You don't understand the implications of what you are saying.

Trust me, you wouldn't want to hear them. I went to Summer Rush (a Toronto radio stations music festival) in '09, it featured Bass Hunter and The Real McCoys along with Justin Bieber. I got there very early to be near the front row.

The average person cannot comprehend the sheer volume and pitch at which little girls scream. You have seen people cringe when young girls throw tantrums and yell ... Can you imagine this on a scale of thousands? of 10,000? I would far rather suffer through 40 minutes of highly-produced but god awful and generic pop music than 10,000 screaming banshees in heat. It's almost sick what i had to go through, i was 19 at the time and i was with 5 friends all male at the same age. Some were in the army, others in trades we are bar-going folk who fight often; but we were all crippled by girls under the age of 12.

I felt as powerful as a russian solider in a human wave armed with nothing but the bullets for someone elses gun, as though i were in a foxhole somewhere near vichy during world war I and there were pockets of mustard gas, mines and sniper fire across a dead-man zone i needed to escape else face severe disability or death. Literally the epic volume of their screams were causing me to become dizzy, i fell from the chair i was standing on because i became queasy from it.

It was not as though this was a 30 second ordeal when he came out, or when a popular song started, it was constant. It was unimaginable to understand how these girls found the strength in their undeveloped lungs to sustain those chords for so long. The MCs on stage would come and tease them with phrases like, "and coming soon we're going to have J--" and just the pronunciation of the first letter of his name "J" would have them as riled up as Yellowstone Buffalo in heat with bull horns taped over their mouths.

It was sickening, it made me feel awful and i could not handle it. Between every act the MCs would tease them with this half pronunciation and whether or not he was coming out as the next act the mere thought of hearing his name through a speaker system could ignite the most heartfelt screams in these girls.

A favorite act of ours was coming out after the 25 minutes Bieber set and none of us could stay in the venue (oh yeah, this was outdoors too). Between the 6 of us there was 1400 pounds of man meat and enough body hair to make a shaved grizzly bear sweat buckets in the arctic winter. But we couldn't handle it, a friend of mine went for an ear examination a few days later and had temporarily lost significant hearing. One friend of mine vomited. Yes, he vomited. Our escape even had to be planned, we yelled for security guards to escort us out with the claims that, "our friend was violently ill and his life was in danger if he wasn't evacuated". We sank to lying to get out of there, 3 security guards swarmed in after chatting on the radio and couldn't reach us only the 1 was still there. I saw guards try to get past the girls, and the girls were attacking the uniformed men because they were blocking their view of Justin Bieber. security guards were being attacked. I saw these guys starts pushing these girls over into screaming piles of children because they thought we were in an emergency, the 6 of us couldn't get out (mostly because we thought that pushing little girls would get us in trouble; and oh yeah between us and the exit was 10,000 lunatics who screamed far more frighteningly than Braveheart and less coherently than Glenn Beck after drinking a bathtub of moonshine and tobasco sauce). We were wrong, these guards starting going ape SHIT. Forearms braced and plowing down children to "save" my friend. I don't hold it against them, they had NO other options. We were dazed and confused, most of of couldn't close our jaws, we had the same looks on our faces as victims of a recent shellshock, adrenaline was pumping and we we using our human instincts to evacuate. We were all crouched over like we were barrelling through trenches as Stukas lighted up our lines. We would look at eachother with looks of desperation but one motive was always understood, "you and me, we are getting the fuck out of here right now" What's even more shocking, is that we weren't the only ones trying to evacuate. There must have been 40 or 50 people over 20 years old that followed the trail we plowed through the little girls to get the fuck out of there. Little girls listening to Justin Bieber live lose their likeness to anything human, they are less responsive than the dead and more belligerent than drunken scots after the Celtics lose a home game. We were dealing with monsters.

Sir, you are very very wrong in your assertion that screaming girls are more tolerable than Justin Bieber. I beg of you that if ever you face the unlikely choice which you just proposed to know the answer too, you reconsider.

edit: open up the comments below... there's golden tickets in there.