Now, I elevate.

MileageAddict · 1 year

DC Metro factoids: At 196 feet (60 m) below the surface, the Forest Glen station on the Red Line is the deepest in the system. There are no escalators; high-speed elevators take 20 seconds to travel from the street to the station platform.

The Wheaton station, next to Forest Glen station on the Red Line, has the second-longest continuous escalator in the world, the longest in the Western Hemisphere, at 230 feet (70 m).

The Rosslyn station is the deepest station on the Orange/Blue Line, at 97 feet (30 m) below street level. The station features the third-longest continuous escalator in the world at 205 feet (62 m); an escalator ride between the street level and the mezzanine level takes nearly two minutes.

deceptisean · 1 year

His smile in conjunction with "now I elevate" threw me into an fantastic laugh

dmuma · 1 year

Not to begrudge this, but if you've never been to Dupont Circle, it is one of the most terrifying escalators in the world. I used to walk up the damn thing when it was moving (both up and down) when I worked in DC. I visited recently and I am shocked that I am alive to tell this story.

DocOTaco · 1 year

mitch hedberg is turning in his grave

marainman · 1 year

You've also gotta watch out for ghouls and super mutants once you get to the top.

kore464 · 1 year

This is what I picture him doing: http://i.imgur.com/hGb96.jpg

LCDreadout · 1 year

I guess I understand why this is funny, but I like his verb for elevator. It makes sense to me, I immediately understood what he meant, and he used fewer words than "Now I take the elevator."

Do people just love a black man talking funny or something?

OriJinalGangsta · 1 year

An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

-Mitch Hedberg

pseudolobster · 1 year

Obligatory becel commercial

mindspork · 1 year

http://imgur.com/hzApO

E-LE-VATE!

weggy · 1 year

I took that escalator to go to the Reddit Rally party. It was so long, I had to drink my own piss.

Holden_Caulfiend · 1 year

Escalators? It's the Super Mutants you gotta worry about...

Jaymuhz · 1 year

Did anyone else only know Dupont Circle Station from Fallout 3 and think this sounded god damn scary.

le23 · 1 year

Cowboys hat in DC ಠ_ಠ

mpete510 · 1 year

What made this even better was that I read it in Tracy Jordan's voice.

mi_nombre_es_ricardo · 1 year

Man, after seeing this old man, escalators are not a joke anymore.

Edit: He should have elevated.

dittokiddo · 1 year

Are there really that many people who HAVE escalator stories? I mean short of "this one time my friend and I ran up one that was going backwards!" or something, I didn't realize this was a common thing.

BlizzardFenrir · 1 year

E-LE-VATE!

mizay7 · 1 year

I also try to remember to elevate at Woodley Park. When those escalators turn into stairs it is an absolute bitch.

hate_sf_hobos · 1 year

Metro stations in DC were also built as bomb shelters during the Cold War. If you stood on the escalators and rode them all the way up without walking it would take you about 5 minutes. It's still better than taking the elevators.

freshyill · 1 year

For what it's worth, I know Metro Center isn't nearly as big of an escalator, but I can walk down the escalator faster than the elevator can go. I timed them both just this week. The elevators in the DC Metro system are S L O W. I'm willing to bet the Dupont elevator moves at the same speed as Metro Center (I took it once and it seemed to take forever).

Here's my results:

Elevator: No wait, got right on and then walking to the fare gate was 1:02.

Escalator: (Started timing when I walked past the elevator) to the fare gate was 57 seconds.

Also, the elevator smelled like piss.

benchmarke · 1 year

I remember being on an escalator once when it broke down, it was awful! We were stuck on that thing for hours until the rescue people came and got it working again...

MediumPace · 1 year

An escalator stopping mid ride was one of the scariest experiences in my life. This quote just
reminded me of that. The escalator wasn't totally packed which made it even worse. Elevated
this particular incident to #1 in my books, because I saw people eating metal. My spirits for
riding escalators isn't very high anymore. I always take the elevator or the stairs. The day
I step back on an escalator, is the day Hell freezes over.

Braddigan · 1 year

Government payments of those involved in the tragedy are already underway.

No_name_Johnson · 1 year

Dupont circle has a pretty large Raider population; that guy should be on his toes.

xebo · 1 year

bitches love elevators

BURRRRRRRR · 1 year

TIL elevate = v, to ride an elevator

BillyBreen · 1 year

When it comes to elevation, Samson gets me lifted.

InnerBattle · 1 year

why are they interviewing a dude in dc with a cowboys hat on

andbruno · 1 year

Seems like that comment needs an [8] or something.

mosthorrorshow · 1 year

Elevate me later. I'm taking the stairs.

rsnbl_man · 1 year

That's a troll face right there!

i11S0u1 · 1 year

I rode down the Bethesda escalator while high out of my mind once. It felt like I was in one of those dreams where you fall through the floor and you keep falling. Its almost as terrifying sober.

rvweber · 1 year

If ever there was a post that should remain at the top or reddit for days and days, this is it.

hamsterberry · 1 year

Reminds me of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRBchZLkQR0

Nadie_AZ · 1 year

Hallucinate

Dessegregate

Mediate

elevate

Try not to hate

Love your mate

Don't suffocate on your own hate

Designate your love as fate

A one world state

As human freight

The number eight

A white black state

onederboy · 1 year

This is one of the columns the Express has been doing recently to try to help the metro system gain exposure. Usually the whole thing is terrible and they have a Q/A section filled with softball questions that the metro authorities either avoid answering, or respond with their standard answer (we're not doing anything about it.) I usually just get angered by the piece, but this customer story was pretty great.

EmperorNortonI · 1 year

i used to love partying. then i got tired of it, so now i celebrate.

[deleted] · 1 year

They're just lucky he didn't have regulate!

EDIT: I think I must be the only one who sings the Michael McDonald original over the sample.

jkahrs595 · 1 year

I went down this thing after the Reddit meetup (Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear). I was at like a [3] and my friend was probably an [8]. Shit was scary.

justkevin · 1 year

Escalation, A film by M. Night Shyamalan

No, for real, it's a short parody of Devil where they get stuck on an escalator, actually directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Some of his best work in years.

ambiturner · 1 year

My favorite escalator video in the tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFqQOlYE4EE

Unlucky13 · 1 year

Seriously though, whats with the escalators in DC? Why didn't they just install stairs? (that's what they are 90% of the time anyway)

Stanovich · 1 year

Distributing upvotes for DC people! As a resident of Northwest DC, I empathize with all these red line horror stories. Gotta love WMATA.

Cyberbuddha · 1 year

As some one mentioned wheaton's is longer but you get the general idea.

Rambo5000 · 1 year

If you from Dupont, then why you cowboys fan!?!? Traitor!!

irishemperor · 1 year

Elevate yo'self before you escalate yo'self!

agbullet · 1 year

classy motherfucker.

[deleted] · 1 year

DC CHILLIN PG CHILLIN.

ColonicIrritation · 1 year

To a higher plane of existence. Godspeed.

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