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504
505

The Trustworthiness of Bears (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by jQueryIsBestQuery

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[–]bushel 86 points87 points ago

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I think Polar bear is in the wrong spot. A polar bear is almost the same as a grizzly bear (they can hybridize) and should be on the scale in about the same place. They are rather dangerous in real life.

[–]morleydresden 92 points93 points ago

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Of course white bears are more trustworthy than black or brown bears.

[–]Phallic 25 points26 points ago

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More like black and brown bears are victims of profiling.

[–]anonymoustroll 9 points10 points ago

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nope... just victims of their environment and lots of natural selection.

[–]renegade_division 2 points3 points ago

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Well isn't it true that black and brown bears kill disproportionately large number of humans than their population numbers would suggest.

[–]watermark0n 2 points3 points ago

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There aren't as many polar bears and they're pretty far removed from most human settlements. If you get up close to one they will gladly chomp down on you. If anything, they'd be more dangerous than a grizzly, because Polar bears are the biggest bears on average.

[–]seaners111 1 point2 points ago

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I know, right? Personally, I think Snuggle Bear is the creepiest one on that list.

Look at that dead, hollow look in his eyes. He's maniacal.

[–]logicjam 0 points1 point ago

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And brown/black bears love their cocaine

[–]derspaceghost 24 points25 points ago*

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Word to this - Polar bears are definitely in the "Threatening" category.

I spent time (a lot of time) working in the high (very high) north - and I had a conversation with another surveyor there, recounting a story from the 1970's at the mine we were at;

A two man survey crew was working on surveying a winter snow dump - separated by about 500 yards, the two were relying on hand motions to signal to each other when to move to the next spot. The rod man was up a hill from the other guy standing there waiting for the other guy to signal to him that he had taken the reading and it was ok to move.

The guy on the survey gear sights the rod, takes the reading and is about to signal the guy to move, when he notices a patch of snow about 100 years past the "rod" man move a little. Pure coincidence that he noticed it.

He looks closer, sees the patch move again. Immediately he begins waving at the rod man to get out of there back to the truck. Rod man can't hear him yelling, and is trying to figure out what the fuck he's waving at. A truck passing on a road below see's what is happening and lays on the horn (big ass dump truck). Truck driver stops hard and gets out with shotgun and begins firing.

It was a polar bear, on his belly, coming his muzzle with his paws, crawling closer to the rod man. The only dark spots on a polar bear are the eyes and nose, and this bear fucking knew it.

Bear spooked, guy managed to get outta there & back to the truck.

Every time I was out after that, my head was on a pivot.

*Spelling edit

[–]Ellemeno 9 points10 points ago

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The imagery of the polar bear covering its face with its paws and crawling over just made it seem cuter to me.

[–]GeoAtreides 2 points3 points ago

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It is cute.

It's also extremely dangerous and could have killed that man, a man loved by his children, wife and friends.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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That night the young female bear went hungry again. It was alright for her, she could survive. But not her children, two young cubs who had experienced one day of starvation too many. Two cubs that were loved by their mother, who is still hungry and now alone.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Early the next morning a mother wolf found the remains of the two bears. Success! Her cubs could be fed this morning and it was a shining day filled with newfound hope for the future...

This is necessary. Life feeds on life, feeds on life, feeds on life, feeds on... this is necessary...

Pull your head on out you hippies and give a listen. Shouldn't have to say it all again. The universe is hostile, so impersonal. Devour to survive, so it is, so it's always been...

[–]noove 1 point2 points ago

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Sure is a lot of sexual innuendos in this story...

A two man survey crew were relying on hand motions to signal to The rod man it was ok to move.

The rest of the story... well I don't have time to type since im gonna go grab some tissue.

[–]zgh5002 3 points4 points ago

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I think polar bears are larger. Either way, fuck all bears accept for the Panda.

[–]TreeTrunks 7 points8 points ago

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Pandas can be dicks too.

[–]zgh5002 6 points7 points ago

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I can't hear you! Lalalala

[–]TangotheScribe 2 points3 points ago

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I dunno... that was still pretty cute.

[–]neo316 0 points1 point ago

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Oh you have no idea

[–]Mikkel04 0 points1 point ago

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Skadoosh

[–]Happypants 1 point2 points ago

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TIL that pandas are actually a bears. I was under the impression until now that they were more closely related to raccoons.

[–]Boshaft 0 points1 point ago

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You're thinking of koala bears, which are marsupials and not true ursine.

[–]Happypants 0 points1 point ago

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No. I'm thinking pandas.

From the wiki section that addresses their classification which was directly linked to in my first comment:

taxonomic classification of the giant panda was under debate because it shares characteristics of both bears and raccoons.

[–]Howlader 2 points3 points ago

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In case you've never seen it: San Diego Zoo Panda Cam

But yeah, hallowed are the Pandas.

[–]zgh5002 5 points6 points ago

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You just made a 6'1, 250 pound grown man squee like a 5 year-old girl.

[–]Howlader 1 point2 points ago

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I'm glad! The National Zoo in DC has one too!

One of the best things about living in the DC area are metro-accessible pandas. I went to the Zoo the last day before the panda born in DC went back to China.

I'm not obsessed.

[–]tsivist 1 point2 points ago

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Came here to say this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Polar bears are generally bigger and have a tighter energy budget so they should be right of the grizzly.

[–]mcroft 0 points1 point ago

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Also, where are the Hair Bear Bunch?

[–]Aloysiusthethird 0 points1 point ago

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I agree with Dwight.

[–]Son_of_Kong 33 points34 points ago

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Yogi Bear also needs to be farther right. Questionable at least. He fucking steals your picanic baskets!

[–]squeakyL 14 points15 points ago

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you mean pick-a-nick baskets

[–]ijoinedforthis 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck you for making me read that in his voice.

Asshole.

Upvoted

[–]pensee_idee 0 points1 point ago

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Seriously. Yogi and the grizzly bear should trade places.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Koala Bear needs to be further to the right.

[–]maggot77 8 points9 points ago

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Then there's the drop-bear, close relation to the koala.

[–]hughk 1 point2 points ago

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But much nastier...

[–]Fosnez 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, check out the page at the Australian Museum.

[–]altodarknight 2 points3 points ago

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With out a doubt - never trust a Koala. Crafty Fuckers!!

[–]cdsk 1 point2 points ago

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Seriously. I don't normally have mild trustworthiness for known liars.

[–]bobbybusche 32 points33 points ago

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I would never... trust. the snuggle bear.

[–]Yes_Indeed 7 points8 points ago

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Creepiest bear ever!

[–]JohnnyFooker 1 point2 points ago

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I just added that to my Youtube favorites, and will soon be linking it to my Japanese guildie on WoW. Thank you very much.

[–]UrbanDEV 1 point2 points ago

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Even japan thinks it's creepy. I mean come on, it's JAPAN.

[–]igavefoucaltaids 1 point2 points ago

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also creepy

[–]TheWhizKid 0 points1 point ago

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I fucking hate that creepy snuggle bear. Freaks me the f out

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Upvote for Owlbear.

[–]Scholarly_Koala 3 points4 points ago

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Yes, but what about Bugbears?

[–]TweeknTekneek 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah no kidding , what is that thing? Where is it from?

edit: another pic http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm_gallery/Owlbear.jpg

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Classic Dungeons and Dragons monster. R.I.P. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson.

[–]TweeknTekneek 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks, he definitely looks bad ass! Thats for sure!

[–]Verser 1 point2 points ago

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I must applaud owl bear "We need a new monster for this release." "I got an idea, combine an owl, and a bear!" It sounds so stupid but it still scares the fuck outa me.

[–]maniaphobia 0 points1 point ago

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"what's an owlbear?" "owlbear is both a name and a description, got it?"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Oh God. So many an ascension lost when I first started.

[–]LessLikeYou 6 points7 points ago

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I feel like you can pretty much trust Pedobear to do what is expected.

[–]Backupusername 8 points9 points ago

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I call bullshit on Snuggle Bear. I wouldn't trust that thing as far as I can throw it.

Though I have to admit, that's pretty far...

[–]print_is_dead 0 points1 point ago

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Tank > Snuggles

[–]Certeis 7 points8 points ago

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But but, where is Paddington bear?

[–]goal2004 2 points3 points ago

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I was looking for him too!

[–]FEEED 2 points3 points ago

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No Pooh bear as well :(

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I don't know about you guys, but Snuggle bear is creepy as fuck

[–]elbereth 1 point2 points ago

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Snuggle Bear, the original Pedobear.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Ho ho ho! I'VE GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Nice parody of the trustworthiness of beards!

[–]LTealeaf 1 point2 points ago

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Was about to say that!

Seeing the original post makes this one all the more genius.

[–]JimmyJamesMac 2 points3 points ago

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It's just "Smokey Bear", not "Smokey THE Bear".

[–]anotherkeebler 0 points1 point ago

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Q: What do Smokey the Bear and John the Baptist have in common?
A: The same middle name.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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They all look pretty dangerous to me. I mean, honestly, if I saw a snuggle bear walking around, I'd probably just kill myself right there. I can't handle that.

[–]simpersly 7 points8 points ago

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You forgot the Soviet Russian bears from Red Alert 2.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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And Care Bears

[–]smokingirishmonkey 2 points3 points ago

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Can't trust them for shit.

[–]mochila03 7 points8 points ago

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Smokey has a creepy look in his eyes. Check his relation to Pedobear; consider moving him up the scale.

[–]rockmeahmadinejad 3 points4 points ago

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Maybe the scale is actually a loop, and both ends are supposed to connect? That would make sense to me.

[–]baxter45 1 point2 points ago

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If my calculations are correct, and I see no reason why they would be, I believe you've just solved string theory.

[–]PedobearsBloodyCock 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck that. Smokey is a bitch.

[–]Fibonacci121 0 points1 point ago

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Relevant
Smokey is definitely in the wrong end of the continuum.

[–]Cheddarwurst 0 points1 point ago

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Holy crap, this is almost indescribably amazing.

[–]kiskiliskis[!] 5 points6 points ago

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where is the mauling bear with chainsaw hands?

[–]lakeshowtime 0 points1 point ago

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Came here to ask that!

Link:

http://21.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_koc1xkXwjO1qzvqipo1_400.jpg

alternate

http://finickypenguin.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/2007-11-29-chainsaw-bear.jpg

[–]1ns0mn1a 1 point2 points ago

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how are the bernstien bears only mildly trustworthy?

[–]BunnyKnuckles 4 points5 points ago

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They're Jews.

[–]Caternary 2 points3 points ago

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They're fucking communists.

[–]Mcfrankable 1 point2 points ago

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'Black' bears of questionable trustworthiness? For shame sir.

[–]ksu_bdavet 1 point2 points ago

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Bearsharktopus would destroy Owl Bear and Manbearpig.

[–]davmx 1 point2 points ago

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Care Bears should of been added on the list to the very faaaaar left. Just sayin

[–]Evan_Williams 1 point2 points ago

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You dont trust care bears this is not a fucking game.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Dear Sir or Madam: It is "would have" not "would of". "Would of" doesn't make sense, think about it.

[–]Dubonjierugi 1 point2 points ago

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I personally don't trusty smokey the bear. He gives off this weird vibe.

[–]hurrimmanobody 1 point2 points ago

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Black Bears questionable? Well that's debatable.

[–]decoy26517 1 point2 points ago

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DO NOT TRUST THIS IMAGE! ALL BEARS ARE GODLESS KILLING MACHINES!

[–]Yes_Indeed 1 point2 points ago

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What about gay bears? NSFW

[–]averyrdc 1 point2 points ago

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Bear Grylls is someone I would trust my life with.

[–]smokingirishmonkey 1 point2 points ago

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Bear cavalry, very trustworthy.

[–]dr0pbear 1 point2 points ago

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What about dropbears?

[–]Go_Ninja_Go_Ninja_Go 1 point2 points ago

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I disagree. Snuggle bear is the creepiest, scariest little shit on the bear universe.

[–]itsscience 1 point2 points ago

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*Berenstain Bears

[–]Cheddarwurst 0 points1 point ago

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I'd put polar bears a little closer to dangerous, because they really are.

[–]ynoty3k 0 points1 point ago

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Cuddles sure is soft

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Masturbating bear, ehh?

[–]MC_Shortbus 0 points1 point ago

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I would say anything to the right of Panda Bear should be labeled "Disastrous"

[–]herb_friendly 0 points1 point ago

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WTF? Where are my dancing hippy bears!

[–]TheOLB 0 points1 point ago

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What about a bear holding a shark?

[–]nombre_usuario 0 points1 point ago

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did not see bear cavalry; was dissapointed

[–]somethingsinthehills 0 points1 point ago

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This needs to be represented in a circle. Smokey is a half step from Pedo Bear.

[–]kb1970 0 points1 point ago

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BEARS. BEETS. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

[–]arthurujn2 0 points1 point ago

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Cartoon bears are still bears

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Question for ANYONE who finds ANYTHING funny about the pedobear meme: What is funny to you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Everything.

[–]mycatdieddamnit 0 points1 point ago

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Pandas will fuck you up

[–]thenixxer 0 points1 point ago

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how about the prizzly bear robocop bear from the colbert report...

[–]Therion596 0 points1 point ago

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They can smell the menstruations!

[–]cjmcduffy 0 points1 point ago

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Snuggle Bear!!!!! That guy owes me ten bucks.... Shifty bastard!

[–]Allisonaxe 0 points1 point ago

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bears are very trustworthy. I trust them to wreck my shit every single time, so I generally keep away from them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Sad to see that Winnie didn't make the cut for this banner.

[–]chewablemorphine 0 points1 point ago

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Huh, I didn't know Smokey the Bear was in Oblivion.

[–]code_rofl_copter 0 points1 point ago

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Smokey definitely has rape eyes.

[–]darthballs 0 points1 point ago

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Not for nothin, but if you're making the effort to put that koala bears aren't bears, you better do it for everyone that applies... Panda bears aren't bears either...

[–]panicking_man 0 points1 point ago

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I think the Bernstein Bears are in the wrong place...

[–]alexk6 0 points1 point ago

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What about the Bearspider?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Snuggle Bear is simply trying to get you to buy useless products that are bad for the environment.

Why would you call him trustworthy?

[–]sunshinearmy 0 points1 point ago

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Incorrect. Weird new shirtless CG rapist Smokey is not to be trusted.

[–]zombiecake 0 points1 point ago

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Red Pandas should be at the far left of this chart.

[–]ImAlmostInsane 0 points1 point ago

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You don't think its at all questionable, that Smokey the bear just happens to always be at the scene of the fire? Arsonist much?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Gummy bears with LSD might not be that trustworthy.

[–]Marashio 0 points1 point ago

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That bear on the far right looks pretty trustworthy to me, I wonder if he will baby sit my little sister for me so I can go to Tom's big party this weekend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Considering Da Bears survived longer this season than 28 other teams.... I'd say they're not questionable.

[–]rodneyruxin 0 points1 point ago

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Smokey the Bear should not be trusted at all. His message to exclude fire from the landscape has lead to disastrous results for our forests. Our forests need fire to keep them healthy. There are plants that need fire to regenerate. And fire is desperately need to reduce the amount of fuel for wildfires. Fire is a very interesting tool.

[–]t0n3 0 points1 point ago

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thanks for this excellent resource on determining which bear is the best bear. oh, and another question, do bears have beards?

[–]Zipwang5555 0 points1 point ago

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Smokey looks like he's caught in headlights.

[–]SmokeyDBear 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I approve this message.

[–]hypercube 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Bear with me while I check these facts.

[–]Whiskey_Fred -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Up boats for Manbearpig.

[–]mantipede -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Bear Grylls doesn't belong on there. Or anywhere for that matter.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]a_redditor 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hmmm...

[–]commandermuffin -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

WHAT KIND OF BEAR IS BEST!?

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