Sort of both. But mostly the first.

Faith was an integral part of my self-identity and an integral part of the way others saw me. My family is comprised entirely of non-believers but they were generally accepting me despite the occasional ridicule or disappointment of my capital-F Faith while I had it. When I came to the conclusion that there was no God, I was at first stunned at how undramatic the decision was. No lighting from the Heavens. No laughter from below. I just felt very, very alone where before I'd never felt that way, not really. Say what you will about the imaginary friend of the dumb-fuck Republicans, my 'God' wasn't contorting me to kill people and - it turns out - was providing a very convenient excuse to find value in myself. When that was gone, I very quickly fell off the deep end.

Because I had already been the 'outsider' in my family - having expressed my faith to my highly-rationalistic parents was sort of like telling fundies that I was gay, and for a few years my father was ashamed, I think, until my mother talked him out of it - I knew that it was better to tell the people of my church quickly and honestly.

I told my friends in the church that I very much wanted to continue the friendship outside of faith. For the most part they were actually a lot more accepting than I thought they'd be. The few people who decided they'd no longer wanted to be my friends weren't actually that important to me anyway. I sat with the Lead Pastor who acknowledged that he grieved but accepted my decision and offered me the choice of either receiving a cheque equal to my last two months tithes or for the Church to give it to a charity of my choice; I don't know whether he meant that as a gesture of acceptance, practicality, or malice, but I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He still invites me to social events at his house, and it's not as weird as I thought it would be.

I've since adapted my Church time to family time, which was pretty easy since I would get myself to church while they slept in, so I told them that I needed support which they have generally been good for.

So, in my experience, the social transition was mostly smooth.

The two major points of my grief, near as I can tell anyway, is that despite the readiness of these both my family and my former church to accept me, I still feel like I don't fit. Whether it's my family (especially my father) or me I can't tell, but I still feel like I'm tainted in my own home - still the kid who was dumb enough to believe in fairytales so late. And again, I don't know whether it's my friends (from my former church) or me, but these friendships are gradually diminishing. This is probably normal of most people my age - moving from high school to university etc. - but whereas before I would know where to go to find a new social group (Church!), right now I have no idea how to connect so easily, efficiently, and smoothly. Making friends was simple in Church because you could always use (false, but agreed on) axioms to form a springboard for a great relationship. These really only had to start you off - in my experience, they weren't nearly as foundational as people seem to think they are so long as it was accepted that you generally believed the same things. I've met a few friends in social or academic clubs at College, but it hasn't been the same.

Moreover, I don't really know how to approach the dating scene. While I believe that everyone should do what they want, it's still important and makes to me to keep my virginity as a gift for my wife. And altho I would certainly never reject a potential girlfriend because she wasn't a virgin, I can't help but think that it's a romantic and wonderful thing to do. A lot of Church-goers understand this mindset even if they don't practice it, but very few of my peers seem to understand it. I get a lot more open ridicule than respect of any kind. It's not like I go around preaching it, it's just something I find romantic. But people call me faggot, Fundie, and other hurtful names just because of this value.

In other ways I find myself confused as well. I understand why the fundies are suspicious of drug use, drunkenness, sex out of wedlock and open sexual encounters, and other 'normal' college activities, but I can't tell which ways I'm still just a victim of those chains in this picture or whether I actually do believe that these things aren't always right even if it's me who thinks that and not "God" who says so.

The worst part has been establishing values, ways to self-express, self-esteem, and the anxiety that can come along with these things. If we accept that Christians (for example) believe that it's "God" providing the with values, expression, and worth, and we accept that there is no god, then it follows that the belief in god can (surely doesn't always) values, self-expression, and worth. This is the bit that is taken advantage of to crash airplanes into buildings, but it's also the bit that my pastors and friends would use to convince me that it was a good idea to do good things, many of which contributed to society. I go to the old soup kitchen on occasion, but find myself frustrated by the sermons that go on there (because I think they're lies), but I'm lonely at the secular soup kitchen, and I can't for the life of me convince my friends (either the Churchies, who if they're interested already go to the Churchy kitchen) or my secular friends who seem to think it's a waste of time. Maybe I'm selfish, but I've always thought it was a lot more fun to volunteer with friends than alone.

And the bit where I always thought that the God of the universe had my back... so long as I was compassionate and helpful and loving. That's a pretty fucking good feeling, and what begins as a solid reason to be compassionate and helpful and loving soon turns into the enjoyment of being compassionate and helpful and loving. As a Christian I was a lot more confident about what those words meant. I'm sure I got it wrong a lot, but even if I'm shoving gospel down peoples' throats (which isn't really what happens), it's pretty hard to give soup away for free without being somewhat compassionate about it on some level. I know that it's worth it because people who hate the idea of god still come for free soup, even the ones who could go to the non-preachy kitchen. And yet, I'm confused a lot about how to help...

When someone asks why I value virginity, for example, I felt righteous when I valued it because "God" supported me. Now I still think I'm right but people tell me that I'm judgemental just because I'm choosing to value it.

That's the biggest sting about the whole thing, I think. The part they should warn us about and don't... A lot of atheists seem to think that Christians are by-and-large unaware of the fact that they or other Christians are hypocritical assholes. But that's bullshit: the word 'sin' - which every Christian is quick to admit they are the 'worst' at being regardless of their authenticity - is the acknowledgement that all people are hypocritical assholes. Do some of the hypocritical assholes take themselves too seriously? Surely! But a lot don't. But I was sort of under the impression that the free mind that came with my acknowledgement that there is no god would come along with some sort of support group. Even the Christians have figured this out, after all, and they're morons. But there's nothing. I knew that the world was fucked before - I called that sin and brokenness - but I could blame the devil and know that God would clean it up and all I would have to do was be compassionate and loving and He would save me. I still think the world is fucked, but I don't have any reason to hope that it'll get better. I have a lot of respect for those atheists who find motivation in this to think that they have to do it under their own steam, but I haven't found that steam in me yet without a god to pin it to.

So, to answer your question as well as I can: my pain has been more circumspect that circumstantial.

Surely I blame this on having been religious in the first place - had their been no religion to steal my brain, then the consequences of that change would be non-existent. But I did believe, and it was beautiful, and the darkness and confusion that I've entered into might be more real and true, but they sucks, and no one warned me that it would.

Edits: Spelling/Grammar and to add the reasons I edited...