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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]forks4spoons 332 points333 points ago

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Relevant. (snopes)

Kinda true. :)

[–]the_klowne 83 points84 points ago

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Again, Australia.

[–]natalee_t 35 points36 points ago

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Yeah, that's right, don't fuck with us or we'll set our animals on you.

[–]MehNahMehNah 60 points61 points ago

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It looks to me like the snake is rescuing that mammal from drowning. Look, he's even giving it mouth-to-mouth!

[–]johnnygrant 12 points13 points ago

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The Japan of nature

[–]Jonalewie 7 points8 points ago

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How does anyone grow old there, seriously. Everything is designed to kill you.

[–]Sagerian 2 points3 points ago

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These snakes live in Australia?

[–]Alobis 52 points53 points ago

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˙ɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ ɯoɹɟ ɯ,ı

˙ǝɹǝɥ ǝʌıן pǝǝpuı op sǝʞɐus ǝsǝɥʇ

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Everything poisonous and evil lives in Australia. Even the bunnies in Australia have toxic spines. Man-eating crocodiles have been known to hop up to three meters from insidiously camouflaged positions on people's lawns. Blue-ringed octopuses that shoot deadly spines from their hideouts inside toilet bowls are not uncommon. Cows have venomous fangs. Even some of the people will sting you.

Don't fuck with Australia.

[–]wallychamp 5 points6 points ago

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TL;DR Australia: We've got all of nature's criminals, too.

[–]fross 7 points8 points ago

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Don't forget the drop bears.

[–]natalee_t 13 points14 points ago

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Whoa dude. Drop bears scare the shit outta me. A mate and I were walking through the bush once then BAM drop bear landed on him. Didn't even see it coming. Poor bastard.

[–]Alobis 3 points4 points ago

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We have spiders that eat birds too.

[–]Black_Ash_Heir 133 points134 points ago

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How could anyone ever think that was a cow? I mean, I had no idea that it was a wallaby, but I would never have said it was a cow. Get it together, human beings.

[–]anyletter 118 points119 points ago

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Poor Rocko.

[–]silence_is_golden 12 points13 points ago

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That, and the "man eater" sub heading. Christ.

[–]tallwill514 30 points31 points ago

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Fwd:Re:FWD:FW:RE: Wallaby-eating snake eating a cow! WHAT A MAN EATER!

[–]Rabbito_17 15 points16 points ago

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I thought it was a hippo, being in the water and all.

[–]Ikarus3426 9 points10 points ago

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Oh it's not a cow like nobody thought, it's a wallaby. I actually feel worse now that any possibility of this being fake is gone.

[–]NorFla 11 points12 points ago

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So that's what happened to Rocko's Modern Life!

[–]coolgymnast 825 points826 points ago

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This isn't true. These snakes actually prefer humans much like the ones of your size. Don't worry though, they only reside under beds.

[–]xchrisxsays 707 points708 points ago*

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This will help OP sleep at night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkWOEp_KSks

Edit: xchrisxsays uses sneak attack. It's super effective.

[–]hyperlite415 231 points232 points ago

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I don't ever have physical reactions to things that aren't IRL. But this, this scared me shitless.

[–]Ip_man 341 points342 points ago

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I don't always physically react to snakes striking the camera.

But when I do, I poop a little.

[–]DeerskinGaliham 102 points103 points ago

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When I'm scared, I don't always poop a little, but when I do, I poop a lot.

[–]TheEllimist 4 points5 points ago

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Wow, thanks for warning me. I'm sitting here at my desk drinking a full cup of hot coffee. That would have been bad.

[–]wildinthestreets 16 points17 points ago

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Dang, thats......sca...poops a lot

[–]Overgoat 16 points17 points ago

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Whats the big deal-- HOLY CRAP!

[–]anyletter 156 points157 points ago

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FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT!

[–]Tarv2 72 points73 points ago

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Yup. Fuck this. I'm done with internet for today.

[–]NickyNichols 7 points8 points ago

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Fuck that! I'm staying on the internet; i'm not going outside for shit!

[–]tobiov 40 points41 points ago

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Read comments, don't watch

[–]whysoserial 41 points42 points ago

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RC; DW

[–]OopsLostPassword 16 points17 points ago

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If you're not especially afraid of snakes, you can look at it safely. It's a short, predictable and not gross movie. Just don't hold a coffee mug while looking.

[–]kovalchuck80 9 points10 points ago

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Didn't read comments. Did watch. Learned lesson.

[–]Solacina 2 points3 points ago

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I like snakes, but I will be following this advice.

[–]ampersandss 60 points61 points ago

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Should I upvote due to awesome, or downvote do to permanent psychological damage...

EDIT: Screw it, upvoted.

[–]hbeck13 83 points84 points ago

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everything is ruined forever.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago

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shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.

[–]Currimos 37 points38 points ago

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fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

[–]zorroclinton 44 points45 points ago

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nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.

[–][deleted] 122 points123 points ago

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fap.fap.fap.fap.fap.fap.fap.fap.

[–]melkislove 65 points66 points ago

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what is wrong with you

[–]cerealdaemon 11 points12 points ago

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what, the man just likes the look of a thick juicy snake. who wouldn't fap to that

[–]B0thHands 14 points15 points ago

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upvoted for the brilliance of having a - at the end of your username so that your downvotes look negative at a glance and people perhaps feel bad for you and then upvote you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Like Paul 'Muad`dib' Atreides says: "...feints within feints..."

[–]itsafunnyname 107 points108 points ago

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WARNING: DO NOT WATCH WHILE HOLDING ANY SMALL CHILDREN, HOT COFFEE/FOOD, FRAGILE OBJECTS, OR ANY COMBINATION OF THE AFOREMENTIONED OBJECTS.

[–]Nervette 54 points55 points ago

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I nearly threw a cat at my screen, so add "small animals" to that list...

[–]digitalpencil 45 points46 points ago

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QUICK, EAT MY CAT. SAVE MEEEE!!!

[–]lebeagle 4 points5 points ago

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Or rearranging your junk.

[–]ultranoodles 2 points3 points ago

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so, hot children, fragile food, and small objects are a no?

[–]misterlogan 20 points21 points ago

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[–]LettersFromTheSky 28 points29 points ago

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I just jumped out of my skin, thanks for giving me a heart attack at only 23 ;)

[–]Domukuan 10 points11 points ago

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Oh god... and I sleep with a ball python 4 feet away. Thanks for the nightmares.

[–]pfs3w 9 points10 points ago

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I was in the library with my friend, and we watched this. We both screamed like little girls and got the dirtiest look from everyone. Success....

[–]thesecretbarn 9 points10 points ago*

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Can someone please give a brief description? My curiosity and self-control and battling for dominance, and I fear the only casualty will be my sanity.

edit: I knew what was coming, and I still jumped about a foot. It's just so fast. Ugh. Anyway, no spiders, which is really the only thing I'm ever concerned with before clicking a link.

[–]optimism 64 points65 points ago

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People are trolling. It's a vid of a guy with his pet python. The end is pretty heartwarming actually. I guess people are just trying to rile up our imagination and nightmares.

[–]f10i 19 points20 points ago

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this guy is legit... listen to him

[–]2014woot 23 points24 points ago

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[–]cheesehelmet 22 points23 points ago

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Yeah, I'm not clicking that.

[–]cheesehelmet 49 points50 points ago

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FUCK! WHY DID I CLICK THAT?!

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

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And there, ladies and gentlemen, you have the tl;dr version of 75% of links ever posted to social news sites.

[–]lard_pwn 13 points14 points ago

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[–]OopsLostPassword 9 points10 points ago*

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An advice for everybody : DO look at this short video. Just don't hold a mug or anything, especially if you're a little sissy, and do it with the knowledge that nobody got hurt in the making (if I am to trust the comments on youtube).

Why you should look ? Because snakes ARE dangerous and you should know in what way they're dangerous so you don't make the same error that the guy who held the camera. This is basic knowledge that everybody should have.

Hint : when approaching wild animals, don't presume they're as slow as you or as predictable as boss in video games. They're not trained to warn before acting.

[–]DownvotedByCunts 2 points3 points ago

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It's a python though. I'd assume it didn't keep a hold on the camera and assuming the handlers were nearby, the cameraman was never in any real danger.
EDIT: Immediate danger, not real danger. He was obviously in real danger.

[–]OopsLostPassword 3 points4 points ago

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If the cameraman was holding a mug of hot coffee he was in danger.

[–]apox64928 8 points9 points ago

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damn. holy damn.

[–]Patrick_M_Bateman 4 points5 points ago

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Oh hey, thanks. I'm working on a project and was thinking about going to bed. Solved that problem.

[–]sunbrar7 5 points6 points ago

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will not watch. will not watch. will not..... click-boom-shit. in my pants.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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This will really help him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti4sqG85FU4

[–]stillalone 77 points78 points ago

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No fucking way I'm clicking on anything again.

[–]elwood78 14 points15 points ago

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I don't know how this video got over 3 million views..

[–]stabodeely 7 points8 points ago

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Tosh.0 primarily.

[–]RedArmy- 6 points7 points ago

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Same snake killed Ice Cube.

[–]TBone818 5 points6 points ago

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I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR

[–]superwinner 18 points19 points ago

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I jumped out of my car and began running down the road beside it.

[–]CompeAnansi 16 points17 points ago

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Ghost ride the Whip

[–]girlymau5 2 points3 points ago

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Boats for the yellow bus rider, Mang!

[–]wildplum 4 points5 points ago

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best reddit post ever

[–]EyesAllOnFire 63 points64 points ago

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This isn't true. These snakes actually prefer to live near water as you can see in the pic, so they won't be under the bed. Don't worry, you'll only run into them in your bathroom - most likely in the shower or bathtub.

[–]Peacer13 76 points77 points ago

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This isn't true snakes prefer to be on planes.

[–]BaBaBaBaBarbaraAnne 46 points47 points ago

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Just beware poisonous spiders. They like to keep their fangs clean, so they'll stay near a basin of fresh water, like like the inside lip of a toilet.

[–]Khan88H 35 points36 points ago

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I dislike you.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Intensely.

[–]FeepingCreature 16 points17 points ago

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What am I even DOING IN THIS THREAD.

[–]_klk_ 2 points3 points ago

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Dammit I am taking a dump right now, why???

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Because you ate earlier? I dunno.

[–]screamingtrees 2 points3 points ago

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TIL checking reddit whilst dropping a deuce is a popular pastime.

[–]collapsible_chopstix 3 points4 points ago

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Oooh, gave me the shivers. Upvote

[–]tytotabuki 32 points33 points ago

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They tend not to reside in the bathtub because it doesn't stay wet. So normally they will stay in the toilet.

[–]iammortalcombat 11 points12 points ago

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However, the bowl does get flushed and emptied. They don't like pee or poo so check the main tank (where your back is turned to it).

[–]tllnbks 6 points7 points ago

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But, it's not really big enough for an entire snake to fit in, so stay away from your pool.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

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And watch out when it rains, these snakes sometimes fall down from the clouds.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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[–]dmcnelly 6 points7 points ago

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Fuck EVERYTHING about that.

[–]mawnsharks 296 points297 points ago

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it's true but not the way you think it is. this snake is very friendly and is actually saving this poor animal from drowning. such a good samaritan.

[–]aolley 24 points25 points ago

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The 'good Samaritan' phrase came about because a long time ago people from Samaria were not well liked by some neighboring nations; but one day a guy was robbed and beaten on a road and a number of people left him as they passed and only a Samaritan helped him.

[–]bcit-cst 31 points32 points ago

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what movie reference is this ? i just saw it but cant remember

[–]BusyPedro 69 points70 points ago

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The bible?

[–][deleted] 108 points109 points ago

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I loved that movie.

[–]otis_the_drunk 54 points55 points ago

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Meh, I thought it was alright but the plot was thin and narrator was kind of a dick.

[–]Liefx 3 points4 points ago

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Correct me if I'm mistaken, but isn't it from the Bible?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Great movie.

[–]amosharper 7 points8 points ago

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Except, of course, the whole ordeal turned out to be a fictional story within a fictional story. You should hear the anecdote that the Samaritan told to the dying man, it was thrilling.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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He also appears to know CPR which is rare for a snake, lucky cow.

[–]Yeeaaaarrrgh 28 points29 points ago

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We need Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward. Quick.

[–]sobz[!] 2 points3 points ago

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Fingers crossed.

[–]ShreddyZ 50 points51 points ago

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It's Australia. That's all you need to know.

[–]myredditlogintoo 28 points29 points ago

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No, you need to know this too.

[–]grundyreadit 61 points62 points ago

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This is all true!

Tips to Surviving Australia:

Don’t ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it.

The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.

Always carry a stick.

Air-conditioning.

Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fist fight.

Thick socks.

Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.

If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die.

Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

See Also: “Deserts: How to die in them”, “The Stick: Second most useful thing ever” and “Poisonous and Venomous arachnids, insects, animals, trees, shrubs, fish and sheep of Australia, volumes 1-42″

[–]samyall 10 points11 points ago

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Being an Aussie I can confirm that this is all common knowledge. Camping here is like an extreme sport.

[–]beskud 5 points6 points ago

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reddit deserves more terry pratchett references

[–]desmo 8 points9 points ago

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Aussie here: A little joke that may appeal to you:

American tourist standing by a body of water, itching to go for a swim.
A local walks by

Tourist: Excuse me, are there any sharks in the water?

Aussie: No mate, not a one (under his breath), the crocodiles ate 'em all.

[–]Niqulaz 8 points9 points ago

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[–]byrd 2 points3 points ago

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Fun story: My family and I were camping up north Queensland and we were swimming (I can't remember the name of the place) in some water hole/creek and we spotted a crocodile.. good times.

[–]Lucky1374 43 points44 points ago

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This isn't true right now. But when the photo was taken it was.

[–]dannyboi965 24 points25 points ago

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mitch?

[–]myinnervoice 20 points21 points ago

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The are actually 2 other snakes in that picture.

Can you spot them both?

[–]andteed 15 points16 points ago

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dude fuck you..i just spent like 6 minutes trying to find the other two before i realized you was trickin me

[–]relevant_rule34 120 points121 points ago

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Well, it looks like he's dragging up a kangaroo, so I'm guessing this is supposed to be in Australia. And a quick wikipedia search seems to show that the largest snake species is a python.

Anyway, here's a strange looking girl masturbating herself while a python crawls over her crotch - NSFW

[–]TheTreeMan 24 points25 points ago

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Posting someone masturbating AROUND a snake instead of someone masturbating WITH a snake? I can't help but feel like this was a missed opportunity.

[–]relevant_rule34 76 points77 points ago

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of course - NSFW

I was just trying to keep it relevant to pythons.

[–]moottoboot 39 points40 points ago

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You sir must join me over in /r/chickswithsnakes.

[–]ThisNameIsOriginal 18 points19 points ago

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My reaction to your sub-reddit.

Wow this is strange who would like this.

Scroll.. Ok thats kinda hot but who would look at this stuff

Scroll.. Fap fap fap fap

[–]moottoboot 32 points33 points ago

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[–]ThisNameIsOriginal 11 points12 points ago

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You sir are dedicated.

[–]anagoge 9 points10 points ago

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+frontpage, +frontpage, +frontpage, +frontpage...

[–]STEVEHOLT27 2 points3 points ago

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TIL girls only masturbate with boas, ball pythons and occasionally cornsnakes.

[–]drew_carnegie 47 points48 points ago

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My ex-girlfriend LOVED kangaroos and was absolutely terrified of snakes. I emailed her this photo after we broke up.

[–]zoweee 10 points11 points ago

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My hat is off to you, sir.

[–]stevo_knevo 15 points16 points ago

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Don't worry, man. That's only Australia's second-biggest species of snake.

[–]tg989 26 points27 points ago

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It'ssssssss not true. Totally ssssssafe to take a sssssssswim there.

[–]Kamho 10 points11 points ago

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Nice try, Snake in the picture. Who taught you how to type?

[–]fluffi3 2 points3 points ago

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Disney

[–]meltedlaundry 23 points24 points ago

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A snake is capable of doing this. Here is some proof.

[–]avrus 12 points13 points ago

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Oh my gosh! Was the hippo okay?

[–]hick 21 points22 points ago

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Of course. It's just sleeping.

[–]daedone 3 points4 points ago

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Aaaaaaand I'm done considering going to Australia or Africa now....

[–]mrpunman 21 points22 points ago

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Source

According to a posting on the ABC Far North Queensland website this picture is of an Olive python and he's trying to pull a wallaby or a wallaroo from the water below.

The picture is said to have been taken by a hiker named Jody who said the python tried for about an hour to lift the animal from the pool but finally gave up.

Updated 5/13/07

[–]duyaw 10 points11 points ago

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This isn't true. It is actually a snake killing that animal, not a carnivorous wall.

[–]Liverotto 8 points9 points ago

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That's how Steve Irwin should have died, not stabbed by a fruity fish.

[–]carbonfilter 19 points20 points ago

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I call the big one bitey.

[–]tical_ 25 points26 points ago

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I took the liberty of outlining where the snake's body goes for you, because he seems to blend in with the rocks behind him.

http://i.imgur.com/XptVP.jpg

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Daaaaayuuuum nature, you scary!

[–]6_Double5_321 22 points23 points ago

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at first I thought the rear of the body faded completely into the rocks, but you can see it on the far right of the pic.

the fact that it's so well camouflaged is nearly as terrifying as its act in the pic.

[–]realistmom 7 points8 points ago

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the fact that it's so well camouflaged is nearly as terrifying as its act in the pic.

I dunno, those rocks are a pretty apt environment for this python to be hiding itself in, what with the curvy rocks and all. Blend that thing into an Ikea, then I'll be impressed.

[–]fireinthesky7 7 points8 points ago

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Am I the only one who thinks this is freaking awesome?

Oh wait, I'm a biologist. In that case, probably.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]decameter 6 points7 points ago

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us nerdz need rikitikitavi

[–]dreamcatcher1 6 points7 points ago

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This was found by the telephone company maintenance man after the recent floods in Queensland Australia...http://delimiter.com.au/tag/snakes/

[–]Dashward 13 points14 points ago

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MY HEAD IS FULL OF FUCK

[–]Mebi 5 points6 points ago

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I don't know the snake species but I'm certain that's a Kangaroo or Wallaby it's eating. Think Australia, and avoid it if this picture gives you nightmares.

[–]Ravanast 4 points5 points ago

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Yup. Olive python, probably slightly larger subspecies Liasis olivaceus barroni or Pilbara Olive python. I believe the photo was taken in the Pilbara region of Western Australia. The animal it has is a rock wallaby, you can tell by the bushy black tail which most rock wallaby species have. Rock wallabies are quite small (up to 50cm or so) so it makes the snake look even bigger, although it still gets over 4 meters. I work in the area, Olive pythons are lovely and often quite docile\friendly.

[–]DriftingMemes 4 points5 points ago

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I'm here to tell you that there are NO 40ft long snakes near where you live. They are actually 50 to 55 feet long.

[–]windyplace 2 points3 points ago

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And they blend right in with your sponge bob wall paper.

[–]Pantastic 4 points5 points ago

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God damn. Australia scares me. Snakes, spiders, crocodiles... :(

[–]PsychicWalrii 11 points12 points ago

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I'm Australian, and having met many snakes, I would like to ask you a question.

Do you know the best bit about this photo?

The best bit about this photo is that this is one of the least dangerous snakes we have, AND LOOK AT THE BASTARD.

Then consider that most Australian snakes are far worse. Sure, they're a little smaller. They're also poisonous as fuck. I think I heard that 14 out of the 15 most poisonous snakes in the world live here. I'd believe it. Ever met a King Brown? Those guys grow to THREE METRES (10 or so feet). What about a taipan? 3.6 METRES (12 feet). And they're incredibly poisonous. And do you know what else is great about them? THEY'RE ANGRY AS ALL HELL WHEN YOU MEET THEM.

You know how they say that snakes are more scared of you than you are of them? Come to Australia. You'll find out it's not actually true. Scared of you? These guys will chase you, just so they can bite you and then slither off snickering.

Enjoy your holiday here. It's fun ;)

[–]buletti 2 points3 points ago*

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ok, now that we heard about snakes, tell us more about the other delightful surprises Australia got for tourists:

  • sharks
  • spiders
  • scorpions
  • crocodiles
  • jellyfish
  • cassowaries
  • ...

[–]lumbago 5 points6 points ago

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Only creatures not poisonous are some of the sheep.

[–]CaptOblivious 3 points4 points ago

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But I hear you cant tell which sheep are poisonous till after they bite you.

[–]OnlyAJerkOnReddit 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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How many people just picked their feet up off the floor?

[–]MusicMagi 4 points5 points ago

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Damn, nature you scary!

[–]doodlestorm 7 points8 points ago

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**FUCK* THAT.*

[–]zersch 4 points5 points ago

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It's out there. Right now. And Ice Cube isn't going to kill this one.

[–]drew3000 3 points4 points ago

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Australia should be designated as an alien planet. Things just evolved very differently there.

[–]12mrk12 3 points4 points ago

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This Isn't True

[–]dalore 2 points3 points ago

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Snakes... why did it have to be snakes?

[–]tobsterius 3 points4 points ago

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Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

[–]frizzanz 7 points8 points ago

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isn't it cute...!

[–]sosondowah 9 points10 points ago

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Oh, he's just trying to hug the wallaby. With his stomach.

[–]Soyner 2 points3 points ago

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How sweet, love happens even in the animal kingd....wait, they're not kissing......QUICK SOMEONE CALL ICE CUBE!

[–]Da_Funk 2 points3 points ago

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Don't worry, only spiders can do that

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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This might be the best headline for any submission that I have seen recently! lol

[–]lifeiscinema 2 points3 points ago

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This shit is NOT cool. Damn thats scary

[–]RDR350Z 2 points3 points ago

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Wow. I wish I could hit 'undo' on clicking the link. I hate snakes, thanks for an entirely new set of nightmares.

[–]aazav 2 points3 points ago

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It's true and it's old. Stay out of Australia.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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okay, it isn't true right now, but it was true when that picture was taken.

[–]bubba737 2 points3 points ago

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Snakes! Why'd it have to be snakes?

[–]KidRed 2 points3 points ago

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What;s the big deal? All I see is one creature saving another from drowning. That snake is a savior!

[–]BallDescension 2 points3 points ago

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like what

[–]dnbpanda 13 points14 points ago

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snakes love them some ass

[–]rtwpsom2 12 points13 points ago

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It's a wallaby.

[–]5celery 17 points18 points ago

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some wallaby ass

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]wartexmaul 12 points13 points ago

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a line of death.

[–]meltedlaundry 2 points3 points ago

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Well, true, but....no, just true.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SeanLOSL 2 points3 points ago

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That is definitely what happened. Drowned cow on the ledge, yes!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]cuginhamer 4 points5 points ago

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snopes thinks it is fishing out an already dead wallaby (take a look at the tail underwater--not a cow tail, front legs too)

[–]TokyoXtreme 1 point2 points ago

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Tired of fighting monkeys, the snake moved on to kangaroos.

[–]avrus 1 point2 points ago

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Australia. You both fascinate and terrify me.

Let's go get a beer.

[–]dorfsmay 1 point2 points ago

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Python, batteries included!

[–]Hairyjon 1 point2 points ago

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not gonna happen

[–]JEWPACOLYPSE 1 point2 points ago

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great camouflage

[–]positivelyecstatic 1 point2 points ago

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To make it slightly more frightening/impressive, there's no way that victim animal was just chilling in that water near that steep wall. It's fairly likely that the snake snagged him from all the way on the other side of that river while it was drinking.

[–]max_is_creative 1 point2 points ago

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@chills@ right before bed. :(

[–]Freyster98 1 point2 points ago

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Nooooo no no no no. I will NEVER go on reddit before I go to bed again...EVER! This needs to be tagged NSFL immediately for the sake of all humanity.