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top 200 commentsshow all 404

[–]roymustang86 204 points205 points ago

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reminds me of this one SMBC comic, where the dad leaves a video on the boy's computer saying:

"Son, I know you are watching porn, but there is one video on this computer which has your mom in it. I wont tell which one".

[–]Xineph 55 points56 points ago

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[–]outhere 95 points96 points ago

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Here's one -

Yell at my baby brother for messing with my stuff

Dad get mad

Dad tells me "You ain't shit!"

Dad hits me in the face.

Dad says "Stop crying you pussy."

...Yea. I remember that time.

[–]fedja 30 points31 points ago

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Dad says "Stop crying you pussy."

"When I want to see you crying, I'll hit you harder. Now man the fuck up."

Growing up in the Balkans is a hell of a ride. The funny thing is, that treatment didn't really fuck with me until I was 17 years old. My grandpa died, and I was infinitely sad to have lost him. I remember standing there, looking at the casket, knowing that this is the time you cry. Everyone was looking at me, and I didn't. I couldn't. For weeks, I felt like something was wrong with me, since not only did I not cry, I couldn't even though I sort of tried.

[–]Otra_l3elleza 8 points9 points ago

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i feel your pain, growing listening "i will smack you and give you a real reason to cry" left me unable to cry for the lost of my grandma. Still feel like shit.

[–]hypokineticman 2 points3 points ago

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hug

[–]Puddingfork 1 point2 points ago

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It's not really abnormal to not cry at a funeral or whatever, just don't give into that "If you don't cry at a funeral your a bad person" bullshit guilt tripping, it's not really anything you should worry about.

[–]fedja 1 point2 points ago

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Well... it's been over a decade, I've come to terms with where I am since then.

[–]robreddity 12 points13 points ago

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... and some folks just never learn...

[–]Man_the_fuck_up 2 points3 points ago

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[–]oryano 349 points350 points ago

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I would read a blog consisting only of dad revenge stories like these.

[–]buford419 316 points317 points ago

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No, you wouldn't. The site would grow too quickly and they'd be forced to take on retarded moderators to handle the massive influx of shit. Within a few weeks the stories would all be lame, made-up pieces of unintelligible crap. FML.

[–]asperger 177 points178 points ago

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And then Patrick Stewart stars in "Shit My Dad Did".

[–]schplat 19 points20 points ago

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Stacy Keach imo.

(Go watch Titus)

[–]dwhite21787 5 points6 points ago

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I really miss that show. :-(

[–]sgt_shizzles 14 points15 points ago

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I would begrudgingly watch that for a few weeks before growing bored, whiny, entitled, and miserable with it and only complaining on message boards about how its production went to shit and had no real purpose any more.

[–]Vercingetorixxx 3 points4 points ago

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You must be an Always Sunny fan. sounds like you've done this before!

[–]LookAtTheName 7 points8 points ago

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$h*! My Dad Does

FTFY

[–]freedomgeek 13 points14 points ago

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He said blog, not a site where everyone can submit.

[–]megatom0 6 points7 points ago

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Meh this shit screams fake as is, but still entertaining.

[–]RabidBadger 2 points3 points ago

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I agree that it seems fake, but you never know, some people get joy out of going to crazy lengths to be original / do something funny. I would believe that somewhere there is someone who would do stuff like this.

[–]megatom0 3 points4 points ago

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Okay here is why this screams fake to me. A beanie baby at the time this guy was growing up was a collectors item and they ran around $10. In the story there has to be at least 20 of these things. Not to mention either buying or renting a frog suit. This would run at least $250. What parent would pay that kind of money just to teach a lesson. Why not just take away the Super Nintendo. What does tormenting a kid with frogs actually teach a kid? Not to mention the time it would take to make and orchestrate all this shit, especially the puddy man thing. I dunno blatantly fake stuff like this pisses me off.

[–]Spacepopal 1 point2 points ago

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The fuck are you talking about son? The only beanie baby that was 10$ was the fucking Princess Di bear, they were normally 5 dollars

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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ShitMyDadDoes. If only this had surfaced before Twitter...

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Done: http://www.trolldad.com/

DNS still needs to propagate and all that.

[–]nickbfromct 24 points25 points ago

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you just wasted 10 dollars

[–]omicron8 22 points23 points ago

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Think of all the children in Africa who don't have a domain before you waste them like that...

[–]nickbfromct 4 points5 points ago

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think of all the children in Nigeria that work for guys that have a shitton of domain names and waste them so they can't try and scam my grandmother any more

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Luckily I have many 10 dollar bills.

[–]megadeus 1 point2 points ago

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I'm surprised that wasn't taken already.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah as was I. I'm actually not sure what to do with it now.

[–]megadeus 1 point2 points ago

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Put up the best trolldad comics from /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu?

[–]oryano 1 point2 points ago*

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How did you get all that content up so fast? edit: totes thought it was a troll

[–]annaswims 1 point2 points ago

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in the meantime, what's the ip?

[–]bolivious 129 points130 points ago

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It's hilarious to think about the Russian neighbor going along with all of these pranks. Wtf?

[–]gmpalmer 166 points167 points ago

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I have a few friends who would troll my kids for me.

We even have our first one planned.

On my eldest daughter's first date, we will scrub the house to a terrifying shine a few days prior to the date.

When the boy comes to pick her up, my very proper friend will greet him at the door in a tuxedo. He will look the boy up and down and say: ah, I see you aren't dressed. may I take your hat? Oh, you have none and then lead him into the dining room which will be set with our lovely platinum Haviland and our full silver service.

When he touches any piece of silverware, my friend will cough politely, indicating it is the wrong one.

I will then enter from the back door, boots muddy with a dead animal and a breeched shotgun in my arms. The dogs will enter as well. I will proceed to process said animal.

The friend and I will then converse. I will tell the boy that since he's not dressed anyway, can he help me with the butchering.

Should be a delight.

[–]FryderykFuckinChopin 120 points121 points ago

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My dad prided himself in terrorizing any kid that came to take my sister out. My personal favorite was her senior prom. While waiting in our living room for my sister to come downstairs, he asked the poor bastard

"So Pete, is there a lot of dancing at these proms?"

"Um, yes, sir"

"How do kids dance nowadays?"

"Uh...I don't know, sir"

"Why don't you go ahead and show me how you dance, Pete?"

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Dance for me. Now."

It was the one of the strangest things I've ever seen: a frightened 17-year old in a cheap tuxedo, awkwardly gyrating by himself in a silent living room, while my father stood with his arms crossed, staring at him with dead eyes.

[–]White_Hamster 6 points7 points ago

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Oh my god, I am using the shit out of this one!

[–]CaptainKatz 66 points67 points ago

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What if she dates a girl? Would that be considered trolling YOU, or would you go along with your plan?

[–]Brainstream420 18 points19 points ago

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Well if she was butch, she'd be kinda like a boy.

[–]Sarah_Connor 10 points11 points ago

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the boy

[–]CaptainKatz 11 points12 points ago

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But without the whole 'I'm gonna impregnate your fertile daughter the next chance I get' vibe?

[–]m2c 7 points8 points ago

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What if she's -really- butchy?

[–]CaptainKatz 2 points3 points ago

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The fact is, girls do not possess sperm. Unless she happens to be intersexed, which was not a variable I included in my scenario.

[–]doesntbodewell 3 points4 points ago

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Just because they don't produce sperm doesn't mean they can't possess it. What do you think turkey basters are for?

[–]squarezz 1 point2 points ago

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... to baste turkeys with right?!?

[–]marshmallowhug 2 points3 points ago

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I think that a girl would be equally terrified in this situation. Why wouldn't he go along with the plan?

[–]spankenstein 29 points30 points ago

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be prepared to offer him a proper tie and jacket so that he may enter, like at the fancy restaurants in the movies.

[–]threeminus 37 points38 points ago

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But it's gotta be real crappy quality, and hilariously over-sized.

[–]gmpalmer 12 points13 points ago

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Oh yeah.

That's a good part too--we're going to give him a bow tie and watch the poor boy struggle.

[–]spankenstein 24 points25 points ago

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be prepared for you daughter to get a whiff of the plan and troll you back though. what shall you do if he shows up in a full tuxedo and condescendingly points out your absence of monocle?

or even better, have a box of ties set aside (think kippahs at the synagogue), but make sure they are all either absurdly small or large, then make comments about how he doesn't even know how to wear it properly.

im giggling just imagining it.

[–]gmpalmer 25 points26 points ago

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I would give him a scotch and pipe.

I might possibly discuss politics, theology, and literature with him in my library.

Heck, I might go along on the date.

[–]Fyzzle 2 points3 points ago

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You may have to leave your daughter at home.

[–]takemo 12 points13 points ago

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I think that's pretty funny and all, but you better make sure that evening turns into lots of laughs from the kids (especially him) or he'll tell his friends what freaks you are and she'll get ridiculed at school the next day and probably commit suicide.

Well, maybe not that, but she certainly won't be happy about it for a while.

[–]gmpalmer 10 points11 points ago

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1) You're assuming my children will go to high school when they can go to community college for free

2) I'm pretty sure anyone who will want to date my children will be aware we have a freaky family.

[–]victorapplesmash 7 points8 points ago

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Suicide: The Ultimate troll.

[–]wabbiteh 9 points10 points ago

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It's good, but it's too over-the-top. Makes it easy to tell that you're pulling a prank.

[–]conundrumx 1 point2 points ago

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The prank is on the daughter, most fathers want to deter their daughters from dating for as long as possible.

[–]StupidLorbie 3 points4 points ago

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I fully support this plan.

[–]Heaps_Flacid[S] 12 points13 points ago

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I think this was my favorite part.

[–]BarcodeNinja 2 points3 points ago

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It's easy to think about if it's all made up! Imaginations are wonderful things, friend.

[–]bfodder 168 points169 points ago*

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I hope that I will be a father of this quality someday.

[–]akozlik 129 points130 points ago

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I hope to be a Russian of this quality someday.

[–]arbitrarycolors 26 points27 points ago

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And that's why you always leave a note!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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too bad the one armed man died when they left the door open with the air conditioning on

[–]White_Hamster 1 point2 points ago

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and that's why you don't teach your kids a lesson

[–]hobofats 4 points5 points ago

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agreed. this is a large reason for why i want to have children some day.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]verkon 74 points75 points ago

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that mom is fucked up. Little Brandon is upset because she forgot to send in the money for the trip, and she goes crazy because of it? That is one hell of a way to be good mother, "Don't be mad at me because I did something wrong, but god forbid if you do something wrong"

[–]reddoggie 61 points62 points ago

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Um... you just got trolled.

[–]Blackham 48 points49 points ago

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Perhaps you just got trolled...

[–]m2c 58 points59 points ago

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We need to go Derper.

[–]rubber314chicken 33 points34 points ago

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HerpDerpHerpDerpHerpDerpHerpDerpHerpDerp

[–]Zarokima 11 points12 points ago

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Poe (sort of). There really are parents like that.

[–]TheCodexx 13 points14 points ago

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Parents like her are a good part of what's wrong with this world.

I want someone to put her in a rough spot and then tell her "tough, I'm not helping you out".

[–]lebean 11 points12 points ago

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Either you're a meta-troll commenting on a troll blog, or you may have missed that her last name is "Testes-Harder" (among other troll signs) and that the site is just a joke. So, which is it? Don't be shy, we're all friends here...

[–]TheCodexx 14 points15 points ago

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The site is fake...but I know some parents that actually do stuff like that. Of course, when they pull this crap, it sounds like they're being reasonable on paper, but when you get into the details, you see they're just whiny selfish entitled bitches.

So it's more a reply to the parents that actually act like this than the fictional representation of them.

[–]EmperorSofa 7 points8 points ago

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Dude that's how my mom operates.

[–]albedo 2 points3 points ago

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Jocelyn Testes-Harder

There's NO WAY this could be an invented personality . . .

[–]Disobedientmuffin 4 points5 points ago

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That's brilliant stuff!

[–]FrontRow 4 points5 points ago

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How can she be real!?!? WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THIS!?!

"My kids already know who the boss is in this house. I removed all doubt one fine day when I pulled the car over and bested Phil in a long distance peeing contest. It's amazing, the things you can settle along the railing of a highway overpass! My kids were impressed too! They no longer put up a protest when I ask them to scratch my back, which is covered in long, rubbery skin tags."

[–]Mr_Adolf_Hitler 7 points8 points ago

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A rival appears.

[–]Weemz 4 points5 points ago

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Is she missing a tooth?

[–]rendezvousdoo 6 points7 points ago

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"I hope someone puts gas in your butthole and lights it on fire"

oh, the internet.

[–]librat2003 2 points3 points ago

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I saw that and loved it too!

[–]UNAlreadyTaken 6 points7 points ago

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that's just being a controlling bitch. i think she's the one that needs to be taught a lesson.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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satire, don't worry.

[–]Timboflex 6 points7 points ago

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This lady should not be a mother.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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it's satire, don't worry.

[–]dorsiasnice 481 points482 points ago

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reminds me of the Arrested Development on armed man lessons

[–]thisismyquestion 130 points131 points ago

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"...and that's why you don't teach lessons."

[–]mvpujols777 47 points48 points ago

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"To your son"

[–]jeffpfoster 28 points29 points ago

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"You taught me a lesson not to teach lessons"

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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and that's the last lesson i'll ever teach

[–]aussiebox 160 points161 points ago

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and that's why you always leave a note.

[–]obstreperouspear 62 points63 points ago

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So that's what that was about. I thought he was trying to get us off dairy.

[–]selmer 16 points17 points ago

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...and don't yell.

[–]AlwaysLeaveANote 10 points11 points ago

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Indeed.

[–]whiskeytango55 70 points71 points ago

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damn you. My whole "...and that's why you don't stick gum under your desk" goes wasted.

[–]ArJooDeJew 40 points41 points ago

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Oh, he's dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioning on.

[–]Usernamesrock 41 points42 points ago

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J walter weatherman I believe.

[–]hihatfedora 8 points9 points ago

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He just died.

[–]rvabikenerd 29 points30 points ago

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Because you left the door open with the air-conditioning on.

[–]paradime 18 points19 points ago

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And that's why you kids shouldn't yell.

[–]quentinp 24 points25 points ago

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And That's Why You Don't Use a One-Armed Person to Scare Someone

[–]thatdebasedword 1 point2 points ago

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The only scary thing about a one-armed man trying to scare someone is the fact that he feels that his one arm is only good for trying to scare somebody.

[–]madagent 5 points6 points ago

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This can only be the work of the Bluth family. Or one of the series writers in on /b/ now.

[–]WigNut 134 points135 points ago

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This makes me want to have kids so I can troll the shit out of them.

Too bad I'm on reddit.

[–]bombup 59 points60 points ago

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Also you can make them your little chore slave. I haven't mowed the lawn in YEARS!

[–]jvargaszabo 69 points70 points ago

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After about age 9 or so, I was transformed into a gigantic Dobby in the eyes of my mother, and was more or less a slave until I went to college. Which my parents are paying for. Totally worth it.

[–]Haroshia 25 points26 points ago

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Hey that's just like me except my parents didn't pay for shit. Totally not worth it.

[–]zombieaynrand 11 points12 points ago

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Did we have the same parents? My mom added tons of physical violence and threats and emotional abuse, just as a garnish to the slave labor bit!

[–]Haroshia 4 points5 points ago

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Yours too?!? We should hang out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I think we have the same mum....funtimes, eh?? Did she disrespect your privacy and generally break your trust too?

I think said parenting techniques were an utter fail, considering the fact that I no longer maintain contact with the psycho nut job that gave birth to me.

[–]zombieaynrand 1 point2 points ago

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Disrespect of privacy/breaches of trust: CHECK and CHECK.

I keep in contact with mine, but it's a decision I made after setting some pretty clear and consistent boundaries. I'm jealous of people with really loving relationships with their moms.

[–]DLun203 2 points3 points ago

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Same here. My brother's got away with doing absolutely nothing over the years while I raked the leaves, mowed the lawn, took out the garbage and cleaned the house.

Now I live at school. My lawn is clear, the garbage is always taken out, the house is clean and my some of my house mates get away with doing nothing.

[–]pranksterturtle 23 points24 points ago

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My uncle says that there are two reasons to have kids: to see what they look like, and to have something to laugh at.

[–]neTed 1 point2 points ago

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Well, you better get off here and start making them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I just do it to my friends kids instead, it's even more fun because you don't have to clean up.

[–]ani625 42 points43 points ago

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[–]bugdog 10 points11 points ago

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Oh god. I just had to explain to my mother what was so funny. The sheep story is one I'll have to tell my husband when I get back home.

Heh. My dad fixed my See and Say so that the track was off. The cow says baa!

[–]poop_on_you 5 points6 points ago

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My uncle did that to my cousins' See and Say. Unfortunately, the youngest went to Kindergarten honestly believing that the Pig says "MooooOinkOinkOink."

[–]JayTS 2 points3 points ago

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"If you do something wrong, just come and tell me and you won't get in trouble." "We don't lie in this household." Contradictions.

[–]Heaps_Flacid[S] 2 points3 points ago

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I considered posting this there, didn't think anyone would see it, however.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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Wow that's epic. My dad only pulled 2 real good trolls on my siblings and me:

Once he woke up my sister and went, "Get up! Get up! It's Christmas!" After letting her excitement build he broke the news that it was in fact both Monday and a school day.

The other time when I was really little he put my favorite toy under my bed, I wanted to play it before bedtime so he told me where it was. I ran upstairs and started crawling under my bed to find it when he yells upstairs "Just be sure that the monster under there doesn't get you!" I came out from under that bed like a bat out of hell, toyless.

[–]Foobu 67 points68 points ago

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No way this is real! One can only dream. Was entertaining, nonetheless.

[–]edstatue 35 points36 points ago

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Ah, but don't you see? The Frogdad, a fictional character, was able to troll and impress countless Redditors. The ultimate troll, I'd say. And the legend continues.

[–]TheUbermensch 19 points20 points ago

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It's not trolling so much as authoring an excellent work of fiction. Trolling seeks to get a rise out of it's audience, this is just funny.

[–]edstatue 3 points4 points ago

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True. I'd argue, though, that it's a friendly type of trolling in that the purpose was to dupe the audience, and that the sadness resulting from the discovery that Frogdad is fictional makes this author's work worthy of the "troll" label.

[–]aquapeat 3 points4 points ago

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while it may not real, there are enough people reading it that at least one of us is going to put these into action.

[–]Supersimmo 85 points86 points ago

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Wow.

That reminds me of the times my dad never did any of these things.

Sigh

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points ago

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One time my dad beat me with the garden hose. That dad of mine!

[–]darknecross 11 points12 points ago

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One time my dad was a garden hose. That hose of mine!

[–]Benjaphar 5 points6 points ago

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Just like the author's dad.

[–]ChiperSoft 1 point2 points ago

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The worst I ever got was having my limbs ducttaped together and all the scissors hidden.

[–]jonsayer 74 points75 points ago

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My dad used to troll my sister real bad. He used to tell her that the people in charge of the calendar made a mistake the year before by putting two extra days in that weren't supposed to be there. They had to correct it by taking two days out this year, which just so happened to be her birthday and Christmas. The whole family would play along, too. We'd say "oh yeah, I heard that in the news" and so forth. She believed it every time. We did this to her for years. It was great.

Now my sister backtrolls him by having him cosign on her apartment and then not pay her rent. Karma's a bitch.

[–]Perceptes 10 points11 points ago

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"Backtroll" just permanently entered my vocabulary.

[–]jaeldi 15 points16 points ago

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Is this person's childhood example of how people end up as regulars on 4chan?

[–]Heaps_Flacid[S] 17 points18 points ago

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I thought my parents were good at this, turns out they're smalltime.

[–]yacob_NZ 13 points14 points ago

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I am commenting (and upvoting) simply to add some heat. That is one of the most insanely genius things I have ever read about.

I need to know more of Frogdads shenanigans.

[–]Heaps_Flacid[S] 7 points8 points ago

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This is all he posted, unfortunately, I feel your pain here brother.

[–]Sleezy_T 10 points11 points ago

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Back in my day parents showed they cared by hitting you. At least that's what I tell myself.

[–]robreddity 14 points15 points ago

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Well to be honest, "Fuck off I'm playing Nintendo" would pretty much earn a dislocated head.

[–]jibijib 1 point2 points ago

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My parents used to smack me and my brother's on the arse for being bad. I can vividly remember the red hand mark on my arse everytime.

[–]psymon 11 points12 points ago

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I would like to purchase one of those "that's what she said" devices.

[–]harryISbored 9 points10 points ago

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My son is four years old. Thank you for this

[–]thelurkerx 10 points11 points ago

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We used to drive my mom crazy. She knew we'd wait for her to go to sleep, then sit up watching TV, and she'd eventually wake up, storm in, yell at us, and make us go back to sleep.

One night, we decided it would be funny to prank her. We took every single sock we owned and draped them over the blades of the ceiling fan. Then we made enough noise to wake her up. She came storming in, flipped on the fan/light switch, which we'd set to high, and socks went fucking everywhere. I thought her head was going to explode.

[–]Seffer 6 points7 points ago

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I hope I have kids so I can be a father of this caliber someday. And hopefully they will post my stories on the internet and i will be e-famous.

[–]saralk 8 points9 points ago

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If I was the kid, I'd do stupid stuff just to see what my dad would do to me.

[–]robreddity 8 points9 points ago

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It turns out kids tend to not need any reason at all.

[–]gadimus 11 points12 points ago

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Anyone else feel like calling bullshit?

[–]Fazaman 14 points15 points ago

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But it's nowhere near as fun if it's bullshit. Therefore I choose to believe. Don't tarnish my fun!

[–]gadimus 2 points3 points ago

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Sorry. I wanted to believe. I wanted to so hard but it really read like some elaborate webcomic.

[–]No_name_Johnson 4 points5 points ago

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Same here but you gotta admire his creativity.

[–]davejr 4 points5 points ago

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Everybody needs something to talk to the therapist about...

[–]yoshhash 6 points7 points ago

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my dad used to hide my glasses, sometimes for up to a week, to "teach me a lesson" if he thought I was not caring for them properly (sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't). I was too scared of him to confront him. Hilarious now, but it sure wasn't then.

[–]stevendfb 4 points5 points ago

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I can see frogdad as the mature form of bachelor frog, or bachelor frog who forgot to put his safety on and now has a kid to deal with (and too much time on his hands).

[–]Dracius 3 points4 points ago

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Odd... No one is calling this fake.

My reddit must be in offline mode.

[–]lintacious 4 points5 points ago

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All those stories reminded me of the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books.

[–]isankit 13 points14 points ago

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Funny despite the eye-straining color combination.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago*

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Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.802402155

My dad would punish me with psychological torture Drove me nuts. Here's an example:

As a kid

Tell Dad to Fuck Off because rm playing Super Nintendo 'Dad. displeased at my French. begins to formulate his plot

Wake up the next morning

A small beanie-baby frog is on my pillow

Scares the crap out of me

Shrug it off

Go to eat breakfast

Four cereal

Small beanie-baby frog comes out of box 'What the fuck

Go to school 'Backpack feels heavier than usual 'Check middle pocket 'Filled with, like, ten frogs

Am thoroughly scared now

Look out window to daydream as I often do 'Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill

freak out in class

Sent out to hall

Get home

Pitch black because lights offend drapes pulled

Turn on light 'ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE FUCK

Scream Heavy knocks on door

Tum around

Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door

Scream

Run up to room 'Lock the door

A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper 'Lift up frog

Take note

Read note "Open the door. son."

Scared, open door for frogman Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me

"I know it's you. Dad." I say. 'He says in a voice nothing like my father's: "It is not. Anon."

I scream He takes mask off 'It's my Uncle 'My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot

I pissed myself

Dad laughs and says. 'We don't say 'Fuck' in this house. boy. Now who's up for McDonald's?"

Seriously Dad where did you get all those fucking beanie babies from

E Anonymous 12102/10(Thu)21,52 No.80241)00(

»80240709 »80240984 »80240928 There was another time when, while I was sleeping. he drove me about five >miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived. The Russian man and woman treated me like I >had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up.

Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22•00 No.80241XXX »80241470 Frog-Dad here.

Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: porn [This was when I was younger])

I know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit

He just grounds me from the computer for four days

OK dad

Four days later, turn on computer

Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops >picture he made himself

Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7

He superglued a toy Triceratops to the tap of my monitor

It was like this for two weeks before he took it off.

He still has and uses that com•uter monitor, tricerito.s and all.

Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22,14 No 80242X101

Come home from school

Dad's over at a Bend's house

Decide to eat ice-cream

He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl

He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner

The next day

1 come home

He is standing there in the kitchen with a stem looker his eye with the Russian man from earlier story

Dad tells me to sit down

I sit

He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks ice-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever

He pulls out two spoons

He gives me half a spoonful

After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, >savoring every bite and slaking "MMMMMMM" and "00UUAA5HHH SOO GOOODDDIT sounds

18 I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down

18 I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides_ which I fucking hated

They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream

After finishing the dessert he gives Mr Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way. and then asks what I >want for dinner

Frogdad 12/02110(Thu)22:24 No.802431501

Make 'That's What She Said!" joke to my dad 'He is disgusted by that form of humor

Two days pass 'Find my closet empty but for one shirt

A Turtleneck sweater 'He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone opts i

ft records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a 'That's What She Said!"

Have to wear it for a day to school

I couldn't tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad

Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22,40 No.80244)90:

I remember one

Get in trouble at school for putting gum underneath a desk

I just know my dad is going to pull some crazy shit ,Two weeks pass from the incident

Wake up one morning

A single wad of putty stuck on the ceifing ,it begins.jpg

Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling

This continues for one week

Dawn of the Eigth Day, There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling ,What the fuck

Dawn of the Ninth Day. Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED"

Oh god I know it's you dad. I'm not scared. I'm not scared

Look under bed

A tiny hole man made out of putty ,Dawn of the Tenth Day. Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER"

Scared look in drawer ,Another tiny little man made out of putty

Dawn of the Eleventh Day: Putties form an arrow pointing to the window

Look out window

Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morning and very dark

I can't see shit captain

Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS FUCK MASK OH GOD

scream like a little girl

Dad runs in, 'What, What?I?"

MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD., wait, Dad? That isn't you? ,Dad tells me to stay the fuck inside

He runs outside

He and the Putty Man beat the shit out of eachather

Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge ,Dad con/es out of hedge ,Dad gestures for me to come out of the >house

I walk over to dead putty man ,Dad prepares to take off mask ,NOBODY UNDER MASK

Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme

Dad tells me not to chew gum in school

We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one

I think that this one wins. Can't believe I forgot it.

[–]somebear 16 points17 points ago

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... After finishing the dessert he gives Mr Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way. and then asks what I want for dinner

Moose Tracks ice-cream.

[–]Heaps_Flacid[S] 13 points14 points ago*

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Hey, thanks for the transcript.

It might be a little easier on the eyes if you formatted it just a tad. =]

EDIT: That's much better, thanks mate.

[–]Ronoh 2 points3 points ago

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The trolling was a bit excesive, but have to admit that the kid was not the smartest in town. Poor guy

[–]Protagonista 8 points9 points ago

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And I thought I grew up on tiptoes. My Dad would fly into an insane rage whenever I left the garage light on. Took me years to figure out that insane rage was just his preferred mode of operation. He just needed something to turn on the juice. Now that the kids are all grownup, he as newspapers AND Fox News. He's so miserably happy now.

[–]mostlycareful 4 points5 points ago

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The only way my parents trolled me was to have me run into the video store to drop off a movie and then when I came out the van was moved and I couldn't find it.

Parents, this may get you a laugh but it's not worth the trauma this puts an awkward child through.

[–]FaaipdeOiad 3 points4 points ago

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This guy must have attended the George Bluth school of parenting as well.

[–]PainusBrainus 2 points3 points ago

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Arm flys off "And thats why you throw out the milk carton."

[–]Sewermutt 6 points7 points ago

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... wtf did I just read?

[–]acerbicmom 2 points3 points ago

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This makes me rethink every parenting skill I have.

[–]Siegfried262 2 points3 points ago

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Call me crazy but with the frog beanies showing up everywhere did anyone else think of the Slender Man?

[–]Smnynb 2 points3 points ago

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Nice imagination he's got there.

[–]todddelray 2 points3 points ago

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funny story, but dad is psycho

[–]Mercuryblade18 2 points3 points ago

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There is no way that kid's dad is not an engineer.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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God I hope everyone that is thinking this is true is trolling me... please tell me my reddits isn't broken

[–]mage2k 2 points3 points ago

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That makes me wan to have kids just so I can fuck with 'em when they screw up.

[–]Boooris 1 point2 points ago

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Whooops, read that sentence without the "with"

[–]NewCleus 2 points3 points ago

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I've never wanted kids before this post. Now it seems tempting.

[–]Facepuncher 2 points3 points ago

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Hoping beyond all hopes this shit is real.

[–]Tief 3 points4 points ago

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I have my 6 year old son convinced that you turn on the car interior light by a mental switch. You just have to think hard enough. The switch is focused on the driver but if he really tries he can get it to turn on. I'll hear him muttering turn on turn on with his face all shrewd up trying to mentally turn it on. So I hit the switch and ask him to stop doing that.

[–]Potchi79 1 point2 points ago

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I had my 6 year old son convinced he could grow facial hair if he just strained his face and tried to "push" the hair out every day. I said he had to keep practicing for it to work.

[–]Khatib 1 point2 points ago

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And that's why, you always... leave... a note.

[–]redline582 1 point2 points ago

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I aspire to achieve parenting of that level someday

[–]EmperorSofa 1 point2 points ago

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After the first couple of times i'm sure i'd be scared shitless. After that I'd be carved out of wood, just getting pissed off when shit like this happens.

[–]lazy-bear 1 point2 points ago

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This is by far the best list of trolling by any means!

[–]SmokeyDBear 1 point2 points ago

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Suddenly I want children.

[–]FlyingSaucerAttack 1 point2 points ago

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I remember my Dad pulling a few pranks on me and my brother. The first scenario that comes to mind is this one time when I ran out into the backyard with my underwear on to grab a toy. I was running as fast as I could so that there was no chance a neighbor could see me. As I'm on my way back inside the house, my Dad yells, "HEY MIKE HOW ARE YA DOIN (Mike was our neighbor)?" My neighbor wasn't actually there.

[–]Sketch3000 1 point2 points ago

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I only hope that when I have kids I can be creative and effective rather than simply getting angry.

This remind me a lot of the J Walter Weatherman lessons on Arrested Development.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Trolling != Pranking.

[–]Weemz 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck S%!t My Dad Says, they need to make a show based on this guy called S$%*t My Dad Does

[–]GoLightLady 1 point2 points ago

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As a kid I could see that being annoying and scary as hell. As an adult, funny as hell. You've got a 'Shit my dad says' situation. Smart man. (?!)

[–]Vonthin 1 point2 points ago

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This sorta reminds me of Arrested Development where George Sr. Would hire the one arm man to scare their kids and to teach them a lesson

[–]khaos4k 1 point2 points ago

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This is like some wonderful combination of Calvin and his dad. Calvin's dad would always troll him, but simply by feeding him bad information. Calvin himself had the fantastic imagination and penchant for spectacle, like the snowmen meeting their doom. I think Frogdad is Calvin as an adult.

[–]fifth0 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me of arrested development. hah

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This guys dad is fucking awesome, hell with that lame shit my dad says TV show, we need this guy on TV right meow

[–]P_Bunyan 1 point2 points ago

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These would be so much better if every one ended in "And that's why you don't _______"

[–]IllBeBack 1 point2 points ago

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That's really some crazy stuff.

Shit, I'd be glad if my dad had ever done anything with me when I was growing up. Never even had a meaningful conversation. He was always at work, but when he was at home, he never had much to do with me or my sister.

:sad face:

At least I'm not that way with my own son.

[–]AlbertSnow 1 point2 points ago

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My dad trolled me by saying he could see through the road signs facing in the opposite direction. He could always tell us exactly what kind of curve shape was on them (like a single curve, an "S" shape, etc.) Didn't figure out for several years that he was just paying attention to the road we had just travelled on.

When my daughter was about seven, I told her that the orange balls on power lines were so that when the flood waters got that high then the balls would keep the power lines floating on top of the water. She believed that for several years.

The tradition continues.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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I am a bit shocked by everyone saying that they love this dad and want to be a parent like him. Unless they are trolling? In my humble opinion, what you are teaching your kids, is to never make mistakes because otherwise you will "get it" for weeks. And what is the fun part for the kids? Or is that not the point. In that case I'd consider it punishment. And very much out of proportion.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Me too. I'd never troll my daughter as a punishment. I prefer to troll her in jest