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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]CaptainHandsome 331 points332 points ago

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Whoever this guy is, he looks like he should paint landscapes on Sunday afternoon public access television.

[–]ICanBeYourHeroBaby 88 points89 points ago

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We do need a successor for Bob "The Boss" Ross...

[–]uno_sir_clan 109 points110 points ago

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Nobody, let me say this again, NOBODY

...can replace Bob

[–]ICanBeYourHeroBaby 79 points80 points ago

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You'll notice how I said successor and not replacement.

[–]michigan85 30 points31 points ago

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[–]soundclip989 4 points5 points ago

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I just spent like, an hour watching Bob Ross..

[–]Thumperings 37 points38 points ago

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I woudl watch if it was Zack Galifianakisisis

[–]Cuban_Nipple_Crisis 20 points21 points ago

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woudl yuo?

[–]ProfitMoney 15 points16 points ago

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Hell yeha bor

[–]cavortingwebeasties 18 points19 points ago

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he looks like he should paint landscapes

...or rule Iran.

[–]TheBluePanda 7 points8 points ago

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Or paint Iranian landscapes.

[–]SuperHappyHaikuGuy 200 points201 points ago

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Young Stephen Colbert.
You are so very pretty.
My Kinsey Scale moved!

[–]seth83292 173 points174 points ago

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Robert Downey Jr?

[–]Janus_Grayden 78 points79 points ago

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Looks more like a Serpico-era Pacino.

[–]sirernestshackleton 44 points45 points ago

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Female Cop: What is this?

Serpico Charlie: That right there is a tale of corruption and intrigue. The likes of which are gonna rock this city.

Female Cop: Spin Doctors Mix?

Serpico Charlie: I taped over the Spin Doctors Mix.

Female Cop: Sir, I do not have time to listen to your mix tape.

Serpico Charlie: It's not a mix tape...I'm ready to blow my whistle here. You know what I'm sayin' I got a laundry list of corruption charges, extortion, bribery, junkyard cats. This is nasty heavy stuff.

(Sorry, Always Sunny moment.)

[–]thenameisgabe 7 points8 points ago

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Well done Mr. Mare

[–]ghostvortex 26 points27 points ago

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bring back the Colbeard!

[–]BernardLaverneHoagie 24 points25 points ago

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Nah, Cat Stevens.

[–]Seachicken 8 points9 points ago

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[–]idreamofskiba 2 points3 points ago

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I never realized how much they look alike until I saw Due Date the other day and kept thinking "Stephen?"

[–][deleted] 224 points225 points ago

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That looks like a man I could be best friends with.

[–]doug3465 415 points416 points ago

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Nice try, Jon Stewart.

[–]Siderman1 9 points10 points ago

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Nice, we found him. Good detective work Doug.

[–]doug 19 points20 points ago

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Me? I had nothing to do with this.

[–]egmorgan[!] 121 points122 points ago

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No, that looks like a man he could be best friends with

[–]iHateusernames1 41 points42 points ago

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Or even these best buds

[–]Rubin0 64 points65 points ago

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He's just... so... Jewish...

[–]seiya42 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah... it's like there's nothing about him that's not Jewish.

[–]sam480 14 points15 points ago

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Except that shirt that he clearly shouldn't be wearing.

[–]asdfman123 20 points21 points ago

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Or maybe a man he could be best friends with? (Wayne Coyne, of the Flaming Lips)

[–]theotheredmund 22 points23 points ago

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Nice try, Tenzing Norgay. You already have your one famous friend.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I am the famous friend. Sir Edmund Hillary is lucky to have known me.

[–]abelnopst 16 points17 points ago

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Well, too bad, because he already made me a Razlet.

[–]RoyNeary 12 points13 points ago

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But what about the ho's?

[–]mylotron 14 points15 points ago

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Who needs the hos?

[–]theHappySquirrel 13 points14 points ago

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Virgin Colada!

[–]mylotron 14 points15 points ago

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No. Rum.

[–]PushTheLittleDaisies 9 points10 points ago

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Virgin Colada!

[–]wholetyouinhere 10 points11 points ago

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NO RUM!

[–]aryador 6 points7 points ago

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Certain locations prices will vary.

[–]SolShock 7 points8 points ago

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This looks like a man who had no problem being a baller.

[–]DipsomaniacDawg 489 points490 points ago

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Ah yes. Another long-haired college liberal who grew up to be a paranoid, condescending, self-righteous conservative.

[–][deleted] 224 points225 points ago

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His eyes look so full of wonder...

[–]kilimanjaro 181 points182 points ago

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That's the shrooms, man.

[–]MenacingVitamin 114 points115 points ago

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yeah, his eyes look so full of pupil

[–]ColdShoulder 14 points15 points ago

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Seriously, doesn't he look like he's tripping? His eyes are black...

[–]soggy_cereal 106 points107 points ago

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I'm not a paranoid, condescending, self-righteous conservative, but I play one on TV.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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:O We found him!

[–]L-Plates 24 points25 points ago

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Soggy_Cereal...SC.....Stephen Colbert!

[–]ravenrriddle 2 points3 points ago

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STOP PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS

[–]pfohl 19 points20 points ago

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[–][deleted] 41 points42 points ago

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[–]syzygote 68 points69 points ago

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Fuckin' art students.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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Hitler tried to start a movement that never took off with that moustache. So hipster.

[–]tajmaballs 3 points4 points ago

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Young Jon Stewart

Self righteous, condescending, maybe. Conservative, nah.

[–]SkinnyLove1 12 points13 points ago

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Fucking Hippies.

[–]the_Pinball 22 points23 points ago

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Woah. He is very very attractive.

[–]doug3465 92 points93 points ago

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I fucking love the hair. Sexy.

[–]domaurarigatou 65 points66 points ago

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I think I had a pregnant. I need for him to be the father of my children.

[–]chula198705 50 points51 points ago

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I would have so much sexual with him. Then I would make him breakfast.

[–]LANmine 43 points44 points ago

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Ah, the ol' breakfasexual.

[–]doug3465 45 points46 points ago

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The shining, sparkling eyes of a hero.

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago

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ill be in my lady bunk

[–]Schrockwell 4 points5 points ago

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Haha, I was Abe Drinkin for Halloween this year.

[–]BioQuark 11 points12 points ago

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If I were gay, I'd be in love.

[–]DrivingEtiquette 12 points13 points ago

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Wolverine

Holy shit

[–]bpat 220 points221 points ago

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I just had a pregnant.

[–]dafones 49 points50 points ago

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It's back!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Be_Are 14 points15 points ago

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It never left, it's just...incubating.

[–]neoncp 13 points14 points ago

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Bring back the beard.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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OP, did you scan that from your Northwestern alumni magazine?

[–]leakfrog 6 points7 points ago

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That's the first thing I thought. NU Alumni redditors unite!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I think it's just us and the OP. Not quite enough for an army.

[–]venpaca 25 points26 points ago

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he looks like a painter

[–]PersianSean 7 points8 points ago

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all he needs is a bit more hair and a public broadcast show

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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Is that really him or is this a joke?

[–]ShrinkingMudball 11 points12 points ago

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tineye shows no results, so whatever it is, it wasn't taken from the internet.

This picture really makes me think they are of the same person. The nose, the shape of the smile, and the teeth all look alike.

[–]sendingsignal 6 points7 points ago

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tineye has a very small amount of the internet crawled right now, unfortunately.

[–]handbiter 4 points5 points ago

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If it's a joke, someone went to the trouble of photoshopping the freckles on his neck. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7b/Stephen_Colbert_and_sons_by_David_Shankbone.jpg

[–]balaklavaman067 11 points12 points ago

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Mr. Noblet was one sexy, sexy man...

[–]rasterizedjelly 7 points8 points ago

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I wanna make his pinky allllllll stinky.

[–]metalola 416 points417 points ago*

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gasp

Lady boner.

[–]accendrez 199 points200 points ago

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My Dad's ex-gf dated him in college. She said he was a geek. lol

[–]kintaeb 16 points17 points ago

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That was obvious from all the nerd humor he puts in his show.

[–]metalola 85 points86 points ago

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ugh, lucky girl!

[–]bribbit 249 points250 points ago*

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See ladies, this is why you should make sure to get all the geek you can before it's too late.

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 27 points28 points ago

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As a real man, I am gonna marry a nerdy girl. Can I have a few options?

[–]BuzzardB 18 points19 points ago

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Geeky gals are the best. It's too bad they are much fewer and further between than us geeky guys.

[–]Void77 22 points23 points ago

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agreed, Geeky ladys, NERDY GUY HERE, CURRENTLY DEVELOPING AN IPHONE GAME AND HEADING INTO VISUAL EFFECTS FOR MOVIES AND GAMES

sexy eh? eh?

[–]Vercingetorixxx 9 points10 points ago

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Any girl who wouldn't think visual effects for film is somewhat interesting sounds boring.

[–]betterbadger 3 points4 points ago*

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Hey, maybe we are just better at hiding our inner geek. If you looked at me or had a normal conversation with me, you wouldn't know that I used to play Baldur's Gate religiously, love Risk, am not that good at Magic but give me a refresher and we can go at it, and have always had a soft spot for Dungeons and Dragons. Or that I love Star Wars and you will probably will be wrong in an argument with me about it and have always had a slight obsession with Legos and Dinosaurs, or that to pass time I do math problems and crosswords.

There are more of us than you think, you just have to dig a little deeper.

Edit: I realized how far away from my childhood I am :-(.

[–]Vercingetorixxx 3 points4 points ago

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True geeks would never misspell Balder's name. I bet your favorite Star Trek character is Han Sulu.

[–]metalola 10 points11 points ago

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I dont think I've ever dated someone who wasnt a geek.

[–]mrchunks 19 points20 points ago

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This kind of geek or this kind of geek?

[–]metalola 9 points10 points ago

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Unfortunately both...

[–]mrchunks 12 points13 points ago

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Yeah.. geek type number two look like a bunch of arseholes.

[–]mcbeardedclam 9 points10 points ago

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You mean they are attractive?

[–]phort99 6 points7 points ago

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[–]metalola 7 points8 points ago

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Well I dated a juggler who was in Cirque du Soleil once...

[–]cheesesticks47 49 points50 points ago

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my cousin's best friend's aunt's next door neighbor's doctor's patient met him that one time and said he was just the coolest

[–]tandembandit 51 points52 points ago

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Yeah?!? Well, I know this guy on the internet, whose dad's ex-girlfriend once dated him in college, so nyah!

[–]chrisreverb 8 points9 points ago

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My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Stephen pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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It's because he acted like a geek when he was naturally cool at heart. A big natural attractor (for many women and men) are attractive yet mellowly humble intelligent geeks. They're also a very rare breed that many like to attempt to emulate but generally fail to do so correctly.

[–]seiya42 7 points8 points ago

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Uncomfortable-Truthasaurus? Is that you?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Your dad is Stephen Colbert?!?!

[–]Fergi 76 points77 points ago

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Hell, I just got an 'ol fashioned man boner...I think Stephen just turned me gay.

I am only surprised this didn't happen sooner.

[–]antc1986 71 points72 points ago

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Dude, it's just a broner, nothing gay about it.

[–]Fergi 10 points11 points ago

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I don't know how I haven't seen that FoD vid before. Classic.

[–]bloog 5 points6 points ago

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He shoulda said this friendship is brover.

[–]lionelboydjohnson 4 points5 points ago*

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I suddenly feel better about being socially awkward after watching this video. I guess I'm a "Curtis" (and that most guys are dicks).

[–]LoudmouthedBitch 9 points10 points ago

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I thought baby carrots were supposed to do that.

[–]bpat 25 points26 points ago

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Carrots? Don't you mean waffles? HAHAHAHAHA

I would like to point out the relevance of this statement to Colbert.

[–]LoudmouthedBitch 4 points5 points ago

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Fffuuuu… I walked right into that one.

[–]Lifegear 7 points8 points ago

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Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - livin' on a meme.

[–]deadpoetic333 8 points9 points ago

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There's just something so charming about him in this picture. Maybe it's the beard, or eyes filled with ambition. Either way, I've found my new man crush. Sorry, Depp.

[–]SnappyTWC 6 points7 points ago

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It's not gay if you both have beards.

[–]h0w412d21 30 points31 points ago

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There's no word for lady boner? Suit up, internetz! We have a mission!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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He popped her hood.

[–]obvious_nsfw_alt 19 points20 points ago

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I've always heard "make wet". As in "that gives me a boner" vs "that makes me wet".

[–]XXXBad2DaBoneXXX 3 points4 points ago

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I like the term snail trail

[–]earthbound_loveship 12 points13 points ago

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[–]SerratusAnterior 11 points12 points ago

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Safe for work, unsafe for penis.

[–]metalola 20 points21 points ago

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I once heard.. "wide-on" as in instead of a hard-on... but I dont like it as much as lady boner.

[–]LoudmouthedBitch 23 points24 points ago

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But it does get hard… I don't understand. Maybe I've said too much… 

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]gayngineer 23 points24 points ago

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I'm gay and an engineer. I didn't know where pee came out of women until a couple of years ago.

[–]Scruge 13 points14 points ago

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"Gayngineer"

i get it.

[–]Wampole 7 points8 points ago

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"wet on"

[–]hickory-smoked 3 points4 points ago

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I think Lady Boner is about as eloquent a term as you could ask for.

I mean, I had a former who called it a "slicky," but that's just prurient.

[–]ProbabilityOfFapping 46 points47 points ago

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99.285%

[–]pearlbones 12 points13 points ago

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Agreed. I don't find his current super-clean news-anchor look to be particularly sexy, though he is undeniably handsome... but this picture of him is crazy sexy. He should grow some facial hair like Conan did and bring the Report's sexiness level up a notch.

[–]resident_gay_man 9 points10 points ago

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I just doubled in gay.

[–]greencourt 27 points28 points ago

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Cloner?

[–]thegravytrain 13 points14 points ago

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Loner...oh wait...

[–]Portmanteauer 16 points17 points ago

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Laboner

[–]cyberp0lice 27 points28 points ago

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Bonerette.

[–]pikatore 27 points28 points ago

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Aaaand you've just opened the gates of neckbeard hell on your OkCupid account. Good luck.

[–]metalola 13 points14 points ago

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hahaha, I just got an award that says "I'm pretty sure definitely would insert thingfs all over you"

This is going to be hilarious.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I second that major girl wood ... but the current version is hotter!

[–]AlbyWee 16 points17 points ago

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Vajoner.

[–]Socialism 3 points4 points ago

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HOW TO SPEAK SAN FRANCISCAN

[–]ShawnaNana 3 points4 points ago

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My thoughts exactly.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Try stoner boner. That guy smoked up for sure.

[–]platyviolence 9 points10 points ago

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He looks a little... crazy

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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But a good crazy, right? Right?

Right...?

[–]FortyFs 10 points11 points ago

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An even younger Stephen Colbert

[–]Bloodyfinger 28 points29 points ago

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Jon Stewart once said that he knew both Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert for quite a while. He said that long ago one used to be quiet and quite reserved, the other one was a hell of a ladies man. I think we know which one he was talking about!

[–]somethingsinthehills 48 points49 points ago

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It was actually Tina Fey who said that during an interview with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I can't find the video, but didn't look too hard. I don't remember her specifying that one was particularly shy and reserved, but she definitely said one was a real ladie's man, and didn't want to say who. I always assumed it was Carell for some reason, probably for putting a ring on the finger of a young Nancy Walls who he met at Second City.

Found this on yelp: "Stephen Colbert totally flirted with me. More on that later.

Getting tickets is slightly different from the Daily Show method. You email them, best a couple of months in advance, and send them a few preferred dates. They will respond back and hopefully with a good date for you. Again, tickets do not guarantee admission, so best bet is to get tickets and get in line early. They try to start Thursday tapings early to get everyone out for the weekend, but the day I went, they ended up starting around their usual time.

If you get there early enough, you could end up in the front row like I did. Awesomeness. Get seated, wait, laugh to warm-up comedian, and then Colbert comes out, not in character, for a lil Q&A. He high fives the whole front-row.

My hand shot up first and he called on me. I asked him about Tina Fey's interview about a month earlier on the Daily Show. Having worked with Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell while at Second City, she noted that one of them was quite the ladies' man. Naturally, I wanted to know which one, so I asked. Ever the Southern gentleman, he did not want to answer in fear of making him or Steve look bad, but he asked me who I thought. I responded, "You, of course!" and he said, "Yeah, baby," in a low growl. I'm never washing that hand again. "

[–]redson 4 points5 points ago

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Here's the interview with Tina Fey, part in question starts 3:48.

[–]lucidatype 8 points9 points ago

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No way. Steve Carrell had to have been the ladies man. Did you see the look on Stephen Colbert's face when he had a lap full of Jane Fonda? It was adorable.

[–]Sunshine323 8 points9 points ago

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To be fair to him, it was Jane Fonda. I feel he could both be familiar with attractive women sitting in his lap and act strangely when the woman in his lap is Jane Fonda. Just sayin'.

[–]actuallybeingserious 9 points10 points ago

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Stephen Colbert was the ladies man. Don't ask me how I know this, because I won't tell you. But if you ever get the chance, such as if you get tickets to the show, ask him about his visit to a monastery in Italy. I doubt he'll actually mention it in front of the studio audience, but by god that look on his face will be priceless. And yes, I'm actually being serious.

[–]Maybs3923 40 points41 points ago

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That smile tells me he secretly knew what the future held

[–]shadygwillis 23 points24 points ago

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he's beautiful, and i'm a straight male

[–]scribebox 7 points8 points ago

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i remember a daily show episode where tina fey said he was a man whore ? i cant find the relevant link, but i remember.

[–]scribebox 12 points13 points ago

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[–]magnificentbastard 21 points22 points ago*

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It's like he needs the glasses to shield some of the shine from his eyes for public safety.

[–]MotorBoat12 6 points7 points ago

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Wayne coyne.

[–]bvanman 7 points8 points ago

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young cat stevens?

[–]padfoot7 5 points6 points ago

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He was a Colombian revolutionary?

[–]jeggles 6 points7 points ago

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Oof, my ovaries just exploded.

[–]ilestledisko[!] 17 points18 points ago

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Jesus what a sexy thing.

[–]vitaebella 3 points4 points ago

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HAWT.

I didn't think I could like Stephen any more than I already do. Turns out I was wrong.

[–]GobBluthJD 10 points11 points ago

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That inspires me. Operation Grow Facial Hair Like Colbert starts tomorrow.

[–]DFGdanger 8 points9 points ago

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What have you been doing all of No-Shave-November?

[–]napalm098 13 points14 points ago

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STONER

[–]cynicotter 11 points12 points ago

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"Look, a happy person! He must clearly be on drugs!"

[–]Blackstaff 3 points4 points ago

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I can almost smell the patchouli...

[–]gmorales87 3 points4 points ago

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Oh, would you mine helping me load this couch into my van?

[–]SweepTheLegJohnny 3 points4 points ago

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He looks like a young Bee Gee. Like he's about to belt out "stayin' alive"

[–]iguess_so 4 points5 points ago

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I could look into those eyes forever...

[–]ispellbadonpurpose 5 points6 points ago

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He looks older in that picture than he does now. Obviously he has a time machine of some sort.

[–]amus 19 points20 points ago

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Wait

Coincidence?

[–]metalola 6 points7 points ago

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Who's the second dude?

[–]flaminglips 64 points65 points ago

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Wayne Coyne, lead singer of The Flaming Lips.

[–]metalola 37 points38 points ago

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Ahh, thanks! Wait-

looks at username

WAYNE?

[–]illiterateninja 29 points30 points ago

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No one will ever believe you.

[–]l2izwan 3 points4 points ago

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Surely this can't be a coincidence..

[–]arorke123 6 points7 points ago

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it can. and dont call him shirley.

[–]hungryrake 16 points17 points ago

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Do[n't] You Realize?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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I think we both know this belongs in r/jailbait.

I'll be there out of fear. Sweet, sweet fear.

[–]totototoro 8 points9 points ago

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So handsome

[–]Rammo 7 points8 points ago

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I'm not gay, but I'd totally suck his dick.

[–]yoda4president17 2 points3 points ago

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How?

[–]cycloethyl 4 points5 points ago

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LOL this is a hero before he's born again as a legend. :D

[–]Duramax159 3 points4 points ago

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That is the most glorious hair I have ever seen in my life.

[–]scottklarr 4 points5 points ago

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What? This changes everything!

[–]bariswheel 3 points4 points ago

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I see the Colbert sparkle in the eye.

[–]trpcicm 2 points3 points ago

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He looks like a cross between Steve Jobs and Robert Downey Jr.

[–]KatoPlato 3 points4 points ago

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That's a hunk of sweet sweet geeky humping. Elbows, knees, and a lot of sharp anlges. I'd tap that. Reflex tap just for that smile.

[–]Almalexia 3 points4 points ago

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I know his roommate from college. She said he was funny and quite the nerd.

[–]stuckindixieland 2 points3 points ago

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He's so... dreamy.

[–]tregota 3 points4 points ago

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Too happy. can't look directly at him.

[–]guinnythemox 3 points4 points ago

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i would so totally do him

[–]sherlocktheholmes 4 points5 points ago

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Holy mother of god I would do OBSCENE things with that man.

OBSCENE.

[–]SkinnyLove1 12 points13 points ago

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Anyone else looking for the ear thing?

[–]zankfrappa 21 points22 points ago

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[–]shazow 10 points11 points ago

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How many people tried to stick their ear into their ear just now?