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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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top 200 commentsshow all 474

[–]poiro 306 points307 points ago

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Wait. Who took the picture?

[–][deleted] 629 points630 points ago

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Person at next table over.

[–]ani625 240 points241 points ago

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Or the waiter. They're nice people.

[–]LostPhenom 124 points125 points ago

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Or his date. Notice the empty chair and extra plates of food.

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 238 points239 points ago

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She was really falling for him too.

[–]AnArcher 138 points139 points ago

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At least she understood the gravity of the situation.

[–]DesertSherpa 52 points53 points ago

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She is DTF

[–]smoothieguy 40 points41 points ago

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down to fall?

[–]bammbamm85 24 points25 points ago

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Diving to fuck

[–]pr1ntscreen 92 points93 points ago

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WHO WAS CAMERA?!

[–]DarkLightx19 18 points19 points ago

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Superman

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 6 points7 points ago

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Superman is dead. Long live God.

[–]bumfromthefuture 5 points6 points ago

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Hey by the way you aren't Kim Jong Il's sunglasses. Just the heads up when you find out in the FUTURE

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 2 points3 points ago

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This better not be directed by M. Night Shy... holy shit I'm a monocle! Thanks for the spoiler alert asshole.

[–]bumfromthefuture 2 points3 points ago

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We've had this convo in the past.

[–]duckcomander 1 point2 points ago

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this guy's Name... HA!

[–]MightyTribble 11 points12 points ago

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WHY IS BEAR SKYDIVING?!

[–]vilgrain 1 point2 points ago

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This comment and parent, must be read in Russian accent

[–]m0nkeybl1tz 26 points27 points ago

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Les Stroud.

[–]Cosmic_Charlie 16 points17 points ago

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Brilliant. And related

[–]Ianuam 1 point2 points ago

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Meanwhile Ray Mears has a fully stocked cabin in the wilderness already made from scratch.

[–]turnusb 21 points22 points ago

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Phone

[–]mikechml 18 points19 points ago

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[–]ashwinmudigonda 14 points15 points ago

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Oh! I thought it was Bear Grylls drinking his piss. No?

[–]wraith_majestic 1 point2 points ago

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I saw this question and this was the first thing that came to mind. Glad I wasnt alone.

[–]xev105 1 point2 points ago

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Came here to say "HIS OWN PISS!"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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SITTING ON CHAIR MIDAIR

BOTTLE NOT OPEN

BETTER DRINK MY OWN PISS

[–]masterpat 44 points45 points ago

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Relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pErHfGv9gRA

The bottle was glued down or otherwise attached to the table. Notice how it doesn't fall when they jump over the side. Fake bottle is fake

[–]few 14 points15 points ago

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Best post in this thread.

I'm surprised that many redditors didn't realized it was a bottle of Mumm on the table. I'm even more surprised that some redditors didn't realize the champagne wasn't open. But what really confused me is why someone would have a bottle of champagne at altitude. If he did try to open it, the pressure difference would probably make the cork pop out explosively. Aside from having to contend with the risk of a falling champagne bottle (~3.5 pounds).

Even more confusing is the lack of the other person with whom he is supposed to be eating, and the table being straight despite having all the weight on one side of the platform. I'm pretty sure this photo is shopped even though they really did perform the stunt. If so, why not have a second person at the table and actually be drinking the champagne?

[–]Atario 1 point2 points ago

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Come to think of it...what was the point of that whole stunt, anyway?

[–]joshhammock 44 points45 points ago

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[–]niblot1 603 points604 points ago

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Bought the cheap champagne by mistake? ... Better drink my own piss!

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 89 points90 points ago

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Bottle of champagne: $25

Glass full of own piss: Priceless

For every thing else, there are animals and plants.

[–]ani625 8 points9 points ago

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It's always THE FUCKIN' WORMS.

[–]keepinithamsta 5 points6 points ago

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[–]LuridTeaParty 1 point2 points ago

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[–]scottharden 3 points4 points ago

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Actually, I think the champagne costs about $60.00

http://www.google.com/search?q=G.H.MUMM+Grand+Cru&tbs=shop:1

[–]UnicycleDiaries 263 points264 points ago

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[–]thepepsichallenge 179 points180 points ago

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No corkscrew? Better drink champagne as it requires no corkscrew!

[–]UnicycleDiaries 219 points220 points ago

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[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

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Half tempted to do "I may not always drink when skydiving..."

Alas, pressed for time today.

[–]tyrghast 45 points46 points ago

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"But when I do, I prefer my own piss. Stay thirsty my friends."

[–]fapsmith 17 points18 points ago

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I once had to save a friend's mother from opening a bottle of champagne with a corkscrew. That could've ended tragically.

[–]rocketbootkid 17 points18 points ago

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It may be piss, but it looks pretty clear to me. Maybe we've got this all wrong. Maybe he's got such efficient kidneys that he urinates water and the whole "better drink my own piss" deal is a massive troll of people in survival situations. In which case he's a bit of a dick.

[–]gregory_k 39 points40 points ago

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Clear piss just means you're well-hydrated. The darker it is, the more dehydrated you are.

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 77 points78 points ago

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In which case, better drink your own piss.

[–]orange_jooze 1 point2 points ago

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It's just that those liquids have gone through him so many times, they have become completely distillated.

[–]random314 1 point2 points ago

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Urine trouble.

[–]anexanhume 237 points238 points ago

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Fizzy lifting drink, of course.

[–]strychnos 92 points93 points ago

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It's all there - black and white, clear as crystal.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

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He STOLE fizzy lifting drinks!

[–]propagationofsound 41 points42 points ago

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He bumped into a ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilised!

[–]halfajacob 70 points71 points ago

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So you get NOTHING! You LOSE! Good Day Sir!

[–]bossgalaga 22 points23 points ago

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I said GOOD DAY!

[–]tstoreyisaboss 1 point2 points ago

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[–]histumness 10 points11 points ago

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Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!

[–]trevorfiasco 5 points6 points ago

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You win, you did the hard part that I couldn't remember.

[–]histumness 3 points4 points ago

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Full disclosure: I did use IMDB.

[–]radiantwave 1 point2 points ago

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[1] Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum = "The torch of glory kindles the mind"

[2] Memo bis punitor delicatum = Gibberish. Possibly should be Nemo bis punitus delictis [eisdem], which means "No one [shall be] punished twice for the [same] offenses."

[–]propagationofsound 33 points34 points ago

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[–]kimnastics 18 points19 points ago

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I really don't understand why people downvote "Reference" posts. I come across things every once in a while on reddit that I don't get and i appreciate when there's a reference post. Carry on, good sir.

[–]HitTheGymAndLawyerUp 19 points20 points ago

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Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:

I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!

It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

[–]gwynjudd 7 points8 points ago

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If Slugworth wants a gobstopper, he'll get one.

[–]captainnsourpatch 10 points11 points ago

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Never a miscommunication.

[–]ohSeeBiscuit 102 points103 points ago

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[–]preggit 154 points155 points ago

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Broke a world record....better drink my own piss.

[–]dclowd9901 30 points31 points ago

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So, I'm reading these, and there's a lot of charities attached to the attempts... Maybe we should back off the guy a bit...

[–]FrDax 29 points30 points ago

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I agree. Say what you will about his show (which he openly admits is mostly staged), but the guy has done some really cool stuff. Youngest Brit to climb Everest (23), first to cross the North Atlantic in a raft... I mean, how do you get drinking water in the middle of the Atlantic ocean?

[–]haikuupbutt 16 points17 points ago

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[–]mrrabies 6 points7 points ago

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what in the actual fuck

why you do this

why you so gross, bear?

[–]orange_jooze 5 points6 points ago

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Relevant username.

[–]this_is_interest_me 2 points3 points ago

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congrats on earning the biggest WTF upvote of the day

[–]SomethingWonderful 3 points4 points ago

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Oh, I know! He must drink his own...

I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction. ;-)

[–]gatz 1 point2 points ago

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What would he need water for?

[–]Sylph 17 points18 points ago

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Children in Africa don't have clean drinking water.. they'd better drink their own piss.

[–]smpx 7 points8 points ago

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Well, I don't think anyone here really denies that what he does for a living is actually difficult. Yes, he stages a lot of it, but I don't think he's actually incapable of it.

It doesn't make pee jokes any less funny.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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He also climbed Everest.

[–]UsingYourWifi 1 point2 points ago

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I've been involved with a Bear Grylls-related project (I never met him, but I took orders from people who worked with him regularly) and he is a very giving person, and really big on education.

[–]TandemSegue 6 points7 points ago

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That explains the salad fork

[–]ericlikesyou 4 points5 points ago

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From the link:

To train for the event, he made over 200 parachute jumps.

What?

[–]EverGlow89 2 points3 points ago

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"I wanna make sure I set this record. I should risk my life 200 times before I try it.

[–]User38691 1 point2 points ago

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Is a parachute jump really something in which you risk your life?

[–]shanedoth 1 point2 points ago

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The risks involved in parachuting are very real to him, since he's experienced it - a parachute failure cost him an 18 month rehab and his military career.

[–]GeneralRimjoy 3 points4 points ago

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Using the British Flag as a tablecloth, no less.

[–]CC440 2 points3 points ago

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I'm guessing if he opened the champagne it would go flat in seconds from the lack of air pressure at that altitude. That means fizz everywhere all over his electronics and other things he's trying to use to stay alive.

[–]hitlersshit 1 point2 points ago

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Is that who this guy is?

[–]Instant_Awesome 26 points27 points ago

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He finished the last bottle and threw it over his shoulder.

[–]dubman42 12 points13 points ago

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and then drank his piss.

[–]SupermarketSweep 1 point2 points ago

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You always need a backup bottle.

[–]ShiningRayde 148 points149 points ago

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He distilled the clouds, he is drinking Earth's Tears in their purest form, a decadence and frivolity that one would expect from such a man as-

Naw, I'm just fucking with ya.

It's piss.

[–]MrPaulHarvey 17 points18 points ago

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And now you know...

...the rest of the story.

[–]umai 77 points78 points ago

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[–]mr_jiffy 9 points10 points ago

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Wow I didn't think anybody was going to answer the question. I swear. Reddit has a serious A.D.D. problem.

[–]highboyfresh 12 points13 points ago

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I agree - like look at these 2 people! They couldn't even pay attention long enough to realize that the bottle wasn't open and it couldn't be the champagne that he is drinking.

[–]mortez1 2 points3 points ago

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Looked open to me. It was opened and then closed? The seal looks bunched up and crumpled rather than smooth and flat like in the pic umai posted. Sure sign of bottle openage!

[–]CallTheOptimist 55 points56 points ago

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I hope everything on that platform was secured, otherwise urine trouble

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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It would be a real teste of nerves

[–]ProjectMe 38 points39 points ago

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OH! OH! I KNOW THIS ONE!

[–]synthaxx 15 points16 points ago

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Four letter word, begins with "pee".

[–]aMagnu 35 points36 points ago

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Pees..?

[–]rocketsurgery 14 points15 points ago

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BEES?

[–]pocketjunkie 19 points20 points ago

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OH NO NOT THE BEES

[–]A-Type 14 points15 points ago

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NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES

[–]bleedingoutlaw28 10 points11 points ago

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What, are you going to release the hounds? Or the bees? Or the hounds with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you?

[–]hogimusPrime 2 points3 points ago

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With fricking lasers on their heads.

[–]Nickbou 2 points3 points ago

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Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

[–]iBeenie 1 point2 points ago

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[–]ieatstickers 13 points14 points ago

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BEADS?

[–]Nickbou 7 points8 points ago

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Gob's not on board.

[–]keptani 2 points3 points ago

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BEARS!

[–]Ta_Da 7 points8 points ago

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BEARS EAT BEETS. BEARS. BEETS. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

[–]ross1550 1 point2 points ago

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i see what you did there

[–]BilboBagins2010 17 points18 points ago

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the dreams of children.

[–]Herndadernda 7 points8 points ago

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The tears of those who cry about his camera crew being with him.

[–]AlbinoEatpod 20 points21 points ago

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Cloud piss

[–]kanedac 14 points15 points ago

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So...water?

[–]JabbrWockey 1 point2 points ago

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dihydrogen monoxide, distilled only from the finest oceans

[–]MananWho 7 points8 points ago

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After seeing the image, I thought I would have such a witty and unique reply to this. Then I realized that any average redditor would have the exact same obvious response.

[–]mombakkie3 9 points10 points ago

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"Here is one l opened earlier,- the one on the table is for the camera crew to polish off."

[–]gogowanderlust 3 points4 points ago

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That looks like Liev Schreiber?

[–]retinarow 5 points6 points ago

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Are you asking us or telling us?

[–]gogowanderlust 1 point2 points ago

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I was in between wondering and stating my opinion...you know, that place where you start out strong and with conviction but then by the end of the sentence just aren't as sure as you were when you started.

Perhaps the punctuation should have looked more like:

That looks like Liev Schreiber!?

[–]freemeth 1 point2 points ago

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I'm Ron Burgundy?

[–]Roninspoon 3 points4 points ago

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I think a better question is, what did he do with his date?

[–]IDisposableHero 2 points3 points ago*

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His glass was filled from the previous bottle. The one that fell out a few seconds earlier. That's the emergency reserve champaign in the shot.

[–]kilawok 3 points4 points ago

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Bottle of champagne unopened.... Better drink my own piss

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Don't have a unique comment? Better drink my own piss.

[–]from_the_sea 2 points3 points ago

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Got stood up again

Better drink my own piss

[–]udderjuice 2 points3 points ago

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His own piss.

[–]AllThatJazz 2 points3 points ago

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Wait... wait... guys.

I think I'm going to make a very funny joke here that is going to be a real knee slapper... ha ha... I can hardly stop laughing myself, but I just thought of it:

he's drinking.... ha ha...

he's drinking... ha ha ha ha ha

...his own piss!

ha ha ha ha! (gasping for air) ha ha ha.

[–]Teflonscribe 2 points3 points ago

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This comment should not have me laughing like this, lol, Ur an idiot. LMFAO.

[–]Eire3226 2 points3 points ago

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I don't have a corkscrew!!! Better drink my own piss.............

[–]BaconChapstick 2 points3 points ago

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HAVE NO CORKSCREW

BETTER DRINK MY OWN PISS

[–]TandemSegue 4 points5 points ago

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Thanks Cleverbot

[–]TheCannon 7 points8 points ago

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Obviously urine.

But who's?

[–]mrgatorboy 27 points28 points ago

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I think its a 76' Chateau de Mar Mont. A great year in urine.

[–]orange_jooze 1 point2 points ago

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I certainly appreciate a slight taste of asparagus in it.

[–]anagoge 6 points7 points ago

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*whose

[–]SouthAfricanGuy 14 points15 points ago

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Who's what?

[–]Shadax 2 points3 points ago

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Who is urine that it obviously is who's. But... WHO'S?

[–]PhillyWick 2 points3 points ago

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Who's on second, what's on third.

[–]ajl_mo 2 points3 points ago

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Who's on first, What's on second, Idontknow's on third.

Left field: Why

Center field: Because

Pitcher: Tomorrow

Catcher: Today

Shortstop: I Don't Give a Damn

source

[–]GoldenDelicious 1 point2 points ago

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This guy is just trying to appease us with our piss + mouth + Bear = obsession.

[–]gamehead200 1 point2 points ago

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Water from the clouds.

[–]X019 1 point2 points ago

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THEN WHO WAS DRINK!?

[–]dayvnightman 1 point2 points ago

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why is the flag on the table falling down? i would think it would be flying upward, especially since there are holes everywhere on the platform.

[–]tripledjr 2 points3 points ago

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Its underneath/being towed by a hot air balloon, gravity still exists. Beyond that however, it probably wasn't a real flag, but some plastic look alike molded into that shape.

[–]Fishies 1 point2 points ago

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"Oy Dave, we forgot to open the bottle"

"Fuck, we're already in the air... Just piss in it"

"If you say so.

[–]thomasutra 1 point2 points ago

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Bottle not opened, must drink own piss

[–]prettyjumbles 1 point2 points ago

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table for 2, only one set of dishes... forever alone.

[–]hoard 1 point2 points ago

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Piss?

[–]XavierMendel 1 point2 points ago

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My piss.

[–]idip 1 point2 points ago

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Elaborate.

[–]Saatan 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Ikeelu 1 point2 points ago

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Condensation

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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His own piss

[–]glorious_failure 1 point2 points ago

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Does Bear Grylls know about the piss-meme yet? I'd love to see a reaction during an interview or something; "Do you... eh... know that the internet has a saying about you?"

Then show him the pictures.

[–]TandemSegue 1 point2 points ago

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What the hell is the case behind his feet for? And while we're on the topic why are his boots laced up half-assed?

[–]darthdelicious 1 point2 points ago

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I was thinking the same thing. Those don't look like very good skydiving boots.

[–]ghibliguy 1 point2 points ago

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...his own piss.

[–]RustyRobot 1 point2 points ago

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Well at the altitude he is at, it would probably be a bad idea to open a champaign bottle up there. Lower pressure means the liquid can't hold it's carbonation as well, so it would instantly go flat and bubbles every where.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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acid rain?

[–]Stenrh 1 point2 points ago

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Bottle is open stupid!

[–]Chabs 1 point2 points ago

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PISS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]angrytroll123 1 point2 points ago

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He must be drinking photoshop

[–]WoopsYouDead 1 point2 points ago

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His own piss.

  • I wish this wasn't so buried.

[–]JackSpratts 1 point2 points ago

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fresh squeezed cloud juice, duh.

[–]thatbrentguy 1 point2 points ago

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Of course he's not drinking the champagne yet. His watch says it's not yet past a half atmosphere, and he's only just into the salad course. Also, it would be rude to start drinking while his lady friend has only just stepped out to the loo.

[–]GigaGreenhorn 1 point2 points ago

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... He's drinking his piss? ._.'

[–]nastjuid 1 point2 points ago

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Forgot my corkscrew, better drink my own piss.

[–]Razenghan 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like a fine Pee-not Noir. You can really taste the ammonia.

[–]beaverteeth92 1 point2 points ago

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His own piss?

[–]CodyOC 1 point2 points ago

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You guys are too focused on the second bottle of champagne from his nifty briefcase. He filled up his glass, took a piss, and dropped the first bottle on Sarah Palin. (obligatory piss reference included)

[–]nationalism2 1 point2 points ago

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Is opening champagne at high altitudes possibly dangerous?

[–]dossier 1 point2 points ago

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ctrl+f piss and my scroll bar lit up in about 20 dif places. Mission accomplished.

[–]fuzzb0y 1 point2 points ago

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He must have been drinking a lot of water previously, because the liquid is clear.

[–]Furbylover 1 point2 points ago

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IT'S PISS!

[–]Notsomebeans 1 point2 points ago

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Wouldn't the air be too thin to breathe at all at that altitude?

[–]bugspray 1 point2 points ago

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pee

[–]congelado 1 point2 points ago

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Pure LSD man, so you can fly high while you fly high

[–]vanpelan 1 point2 points ago

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Piss of course.

[–]ajgator7 1 point2 points ago

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If it's Brut it might as well be piss.

[–]romanlxxxvii 1 point2 points ago

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Clearly, he is bottling his own piss.

[–]AustinBrister 1 point2 points ago

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You've never bought a second bottle?

[–]Ratlord 1 point2 points ago

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It's probably just hot glue or something solid in the glass.

[–]ashep24 1 point2 points ago

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At that altitude wouldn't the pressure in the bottle cause the bottle to burst?

[–]ludachrist 1 point2 points ago

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Golden showers from above!

[–]EnderofDragon 9 points10 points ago

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Forgot corkscrew, better drink my own piss.

[–]bbiscuits 12 points13 points ago

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You don't use corkscrews for champagne. /Melvin

[–]TandemSegue 2 points3 points ago

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WTF is on his wrist

[–]mistahkurtzhedead 14 points15 points ago

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altimeter

[–]lars1984 9 points10 points ago

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Pipboy 3000

[–]Ocseemorahn 8 points9 points ago

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That's a dead ringer for the cheapest, most basic altimeter I've ever used. But very functional and the thing looked like it was at least 10 years old so they must be sturdy and hard to break.

[–]Mesquite_Skeet_Skeet 8 points9 points ago

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Flavor Flav bracelet.

[–]vrode[S] 2 points3 points ago

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I believe the red area is when you are ready to fill up another glass.

[–]Madprofeser 2 points3 points ago

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Forgot bottle opener. Better drink my own piss.

[–]purpleleash88 2 points3 points ago

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His own piss...

[–]quoteended 3 points4 points ago

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I can see a clear tube under his chin so I'm guessing he's wearing a camel pack. So the glass is probably full of water.

[–]gottobekind 22 points23 points ago

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I can see a clear tube under his chin

More than likely connected directly to a catheter. For the most direct piss sippage in given situation.