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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]greyjay 658 points659 points ago

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I once saw a giraffe kick a pregnant lady on the bus then push down an old man. Plus they are always on their iPhones in restaurants. Total dicks.

[–]relevant_rule34 398 points399 points ago

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           ._ o o
           \_`-)|_
        ,""       \ 
      ,"  ## |   ಠ ಠ. 
    ," ##   ,-\__    `.
  ,"       /     `--._;
,"     ## /

[–][deleted] 177 points178 points ago

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It....it's so awkward.

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points ago

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Yep. It sure did live up to my mental image of how awkward giraffe sex would look (i'm not a weirdo). Now for the t-rex...

[–]Owy2001 102 points103 points ago

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Okay. (Also NSFW)

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 126 points127 points ago

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I regret seeing this.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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She bites his head off after mating.

[–]dental-plan 112 points113 points ago

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Sounds like my ex-wife...THANKS EVERYONE, YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE, I'M HERE ALL WEEK!

[–]vivvav 131 points132 points ago

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Could you possibly leave sooner?

[–]MPFarmer 5 points6 points ago

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Whatever, dude. I'd pay to see that guy.

[–]maltwyrm 8 points9 points ago

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This isn't quite Rule 34 for T-Rex. Shall we say Rule34a: If it has existed ant any point in history, there is porn of it.

[–]foiz5000 6 points7 points ago

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Seeing it? Hell you should HEAR it... Worst neighbors ever.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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that doesn't look enjoyable for either of them

[–]nexrow 25 points26 points ago

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... He is clearly a black trex.

[–]woodengineer 8 points9 points ago

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That is literally a third leg.

[–]moogle516 2 points3 points ago

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Angry Sex

[–]Thundershrimp 3 points4 points ago

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Tyrannosaurus Sex

A real Documentary on dinosaur sex. The more you know...

[–]schplat 68 points69 points ago

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NSFW and even more awkward.

[–]greyflcn 132 points133 points ago

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In the ass?

[–]elgevillawngnome 20 points21 points ago

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BUT I POOP FROM THERE!

[–]zero_cool1990 9 points10 points ago

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Not now you aren't.

[–]moogle516 7 points8 points ago

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[–]jread 18 points19 points ago

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Well played.

[–]Canadia86 39 points40 points ago

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[–]BannedINDC 33 points34 points ago

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I think NSFW is debatable. I mean this sort of thing is safe for the discovery channel, right?

[–]peteismurder 53 points54 points ago

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Yeah. I mean, we're nothing but mammals, baby.

[–]borion 37 points38 points ago

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I know right, sometimes i even like to do it like they do on the discovery channel.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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With a soothing voice over?

[–]AlyoshaV 18 points19 points ago

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With an animal?

[–]srry72 4 points5 points ago

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Doggy style?

[–]ProgressTheory 18 points19 points ago

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Unless you realize that NSFW is also the equivalent of NSYWYBTSYV.

Not Something You'd Want Your Boss To See You Viewing.

[–]userspace 2 points3 points ago

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You mean like reddit?

[–]Guybrush_Threepwood 13 points14 points ago

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geraffes are so dumb.

[–]fulloffail 36 points37 points ago

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fap fap fap...

[–]viagravagina 12 points13 points ago

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To each his own.

[–]meltedlaundry 50 points51 points ago

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Once you go giraffe, you never go rhinoceros.

[–]theswedishshaft 4 points5 points ago

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And once you go black rhinoceros, you never go back to white rhinoceros.

[–]fuckshitwank 6 points7 points ago

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That's not a relephant.

[–]shoutatchickens 14 points15 points ago

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At first I was ashamed that I clicked that. Since I had an idea of what I was going to see. There's no words to describe what I feel about the fact I went back to look again.

[–]GotTheHotsForMyAunt 5 points6 points ago

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Tingly?

[–]giraffe_raper 3 points4 points ago

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Mmmmmmm

[–]poetryslam 124 points125 points ago

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I'm currently being sued by a giraffe because a building I designed didn't accommodate people with "abnormally long necks."

[–]KeepMySecret 126 points127 points ago

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The word "abnormally" is offensive.

They prefer to be called "differently necked."

[–]grammargiraffe 128 points129 points ago

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Thanks. It's hard out there for a giraffe.

[–]YouOnlyLiveOnce 35 points36 points ago

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Talk about being in the right place at the right time...

[–]larholm 11 points12 points ago

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Happy birthday!

[–]Izzhov 8 points9 points ago

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You only live once, so enjoy it!

[–]voteforlee 14 points15 points ago

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Redditor for one year. You've been waiting for this day a long time

[–]werak 3 points4 points ago

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I'm just picturing him Ctrl-F "giraffe" in every thread, and leaving with disappointment.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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ya long necked freak!

[–]JayPetey 19 points20 points ago

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You ignorant neckist!

[–]un-re-impossible 11 points12 points ago

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Neckjobs anyone?

[–]jerstud56 14 points15 points ago

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One hell of a deepthroat...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Ambitionlessness 7 points8 points ago

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I don't care what you intended with your account but you're on par with this one.

[–]PropMonkey 39 points40 points ago

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They burned my village and raped my family.

[–]ShadyG 22 points23 points ago

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...and raped the horses!
And...rode off on the women!
And...plundered!
And...pruned! The hedges! Of many small villages!

[–]BajoranResistance 4 points5 points ago

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WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!

[–]Grx 17 points18 points ago

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they took our jobs

[–]la0zxb0ixx 6 points7 points ago

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DAY DERK ER JERBS!!

[–]77IM 22 points23 points ago

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They raped my village and burned my family.

[–]thedeejus 31 points32 points ago

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They villaged my family and raped my burn.

[–]mglee 5 points6 points ago

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You got to be the whitest kid I know. I hope people get the reference.

[–]meyouandmyfriends 7 points8 points ago

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That is so typical of a giraffe

[–]unrelated_topic 22 points23 points ago

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"Geraffes are so dumb."

[–]Prysorra 4 points5 points ago

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Hello fellow oldtimer.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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The giraffes at my zoo are always fighting, drinking each others' pee, and trying to mount the young ones (they are all males). We don't go to see the giraffes anymore. :|

[–]RememDBD 5 points6 points ago

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Giraffe's are such assholes that I once saw one and had a pregnant.

[–]karennc28 237 points238 points ago

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"I will eat all the leaves off this tree. And then the other giraffes will die!"

[–]daniel1113 102 points103 points ago

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I am an evil giraffe.

[–]duoizumi 33 points34 points ago

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Evil giraffes have been kicking Zebras in the face since 1703.

[–]GotTheHotsForMyAunt 13 points14 points ago

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Long before that dude - how do you think the unicorn lost its horn?

[–]histumness 15 points16 points ago

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Mine is an evil laugh!

[–]NeoSniper 5 points6 points ago

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Aahh! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

[–]hudders 8 points9 points ago

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I'm not sure I understand... is there any other kind of giraffe??

[–]GotTheHotsForMyAunt 18 points19 points ago

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Behold: the fabled Australian koala-giraffe: http://synthesis.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/giraffe.jpg

[–]Khatib 16 points17 points ago

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http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evolution%20Hoax/giraffes.htm

Tin-eyed that to see where it's from. Found this site...

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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Evolution: responsible for the arrangement of cosmic bodies.

[–]kog 7 points8 points ago

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That was a pretty hilarious read, thanks.

[–]7ypo 6 points7 points ago

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You evil herbivore.

[–]adan-nada 1 point2 points ago

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Can you do an AMA?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago*

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no, I am.

[–]OneCanOnlyGuess 9 points10 points ago

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Guns don't kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do too! ...if they've got a gun.

[–]TenzingNorgay 2 points3 points ago

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+1 for the Izzard reference...

[–]BrainSturgeon 6 points7 points ago

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Related comic.

[–]Black_Fusion 2 points3 points ago

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[–]fuelvolts 81 points82 points ago

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Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!

We sleep 2 hours but we don't fear the reaper We eat from trees and play mine-sweeper!

We weigh 3 tons and come from outer space Sent here to destroy the whole human race!

Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!

Vampire blood runs through our veins Our forked tongues wag driving you insane You'll be herded into camps when the time is right, where we'll eat your brains for our delight!

Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!

There's no escape we'll send you straight to @#$%* hell!

Drinking gasoline and spitting pure fire, we take to the skies on the leathery wings of a bat!

Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!

[–]duoizumi 28 points29 points ago

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[–]nanasaur 4 points5 points ago

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hulu doesn't stream in Europe :(

[–]TheAllBeing 13 points14 points ago

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[–]shocker4256 4 points5 points ago

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This is the best quality I could find on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVLcQUc552A

[–]newsoundwave 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Slates77 74 points75 points ago

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They just stood there while their child died.

[–]ZoopZeZoop 48 points49 points ago

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Way to make assumptions. That is actually the short Giraffe who killed off the rest of their families. They wanted him to die a slow death!

[–]syllabelle 16 points17 points ago

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So what you're saying is that the short one was the cocky motherfucker with Little Man Syndrome, and the tall giraffes had to

ahem

...cut him down to size?

[–]freudwasright 9 points10 points ago

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Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

[–]brett6452 2 points3 points ago

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Little Jon?

[–]andrewjs42 191 points192 points ago

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f.) Nothing. Scientists now believe giraffes evolved long necks in order have a more powerful neck swing in mating fights. They use their heads as clubs. More successful mating giraffes have longer necks.

[–]DrakeBishoff 85 points86 points ago

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That makes sense. They eat the leaves because that's all they can reach, not because it's what they want to eat.

[–]Persius 187 points188 points ago

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They'd actually prefer a nice filet mignon

[–]IYKWIM_AITYD 15 points16 points ago

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With a dozen Little Debby Zebra Cakes for dessert.

[–]PuffingtonHost 2 points3 points ago

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If zebras like zebra cakes is that cannibalism?

[–]TomatoChicken 48 points49 points ago

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Then why do female giraffes still have long necks?

[–]sctilley 77 points78 points ago

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Perhaps the long neck gene is not gender specific.

[–]4lulz 131 points132 points ago

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Because men have nipples, that's why!

[–]rossiFan 29 points30 points ago

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You can milk anything with nipples.

[–]drphungky 37 points38 points ago

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I have nipples, rossiFan. Can you milk me?

[–]digitallimit 27 points28 points ago

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Oh, I'll milk you.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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I bet I could milk 100 drphungkies.

[–]davy_crockett 10 points11 points ago

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Let's not get into this.

[–]FairlyGoodGuy 4 points5 points ago

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I'll bet I'm the only unmilkable person around here.

[–]andrewjs42 33 points34 points ago

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There is a constant battle between the genes of males and females in a species about what is most adaptive. This is an interesting article on how it occurs in humans. http://mikemagee.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/patriarchal-society-and-the-biological-battle-of-the-sexes/

The particulars of giraffes, I don't know. All I know is that the eating leaves from trees hypothesis didn't hold up and a simple google search could explain why.

Edit:

There are two main hypotheses regarding the evolutionary origin and maintenance of elongation in giraffe necks.[36] The “competing browsers hypothesis” was originally suggested by Charles Darwin and only challenged recently. It suggests that competitive pressure from smaller browsers, such as kudu, steenbok, and impala, drove the elongation of the neck so giraffes could reach nutrients competitors could not. This advantage is real – giraffes can and do feed up to 5 m, while most of their competitors, kudu, can only feed up to about 2 m (7 ft).[37] There is also research suggesting that browsing competition below 2 m is intense, and giraffes feed more efficiently (gaining more leaf biomass per bite) higher in the canopy.[38][39] However, scientists disagree about just how much time giraffes spend feeding at levels unreachable to other browsers.[36][37][40] Although giraffes can feed as low as 0.5 m and as high as 6 m off the ground, it appears that they most often feed between 2 and 4 m (7–14 ft).[40] However, elephants also routinely feed at heights up to 5 m (they knock down only a minority of the trees they feed on), and are likely competitors at these heights. Competition for food with other giraffes could also favor the evolution of tall necks.

The other main theory, the sexual selection hypothesis, proposes that the long necks evolved as a secondary sexual characteristic, giving males an advantage in "necking" contests (see below) to establish dominance and obtain access to sexually receptive females.[41] In support of this theory, males have proportionally larger necks than females,[36][41] and males with longer, bigger necks are more successful in dominance displays and courtship behavior.[42] However, a major criticism of this theory is that it fails to adequately explain why female giraffes also have long necks.[43]

Congrats you found the major criticism

[–]ZippyDan 7 points8 points ago

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OK. But discussing why a certain species evolved a certain way is really a question of what happened millenia in the past.

Is studying behavior and competition now really a valid method to discount the competitive browser hypothesis? The available flora may have been quite different thousands or millions of years ago, as may have been the competition from other species.

A long neck gives giraffes the ability to browse for higher foliage, it does not preclude them from browsing closer to the ground. That versatility may have been more important in the past.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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for fellatio.

[–]fuckshitwank 7 points8 points ago

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Because the zebras wear big hats to the cinema and always sit right in front of them.

[–]Unidan 7 points8 points ago

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g.) Herbert Spencer's "Survival of the Fittest."

Also, it's probably both.

/biologist

[–]DAsSNipez 11 points12 points ago

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They...used their heads as clubs?

How does anything with that sort of mentality survive?

It'd be like trying to knock down a tree with my face.

[–]andrewjs42 5 points6 points ago

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Ever heard of a ram?

[–]plastiqmanb 3 points4 points ago

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Ever seen a grown man naked?

[–]monsterflake 2 points3 points ago

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i'd like to see you try!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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The question is only asking which of the choices the diagram best illustrates. Even if you are looking outside of the diagram, your example would still be an illustration of Darwinian evolution, just not the one shown in the diagram.

[–]MrBacon 5 points6 points ago

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Well thanks Buzz Killington.

[–]greyjay 53 points54 points ago

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f. It is possible to be bored to death watching your peers eat leaves.

[–]jerstud56 5 points6 points ago

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e. It is possible to be excited to death watching others eat leaves.

[–]muad_dib 228 points229 points ago

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Geraffes are so dumb...

[–]distilledawesome 101 points102 points ago

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I'm surprised I had to look so far down the thread for this.

Reference

[–]nickbfromct 38 points39 points ago

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EDIT: spelling

haha I'm dying

[–]hivoltage815 13 points14 points ago

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I think people might have been afraid of finding themselves into a downward spiral of nostalgic downvotes. It would have been funny if we could have recreated it with all the edits, but oh well.

[–]7ypo 6 points7 points ago

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Wow, I wish I had seen that sooner.

[–]gfixler 4 points5 points ago

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The original people of reddit are all dead, because of the taller digg people who have flooded in and eaten all the higher leaves.

[–]MrObvious 19 points20 points ago

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Are you racist for long horses over gorillas?

[–]thealliedhacker 11 points12 points ago

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It's not evolution, it's natural selection. Things like this are why so many people don't understand evolution.

[–]WonkoTheSane42 17 points18 points ago

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Long horses.

[–]tias 7 points8 points ago

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Ironically, Giraffes have among the biggest hearts in the animal kingdom (to pump blood all the way up to the head).

[–]deathbyvaccine 27 points28 points ago

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Helping that middle giraffe would have been a pain in the neck.

[–]socks 8 points9 points ago

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That assumption is itself a bit of a stretch.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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nay; it would have been a tall order indeed

[–]sebso 49 points50 points ago

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geraffes are so dumb.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Reference

haha the best part is the third-to-last edit.

[–]ChronoMaster1324 21 points22 points ago

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In case you came here to check the real answer just to assure yourself, it's B.

[–]jameson 28 points29 points ago

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I think in order to illustrate Darwin's theory, the remaining giraffes should be fucking in the third panel.

[–]CydeWeys 6 points7 points ago

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Well, the correct answer according to how things actually work is B, but the image alone doesn't necessarily rule it out as being an illustration of Lamarckism. Maybe the giraffe that died because it couldn't reach food had two parent giraffes that lived in an area where food was abundant, so they never had to stretch their necks much to reach any, but now we are either in a different area or the food situation has become more scarce.

All I'm saying is it's a poorly designed question.

[–]kleinbl00 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ThisisBowietoBowie 3 points4 points ago

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But... giraffes read The Onion

http://i.imgur.com/L5ej1.jpg

[–]Dhghomon 3 points4 points ago

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Ctrl-F....Not a single Eddie Izzard clip? Okay then, I'll do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYcnEonB04E

[–]Kowzorz 8 points9 points ago

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It's theorized that their long necks are attributed more to their fighting styles than treetops. They're fucking brutal with them.

[–]causeproblems 7 points8 points ago

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I don't know. They just kinda hit each other without much enthusiasm.

[–]Peritract 17 points18 points ago

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that isn't true - look again. They don't use their necks like necks, but tentacles. This means that the long pauses are clearly due to violent combat with the other seven, invisible, tentacles.

[–]adan-nada 5 points6 points ago

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Somewhere in Japan somebody is making giraffe neck hentai...

[–]LtSmash 5 points6 points ago

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It looks like after two or three hits they get so exhausted and just lean on each other for support. I AM NOT ENTERTAINED.

[–]pastizzi 2 points3 points ago

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The beginning of this video kills me every time. The first ten seconds or so. Fucking giraffes.

[–]bangonthedrums 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Lyaxe 2 points3 points ago

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Geez, don't they learn how to share?
No wonder I can't find any giraffe on my seeder list.

[–]randomb0y 2 points3 points ago

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wow, never seen anything die and decompose so fast.

[–]KnifeyJames 2 points3 points ago

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I always thought Lamarck's theory of evolution would be cool if it were true. "Gee, wings would be useful right now." BAM. Now I have them, and my children will too.

[–]m3kw 2 points3 points ago

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OR that shorter giraff is too stupid to ask for some or go to a shorter tree.

[–]Evil_Herbivore 2 points3 points ago

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My plan is working. Ha, Ha, Ha.

[–]PontifexPrimus 2 points3 points ago

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[–]rampantdissonance 2 points3 points ago

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Looks like how republicans would like our economic system to work.

[–]messner 4 points5 points ago

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[–]AlderhemmaPensjonist 2 points3 points ago

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geraffes are so dumb.

[–]Phrost 1 point2 points ago

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What kind of class with questions that simple would reference Malthus? I don't know whether to be impressed or amused.

[–]Ambitionlessness 1 point2 points ago

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It's actually giravvess. Plural.

[–]annag02 1 point2 points ago

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Fuckin' giraffes, how do they work?

[–]LtSmash 1 point2 points ago

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At first I thought the giraffes were sporting goatees or something.

[–]gtrommer 1 point2 points ago

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i've often wondered how bad it would suck to throw up if you were a giraffe

[–]IggySorcha 1 point2 points ago

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[–]SadCow 1 point2 points ago

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f. all of the above.

[–]mathejs 1 point2 points ago

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Best illustrates...giraffes can stand in the same place for long periods of time while eating the same leaves.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]robman78704 1 point2 points ago

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Fucking Giraffes.

[–]Girrzimm 1 point2 points ago

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i wouldn't trust those fuckers

[–]JimmyJ0hns 1 point2 points ago

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Dam giraffe just couldn't find a shorter tree le sigh

[–]TheBluePanda 1 point2 points ago

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Giraffes are rock stars.

[–]kettl 1 point2 points ago

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[–]rossiFan 1 point2 points ago

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Just because they have abnormally long tongues they think that they can get all the chicks and do anything they want to do.

[–]MUSTARDKARP 1 point2 points ago

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I lost my brother the same way...

[–]WhyYouDoThat 1 point2 points ago

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Giraffe carcasses also deteriorate really fucking fast.

[–]unrealious 1 point2 points ago

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http://www.ikbis.com/MeeZan/shot/143457

I didn't realize that they sleep 2 hours a day but don't fear the reaper they eat from trees and play mindsweeper.

[–]RonaldFuckingPaul 1 point2 points ago

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Jr High must have had the day off from school today.

[–]giraffe_raper 1 point2 points ago

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Mmmmm

[–]nutz2u 1 point2 points ago

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Giraffes helped inspire next generation space suits so they aren't all bad: Video @ 7:32

[–]jupiterkansas 1 point2 points ago

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a giraffe stole my cheese grater.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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SO how does baby giraffe eat?

[–]slightlystartled 1 point2 points ago

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Izzard's theory of Evil

[–]JokerPlay 1 point2 points ago

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Actually choice c should be consider as e.

[–]camwow 1 point2 points ago

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It also shows that giraffes can stand in one spot for a very long time.

[–]exili 1 point2 points ago

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wait, Giraffes are human?

[–]damonstien 1 point2 points ago

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hah i just had this same question on a test and thought the same thing.

[–]Crafticus 1 point2 points ago

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f. Giraffe corpses decay very quickly.

[–]catrfelt 1 point2 points ago

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What is this from? First time I've seen Lamarck, Darwin, Malthus, and Lyell in picto-graphic form. It's... it's like an evolutionary meme mash-up.

[–]phazenator 1 point2 points ago

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The comic strip failed to show the giraffes' grief when they found out that their comrade suddenly suffered from instant death and decay syndrom while they were munching on some tasty leaves.

No wonder you failed that question!

[–]PHNS 1 point2 points ago

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This got to be like middle school, right?

[–]Howisdiscool 1 point2 points ago

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Damn those giraffes have been eating for a long time..

[–]bakam0n0 1 point2 points ago

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it's missing the panel where the two giraffes with long necks go do it.

[–]DarrelSirens 1 point2 points ago

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I had that same textbook in Biology class!

[–]chris-martin 1 point2 points ago

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Hey reddit, this guy has a defaced textbook!

[–]werak 1 point2 points ago

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A girl I know once mentioned "durafs" in an AIM conversation. I asked what that was, and she explained that they were the animal with the long necks.

She was probably 17, and didn't know that "giraffe" started with a 'j' sound.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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can't argue with that.

[–]ilostmyoldaccount 1 point2 points ago

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Answer a)

It stretched its neck successfully but died after it suffocated on the leaves it wasn't used to =(