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What the fuck did I just read. (imgur.com)
submitted 1 year ago by pavel_lishin
[–]nomdeweb 566 points567 points568 points 1 year ago
J. D. Salinger's work took a strange turn in the late '60s.
[–]flabbergasted1 178 points179 points180 points 1 year ago
Especially after that one time he shat on and blinded some chick whom he told his name was Gary.
[–]utterpedant 122 points123 points124 points 1 year ago
I was all ready to shit on you (like Gary shat on Melissa) for your presumptuous "whom," but then I realized (with a thunderous orgasm) that you used it entirely correctly. My horny levels have exceeded 30%.
[–]16807 41 points42 points43 points 1 year ago
Still, what a phony.
[–]utterpedant 38 points39 points40 points 1 year ago
Ease off, Holden. Proper grammar is always the right choice.
[–]BigSlim 32 points33 points34 points 1 year ago
Really, I was going to suggest Pynchon.
[–]Snufflesaur 21 points22 points23 points 1 year ago
That sounds like a line from The Life and Times of Tim on HBO
[–]Affero-Dolor 37 points38 points39 points 1 year ago
And that sounds like an advertisement for The Life and Times of Tim on HBO.
Look for season 3 coming soon!
[–]RonWeasly 472 points473 points474 points 1 year ago
if anyone's wondering about the context of this, this is from the author's website:
ONE PAGE: The Petals Fall Twice by Chip Zdarsky. (The One Page Series is where I post a single page from a work-not-in-progress.)
source
[–]happybadger 250 points251 points252 points 1 year ago*
To hell with everything. I was so excited to read this book in its horrible entirety. Heartbreak :(
edit: Hijacking comment to say that we can continue this wonderful book over in /r/Petalsfalltwice.
[–]YouveBeenDuplicated 467 points468 points469 points 1 year ago
Eh I lost interest the minute after I blew my load.
[–]Suck_It_Trebek 144 points145 points146 points 1 year ago
That's because you're blind now Mildred.
[–]temjrpgh 29 points30 points31 points 1 year ago
I can't wait for the blank stares when I drop this one-liner at work.
[–]nzhamstar 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago
Do I smell a new meme?
[–]haykuro 86 points87 points88 points 1 year ago
That's just the poop, baby.
[–]Baron_Grims 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
Totally lost it when I read this.
[–]spartex 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
Damn it! I love that line, I'm going to start using it in totaly unrelated subjects.
[–]rabidanimals 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago*
Want to start a subreddit where everyone can post a chapter?
Edit: Anybody interested, please PM me.
[–]happybadger 75 points76 points77 points 1 year ago
We already have a subreddit where people post godawful abortions of short stories. It's called /r/writing.
[–]Ad__Hominem 49 points50 points51 points 1 year ago
It's called /r/iama*.
FTFY.
[–]rabidanimals 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
Ouch. But in r/PetalsFallTwice, people would enjoy it!
[–]ENKOODABAOO 100 points101 points102 points 1 year ago
I was going to say something along the lines of, "More like why did you read 143 pages of this?"
Thanks for ruining my unbelievably average comment.
[–]dylanevl 40 points41 points42 points 1 year ago
It's so average! I can't believe it!
(If you get the urge to reply with "that's what she said" please instead punch yourself in the nads.)
[–]propaglandist 58 points59 points60 points 1 year ago
Don't mind if I do!
That's what she said!
ahhhhhhhhh
[–]dylanevl 24 points25 points26 points 1 year ago
You survived three punches without screaming? Well done!
[–]chewablemorphine 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Chip is hilarious, I saw him on a panel last summer at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival. If I recall correctly, he does a bunch of comics and gives out really bad advice and such for the National Post (Canada).
[–]SgtPsycho 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago
So glad no-one suffered the previous 142 pages.
[–]Drekavac 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
That makes it more interesting. I had assumed it was probably a one-off thing from the vicinity of 4chan.
[–]LazloH0 1072 points1073 points1074 points 1 year ago
I just discovered a sixth emotion to go with those other five new internet emotions: I want to share this with everyone but I can't personally send it to them characterized by the cognitive dissonance arising from wanting to share something that is either hilarious or horrifying (or both at the same time) concomitant with the pride, shame and eventual jaded let-down of realizing you've been on the internet for way, the fuck, too long.
[–]SexualThreat 75 points76 points77 points 1 year ago
This is precisely why reddit is a success.
[–]shiftylonghorn 134 points135 points136 points 1 year ago
Exactly. I can share things like this with you sick fucks and not have to worry about looking you in the eye.
[–]Levitz 585 points586 points587 points 1 year ago
It's known as the 4chan effect
[–][deleted] 133 points134 points135 points 1 year ago
Kinda like when you fart under the quilts. Then you stick your head underneath to get a wiff of what it smells like. You find it's so raunchy that you can't help but stay there for a minute. Eventually you come up for air because of all the water in your eyes, but you always regret not having a girlfriend to smother with trapped quilt fart.
I'm so lonely :'(
[–]IggySorcha 129 points130 points131 points 1 year ago
Downvote because I am one of those girlfriends who get tortured with that.
[–]fross 113 points114 points115 points 1 year ago
Hey, we get to deal with your cold feet and icy hands, all's fair in bed warfare.
[–]j_benj 34 points35 points36 points 1 year ago
upvote for you, sir. my gf's feet are like icebergs floating around underneath the blankets. she'll wait till i'm almost asleep and slide one foot over.. startles the shit out of me every time.
[–]Vsx 94 points95 points96 points 1 year ago
startles the shit out of me every time.
That's just the poop, baby. Let it work it's magic.
[–]asaturn 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago
I can't see now
[–]cw2P 43 points44 points45 points 1 year ago
Upvote because I am one of those boyfriends who get tortured with that.
[–]Custodian_Carl 52 points53 points54 points 1 year ago
"Gary was crouched over top and pooping all over her unbelievably average body."
If I had a dime ...
[–]flabbergasted1 110 points111 points112 points 1 year ago
It's like how the five tastes are sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami. What is umami, exactly? We just don't know.
[–][deleted] 104 points105 points106 points 1 year ago*
Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer your question, I don't know.
[–]bubba_shubba 63 points64 points65 points 1 year ago
one might say the same thing about birds. what are birds? we just don't know.
[–]flabbergasted1 30 points31 points32 points 1 year ago
If you must explain the joke, at least give proper, hilarious context.
[–]beauseph 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago
If you must contextualize it, at least excerpt it:
[–]bubba_shubba 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
i was hoping to not explain the joke, merely make a reference, and let the others discover it serendipitously :)
[–]obiterdictum 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
Thanks ants. Thants
[–][deleted] 150 points151 points152 points 1 year ago
It's of Japanese origin, and as such, probably describes the taste of bodily fluids.
[–]Patrick_M_Bateman 99 points100 points101 points 1 year ago
...vomited all over a naked young girl with blurred-out genitals.
[–]madcapmag 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago
While, I can only assume by your name, gleefully murdering her while watching yourself in a mirror and listening to Huey Lewis and the News, or perhaps Genesis?
[–]Patrick_M_Bateman 64 points65 points66 points 1 year ago
Lately I've been listening to The Cars. They started out in the late 70s as more of a guitar-heavy rock band, but saw the emergence of synth-pop as the "wave of the future of music" or "new wave." Their debut album, named for the band, defined their sound, using the lilting melody of Ric Ocasek's vocal style to create a haunting yet distinctive rock-pop sound that would continue through the band's career. Their sophomore album, "Candy-O" suffered from the standard sophomore album curse, giving the appearance that they had put all their best songs on their debut album. The opening track, "Let's Go," was really the only memorable song from the album. No, Cindy, pin her down with your thighs and use the paddle. Their third album, "Panorama," while rewarding to fans, didn't do them a lot of favors on the musical circuit, and they were in danger of fading into obscurity until their next album, "Shake it up" put them back on the charts with the album's title song. They were still a somewhat backwater band until their fifth album, "Heartbeat City," catapulted them into top forty stardom. This was the album that defined them, and its musical stylings were similar enough to their past that they enjoyed a resurgence of popularity as fans went back and found their catalog to be a potpourri of new wave tracks.
[–]ltra1n 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
Someone been reading Ellis and not just watching movies then?
[–]Patrick_M_Bateman 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Oh that reminds me - I have to return some video tapes....
[–]standing_committee 34 points35 points36 points 1 year ago
Can you show us your business card?
[–]jaybol 17 points18 points19 points 1 year ago
his billboard
[–]TheMojoHand 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
...in the process of being tentacle-raped
[–]CuntSmellersLLP 28 points29 points30 points 1 year ago
You should buy some MSG (with the spices in some grocery stores) and taste it.
MSG is to umami as sugar is to sweet.
Or taste an anchovy, some red meat, and some asparagus and ask yourself what taste they all have in common.
[–]Patrick_M_Bateman 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
Me liking them in general but never wanting to eat them again after reading this thread?
[–]mijj 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago*
they all have the letter "a" in common. The taste of the letter "a" is umami?
[–]Poultry_Sashimi 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago
Savory
[–]Shiggityx2 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago
umami = savory.
[–]CynicallyInane 16 points17 points18 points 1 year ago
"Savoriness"
[–]sweetberrywine 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
What are birds? We just don't know.
[–]TheWingedPig 18 points19 points20 points 1 year ago
Meat flavor.
[–]PippyPeppers 141 points142 points143 points 1 year ago
LOL, I was thinking the same thing. After I read I was like "what in the fu.." I gotta share this with.... who the fu*# is going to read this?
[–][deleted] 57 points58 points59 points 1 year ago
This is exactly how I feel about Electric Retard.
[–]HunterTV 15 points16 points17 points 1 year ago
Pimp exemplifies everything that's good about comedy. It starts off fine, and then there's the moment when it turns a corner into "shit you can't talk about unless it's comedy". It continues along that path for a bit, allowing you to get over the initial shock and giving you time to allow yourself to laugh at it, if for no other reason than, well, you've come this far.
And then, at the end, just when you think it's okay, it bitch slaps you into the event horizon of what's permissible as comedy just as your guard was coming back down, and you walk away feeling like
EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER
[–]elnefasto 27 points28 points29 points 1 year ago
Why? Just...why? (bookmark)
[–]svlad 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
I don't know why, but I just read every comic on that site.
[–]sje46 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago*
Well, what are you waiting for? We need a name for this. I posit "shareshame".
Or "netdown".
[–]yankeesuck850 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago
Absolutely! The writing is...maybe brilliant, and it's hilarious. But no chance in hell am I passing this along.
[–]DroppaMaPants 33 points34 points35 points 1 year ago
I'll just copy/paste this in lieu of my resume. Yes I love being unemployed.
[–]yankeesuck850 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago*
That's one of the best ideas I've ever heard. Either you get hired by a sweet-ass company that appreciates quirky talent or you get to stay funemployed and give your interviewer a great story.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago
I read it out loud to my sister. It must lose something once it leaves the internet, because she did not look amused at all.
Fuck her, IT WAS MASTERFUL LITERATURE.
[–]randomsnark 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
Fuck her
As long as it's silly and non-sexual.
[–]sigma_noise 179 points180 points181 points 1 year ago
I like how she got pregnant instantly...
[–]calvin-chestnut 246 points247 points248 points 1 year ago
She can deal with that in the morning.
[–]Calobi 200 points201 points202 points 1 year ago
Provided she's still alive.
[–]NELyon 41 points42 points43 points 1 year ago
Provided she's STILL ALIVE.
[–]MagicRocketAssault 161 points162 points163 points 1 year ago
It's from The Poop that took a Pee
[–]GeneralFailure0 56 points57 points58 points 1 year ago
Leopold Stotch is a literary genius.
[–][deleted] 33 points34 points35 points 1 year ago
Go back and read that page in Morgan Freeman's voice.
"It was...weiner poop."
[–]HexAddict 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
I didn't care for the sequel The One and Future Poopee
[–]AWRiddle 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
The first thing I thought of when I read this.
[–]c0pypastry 179 points180 points181 points 1 year ago
Phwoa.
[–]Don_Anon 98 points99 points100 points 1 year ago
From the makers of Peeny-Scented Soap.
[–]Kni7es 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Why does Billy Mays have to be dead? Why?... We need him now more than ever.
[–]jemminger 213 points214 points215 points 1 year ago
Excerpts from the next Twilight installment?
[–]xyroclast 32 points33 points34 points 1 year ago
Whoa, I made that joke too! Except I made it later :(
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Phwoa*
[–]semicolonihasone 92 points93 points94 points 1 year ago
Page 143 of the GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER!
[–]doug210 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago
I came a little
[–]4am_infomercial 66 points67 points68 points 1 year ago
Just a peeny bit.
[–]Warlizard 87 points88 points89 points 1 year ago
I suppose you found this "by accident".
[–]SantiagoRamon 17 points18 points19 points 1 year ago
Getting better today good chap. How many brews down?
[–]Warlizard 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
I'm lit. I rented a house from a model and she is telling me and my wife stories from her career. We are drinking my grey goose and having a blast.
[–]dylanevl 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
So exciting, I must reddit while we talk!
[–]aCastaway 149 points150 points151 points 1 year ago*
She slowly licked and tickled his peeny
Fucking lost it at that point.
[–]flabbergasted1 233 points234 points235 points 1 year ago
"That's because you're blind now, Mildred."
If I could go back and change my senior quote...
[–]baconatedwaffle 16 points17 points18 points 1 year ago
I think I remember that line from the shower/nervous breakdown scene in They Poop on Horses, Don't They?
[–]MatticusF1nch 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago
the phrase "sans peeny" was where I lost it.
[–]lousyshot55 38 points39 points40 points 1 year ago
Is it possible to reset your mind to a earlier save point?
[–]bane_hunt3r 31 points32 points33 points 1 year ago
"right slimy with anticipation of participation"
That's gold, right there. Like finding a diamond at the bottom of a cesspool.
[–]jud34 217 points218 points219 points 1 year ago
Where is Sure_I'll_Draw_That?
[–]Nodules 258 points259 points260 points 1 year ago
Masturbating.
[–]aldld 121 points122 points123 points 1 year ago
That's not a location.
[–]Kni7es 90 points91 points92 points 1 year ago
His bunk, obviously.
[–]oldstrangers 162 points163 points164 points 1 year ago
*masturbatorium
[–]goose_on_fire 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago
*creamatorium
[–][deleted] 43 points44 points45 points 1 year ago
Pretty sure you just offended both residents of Masturbation Kentucky
[–]flabbergasted1 44 points45 points46 points 1 year ago
I would think Masturbation has population one.
[–]aterlumen 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
Google maps wasn't much help.
[–]HailCorduroy 45 points46 points47 points 1 year ago
Hopefully far, far away from this post
[–]blademak 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago
He pulled a Dave Chappelle and fled to Africa after everybody started giving him major attention.
[–]Fishfisherton 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
quit asking and maybe you'll see him sometime
[–]Shusagi 15 points16 points17 points 1 year ago
Oh god no.
[–]antitrop 25 points26 points27 points 1 year ago
I'm fairly convinced that I laughed harder while reading this than any other thing I've seen on Reddit.
[–]doublesuperrobot 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
I read it like an hour ago and I'm stlll giggling.
[–]machpe 23 points24 points25 points 1 year ago
GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK
[–][deleted] 44 points45 points46 points 1 year ago
This is Tommy Wisseau's rough draft of the screenplay for "The Room"
[–]saynotovoodoo 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
This even tops the flower shop scene.
[–]helloimowen 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago
what's on page 144
WHAT'S ON PAGE 144
[–]ohlordherewegoagain 45 points46 points47 points 1 year ago
This seems pretty tame compared to the VERY NSFW blowfly girl.
http://rdk.homeip.net/blowfly_girl/wholestory1.html
ohlordherewegoagain is henceforth not responsible for any vomiting or loss of mental equilibrium.
Enjoy! :D
[–]Nodules 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago
So yeah, I skimmed it and read the word maggot there.
My back button is now filing charges against me for assault. I hope you're happy.
[–]suttin 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
I saw the word maggot and said out loud "Annnnnnnnnnd I'm done."
[–]sleepygamer 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
Upvoted for fucking disgusting yet compelling reading.
Good show.
[–]strager 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
Was I the only one really turned on by this?
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
tl;dr a girl stuffs a bunch of maggots in her vagina and keeps them there for several days
[–]tirdun 119 points120 points121 points 1 year ago
You've broken something inside me. Inside my brain. In a part of my brain that I like very, very much. I don't know what part it is called, as other parts are compensating by shutting down. Fail Safe. Must not think about. You die very badly in fire. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. You.
[–]youmademedoit 57 points58 points59 points 1 year ago
Dude, you totally broke this guy!
[–]Metasheep 30 points31 points32 points 1 year ago
Now who is going to take care of his cat?
[–]yul_brynner 36 points37 points38 points 1 year ago
Mildred. She is blind now and could use a companion.
[–]PleaseNotTheTruth 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Provided she is still alive
[–]decilios 84 points85 points86 points 1 year ago
At least it wasn't an Alabama Hot Pocket.
[–]animalcule 92 points93 points94 points 1 year ago
i don't even want to know.
[–]Ben_Boozaler 173 points174 points175 points 1 year ago
too bad! prepare to be educated. An "Alabama Hot Pocket" is when a woman lifts her legs above her head and spreads open her love tunnel while the man places his ass directly on it and then carefully squeezes out a nice fudge dragon right into the vag.
[–][deleted] 506 points507 points508 points 1 year ago
That's it. I'm done. I quit. Goodbye.
[–]millioneyed 223 points224 points225 points 1 year ago
Oh my god, we've actually lost one.
[–]shiftylonghorn 69 points70 points71 points 1 year ago
He'll be back. They always come back.
[–]CuntSmellersLLP 76 points77 points78 points 1 year ago
All too true. Once you over-stimulate the fecovaginal receptors, there's no quitting without horrible withdrawals. I've had to shit in my wife's cunt for the past 4 years because of one drunken evening of tacobell and experimenting in the bedroom.
[–]ddrt 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
I'm so glad I friended you and didn't dismiss this thread of posts.
[–]millioneyed 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
This is how the trolls are born. They come back... changed.
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points 1 year ago
Hit a little too close to home I guess.
[–]p3ngwin 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago
MAN DOWN, MEDIC !
[–]GoGoGadge7 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
RAMIREZ!!!!!
[–]bloed 69 points70 points71 points 1 year ago
Cosby Sweater: The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other 'bright, colorful' breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show".
[–]Gnolfo 24 points25 points26 points 1 year ago
Welp, I loved that show growing up and now it's been ruined forever.
Thanks again internet
[–]Yellowlego 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
Pure gold.
[–]bloed 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago
Pure blue, yellow, red, and orange as well.
[–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points 1 year ago
This is like a recipe for the most terrible yeast infection ever created
[–]ineedbeta 21 points22 points23 points 1 year ago
I've always known this as "Space docking."
[–]drukaree 23 points24 points25 points 1 year ago
You're thinking of a man putting his penis inside of another penis.
[–]jlindenbaum 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago
I thought that was called turtle necking?
[–]girlgeek 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago
No, that's just "docking". Space docking does indeed indicate vagina feces. Perhaps Alabama Hot Pocket is regional?
[–]granola_brother 22 points23 points24 points 1 year ago
fudge dragon
brb, chatting people up so I can say this.
[–]stronglikedan 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
Then fucks it and/or eats it.
[–]ghost521 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
[–]ineedbeta 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
Or an Alaskan Pipeline.
[–]thomasmcnlt6 37 points38 points39 points 1 year ago
http://zdarsky.tumblr.com/post/2837139960/one-page-the-petals-fall-twice-by-chip-zdarsky
A WORK NOT IN PROGRESS NOOOOOOOOO!
[–]Leet_Noob 32 points33 points34 points 1 year ago
Reminds me of: http://bash.org/?246405
[–]backslashgrizzly 30 points31 points32 points 1 year ago
Still better than Twilight.
[–]mcsharp 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago
I just wish more women knew how to just let the poop work its magic. And then change their name shortly afterward.
[–]ateatree 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago
So I did a quick audiobook style reading. Hope it disturbs you as much as it did me.
[–]jwdunne 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago
Dude...
[–]darthdelicious 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago*
Look at me. Look at your peeny. Now look back at me. Now look at the poop on your average body.
Your eyes are now blind.
[–]Feminizers 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
Me Gusta
[–]ketin0 54 points55 points56 points 1 year ago
Without warning she gave it a swift headbutt, because men liked that. All men liked that.
I was swallowing when I read that and almost shot beer out of my nose.
[–]meltingice 39 points40 points41 points 1 year ago
Are you sure that was beer you were swallowing?
[–][deleted] 47 points48 points49 points 1 year ago
read this in the voice of morpheus
[–]upvotes_for_italics 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
Are you sure that was Morpheus' voice you were reading it in?
[–]cubestepper 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago
Wow, who knew Stephanie Meyer had a new book out.
[–]OfficialPdubs 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
Dear women,
Please do not headbutt the peeny.
kthnxbai
[–]addition 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
And now a dramatic reading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9dAxXnPFVs
[–]treesnyc 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
This is the next Twilight!
[–]tazman2087 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
Am I the only one who wants to read the rest of this book?
[–]mikeliker 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago
(runs to office bathroom) fapfapfapfap
[–]BerkeleyBound420 24 points25 points26 points 1 year ago
Mike?
[–]mikeliker 19 points20 points21 points 1 year ago
Oh crap, they know!!!
[–]BabylonDrifter[] 19 points20 points21 points 1 year ago
I could be wrong, but it appears to be Furry Retard Scat Porn fiction.
[–]NancyGracesTesticles 43 points44 points45 points 1 year ago
It's never fiction.
[–]Gnolfo 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
There's a lot of redundancy in there.
[–]MrPapaSmurph 40 points41 points42 points 1 year ago
What is this i don't even
[–]jack_alexander 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
That was so bad I think I'm damaged now. He craps on her face?
[–]liturgical_libertine 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
I just told my wife
ME NEED SEX NOW INSIDE PLEASE
no sex slicking happened....what am I doing wrong?
[–]wholetyouinhere 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
[–]ChipZdarsky 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago
As the author of the eros in question, I just want to say that I'm very happy that my sensual words have reached so many people. If I could get at least one of you off, it will have been worth it.
[–]92037 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago
Isn't this Snooki's new novel? I gotta tell you it reads like this is something anyone from the Jersey shore would write.
[–]EtchSketch 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
I really want to clearase my mind now, Madison.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago
No, John. You are the demons.
[–]totallynaked-thought 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago
Am I the only one who thought of peterotica? She was a sexy Italian or some kind of Spanish. Read NY Betty white.
[–]fandom 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago
it felt like a quality bar of peeny scented soap in her hands
HAHAHAHAHAH
[–]blazin_today 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago
A page out of Sarah Palin's Memoirs?
[–]wh0isj0hngalt 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago
It's like A Clockwork Orange mixed with scatporn...oh wait, that's 4chan...
[–]what_the_deuce 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
Is this from the book Butters wrote?
[–]jorgesoos 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago
It was wiener poop, which is the grossest poop of all.
[–]StCosmo 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago
This is like the perfect storm of WTF.
[–]Leedimus 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago
Where did his peeny go?
[–]rabidanimals 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago
Into the hooha.
[–]jakersbossman 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago
fap fap fap
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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