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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]easygenius 188 points189 points ago

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Despite questionable authenticity, I found this hilarious.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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Totally, anybody who thinks this is real, let me send you a t-shirt that says "Easy, Mark!" and a comma-erasing tool.

[–]havig 26 points27 points ago

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I will take both. Reddit people, you are so generous!

[–]Mixed_Advice 4 points5 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]sareon 207 points208 points ago

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Gold Jerry! Gold!

[–]Juice710 94 points95 points ago

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What's the deal with Ovaltine? Its not oval. It should be called Roundtine.

[–]bubbles19518 81 points82 points ago

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Why do they call them roofies? You always end up on the floor when you take them, they should call them floories.

[–]PhantomCheezit 32 points33 points ago

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and what is the DEAL with airline food!!!!

[–]TheEngine 69 points70 points ago

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These PRETZELS are making me THIRSTY!

[–]Antebios 36 points37 points ago

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Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint; it's delicious!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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And you want to be my latex salesman.

[–]ucantbeserious 5 points6 points ago

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Art Vandelay at your service.

[–]gustad 5 points6 points ago

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It was then that I told her that I was not a marine biologist.

[–]Zendada 2 points3 points ago

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Why do we drive on the park way and park in the drive way?

[–]jennytalia 307 points308 points ago

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Badum cheeeehhhh

[–]fsumoon 114 points115 points ago

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[–]Jerameme 17 points18 points ago

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What's in Stan Trimshot?

[–]honaker215 120 points121 points ago

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I was expecting something that wasn't musical when I clicked on that...

[–]lasveganon 30 points31 points ago

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I think maybe you were looking for instantrimjob.com

[–]p_squared 56 points57 points ago

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[–]aldld 45 points46 points ago

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Even better, http://rim.jobs/

[–]neotek 4 points5 points ago

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Haha. The fact that's real makes me love the internet that tiny bit more.

[–]TroyDowling 2 points3 points ago

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Everything went better than expected.

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points ago

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I still clicked.

[–]rafer11 27 points28 points ago

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Haha amazing. We should all send in gold colored rocks to C4G.

[–]sinrtb 20 points21 points ago

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I was let down after I clicked.

[–]osheallen 9 points10 points ago

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Rule 34 has made me scared when harmless words like "Rim" & "Shot" get put together.

[–]zuma93 31 points32 points ago

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That button is inverted...

[–]MananWho 47 points48 points ago

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You have to pull out the button. Like they do in Europe.

[–]DontTreadOnMeDonkeys 30 points31 points ago

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In Soviet Russia button push you

[–]BathroomEyes 12 points13 points ago

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[–]awesomerobot 11 points12 points ago

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Surprisingly SFW.

[–]LieutenantLudicrous 3 points4 points ago

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Wow! There are seven rim jobs available. I wonder if I'm qualified. Better go polish up the old resume.

[–]Avertr 9 points10 points ago

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[–]Geno098 78 points79 points ago

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I think that Mr. Haberny MINED a great response from Cash4Gold

[–]clarkycat 45 points46 points ago

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It's a real GEM of a letter.

[–]ThatVolcomGuy 65 points66 points ago

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He really did a be-Au-tiful job.

[–]psiphre 10 points11 points ago

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it is rare that i find a chemistry pun which is both appropriate and properly executed. my hat is off to you, sir.

[–]token_female 29 points30 points ago

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I've really taken a shine to this guy.

[–]ILaughAtLameJokes 168 points169 points ago

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[–]yumwafflez 266 points267 points ago

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Waffles? Don’t you mean karats? HAHAHAHA

[–]expectingrain 62 points63 points ago

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we're not doing that one anymore.

[–]lunacraz 75 points76 points ago

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you have to admit, that was fairly funny

[–]Roman_Scriptor 16 points17 points ago

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IOCULARIS, QUONIAM QUID PECUNIA/IV/AURO REDDIDIT DOMINO HABERNO, ERAT AURUM PURUM.

[–]neutronicus 2 points3 points ago*

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RATIONE QUAE ROMANA NON EST VERBOS TUOS ORDINAS. SUSPICIO TUUM MACHINATIONE SCRIBERE.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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Back to me, your gold is now diamonds. Anything can happen when you sell shiny rocks to Cash4Gold.

[–]btnheazy03 9 points10 points ago

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Purest gold you'll ever get out of Cash4gold

[–]A_Pointy_Rock 430 points431 points ago

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Don't worry, bro, I've got your back.

[–][deleted] 128 points129 points ago

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I hereby order you to make this page a reality

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ethomp 60 points61 points ago

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]NdecoyZ 53 points54 points ago

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Is ok friend, I have place for you. http://www.cash4plutonium.com/

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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Nice try, Doc Brown.

[–]bvanman 4 points5 points ago

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Hey, he's gotta get his 1.21 gigawatts somehow

[–]reddiquettePolice 17 points18 points ago

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Like the human meat website. It was shut down because people do not understand satire. Sad world.

[–]makehay 2 points3 points ago

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I don't think they were joking... (don't disillusion me either, please. i need this, i need to believe)

[–]boskee 10 points11 points ago

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[–]MykeXero 2 points3 points ago*

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The domain expired. I work for that domain`s registrar. Sadly, other domains on the account have been expiring without renewal as well, so this site may never come up again. Cybersquatters, get your nets ready :(

TL;DR: Owner is letting all his names expire for unknown reasons.

[–]MorningHaze 44 points45 points ago

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Do it right meow.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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License and registration, chickenfucker!

[–]cat_with_a_keyboard 28 points29 points ago

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=ಠ.ಠ=

[–]dmix 19 points20 points ago

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That Chrome theme is just awful.

[–]A_Pointy_Rock 19 points20 points ago

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Not my theme - found the screenshot online, but agreed.

[–]emgeemann 5 points6 points ago

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I personally felt catapulted into a spitting recreation of the interior of a CL63AMG Black Edition, confronted by a shimmering mass of polished aluminum. It just screams high tech and edgy

[–]facetiously 248 points249 points ago

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You had me at "quadriplegic hooker".

[–]lovethebomb 48 points49 points ago

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I laughed until I cried. I haven't done that in a long time.

[–]wpgcdn 63 points64 points ago

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They're people, you haven't "done them" in a long time.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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I usually cry until I laugh.

Forever alone.

[–]timbococ 619 points620 points ago

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Seems like a lot of really unnecessary detail for them to include.

[–]Jalisciense 1187 points1188 points ago

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It's because it's fake.

[–]m__ 234 points235 points ago

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Exactly, I mean who sends framed letters?

[–]ericarlen 83 points84 points ago

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A framing store.

[–]discdeath 19 points20 points ago

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If I got a letter that good, then there's no way that I wouldn't frame it.

[–]slkjfdhsd 11 points12 points ago

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well.. it looks llike Mr. Haberny tried to...

puts on sunglasses

frame them...

[–]I_R_FROM_YOUTUBE 969 points970 points ago

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FAKE AND GAY

[–]well_hello_there 243 points244 points ago

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I like this gag account very much.

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points ago

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I'm not a big fan of YouTube comments, even if they are on purpose.

[–]I_R_FROM_YOUTUBE 573 points574 points ago

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lmao u mad bro? u mad? ___^

Thumbs up if you agree! Thumbs up if Reddit.com sent you here!

[–]yul_brynner 237 points238 points ago

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19 people are from YouTube.

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points ago

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Hi Ebaumsworld!

[–]SmartHat 30 points31 points ago

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The 142 people that thumb'd down are from Cash4Gold

[–]workroom 9 points10 points ago

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that comment is feral and preposterous.

[–]OdessaOracle 4 points5 points ago

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although, i wouldnt be surprised if their letterhead was that shitty

[–]stillalone 122 points123 points ago

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They had to include it for legal reasons.

[–]DogNamedSnuggles 179 points180 points ago

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I am a lawyer and I can confirm this.

[–]IndifferentPorchdog 200 points201 points ago

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Of course you are, Snuggles.

[–]DogNamedSnuggles 97 points98 points ago

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Lawyer for dogs defrauded by Cash4Gold

[–]marshallwhat 76 points77 points ago

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better than Cats4Gold

[–]Jafit 22 points23 points ago

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Shipping would be a nightmare- Wait, do they have to be alive? Does the exchange work both ways?

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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It's actually an organization of cats who want gold.

[–]Mr_Tulip 10 points11 points ago*

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No, they just support the idea of gold.

[–]jordanmc 2 points3 points ago

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I thought they wanted to return the US Dollar to the gold standard.

[–]step1makeart 12 points13 points ago

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Hey! last time it was "I'm a doctor, let me take a look at your female dog who is in heat." very sneaky dogtor snuggles

[–]DogNamedSnuggles 18 points19 points ago

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OBJECTION!

[–]wjpeacoc12 7 points8 points ago

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proceed... counsel DogNamedSnuggles

[–]AbsurdSimpsonsClip 17 points18 points ago

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[–]BLUNTYEYEDFOOL 11 points12 points ago

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Jesus CHRIST that made everyone in the room jump out of our chairs and they're all yelling at me now.

quietly but belatedly plugs in headphones

[–]porkinz 5 points6 points ago

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This is the CEO's attempt to outline exactly what Mr. Haberny had been doing so it could potentially be submitted as evidence (showing that a letter on par with a cease and desist was sent) when Cash4Gold files for injunctive relief or something to that effect. The letter is believable.

[–]oops-anal 142 points143 points ago*

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Funny but fake. Here's a pic of what a letter looks like from Cash4gold.

http://i.imgur.com/2YYtZ.jpg

[–]cojoco 28 points29 points ago

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Is your username "mistake analysis", or "whoops, wrong hole!" ?

[–]oops-anal 23 points24 points ago

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I think you know... I think you know...

[–]krazykid933 13 points14 points ago

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Maybe Mr. Haberny gets extra special letters?

[–]obrien321 375 points376 points ago*

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I call on Redditors to get their free return envelopes and a can of gold paint. These guys have ripped off grandmas and the poor from coast to coast. And be creative; doesn't have to be rocks.
>Old remote? Gold. >Douche nozzle? Gold. >Your cat Mr. Fuzzles? Gold. >Actual Gold? Might wanna keep that. Let's do this. Edit: per request, here is an OP for our Cash4Gold campaign.

[–]PoonGnarfler 139 points140 points ago

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My roommate ordered at ton of those packages for me as a joke, knowing I hate that scam. I sent every single one of the companies a bunch of Ring Pops and demanded they be appraised.

[–]Sporke 75 points76 points ago

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... AND?

[–]PoonGnarfler 40 points41 points ago

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Somehow they figured out my clever ruse. Never did see a check from them, those bastards.

[–]CaspianX2[!] 5 points6 points ago

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Did you remember to paint them gold?

[–]LonelyNixon 20 points21 points ago

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It's a ring pop. The candy already looks like a big ass ruby.

[–]frickindeal 94 points95 points ago

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THEY DON'T CALL THEMSELVES CASH4RUBIES.

[–]Clown_Shoe 107 points108 points ago

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And they sent him back twizzlers.

[–][deleted] 108 points109 points ago

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Candy alchemy?

[–]Mr_Tulip 30 points31 points ago

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It's the tastiest form of alchemy.

[–]qnaal 12 points13 points ago

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And I always thought 'baking' was the tastiest form of alchemy...

[–]Tiak 16 points17 points ago

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You gave those bastards delicious novelty candy to reward them for their efforts?... You monster!

[–]PoonGnarfler 33 points34 points ago

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The plan was to drive them out of business through increased employee dental insurance payments.

[–]metalmartyr 4 points5 points ago

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You are a devious bastard indeed.

[–]jayhawkai 2 points3 points ago

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Kramer: those clothes will be noticeably musty in five years!

[–]yellownumberfive 36 points37 points ago

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I do this with all the prepaid postage envelopes that come with my junk mail - I send them back filled with other junk mail. I figure it costs them time and money to process it all, and I get some satisfaction from that.

And who knows, maybe the people at American Express are happy to get the Wired magazine renewal pleas I keep getting in the mail.

[–]PrimerThanYou 33 points34 points ago

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Add some pennies so they will be charged for an overweight letter. Then if they contact you about the letter, say the pennies must have been sent by mistake and demand a refund.

[–]pheartheceal 20 points21 points ago

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My toilet is ready

[–]XyploatKyrt 69 points70 points ago

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Cash4Haribo

[–]Funkyduffy 11 points12 points ago

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Why would you waste the most perfect gummy bears known to man? Disapprove. >:(

[–]ShaneOfan 4 points5 points ago

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Even better put the return address of another redditer on it. We can exchange useless crap

[–]misplaced_my_pants 6 points7 points ago

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What you don't realize is that Cash4Gold already owns the most commonly available brands of gold paint.

[–]zip117 4 points5 points ago

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[–]whats8 262 points263 points ago

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Fucking idiots. They'll be kicking themselves when the market value of gold-painted rocks skyrockets.

[–][deleted] 232 points233 points ago

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No they won't, they kept them.

[–]whats8 47 points48 points ago

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They'll be kicking themselves over the 2 thirds they didn't keep.

[–]Tonkatsu 46 points47 points ago

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I'm assuming he sends the same rocks back every time. Seems a bit of a waste to paint more rocks.

[–]I_Wear_Hookers 70 points71 points ago

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BLAH BLAH BLAH with your facts and logic, I'm with whats8 on this one.

[–]slow_as_light 86 points87 points ago

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I really doubt that this is real, but well done anyway.

[–]EpiceEmilie 29 points30 points ago

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This is so far from real that I can't even enjoy it. It's just preposterous; I can't suspend my disbelief long enough to find any of these jokes amusing.

[–]therearetwomartas 6 points7 points ago

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Feral and preposterous.

[–]Rambis 5 points6 points ago

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Hmmm, yes, feral and preposterous.

[–]soggy_cereal 11 points12 points ago

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Assume the writer is not trying to fool you. Can you appreciate it as a creative writing exercize?

[–]EpiceEmilie 2 points3 points ago

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Somewhat. I wonder if the exercise would not have been more successful if the writing did not seem so preposterous.

[–]filenotfounderror 207 points208 points ago

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I could send him a picture of a very expensive spider.

[–]ihahp 164 points165 points ago

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We don't talk about him anymore.

[–]Doc_Gerbil 14 points15 points ago

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Can someone explain this? I must've missed this expensive spider meme

[–]ihahp 106 points107 points ago

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it's David Thorne's story. Google "7 legged spider" and it will be the top link.

Reddit used to love him and his site. But then he posted people's addresses on Reddit after a redditor complained about not getting a book from him. Then all hell broke loose. Reddit hates him now.

Lesson learned: David Thorne is a dick to everyone. Even his fans.

So, that's why we don't talk about him anymore.

[–]BubbaJimbo 11 points12 points ago

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Well, for someone who doesn't talk about him anymore.... Just sayin'.

[–]TheCodexx 44 points45 points ago

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The kind with only seven legs?

[–]jawkneeman 10 points11 points ago

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But this time painted gold.

[–]valeyard89 19 points20 points ago

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They're only valuable and expensive until someone finds a six-legged spider

[–]White_Hamster 16 points17 points ago

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no, that's just a squid

[–]arsenal7777 67 points68 points ago

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Cash4Gold is a huge scam. Anyone who falls for that is an idiot. They take your jewelry and give you back 10% of what it's worth. Just google Cash4Gold scam. These people who run the business should burn in hell if only it existed.

http://consumerist.com/2009/02/10-confessions-of-a-cash4gold-employee.html

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points ago

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DAE find it remarkable that Cash4Gold's telemarketer owns two women?

[–]Zactar 9 points10 points ago

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Grammar! It's funny!

[–]C_IsForCookie 13 points14 points ago

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I'm Ron Burgandy?

[–]Madamemonsieur 8 points9 points ago

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No! I am Skeleton Jelly!

[–]antico 20 points21 points ago

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Interesting that the letter isn't folded, almost as if it's never been in an envelope...

[–]jenngwynne 26 points27 points ago

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The date is missing form the letter. I believe this pushes it further to the fake side.

[–]GrilliamG 13 points14 points ago

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You should sue them for stealing your rocks, amigo! They aren't the cops, they can't go around collecting evidence!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Well Reddit, you've just run a free Cash4Gold ad.

[–]Unidan[!] 27 points28 points ago

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I knew this commercial I made would come in handy one day.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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If this were real, I'd buy a framed copy.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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Feral

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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While it is well known that 98% of fraud in the United States has its roots somewhere in Florida, it is lesser-known that the vast majority of these schemes are in Pompano Beach.

[–]practicalize 2 points3 points ago

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I heard someone say something like this about Florida. Thanks for adding the insight. I'll look into that more. (I work with angel investor groups)

[–]parkman47 10 points11 points ago

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Why did they put rocks in quotes?

It should have said

your "gold"

if they were going to quote something

[–]Actually_a_Doctor 3 points4 points ago

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Anyone that actually uses Cash4Gold for money needs to re-evaluate their meth habit.

[–]mafahimtch 12 points13 points ago

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sheesh, all those fancy words and they couldn't manage to use the apostrophe correctly.

[–]pigferret 6 points7 points ago

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Look out! HERE COMES AN S!!!

[–]fishbert 2 points3 points ago

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Glad I'm not the only one who was annoyed by that.

[–]Diels_Alder 26 points27 points ago

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Who writes a business letter without including the full name of the recipient? Fake.

[–]CMEast 29 points30 points ago

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Businesses that don't have the full name of the recipient?

[–]prkleton 8 points9 points ago

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That's gold, Jerry, gold!

[–]thebearjuden 3 points4 points ago

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I wish it were real. I really REALLY wish it were real!

[–]heyfella 3 points4 points ago

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although there were lulz to be had, the truthiness of this whole thing is in question.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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We should all send various other objects painted gold and just see what the response is.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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The real disappointment here is that it appears catsforgold.com is no longer up.

[–]Castas 3 points4 points ago

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don't hold your iPhone like that :P

[–]original_4degrees 11 points12 points ago

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its funny how angry scamers get when you try to scam them.

[–]epeen 6 points7 points ago

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*telemarketers

My life is empty.

[–]cryptogram 2 points3 points ago

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Apparently mine too, as I did a search to find your post.

[–]dieselnut 2 points3 points ago

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Naa, man, that is the first thing I noticed and was going to post. You're not alone. In grammar we stand united... or something.

[–]veedonfleece 6 points7 points ago

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I am outraged by the grocer's apostrophe in 'telemarketer's'

[–]matlick 7 points8 points ago

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Funny how he used words like feral and preposterous but does not know when to use apostrophe s or when to use quotation marks.

[–]oN3xM 9 points10 points ago

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I don't even care if this is fake. Hilarious nonetheless.

[–]FezWad 4 points5 points ago

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Chinese food menu in background. Soooo hungry.

[–]vinsfeld08 2 points3 points ago

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White stock paper with a striking letterhead. Black frame around the edges, and a 14 point Times New Roman font, quaint while remaining formal. A hand-signed signature above a swift line of contact information. Jesus, it even has a watermark.

[–]WaitThisIsntDigg 2 points3 points ago

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pure gold

[–]tinkthank 2 points3 points ago

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I saw we start a campaign to send gold painted rocks to Cash4Gold. I think we should all claim to have found it on a 'spiritual retreat' from a place of our choosing. What do you say Reddit?!

[–]jsh33 2 points3 points ago*

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[–]Joe_12265 2 points3 points ago

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that...that was fucking beautiful.

[–]Verb916 2 points3 points ago

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Now THIS is what I call trolling. Well done sir.

PS - Jeff Arson has the worst signature I've ever seen. Seriously looks like an illiterate 8 year old tried to sign that. You should send the letter back to them and claim that you don't believe that was really signed by him and ask for your money again LOL

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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"ungreased, backdoor, Hammertime love making session"

lmao Hammer would be proud

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Now I have solid proof that there ARE stupid people out there!

[–]Ryannnnn 2 points3 points ago*

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Telemarketer's

[–]weebull 2 points3 points ago

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fried jumbo shrimp

[–]PSBlake 2 points3 points ago

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I thought I'd never be able to check off "feral" on my "Unusual words used in official company correspondence" Bingo sheet.

Now I just need "unctuous" for a diagonal Bingo, or "wombat" to score across the card.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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We get it, you have an iPhone.

[–]jonny80 2 points3 points ago

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This post is GOLD!

[–]destroythenseek 2 points3 points ago

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Almost as fraudulent as Cash4Gold!

[–]DeskFlyer 2 points3 points ago

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I wonder who sponsored this link.

Seriously, over 13,000 upvotes for a piece of fake stationery.

Great work, you Reddit hivemind idiots.

[–]cookiecache 2 points3 points ago

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[–]hansn 5 points6 points ago

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But I can still send them gold nuggets acquired in Tibet, right?

[–]DarvThader 13 points14 points ago

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yes but only if they were collected by a quadriplegic hooker or two paraplegic sluts..

[–]Leadpipe 10 points11 points ago

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Four useless limb minimum.