points26 points ago

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. . . now I'm sad.

[–]santeeass 0 points1 point ago

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the hit dolphin is no infant, so it's not sad. it's not AS sad.

it's still pretty hilarious, though. i love seeing other animals' senses of humor. total dick move, to be sure. but beautiful in its own right.

[–]chthonical 7 points8 points ago

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I have a proposition for the whaling community. You can capture dolphins for human consumption, but only if those dolphins are murderers.

[–]YesNoMaybe 9 points10 points ago

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Proven in a dolphin murder trial of course.

[–]Pushkin23 7 points8 points ago

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Which is better than a kangaroo court, that's for sure.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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dont think dolphin meat will satisfy whale-eaters..

[–]12358 0 points1 point ago

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DNA tests have found that dolphin meat is often sold in Japan, illegally labeled as whale meat.

[–]dp85 4 points5 points ago

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If two dolphins collide head first, and get knocked unconscious, do they drown? I'm mindfucked.

[–]away8907 6 points7 points ago

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Yup

[–]foebea 0 points1 point ago

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Unless they are on land.

[–]away8907 3 points4 points ago

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I'd love for SIDT to poke his head in here for that one!

[–]BiggiesOnMyShorty 0 points1 point ago

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uh yeah cuz they breathe air.

[–]Stu8912 1 point2 points ago*

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I'm confused. If dolphins have an urge to kill AND it can be done so easily just by bumping them in the neck, it seems dolphins would eventually kill each other off or evolution would eventually tell them never to jump out of the water around other dolphins or get close to other dolphins without there guard up. Its like if there was no anarchy in the world and I could be killed just by some guy kicking me in the chin. I'm staying away from everybody.

[–]gordonj 0 points1 point ago

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Don't you think that it might have happened because the 3rd dolphin lost track of the 2nd one when it left the water? Once the 2nd was out of echo location range, the 3rd one would have no way of knowing where the first one was. It's probably about the only way dolphins would accidentally bump into each other.

[–]BiggiesOnMyShorty 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphin number 2 jumps and aims towards dolphin 1. Dolphin 3 blocked him. Most likely two males competing for a female (dolphin 1).

[–]uttamb22 0 points1 point ago

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Are you talking about.......

NINJA DOLPHINS???

[–]dregan 0 points1 point ago

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Here's a ray of hope: echolocation's effectiveness is severely diminished outside of the water. F

[–]reddkoto 33 points34 points ago

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Do you think he did it on porpoise?

[–]NothingsShocking 9 points10 points ago

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Unfortunately, nobottle nose why.

[–]butternaught 3 points4 points ago

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I sea no fin wrong here.

[–]flacomattman 1 point2 points ago

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I hate to be the tail end of pun threads..

[–]Nicebirdie 2 points3 points ago

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Water you guys talking about? Oh I get it it's a wave of puns.

[–]geauxtig3rs 0 points1 point ago

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That was too violent. If he was mad, he should have just flipperd him off.

[–]Neebat 0 points1 point ago

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I think he was trying to add height to the other dolphin's jump. Something fishy about the headline.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]food_stamp 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah... when I saw it I was thinking that either killed the dolphin instantly or knocked him out cold and he drowned.

[–]lexi_con -1 points0 points ago

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I came here to say that. Carry on.

[–]Narcoat 80 points81 points ago

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What was the 3rd dolphin thinking? I mean pardon my rudeness, but that was about the dumbest thing it could have possibly chosen to do next to jumping away from the boat. They clearly see that "okay, the boat is moving, lets jump at it." I'm not suggesting anything unreasonable of this dolphin, I mean its colleagues seemed to have no trouble whatsoever realizing that a distance jump would keep them in pace with the boat, get a good view of the boat, and look good.

But no, instead the third decided to jump in the wrong direction, straight up. In addition, it had to go and ruin a perfectly good jump that would've been great had it been executed successfully.

Hypothetical question, but what could have possibly happened when the dolphin jumped in the air in that direction? It lands back in the water, presumably bottom first with no forward momentum, whatsoever.

[–]rhod0psin 57 points58 points ago

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I assume, what with them being notoriously violent animals, that it was really just trying to fuck with that majestic, arcing second dolphin.

[–]evileddy 31 points32 points ago

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Jerk Dolphin: "heh.. they are filming this.. I'm gonna go ram the shit outta Francis on camera.. BONSAAAAAAAAII MUTHERFUCKER!!"

[–]artman 28 points29 points ago

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Bonsai - Puny Tree

Banzai - Battle Cry

-still cracked me up though

[–]Yimmy42 13 points14 points ago

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Would a dolphin know that?

[–]Melons 10 points11 points ago

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They're smarter than we think.

[–]mycatdieddamnit 6 points7 points ago

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Thanks for all the fish!

[–]Davdak 2 points3 points ago

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I've been playing Medal of Honor: Pacific Assault and keep hearing "Bonsai charge!" and keep thinking about the trees. It's a very pathetic mental image, really.

[–]evileddy 0 points1 point ago

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I sit here corrected sir!!

[–]CJstuck 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote for 'Francis'. From this point forward, every rammed dolphin goes by this name. The jerk dolphin - he's obviously a Lenny.

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 5 points6 points ago

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Oh, come on, that was just an upvote in action.

[–]rhod0psin 3 points4 points ago

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ORANGE DOLPHIN!

[–]Bengt77 4 points5 points ago

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ORANGERED DOLPHIN!

Fixed that for you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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ORANGE RED.

[–]Bengt77 1 point2 points ago*

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Many people seem to disagree with you. Proof: orange red (less than 10.000 hits) versus orangered (about 134.000 hits).

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Oh I wasn't correcting you. I just noticed it for the first time and that was the only way I could think of communicating that.

[–]Bengt77 0 points1 point ago

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Okay, sorry. I misunderstood. Carry on, then.

[–]bobbo1701 20 points21 points ago

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I think what was meant to happen was exactly what happened.

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points ago

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Agreed, Dolphins are smart as fuck bro. Dolphin 3 saw a perfect time to get revenge on Dolphin 2 for dophinfucking his dolphin wife and he took it.

[–]fatdaddy1954 5 points6 points ago

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upvote for "dophinfucking his dolphin wife" LOL

[–]NlNTENDO 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, that was the joke. Was funnier the first time, but it brings back good memories of reading it 30 seconds ago.

[–]every1 1 point2 points ago

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I literally Lol'd. I have to find a way to use this in conversation

[–]Bengt77 6 points7 points ago

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I actually didn't laugh out loud. It was merely a grin. But I liked it, nonetheless. Which is a great word, by the way. Nonetheless, I mean, not grin. Well, that too. Hey, and you know what? You're a great guy! And so are you! And so are, oh sorry, you are a great gal! Yes, really. Hey, and your wife is great, too! Yeah, for real. And I should know, because I just dolphinfucked her. Is there a problem?

[–]7ypo 18 points19 points ago

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geraffes are so dumb

[–]BiggiesOnMyShorty -2 points-1 points ago

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edit: spelling

[–]selectrix 7 points8 points ago

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Dolphins are plenty smart enough to do things for the lulz.

[–]EducatdInsolince 8 points9 points ago

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I think your questioning of the third dolphin's intelligence (sanity?) made me laugh more than the gif itself. Good work.

[–]GenericAsianGuy 2 points3 points ago

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I think Narcoat is the third dolphin! Don't underestimate dolphins!

[–]BDS_UHS 10 points11 points ago

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Dolphins are smart as fuck bro.

Well they are the second most intelligent species on Earth, after mice.

[–]Bengt77 1 point2 points ago

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I smell a question in there somewhere. I don't know the answer to it, though.

[–]InherentlyEvil 5 points6 points ago

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Um...that would be 42.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Malabo 1 point2 points ago

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I said before, THIS IS NOT YOUR JOB!

[–]icknick 2 points3 points ago

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I think it was telling the others that its not a good idea to hang around humans and stop acting a fool!

[–]Frix 1 point2 points ago

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stop acting a fool!

He's one to talk!

[–]icknick 0 points1 point ago

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Who's fooling around here?

[–]Frix 1 point2 points ago

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the third dolphin of course

[–]agentcrf250 0 points1 point ago

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Wasn't "Who" one First?

[–]Frix 0 points1 point ago

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Who's on first?

[–]RadicalMuslim 0 points1 point ago

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Naturally.

[–]Frix -1 points0 points ago

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And who's on second then?

[–]xebo 1 point2 points ago

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This is the exact transcript of the aquatic, post-boat-chase meeting that the dolphins held

Yes, laser pointers and power-point were used.

[–]STEVEHOLT27 0 points1 point ago

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I appreciate the fact that you're criticizing a dolphin in such a tough, uncompromising way. They've had it too good for too long.

[–]Javlington -1 points0 points ago

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I read that in David Mitchell's voice.

[–]bonertroll -1 points0 points ago

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dolphins have big boners!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Suckage 0 points1 point ago

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No, You can't.

[–]CS989 5 points6 points ago

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Dolphins...the dicks of the sea

[–]trevorsg 0 points1 point ago

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The dolphins are all phonies. They seem nice enough at first. They pretend to be your friend until they see you at your worst, and then they leave you. Without a word they swim away.

-Jonathan Coulton

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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What an awesomely odd quote.

[–]_Toranaga_ 0 points1 point ago

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It's a lyric from a song about a depressed giant squid. But yeah. It's an awesomely odd song :)

[–]dp85 0 points1 point ago

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lemmings...nature's RETARD

[–]aDildoAteMyBaby 0 points1 point ago

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[–]dp85 -1 points0 points ago

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[–]Quej 8 points9 points ago

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Dolphin Punch!

[–]S1ayer 3 points4 points ago

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Shoryuken!!!

[–]panda-est-ici 2 points3 points ago

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[–]wicket146 9 points10 points ago

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Before clicking on the link, DAE think this was going to be the video of that owl getting kicked for the 100th time?

[–]Cayou 4 points5 points ago

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An owl got kicked 100 times? Was this a World Record attempt?

[–]h0ser 2 points3 points ago

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naw just 99 times, this was going to be the 100th, but it wasn't.

[–]TheMeatball 1 point2 points ago

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I thought it was going to be that guy juggling geese...

[–]PlutodaPlanet 2 points3 points ago

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Ecco would never have done that

[–]fabbs 8 points9 points ago

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Dont karma-whore on c-c-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker. Please.

[–]Crasty 8 points9 points ago

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I know I've been redditing too much when I recognize a repost from months ago. And the C-C-C-C Combo breaker! title was much better.

[–]Damanta 2 points3 points ago

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months ago.

Get of mah lawn!

[–]fabbs -1 points0 points ago

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Yes, titles like that you remember. Titles like this... makes you puke while walking backwards. The non-talent of a reposter troll should not be on the front page. Meep meep.

[–]IsJoke 1 point2 points ago

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c-c-c-combo beaker!

Cause he tried to kill him with his beak. IS FUNNY!

[–]MaeveningErnsmau 0 points1 point ago

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Enthuse unto OhHai.

[–]cdemps62 5 points6 points ago

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First Dolphin: WEEEEE!

Second Dolphin: WEEEEE!

Third Dolphin: DURRRRRRRRR!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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John Madden style BOOM

[–]HeroOfCanton 1 point2 points ago

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"See if you can get one of these dolphins to swim under the hull and give us a look."

"Nah. Either they can't hear us, or they don't understand."

"Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins."

[–]daddydidncare 1 point2 points ago

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the fine line between grace and derp has been found.

[–]ritromango 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like a revenge move to me, that dude was clearly irritated. Probably something he said underwater

[–]Zmodem 1 point2 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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not smart or majestic

[–]LordDamodred 1 point2 points ago

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I'm sure there was a good reason for it. After all, dolphins are the second most intelligent species on Earth. As humans are the third most intelligent, we probably wouldn't understand.

[–]leftsideright 1 point2 points ago

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I imagined a John Madden style commentary.

And here comes the dolphin to attack his buddy... POINK

[–]raziphel 0 points1 point ago

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don't forget to draw lines and circles all over the .gif

[–]TheBeardedAnus 1 point2 points ago

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BOINK!

[–]Ruzzle 1 point2 points ago

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For a sec I tought somebody made a Gif of a owl kicking footballplayer

[–]CaptainDexterMorgan 1 point2 points ago

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I would be so pissed if I was that penguin

[–]aphemix 0 points1 point ago

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what the fuck are you talking about? That's a hammerhead shark.

[–]gonzothefrog 0 points1 point ago

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FUCK YOU WHALE AND A FUCK YOU DOLPHRIN!!!!!!!

[–]flash84x 1 point2 points ago

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This makes me wonder. If your friend is a dolphin. Is he your Dolphriend?

[–]gonzothefrog 0 points1 point ago

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south park

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Obviously he did it on porpoise.

[–]SirToki 0 points1 point ago

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He had it coming...

[–]Amygdala48 0 points1 point ago

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That never happened in dolphin olympics..

[–]xandertheblue 0 points1 point ago

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Never jump in on Ryu Dolphin.

[–]yummycoffee 0 points1 point ago

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so long and thanks for all the fish!!

[–]StJudas 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphins have their own tards and assholes obviously.

[–]silenti 0 points1 point ago

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"Wheeee!"
"Whee-"
"Derp!"

[–]tagbadger 0 points1 point ago

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And I thought dolphins were graceful. That was like the 3 stooges.

[–]bearssuck 0 points1 point ago

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This makes me want to play Dolphin Olympics 2.

[–]sporkyspoony88 0 points1 point ago

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Shoryuken!

[–]Lil_Red_Riding_Hood 0 points1 point ago

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Repost but still hilarious so I'll let it slide... upvote

[–]lakerfan91 0 points1 point ago

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you're a jerk

i know

you're a jerk

i know

[–]spongeflo 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphins are gay sharks

[–]margarineplaydough 0 points1 point ago

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it didnt do it on porpoise

[–]Kidsturk 0 points1 point ago

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I thought dolphins were supposed to be intelligent?

The second dolphin keeps trying it, and the third dolphin keeps punching him in the gut. Over and over. He doesn't learn.

[–]adamwho 0 points1 point ago

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More of a prick than a jerk....

[–]elsheldono 0 points1 point ago

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shoryuken!

[–]rcpongo 0 points1 point ago

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yea definitely a jerk,... I've been watching this for an hour now and he keeps doing it over and over!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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"HEY! AM I DOIN IT RIGHT? GUYS? GUYS??"

[–]MeGrimlock4 0 points1 point ago

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Sneak attack!

[–]xebo 0 points1 point ago

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you should see how they treat other sea mammals. They're assholes to everyone but us dude.

I wonder why we're the exception

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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yum, Tuna.

[–]DarkoftheMoon 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphins are a graceful species.

[–]txduck420 0 points1 point ago

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that dolphin got straight murdered

[–]Pushkin23 0 points1 point ago

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He got dolphin-blocked.

[–]HZAres 0 points1 point ago

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shoryuken!!!

[–]lafurniturestores 0 points1 point ago

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DOLPHIN DICK PUNCH

[–]CerberusN9 0 points1 point ago

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SHOR~YU~KEN!!! K.O!!

[–]AmnesiaCane 0 points1 point ago

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I guess you could say that dolphin just got... schooled?

[–]aphemix 0 points1 point ago

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if I were a dolphin, I would be that dolphin.

[–]Codiak 0 points1 point ago

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That dolphin trolled this guys video. NATURE TROLL

[–]h0ser 0 points1 point ago

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That must've hurt the dolphin a lot. Dolphins have been known to kill sharks by ramming them with their bottle nose.

[–]slagahthor 0 points1 point ago

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That. Was. Awesome. Haha

[–]ModularToil 0 points1 point ago

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So graceful...

[–]Slain_Prophet_Ov_Isa 0 points1 point ago

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I lol'd

[–]jglab 0 points1 point ago

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That looks painful!

[–]forbesholden 0 points1 point ago

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It gets funnier everytime I watch it!

[–]mihello 0 points1 point ago

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Does anyone else hear the thump/slap when they collide? or have I lost it?

[–]A_Wild_Missingno -2 points-1 points ago

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Bullshit, why do I ALWAYS spend 10 minutes watching nothing and then suspense builds then LAGJUMP straight past the lulz. God dammit every time, especially in gifs and 30 second youtube videos that have the first 28 seconds filming nothing, then, suddenly, everything. And guess what, you can't skip back to 0:27 because it warps you back to 0 and then the whole video gets nuked and you don't get to see ANYTHING.

[–]PrivateEyeball -1 points0 points ago

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Man, I love fish wars.

[–]12y4ncubensis 0 points1 point ago

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whale

[–]Ramjack -1 points0 points ago

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TAG!

[–]darkangelx -1 points0 points ago

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pwnt~

[–]brainskins -1 points0 points ago

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Scumbag Dolphin.

[–]EX-COBOL-PROGRAMMER -1 points0 points ago

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I reckon he done it on porpoise.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

[–]_user_name_ -3 points-2 points ago

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I lol'd in the middle of class, i couldn't help it

[–]Upvote_and_STFU 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Subbie138 -5 points-4 points ago

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C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!