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[–]puddinhead 308 points309 points ago

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Ok, my first laugh out loud of the day.

Oddly enough, I'll be painting later today as well. Pray for me on my stepladder of doom.

[–]kingofsvedka 97 points98 points ago*

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As a Christian, my first laugh out loud of the day.

EDIT: I thought this was a rage comic guys. Just wanted to point out it was funny to some Christians too. Love you guys.

[–]MorningHaze 36 points37 points ago

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As a Taoist, my first laugh out loud of the day.

[–]TheChosenOne570 58 points59 points ago

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As a Tacoist, I fart a lot.

[–]bdelgado 12 points13 points ago

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DO NOT VISIT MALAWI!!!

[–]Chobeo 5 points6 points ago

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Do Not Listen To Mogwai!!!

[–]Coridimus 3 points4 points ago

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HERESY!!!!

[–]sierrabravo1984 2 points3 points ago

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We don't even have to burn him at the stake; all we have to do is make him climb a ladder!

[–]Chobeo 2 points3 points ago

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I'll bring the ladder.

[–]Skeledroid 1 point2 points ago

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gizmo.

[–]RobotBuddha 28 points29 points ago

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As a robot, beep.

[–]CaptainDexterMorgan 3 points4 points ago

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As an effeminate, golden, humanoid robot, I translate that as: "my first laugh out loud of the day"

[–]B5_S4 9 points10 points ago

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As calculon, NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[–]bearetic 6 points7 points ago

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As a redditor, my 18th laugh out loud of the day.

[–]mohlam12 7 points8 points ago

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As a Muslim, my first laugh out loud of the day.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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If you don't mind, why did you have to mention that you're a Christian and then say "my first laugh out loud". Couldn't we just all get along nicely, and you go "That was hilarious, Mine too..." ?

[–]HeyCrabman 40 points41 points ago

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Because it's the age old "breaking the stereotype" to karma formula.

LOLRELIGON STUPIDITY JOKE

and then

LOLZ IM A CHRISTIAN/MUSLIM/BUDHIST/POWERRANGER BUT I THINK ITS STIL FUNNY

so

HEY LOOK EVERYONE, NOT ALL (religious folks) ARE NUMBNUTS

And yet another karma fuck fest of tolerance ensues.

[–]matttebbetts 10 points11 points ago

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Yes. Youtube is full of those.

top voted comment: I'M ONLY 12 YEARS OLD BUT I STILL LIKE THIS OLD MUSIC. SEE?

[–]WannabeGerman 4 points5 points ago

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Is it wrong to want to punch them in the face?

[–]RayZR 2 points3 points ago

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I'M ONLY 13 AND I LOATHE THOSE TYPES OF COMMENTS.

am i kewl, gaiz?

[–]bearetic 3 points4 points ago

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Better than a fuck fest of hate. Although sometimes a good hate fuck can be pretty hot.

[–]mrfuzzy123 11 points12 points ago

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Because his "Lawls this is funny" means a lot more when he says that he's a Christian.

[–]The_Particle_Man 3 points4 points ago

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to who?

or would that be "to whom?"

[–]MikeC2103 4 points5 points ago

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It looks like an effort to identify with atheists to let us know not all theists are humorless or dumb. Which is perfectly fine.

Thinking that no one will try to start up a religious discussion here is a little naive.

I wouldn't mind a few less personal jabs at the theists willing to discuss things here.

[–]Schlessel 4 points5 points ago

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Whom

[–]Mezmer1zed 1 point2 points ago

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Pro tip! Use "whom" when you would say "him"

[–]RAAFStupot 1 point2 points ago

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Are there rage comics done with atheists as the subject matter?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Really? Was telling everyone you were a Christian absolutely necessary? And then you get upset when someone questions your faith?

Hey boys, I'm a girl! But don't hit on me silly boys!! I just want to be seen as equal with all the other boys... but it's so hard because I'm a girl! Did I mention I was a girl?

[–]Breakfeast 41 points42 points ago

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Well, this would be a better analogy:

Rage comic about a girl taking too long to get dressed

Girl: "Haha, it's true, even as a girl I have to admit I hate it when girls do this."

Male: "Since you're A GIRL, maybe you care to explain to me why men are so disadvantaged in custody suits? You should be ashamed of yourself."

Male2: "TITS OR GTFO"

Male3: "Make me a sandwich bitch"

[–]GTKplus 9 points10 points ago

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Thank you for perfectly explaining the utter rage I felt while reading the comments to that guy's post...

[–]Breakfeast 2 points3 points ago

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The comments wouldn't be so bad were they not being so vigorously defended by so many other comments... I can't believe what a taken-for-granted assumption it is among a large slice of the people here that if any person reveals the shameful fact that they have a religious belief, they should expect to be 'disproved' by a horde of clever atheists. And that in the course of regular commenting here they deserve this bullying treatment because their irrationality happens to be one with an easily targeted label. (Unless all the bullies happen to themselves be perfectly rational creatures, in which case I guess they can have such high standards without being hypocrites!)

[–]kingofsvedka 8 points9 points ago

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I'm not really upset. I very politely said no.

[–]DanCorb 6 points7 points ago

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Don't worry. You've already explained why you mention your Christianity here:

If you want your comment envelope to always be "lit up" just post "I'm a Christian herp derp" on /r/atheism. They will undoubtedly flock to you like piranhas to a bleeding fish

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

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Let's all pull numbers out of our asses to glorify God!

[–]pseudolobster 177 points178 points ago

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[–]notagoodfix 23 points24 points ago

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Dresden Codak! Update more often, please fuck please.

[–]fiercealmond 20 points21 points ago

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Comments on reddit, that'll show 'em!

[–]mindbleach 6 points7 points ago

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They might. Why do you figure each page takes so long?

[–]cefriano 3 points4 points ago

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I quote one this all the time but none of my friends read Dresden Codak, so they just look at me funny.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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thats it? theres no more?

AM DISAPPOINT

[–]dranek 9 points10 points ago

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Your grasp exceed grasp!

[–]AnotherDouchebag 119 points120 points ago

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Fuckin words... can't even describe... how much I hate people like this.

A friend of mine's father just go out of the hospital after numerous surgeries with a lot of doctors working long hours on making sure the guy was OK. When he got out, she posted "My father is out and doing well! Thanks be to the Lord for this miracle!"

Uh, what? How about thanks to the DOCTORS?

[–]Notahotchick 24 points25 points ago

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That's what the hospital bill is for.

[–]askheidi 52 points53 points ago

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A girl I know thanked God that she was blessed with twins the day she learned that she had miscarried both. Like, what?

[–]phillycheese 1 point2 points ago

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She was praying for an abortion which is not allowed by her sky daddy book so she had to ask sky daddy directly for one.

[–]aterlumen 12 points13 points ago

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Meanwhile all of the families on the other side of the probability of survival curve are mourning. People are inherently selfish.

[–]lovemyguitar 9 points10 points ago

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My sister's friend stepped in front of a truck recently. He's in the hospital. His former sister-in-law keeps posting things like 'keep him in your prayers, every prayer counts.' I just have to wonder to myself, every prayer counts for what? I'm pretty sure it's the doctors and nurses keeping him alive and helping him get better (he was just moved out of the ICU), not prayers.

[–]EldritchCarver 8 points9 points ago

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Even if you're religious, that kind of thinking is messed up. It brings to mind a petty god with an arbitrarily cruel plan. A god who knows the patient is clinging to life. A god who knows the patient has friends and family who are praying for recovery. A god who keeps a tally of prayers made, and when a certain deadline is reached, the patient's survival will depend on whether he got 49 prayers or 50.

[–]Swashy660 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit I love this comment! He should post this as a rebuttal. Also, saved for future use!

[–]Rachydoodle 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah I was a sick kid and always get 'God saved you!'

Heart surgeons saved me.

[–]Loud_Secretary 2 points3 points ago

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God made the doctors?

[–]magister0 15 points16 points ago

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God made the disease.

[–]Xyenon 123 points124 points ago*

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I really love it when Christians make easily falsifiable claims. I may not be able to prove a negative, but I can show you that this claim is retarded in about 30 seconds.

Edit: I stand corrected on proving a negative. Thanks guys, honestly. I had no idea.

[–]lordlicorice 72 points73 points ago

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I can show you that this claim is retarded twice for every year that life has existed on earth: its orbit is elliptical, varying vastly more than 10 feet, yet life doesn't freeze to death at aphelion or burn up at perihelion, even when they're coincident with local winter or summer.

[–]ExogenBreach 14 points15 points ago

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Every Christian reading stopped when you said "elliptical." Gettin' too far into science territory there.

[–]binarypancakes 6 points7 points ago

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"What does exercise have to do with this?"

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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Dont blame christians, blame this jackass.

[–]Xyenon 3 points4 points ago

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I wasn't blaming Christians as a whole, but they are the ones I normally deal with. I generally deal with claims like "God is love" or "God is outside the observable universe." Neither of these claims is, in the strictest sense, disprovable. But something like this can be taken down with some quick Googling.

It's much easier to be able to point to an obvious fact and say "here's why you're wrong." Not that facts are generally effective against these types...

[–]myalternatelife 1 point2 points ago*

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You can prove negatives. For example, you can prove that people don't have gills.

Edit: the "people don't have gills" thing is a silly example. There are many negatives you can prove. I can prove that I don't have a beard, or that cats are not dogs, etc., etc.

Edit 2: Proofs

[–]prescod 52 points53 points ago

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Not if the gills are invisible and magical!

[–]andan 19 points20 points ago

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Ah, I see you've played...magic-y...gill-y...before....

Ah, screw it.

[–]krypton86 1 point2 points ago

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It's magic-gill. So very, very magic-gill.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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No you can't. You can't prove that EVERY human that has EVER lived has never had a single gill.

You would have to individually inspect every human naked.

[–]Zohdom 27 points28 points ago

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I'm on it

[–]Valsung 2 points3 points ago

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ah the versatile bisexual.

if not, then I will take on your male load happily.

[–]krypton86 6 points7 points ago

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One of the laws of logic, the law of non-contradiction, is in fact a provable negative. A proposition cannot simultaneously be true and false. If you've ever taken a course in logic you've probably formally derived this law using the concept of the empty (null) set and the valid rules of inference (if not, you can read the proof for yourself in book on formal logic). Furthermore, upon doing this you will have formally demonstrated that it is not the case that one of the laws of logic is that you can't prove a negative, thereby proving a negative in the process of deriving the law itself.

Also, just to drive this home, the phrase "you can't prove a negative" is a negative statement. Therefore, if you could show it to be a true statement then it would by definition actually be false. The only alternative is that the law of non-contradiction is invalid, but if that's the case then logic as we know it can't exist. Which one of these two possibilities seems more likely to you?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Also, just to drive this home, the phrase "you can't prove a negative" is a negative statement.

It's a descriptive assumption that rests on another layer from the things it is describing. A sort of meta-logic. I don't believe that is necessary a true assumption but it's a good descriptor of negative arguments.

[–]krypton86 1 point2 points ago

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Well, I don't see how this is remotely metalogical, but that's beside the point. The point is that many people believe "you can't prove a negative"

...is necessary a true assumption but it's a good descriptor of negative arguments.

It's not a good descriptor if it's false, however, and it's most definitely false. If someone said "you can't prove a universal negative," that might be acceptable, but mostly because we can't time travel or visit other galaxies. It really has little to do with logic.

I'm sure some people actually mean this when they say "you can't prove a negative," but the fact remains that this is a false statement.

[–]iqtestsmeannothing 2 points3 points ago

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Thank you, it absolutely drives me up a wall when I hear "you can't prove a negative" -- mostly because I haven't heard any sensible way of dividing statements into "negative" and "positive" categories.

[–]JasoTheArtisan 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Flyingbuffaloman 3 points4 points ago

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Isn't "you can't prove a negative" a negative... that has been proven?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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No because even the statement "you can't prove a negative" may not be correct. In order to determine whether it is correct then you would have to evaluate every single negative statement that could possibly be formed.

[–]Flyingbuffaloman 4 points5 points ago

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Challenge Accepted. My descendants will contact your descendants with the results in a few millennia.

[–]krypton86 1 point2 points ago

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No. If you find a single counterexample the search is over. You only need to find one. Have you ever taken a course in formal logic? If so, you should ask for your money back.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Right. The discovery of a negative that can be proven would end the search. Until you found this negative you would have to keep searching.

[–]krypton86 1 point2 points ago*

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Yes, it absolutely is. My response to 290... above demonstrates why you're in fact right.

EDIT: Oops. What I meant to say is "Yes, it absolutely is a negative, but it hasn't been proven." My comment above explains what I mean. I get the point you were trying to make, though.

[–]nicksauce 2 points3 points ago

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Well you can still prove negatives. I can prove that there does not exist a rational number, n, such at n2 = 2. I can prove that there does not exist an integer, n, such that n is the largest prime number. etc. etc.

[–]mindbleach 1 point2 points ago

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The example claim is less general than "no human has ever had gills." It's that humans in general don't have gills. I think the medical community would consider that proven, considering the fascinated reaction a counterexample would endear.

In any case there are no physical laws stopping you from examining every living person in the nude. Their gill count is knowable. The general claim can be proven one way or another even if it never will be to your rigorous standards.

[–]tehpatriarch 1 point2 points ago

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Don't human embryos have gills..?

[–]Capercaillie 3 points4 points ago

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No. Human embryos have gill slits. They have a place for the gills, but no gills. 'Cause the lord, he's quite the joker.

[–]andbruno 17 points18 points ago

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SOMEONE WARN COLORADO

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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Original Facebook post.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Original Reddit post of a Failblog post of a Facebook post.

FTFY

[–]abbiistabbii 10 points11 points ago

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I think people who say shit like that are proof there is no God.

No God would create people that stupid.

[–]smithmikeg 10 points11 points ago

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AIRPLANES, HOW DO THEY WORK?

[–]audiomechanic 30 points31 points ago

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Check and Mate.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Can I skip the check and just go straight to the mate?

[–]Shred_Kid 6 points7 points ago

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Don't stick your dick in crazy.

[–]awh 1 point2 points ago

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Aah, the ol' dash-and-dine.

[–]spacedout83 10 points11 points ago

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Not to stereotype and assume, but this is probably the type of person who also sees nothing wrong with dumping billions of tons of carbon emissions into the atmosphere or depending on fossil fuels instead of renewable energy because "God put it there for us to use," & "God built the Earth to handle it," yet simultaneously believes a variance of 0.000000002% in the Earth's orbit would destroy everything.

[–]Mikevercetti 49 points50 points ago

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Yeah, I'd be pretty enraged if I had a Dell too.

[–]11oops 2 points3 points ago

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That one appears to be a model from 2005 or 2006, back when Dells weren't complete pieces of shit with components that were guaranteed to fail within a year.

[–]tfaft 22 points23 points ago

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I made this exact statement on a friend's status, along with noting how the distance between the earth and the sun varies quite a bit, and he responded with "Its the difference of 1 full year of being closer to the sun, raising over-all temperatures of the earth."

I figure this is incorrect, but we were both in a situation where neither had any proof.

[–]SgtCosgrove 42 points43 points ago

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He is not correct. Every star has a hospitable region which varies on the size and heat of the star. It is actually quite large and we would be able to survive as long as we stay within it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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If I recall correctly the hospitable region also moves outward as the star grows older and closer to supernova. So actually some day the earth won't be in the hospitable region. Of course we'll probably have a dyson sphere by then.

[–]diggexpat 2 points3 points ago

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Having just read 'Songs of a Distant Earth', the eventual death of our star, as we grow increasingly accurate in predicting it, will remind us that we really are just a blink in time. Not that we're likely to last 3 or 4 billion more years. That would make us the oldest species ever, besides the fact that we will have several, global snowball style ice ages (one due within the next few thousand years, if you dig on Gores spiky climate timelines) between now and then.

[–]VapidStatementsAhead 2 points3 points ago

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Maybe if we invert the subspace tachyon field, we can somehow get enough momentum to cause a planetary phase shift.

[–]ZoidbergMD 18 points19 points ago

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It's wrong because if we were in a situation where the world is inhospitable (to humans at least), then we would never have evolved.
Other than that, there are regions of the world that are unbearably hot/cold, so even if god made it all great, people still burn/freeze/drown on most of the earth's surface area.

Miracles all up in this bitch.

Other than that you could probably figure out how much more heat the Earth would be getting if it were x meters closer to the sun with some geometry.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Excellent point, or we would have evolved to tolerate the heat or cold. The whole argument is still bullshit though.

[–]agarnold88 4 points5 points ago

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Any time someone says "The surgery went well. It's a miracle!" in a hospital the nearest doctor should be obligated to say "Miracles all up in this bitch!"

[–]Capercaillie 1 point2 points ago

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Fucking geometry, how does it work?

[–]Astroid 3 points4 points ago

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Except that the sun isnt static and that those variations dont kill us even though they last for years. Or that it's actually possible to calculate where the habitable zone is.

[–]Bacontroph 1 point2 points ago

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Circumstellar Habitable Zone Wiki

I know people have an inherent mistrust of Wiki articles but the citations are solid. Variations in our atmospheric pressure would have a large impact on the habitability of planets in the zone which is why Venus and Mars both land within the range but are assumed to be lifeless at the present time.

There is an equation that allows you to calculate the amount of solar irradiation received by the earth as a function of it's average distance from the sun. If you alter the distance you can determine how much that would increase. Don't feel like looking for it right now but it is pretty fascinating stuff.

TL;DR - Your friend is an idiot.

[–]Baukelien 12 points13 points ago

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Inglip knows no mercy.

[–]V_T_H 5 points6 points ago

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I rarely laugh out loud at stuff.

This had me going for a couple of minutes.

[–]arqjr 3 points4 points ago*

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So hell is 10ft closer to the sky? Damn you Inglip you turn my world upside down!

[–]Jarofnails 10 points11 points ago

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I wish i could give more upvotes

[–]stackered 4 points5 points ago

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I LOL'ed

[–]soupahkoopah 5 points6 points ago

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Fact: There is no Care Bear called Bare Bear

[–]Tiger337 2 points3 points ago

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The earth is closest to the sun in the winter and farthest from the sun in the summer (for northerners). The difference between the two is 5,003,451 km. Odd, that isn't even close to 10 feet.

[–]verglaze 4 points5 points ago

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10 foot my ass, Scientest has actually verfied that we can be half way between here and venus before we could burn, and 2/3 of the way out to mars without freezing.

[–]butgasm 2 points3 points ago

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I think everyone is still missing the fact that the statement is a complete fallacy. The worst part is the people who "liked" it on facebook.

[–]sidcool1234 7 points8 points ago

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I laughed so hard, I almost puked and peed simultaneously. Well done, sir.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Ugh, one time I drank too much and did that. Deciding which one is going go in the toilet is a choice that no man should ever have to face.

[–]sidcool1234 1 point2 points ago

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One should be near a commode. Safest place.

[–]Dave_guitar_thompson 2 points3 points ago

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Haha, I have one word for that guy. Ellipse.

[–]MisterEggs 2 points3 points ago

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Dammit. I've left my phone upstairs.

[–]figgernaggot69 2 points3 points ago

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Is this a joke?

[–]benderson 2 points3 points ago

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"Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication"

[–]Animal40160 2 points3 points ago

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[–]servohahn 3 points4 points ago

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I LOLed mightily.

[–]earthforce_1 1 point2 points ago

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I live in a 2 story house - whatever shall I do?

Now I can never sleep in my bedroom again for fear of burning to death.

[–]ajronmejden 1 point2 points ago

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good one :D

[–]Quantumor 1 point2 points ago

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That fact is just mind-blowingly stupid.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]stopmotionporn 1 point2 points ago

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Oh fuck. I should probably get a ground floor apartment then.

[–]BrightFlight 1 point2 points ago

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Well this explains the mass bird death epidemic, and perhaps also addresses the death of angels, god and zeus pixies.

[–]Large_Pimpin 1 point2 points ago

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We have an elliptical orbit, surely the deviation from a spherical orbit is in the hundreds of miles?

[–]PoobahMan 1 point2 points ago

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I'm going to dig a 10 ft hole and use it as a freezer.

[–]FrozenInferno 1 point2 points ago

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Even if this was a true statement (which it's not), in no way would it say anything about creationism. It's so often that religious people will point out the complexity and specific conditions required to be met for our existence and use this as some sort of reasoning towards the likelihood of a god.

Their thought process goes down the path, "everything is the way it is because we exist", rather than "we exist because everything is the way it is". They like to think they're special.

[–]regularuser 4 points5 points ago

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The ladder does not make the earth closer to the sun.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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**fact

[–]Azhain 0 points1 point ago

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The planets all orbit the sun on an ellipse.

[–]MrTimofTim 0 points1 point ago

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As I live in an upstairs room, I am really quite terrified that our star will incinerate me when it rises tomorrow morning...

But seriously, how do things like this get started? I can half understand how Creationism/ID is easily believed- some organisms do give off (at least on the surface) the appearance of design. This however, as f7u12 guy proves is absolute crap. How can anyone with even half an education believe this?!

[–]TheMusicalVito 0 points1 point ago

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This is one of the fastest rising submissions I've ever seen on Reddit. And rightfully so. Terrific work.

[–]EyeballSandwich 0 points1 point ago

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does anyone have the link to the original post that this is from, I wanted to show it to my wife last night and couln't find it (thats what she said, yeah yeah) it's the "btw i'm eddie" post...thanks

[–]krypton86 1 point2 points ago

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It's on Failbook.

[–]BoyScholar 0 points1 point ago

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when checking a hypothesis goes wrong...

[–]Bobius 0 points1 point ago

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Shit...I fell off my chair laughing. I coulda sworn people always used that as an expression, but apparently it does happen :( I blame the wheels...

[–]Lishmi 0 points1 point ago

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I cant help wonder how long the 2nd name to be edited out is.....

[–]B1GST3V3 0 points1 point ago

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its farther not further. GAWD :P

[–]vanillarain 0 points1 point ago

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Can someone link the lengthy reddit post explaining why this is bullshit?

[–]amen420 0 points1 point ago

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Repost

[–]caitlinreid 0 points1 point ago

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I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time.

[–]MironV 0 points1 point ago

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The best counterargument to this is educating them about the antrophic principle. It'll blow their mind.

[–]OLEgend 0 points1 point ago

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If we somehow pretend that the lady's statement is true, should we really be impressed that God was only accurate to within 10 feet?

[–]Capercaillie 1 point2 points ago

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He uses a GPS (Godly Positioning System).

[–]Benutzername 0 points1 point ago

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Annual variation of Earth's distance from the sun: ~5km.

[–]IluvBread 0 points1 point ago

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I want these stupid friends as well =( Mine just complains about idiotic situations and stuff they got themselves into.

[–]StridentLobster 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, that was a good laugh. Thank you, tehassmanz!

[–]matlick 0 points1 point ago

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Even if it were true that we would burn up being even a few inches closer to the sun, it doesn't provide any proof of god

[–]craigisbeast 0 points1 point ago

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I wish I could up vote this more.

[–]TAFAE 0 points1 point ago

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I just wanted to thank you for making a comic here instead of starting a facebook fight.

[–]MagicSPA 0 points1 point ago

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Astrophysicists, or similar!

The Earth's orbit is not perfectly circular, but slightly elliptical.

It has at least one "closest approach" point, and at least one "furthest distance from" point. In between these points it changes in distance from the Sun.

My question is, what is the longest amount of time it would take for the Earth to move ten feet closer to or ten feet further away from the Sun?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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i will never use a ladder again

[–]anon-861 0 points1 point ago

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sneaky dell advertisement?

[–]munky_quack 0 points1 point ago

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I love facts, they are ever so fickle.

[–]zeroquest 0 points1 point ago

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Stupid. He was only 3ft closer. I call shenanigans!

[–]trolleyfan 0 points1 point ago

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Believers in god haven't got the brains god didn't give a rock...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]